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Thelastrealman

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
22
My gf works in jewelry. She sells engagement rings every day to happy couples, guys suprising their girls, everyday.

We''ve been going out almost 4 years, she is the girl for me and I have the ring of her dreams already (unknown to her) but no matter how many times I sit down and talk to her, it still creeps back.

For awhile I couldnt afford it, then I got it and I was waiting for the right time, when I felt comfortable and in a romantic setting.

We have our 4 year anniversary coming up, I KNOW shes praying for this to be the day. I personally think its corny. I would like to do it on our upcoming vacation in August but that is a long time and we''re bound to be in a few more fights.

I tell her its happening this year, I tell her I want it to be special and in a special place. I''ve told her I wont do it in an ordinary location, i.e around this area. I''ve even told her no holidays. She still comes back to me with the. "at least I know what I want, I wont wait forever, I guess I have to wait for you, I guess you''re not ready", all complete emotional ramblings.

I swear its so different for guys, I understand the gravitiy of this moment, because its effecting me too but this runs really deep, she comes from a house full of women, 3 other sisters! This day has been planned for about 15 years (shes 22).

Any advice to help me out? lol I mean our anniversary is in 1 week, she wants to go to NYC for the day since we live close, There are a lot of ideal places to do a proposal but I really envisioned it on the beach during a late night walk and want to stick with that!

HALP!
 

Maisie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 30, 2006
Messages
12,578
Date: 4/6/2009 3:42:54 PM
Author:Thelastrealman
My gf works in jewelry. She sells engagement rings every day to happy couples, guys suprising their girls, everyday.

We''ve been going out almost 4 years, she is the girl for me and I have the ring of her dreams already (unknown to her) but no matter how many times I sit down and talk to her, it still creeps back.

For awhile I couldnt afford it, then I got it and I was waiting for the right time, when I felt comfortable and in a romantic setting.

We have our 4 year anniversary coming up, I KNOW shes praying for this to be the day. I personally think its corny. I would like to do it on our upcoming vacation in August but that is a long time and we''re bound to be in a few more fights.

I tell her its happening this year, I tell her I want it to be special and in a special place. I''ve told her I wont do it in an ordinary location, i.e around this area. I''ve even told her no holidays. She still comes back to me with the. ''at least I know what I want, I wont wait forever, I guess I have to wait for you, I guess you''re not ready'', all complete emotional ramblings.

I swear its so different for guys, I understand the gravitiy of this moment, because its effecting me too but this runs really deep, she comes from a house full of women, 3 other sisters! This day has been planned for about 15 years (shes 22).

Any advice to help me out? lol I mean our anniversary is in 1 week, she wants to go to NYC for the day since we live close, There are a lot of ideal places to do a proposal but I really envisioned it on the beach during a late night walk and want to stick with that!

HALP!

I don''t think they are ''emotional ramblings'' to her. She is obviously really excited and the waiting is driving her nuts. I think if you love her you should just propose already. Catch her off guard by doing it at a normal place where she won''t be expecting it. She doesn''t seem to want the whole romantic thing. She just wants the proposal!

Put the poor girl out of her misery!
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,541
Honestly, I think you're better off doing it sooner rather than later. You can absolutely plan something special in NYC or near where you live! She'll love it no matter how you propose and it seems like she's just getting more unhappy the longer it takes. It may seem like us girls want the perfect story book proposal, but at the end of the day, we just want to be engaged to the guy we love! And we don't really understand why guys push it out again and again waiting for the "perfect" moment


Good luck and, whatever you choose, make sure to post pics of the ring
 

purrfectpear

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
4,079
How would you like to change your User ID from "thelastrealman" to "therecentrealschmuck" ?

Just askin'' because that''s where you''re headed. You are causing your GF pain and anxiety over your desire to "control" the when and where of the engagement. Weren''t you really engaged to her in your heart the day you picked up that ring? OK now, go give it to her and stop being a schmuck !!!
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
If you've got the ring and are ready to propose (ignoring the proposal *setting*), I'd do it sooner rather than later. My husband proposed to me the day after he received the ring, and I found that so romantic- he couldn't wait to give it to me.

