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Trouble........

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Mara

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lol on the K-Fed thing, i was totally thinking that too. and it's not about the money what he has or doesn't have....but rather just his utterly selfish, immature, ridiculous, allaboutme behavior that is the parallel. can i just flat out say you are SO FRIGGIN LUCKY to have gotten rid of this baggage??? can you imagine if you would have married him? it's mind boggling. this is like a jerry springer show.

next time he calls, tell him where to stuff it. and tell him he's got a new girlfriend now to deal with his drama and she can buy him his diamond earring. tweaker!

 

galeteia

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Alexis, I think that you and your ''posse'' of girlfriends should officially refer to him as K-Fed when talking about him.

He''s k-fed right down to cheating on the woman who is pregnant with your child.

What a sleaze.
 

~*Alexis*~

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well although that is a good suggestion, I think thats more how I FEEL at this point, so yeah. although I am open to more suggetions....lol
 

TravelingGal

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HAZMATT.
 

Ellen

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~*Alexis*~

Brilliant_Rock
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OK new update....Need Advice
So i told everyone about how matt wanted me to pay for his earring?
OK so yesterday....
He called me at work 4 times. I didn''t answer the phone. I got done with work at 430...he called me twice on my cell phone within an hour. Then he sent me numerous text messages.
I wasnt going to have contact with him but i told him I wouldn''t pay for his earring after everything that went down. He sent me 6 text messages within 20 minutes of me being at work this morning.
Telling me I was a cheap b*tch and that I was a snot and whatnot....
At what point is it ok to do this? I thought that it wasnt. Where does he get off? Does he really think that I would spend my hard earned money to pay for that? Um...NO!
At what point did he think it was ok for him to text me after 2 months and ask for money???
I am very close to changing my number and getting a restraining order.
Is this grounds for this???
I will type up the text messages for everone and post them later....
 

Madam Bijoux

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I suggest that you change your personal phone numbers immediately. If he calls you at work, don''t reply. If he keeps calling you at work, report him to the phone company and the police.
 

diamondfan

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Alexis, he is harrassing you now.

Send him a REGISTERED letter with a signature required. Tell him in light of his cheating and other things, the relationship is over and if he does not cease and desist from bothering you he will hear from a lawyer.

You do not have to mention the pregnancy unless you want to, but then it is out there and I am not sure you are comfortable with that.

Sometimes a pointed "Leave me alone or else" works, because a lot of these guys are cowrads in the long run. But just in case he is not, be prepared to talk to your parents and tell them though you have ended the relationship he is harrassing you. He needs to STOP now and move on. I am sorry about this, I hope he gets the clue. I would not call him or agree to see him...just send a letter that he must sign for.
 

Lorelei

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This person is a cad and a bounder.
No way should he get an earring or anything else from you, be firm and make sure he refrains from harassing you, Diamondfan has offered some good suggestions. If anything, his recent behaviour should reassure you that you have done the right thing. His new girlfriend is welcome to him
 

~*Alexis*~

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I was thinking about a restraining order but it would only be temp and it would only last seven days......lol
 

Lorelei

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Hopefully getting tough and mentioning the L word as in LAWYER might be enough to scare him off permanently, just don't rise to his bait or communicate with him in any way. Also with luck when he realizes that expensive presents aren't forthcoming, he will clear off and leave you alone too.
 

firebirdgold

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What a ...
...
.. words fail me


The registered letter sounds like a really good idea. And you have got to start telling people about what he''s doing. This is giving me a bad feeling... he could get dangerous! This is just so totally abnormal behavior!!


The whole ''you owe him'' thing is just... Since I rather doubt he helped pay for the procedure (let alone pay for all of it which is the decent thing for a guy to do), it could be argued that he owes you for the medical bills and the pain and suffering you experienced because of him.

If this keeps going talking to a Lawyer could be a very good idea.

Restraining orders are only good for 7 days?? what''s up with that? grrr. men! Really, when was the last time a guy used a RO?? Or at least the guys writing the freaking laws!
Given the bad feeling I''ve got, I suggest getting the restraining order mainly to have an official record of this behavior. Although it might provoke him even farther. hmm.

Are you keeping a log of all of this behavior? Can phone companies block a number so you don''t have to change your number?

*HUGS*
 

sumbride

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I would definitely change your phone numbers immediately, including your work number. Do you have a direct dial extension? Talk to your HR department and tell them you need to change the number. Trust me, they''d rather hear NOW that you have a pestering/stalkerish ex than before he shows up at the office. You may need to have your calls screened. I had a coworker that went through this for years and it was traumatic for her but we did everything we could to keep him away from her at work.
 

anchor31

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7,074
He let you sell your plasma while at school and wouldn''t give you a penny, and now YOUR the cheap bitch?!
This guy should have his man parts removed!! I''m glad you found the truth sooner than later... Change your numbers, talk to a lawyer. Harassment is NEVER acceptable.
 

