Should I give her an heirloom ring?

[Gypsy]

We can guess as much as we like. It''s not going to answer your question. I''d ask her. I really would.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/31/2007 6:54:53 PM
Author: Gypsy
We can guess as much as we like. It''s not going to answer your question. I''d ask her. I really would.

Ditto! Ask her, ask her, ask her! I also prefer square shapes, but if I had been offered a significantly larger round diamond and the option to design a custom setting, I would have taken it in a heartbeat! Especially if it''s an old cut...I love them!

But that''s what *I* would have chosen. The only way to know what she wants is to either ask her yourself or use the idea posted above to have a close friend/relative "spill the beans" and report back to you what she says.

 

[lyra]

Ask her or tell her about the heirloom option. Personally, it wouldn''t have mattered a bit to me what my husband picked out, I would have been happy with anything, and I was an informed consumer 24 years ago. I prefer old stones and heirlooms, so of course, if that had been an option for us, I would have loved it. But if she really has a dream ring shape in mind, she should have that. Maybe there could be a further compromise: a 3 stone ring with the RB and 2 of her choice of cuts, but smaller in size. It really is in her best interest, and yours, to have some open or covert discussion on this subject. Good luck!

 

[ringster]

iceman72 -- you should take a look at this current thread which is dealing with the same issue but from the other side of the fence

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/please-help.71668/

 

[joflier]

From reading all of your responses, I''m gathering your hesitant to ask her about it, and kind of spoil the surprise...Am I right? I don''t know if you have seriously talked proposal, and if not, the surprise part is a big deal! So here''s my thoughts...I personally was one of the girls who was disappointed with her ring, my fi went against what I said I didn''t like and as more time went on I liked the ring less and less...(and now have a new one). What if you were to propose with just a fancy ringbox (with no ring) with a cute or romantic note inside saying your future together can start with choosing her dream ring together....I don''t know, it might be a little corny, but its a thought if you wanted to keep the total surprise intact.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 10/31/2007 7:54:25 PM
Author: ringster
iceman72 -- you should take a look at this current thread which is dealing with the same issue but from the other side of the fence

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/please-help.71668/

He did say that he wants to have it reset in a custom setting, so it is really just the stone in this situation.

I really think that you should ask her. I think that a lot of girls would feel flattered that they are receiving a family stone. Just talk to your GF...you don''t have to tell her when and where you plan to propose, but ask her how she would feel about receiving your grandmothers diamond.

 

[fansynancy]

My mother offered my brother a carat Tiffany set 2 carat ring that was my grandmother''s for his fiancees ring. She insisted on a Princess and refused to wear my grandmother''s ring. My sister and I would love to have that ring, but it was not offered to us. It held no sentimental value to my now S-I-L because it''s not her grandmother. My brother bought her a 2 carat Princess and she was thrilled.

BTW- when my ring was stolen my mother did not offer me my grandmother''s ring, so I am shopping.

 

[mimzy]

find a ring box big enough to fit both rings.

if she goes for the heirloom, you can have the princess set in a pendent or something special she can pick out so that she can still have her princess stone (or return it and put the money towards a custom setting). just make sure you ask her the magic words before presenting the box, or else she might be confused!

 

[mimzy]

ETA: you don''t have to immediately let her know that the RB is an heirloom, so she can make her decision without feeling pressure or guilt if you are worried about her responding to that!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, a 1.25 round will look significantly larger than a princess, that''s for sure. I think you will have to have someone ask her if you don''t want to do it yourself. I''d rather have the family stone anyday, but that''s partly because I think princess cuts are trendy and won''t stay in style over time. I''d get her best friend to ask her hypothetically what she''d rather have, a .75 princess or a 1.25 round family stone. The heirloom part would mean more to me that just any old round diamond.

And please don''t reset that stone until we see the setting!

 

[Gypsy]

My FMIL offered us her 1.25 D IF transitional cut (I know SWOON) heirloom diamond ring. But she''s a widow, and one that hadn''t moved on, and I could SEE that she wasn''t ready to part with it. So I declined the offer. And I prefer square stones as well (though cushions and asschers and ec''s) but I have ALWAYS regretted not getting that diamond. The history, not to mention the beauty of the diamond, and the size--- just last year, after much soul searching she decided to make some steps to move on with her life-- and gave her ring to her middle daughter BECAUSE I had a diamond at that time already-- otherwise she told me flat out I was her first choice. I could have cried.

