GF going nuts over engagement

[Thelastrealman]

First off thank you for responding, I''ve learned a tremendous amount in a short time.

Please refer to the other thread of an explaination about its origins as well as my comments.

Back on topic...

I do not get off on having "power" over her. I truely think a material possesion should not bring someone to the brink of insanity like it has her. You guys think I''m kidding when I say she cries? I can guarentee she gets engagements shots from more angles then anyone on this forum. The poor girl gets tortured at work, and at home. Her mother is an Italian immigrant and has poor control over the English language and sometimes says downright mean things to her.

"Why dont you be nicer to him and he''ll want to marry you"
"Why hasnt he proposed yet?"

etc..

Friends at work and neighbors, classmates, everyone is engaged and getting knocked up asking her when will it be her day, its completely horrible and shes confided in me telling me these horrible things that make her feel inept. I''ve gotten to the point of almost going in the closet and giving it to her to stop the tears and silence the critics but I refuse to be a slave to societies bs pressures they put on women. I hate it more then anything and I have spend many hours, litterally, explaining these pressures and how wrong these people are and how truely romantic I want it to be.

"That poor girl" please, its a diamond, I already commited my love in a promise ring to her and treat her like the goddess. She knows I''m creative and she knows I want this to be a story she will love to tell forever, I want her to have that, this isnt all 100% about the girl here imho, this is about OUR life.

I hate waiting, the more I think about it the more is haunting me. How about the poor guy. The weather is just getting nice, I want to do it when I''m ready too, this is a massive commitment! I''m sorry if my personal feelings, lack of explaining and general dialog have rubbed people wrong but I''m suffering as well. This is making my head hurt when I''m at work just thinking of the million possibilities.

To the person who asked if we frequent NYC, the answer is no, we don''t. It was her idea since I do whatever she wants on that day, Once I enter NYC into the equation, you''re right, I''m screwed if I dont drop to my knee someplace, this leaves me with a ton of homework for romantic, memorable spots. Weather will place a factor though, I really want it to be special, I''m sorry if my definition of special has come off as controlling or like an @$$. Not sure what else to say other then thank you for the comments that helped shine some light of the female point of you, everything you''ve said has echoed what I''ve experienced or have had a hunch about.

Sorry for the wall of text and any grammer issues (if any)

Would love to read some more replies too.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/6/2009 9:42:41 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
First off thank you for responding, I''ve learned a tremendous amount in a short time.


Please refer to the other thread of an explaination about its origins as well as my comments.


Back on topic...


I do not get off on having ''power'' over her. I truely think a material possesion should not bring someone to the brink of insanity like it has her. You guys think I''m kidding when I say she cries? I can guarentee she gets engagements shots from more angles then anyone on this forum. The poor girl gets tortured at work, and at home. Her mother is an Italian immigrant and has poor control over the English language and sometimes says downright mean things to her.


''Why dont you be nicer to him and he''ll want to marry you''

''Why hasnt he proposed yet?''


etc..


Friends at work and neighbors, classmates, everyone is engaged and getting knocked up asking her when will it be her day, its completely horrible and shes confided in me telling me these horrible things that make her feel inept. I''ve gotten to the point of almost going in the closet and giving it to her to stop the tears and silence the critics but I refuse to be a slave to societies bs pressures they put on women. I hate it more then anything and I have spend many hours, litterally, explaining these pressures and how wrong these people are and how truely romantic I want it to be.


''That poor girl'' please, its a diamond, I already commited my love in a promise ring to her and treat her like the goddess. She knows I''m creative and she knows I want this to be a story she will love to tell forever, I want her to have that, this isnt all 100% about the girl here imho, this is about OUR life.


I hate waiting, the more I think about it the more is haunting me. How about the poor guy. The weather is just getting nice, I want to do it when I''m ready too, this is a massive commitment! I''m sorry if my personal feelings, lack of explaining and general dialog have rubbed people wrong but I''m suffering as well. This is making my head hurt when I''m at work just thinking of the million possibilities.


