GF going nuts over engagement

[bee*]

Date: 4/11/2009 2:35:30 AM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 4/11/2009 2:03:44 AM

Author: honey22

I am going to go against the crowd here!

The thing is that for Honey, she was happy to wait around 10 years for her fiance to propose!

That would absolutely have never worked for me in a million years.


Everybody is very different... I do think that if a guy is happy to have a girl in tears for years, it is a sign that either he is pulling her chain, or is in fact a very selfish and immature individual.


The very ordinary guys I was with before meeting my husband may well have taken so long to propose, but it didn''t mean for a minute that they were right for me.

Or maybe he was just growing up? I met D when I was 17 and we''re getting married in June when we''re ten years together. D wasn''t pulling my chain or being selfish/immature-we were both in college, starting up our careers and trying to get a bit of money together for our future. I think that both people have to be ready for marriage, not just the girl.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/11/2009 3:17:39 AM
Author: bee*
Or maybe he was just growing up? I met D when I was 17 and we''re getting married in June when we''re ten years together. D wasn''t pulling my chain or being selfish/immature-we were both in college, starting up our careers and trying to get a bit of money together for our future. I think that both people have to be ready for marriage, not just the girl.

You know, another element of this ''topic'' that we don''t tend to discuss much on this forum is that marriage is not always the right choice for couples.

Young people tend to want to experience ''love'' in all its fullness... but their social conditioning might mean that they don''t really want to embrace *the full deal*. So they talk about marriage ''down the track'' as a way of remaining socially acceptable while they participate.

I think a lot of girls justify their romantic entanglements by announcing to themselves and others that they want to marry their boyfriends, when really, they haven''t worked it through or really taken full responsibility for the choices they are making.

The boyfriend is left in the role of having to ''make the call'', and realises that the relationship is based on fleeting ''togetherness'' and that marriage is just a pipe - dream.

However, I do think that if the girl is confused by her values to the point where she is pining for marriage with an unsuitable partner, that issue should in itself be addressed, not avoided.

If a girl is willing to participate in ongoing intimacy with no real future on the cards, or a possible ''maybe'' with a boyman, that is probably seen as culturally ''normal'', a part of growing up. Modern contraception has opened up a lot of choices for the focused and self-contained!

I spent many years with unsuitable men, justifying my participation by ''assuming'' marriage was the correct course, when in fact it would have been much better for my development in every way if I had just remained celibate.

An argument I will have great difficulty conveying to my little girl, no doubt!