Trouble........

[firebirdgold]

Oh sweetie, I''m so sorry that things didn''t go well. **HUGS**

I know you must be feeling very low right now so I feel like this is just kicking you when you''re down, but it needs to be said at some point. I''m about to slap you upside the head so you may want to read the rest of my post later when you''re feeling a bit better about life.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You need to talk to a counselor as soon as possible. Your self-esteem is so low it''s actually negative. Please don''t argue with me about that or need I remind you of your earlier threads where you said that if you broke up with that s.o.b. you''d never get another date or another chance at a relationship? (at 21???) You also said that you were lucky to be with such a handome and wonderful guy. (Handsome is as handsome does sweetie) Excuse me? You were lucky to be with an abusive alcoholic scumbag????

(Abuse dosen''t just mean hitting, you know.)

To be perfectly and painfully frank, your behavior verges on the masochistic. Why did you put yourself into the position of being dependant on him for support and physical assistance during and after your procedure? What on earth made you expect him to be kind and supportive??

He treated you with posionous contempt!

You''d have been better off going by yourself and taking a taxi home!

Do you honestly think that you deserve to be treated in this way by anyone? Are you trying to punish yourself for something? You deserve a kind and loving man who will cherish you and treat you with respect.
If you believe you''re not worth being treated well, then you''ll continue to seek out men who confirm your negative opinion of yourself. You need to go to therapy until you truly believe in your own worth and beauty!

 

[FireGoddess]

Alexis - please, get away from him. Seriously. Haven''t you been through enough? He has repeatedly shown you exactly who he is - an @sshole that doesn''t care about you at all. Don''t subject yourself to him anymore. It''s seriously doing a lot of harm to you, physically and mentally.

I am very sorry to hear that it didn''t go well. But at least change what you can, which is his presence in your life on any level. You have chosen a new start for yourself, let that begin now. He is toxic.

Please turn to some girlfriends...and consider talking to someone about this. There is a lot of grief and pain you need to expunge. I hope that can happen soon and you will be on to bigger and better and brighter days. Thinking about you....

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Thanks for all of the support.

Yes he is out of my life. There are many friends of mine who want to just drill him now...lol

I don''t feel sorry for him at all. I just don''t care anymore. I can''t. I don''t have the fight left in me anymore.

He is not worth crying over and he sure as hell is not worth any more wasted time.

 

[TravelingGal]

Good to hear Alexis...take time to heal yourself, and when you feel a bit stronger, you can work on building yourself up again.

As for your ex-man, I can''t even comment. It''s not often that I''m rendered speechless.

 

[FireGoddess]

Better to spend your time nursing yourself back to health anyway!!

I think we all want to drill him, too.

 

[marvel]

Sending positive vibes your way!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Date: 11/6/2006 2:55:57 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Better to spend your time nursing yourself back to health anyway!!

I think we all want to drill him, too.

Do you want his address???
I can give that to you.........

 

[eks6426]

Alexis--I'm so sorry for all that you have been through the past several days. You must be a whirlwind of emotion right now. The decision to terminate a pregnancy is emotional enough without the discovery of a learning that a man you loved and thought would marry turned out to a jerk. Please take time to grieve...both the abortion and the relationship you lost. I agree that some counseling may help you. You're young and you have a whole promising future ahead of you. Don't forget it.

 

[anchor31]

I''m sorry the procedure was so painful. I''m sending good healing vibes your way. I''m glad the scumbag is out of your life though, I''m still not over the fact that you had to sell your plasma for money when you were living with him and at school...

I second, third and fourth the suggestion for counselling. Asking for help is not weak or cowardly, on the contrary it takes a lot of courage and strength to take these steps to ensure your own well-being. If it makes you feel any better, I''ve been in therapy three times from 14 to 21... And it really helps. They finally discovered I''m prone to depression while under medication, so I might not have to go so often again, but I wouldn''t hesitate to go if I needed it again.

Take care of yourself and surround youself with friends who care.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 11/6/2006 3:16:03 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~

Date: 11/6/2006 2:55:57 PM
Author: FireGoddess
Better to spend your time nursing yourself back to health anyway!!