Which day of next week is your anniversary? You might be able to give her the surprise proposal by doing it the night before, and then the two of you can enjoy your day in NYC without her constantly wondering, "is he going to do it now? NOW?," feeling disappointed toward the end of the night if you don't.

You say you'd like to do it at night on the beach. What about modifying that plan just a *bit* and proposing on a night time stroll around a lake, or any setting that means something to the two of you? Not corny, not 'expected.'
 

fieryred33143

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Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
First of all...huge, huge hugs. LOL I don''t know if you have stopped by our Ladies in Waiting (LIW) forum but believe me when I tell you, you aren''t the only guy going through this
.

Being an LIW is an exciting time but its also a confusing time. You have expressed that you want to get married to your guy (either passively agressive or direct) and now you''re just waiting. He tells you he wants to get married and you believe him. Then more time passes and you are left to your thoughts. What if he doesn''t want to get married? What if he''s just saying that to shut me up? And the more time you wait those thoughts turn into he doesn''t want to marry me and he was just shutting me up. You can say you love her till you''re blue in the face but once you''ve passed the excitement of the LIW stage and into the is this ever going to happen stage, those words are pretty much just that...words.

I tell you this so you can kind of understand her point of view (also this is general and not to include how everyone would feel).

You''ve obviously stated your position with her and she isn''t listening. It''s her emotions. It happens. Can you perhaps mention it to one of her sisters? Sometimes having a close friend/family member tell you to calm down and that it''ll happen makes you feel a little better. If not, would you consider proposing in your special place before the anniversary? I can tell you from experience and with 99.9% certainty that she is expecting this proposal on your anniversary and it''s going to be a huge let down if you don''t (not that its your fault, just be prepared for that).

I don''t know what else to say other than Mr. Fiery has felt your pain
 

jet2ks

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Messages
2,022
How about proposing to her soon and using the vacation/special location for an engagement dinner? You''ll have two special places and memories and your gf won''t kill you and get the ring when the will is read.
 

Italiahaircolor

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Joined
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Messages
5,184
Date: 4/6/2009 3:54:15 PM
Author: purrfectpear
How would you like to change your User ID from ''thelastrealman'' to ''therecentrealschmuck'' ?

Just askin'' because that''s where you''re headed. You are causing your GF pain and anxiety over your desire to ''control'' the when and where of the engagement. Weren''t you really engaged to her in your heart the day you picked up that ring? OK now, go give it to her and stop being a schmuck !!!
Hahah...ditto, ditto. I thought his name was odd too, considering the context of his post....
 

AmberGretchen

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Joined
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Messages
7,770
Ditto to the others. I think she appreciates that you want it to be special, but honestly, there is a ton of social stress and pressure on women to be engaged, and she is clearly frustrated by the wait.

I think you can make it special whenever and wherever you do it. Most women remember the sweet thought behind the proposal and the way it made them feel to be officially planning to spend the rest of their lives with the men they love more than they remember any specific detail.

You seem to have very strong feelings about how you want to do this, but I''d be curious to know why you feel it is so important to place these restrictions on it. Is it because you want it to be "extra special"? It will be special to her no matter what. Is it because you don''t want to "be like the other guys"? I guarantee you will think of ways to make it unique, and it will be no less special for her no matter what/where/how you do it.

You see where I''m going with the above arguments - I think that whatever is really important to you about this proposal you can find a way to make it happen, but still do it sooner.
 

Haven

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Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
First, congratuations on your upcoming engagement.

It sounds like you''re falling into the trap of ignoring her desires in pursuit of the "perfect" proposal. You know that your gf wants to be engaged soon. You''re ready to propose. You have the ring. Yet you''re holding out for a "special" time and place, despite the fact that this is causing some fights between the two of you.

Why wouldn''t you create a special moment in the near future? It''s obvious that your gf would rather have a proposal within the next few weeks than have to wait for the *perfect* moment when you''re on vacation in August.

This reminds me of a little tiff I had with my DH a few years ago. I booked reservations at one of his favorite restaurants for his birthday dinner, but when the day came he said "Honey, I really would just rather have a great burger at this local dive restaurant instead." For a minute I insisted that we *must* go to the fancy shmancy place, and he looked at me and said "Isn''t the point of taking someone out for a birthday dinner to make them happy and not you?" He was right. We went out for burgers.

