Please help

[AudreyGirl]

Hello everyone. I have a situation I was hopeing you all could help me with. My bf and I have been dating for almost 4 years now and 2 years ago he told my grandmother we would be married and pregnant within the following year...that did not happen. He is such a great guy (I could not find one better!) and I am so much in love with him, but he is always saying "it''s going to happen" over and over but I have been waiting two years. We just bought a house together and I was finally "over" wanting to be married to him untill my grandfather called me and asked if he had proposed yet. I said "no" and he said that my bf had asked for his blessing a week prior. I wish he had not called me...

My bf has never purchased jewelry for me that was my style. I cant stand yellow gold and that is all he has bought me- even after telling him I dont like yellow gold. The last peice he purchased I (very polietly and without hurting his feelings) asked if I could return it for the same thing in white gold or silver. He had no problem with that.

Now, after the phone call, I have seen a picture of the ring he has for me (No- I was not snooping, I was looking for pics on the computer and came across it). I asked my best friend about it and after much pleading she confirmed it was the one. I am really torn about what to do. It is his grandmother''s or great-grandmother''s ring and it looks like a right hand ring. It is gaudy and just completly not "me." There are three very small stones in the center (a diamond flanked by two sapphires) and two "swirls" kindof trying to encircle the three stones. It is white gold, though. Sorry- the pic has been moved or I would post it.

I dont want to hurt his feelings because it is a family ring, but I dont like it, nor do I like the idea of wearing someone else''s ring (this totally creeps me out). I feel like I should just be happy he is even taking this next step- but I cant help feeling how I feel about having to wear this ring the rest of my life. I am not the confrontational type and I dont want to tell him I have seen it.

Please help me figure out what I should do!!

 

[laine]

What if you let him propose with that family ring, and then later ask if you two can pick out something together thats special and meaningful for the two of you. Alternate wearing the two, then slowly phase out the family ring, or shift it to a right hand ring. That way you get something thats more to your taste without insulting him. Or maybe wear the family ring until you go wedding band shopping, then you can notice that bands don''t work very well with it and decide you''d like a e-ring that works better with a w-band.

I feel like turning down the family ring outright would be sort of rude, especially since it did belong to his grandma (or whoever), so I''d accept it up front (and never mention that I saw it), and then later look for a new ring, while still occasionally wearing the family ring.

 

[janinegirly]

why not ask the friend who confirmed the ring to talk to your bf and tell him that it''s not quite your style,etc etc. i mean i''m guessing he approached her to get her opinion? yes, it''ll be kind of hard for your friend, but taht''s what friends are for and that way he can be annoyed at her and not you

from what i''ve heard, guys are really worried about the girl liking the ring (especially if the guy dont'' have an eye for jewelry) and he''ll appreciate knowing some insider info since i''m sure he just wants to make you happy!
usually i advise girls to let the guy do the picking since it''s meaningful to have the guy choose what he thinks represents his future wife, but in this case it really doen''st sound like your style or a standard engagement ring even.

 

[Independent Gal]

What Laine said. At this point, let him propose with the ring he''s got. Then work it out from there. You don''t have to wear it every day - or at all once you''re married, and there is no reason that you can''t get another ring, even if you buy YOURSELF a diamond some day.

Sorry you''re going through this! I''m sure it must be difficult. So I suggest you try to keep your eyes on the prize here: after four years, you''ll soon be getting married to the man you adore. The ring is a symbol of that and no barrier to you sooner or later having something you love on your hand.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/31/2007 5:37:41 PM
Author: Independent Gal
What Laine said. At this point, let him propose with the ring he''s got. Then work it out from there. You don''t have to wear it every day - or at all once you''re married, and there is no reason that you can''t get another ring, even if you buy YOURSELF a diamond some day.


Sorry you''re going through this! I''m sure it must be difficult. So I suggest you try to keep your eyes on the prize here: after four years, you''ll soon be getting married to the man you adore. The ring is a symbol of that and no barrier to you sooner or later having something you love on your hand.

Ditto! And I think it is perfectly acceptable to just wear a wedding band after the wedding, and maybe get a new ring for an anniversary down the line. But you really don''t want to burst his bubble right when he''s about to propose or just after. ESPECIALLY since it''s a family ring which means either (1) It is very important to him/his family (2) He really didn''t have the $ to buy you a "new" ring. Either way, it will kill him if you mention it isn''t what you want right off the bat...

