She didn''t like the ring. Would you be offended?

[Kelli]

Given that Tiffany doesn''t carry SI2 stones, or any stones with visible inclusions, the stone you picked probably was a bit too much of a gamble. She probably told you to go with what was best, figuring you wouldn''t pick a stone with an obvious flaw. I think you should upgrade the GOG stone to a VS2, then get her on PS to show her what a special ring she really has, Tiffanys or not.

 

[lowphat]

You can't think "rationally" when it comes to engagement rings. The whole concept in itself is an irrational concept that we all oblige by. It doesn't rationally make any sense to spend thousands of dollars on a piece of jewelry, but we do it.

With that said... since you're buying the ring for her, you need to get her what she wants regardless of whether it makes sense or not... provided that it's within your budget, of course. If she'd rather have a Tiffany's ring of inferior size and quality because it says Tiffany's, that's what you should get.

For the most part, the majority of people still aren't as educated on diamonds as most of the ppl here are. When your fiance shows off her ring, people will look at it.. and then ask.. oh, how many carats is it... and possibly... clarity and color. RARELY will someone ask about the cut.

So even though the cut is the most important C, it's the least asked about. And women in general will love flaunting their 1 ct E VVS1 so they can tell people that, as opposed to an ideal cut .7 ct G VS2.

Doesn't make any sense, I know. But like I said earlier.. the whole engagement ring thing doesn't make any sense to begin with!

 

[Bliss]

Date: 5/6/2009 10:01:37 AM
Author: cdogstu99
Wow, i didn't expect to elicit such a response. I can tell you that everyone here has provided such great feedback for me (from both sides of the argument) and it really is kind of therapeutic.


TravelingGal, funny thing is she IS Asian, that's so funny that you mentioned that.


We are trying to work on a solution, which will likely involve us trying to find something eye-clean from GOG. I'll keep you updated.

Aha! That is perfect! Hooray for you both! I'm very happy for you! How funny that TGal divined that she is Asian! Then in that case, it definitely is cultural. I don't think she was upset that the diamond was not up to HER standards, but she may have been upset because she was worried about her family's reaction. Of course that diamond is an amazing fireball but some Asian families are craaaaaaaaaazy particular about diamond quality and equate it to how well someone loves/can take care of their daughter. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS, I'm just explaining it as how it was explained to me!

And way to go on working this out together! It is clear from your posts you love her very very much.

 

[AprilBaby]

I rarely enter these discussions but this one burned me up! I would LOVE a MM over the Tiff any day. My preference not her''s. The inclusion WOULD bother me. However, To compare what you bought with Tiff and claim you got ripped off is ignorant. Sell the MM and get her the Tiff she wants for the same price, however smaller that may be and see if she is still happy or if she needs a Tiff of comparable size. That will tell you if its the ring or the money.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/6/2009 4:12:42 AM
Author: bee*
I would be upset too if she didn''t like the ring that I had put a lot of work into picking, but ultimately I would get her what she likes (budget providing). It sounds like she did want a Tiffany ring and the whole ''do what you feel is right'' thing probably meant get a tiffany ring. I would be another that wouldn''t want a visible inclusion on the table so I would try and get another diamond or if you can return it all, see would she prefer a smaller tiffany ring or a larger non-brand.

i can see this coming now...after he exchanges for a smaller Tiff ring she probably be piss about the smaller size compared to the current ring. sooo...this story ain''t gonna end til she gets her 1.25 ct Tiff ring.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 5/6/2009 10:43:36 AM
Author: Bliss

Date: 5/6/2009 10:01:37 AM
Author: cdogstu99
Wow, i didn't expect to elicit such a response. I can tell you that everyone here has provided such great feedback for me (from both sides of the argument) and it really is kind of therapeutic.


TravelingGal, funny thing is she IS Asian, that's so funny that you mentioned that.


We are trying to work on a solution, which will likely involve us trying to find something eye-clean from GOG. I'll keep you updated.

