She didn''t like the ring. Would you be offended?

[icekid]

cdogstu99- I am glad it sounds like the two of you are going to be able to work this situation out. But that said, YES I would be very upset if I went through as much trouble as you did to choose her ring and she responded in such a spoiled manner. Best of luck!

And please let us know what you end up with next (you know, with photos

 

[gobluefluoro]

All I can say is, as a guy who just bought an e-ring and is waiting to propose, this is my absolute worst nightmare.


Best of luck dude!

 

[nothingclever]

unreal.

my advice is to upgrade your fiance, not the diamond.....

 

[emeraldlover1]

Date: 5/6/2009 3:36:10 PM
Author: gobluefluoro
All I can say is, as a guy who just bought an e-ring and is waiting to propose, this is my absolute worst nightmare.


Best of luck dude!

Please don''t worry about it. My fiance was so scared of this happening and no one that I know in real life has this every happened to. One wasn''t happy with the setting so they changed it a few years later. Please, please, don''t worry.

I will also say from a female perspective that there is probably a better way to handle not loving your ring.

 

[VRBeauty]

Is there someplace I should go to turn in my Asian credentials? Or do I get a "pass" for not being picky enough since I'm only half Asian?

Cdog -- I'd take John Pollard's advice -- chalk it up to this being a "first" for both of you and work with your fiancee to move forward from there. And it's probably best to take "irrational" out of your vocabulary for this discussion.


Best wishes!

 

[soycoffee]

I''m getting in on this one rather late, so I am just responding to the overall thing, not the other posts (besides yours).

I''m a woman, and I helped design my e-ring. I was really glad for the chance to do that, but my husband told me that if I hadn''t helped design it, he would have picked out a round brilliant solitaire for me (essentially what I designed myself). Even though it was irrelevant, I am glad he knew me well enough to pick something I''d like. Still, if the stone he''d picked had been flawed in some way, I wouldn''t have said a word, unless he asked or was bothered, because it''s about the moment, the gift, the commitment, etc. In the end it isn''t about numbers or grades.

Regarding others, I don''t know anyone in my little circle who would be unhappy with that diamond, to be honest. Sure PSers and Asians, apparently, can be kind of picky when it comes to certain/all aspects of a stone. But, to the REST of us, it''s about the sentiment and about the beautiful symbolism.

My Mom got a 1 carat engagement ring 26 years ago, from my Dad, and she''d never had a diamond before. She was floored by it, and still adores it. Although it''s pretty, I can tell from looking at it isn''t optimal; it''s cut a little deep, has a few inclusions, is a little yellow, etc. Still, she''s worn it nonstop for 26 years and I still catch her gazing into it adoringly. The point is that she is grateful for the stone for what it is, not for what it could be/should be.

Everyone is different and your fiancee is entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours. However, I really feel like being upset about the diamond is rather superficial, for lack of a better word, and it''s ashame, and perhaps a "flag" that it''s such a big deal to her (if I may be frank). Good luck and please keep us posted

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/6/2009 12:57:26 PM
Author: cdogstu99
GOG has recommended this stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/

Here's my other one as comparison: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

What do you all think??

I will just fix the links

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

Thats another lovely diamond Jon has suggested but I would consider seeing if he has anything of VS clarity or higher in case she does prefer higher clarity and might see something in this diamond. Or go together as John suggested and let her help choose.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/6/2009 3:51:19 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 5/6/2009 12:57:26 PM
Author: cdogstu99
GOG has recommended this stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/

Here's my other one as comparison: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

What do you all think??

I will just fix the links

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/





http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

Thats another lovely diamond Jon has suggested but I would consider seeing if he has anything of VS clarity or higher in case she does prefer higher clarity and might see something in this diamond. Or go together as John suggested and let her help choose.

I agree.

Will this work pricewise? I don't know how much your stone was. Much safer!

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5249/

 

[DiamondFlame]

I''m Asian. So is my GF. And I''m about to propose her with a 0.42ct K/SI2. Yeah, it''s small, low color, low clarity. Maybe I''m juz a cheap bastard huh??

Btw, ccdog, don''t do this alone. Get her to join in on the diamond hunt. It will be fun. And I''d drop the idea of going with SI if I were you... seriously...

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:00:18 PM
Author: Ellen

Thats another lovely diamond Jon has suggested but I would consider seeing if he has anything of VS clarity or higher in case she does prefer higher clarity and might see something in this diamond. Or go together as John suggested and let her help choose.

I agree.

Will this work pricewise? I don''t know how much your stone was. Much safer!

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5249/

Thats a great option!

 

[lowphat]

Go buy a cheap ring from tiffany. Put your ring in the box. Done. You win.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:15:33 PM
Author: lowphat
Go buy a cheap ring from tiffany. Put your ring in the box. Done. You win.

