HORRIBLE and/or HYSTERICAL pregnancy moments

[MakingTheGrade]

These are hilarious!

I''m still a feel years from trying to get preggo, but now I feel better prepared!
Note to self: buy depends and heavily padded bras

 

[ice-queen]

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!? I thought the areola just gets darker, maybe a *little* bigger???

No kids for me yet (as you can tell) but the one embarassing thing I''m terrified of is that I''ve heard many women, um, poop on the delivery table

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 6:37:18 PM
Author: ice-queen

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!? I thought the areola just gets darker, maybe a *little* bigger???

No kids for me yet (as you can tell) but the one embarassing thing I''m terrified of is that I''ve heard many women, um, poop on the delivery table

They go tribal. I can''t expound any more than that without feeling squeamish.

As for delivery, I will speak for myself, although I''d be willing to bet that 90% of women feel the same way...

When it came time to delivering, I stopped caring about "stuff" really quickly. For most it''s a long process and in the end, you want the kid OUT. You''re just so close, you can taste it. OUT OUT OUT. I had medical residents in the room checking out my hoohah. I did not care. Not my appearance, not anything that came out, not odors, not the smell of my breath, NADA. I thought I''d care that TGuy would be "seeing me like that." I didn''t. Over the next few days he helped sop up blood from down there, held a bowl for me while I puked all over myself (all liquid thank goodness), and supported me over the toilet to pee. It is during L&D when it really hits home that not only did I have a husband, I had a PARTNER too.

 

[jas]

Date: 6/22/2009 6:44:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal
They go tribal. I can''t expound any more than that without feeling squeamish.

As for delivery, I will speak for myself, although I''d be willing to bet that 90% of women feel the same way...

When it came time to delivering, I stopped caring about ''stuff'' really quickly. For most it''s a long process and in the end, you want the kid OUT. You''re just so close, you can taste it. OUT OUT OUT. I had medical residents in the room checking out my hoohah. I did not care. Not my appearance, not anything that came out, not odors, not the smell of my breath, NADA. I thought I''d care that TGuy would be ''seeing me like that.'' I didn''t. Over the next few days he helped sop up blood from down there, held a bowl for me while I puked all over myself (all liquid thank goodness), and supported me over the toilet to pee. It is during L&D when it really hits home that not only did I have a husband, I had a PARTNER too.

True. Although I did pop a Tic-Tac before arriving at the hospital.

In my mouth, people. In my mouth.

 

[sunnyd]

My mom pooped on the table delivering me. My dad cleaned it up. Now that''s love, people.

These are cracking me up! Terrifying me, but cracking me up.

 

[AmberWaves]

Jas, I''m an idiot- I hit them on DOORS, when walking through or closing the door to poo yet again. I have no shame now, it''s sad.

 

[atroop711]

LOL T-GAL...I can't count how many times that has happened to me but thank god for panty liners. I have had 3 really great pregnancies.

I will tell you that I get really weird dreams when I'm pregnant. I had a dream that my husband was having an affair. I woke up, shouted like a sailor and slapped him a few times. He still laughs at this. I told him OOPS it was the hormones

 

[packrat]

Oh lordy..my bladder muscles not being what they used to be, I thought I might pee myself reading this!

We''d tried for 3 months and no pregnancy. Mom and dad asked us to come to Vegas w/them to relax. Mom said "Who knows, maybe you''ll be so relaxed you''ll be able to get pregnant" So..we''ll skip the extra curricular activities, but in the airport waiting to go home, we were in a sports bar and I thought ohhhh my I need to use the bathroom NOW-I seriously was so nauseated w/stomach cramps I thought I''d pass out, so I made JD wait outside the bathroom. Figured I''d eaten something that didn''t agree w/me. Then we went a couple weeks later to Des Moines w/some friends and on the way home, I felt the cramps again. I was practically crying, out in the middle of nowhere and begged our friend to speed to the nearest rest stop. I asked JD how much he loved me and made him come in with me. I was embarrassed but jeez-I didn''t know which end or if I''d faint or what. Turns out I did get pg in Vegas. And the same thing happened when I got pg w/Trapper, that''s how we knew. Ick.