Aha! That is perfect! Hooray for you both! I'm very happy for you! How funny that TGal divined that she is Asian! Then in that case, it definitely is cultural. I don't think she was upset that the diamond was not up to HER standards, but she may have been upset because she was worried about her family's reaction. Of course that diamond is an amazing fireball but some Asian families are craaaaaaaaaazy particular about diamond quality and equate it to how well someone loves/can take care of their daughter. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS, I'm just explaining it as how it was explained to me!

And way to go on working this out together! It is clear from your posts you love her very very much.

I'm going to add my 2 cents. Yeah, the Asian thing (well done, TGal)!! Do not ever buy anything less than VS2 (preferably VVS or even IF) if you intend to give it to someone who's Asian. Black carbon spots (even if visible only to eagle-eyed people) are an absolute no-no. I myself have bought SI2 stones but still prefer higher clarities.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 5/6/2009 11:18:11 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/6/2009 4:12:42 AM
Author: bee*
I would be upset too if she didn't like the ring that I had put a lot of work into picking, but ultimately I would get her what she likes (budget providing). It sounds like she did want a Tiffany ring and the whole 'do what you feel is right' thing probably meant get a tiffany ring. I would be another that wouldn't want a visible inclusion on the table so I would try and get another diamond or if you can return it all, see would she prefer a smaller tiffany ring or a larger non-brand.

i can see this coming now...after he exchanges for a smaller Tiff ring she probably be piss about the smaller size compared to the current ring. sooo...this story ain't gonna end til she gets her 1.25 ct Tiff ring.

I also agree with DF. If your budget permits, I'd suggest that you buy her that Tiff ring, again with better clarity.

On the colour side, do make sure that she's ok with I colour too if that's what you're going to for, and if your budget allows you to do so. The Asian thing doesn't just apply to better clarity, it also applies to colour. Asians in general prefer D-E-F, IF to VVS. Very few Asians I know go for less, particularly when it comes to engagement rings. Asian parents do, unfortunately, equate the value of the engagement ring to the love or the life the man is prepared to give to their girl. Not saying that that's right or wrong, just stating facts here.

(Just FYI, I'm somewhat a bit of an exception, I'd like to go for bigger bang for my buck, if truth were to be known. But if money weren't an issue, I'd *only* buy higher colour higher clarity stones).

On the size issue, I think it's just what *many* women would like, regardless of their race or origin, IMHO.

ETA: on the size thing, if your budget doesn't allow you to buy her the 1.25ct and she'd still like a Tiffany, I'd suggest you sit down and talk it through with her. I'm sure that she'd be happy to know that you're trying yr best to get her what she'd like given what you can afford.

 

[whitby_2773]

keep the ring, swap the stone.

compromise.

i get the ''visible inclusion'' problem (tho it looked pretty miniscule to me, frankly; i mean, it''s not like you took to it with a marker pen.) but i do get wanting something pure and clean. got it. ok.

but the setting is special, and you chose it. and it''s beautiful. and if she doesn''t want the stone OR the setting you chose - she''s basically saying all she wants of you in it is your check book. in which case you may as well just give her a wad of cash and tell her to go pick something. and if that''s who SHE is, then i''d suggest, contrary to what she stated, that you in fact know her plenty well and might want to reconsider how you proceed from there.

this is the problem with a gift; the receiver doesnt get to control it, so you run the risk of the giver choosing something you don''t like. the giver gets to give - the recipient only gets to receive.

but it''s also the NATURE of a gift; it''s meant to be given freely. the giver gets to choose and if you, the recipient, are lucky they''ll choose with love and effort. which is what it seems you, cdog, did.

if she wants part of your hard work but wants to change out the stone, i''d say - great! you can meet her on that. but if she just wants what she wants - yeah, um...polite cough...

comments about expecting her to be happy to get whatever crumbs you throw her way are ridiculous and obviously haven''t come to grips with what you must have paid for this ring or the thought and love you put into it. do keep in mind you''re on a site where some people value sparkly baubles above breathing.