I realize you''re probably joking right?

''Cause starting the engagement off with a lie is far worse than her just being insensitive and shallow.

 

[doodle]

Date: 5/6/2009 8:28:33 AM
Author: Ellen

cdog, I'm really sorry about all this. I can't say anything new, but I would recommend sitting down when you're both calm and discussing things. As bee said, I think 'do what you feel is right' translated to, 'I really want the Tiffany ring but don't want to say so again'. You just need more time to learn 'women speak'.

I hope everything turns out well for you.

BAHHHHH!!!! No offense to you, Ellen, but the "women speak" notion always makes me crazy, and I'm not just talking about this particular situation, but always. As if relationships aren't confusing enough, why are we entitled to speak a different language just because we have more estrogen!?!? If I want something specific from my husband, I say, "DH, I would like ___" and if he asks me if he could substitute say a different and in his opinion better ring for the Tiffany's that I told him I wanted, if it means that much to me, I SHOULD TELL HIM. IMO, if you beat around the bush and drop hints and say "whatever you think is best" when you mean "give me what i want or else", you're playing with fire and you deserve to get burned. The OP wouldn't be in this position in the first place had his GF said directly, "I really want a Tiffany ring, and I won't be happy with anything else." Okay, I'm done ranting now. Again, no offense, Ellen, and I totally get what you were saying. It just bugs me that there are some women out there who use this kind of communication then hold it against the guy when he did exactly what the woman said. To me, it's flat out dishonest.

cdog, PLEASE oh please talk to your girl about this and spare yourself any additional heartache! Both of you deserve to be happy. If you're still wanting to kind of keep it somewhat of a surprise as to exactly what you get her, maybe you could narrow it down to several options, all of which she's comfortable with, and you make the final decision out of the ones she was cool with? I hope everything works out for the best!

 

[tyty333]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:06:42 PM
Author: DiamondFlame
I''m Asian. So is my GF. And I''m about to propose her with a 0.42ct K/SI2. Yeah, it''s small, low color, low clarity. Maybe I''m juz a cheap bastard huh??

Btw, ccdog, don''t do this alone. Get her to join in on the diamond hunt. It will be fun. And I''d drop the idea of going with SI if I were you... seriously...

Ut oh, DiamondFlame...you are probably going to be banned from ever stepping foot in her parents house.
You obviously dont love her enough

.

 

[doodle]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:15:33 PM
Author: lowphat
Go buy a cheap ring from tiffany. Put your ring in the box. Done. You win.

BWAHAHA, that''s bad. Besides, he''d also have to have the Tiffany and Co. engraved on the inside...

 

[writergeek]

Date: 5/5/2009 11:15:44 PM
Author:cdogstu99
So i just proposed. She said yes. But now she''s upset with the ring. I spent a long long time deciding on what to get her; going from store to store in my local area and learning as much as possible about diamonds. Reading and reading every nite on pricescope to educate myself about the purchase. I ended up getting a stone from GOG and having it set in a Mark Morrell setting. The stone is beautiful, but there is a slight inclusion on the table (it''s an SI2) which can be seen if you look close enough. But other than that it''s gorgeous...F color, hearts and arrows, AGS triple zero. I figured that she would be able to live with it. She was saying things to the effect of that she thought i didn''t know her well to give her something like that and that she thought i got ripped off. She even went to Tiffany recently to price other rings. It started a big fight and i was really upset. She said that she has to wear this the rest of her life and that it really would bother her. Shouldn''t it mean more than that anyways? Has anyone else had to deal with this?

We weren''t there so we don''t know the exact exchange between these two. I would chalk a lot of it up to mis-communication. I think both parties were hurt and misunderstood the other. (I also have a different interpretation of her pricing rings at Tiffany''s to mean she wanted to show they had a ring that was comparably priced, not that she insisted on a Tiffany ring.)

With that said, I do agree with another responder that you bought a stone with a visible inclusion of some type. You gambled she could live with that, and you were wrong. A visible inclusion would drive me nuts. That''s just me. If she''s a perfectionist in other areas, it would be all the more magnified for this. Maybe that''s what she meant by you not knowing her.

Congrats on getting past the hurt and working towards getting a stone you both can live with. For my FI and myself we worked it out that I provided examples of what I liked, including links to specific diamonds, and he would take it from there to work within his budget. The reasoning was that he could work with a vendor, provide the examples, and his budget - and viola a ring would ensue. LOL!

Best wishes to you both and don''t lose sight of why you decided to ask her to marry you.

 

[LAJennifer]

I guess I''m #5. I would get her this one: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5733/

 

[lucyandroger]

I just had a thought...Maybe you could show her how well respected and "prestigious" Mark Morrell rings are here on PS. If she''s got a thing for brands, this could help her to feel better knowing she has a quality designer ring. Then when her friend says "I have a Tiffany," she can say and "I have a custom Mark Morrell." I know I had never heard of MWM before PS...