I remember being at work one day and mentioning to my coworkers I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid and was going to call the Dr. and one of them said no, it''s pee. I''m like whatever duh. And all of them had had babies before, and they''re like no, seriously, it''s pee, that''s just what happens, stock up on panty liners.

When I realized I was in labor, I called JD to come home from work. My brother was worried, so he left work too, to help me out to the car. Problem was, he likes to joke and it hurt so bad to laugh. He kept trying to pick me up and help me into the seat but bumping me into the door..the side of the car..hit my head on the window.

London was stuck w/her shoulder pressing into my spine. The nurses kept telling me I had to get up and walk and wouldn''t listen that I couldn''t. It was so excruciating to even try to move my leg, there was no way. So, mom and JD got on either side of me and I put an arm around their necks, and they hauled me up and down the halls, my feet dragging on the floor.

I''d just found out at work one day I was pg w/Trapper, so I was about 4 weeks. One of the patients came up to the window and asked when I was due. I smiled and said, sorry, just haven''t lost the rest of the weight from our first, but thanks. I got big w/both kids, but bigger w/Trapper b/c I started out 20# heavier w/him. Couldn''t tell from the back, so when I''d turn around I got a lot of eye popping and "WHOA!" Men w/their pregnant wives/gf''s would look at me, and then their eyes would dart back and forth from my immense girth to their women like ohhh boy is she gonna get like that?? Once I was sitting down behind the desk checking a patient in, and when I stood up, the little girl''s mouth dropped open and she yelled "What in the WORLD??" The mom turned purple and pulled her away..my front desk coworker had to roll her chair into the other room so nobody could see her laughing hysterically. I knocked London over a couple times w/my belly.

Ohh when I was pg w/London, I was um...grooming shall we say, and noticed this big purple vein. Never seen anything like it. I thought oh dear lord my genitals are going to explode-I mean that sucker was huuuuge. I made JD look, he got freaked out, so I called my gramma who was a nurse, and walked up to her house and made her look too. Just a normal occurrence she said.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 6:37:18 PM
Author: ice-queen

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM

Author: TravelingGal

And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!?

yes mine completely changed...they looked like I took a black marker and colored them in

 

[cdt1101]

I sh*t myself at work....enuf said

 

[Blenheim]

LOL!!

Date: 6/22/2009 6:44:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/22/2009 6:37:18 PM
Author: ice-queen

Date: 6/22/2009 5:39:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And let''s not forget the first time you actually SEE how your nipples changed! There were expletives a plenty when I stared in shock, wide eyed at the mirror and thought, ''Oh my GOD...I always thought only naked tribal people on the pages of National Geographic have nipples like THAT!''

Wait, what happens to your nipples!?!? I thought the areola just gets darker, maybe a *little* bigger???

No kids for me yet (as you can tell) but the one embarassing thing I''m terrified of is that I''ve heard many women, um, poop on the delivery table

They go tribal. I can''t expound any more than that without feeling squeamish.

As for delivery, I will speak for myself, although I''d be willing to bet that 90% of women feel the same way...

When it came time to delivering, I stopped caring about ''stuff'' really quickly. For most it''s a long process and in the end, you want the kid OUT. You''re just so close, you can taste it. OUT OUT OUT. I had medical residents in the room checking out my hoohah. I did not care. Not my appearance, not anything that came out, not odors, not the smell of my breath, NADA. I thought I''d care that TGuy would be ''seeing me like that.'' I didn''t. Over the next few days he helped sop up blood from down there, held a bowl for me while I puked all over myself (all liquid thank goodness), and supported me over the toilet to pee. It is during L&D when it really hits home that not only did I have a husband, I had a PARTNER too.