frankly, i''m a bit nauseated by this whole thread. how about - ''keep the ring as is, swap the stone on your 10th anniversary when you make the existing stone a pendant''? i''ve worked with too many spoilt children who don''t know how to say thank you who throw tantrums on Christmas when their hard working parents dont get EXACTLY what they want to have too much sympathy for your fiancee cdog. there is NO SENSE that you just went out and got whatever YOU thought was a good thing - that you didnt listen to her, think about it, put in some work and try hard. personally, and call me old fashioned here, i think she should be grateful.

but if you want to compromise with her - my suggestion would be -

keep the setting - swap the stone.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I''m glad you are on the road to working this out. We can''t wait to see pics of the final ring!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/6/2009 11:29:27 AM
Author: Phoenix

Date: 5/6/2009 11:18:11 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/6/2009 4:12:42 AM
Author: bee*
I would be upset too if she didn''t like the ring that I had put a lot of work into picking, but ultimately I would get her what she likes (budget providing). It sounds like she did want a Tiffany ring and the whole ''do what you feel is right'' thing probably meant get a tiffany ring. I would be another that wouldn''t want a visible inclusion on the table so I would try and get another diamond or if you can return it all, see would she prefer a smaller tiffany ring or a larger non-brand.

i can see this coming now...after he exchanges for a smaller Tiff ring she probably be piss about the smaller size compared to the current ring. sooo...this story ain''t gonna end til she gets her 1.25 ct Tiff ring.

I also agree with DF. If your budget permits, I''d suggest that you buy her that Tiff ring, again with better clarity.

On the colour side, do make sure that she''s ok with I colour too if that''s what you''re going to for, and if your budget allows you to do so. The Asian thing doesn''t just apply to better clarity, it also applies to colour. Asians in general prefer D-E-F, IF to VVS. Very few Asians I know go for less, particularly when it comes to engagement rings. Asian parents do, unfortunately, equate the value of the engagement ring to the love or the life the man is prepared to give to their girl. Not saying that that''s right or wrong, just stating facts here.

(Just FYI, I''m somewhat a bit of an exception, I''d like to go for bigger bang for my buck, if truth were to be known. But if money weren''t an issue, I''d *only* buy higher colour higher clarity stones).

On the size issue, I think it''s just what *many* women would like, regardless of their race or origin, IMHO.

ETA: on the size thing, if your budget doesn''t allow you to buy her the 1.25ct and she''d still like a Tiffany, I''d suggest you sit down and talk it through with her. I''m sure that she''d be happy to know that you''re trying yr best to get her what she''d like given what you can afford.

how much does a D IF 1.25 ct Tiff go for nowadays.

 

[Phoenix]

Date: 5/6/2009 11:55:46 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/6/2009 11:29:27 AM
Author: Phoenix

Date: 5/6/2009 11:18:11 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/6/2009 4:12:42 AM
Author: bee*
I would be upset too if she didn't like the ring that I had put a lot of work into picking, but ultimately I would get her what she likes (budget providing). It sounds like she did want a Tiffany ring and the whole 'do what you feel is right' thing probably meant get a tiffany ring. I would be another that wouldn't want a visible inclusion on the table so I would try and get another diamond or if you can return it all, see would she prefer a smaller tiffany ring or a larger non-brand.

i can see this coming now...after he exchanges for a smaller Tiff ring she probably be piss about the smaller size compared to the current ring. sooo...this story ain't gonna end til she gets her 1.25 ct Tiff ring.

I also agree with DF. If your budget permits, I'd suggest that you buy her that Tiff ring, again with better clarity.

On the colour side, do make sure that she's ok with I colour too if that's what you're going to for, and if your budget allows you to do so. The Asian thing doesn't just apply to better clarity, it also applies to colour. Asians in general prefer D-E-F, IF to VVS. Very few Asians I know go for less, particularly when it comes to engagement rings. Asian parents do, unfortunately, equate the value of the engagement ring to the love or the life the man is prepared to give to their girl. Not saying that that's right or wrong, just stating facts here.

(Just FYI, I'm somewhat a bit of an exception, I'd like to go for bigger bang for my buck, if truth were to be known. But if money weren't an issue, I'd *only* buy higher colour higher clarity stones).