But the funny thing is, I wouldn''t have wanted any other round BUT that one. So you just NEVER know what''s in another persons head, unless you ask.

 

[sera]

I'm in agreement with aljdewey and neatfreak... and like I already said... give her the option.

Personally, I would feel pressured to take the family ring. Depending on how it was presented, I may feel more or less pressured.

Like I said already, if I had my heart set on a square shape (which I did), I would not settle for a round just because it was bigger. I may like the size but that would not compensate for not liking the round. Because it is an heirloom, I would wear it as a RHR and love it as a RHR and love the sentiment, but the stone I want for my ering is the stone I want for my ering. Just because rounds are classic and timeless and popular, doesn't mean someone who doesn't like them can be swayed to change their mind and start liking them. Maybe she just has a slight preference for princess cuts so it wouldn't be a big deal to go with a round- or she could look at that round everyday wishing it was square.

I just wanted to add- if she wants a square stone, a round with a square halo may not be a satisfactory alternative. I wanted a square shape and I would not want a round in a square halo- to me it is absolutely not the same thing.

 

[Deelight]

Hrmmm if my BF proposed to me with his grandmothers ring (which he told me once would have liked to but it was stolen a long time ag0) I really would not care what the diamond looked like, and I am as picky as they come. The sentimentality behind the ring and the fact it would be the starting of an heirloom would whoo me . Then again I am a hopeless romantic and very sentimental. That was very nice of your mum to offer and a nice way to validate and welcome your future finance to your family. Your FF may think differently maybe try and suss the situation out and see how she responds or get a friend to.

You could always get her a princess cut RHR as well and that way she has an heirloom and the shape she likes

 

[iceman72]

Well - Thanks for the overwhelming amount of thought that went in to this. You all have given lots of great advice. I wanted to let you know that after a couple of glasses of wine last night.....I ended up spilling the beans (a little anyway) and said something like:

Iceman: I just wanted to be sure about our talk over the weekend. Did you say you "hated" round cuts?
B2B: no, not hated...I just like the squares a little more"
Iceman: (nonchalantly) Oh
Iceman: Well - if I had access to a diamond that has been in my family that would be a good deal larger than what I could afford in a new diamond...only difference being that the larger one would be round....how would that be?
B2B: You mean an HEIRLOOM RING? Oh, I LOVE the idea of that!

So - I''m going to see it sometime soon I hope. Of course I will post pictures and keep you all informed. My mom couldn''t figure out how to email the pics she took of it last night, but she did get me a copy of the appraisal. Not as great as i was hoping, but you never know. Here are the specs. let me know what you think.

1.25ct RB
I Color
I Clarity
6 prong 14kt gold setting

This was appraised by a small jeweler in town. Who knows if they knew what they were talking about?

 

[chrono]

I''m glad to read that she was very receptive to the heirloom ring. Well, the appraisal is certainly very basic. How long ago was it done? It might be a good idea to get it reappraised if it was done a while back, plus get more detailed information on it for insurance purposes.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 11/1/2007 9:34:30 AM
Author: iceman72
Well - Thanks for the overwhelming amount of thought that went in to this. You all have given lots of great advice. I wanted to let you know that after a couple of glasses of wine last night.....I ended up spilling the beans (a little anyway) and said something like:

lol I don't think you spilled "a little", I think you just plain spilled.

But that's fine, as you now have part of your answer (would she be receptive).

Now, just to throw my cheap pennies worth in, at this point, I'd let her see it. An heirloom, while sentimental and romantic, does not automatically mean, "will love". She's going to wear this forever, she should love it. So I'd let her see it and decide if it's the one for her. You can still make the proposal a total surprise.

 

[iceman72]

it was appraised in 2001. I agree very basic, the clarity is I1 i found out. Is it true that some of these stones can still be eye-clean?

