HORRIBLE and/or HYSTERICAL pregnancy moments

[hlmr]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:38:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
How many women have peed on your hand trying to get it in the cup at the doc's visit during months 7-8-9? And how good did you feel when you made the basket on first hit?

Oh, and I nearly fell over head first a few times too.

Extensive hand washing was usually required.

What about ultasounds? How many were told to 'go pee a little bit' because of the long wait. And please tell me, who can go pee 'only a little bit' when your bladder is bursting?

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:46:15 PM
Author: hlmr

Date: 6/22/2009 8:38:23 PM

Author: TravelingGal

How many women have peed on your hand trying to get it in the cup at the doc''s visit during months 7-8-9? And how good did you feel when you made the basket on first hit?

Oh, and I nearly fell over head first a few times too.

Extensive hand washing was usually required.


What about ultasounds? How many had to ''go pee a little bit'' because of the long wait. And please tell me, who can go pee ''only a little bit'' when your bladder is bursting?

isn''t that a mystery? I could never figure that out. I thought I would have a gallon of pee come out but it was a tinkle.

 

[TravelingGal]

Yeah, I always wanted to bring in a 7/11 Big Gulp cup and ask if I could use that one.

I didn''t mind peeing in the cup...didn''t gross me out, but it did weird me out to put it in the pee cup line-up. All those cups of pee, for the world to see. I really felt a bit possessive of my pee cup, always wanting to say, "This one''s MINE, ok? Don''t get my proteins mixed up with someone else''s!"

And WHY do the nurses always put the big weight on the lighter marker when they weigh you? To try to spare myself the humiliation of watching her tap tap tap the indicator higher and higher, I''d just tell her, sorry, you''re going to have to jump straight to the 150 marker and add from there.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Just out of curiosity, did any of the docs/pregnancy books warn you about any of this? Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Isn't that why you pay/buy them?!

Hehe, we should try to get this thread stickied, it's just too hilarious!

 

[packrat]

hahaha glad I''m not the only one who peed on her hand!

 

[packrat]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:48:21 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Just out of curiosity, did any of the docs/pregnancy books warn you about any of this?

None that I read! Maybe they think if they tell it like it REALLY is, women won''t have kids?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:48:21 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Just out of curiosity, did any of the docs/pregnancy books warn you about any of this?

A girlfriend''s guide to pregnancy does a little. You read it for entertainment mostly, because in the beginning of your pregnancy, you know that NONE of that stuff will happen to you.

 

[packrat]

One thing that drove me nuts was coming out of the bathroom w/my little cup o''pee, and there''d be drug reps hanging out waiting for Dr right by the lab.

 

[Kaleigh]

Can I tell a funny story about after I gave birth?? Or is that for another thread??

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:59:07 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Can I tell a funny story about after I gave birth?? Or is that for another thread??

I think all funny stories relating to birth/pregnancy are welcome!

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:59:07 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Can I tell a funny story about after I gave birth?? Or is that for another thread??

do tell!

 

[littlelysser]

Great thread.

I''m almost 30 weeks along.

My most fabulous moment was undoubtedly when I woke in the a.m. and KNEW I was going to puke.

Ran to the bathroom, and as I was yakking into the toilet, I peed myself. It was a real two-fer.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 9:08:48 PM
Author: littlelysser
Great thread.


I''m almost 30 weeks along.


My most fabulous moment was undoubtedly when I woke in the a.m. and KNEW I was going to puke.


Ran to the bathroom, and as I was yakking into the toilet, I peed myself. It was a real two-fer.

when this happened with my first pregnancy, I started keeping a bowl in the bathroom. When I would need to puke, I would sit on the toilet and have the bowl on my lap. I sat there since I KNEW the pee was coming. Ahhh the joys of morning sickness

 

[Kaleigh]

Ok here it goes, have told this before, so am hoping this will be new to some. When I had my first ( Ashley) I had been in labor for 48 hours. Had to have a c section. So on the last night in the hosptial, I told them not to wake me up , wanted a good nights slleep and took a sleeping pill. I wasn''t breast feeding ( had the epstein Barr virus, and they didn''t know back them if it was safe for me to breast feed, this was 20 years ago ). So I am all settled in for my last night of sleep.....It was awesome....