 

[risingsun]

Date: 5/6/2009 1:11:23 AM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 5/6/2009 12:51:55 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/6/2009 12:47:20 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I'm going to have to agree with your FI. Clearly you didn't know her that well.

Because you thought you were getting engaged to a woman who put the sentiment first and the ring second.
Sadly, as it turns out, she was all about the diamond and the ring.

For that, you have my sympathy.

It's not as though you presented some mall ring with frozen monkey spit. I took a good look at your GOG diamond at 40x. I think the ladies here need to realize that we aren't talking about some giant honking carbon spot

. Assuming I was still willing to marry someone like your FI, I would be sorely tempted to go to Tiffany's and purchase the smallest solitaire possible. She could lump it and sleep with the blue box as far as I would be concerned.

Lord, you and Danny are like peas in a pod PP. And no the alliteration wasn't intentional. Could people please stop telling this man that the woman he loves is not worthy of being loved because she didn't love the ring. If it's just a ring, it's just that A RING. So why is she shallow for having a problem with the ring, but he's on a pedestal just because he picked one out?

PP you're posts are really judgemental and downright rude sometimes. How do you know she's all about the ring? Do you know her? OBVIOUSLY he loves her, and yet... there you and Danny go trashing this woman, who has no ability to defend herself.

We're only hearing his side. What part of that are the two of you missing?

Of course she put the ring before his feelings, otherwise she wouldn't have made the man feel like crap. He will decide for himself if she's worthy of love. I just posted how I would feel about it (which IS what he asked). You feel differently. Fine. Is there some reason why you INSIST that everyone has to see it as you do? There are 3 people on this thread who don't. Big deal. Of course I'm only hearing his side. Do you think she's going to say 'I loved it, he made it all up'? She said she thought his e-ring was an insult. It doesn't take a lot of interpretation to see that she was all about her and not thinking of him at all.

Maybe you were mentioned because you have been increasingly critical and judgmental of others on a number of threads. We get that you are an independent woman in need of help from no one. Great! Go live your life according to your stated values. Despite all of the drama you have created in your head, it appears that the couple are on the way to working this out. Are you saying that women shouldn't have opinions about their rings--and, God forbid, discuss them with their partners. A difference of opinion over rings means the entire relationship should be questioned? I believe you enjoy your own arrogance, don't you?

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:31:48 PM
Author: doodle

Date: 5/6/2009 8:28:33 AM
Author: Ellen

cdog, I''m really sorry about all this. I can''t say anything new, but I would recommend sitting down when you''re both calm and discussing things. As bee said, I think ''do what you feel is right'' translated to, ''I really want the Tiffany ring but don''t want to say so again''. You just need more time to learn ''women speak''.

I hope everything turns out well for you.

BAHHHHH!!!! No offense to you, Ellen, but the ''women speak'' notion always makes me crazy, and I''m not just talking about this particular situation, but always. As if relationships aren''t confusing enough, why are we entitled to speak a different language just because we have more estrogen!?!? If I want something specific from my husband, I say, ''DH, I would like ___'' and if he asks me if he could substitute say a different and in his opinion better ring for the Tiffany''s that I told him I wanted, if it means that much to me, I SHOULD TELL HIM. IMO, if you beat around the bush and drop hints and say ''whatever you think is best'' when you mean ''give me what i want or else'', you''re playing with fire and you deserve to get burned. The OP wouldn''t be in this position in the first place had his GF said directly, ''I really want a Tiffany ring, and I won''t be happy with anything else.'' Okay, I''m done ranting now. Again, no offense, Ellen, and I totally get what you were saying. It just bugs me that there are some women out there who use this kind of communication then hold it against the guy when he did exactly what the woman said. To me, it''s flat out dishonest.

I''m actually not like this, but realize many other women are. Many don''t know how to be direct. It is in their make up, imho, to a certain degree. Sorry it drives you crazy. Don''t shoot the messenger!

 

[strmrdr]

outa spite this one...

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/1702/

I would love to buy that diamond for W2B for a pendant.

 

[denverappraiser]

I agree with the advice of going to visit GOG in person with her. She’s coming from the position that you somehow cheaped out by not shopping with Tiffany and no one in the world is better prepared to address that concern than Jonathan. Upgrade the stone to the point where you’re indisputably better than Tiff’s. You bought from one of the best stores in the country and you had the piece made by one of the finest craftsman. If she’s ok with the design, and it sounds like she is, you just need to show her that the brands you chose aren’t merely as good but cheaper, they’re better (AND cheaper). Yeah, the SI2 was a mistake but it’s just not that big a mistake because you have the opportunity from the dealer to upgrade. Take advantage of it. Show her that you''ll go to the ends of the earth (or at least to Massapequa Park) to make her happy.