~*Alexis*~

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Well...I think I am going to give it 2 more days.
The restraining order would be a temporary one until I went before the court and stated my case. However, my friend had to go through it and he hasnt physically done anything to me...yet..it will be hard to get a permenent one. One that would last anyways.

I just want him gone. for good. He needs therapy and help but i cant be the one there for him anymore.


I will not be pulled into his cycle and I will not be the one to help him either. That may sound harsh but I cannot do that. If it came to forcing him into treatment then yes I would. But other than that. NO!


We actually split the cost of the procedure. But he had to get the $$ from his mom because...gasp..he didnt have any. But I paid for the gas to get there and for the food while we were there...so whatever. Thats over and done.

As far as the log,
yes I saved all the emails and all of the text messages he has sent me so far. So I do have them on record if I need to get them for use....oh well...

hopefully he will see things from my prospective...someday..when they throw snowballs in hell...
 

poptart

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May 23, 2006
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THAT MAN!!!!


I agree that you need to tell somebody that he is doing this to you, like a friend or parent, as well as your work. And send him that letter like someone suggested that said you would consult your lawyer if the harrassment didn''t stop. His behavior makes me a little nervous for your safety because he sounds like an extremely angry person. So please be careful and see if you can get some type of protection from him, even if it is only a seven day restraining order because then at least he would be in the police system, you know? Best wishes!

*M*
 

movie zombie

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1-have an attorney send the letter. a letter from you is not going to make this guy pay attention....a letter from an attorney says you mean business.

2-the relationship is not over, it was over. be sure of wording.

3-change numbers NOW.

4-make printouts and copies of all e-mails and text messags now.....don''t take a chance on accidental deletes, etc.

5-even if its only a 7 day restraining order, get it. it sets the ball in motion for down the road if you should need something more. it also means that you can call the police if he shows up around you. if you don''t get the restraining order, it plants the seed in everyone''s mind that you aren''t serious. if you do have to call the police, they are more likely to respond if you have a restraining order.

guys like this have a way about them that somehow ends up making them believeable to authorities. he will seem reasonable and likeable when he talks to them. unless you get that restraining order, it is only your word against his and please believe me when i say they will give him all the benefit of the doubt.

movie zombie
 

Kaleigh

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Date: 12/1/2006 3:47:35 PM
Author: movie zombie
1-have an attorney send the letter. a letter from you is not going to make this guy pay attention....a letter from an attorney says you mean business.

2-the relationship is not over, it was over. be sure of wording.

3-change numbers NOW.

4-make printouts and copies of all e-mails and text messags now.....don''t take a chance on accidental deletes, etc.

5-even if its only a 7 day restraining order, get it. it sets the ball in motion for down the road if you should need something more. it also means that you can call the police if he shows up around you. if you don''t get the restraining order, it plants the seed in everyone''s mind that you aren''t serious. if you do have to call the police, they are more likely to respond if you have a restraining order.

guys like this have a way about them that somehow ends up making them believeable to authorities. he will seem reasonable and likeable when he talks to them. unless you get that restraining order, it is only your word against his and please believe me when i say they will give him all the benefit of the doubt.

movie zombie
Very good advice movie zombie. God Alexis, I really feel for you. I''d do everything she suggested, good luck!!!
 

SoonIHope

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Oct 11, 2005
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Alexis, I cannot BELIEVE him
and am SO SORRY that after all he had put you through before now, he STILL feels the need to continue to try to wreck your life!!!


I don''t have any new advice, but I agree that you should go ahead and get the restraining order sooner rather than later, so if things get worse you at least have it on the record and they can bring him up in the system etc.

GOOD LUCK!!!!
 

decodelighted

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Ditto Movie Zombie ... but I''d add one more step .... email the Dr. Phil show with your story!
 

Mara

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my first thought is..why are you getting so upset about it and spending time and energy venting to us about it??

honestly just move on! and tell him to stop bugging you.

quite frankly, i think that is just messing with you. he gets that this upsets you and the drama heightens and you play into it and it's just like a vicious circle. if you truly are over him then act over him. how your voice andd attitude and all that are with him probably will go a long way. if he knows that you are all talk and no action or that you are saying one thing but acting like another, he will keep coming at you.

i don't think this guy is dangerous necessarily, i just think he likes playing with you to stay in touch with you. and you make it easy. i think he has been a serious manipulator in the past and you allowed it. he's thinking nothing has changed.