I think we all want to drill him, too.

Do you want his address???
I can give that to you.........

LOL. I can only hope that what goes around, comes around. You may not be there to see it, but I have to believe that karma is going to take a big bite out of him someday.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

What I really want is him to realize exactly what he has lost. ALL OF IT. He had it sooooooo good and now he is with someone else that is only after him for his money. Sooner or later he will find that out. I dont want him to be hurt, but I cant help but want him to get bit in the ass a little.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 11/6/2006 4:11:36 PM
Author: FireGoddess

Date: 11/6/2006 3:16:03 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~

Do you want his address???
I can give that to you.........

LOL. I can only hope that what goes around, comes around. You may not be there to see it, but I have to believe that karma is going to take a big bite out of him someday.

FG, you took the words right out of my mouth!

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 11/6/2006 4:28:56 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
What I really want is him to realize exactly what he has lost. ALL OF IT. He had it sooooooo good and now he is with someone else that is only after him for his money. Sooner or later he will find that out. I dont want him to be hurt, but I cant help but want him to get bit in the ass a little.

You might not want him to get hurt, but I sure do

, and I''m guessing I''m not alone. What a jerk! You deserve so much better!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/6/2006 4:28:56 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
What I really want is him to realize exactly what he has lost. ALL OF IT. He had it sooooooo good and now he is with someone else that is only after him for his money. Sooner or later he will find that out. I dont want him to be hurt, but I cant help but want him to get bit in the ass a little.

Random speculation .. but I''d guess he LIKES that she''s "only after him for his money". It probably makes him feel important & rich. Also - he''s probably not that emotionally invested & already chuckling to himself about how he''ll get the last laugh by dumping her anyway ... after giving her NOTHING.

What I''m trying to say is ... the guy is a CREEP. The way he has treated you is ABOMIDABLE. You may need to WISH HIM HARM in the future just to stay sane. And I think that''s actually crazily healthy.

Doing someone harm - not good
WISHING someone harm/ that they hurt/ fantasizing about sticking them with plastic forks -- totally normal

 

[Sundial]

So sorry that you are having to go through all of this Alexis!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

While I was at the house I was thinking about all the things I could do but i didnt...like let the air out of all his tires....all 6 of his veihcles....viseine in his drinks...lol...thoughts about it...never did it though.

 

[marvel]

You just let him know that you have friends with ties to the Mafia

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 11/6/2006 5:17:22 PM
Author: marvel
You just let him know that you have friends with ties to the Mafia

Cement shoes did cross my mind...!! LOL

 

[ladykemma]

sugar in the gas tank....

i laughed, i have to admit, when you all were shocked that he went out and DRANK after the procedure. of course he did!

seriously though, did you ever get to al anon? untreated codependency gets worse and worse without treatment. Even if you dumped him.

it takes a tremendous amount of work to get over the effects of living with someone with an addiction. doesn't happen without outside help. otherwise, you'll just go right back out and pick another one, and the next one will be worse. It's what codependents are programmed to do.

now the question becomes, alexis, how low is your bottom going to be? before you seek help? you were seriously codependent before you ever met this child of god.

alcoholism brought me to my knees and to God but codependency knocked me flat on my stomach and knocked the wind out of me.



a blast from the past
In May 2006 you wrote:

OK well I have been here a while and I was hoping the situation would get better between my boyfriend and and I would not have to post here to get another prospective, buy sadly it has come to that point.
OK here goes:
Matt and I have been together for over a year and I moved in with him in August. His mom and dad own the house we live in and I pay rent. He has 5 cars and I have one. I am not allowed to park in the driveway and not in the garage. It is "his" garage. I am not allowed to make an decorating choices either. He never likes going out, he will be 23 in July. I am 21, graduatiing college next friday. I have worked my butt of to get to where I am. I work part time (VERY part time) I never have enough money to do anything because my work cut my hours. I cant find a full tine job where I am and the job market here is crap. We have been fighting alot lately about money and how we never do anything. So I started donating plasma here for an extra $50 a week so I could have some money, well then gas prices went up and I now I have no moneuy, I am even selling mu boldil fluids to get more money, The thing is my boyfriend is from a spoiled family and he gets everything he wants. He is very materialistic. I just feel like sometimes he never realizes that I work very hard at school. I got some great news the other day, so I came home got some wine ready and was waiting for him when he came home, he walked in the house, looked at me and said "whats all this crap for" Great huh? Well I let him change, and got him settled and then I told him I had great news, he was signing on the computer and I said "I got it" He had got what, i said Commencement speaker. he said "thats great hunny" He never looked at me, never said a word. That pissed me off. I mean it is a huge thing!! He never even acted happy for me. I am just frustrated. I dont know what to do, and we were going to get engaged this summer and now it is not going to happen. No wait it gets worse. We found out this week that his dad has liver cancer. They have given him 6 months to live. His mom told us today that she is selling our house when he dies, well I have no money no decent job, and I can hardly pay the rent that I have now. My parents live in another city so I cant move home. With all of these problems, I dont know what to do. The issues seem to be mounting and I love him to death but he refuses to go to a counselor to try and save our relationship. He says he wants to marry me but sometime I wonder if it is true. i never know where we are heading. at this point am i being selfish? Can enyone shed some light to the situation???

Alexis - your situation is BAD... Look at the big, overall, scary, picture. you have put yourself in a situation.

 

[diamondsrock]

oh Alexis, I've been following this thread closely and want to let you know I am sorry for all you have gone through. You deserve so much better.
I understand why you want him to realize all that he has lost but the reality is you can't reason with someone who is not reasonable. He won't see what he has lost because he can't. I honestly don't even know what kind of emotions this guy has based on his dealings with you. By the time he figures out how much he messed up it will be too late because you will have moved on with a man who truly loves you. You need to get to the point where you truly don't care anymore about him and you're not there yet understandably. Once you move past that stage you're in now you can get there. You'll know you're there because it will be a night when you go to sleep and truly don't care where he is and what he's doing. Stay strong! I wish you peace with everything. Please try to avoid contact with him if at all possible.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Alexis, I somehow lost this thread for a few days, but I just wanted to send you my love and to encourage you to seek counseling for all the loss you have recently suffered. I am just deeply sorry.

 

[Kaleigh]

Sending you hugs and healing thoughts your way Alexis. I think counseling would be very helpful for you. I got counseling when I lost my Nanny and it helped me tremendously. I know it''s a different sort of loss than what you are going through, but loss is loss. Yanno??

 

[:)]

Date: 11/6/2006 4:28:56 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
What I really want is him to realize exactly what he has lost. ALL OF IT. He had it sooooooo good and now he is with someone else that is only after him for his money. Sooner or later he will find that out. I dont want him to be hurt, but I cant help but want him to get bit in the ass a little.

He will - sometimes it takes months or years, but he will - I promise.

You can smile inside even now when you think of the kindness and the intelligence he lost that he had in you. Not everyone is dedicated and does well/gets honors in school. Some try so hard and still are unable to do well in school. You are a special one in that you were dedicated and you also did well. There is only one commencement speaker at graduation. Be PROUD!! You are special and today is the first day of the rest of your life.

He will realize it when you have fully moved on. It is good that this is the case, because by then you will have no desire to have him return to your life in any capacity. In the long run, he will not do well in life, whether his family gives him money or not, because he is not the kind of person that people want to have in their lives. Sometimes it takes time for this to become apparent (given he is 23 at this time, this will become more and more apparent as his contemporaries get older). As for the female, well - karma baby. If she did that to one of my friends I wouldn''t hang out with her again. One day she will learn this the hard way. Sounds like they deserve each other!!!

One day all your friends on PS will help you find the most beautiful diamond ring imaginable (I sure everyone is salivating just thinking of it!), and it will sparkle like the dickens on your hand, and be from a man who truly deserves and treasures you. Start getting excited thinking about the man waiting for you to find him!