To the person who asked if we frequent NYC, the answer is no, we don''t. It was her idea since I do whatever she wants on that day, Once I enter NYC into the equation, you''re right, I''m screwed if I dont drop to my knee someplace, this leaves me with a ton of homework for romantic, memorable spots. Weather will place a factor though, I really want it to be special, I''m sorry if my definition of special has come off as controlling or like an @$$. Not sure what else to say other then thank you for the comments that helped shine some light of the female point of you, everything you''ve said has echoed what I''ve experienced or have had a hunch about.


Sorry for the wall of text and any grammer issues (if any)


Would love to read some more replies too.

Honey, you just keep digging your own grave. If your girl is anything like me, it''s not about ''just a diamond.'' Obviously you''re not getting what we''ve been telling you. If you''re not ready to do it now, then maybe you''re just not ready yet. In which case, that''s a different story.

 

[AprilBaby]

She is 22 and she has all this pressure??? Geeze! Where do you live? Neither one of you sounds mature enough to be getting married anyways.

 

[mrscushion]

Well, some of the things you''ve said weren''t the nicest, and you have to understand that there are a ton of women here who went through the waits and periods of anguish that your girlfriend is going through now, so we are likely to take her point of view. However, I do see where you are coming from. Look, societal pressure or not, you have made your decision to get married to her, so do it already! I''m sorry planning a proposal is stressful, but I think what we''re trying to tell you is that no matter how you do it, it will be incredibly special to her, so don''t put so much pressure on yourself! Just do it. You will make her so incredibly happy, it will all be worth it.

 

[Haven]

Thelast--Thanks for coming back.

I believe you that your girlfriend is acting like a crazy person over this engagement because I''ve seen it before. I *might* have had a few moments myself when I was in her position.

I''m not sure why it would be horrible for her if everyone around her is getting married and pregnant, that just seems petty to me, but that''s another issue. (Is she very young? I haven''t seen many 28-year-olds behave like that, for example.)

As for the proposal, I still think that you shouldn''t put it off until August. Create a little magic of your own at home, and pop the question there. I personally wanted a small, private proposal, and I was thrilled when my husband proposed to me in the privacy of his condo.

 

[Thelastrealman]

She has said before she doesnt care how I give it to her as long as its from me. And to the lady who only read 1 line of my entire post, I didnt mean shes after the material object of "shiny pretty thing". I mean its the passage of the ring to her from me is what she cares about. Those 10 seconds mean everything to her and if you had read anything you would realize this is stressing me out too and I'm from a family with no girls other then my mom so I dont have that mentality of knowing these things or completely understanding them.

Its looking like next week might be a big week for us..


Haven, yes, she is sort of petty in that way. In a house full of girls, I've learned pettiness and jealousy run RAMPANT. She's very mature and very immature in some ways. This is one of those ways, letting her emotions get the best of her which imho (and I got the flame suit on) constitutes immaturity. She has every right to think about it and want it but using the example of all her 20-24 year old friends gettting what she wants just doesnt fly with me. I'm a realist and someone who has a great respect for responsibility (first born male). For the record I'm 26 and financially stable in my own apartment, after the engagement I plan of applying for house mortgages. We live in southern NY

 

[gummibear]

Thelastrealman--you say you "refuse to be a slave to societies bs pressures they put on women," but yet you are putting enormous pressure on yourself to have that "special," "perfect" proposal. Isn''t that a societal pressure that is put on men?

Seriously, relax...a proposal can still be special even if it isn''t planned down to the last detail. I think any woman would rather have their proposal be heartfelt than overly orchestrated.

 

[Thelastrealman]

I guess you could call it inverse pressure. This is a big moment for me because its a big moment for her, period.

Before we had these discussions I thought it would be really simple and easy but she watches all these shows, hears about stories from work, watches these movies...

I know logically at the time I'm on my knee professing my love, not one of those things will be in her mind but it still bothers me. I just appreciate a quality story, delivery, I'm a project whore, I take little things and make them big... probably one of my fatal flaws.