change your #...don't answer the phone if it's him. if you do talk to him, i'd speak calmly and say 'you know what? i'm done with this. you are in the past. don't call me again or i will report this harassment to the police, do you really want to go that route?' he's just an all talk bully it sounds like. he likes to stay in your life through drama. cut him off and move on! and if he persists, just report it to the police and keep your documentation and keep on living your life. he will eventually most likely get the CLUE.
 

akw94

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
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Personally, I think you should answer the phone one more time and say only that he is harassing you and you will call the police if he calls or contacts you in any way again. Period. Then, if he calls again, call the police. Ask them if they''d be willing to pay him a visit and tell him to leave you alone. You can file phone harassment charges, assuming they exist in your state. Tell the police that your first thought isn''t to file charges but you are concerned. If they can help you, that would be great. If he continues, file charges and get the restraining order.
As said by others, keep everything he sends to you. I would not speak to him except for that one time to tell him to stop. This is too much and although he may not be dangerous, I would not assume he is not. You don''t know what people will do when they feel they are being wronged or whatever else he may feel.

Take care Alexis!
 

marvel

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Jul 8, 2005
Messages
1,133
Just be done with him...ignore him, delete his messages, change your number. If he''s calling you at work and harassing you, contact your security department. If he really thinks you owe him for earring, let him take you to court. The guys a nut! I think your lack of contact with him, and deny him his material possessions is making him crazy and he''s acting like a spoiled brat that isn''t getting his way. This is not a man. This is a little boy.
 

Mara

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31,003
i agree to an extent dixie but i also think adopting an 'alarmist' perspective is not the way to go either. freaking out and putting a restraining order in place or whatever, when maybe she just needs to be like 'LOOK i will report you to the cops, leave me alone.'...of course maybe that's not enough, who knows as people can be unpredictable...but i have had experience with weirdos before...lots of people out there are WACKO and will try to bother you. part of getting rid of them is how strong you act about it and how much they believe you and believe you won't hesitate to take action should you really need to.

of course definitely be smart about it, but i think all of this or whatever is just feeding the fire he likes to fuel. when i had a stalker living somewhere near me, and leaving me notes on my car, i just got smarter about things and more safe but i didn't let myself be paranoid or try to think about it too much. i took the necessary steps with reporting it to the cops, beefed up on my kickboxing skills, etc and that was that. eventually i moved away.
 

Kaleigh

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I think talking to him one more time isn''t a good idea. I wouldn''t talk to him ever again. He knows how to push your buttons, change your cell phone number, change your home phone number to an unlisted # and be DONE with the creep.
 

movie zombie

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yep, kaleigh, he''s already been told to back off and not call. he''s not respecting that.

its not paranoid to take steps necessary to protect yourself. and more importantly, this guy is getting worse about it, not better.

as mara stated, he''s messing with you to keep you hooked in. however, i''ve seen his type and the escalation it can take up close and personal with my daughter and my now ex-SIL.

i think you''ve been clear with him. i think you''ve told him enough times that he''s to leave you alone. now its up to you to enforce that.

like any other legal situation, you''re going to have to have the evidence and do the groundwork. do it now. you can always drop it if you don''t need it.

movie zombie

 

akw94

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Date: 12/1/2006 5:17:15 PM
Author: Mara
i agree to an extent dixie but i also think adopting an ''alarmist'' perspective is not the way to go either. freaking out and putting a restraining order in place or whatever, when maybe she just needs to be like ''LOOK i will report you to the cops, leave me alone.''...of course maybe that''s not enough, who knows as people can be unpredictable...but i have had experience with weirdos before...lots of people out there are WACKO and will try to bother you. part of getting rid of them is how strong you act about it and how much they believe you and believe you won''t hesitate to take action should you really need to.

of course definitely be smart about it, but i think all of this or whatever is just feeding the fire he likes to fuel. when i had a stalker living somewhere near me, and leaving me notes on my car, i just got smarter about things and more safe but i didn''t let myself be paranoid or try to think about it too much. i took the necessary steps with reporting it to the cops, beefed up on my kickboxing skills, etc and that was that. eventually i moved away.
Mara, I don''t disagree. I wouldn''t say take an alarmist perspective, just be careful and be aware. I wouldn''t file charges and do the restraining order until after telling him not to contact again and he persists. And actually, as I mentioned, I would still contact the police at that time and have them talk to him. If he persists, at that point, I think more should be done b/c she''s made her position clear and he is not listening.
I don''t completely disagree w/those who have said don''t have any further contact, I just think that people have a right not to be harassed. If he''s continuing in his behavior, I think something should be done. If he stops, then great, it''s over.
I take any kind of harassment very seriously so my reaction is to nip it in the bud, rather than wait it out and let him stop when he gets ready. But that''s just the way I would handle it, just my opinion...

Alexis, whatever you decide, I hope he stops quickly and you have no further contact w/him and am soooo glad you two are no longer together.
 
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