THEN, at 3AM, the door goes crashing open... I was so startled. They wheel this baby in, time to feed your baby!!! I said but wait, I was supposed to have her fed in the nursery...?? I rub my eyes to wake up, was soooo drowsy. They hand me my baby...

But it wasn''t my baby!!!!

I mean this baby was a 10 pounder. Ash was 2 weeks early and just over 6 pounds and bald as an egg. I was holding this baby and saying, this isn''t my baby!!!

They knew I wasn''t playing around, they said aren''t you Mrs, Steinman?? I said NO I am mrs, S***********.

Then I said where is my baby??

I climbed out of bed to go look or her, thank god she was in the nursey, sound asleep.

I was so glad to get out of there the next day...

It''s funny now, but wasn''t back then. They didn''t check the ID bracelets.. They had them but didn''t check them.

 

[musey]

Date: 6/22/2009 6:44:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/22/2009 6:37:18 PM
Author: ice-queen

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!? I thought the areola just gets darker, maybe a *little* bigger???

No kids for me yet (as you can tell) but the one embarassing thing I''m terrified of is that I''ve heard many women, um, poop on the delivery table

They go tribal. I can''t expound any more than that without feeling squeamish.

As for delivery, I will speak for myself, although I''d be willing to bet that 90% of women feel the same way...

When it came time to delivering, I stopped caring about ''stuff'' really quickly. For most it''s a long process and in the end, you want the kid OUT. You''re just so close, you can taste it. OUT OUT OUT. I had medical residents in the room checking out my hoohah. I did not care. Not my appearance, not anything that came out, not odors, not the smell of my breath, NADA. I thought I''d care that TGuy would be ''seeing me like that.'' I didn''t. Over the next few days he helped sop up blood from down there, held a bowl for me while I puked all over myself (all liquid thank goodness), and supported me over the toilet to pee. It is during L&D when it really hits home that not only did I have a husband, I had a PARTNER too.

Is it weird that I managed to get misty at the end of this story??

 

[musey]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:38:37 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
I don't think you are pushing correctly unless you poop a little

DH was holding one of mt legs the whole time, he thought the crowning was the coolest thing he had ever seen. I don't think he cared one bit about the poop... and neither did I.

Wanna know something ridiculous? I was present for my cousin's home birth (it was the first time I'd really seen a birthing process, well, first time I was paying attention). She was in the final stages of pushing, and the light was REALLY low in the room, couldn't see very well, and she started to 'go'... I turned to my mom, and said "is that the baby's head??"

She then explained to me what was happening, and I was utterly shocked that this was the first I've heard of this.

I was 20.

 

[D&T]

such a funny thread.

When I was recovering from my c-section, I could not eat any solids until I was able to pass gass, and boy I was sure hungry, well I was on the potty trying my darndest to pass some gas, but discreetly, and boy I knew it just had to come out, well my bathroom door was not closed all the way- i had a nursing student help me, and neither was the door to my room ( I did not know that at the time) but there was a curtain that you could close. Anyways, I would pass a little but couldn''t control the loudness of it (I was already embarrass of my tooting in front of this nursing student) and then I thought oh heck just let it all out get it done and over with... and boy it was sure loud, my DH was walking in at that moment and said he could hear me as near my room

 

[Shoopy]

This thread is so funny!

I remember once I thought my water broke and cried over it (I must have been 20 weeks) and that’s when I was schooled on “snail trails.” For a long time I couldn’t tell the difference between a baby kick and gas (98% of the time it was gas).

My absolute horrible moment and funny have been in the bowel movement department. The worst has been getting hemies which sucks beyond belief. But I do remember crying hysterically once because I used the bathroom and then couldn’t feel her kick. I was convinced I did some serious damage.