I keep hearing that you just stop caring about stuff, but I didn''t completely. When I was about 9-10 cm dilated, I was in the bathroom pooping when my husband came and I just screamed at him "GET OF HERE YOU''RE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE THIS!!" He really wanted to be in there - who knows why, I think he had a reason at the time - so we decided that he was allowed to sit right in front of me and look into my eyes and nowhere else. Then later, in the birth pool, I noticed a midwife scooping up a floater with our fish net and I got worried that I pooped in front of everyone, so she reassured me by telling me it was just meconium (with breeches it''s not a sign of distress). Nudity, on the other hand - I didn''t care who saw that. My favorite picture of the birth, by far, is a picture of him rumping and I just wish that it was appropriate to show it to everyone. I mean, how often do you get to see a baby coming out butt first!?

I once started leaking all over my shirt at work and had a coworker tell me that it was an unfortunate place for me to spill water. Hahahaha.

 

[Pandora II]

Okay, here goes:

Pregnancy:

- Puking madly in flowerbeds/sinks/loos/down drains in the road/anywhere for over TWENTY weeks (and that was with meds to help stop it)

- Having my ankles/knees/thighs/hoo ha slowly turn into this one solid mass that was so swollen up it was rock-hard and was rather painful for nearly 6 weeks. It took 15 minutes and so much groaning to put socks and shoes on that DH wondered if I was in labour. If I had a bath I had to have DH in the house as I couldn''t get out without help and even then...

- Wearing an elasticated tube bandage for two months from under-boobs to under-butt to stop my rib pain (and was I ever grateful for it) and feeling like a caterpillar trying to get in and out of it!

- The woman''s face at the checkout when I bought 6 boxes of cupcakes in one go - oh and the time I burst into tears because they had sold out of Granny Smith apples (the poor SA looked really worried)

Birth:

- Not getting an epidural for over FORTY hours!

- Dignity and modesty just go out the window... I remember lying there after 20 minutes of ineffectual pushing with my legs up in stirrups and three OBs coming into the room and trying to manually turn the baby''s head. Luckily I''d had the epidural and I hit the gas and air fast when I saw what they were doing: literally they just put their WHOLE hand up you and grope about a bit - and then you see the blood pouring off the glove and think WTF... and yes, all three of them had a go.

- Discovering when I as finally allowed out of bed 3 days later after the catheter was removed and discovering that I had zero bladder control - and I mean ZERO. Now, five weeks on it''s getting back to normal as long as I make sure to go often so I don''t have to suddenly make a dash for it

I agree that this is when you discover just how much your DH loves you!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:04:20 PM
Author: packrat

Ohh when I was pg w/London, I was um...grooming shall we say, and noticed this big purple vein. Never seen anything like it. I thought oh dear lord my genitals are going to explode-I mean that sucker was huuuuge. I made JD look, he got freaked out, so I called my gramma who was a nurse, and walked up to her house and made her look too. Just a normal occurrence she said.

BAHAHAHA!

 

[lili]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:04:20 PM
Author: packrat
Ohh when I was pg w/London, I was um...grooming shall we say, and noticed this big purple vein. Never seen anything like it. I thought oh dear lord my genitals are going to explode-I mean that sucker was huuuuge. I made JD look, he got freaked out, so I called my gramma who was a nurse, and walked up to her house and made her look too. Just a normal occurrence she said.

LOL.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don''t think you are pushing correctly unless you poop a little

DH was holding one of mt legs the whole time, he thought the crowning was the coolest thing he had ever seen. I don''t think he cared one bit about the poop... and neither did I.

 

[hlmr]

hehee....when I had an ear infection at almost eight months pregnant. EXCRUTIATING, went to see a specialist who examined me on a narrow metal table, and walked right out of the room and left me there afterwards/.........

Of course, I couldn''t get up and had to shimy on my side and prop myself up with the elbow. Let''s just say I have a strong appreciation for the predicament of upside down turtles......lol

Also, two weeks after ds was born, my hubby (who REALLY wanted to see this) and I went to see the hell freezes over Eagles tour, and of course, it was the first night my son slept for four hours straight for my dh''s mother, who was visiting for a week. Anywho, when we went through the ticket gate, I handed my ticket over to a lovely lady who proceeded to ask, "aawwwww, so when are you due dear....soon????"