On the size issue, I think it's just what *many* women would like, regardless of their race or origin, IMHO.

ETA: on the size thing, if your budget doesn't allow you to buy her the 1.25ct and she'd still like a Tiffany, I'd suggest you sit down and talk it through with her. I'm sure that she'd be happy to know that you're trying yr best to get her what she'd like given what you can afford.

how much does a D IF 1.25 ct Tiff go for nowadays.

A lot and you know that, DF.

I'm just stating some facts to give the OP some background infor/ context. I'm not suggesting that he should go out and buy a D IF 1.25ct Tiff. I do believe I mentioned in several places that he should buy what his budget allows.

Don't make trouble, DF!

 

[rickster123]

Women are so confusing.......but I love them nevertheless....well, my soon to be fiance, my daughter, and my mom, and my sister...a little.

 

[mrscushion]

I''m sorry this happened to you. I also would be disappointed with the reaction you''re describing. However, you were clearly wrong in thinking she''d be okay with the inclusion.

I also would not be 100% happy with a visible inclusion right under the table. No matter how beautiful the stone. Sorry.

Also: you say that she was convinced Tiffany wasn''t worth it. HOWEVER. After your argument, what did she do? She went straight back to Tiffany to price out rings. I think she still wants that Tiffany ring. And if she does, I think you should get it for her, within the same budget. If she wants a smaller ring from Tiffany -- so be it.

 

[Elmorton]

I''m glad to hear you''ve decided to work it out together, too.

Here''s my take: A good marriage takes communication. While in 99.9% of situations, it''s best to keep your mouth shut if you''re not crazy about a gift (Aunt Hilda''s lovely wedding gift of that 70''s green lamp, for example), I think that it''s a good sign when a person speaks up to their partner and says while that they appreciate the time, effort, thought, etc that went into the gift, that the person would rather have something else - when the gift isn''t your average gift. Things like a car, house, enagement ring - these are major purchases because they cost a lot AND they''re used/seen every day. A couple should be on the same page when it comes to these things - once married, would you want to make a major purchase without your partner''s input?

From a woman''s standpoint, recieving a ring isn''t like getting a birthday present. That ring is something she''ll wear every day until she dies, and she probably has an idea of what she wants. Even if you followed her every guideline, isn''t she allowed to change her mind? Wouldn''t you want her to communicate that with you? Your FI''s reaction is not an indicator of being childish or spoiled, it''s one of being honest, and that''s something that most people highly value in a relationship.

 

[cdogstu99]

GOG has recommended this stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/

Here''s my other one as comparison: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

What do you all think??

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 5/6/2009 12:57:26 PM
Author: cdogstu99
GOG has recommended this stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/
Here''s my other one as comparison: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380
What do you all think??

Honestly, I would not go into the SI range, given her reaction to SI2 and the Asian cultural concerns noted by posters above. I''d stick with VS2 and above.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/6/2009 12:57:26 PM
Author: cdogstu99
GOG has recommended this stone: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5250/

Here's my other one as comparison: http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/5380

What do you all think??

It's great to get PS opinions but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss this with your fiancee!!! Remember, a lot of us would have loved your originial stone...

 

[coz3197]

As a guy who''ll be proposing with a custom ring in the coming months, I have to say that this post has scared the hell out of me! Just kidding. Sort of.

I can imagine how her response must have made you feel. I spent over 6 months researching, taking notes and tirelessly searching for the perfect stone and setting. Like you, I used our fellow PSers input in an effort to make the most informed decision possible. The harsh reality is that no matter how logical and informed we guys are, none of it matters if she''s not in love with the final product. I think we sometimes spend so much time trying to understand the diamond world that we forget the more important thing - understanding what *her* perfect ring looks like.

I''m happy to hear that you''re working towards a solution. If you trust that she''s the right one (and you obviously do), I advise you to give her the flexibility to decide what she wants. You can still be stubborn enough to make sure you''re making a financially-smart and informed investment. But otherwise, let it be her baby. Trust me, the rewards of her true happiness with the ring will be worth the sacrifice of biting your tongue here in the short-term. Plus, in the future when you''re trying to justify that pool table for your man cave, you might subtly refresh her memory as to your willingness to compromise.