 

[katebar]

Dear Alexis , I think that when you are feeling well enough one or two sessions of professional counselling would be of benefit to assist you with the grief over your ex''s betrayal and the grief over the termination. It is totally normal to feel emotioanl and sad over the decsion you made and talking abut this to a trained counsellor can be really helpful.
This guy is a jerk but you did''nt realise this because you were in love with him. When it came to this crisis in both your lifes he chose to show you the side of him that had no empathy, care or understanding for his partner and this terribly difficult shared situation.
You are better off by far without him and you kind of know that now but things will be hard for a while and thats where supportive counselling can be very helpful
Take care
katebar

 

[diamondfan]

Alexis, sad to say he may never realize what he lost, because it seems he is an immature and spoiled guy. He would need some introspection, some heart, to know this. It is nice that you do not want him to suffer, but I am certain his karma is set and he will.

When I was 18 I had an abortion. Not only did my boyfriend, who claimed to love me, not go with me, he cheated on my WHILE I WAS HAVING THE ABORTION. I caught him with her, she was hiding in his closet when I went over, in pain and misery, to see why he could not even call me to check on me. The sniveling creep tried to get me to forgive him, begging and pleading...I liked seeing him grovel but saw his character then and there. This guy abused me verbally and physically, stalked me, was so jealous I could not have a friend or go out without him...he claimed he cheated on me because he knew an old boyfriend had been trying to reach me and he figured I cheated and got pregnant. Bottom line, I was DEVASTATED but thanked God that I saw through him (all the other stuff had not been enough for me)...and I got away. He did realize how good he had had it with me, and called me for a couple years after to see if I would see him, and I refused. PLEASE know that as much as you are hurting now, he is NOT the man for you. He is not a man, he is more like a man child, spoiled, unconcerned with the needs of others, greedy and slef involved. There is not a chance this is a guy you should be with. He does not value you, it seems, he wants possesions like cars and things. Do not allow yourself to be that. I know this has been awful for you, but please try to see that in a sad way, it is best to know this now, and be able to move on...thinking of you, and pamper yourself as much as you can.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Thanks for all the responses.

I have looked into counseling and I just need to figure out what my insurance covers. So that will happen shortly.

I had a really long conversation with his best friend the other night.
It seems like he notices all of the things that are happening too. He just isnt sure where he can say things and where he cant. He will tell him he is being a royal ass, but talking to someone with deaf ears doesnt help.

So we are all kinda in the same boat. We all pretty much know that this new ''relationship'' is not going to last at all. So time will tell....

 

[eks6426]

Alexis---Reading LadyKemma''s post of your past posts....where are you living now? Are you still living with him in his family''s property?

 

[~*Alexis*~]

No I am living with my parents 40 minutes away from where I used to live. I have to drive every morning into work so I have a long commute...well its nice that they let me keep Cooper. Hes the sweetest dog in the world and he has been a saving grace for me these last few weeks.

 

[janinegirly]

alexis, i think you should avoid talking to his best friend or worrying whether someone tells him he''s an a-hole, or how long this new "relationship" will last etc etc. He is so toxic and uncaring and really used and abused you without concern. Just try to not look back or wonder and find new friends. You''re only 21, that''s what most 21 yr olds are faced with anyway! You''re not a Lady In Waiting anymore, you''re a young adult just starting out with a fresh and exciting lifetime ahead of you!!! Go out and start that path! This is a new adventure in so many ways!

 

[KimberlyH]

Alexis,

As difficult as this may sound, you should really work towards taking the focus off of him and spend time working on you and deal with your grief. What he does or doesn''t do in the future, including whether or not he realizes what a great catch he lost, cannot be an influence in your learning to cope, deal with your loss and move forward. The only person who wins when you continue to spend your time worrying about, thinking about, contemplating him and what he is doing is him. He likes the attention, it''s up to you to stop satisfying him.

I am happy to hear that you have looked into counseling, I think it would do you good. Be selective, make sure you find a counselor whose goal is to help you get better and move on, not wallow in your grief and keep coming back; also make sure you are compatible with him or her. All counselors are not right for all patients.

My hope for you is that before you move on with dating and such that you find some peace within your self. So much of what you have shared about your life with him has been wrapped up in his actions, wants, needs and selfishness. It makes me think that you have yet to figure out who you are and what you truly want out of life. When you do that your relationships become partnerships, not tug-of-wars for power and control and total interdependence.