 

[belle]

Date: 11/1/2007 9:56:38 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 11/1/2007 9:34:30 AM
Author: iceman72
Well - Thanks for the overwhelming amount of thought that went in to this. You all have given lots of great advice. I wanted to let you know that after a couple of glasses of wine last night.....I ended up spilling the beans (a little anyway) and said something like:

lol I don't think you spilled 'a little', I think you just plain spilled.

But that's fine, as you now have part of your answer (would she be receptive).

Now, just to throw my cheap pennies worth in, at this point, I'd let her see it. An heirloom, while sentimental and romantic, does not automatically mean, 'will love'. She's going to wear this forever, she should love it. So I'd let her see it and decide if it's the one for her. You can still make the proposal a total surprise.

i agree, let her see it. i know i have seen some heirloom pieces that are charming and the epitome of 'heirloom' while others are gawdy and not well made. it would be a bummer to get something very different from what you were expecting upon hearing 'heirloom'

 

[belle]

Date: 11/1/2007 10:01:24 AM
Author: iceman72
it was appraised in 2001. I agree very basic, the clarity is I1 i found out. Is it true that some of these stones can still be eye-clean?

it depends on the eyes of the grader and of the looker (among a few other things

)

likely you''re going to be able to see something in it pretty easily. it''s just a matter of where and what.

 

[Joolskie]

I am so glad that you spilled the beans Iceman. You can surprise her with the most amazing proposal ever... and know you will be presenting her with a beautiful ring she will love and cherish as she does you. How exciting!

If I were you, I would have a more detailed appraisal conducted on the RB so you know everything there is to know about it. And then, take it from there.

And of course, share all the details with us. LOL!

 

[surfgirl]

iceman, if you look at the top of this pate you will see a top bar that says "Resources", if you click on that the first option is "Appraisers". Why not look and see if there is a PS approved appraiser near you, and if you''re comfortable telling us where you live, we can see if someone here can recommend an independent appraiser for you. That appraisal is the bare basics. No way to know what equipment they used or anything like that. Clarity is quite subjective, some say they have SI2 stones that are eye clean and they cant see inclusions with a loupe so it''s all relative. See the stone first, you might even show your GF too, so she can see what it looks like.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Sorry to confess I didn't read this entire thread...so forgive me if my view has already been discussed and discarded.

If I were in your shoes...I would present her with that sentimental diamond...even if it had dinosaur boogers in it. You were GIVEN this stone. You are only going to have the expense of the setting. I assume you are a young bachelor...and may not be rolling in wads of cash. It is such a generous and lovely gesture from your mother. So go for a less elaborate setting...for presentation sakes a simple solitaire would showcase that stone. Simple I mean...not spending $5000 on a pave set masterpiece....(the money you save of the purchase of a stone can be the money you put down on a house...or pay off a loan of hers or yours..to start you life together in less debt).

Ok...so it is presented and expressed whose stone this is...and if she also shares the amazing thoughtfulness of your mother and the sentimental connection with your grandmothers legacy...than it is a win win for all!!!!.

If your bride to be...(and lets give her some credit here folks...IF ANY GIRL BREAKS/REFUSES to marry over a stone shape not BEING HER DREAM SHAPE...then I wouldn't want to know her much less marry her!!) If your bride to be expresses her desire to have the square AFTER the presentation...then together you two can hunt the perfect stone. And turn that generous gift into a necklace or RHR.

Don't let anyone scare you into thinking you are going to loose this girl if the stone doesn't have four corners! Give her more credit that that!

DKS

PS. Any woman who gives away a diamond is a treasure. Your mother may be dripping in stones...but for her to offer to give this stone away is a BIGGER gift to your beloved than some strange rock you find on some website. Let her bask in the glory of her future mother in laws generosity. Trust me...that is priceless. I think your beloved will recognize that and appreciate it for all its worth.

 

[surfgirl]

DKS, nobody has said anything remotely like if the GF wants a square stone, she wont marry him unless that''s what she gets. The thread, from the beginning, is very supportive of trying to determine whether or not his GF will want/love the heirloom ring. Sure the thought is lovely but some people prefer a new ring for their ering and I dont think those folks are at all wrong either. To each their own. Personally, I think it''s more thoughtful towards iceman''s mother, for him to discreetly ask his GF before officially agreeing with his mother to take the ring. That way, he doesn''t risk offending his mom. Or he can easily say he thinks she would really prefer a specific ring but he''d like to offer her to wear the grandmother''s ring on her wedding day or something like that...or if she doesn''t love it, it can be offered to another sibling or whatever. I think the couple involved need to decide what is right for them, there is no right or wrong way to go here, only how to proceed without offending anyone...