Good luck, buddy.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 5/6/2009 1:02:59 PM
Author: lucyandroger
It''s great to get PS opinions but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss this with your fiancee!!! Remember, a lot of us would have loved your originial stone...

Big ditto. I think she should be making the choices now.

 

[D&T]

Date: 5/6/2009 1:04:50 PM
Author: mscushion

Date: 5/6/2009 1:02:59 PM
Author: lucyandroger
It''s great to get PS opinions but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss this with your fiancee!!! Remember, a lot of us would have loved your originial stone...

Big ditto. I think she should be making the choices now.

Thritto

 

[stone-cold11]

Yap, let her do the shopping now since there is no longer a need for secrecy.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/6/2009 1:04:50 PM
Author: mscushion

Date: 5/6/2009 1:02:59 PM
Author: lucyandroger
It''s great to get PS opinions but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss this with your fiancee!!! Remember, a lot of us would have loved your originial stone...

Big ditto. I think she should be making the choices now.

Yup.

 

[John P]

File this one under "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Cdog, you diligently researched and presented top cut quality & performance (GOG). Your lady had hopes for tradition & romance (T&Co). No one is "wrong" here - all reactions aside - but you must remember she did not do all the research you've done.

One of the best suggestions was offered on P1.

Author: Gypsy

Take her to GOG to meet Jonathan.

If this hasn't happened I suggest to do it asap. You're new at giving a diamond ring. She is new at receiving one. And while you have different focuses here they are not mutually exclusive. Jonathan will be a master at highlighting both the "Mars" and "Venus" aspects for you both and suggesting something that meets both your values...and yes, compromise (esp eye-clean on your part) is key.

Don't sweat the different focuses. DO take advantage of one of the best parts of your GOG purchase; the expertise, consumer advocacy and good feelings about the whole experience which Jonathan can bring to the table.

 

[Rhea]

Please discuss it with her now. I love your first stone. I''d probably love the second stone. But she didn''t. Consult her, not us. Please do share with us when it''s done though!!

 

[NovemberBride]

I am so glad you are working this out with your fiancee. I had a very similar situation when my now-DH proposed to me. He proposed with a lovely 2 carat H SI2 stone. It had a few white inclusions that were visible to me when looking very closely. My DH honestly could not see them (he needs Lasik!). I myself wrestled with the issue of telling my then-FI whether this bothered me. I knew he put a lot of time and effort (not to mention money) into choosing a ring that I would love. However, I also knew that it would bother me (btw - I am not Asian, just a perfectionist) and I hated to think that he would have spent all this money for something I would not have been completely happy with for the rest of my life. I finally decided to say something to him (btw, this was several days after the engagement) in the nicest way possible, not blaming him, but blaming my own perfectionist tendencies. I am not going to lie, his feelings were definitely hurt, but he also wanted me to be happy. Luckily, we were within the exchange window, so we went back and exchanged the ring for an H VS2 (btw - I paid the difference in price, I did not want him to have to spend more than he budgeted). That was several years ago and I now happily wear my ring everyday, but I can guarantee that neither of us waste any time thinking about the fact that we swapped out the stone. Once you are married, there are much bigger things to focus on.

I feel that some of you on this thread have been unnecessarily harsh to the fiancee. I certainly don''t think wanting to exchange a ring means that cdog should re-think his proposal. It''s a ring for crying out loud - not to mention that I bet a lot of those who made this statement wouldn''t have been happy with a ring with a visible inclusion either. It''s a lose-lose situation if he has spent all his time and money on a ring that doens''t make her happy. If they swap out the stone for one she loves, then it''s win-win.

Cdog, I hope you get this resolved quickly and can move on to the next part of this exciting stage in life with your FI.