 

[ringster]

Date: 10/31/2007 5:36:54 PM
Author: janinegirly
why not ask the friend who confirmed the ring to talk to your bf and tell him that it's not quite your style,etc etc. i mean i'm guessing he approached her to get her opinion? yes, it'll be kind of hard for your friend, but taht's what friends are for and that way he can be annoyed at her and not you

from what i've heard, guys are really worried about the girl liking the ring (especially if the guy dont' have an eye for jewelry) and he'll appreciate knowing some insider info since i'm sure he just wants to make you happy!

usually i advise girls to let the guy do the picking since it's meaningful to have the guy choose what he thinks represents his future wife, but in this case it really doen'st sound like your style or a standard engagement ring even.

i agree with janinegirly. guys really want the girl to like the ring and it sounds like he's not so jewelry saavvy.

btw -- have you seen this thread?
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/should-i-give-her-an-heirloom-ring.71653/
maybe it's a "do you like pina coladas and dancing in the rain" situation

or you can give this guy some advice amd vice versa

 

[DMBsGirl]

Date: 10/31/2007 5:36:54 PM
Author: janinegirly
why not ask the friend who confirmed the ring to talk to your bf and tell him that it''s not quite your style,etc etc. i mean i''m guessing he approached her to get her opinion? yes, it''ll be kind of hard for your friend, but taht''s what friends are for and that way he can be annoyed at her and not you

from what i''ve heard, guys are really worried about the girl liking the ring (especially if the guy dont'' have an eye for jewelry) and he''ll appreciate knowing some insider info since i''m sure he just wants to make you happy!
usually i advise girls to let the guy do the picking since it''s meaningful to have the guy choose what he thinks represents his future wife, but in this case it really doen''st sound like your style or a standard engagement ring even.

I think this is great idea. your friend can say that you two were in a jewelry store and she pointed out a ring that looked very similar to the family ring and that you said "eww" or something, lol. Then she can tell him what you DO like. The only downside to this is that if he decides against giving you this ring you might have to wait longer for the proposal, particularly if money is an issue for him.

 

[louisvgirl]

Sounds good to me too. Maybe you should talk to your friend and have her help you out a little. This ring, obviously means something to him and his family. I would be honored to have something like that handed to me, but I totally get that you don''t like it. Perhaps you can use it as a right hand ring like it was mentioned. Is it possible to pull out the stones and re-create something with those stones??? I''m sorry..It''s such a delicate subject and it''s hard because you don''t want to hurt his feelings. Ugh. Wait until he proposes and take it from there...you''re almost there...how exciting...maybe after the happy engagement dust settles..you can inocently be walking in the mall...and look at rings....suggest something pretty....because YOU WANT TO START YOUR OWN TRADITION OF HANDING A PIECE OF YOUR JEWELRY WHEN YOU TWO HAVE KIDS. You want something to pass down as well. ???? Why would he think you don''t like his grandma''s ring now! you want to start your own tradition!!

 

[AudreyGirl]

You all have helped me out alot. I dont think I would have a problem wearing the ring as a right hand ring, as long as there is no bad energy in it.

ringster: I was worried there for a few posts so I skipped to the last one and that guy asked his girl about her preference. Was not me. Thanks for showing me that post.

My friend told me today that he is just as worried about me not liking the ring as I am of him offering it. She said his mom told him there is a chance I may not like it and that he was fine with it.

I think I know what I will do... I am going to accept the ring and (I am assuming) he will ask what I think of it. I will ask questions about where it is from and then express my veiws on having my "own" ring and that I would love to keep the heirloom to have as a right hand ring (that is where it really belongs).

I feel so much better about this and not as hard on myself for feeling like I was being selfish. I really appreciate every one of you giving me your advice.

 

[Pandora II]

As you don''t ''know'' about the proposal, why don''t you talk to him about Crooked Rocks thread and how you really don''t like the idea of not having your own ring etc.

Agreed, it might put the engagement off for a bit - but you could say that you would rather have the proposal without a ring and then have all the fun of deciding together. (That''s want I did and I wouldn''t change it for the world, it was such fun - and I had kind of two proposals as I got a second one when the ring arrived 6 months later (took me a long time!))