I just care a lot. Maybe I'll print this thread off and hand it to her and as shes reading it just get on one knee. lol j/k

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:07:57 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I guess you could call it inverse pressure. This is a big moment for me because its a big moment for her, period.


Before we had these discussions I thought it would be really simple and easy but she watches all these shows, hears about stories from work, watches these movies...


I know logically at the time I''m on my knee professing my love, not one of those things will be in her mind but it still bothers me. I just appreciate a quality story, delivery, I''m a project whore, I take littel things and make them big... probably one of my fatal flaws.

Hey, I absolutely think you should propose the way you had planned because you know your gf best. All I''m saying is don''t drag it out because it is really hard for the "Lady IN Waiting." Just check them out in the LIW forum next door...suffering is putting it mildly sometimes.

Good luck.

 

[rainwood]

New York provides so many exciting possibilities for a proposal. Stop debating or explaining yourself and get cracking on figuring out the specifics of how you''re going to do it. Keep in mind, you want the proposal to be meaningful, it doesn''t have to be big or perfect.

 

[Haven]

So, what does she like? What is she passionate about? Let''s make this home-based proposal something you will be proud of.

Here''s an example: I''m a booknerd. I teach high school English. I collect first edition books. My favorite places are used bookstores. My husband is not exactly the most creative guy, but he pulled off the *perfect* proposal for me:

I went to his condo one afternoon, he was in his bedroom getting ready for the Rush concert we were off to, and he called out to me to go through a stack of magazines in the living room to see if I wanted to keep any before he put them in the recycling. I got to the bottom of the stack and there were four giant wedding magazines sitting there, all neat and pretty. At first I thought he was just being sweet because I knew the ring was being made and I was getting excited for the wedding planning. But then I grabbed them from the bottom of the pile and saw a shiny silver bookmark curled around the binding of one of the magazines. I looked closely, and it had "Will you marry . . . " engraved on it. At that moment, DH came out of the other room with another bookmark, this one read "me?" and it had my e-ring looped onto it. He pulled the ring off the bookmark, got down on one knee, and said some very wonderful things. It was perfect. I could not have been happier.

I have a silver bookmark that reminds me of the day he asked me to marry him, and I think of that moment every time I see it. And I see it a lot, because I''m always reading something.

Proposal excitement post here

So, what does she like? What makes her tick? You don''t need a stage and a perfect sunset to propose, just some creativity.

 

[E B]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:07:57 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I guess you could call it inverse pressure. This is a big moment for me because its a big moment for her, period.

We completely understand, and we're trying to tell you not to overthink it. A proposal doesn't have to be flashy or complicated to be perfect. What do the two of you like to do together? Grill steaks in the backyard? Make a small evening picnic outdoors with a few candles and propose under the stars.

You can make it special and soon- very little homework needed. Just be creative.

ETA: Haven beat me to it, but she's right on. You don't need the perfect place, or the perfect weather. As long as you put a little thought into it, it'll be perfect for her. (And if it isn't, well, we can't help you with that!)

 

[Thelastrealman]

Yeah see this NYC thing is a whole new dynamic. I was honestly going to give it to her one a midnight stroll on the beach. I was even thinking of days this year with digits that are significant to use so it would have a meaning but that got a little crazy.

Shes into art but not a specific style so much, she enjoys doing her own, not really passionate enough to go to art galleries imo. Central Park would have to have perfect weather for me to go that route. Empire State building seems very cliche to me, we're both not fond of heights even though I like to do "accomplishments" like that lol. Umm I dont know, I have about 1 week to decide, I mean for all I know I might just do it in the middle of the street or some random restaurant pick. Perhaps in the Cash Cab lmao.


EBree I totally Egree, lol sorry just had too.

Um the creative part is the hard work for me, thats what I'm beating myself up about, I have a crazy imagination and I've been told I'm very creative. I just need to clear my head....once I'm not thinking about, I'll get the perfect idea.

 

[Haven]

What else has meaning for her, or for the two of you? Give us something to work with, we''ll help!