My worst story was when I was in labour, the machine that monitors contractions was not positioned properly on me (and I wasn''t moving one bit) so, it appeared that I was not having contractions, when of course I was. I am the type that when in pain, says not a word, makes not a peep, nor breathes, etc.....lol, so let''s just say that I didn''t get treated nearly as well as my dh, who was in the hallway having a nap on a bench, with warming blankets applied at regular intervals!!!!!!

 

[LostSapphire]

OMG I am peeing my pants just reading this.

LS

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 6:55:15 PM
Author: sunnyd
My mom pooped on the table delivering me. My dad cleaned it up. Now that''s love, people.

unfort. this was my reality too

and my husband did just as your dad did..THAT IS LOVE

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:45:36 PM
Author: LostSapphire
OMG I am peeing my pants just reading this.

LS

Ditto...and I''m also wondering how many methods of birth control I can use at once!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/22/2009 7:40:45 PM
Author: hlmr

Also, two weeks after ds was born, my hubby (who REALLY wanted to see this) and I went to see the hell freezes over Eagles tour, and of course, it was the first night my son slept for four hours straight for my dh''s mother, who was visiting for a week. Anywho, when we went through the ticket gate, I handed my ticket over to a lovely lady who proceeded to ask, ''aawwwww, so when are you due dear....soon????''

That''s nothing. Amelia is nearly 15 months old. When I see people I haven''t seen in a long time, they exclaim, "OH MY GOD! You decided to have another one ALREADY???!?"

 

[hlmr]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:01:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/22/2009 7:40:45 PM
Author: hlmr

Also, two weeks after ds was born, my hubby (who REALLY wanted to see this) and I went to see the hell freezes over Eagles tour, and of course, it was the first night my son slept for four hours straight for my dh''s mother, who was visiting for a week. Anywho, when we went through the ticket gate, I handed my ticket over to a lovely lady who proceeded to ask, ''aawwwww, so when are you due dear....soon????''

That''s nothing. Amelia is nearly 15 months old. When I see people I haven''t seen in a long time, they exclaim, ''OH MY GOD! You decided to have another one ALREADY???!?''

Oooohhhh Nooooooo, that sux TG!!!

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:01:13 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/22/2009 7:40:45 PM

Author: hlmr


Also, two weeks after ds was born, my hubby (who REALLY wanted to see this) and I went to see the hell freezes over Eagles tour, and of course, it was the first night my son slept for four hours straight for my dh''s mother, who was visiting for a week. Anywho, when we went through the ticket gate, I handed my ticket over to a lovely lady who proceeded to ask, ''aawwwww, so when are you due dear....soon????''

That''s nothing. Amelia is nearly 15 months old. When I see people I haven''t seen in a long time, they exclaim, ''OH MY GOD! You decided to have another one ALREADY???!?''

ppl are so rude. I gave birth 10/29/08...just 4-5 days later was election day. I went down to vote and some twit from my building says...wow you still look pregnant! I told her I just gave birth 5 days ago..and gave her a not so nice look

 

[TravelingGal]

OK, I should mentioned the above screaming is a slight exaggeration, but I did recently see my friend's sister, who I don't know that well. She is the nicest person (just like my friend) and we ran into them at a frozen yogurt place. Her face lit up in happiness and surprise when she saw my belly (my child was WITH me, btw) and actually put her hand on my tummy. She quickly realized her mistake when her hand just sank into the gelatinous mush.

(and again, I'm not making that up.)

ETA, TGuy was with me. That made it even more demoralizing.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:04:36 PM
Author: TravelingGal
OK, I should mentioned the above screaming is a slight exaggeration, but I did recently see my friend''s sister, who I don''t know that well. She is the nicest person (just like my friend) and we ran into them at a frozen yogurt place. Her face lit up in happiness and surprise when she saw my belly (my child was WITH me, btw) and actually put her hand on my tummy. She quickly realized her mistake when her hand just sank into the gelatinous mush.

(and again, I''m not making that up.)

ETA, TGuy was with me. That made it even more demoralizing.