I’ve also had some really unnecessary hysterical crying fits. Once I was making hot dogs for lunch and Mr. Fiery passes by and says “oh…we’re having hot dogs today?” I sobbed blurting out that he didn’t love me. Poor guy didn’t know what to do. He just kept saying over and over “I love your hot dogs! I can’t ask for a better lunch”

 

[Jas12]

Ah pregnancy. I remember going to a meeting on my due date and a young woman attendee was cooing and touching my belly and casually asked " when are you due?" my reply, "today actually" made her literally retract her hand like the fetus inside suddenly burned her, jumped back and (i kid you not) nearly fall from her chair. She was so freaked i was going to spontaneously combust a baby in that room that she was close to hyperventilating .......oookkkayy

Pregnancy stuff is usually just funny, but actual childbirth is the death of modesty

I remember my birth coach telling me weeks before my due date "don''t worry, you *will* crap on the table, every woman does, i am telling you now so you can save the modesty act" I liked her approach and consequently pretty much forgot about this little gem of an experience. Then, hours into labor i distinctly remember when the urge to push came along that other urge came with it. I am not much of a potty mouth and used up my "one swear quota" on my OB when i told him to "f-off" so i think i moaned something like "i feel poopie". Oh gawd, i still cringe. I don''t even know, to this day if i did or not, but i am assuming yes, so i am not going to ask for confirmation

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/22/2009 10:18:42 PM
Author: fiery

This thread is so funny!

I remember once I thought my water broke and cried over it (I must have been 20 weeks) and that’s when I was schooled on “snail trails.”

Snail Trails?

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/22/2009 10:35:28 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 6/22/2009 10:18:42 PM
Author: fiery

This thread is so funny!

I remember once I thought my water broke and cried over it (I must have been 20 weeks) and that’s when I was schooled on “snail trails.”

Snail Trails?

Vaginal discharge

Panty liners are really handy

 

[Dreamer_D]

Okay I finally thought of my funny stories.

Like fiery, I too enjoyed the wonders of the most ridiculous amounts of cervical fluid when I was pg. Sometimes I thought I peed myself! Well once I was having a meeting with a colleague and when I stood up there was a distinct... wet mark on the chair

It was leather, so I sort of kneeled on it to wipe it away with my pants.

My second story is from after I gave birth. In the middle of the night I got up to go pee and I felt a huge gush and I thought, "Oh no!!! Maternal hemmorage!!" So I looked down expecting to see blood and nope, it was clear liquid... I was peeing myself and didn''t even know it! I hobbled to the bathroom peeing all the way and finally got on the toilet and filled the little measuring cup they have there. After that I made sure to go regularly because it was about 5 days before I could actually *feel* the urge to pee!

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 6/22/2009 4:50:52 PM
Author:TravelingGal
Trillionaire''s thread on pregnancy freaking her out had me thinking...we should give those who are freaked good reason to be so!

Want to share that one moment when you just thought, PREGNANCY SUCKS. Could be physical, mental, or just what people said to you. What will stick in your mind as the most ''ARGH!'' pregnancy moment?

Mine:

I was at a mall in Adelaide, Australia (Tea Tree Plaza, to be exact for you Aussies), 6.5 months pregnant when I sneezed.

And PEED.

I was wearing a dress and in horror tried to stop the floodgates. It wet my dress, legs, feet and I am sure also hit the tile. I just said to TGuy, ''Oh my god, I just peed myself. Laugh and die.'' Smart man did not laugh and I walked slowly to the nearest bathroom with my thighs and knees together, pretty well pidgeon-toed.

I was afraid to sneeze for the rest of my pregnancy.

Been there dont that. Kind of makes me laugh thinking about it because it was so long ago.

Funny story- with my first pregnancy my then husband and I were suppose to take a breast feeding class. It was meant for both expectant parents. I never made it to the class because I was stuck in traffic and my cell phone battery died so I could not reach him. Poor man sat through an entire breastfeeding classs with 10 other couples and him all alone. He said he felt like a total pervert and kept saying "My wife should be here any minute, no really she will be here any minute" and I never showed.

 

[jjc]

I just HAVE to say, thank you to everyone for posting about the truly important pregnancy info no book will ever tell you!