 

[Thelastrealman]

Honestly she is a very simple girl with respects to hobbies/passions. She works and spends time with me really, we like watching movies together, both in bed and in the theater. We go to parks when the weather permits. Really all we do is eat, sleep and hang out, we''re like best friends that dont really need to do a lot to have a good time but we still hit the town hitting up bars, comedy clubs, dinner out with friends, etc.

I know, really nothing to work with here, you should see how hard Xmas and birthdays are with a "LIW", I got her all the art supplies and jewelry in the world. Oh, she likes clothes, shoes and bags too. Loves fashion.

All I got.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:35:59 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
Honestly she is a very simple girl with respects to hobbies/passions. She works and spends time with me really, we like watching movies together, both in bed and in the theater. We go to parks when the weather permits. Really all we do is eat, sleep and hang out, we're like best friends that dont really need to do a lot to have a good time but we still hit the town hitting up bars, comedy clubs, dinner out with friends, etc.


I know, really nothing to work with here, you should see how hard Xmas and birthdays are with a 'LIW', I got her all the art supplies and jewelry in the world. Oh, she likes clothes, shoes and bags too. Loves fashion.


All I got.

You should propose under the big button in the garment district.

ETA: Here: button

 

[Haven]

Do you go to a lot of movies together? If so, we could really have a lot of fun with a local movie theatre and custom-made ticket stubs. You could set it up for them to hand your girlfriend tickets that you made ahead of time with something cutesy written on them, and you could get down and propose right there. Or, you could get an usher to come into your theatre and make an announcement, they could shine a spotlight on you, yadda yadda.

 

[Bia]

Is she shy? Meaning she doesn''t like to be the center of attention. Because if she is she might really feel uncomfortable with a public proposal. If she''s not shy, then doing it at the movies or in the garment district are great ideas.

 

[grapegravity]

One proposal idea would be go to watch a movie in the movie theater and you can pre-arrange and ask the movie theater staff to play a short slide show (which made by you

) with pics of you guys together at the end of the movie and then pop the question...

 

[TravelingGal]

I don''t know why so many women on this thread are so up in arms. Give me a break. Head over to LIW and you''ll see tons of women crying all the time about their status and acting all sorts of kooky. His woman is probably like so many on Pricescope - they are kind of nuts over pending engagement. Just because other LIW''s coo over you and give you hugs does not make this phase any less crazy. You ARE momentarily crazy.

Ask the now married PSers if they don''t look back and think they went a little koo koo. Doesn''t mean they aren''t nice normal women.

Anyway, I would imagine the LIW would understand and encourage their fellow LIW to wait for somethinng special, especially if her man was the RARE BREED who was actually stressing over it. How many stories have we seen where the proposal wasn''t special enough - to the point where I remember one engaged LIW who wanted a DO OVER.

To the OP - Summer is not that far away. If your woman can''t get a grip and keep it together for a few more months, then I say dump her. OK, I''m kidding, but I do say don''t fret too much, and do what you think will make you both happy. Unless she wants to ask YOU, popping the question is YOUR gig.

This is the ONE AND ONLY THING in the scheme of marriage planning you will get to make your own, and I really think women should be understanding of that. Just like men should be understanding that as soon as that ring is on her finger, the craziness just refocuses onto sh*t like color swatches.

 

[anyname]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:35:59 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
Honestly she is a very simple girl with respects to hobbies/passions. She works and spends time with me really, we like watching movies together, both in bed and in the theater. We go to parks when the weather permits. Really all we do is eat, sleep and hang out, we''re like best friends that dont really need to do a lot to have a good time but we still hit the town hitting up bars, comedy clubs, dinner out with friends, etc.


I know, really nothing to work with here, you should see how hard Xmas and birthdays are with a ''LIW'', I got her all the art supplies and jewelry in the world. Oh, she likes clothes, shoes and bags too. Loves fashion.


All I got.

whatever you do, DO NOT DROP THE RING OFF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE. But even if you do, you get national news coverage, a great story (assuming you find the ring), so even when things don''t go "perfectly" and according to plan it''s still memorable.