If you want some at-home proposal ideas, we have a lot of creative minds here. What does she like? What things are important to you two, and to your history as a couple? We can help you come up with someone special, regardless of the place.
 

meresal

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Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
Do you take her to NYC very often? If not, and you don't propse while you're there, I can promise you that your anniversary will more than likely NOT end on a high note. You're right, if you wait until August, there will be more arguements, especially anytime you want to do something romantic, and don't follow with a ring.

In the end it's your decision. Eventhough I said a thousand times that I wished my FI had proposed earlier and literally begged at some points, he unknown to me, wanted to propose on our vacation to NYC and I am so glad he waited until we were there. Yes it did cause more arguing becuase he had to break a timeline or 2
... but, It was amazing, I love telling our story, and I wouldn't want it any other way. We love traveling, so it happening on one of our trips is what he knew I would have loved, I just couldn't see past my own short-term anxiety.

ETA: Do your arguements end in her her saying things like, "I'm sorry, I know you're going to propose, it's just so hard to wait" or things like "It better happen or I'm out the door!" (while unzipping her suitcase)? If it's the second then I would stop waiting for the perfect proposal and just do it, if it's the first, then I think you have plenty of time to plan something amazing. It doesn't necessarily have to be on the anniversary, but it also doesn't have to wait until August. You have over 15 weekends until then, and could plan something great right around where you live.
 

Bia

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Messages
6,181
Date: 4/6/2009 3:50:08 PM
Author: elrohwen
Honestly, I think you're better off doing it sooner rather than later. You can absolutely plan something special in NYC or near where you live! She'll love it no matter how you propose and it seems like she's just getting more unhappy the longer it takes. It may seem like us girls want the perfect story book proposal, but at the end of the day, we just want to be engaged to the guy we love! And we don't really understand why guys push it out again and again waiting for the 'perfect' moment


Good luck and, whatever you choose, make sure to post pics of the ring
Yes! Whhhyyyyyy do you do thissss to us?

The sooner the better. Make sure to keep it romantic and totally from your heart. Doesn't have to be fancy with all the bells and whistles. The ring will got you covered!


ETA: Congratulations by the way!!!
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Date: 4/6/2009 3:54:36 PM
Author: EBree
If you''ve got the ring and are ready to propose (ignoring the proposal *setting*), I''d do it sooner rather than later. My husband proposed to me the day after he received the ring, and I found that so romantic- he couldn''t wait to give it to me.

Which day of next week is your anniversary? You might be able to give her the surprise proposal by doing it the night before, and then the two of you can enjoy your day in NYC without her constantly wondering, ''is he going to do it now? NOW?,'' feeling disappointed toward the end of the night if you don''t.

You say you''d like to do it at night on the beach. What about modifying that plan just a *bit* and proposing on a night time stroll around a lake, or any setting that means something to the two of you? Not corny, not ''expected.''
Ditto. Minus the right the day after he got it (he waited a WHOLE WEEK!). I think that the most romantic proposals are the ones where HE JUST CAN''T WAIT ANY LONGER.

I think she''d be shocked if you did it the night before your anniversary. If you do it on your anniversary, she''ll be expecting it... TRUST ME on this one. Been there, done that.
 

gemgirl

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Messages
5,563
Date: 4/6/2009 3:49:10 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 4/6/2009 3:42:54 PM
Author:Thelastrealman
My gf works in jewelry. She sells engagement rings every day to happy couples, guys suprising their girls, everyday.

We''ve been going out almost 4 years, she is the girl for me and I have the ring of her dreams already (unknown to her) but no matter how many times I sit down and talk to her, it still creeps back.

For awhile I couldnt afford it, then I got it and I was waiting for the right time, when I felt comfortable and in a romantic setting.

We have our 4 year anniversary coming up, I KNOW shes praying for this to be the day. I personally think its corny. I would like to do it on our upcoming vacation in August but that is a long time and we''re bound to be in a few more fights.

I tell her its happening this year, I tell her I want it to be special and in a special place. I''ve told her I wont do it in an ordinary location, i.e around this area. I''ve even told her no holidays. She still comes back to me with the. ''at least I know what I want, I wont wait forever, I guess I have to wait for you, I guess you''re not ready'', all complete emotional ramblings.