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:38:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
How many women have peed on your hand trying to get it in the cup at the doc''s visit during months 7-8-9? And how good did you feel when you made the basket on first hit?

Oh, and I nearly fell over head first a few times too.

LOL on this one. After having 4 kids, I definatley became an expert at peeing in a cup.

 

[jas]

Is it sad that I was out all night and couldn''t get home to catch up on this thread?

I remember the cast of thousands coming to check me out manually. It got to the point I was just spreading my legs for anyone who was coming into the room.

Sure scared the heck out of the food service rep.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 9:35:36 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Ok here it goes, have told this before, so am hoping this will be new to some. When I had my first ( Ashley) I had been in labor for 48 hours. Had to have a c section. So on the last night in the hosptial, I told them not to wake me up , wanted a good nights slleep and took a sleeping pill. I wasn''t breast feeding ( had the epstein Barr virus, and they didn''t know back them if it was safe for me to breast feed, this was 20 years ago ). So I am all settled in for my last night of sleep.....It was awesome....

THEN, at 3AM, the door goes crashing open... I was so startled. They wheel this baby in, time to feed your baby!!! I said but wait, I was supposed to have her fed in the nursery...?? I rub my eyes to wake up, was soooo drowsy. They hand me my baby...

But it wasn''t my baby!!!!

I mean this baby was a 10 pounder. Ash was 2 weeks early and just over 6 pounds and bald as an egg. I was holding this baby and saying, this isn''t my baby!!!

They knew I wasn''t playing around, they said aren''t you Mrs, Steinman?? I said NO I am mrs, S***********.

Then I said where is my baby??

I climbed out of bed to go look or her, thank god she was in the nursey, sound asleep.

I was so glad to get out of there the next day...

It''s funny now, but wasn''t back then. They didn''t check the ID bracelets.. They had them but didn''t check them.

I don''t know whether to laugh or ->

If I had a sick sense of humor, I could have told the nurses they brought me the wrong baby since Amelia had blue/gray eyes and red hair.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:02:10 PM
Author: atroop711
LOL T-GAL...I can''t count how many times that has happened to me but thank god for panty liners. I have had 3 really great pregnancies.

I will tell you that I get really weird dreams when I''m pregnant. I had a dream that my husband was having an affair. I woke up, shouted like a sailor and slapped him a few times. He still laughs at this. I told him OOPS it was the hormones

I''ll ditto this one. I had a ridiculous amount of TGuy leaving TGal dreams during my pregnancy, a lot of them having to do with cheating. Think we could be freaked out that we might have to raise the kids by ourselves?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 9:42:08 PM
Author: musey

Date: 6/22/2009 6:44:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/22/2009 6:37:18 PM
Author: ice-queen

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!? I thought the areola just gets darker, maybe a *little* bigger???

No kids for me yet (as you can tell) but the one embarassing thing I''m terrified of is that I''ve heard many women, um, poop on the delivery table

They go tribal. I can''t expound any more than that without feeling squeamish.

As for delivery, I will speak for myself, although I''d be willing to bet that 90% of women feel the same way...

When it came time to delivering, I stopped caring about ''stuff'' really quickly. For most it''s a long process and in the end, you want the kid OUT. You''re just so close, you can taste it. OUT OUT OUT. I had medical residents in the room checking out my hoohah. I did not care. Not my appearance, not anything that came out, not odors, not the smell of my breath, NADA. I thought I''d care that TGuy would be ''seeing me like that.'' I didn''t. Over the next few days he helped sop up blood from down there, held a bowl for me while I puked all over myself (all liquid thank goodness), and supported me over the toilet to pee. It is during L&D when it really hits home that not only did I have a husband, I had a PARTNER too.

Is it weird that I managed to get misty at the end of this story??

Yes it is musey...are you PREGGERS???

 

[softly softly]

The one that stands out for me is asking a midwife about the alarming lump I could feel amongst the gelatinous mass that was my post c-section stomach only to be told that what I was feeling was actually my bowel poking through because my stomach muscles no longer had a anything resembling a nodding acquaintance with each other.