You''ve mentioned the fact that you grew up in a predominately male household and aren''t used to her "womanly" ways and seem so bewildered by her behaviors. It comes off a little sexist, just a smidgen. Unless you were trying to do schtick.

 

[Miscka]

Haven, I just want to say that it is incredibly kind of you to go out of your way to be so helpful.

Thelast-she is totally right. I see what you are saying about pressure, but it could be something that has more meaning than some big over-the-top production and her "story" will be just as, if not cuter.

SanDiegoLady''s husband proposed with a straw tied in a knot in the hospital and I love that story.

good luck to you!

 

[CNOS128]

Ooh, or go to Times Square and get the Naked Cowboy to sing her a proposal, while you drop to one knee with the ring. Very NY, very memorable. Good story.

 

[ladypirate]

What about taking her rowing on central park lake? It''s gorgeous this time of year and uber romantic!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:52:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Just like men should be understanding that as soon as that ring is on her finger, the craziness just refocuses onto sh*t like color swatches.

Bwahaha...no wonder men are so puzzled by us. All we can think about is STUFF!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/6/2009 11:01:01 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/6/2009 10:52:12 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Just like men should be understanding that as soon as that ring is on her finger, the craziness just refocuses onto sh*t like color swatches.

Bwahaha...no wonder men are so puzzled by us. All we can think about is STUFF!

HEY! The right color swatch can change your life!

 

[luckystar112]

Do you rent movies together?

You could call up your rental place and have them put some wedding-related movies on hold (My Best Friend's Wedding? Father of the Bride? The Wedding Singer? The Princess Bride? My Big Fat Greek Wedding?). Of course you could make them more obscure if you so choose.

Have her pick up the movies on her way back from work/school/whatever.

After looking at the titles she'll be completely bewildered.

Meanwhile, cook her a nice dinner. Wait for her to get home. Pop some popcorn. Then pop the question.

Then go for a walk on the beach! lol

 

[FrekeChild]

I like lucky''s idea.

 

[Po10472]

Date: 4/6/2009 4:27:08 PM
Author: Po10472
If it were me, this is what I would do...................go to NYC for 2 nights, book a really gorgeous hotel and order breakfast in bed the morning of your anniversary. Plan to have her go for a nice relaxing bath that you''ve prepared for her and once she''s in the bathroom scatter rose petals on the bed and phone room service and have them bring up a luxurious tray with red roses, warm croissants, chocolate, strawberries and champagne and have them place the ring box on the tray (this has all be pre-arranged of course).

Then propose to her when she''s had a nice nights sleep and all squeeky clean and looking forward to the day ahead and your anniversary. Once all the smoochies are over and you''ve finsihed phoning your loved ones with the good news, give her some wedding magazines you''ve hidden for her to flip through whilst you''re getting ready.

Then go spend a nice romantic day in NYC then go out for cocktails and dinner. Your new FI will be bursting at the seems with joy and excitement and want to show everyone her beautiful ring and she''ll be able to once you''re home from your short trip whereas if you wait til you''re on holiday in August she''ll have to wait ages until she gets home to tell everyone.

Just bumping my own post..........no need to worry about the weather or proposing in public this way. And if you want to wait until your holiday/vacation.......then at least let her know that you have the ring, that will douse the flames for a while.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/6/2009 9:42:41 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
First off thank you for responding, I''ve learned a tremendous amount in a short time.

....
I truely think a material possesion should not bring someone to the brink of insanity like it has her. You guys think I''m kidding when I say she cries?

''That poor girl'' please, its a diamond,

Oh man, you have seriously overcooked this girl.She keeps bringing up the subject over and over again, crying repeatedly and you think it''s HER that has the problem?!!

You are blaming her MOTHER for making her feel bad??! Her mother is probably worried sick about her!

I really think you should go back and read all the advice that has previously been posted, PhoenixGirl really nailed it for me on page 1, when she listed how you had detailed how important a proposal was for your girl, and how little it actually mattered to you.
Yet here you are, all geed up because she has the audacity to hope it''ll be happening on her exciting trip to NYC!
You wanted a beach.
You wanted August.
Hmmm...