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/1/2007 9:56:38 AM
Author: Ellen
lol I don''t think you spilled ''a little'', I think you just plain spilled.

But that''s fine, as you now have part of your answer (would she be receptive).

Now, just to throw my cheap pennies worth in, at this point, I''d let her see it. An heirloom, while sentimental and romantic, does not automatically mean, ''will love''. She''s going to wear this forever, she should love it. So I''d let her see it and decide if it''s the one for her. You can still make the proposal a total surprise.

I think you plain spilled to...and I''m SO delighted! SO much better to know what she''d like!

I''m going to agree with Ellen on the second part as well; I''d show it to her and ask her if she''d like it as is or if she''s prefer a reset. And yeah, you can make the proposal a total surprise.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/1/2007 12:36:34 PM
Author: door knob solitaire

Sorry to confess I didn''t read this entire thread...

Maybe you should have, because then it would be clearer that no one ever suggested he would lose the girl if he didn''t propose with a square stone.

That said, if I were the one extending a gift of this magnitude, I''d certainly want the peace of mind of knowing the receiver will LIKE it. Would she leave him over it? No one suggested that at all, and I don''t think she would. BUT....would she possibly be disappointed? Yes, it''s possible....and that''s why it''s been suggested that he ask her (which he did, with wonderful results).

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/1/2007 1:50:26 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 11/1/2007 12:36:34 PM
Author: door knob solitaire

Sorry to confess I didn''t read this entire thread...

Maybe you should have, because then it would be clearer that no one ever suggested he would lose the girl if he didn''t propose with a square stone.

That said, if I were the one extending a gift of this magnitude, I''d certainly want the peace of mind of knowing the receiver will LIKE it. Would she leave him over it? No one suggested that at all, and I don''t think she would. BUT....would she possibly be disappointed? Yes, it''s possible....and that''s why it''s been suggested that he ask her (which he did, with wonderful results).

I agree, you can love the sentiment but not the gift.

To the OP, glad to hear that you''re talking about, communication is the best thing (and good practice for your future life together).

 

[iceman72]

UPDATE:

Thanks to all for your advice. I have gotten the ring from my mother and the good news is: I like it! I think it has lots of sparkle, no visible inclusions that I could see and it''s definitely a good size. I am not thrilled with the setting though, so i''m sure that will have to go. What I''m wondering now is if I should just go ahead and get it reset now. I tried to take some pictures of it, but i found out it''s not easy!! I will try to attach a pic of the setting from the side. I think the best way to describe it is that it''s a very "steep." setting. The prongs are go nearly straight up and lift the diamond away from the setting.

Another question is, I would love to get a more detailed appraisal and live in New York City. Can anyone recommend someone reputable (independent would be great) to give an appraisal?

PS. may seem like a dumb questions, but should i be concerned about leaving the ring somewhere and having it reset? What sort of precautions does one take in this situation?

 

[ang3199]

Iceman: I''m so happy for you to be able to give this ring to your future FI. That is an awesome gesture. I wonder if you might present her with the ring as is and let her pick the setting? Just to make sure it is perfect for her.

 

[iceman72]

This may seem like a dumb question, but - She has told me that she wanted a very simple solitaire setting (no sidestones, no channel-set), so i thought i could go ahead and pick it out. Are there enough variations of the solitaire that I should let her see it first? I think part of me wanted me to change the setting is that it''s lost a little luster over the years, not to mention i think it looks dated.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''m really happy for you, Iceman, I think you really handled this situation well and it sounds like you''re both excited about the ring. Before you put it in a basic solitaire setting, though, do you think you could go shopping (for settings) once more? I have a feeling that her decision for a solitaire was when she was only thinking about princess cuts and if you could possibly see some round brilliants in the 1.25 carat range, she might find that she would rather go with a different type of setting.

I''m really excited for both of you and can''t wait to see some pictures of the finished product!