Neil Beaty
GG(GIA) ICGA(AGS) NAJA
Professional Appraisals in Denver

 

[Rhea]

If you do decide to keep the setting, make sure the new stone can fit into it.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:55:21 PM
Author: strmrdr
outa spite this one...

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/1702/

I would love to buy that diamond for W2B for a pendant.

Okay, I came **this close** to spitting my afternoon coffee out. HAHAHA! I do love that one though!

 

[doodle]

I'm actually not like this, but realize many other women are. Many don't know how to be direct. It is in their make up, imho, to a certain degree. Sorry it drives you crazy. Don't shoot the messenger!

Ellen, of course I know that YOU aren't like this at all, which is why I threw out a few disclaimers to make sure you'd know that I meant no offense whatsoever to you.

I'd never shoot the messenger--my reaction tends to be more along the lines of, "Hey messenger, tell whoever sent you that they can kiss my asscher!" Man, that'd be a much more fun bit of sarcasm if I actually had an asscher. I keep trying to convince my husband that my peep toes would be more fabulous if I had a 5 carat asscher toe ring, but he doesn't seem to hear me, and I've been so direct, too!

Sorry for the mini-threadjack there--unfortunately for everyone else, I tend to think I'm hilarious.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:56:41 PM
Author: denverappraiser
I agree with the advice of going to visit GOG in person with her. She’s coming from the position that you somehow cheaped out by not shopping with Tiffany and no one in the world is better prepared to address that concern than Jonathan. Upgrade the stone to the point where you’re indisputably better than Tiff’s. You bought from one of the best stores in the country and you had the piece made by one of the finest craftsman. If she’s ok with the design, and it sounds like she is, you just need to show her that the brands you chose aren’t merely as good but cheaper, they’re better (AND cheaper). Yeah, the SI2 was a mistake but it’s just not that big a mistake because you have the opportunity from the dealer to upgrade. Take advantage of it. Show her that you''ll go to the ends of the earth (or at least to Massapequa Park) to make her happy.


Neil Beaty

GG(GIA) ICGA(AGS) NAJA

Professional Appraisals in Denver

a big huge ditto to this!!!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/6/2009 5:05:05 PM
Author: doodle

I''m actually not like this, but realize many other women are. Many don''t know how to be direct. It is in their make up, imho, to a certain degree. Sorry it drives you crazy. Don''t shoot the messenger!

Ellen, of course I know that YOU aren''t like this at all, which is why I threw out a few disclaimers to make sure you''d know that I meant no offense whatsoever to you.

I''d never shoot the messenger--my reaction tends to be more along the lines of, ''Hey messenger, tell whoever sent you that they can kiss my asscher!'' Man, that''d be a much more fun bit of sarcasm if I actually had an asscher. I keep trying to convince my husband that my peep toes would be more fabulous if I had a 5 carat asscher toe ring, but he doesn''t seem to hear me, and I''ve been so direct, too!

Sorry for the mini-threadjack there--unfortunately for everyone else, I tend to think I''m hilarious.

I do agree that taking her to Jon''s might shed a little light on things!

 

[about2begin]

Doesn''t GOG''s phone message advertise "cash for gold" parties? If they have anything like this in-store, I''d avoid bringing her in. I think cash-for-gold is the polar opposite of Tiffany & Co., no?

Some people may not care, but I think this lady just might.

I feel that ladies (who haven''t seen PS) evaluate diamonds in this order: Clear?; Big?; White?; Sparkly? -- I''d say though, that not eye-clean would mean not high quality to most women who aren''t up to speed on H&A or don''t feel attached to a PS vendor.

Hope everything works out. If worst comes to worst, you can use the 75% buy-back at GOG, right?

 

[gemnick]

It is a false economy to buy a less expensive stone if she doesn''t like it. It doesn''t matter how much of a "bargain" it is.

Kinda surprised at some of the mean-spirited comments on PS re: the fiancee. Give her a break ... a little compassion for a difficult time ...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/6/2009 2:34:28 PM
Author: TravelingGal

So she''s Asian. Run. They whole lot of them are psycho. Especially the Korean ones.

For some asians, as mentioned, clarity=quality. They''ll ask what quality it is and if it is anything less than a VS2, they''ll think the guy is cheap and doesn''t value the woman very much. Not sure if there are also some other reasons why clarity is such a sticking point. Personally, I don''t get it and would have loved to find a good F/SI2, but am happy with my SI1.

I won''t speak for other asians, but I know that a lot of Koreans are major brand wh*res. We love to flaunt status and show we''re doing fabulously well in America. Whether it be higher education institutions, cars, bags, we want the name.

sounds more like Chinese to me.