Okay, I am LMAO now.......sorry TG!!! Those who have lived through gelatinous mush moments have to laugh, or else we''ll have to keep

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Hysterical moments:

1. I was preggo and wanted to have a bowl of cereal before bed. My hubby got up to make it for me, opened the fridge only to find that we had no milk. He told me and I cried like it was the end of the world. He said he''d run to the store to pick some up but I sobbed even more at the thought of being left alone, starving. So I went to bed.

2. I was early in my pregnancy (like 10 weeks along) and it was time to go cut a Christmas tree and decorate it. We get the tree home and put it up and I''m all excited to start decorating it. DH wanted to have dinner so I did it by myself, crying the entire time. Pitiful.

Horrible moments:

1. Early in my pregnancy we went to McD''s for lunch and I ordered a double cheeseburger. I even asked the gal to make it fresh for me. She did so and it looked so good. I took one bite and nearly jumped out of the booth to puke.

I couldn''t eat anymore of it after that. Later in my pregnancy all I could eat was Big Macs. Go figure.

2. I had horrible nausea from about weeks 8 - 14 and I often couldn''t speak without gagging. I answer the phone at work and I had to put a caller on hold more than once so I could gag into the trash can next to my desk. Our restroom is locked at down the hall a way so it wasn''t worth running to the bathroom over. Ewww. Even beyond the m/s I had an aversion to all bathrooms. I really had to psych myself up to go into one and then hold my breath practically the whole time.

Labor and delivery wasn''t too bad, I didn''t think for me. I know that I pooped on the table and I didn''t/don''t care. All I could focus on was getting the baby out NOW. It felt so good to deliver my son and to get rid of the pressure down there.

 

[packrat]

Atroop-10/29 is my birthday!

When I was pg w/London, during the early months when you have this cute little rounded belly, mom and I were at my gramma''s, and my aunt and uncle were there. He would put his finger on his nose to stick it up and oink like a pig and call me Porky. Not so keen on that. Still stinging from that, I was at home one day on the computer and we had a cordless mouse and I was ticked b/c it seemed the batteries never lasted, so I ran up to Kmart. As I stepped into the store, there''s my aunt and a cousin. My aunt says really loud "OMG you are getting SO FAT!" Sooooo I took a deep breath, threw my arms up in the air and bellered "GOD DA**IT I AM NOT FAT I''M F**KING PREGNANT YOU IDIOTS!" and then stomped past them for the stupid batteries.

6 months ago at the dentists, I was laying in the chair and the dentist is telling me my gums were bleeding a little. (I had gingivitis when pg w/both kids, and she''d told me both times that being pg can mess w/your teeth, so no biggee.) So, I said well jeez, how long does pregnancy related gingivitis last for heaven''s sakes?? Dentist says well, when are you due? Says I "Um, Trapper''s almost 2, so shouldn''t it be going away by now?" She says "it takes a while for your hormones to get back to normal, and they probably weren''t settled when you got pregnant this time" I''m like, uh..I''m not pregnant tho. She''s smiles "Oh, are you not telling anyone yet?" I''m like noooo, I''m NOT pregnant. I wanted to cry but I just laid there and smiled and laughed it off..she''s like but I heard you were! I shrugged and said nope, sorry, that''s just me liking food and cappuccinos.

 

[hlmr]

Another funny moment for me was when the doc who delivered my son came in the next day to check on me. I was attempting to breast feed, and didn''t bother to hide the food supply from him. The nurse who was nearby, told the doc, just a sec, and quickly came to put a blanket on me. I couldn''t really relate, as this guy had seen everything but my breasts, so at that point, who really cared??!!??

 

[TravelingGal]

How many women have peed on your hand trying to get it in the cup at the doc''s visit during months 7-8-9? And how good did you feel when you made the basket on first hit?

Oh, and I nearly fell over head first a few times too.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/22/2009 8:38:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
How many women have peed on your hand trying to get it in the cup at the doc''s visit during months 7-8-9? And how good did you feel when you made the basket on first hit?

Oh, and I nearly fell over head first a few times too.

LOL I always said they make those cups too damn small

 

[atroop711]

How about the GAS...oh boy it was flatulence city. I remember thinking..OMG I''ve become MY HUSBAND