 

[Kim N]

Date: 5/6/2009 11:20:39 AM
Author: Phoenix

Date: 5/6/2009 10:43:36 AM
Author: Bliss

Date: 5/6/2009 10:01:37 AM
Author: cdogstu99
Wow, i didn''t expect to elicit such a response. I can tell you that everyone here has provided such great feedback for me (from both sides of the argument) and it really is kind of therapeutic.


TravelingGal, funny thing is she IS Asian, that''s so funny that you mentioned that.


We are trying to work on a solution, which will likely involve us trying to find something eye-clean from GOG. I''ll keep you updated.

Aha! That is perfect! Hooray for you both! I''m very happy for you! How funny that TGal divined that she is Asian! Then in that case, it definitely is cultural. I don''t think she was upset that the diamond was not up to HER standards, but she may have been upset because she was worried about her family''s reaction. Of course that diamond is an amazing fireball but some Asian families are craaaaaaaaaazy particular about diamond quality and equate it to how well someone loves/can take care of their daughter. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS, I''m just explaining it as how it was explained to me!

And way to go on working this out together! It is clear from your posts you love her very very much.

I''m going to add my 2 cents. Yeah, the Asian thing (well done, TGal)!! Do not ever buy anything less than VS2 (preferably VVS or even IF) if you intend to give it to someone who''s Asian. Black carbon spots (even if visible only to eagle-eyed people) are an absolute no-no. I myself have bought SI2 stones but still prefer higher clarities.

Totally get where you''re coming from, Phoenix, but I think this might be a little too generalized a statement.

I think this applies to only some Asians. Most of the Asians I know, including Asian parents, know nothing about diamond stats and wouldn''t even think to ask about color or clarity. They''d just look at the size and/or branding.

 

[Abril]

Date: 5/6/2009 11:20:39 AM
Author: Phoenix

Date: 5/6/2009 10:43:36 AM

Author: Bliss

Date: 5/6/2009 10:01:37 AM

Author: cdogstu99

Wow, i didn''t expect to elicit such a response. I can tell you that everyone here has provided such great feedback for me (from both sides of the argument) and it really is kind of therapeutic.



TravelingGal, funny thing is she IS Asian, that''s so funny that you mentioned that.



We are trying to work on a solution, which will likely involve us trying to find something eye-clean from GOG. I''ll keep you updated.

Aha! That is perfect! Hooray for you both! I''m very happy for you! How funny that TGal divined that she is Asian! Then in that case, it definitely is cultural. I don''t think she was upset that the diamond was not up to HER standards, but she may have been upset because she was worried about her family''s reaction. Of course that diamond is an amazing fireball but some Asian families are craaaaaaaaaazy particular about diamond quality and equate it to how well someone loves/can take care of their daughter. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS, I''m just explaining it as how it was explained to me!

And way to go on working this out together! It is clear from your posts you love her very very much.

I''m going to add my 2 cents. Yeah, the Asian thing (well done, TGal)!! Do not ever buy anything less than VS2 (preferably VVS or even IF) if you intend to give it to someone who''s Asian. Black carbon spots (even if visible only to eagle-eyed people) are an absolute no-no. I myself have bought SI2 stones but still prefer higher clarities.

I think not. Black carbon spots are preferred by some because they let you identify your diamond easily.

 

[TravelingGal]

So she''s Asian. Run. They whole lot of them are psycho. Especially the Korean ones.

For some asians, as mentioned, clarity=quality. They''ll ask what quality it is and if it is anything less than a VS2, they''ll think the guy is cheap and doesn''t value the woman very much. Not sure if there are also some other reasons why clarity is such a sticking point. Personally, I don''t get it and would have loved to find a good F/SI2, but am happy with my SI1.

I won''t speak for other asians, but I know that a lot of Koreans are major brand wh*res. We love to flaunt status and show we''re doing fabulously well in America. Whether it be higher education institutions, cars, bags, we want the name.

 

[D&T]

TGAL....lol...
I''m asian, no I''m not Korean... but you crack me up... sorry threadjack is over...

 

[MMT]

Cdog I''m glad you are working it out but after your last experience I would go with at least VS2. Keep us posted