I swear its so different for guys, I understand the gravitiy of this moment, because its effecting me too but this runs really deep, she comes from a house full of women, 3 other sisters! This day has been planned for about 15 years (shes 22).

Any advice to help me out? lol I mean our anniversary is in 1 week, she wants to go to NYC for the day since we live close, There are a lot of ideal places to do a proposal but I really envisioned it on the beach during a late night walk and want to stick with that!

HALP!

I don''t think they are ''emotional ramblings'' to her. She is obviously really excited and the waiting is driving her nuts. I think if you love her you should just propose already. Catch her off guard by doing it at a normal place where she won''t be expecting it. She doesn''t seem to want the whole romantic thing. She just wants the proposal!

Put the poor girl out of her misery!
I''m afraid I have to agree with the ladies. I think you should do it sooner rather than later and if I were you, I would do it at a perfectly normal place if the hooplah doesn''t matter to her. You said you already have the ring of her dreams right? Take the poor girl to Dunkin Donuts for coffee, dinner at a diner, heck take her to McDonald''s if that''s what she likes, but just do it. If you''re Christian, buy a colorful Easter egg that comes apart and put her ring inside!

As half of a couple who helps married couples deal with their hurts, disappointments and harbored resentments, and as a women who''s had her own tremendous disappointments to deal with, I can honestly tell you that her feeling bad about something for so long is not good for your relationship (if you truly want it to go forward) and it''s not healthy for her state of mind.

 

lucyandroger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 12, 2008
Messages
1,557
Date: 4/6/2009 4:00:42 PM
Author: Haven
First, congratuations on your upcoming engagement.

It sounds like you're falling into the trap of ignoring her desires in pursuit of the 'perfect' proposal. You know that your gf wants to be engaged soon. You're ready to propose. You have the ring. Yet you're holding out for a 'special' time and place, despite the fact that this is causing some fights between the two of you.

Why wouldn't you create a special moment in the near future? It's obvious that your gf would rather have a proposal within the next few weeks than have to wait for the *perfect* moment when you're on vacation in August.

This reminds me of a little tiff I had with my DH a few years ago. I booked reservations at one of his favorite restaurants for his birthday dinner, but when the day came he said 'Honey, I really would just rather have a great burger at this local dive restaurant instead.' For a minute I insisted that we *must* go to the fancy shmancy place, and he looked at me and said 'Isn't the point of taking someone out for a birthday dinner to make them happy and not you?' He was right. We went out for burgers.

If you want some at-home proposal ideas, we have a lot of creative minds here. What does she like? What things are important to you two, and to your history as a couple? We can help you come up with someone special, regardless of the place.

I think Haven hit the nail on the head with this birthday dinner example.

Isn't the reason you want the "perfect" proposal so that it's special for your GF? Well, it certainly isn't going to feel special to her if it's preceded by months of arguing, feelings of doubt about your committment and the relationship in general, resentment and frustration in general. Why risk it when you can propose soon and make this an exciting, happy time for you both?

She's just excited to be engaged to the man she loves - YOU. Give the girl a break!


ETA - I just saw this quote from your thread in RT:

"Heres a little tail if you dont mind reading... my GF of 4 years has been in jewelry for awhile. Her goal in life is to be engaged to me and when I mean goal I mean reason for being on this planet, crying all day she doesnt have a ring, knows what she wants in life and thinks I don't want to.... Anyway lol.."


I'm beginning to think that you just like the control of holding the proposal over her head.
I sincerely doubt that her goal in life is to be engaged to you and if you hold out too long, she may just leave and show you all her other life goals. Just stop with the mind games...
 

Po10472

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2007
Messages
1,443
I am one of the few wummin on PS who actually proposed. I couldn''t wait any longer, I knew what I wanted and so I made the decision to propose to my DH because I wanted our life together and future plans to start immediately and I planned it all out in a fortnight. It was the best thing I ever did because it was something I really wanted badly......and I beat him to it as he was planning to ask me 2 months later so it worked out perfectly.

You may think it sounds ''corny'' but your girlfriend loves you and wants to be with you so bad it hurts and for the sake of your ideal proposal you''re causing her pain and emotional anguish and you can put a stop to this and start planning your future together.

If it were me, this is what I would do...................go to NYC for 2 nights, book a really gorgeous hotel and order breakfast in bed the morning of your anniversary. Plan to have her go for a nice relaxing bath that you''ve prepared for her and once she''s in the bathroom scatter rose petals on the bed and phone room service and have them bring up a luxurious tray with red roses, warm croissants, chocolate, strawberries and champagne and have them place the ring box on the tray (this has all be pre-arranged of course).

Then propose to her when she''s had a nice nights sleep and all squeeky clean and looking forward to the day ahead and your anniversary. Once all the smoochies are over and you''ve finsihed phoning your loved ones with the good news, give her some wedding magazines you''ve hidden for her to flip through whilst you''re getting ready.

Then go spend a nice romantic day in NYC then go out for cocktails and dinner. Your new FI will be bursting at the seems with joy and excitement and want to show everyone her beautiful ring and she''ll be able to once you''re home from your short trip whereas if you wait til you''re on holiday in August she''ll have to wait ages until she gets home to tell everyone.

Does that sound corny to you?
 

Steel

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Joined
Jul 8, 2006
Messages
4,884
Date: 4/6/2009 4:15:52 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 4/6/2009 4:00:42 PM
Author: Haven
First, congratuations on your upcoming engagement.

It sounds like you''re falling into the trap of ignoring her desires in pursuit of the ''perfect'' proposal. You know that your gf wants to be engaged soon. You''re ready to propose. You have the ring. Yet you''re holding out for a ''special'' time and place, despite the fact that this is causing some fights between the two of you.

Why wouldn''t you create a special moment in the near future? It''s obvious that your gf would rather have a proposal within the next few weeks than have to wait for the *perfect* moment when you''re on vacation in August.

This reminds me of a little tiff I had with my DH a few years ago. I booked reservations at one of his favorite restaurants for his birthday dinner, but when the day came he said ''Honey, I really would just rather have a great burger at this local dive restaurant instead.'' For a minute I insisted that we *must* go to the fancy shmancy place, and he looked at me and said ''Isn''t the point of taking someone out for a birthday dinner to make them happy and not you?'' He was right. We went out for burgers.

If you want some at-home proposal ideas, we have a lot of creative minds here. What does she like? What things are important to you two, and to your history as a couple? We can help you come up with someone special, regardless of the place.

I think Haven hit the nail on the head with this birthday dinner example.

Isn''t the reason you want the ''perfect'' proposal so that it''s special for your GF? Well, it certainly isn''t going to feel special to her if it''s preceded by months of arguing, feelings of doubt about your committment and the relationship in general, resentment and frustration in general. Why risk it when you can propose soon and make this an exciting, happy time for you both?

She''s just excited to be engaged to the man she loves - YOU. Give the girl a break!


ETA - I just saw this quote from your thread in RT:*

''Heres a little tail if you dont mind reading... my GF of 4 years has been in jewelry for awhile. Her goal in life is to be engaged to me and when I mean goal I mean reason for being on this planet, crying all day she doesnt have a ring, knows what she wants in life and thinks I don''t want to.... Anyway lol..''


I''m beginning to think that you just like the control of holding the proposal over her head.
I sincerely doubt that her goal in life is to be engaged to you and if you hold out too long, she may just leave and show you all her other life goals. Just stop with the mind games...
* = https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/zales-celebration-diamond-thoughts-on-my-deal-situation.111814/

This guy certainly rubbed me the wrong way.....
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
You''ve gotten a lot of great advice already (fiery''s post in particular really resonated with me), so I don''t need to beat a dead horse sounding my agreement.

I just wanted to say... my husband knew just how he wanted to propose for more than a year before getting the ring. It wasn''t over-the-top or anything, but he wanted it to be on a specific day (of the week, not the year), after doing specific things, in a specific place... but he threw it all out 3 days after getting the ring (and only 3 days before the planned day) because he simply could not wait any longer. He proposed to me at a completely random moment (first thing in the morning), with no buildup (I was still sleeping only 30 seconds before), and nowhere near his planned ''special location'' (I was laying in bed).

... and I''m [/i]so[/i] glad he did. With no bells or whistles, half-asleep with sheet marks on my face and my hair mussed, morning breath I''m sure... that was still a more romantic proposal than I''d ever dreamed of.
Because it was him following his emotions, not his plans.
 

princesss

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Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
I truly hope you''re not this patronizing and condescending to your GF. You may think it''s nuts, but she loves you and wants to marry you.

Just freaking propose already. Seriously. She loves you. You have the ring. You seem to be putting it off for no other reason than doing it exactly how you want to. Prolonging this stress is not nice. Do you enjoy watching her cry? Do you laugh to yourself thinking, "Hahahah, I''ve got the upper hand, she doesn''t know what I''m planning?" Do you like the long talks about "where we''re headed" and having to console her? Do you like that she probably vents to her friends and feels like maybe, possibly, you don''t love her like she loves you? Do you like that she may be slowly steeling herself to leave if you don''t propose? Because all you''re doing by delaying proposing is prolonging all of these things.
 

Bia

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Messages
6,181
Date: 4/6/2009 4:15:52 PM
Author: lucyandroger

ETA - I just saw this quote from your thread in RT:

'Heres a little tail if you dont mind reading... my GF of 4 years has been in jewelry for awhile. Her goal in life is to be engaged to me and when I mean goal I mean reason for being on this planet, crying all day she doesnt have a ring, knows what she wants in life and thinks I don't want to.... Anyway lol..'

I'm beginning to think that you just like the control of holding the proposal over her head.
I sincerely doubt that her goal in life is to be engaged to you and if you hold out too long, she may just leave and show you all her other life goals. Just stop with the mind games...
Hmmm. If this is true, then I will ditto lucyandroger and say "BAD Thelastrealman! Bad, bad, bad!"

BUT I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say it's probably not that you LIKE the control of holding it over her head (at least not in a malicious, relish-the-suspense kind of way) but maybe you just want her to be so: surprised, amazed, impressed, ecstatic, or all of those things.

Listen to these smart, and insightful PSers (many of them, including me, have been there). DO do it however you have planned because it's your proposal. Just don't make her wait forever so you can have the perfect proposal. My man waited for what felt like an eternity, and towards the end I was ready to pack my bags. Kind of. I was daydreaming about it anyway.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
Okay so. You are rubbing me the wrong way too.

Are you sure you want to marry a woman who you are torturing and manipulating and demeaning (in this post and your other, thank you Steel)? Seriously. LOVE and MARRIAGE are built on the foundations of love and respect and friendship, and trust. Are you being a good friend and a trustworthy and respectful partner? Or a shumck as PP said. This isn't a game. It's life. Grow up or get out of the relationship so she can fine the REAL 'lastrealman'. You aren't doing her a 'favor' by proposing to her. You are doing yourself a favor and making sure that she stays in your life and is your partner throughout it, through thick and thin. REAL thick and thin. Not this unnecessary drama and angst you are causing.

I'm thinking you are lucky she doesn't post here. Cause I woulda told her to leave you already. Sheesh.
 

Diamond*Dana

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Premium
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Jul 21, 2006
Messages
7,240
I have to agree with what has already been said...I think you should go ahead and propose already. You have been together 4 years...my DH and I dated for just under 5 years when he proposed so I can understand what your GF is going through.

I understand that you want to make the proposal memorable and special, but really anything that you do is going to be wonderful.

Save yourself the possibility of more fights and propose.
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
Wow.
I gave you the benfit of the doubt and tried to be on your side, but no longer.

I'm not really sure how you managed the entire OP in this thread without making a single comment like the ones you made in RT. If she actually wants to marry you, then I suggest giving her the ring already, especially before she finds these posts. Seriously, "Crying all day... lol" Who says that?!?
 

Kelli

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Messages
5,455
I don''t know you and don''t want to judge you, but the VERY first thing I thought of when I read your post(s) is that you are enjoying the control you seem to have over your gf, and you REALLY do sound horribly condescending and patronizing. Not to mention cocky and arrogant. Sorry. But that''s how I read it and I don''t think I''m alone here. MAYBE it was just a few bad choices of words on your part and you really are just waiting for the perfect moment. But how can you say you love this girl if you''re fully aware that she''s questioning your relationship with every additional day that passes and yet you still won''t give her the ring you already have? It sounds as if the time has already come that she''s going to get bitter about the whole thing, and no matter HOW you do it, she''ll feel like it was forced and she had to beg. Having to beg someone you love to do something like this already takes some of the meaning out of it. Stop torturing this girl, and be the "real man" you seem to think you are. There will come a day when she really will leave. If you''re trying to see just how far you can push her til she does, then yes, you really are a schmuck. If I''ve misjudged you based on your choice of words, then I''m sorry, but still, please stop tormenting her with this and give it to her already!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
4 months is agony to a lady in waiting. Think of it in terms of dog years.. every day in wait FEELS like weeks to a LIW. So what may only be 4 more months... is really more like 28. Don''t do that to someone you love.

Honestly, if you really want to do it on a beach.. write an email to a friend (who is in on it... and won''t say anything..) and forget to close out it so your GF will find it email saying... "I think I have a ring picked out already. The only thing is.. I am planning the proposal and want it to be perfect... I was thinking a romantic sunset proposal, but I just cannot think of the perfect place...." Yes sure it is a little backhanded and sneaky--but at least she knows you are planning it, without giving too much away.
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,099
I could talk about expectations, and how they will continue to impact your life, from marriage on, but I''ll leave that problem to you . . .



Why are you so determined to have it YOUR way? Especially when you know she''s chomping at the bit. And you already have the ring.

Go to NYC. Locate a very romantic spot. Be a gentleman, and make her feel special.

She wants to ''plan'' the event, to some extent, because she wants to be ready, including looking her very best, when you ask. She wants a little siss-boom-bah, a little excitement, a picture perfect moment.

I can''t see any reason not to give her what she desires in a proposal; you already bought her ideal ring. Go the extra mile, and make it her dream proposal.

You can always redo ''the moment'' on a vacation beach later. You can give her a little something, maybe, to make that moment special for both of you. It doesn''t have to be jewelry, or even expensive. Make that a memorable experience, too. Have your cake, and eat it too.
 

phoenixgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2003
Messages
3,369
I like to apply the "To whom is this more important?" test when deciding if I can/should compromise with DH on something. That's why we live in the city (more important to him). That's why we had a band that played good dancing music at our wedding (more important to me). My dad told me that the key to a successful relationship is to understand when something is really, truly important to the other person, and then honoring that. Because when you get married, you're a team, and part of being a team is going to bat for the other person when his/her wishes trump yours.

So to whom is this more important?

Your girlfriend?
* "I KNOW shes praying for this to be the day."
* "She still comes back to me with the. "at least I know what I want"
* "but this runs really deep, she comes from a house full of women, 3 other sisters! This day has been planned for about 15 years (shes 22)."

Or you?
* "I personally think its corny."
* "I swear its so different for guys, I understand the gravitiy of this moment, because its effecting me too but . . ."

22 is pretty young; I'm assuming you're around that age or not too much older. Your wishes and her wishes aside, I hope you'll both make a decision to get married when you are ready and able to take care of yourselves and be responsible adults. If you're anything less than excited to give her what she wants--if you're, say, hung up on doing it "your" way even though it's clearly less important to you and therefore probably about control/stubbornness--then my hunch is that you're not ready. Or if you're really not ready, but proposing because of the "fights" and ultimatums, that's no offer that should be taken seriously.

Love is about giving, not dictating. Love is about the excitement and enjoyment of the other person, not yourself. Love is about taking your husband out for burgers on his birthday when you'd have enjoyed a fancy meal yourself a lot more.
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Just propose already. That''s all there is to it. She loves you to pieces and wants to marry you, why wait on making her extremely happy? I love all the NYC ideas above.
 

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
6,186
If you want to do it on a beach, just imagine how much she wants to do it in New York. Who is this custom intended to surprise on that day, you or her? It's an open book test. The answer is her.

There are plenty of romantic places in New York. At the top of the Empire State building. That would be a dramatic location. Stop worrying about it so much. Just do it.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,039
DH waited over 4 years to propose. The wait was HORRIBLE. Lots of tears (from my part). Can''t explain why those four little words are so important but they are. Do it tomorrow. THAT is what will be meaningful not dragging it out.
 
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