GF going nuts over engagement

[Imdanny]

Date: 4/7/2009 1:00:26 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I''m tired of the build up, you women got me all uppity and nuts over this.

Sounds kind of sexist to me. I hope she does read this thread. If you''re a troll, I hope you get help.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/8/2009 5:11:23 AM
Author: Imdanny

Date: 4/7/2009 1:00:26 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I''m tired of the build up, you women got me all uppity and nuts over this.

Sounds kind of sexist to me. I hope she does read this thread. If you''re a troll, I hope you get help.

Guys, guys, guys, let the poor man be. I''m reading a lot of good is in this person. I think he''s trying to be a good provider (trying to keep the emotional keel balanced for both of them) (I''m married to a guy like this) and he''s not perfect but he''s trying. I don''t think he means to come off as harsh. This is an emotional time. Go easy.

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 4/8/2009 4:53:00 AM
Author: Imdanny


Well, you''d better have it on when you say things like, ''''IN a house full of girls, I''ve learned pettines and jealousy run RAMPANT. She''s very mature and very immature in some ways.''

It''s not very mature not to keep thoughts like that to yourself when you''re posting on a forum full of women. Why even say it?

You shouldn''t criticize your girlfriend/ fiancee/ or wife in public, ever, even if it is on an internet forum. It doesn''t show loyalty or judgment, and while I was of the opinion that you were being given too much of a hard time, I''m now of the opinion that you should look at some of the things that you say, and how saying them appears to others.

If this is a real post, and if you truly want to get married, just do it, stop making it about you, and stop criticizing your girlfriend and her family to strangers for no good reason.

I disagree with the highlighted comments because it''s a HUGE double standard to say that on this board. If women can come and vent about their BF/ Fiance / Husband, why can''t a man about his GF / Fiancee / Wife? We might not like what he is saying or how he feels, but it''s his right to feel that way... just as it is all of our rights to feel the way we do. I think he''s pretty brave to be so honest talking about how crazy women get with the whole engagement thing. Because truth be known, some women really do freak out and get crazy. I''m a woman and I can see that (though I personally never acted that way), why is it so wrong to say so? Sure he could massage his words a bit to make them a little less offensive to some, but he''s just a guy and most likely doesn''t think like us anyway.

I don''t think he''s a troll and I don''t think he''s immature. I do think he''s being a bit stubborn for something that supposedly doesn''t matter to him much. I also think he should sit his GF down and explain to her how he is feeling about all of this and the timeline he sees for the proposal etc. That way she can calm down and not think every-single-little-thing is leading to being engaged, constantly building herself up only to be disappointed... again. A bit of communication can go a long way in situations like this. In doing so, they both will be able to relax and enjoy eachother instead of all this discord.

 

[Thelastrealman]

girlie-girl and julia get it, not sure why the rest of you dont. I LOVE how people can be so stupid and call me a troll like any guy would waste his time doing this. I have a life!

I''m proposing next week, beach is out of the question after talking with my gf. Life will be easier after its said and done. Happy girl = happy boy.

 

[girlie-girl]

Date: 4/8/2009 9:36:41 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
girlie-girl and julia get it, not sure why the rest of you dont. I LOVE how people can be so stupid and call me a troll like any guy would waste his time doing this. I have a life!

I''m proposing next week, beach is out of the question after talking with my gf. Life will be easier after its said and done. Happy girl = happy boy.

Even though I can see your side of things as well as hers, I wouldn''t suggest calling people stupid. Doing so makes you no better than those who are calling you names.

Good luck next week. I hope she loves the ring you picked out for her.

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/7/2009 7:13:21 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
2. I''m sure you DO want to get engaged. You''re probably young. You probably could be more mature... But it sounds like you love your GF. Though if she read some things you wrote on here she''d probably bit PISSED (ie: she''s petty). Only YOU know if you''re really ready to be committed for the rest of your life. I think you wanting to wait until the summer doesn''t necessarily mean you''re unprepared for the commitment. Perhaps you just envisioned it another way... (But you wanna know what''s REALLY romantic?? When a guy gets a ring, has a in-the-future proposal planned, but is soooo excited to be engaged to his woman that he just messes the whole thing up and proposes to her the same day while she''s in her pajamas and hasn''t showered or put contacts in. THATS romantic.)

Last real man. I don''t know if Psmom was being sarcastic when she posted this or not... but WORD TO THE WISE --DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know a couple of guys who proposed this way after having an incredibly romantic opportunity. I''m not going to go on and on... but it backfired... big time. Whatever you plan, plan something romantic. It would crush your GF to find out you''ve had the ring hidden away, and you just popped the question while she was all groddy. Think about your GF. What does she want? I''m sure she wants something special, thoughtful and planned. Some girls want intimate, others public... but what we ALL WANT is to know that our man was heartfelt, and that he put as much thought into the proposal, as we''ve put into all the daydreams of HOW HE WOULD DO IT.

Best wishes.

 

[justjulia]

Ok, simmer simmer. Noone is stupid and noone wishes anyone any ill will. Emotions ride high during big decisions like this and it''s normal to get all up and bothered by it all.

Bottom line is that you guys are on the same page. I love that you talked with her and beach is out. Next week is going to be SO awesome!

I''ve been married some 24 years and my advice is that this isn''t the first time you will be wondering what the heck do I do now. And, without emotion and drama, what would life be? Vanilla, and who wants vanilla?

Like I was saying, I''m old and been through my share of drama. All this will make for a great story for your kids someday. Remember to keep it all in perspective and no matter what, remember not to take yourselves too seriously.

You are going to be deep fried here for using the word "stupiid" (you might even consider an apology to folks in general in your next response...I know, I know...swallow that pride.) Everyone here means well and really internet wording doesn''t do justice to who we really are, does it?

Anywho.....you absolutely MUST post a picture of this ring on her hand next week or shortly after. Understand?

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/8/2009 10:06:55 AM
Author: tlh

Date: 4/7/2009 7:13:21 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
2. I'm sure you DO want to get engaged. You're probably young. You probably could be more mature... But it sounds like you love your GF. Though if she read some things you wrote on here she'd probably bit PISSED (ie: she's petty). Only YOU know if you're really ready to be committed for the rest of your life. I think you wanting to wait until the summer doesn't necessarily mean you're unprepared for the commitment. Perhaps you just envisioned it another way... (But you wanna know what's REALLY romantic?? When a guy gets a ring, has a in-the-future proposal planned, but is soooo excited to be engaged to his woman that he just messes the whole thing up and proposes to her the same day while she's in her pajamas and hasn't showered or put contacts in. THATS romantic.)

Last real man. I don't know if Psmom was being sarcastic when she posted this or not... but WORD TO THE WISE --DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know a couple of guys who proposed this way after having an incredibly romantic opportunity. I'm not going to go on and on... but it backfired... big time. Whatever you plan, plan something romantic. It would crush your GF to find out you've had the ring hidden away, and you just popped the question while she was all groddy. Think about your GF. What does she want? I'm sure she wants something special, thoughtful and planned. Some girls want intimate, others public... but what we ALL WANT is to know that our man was heartfelt, and that he put as much thought into the proposal, as we've put into all the daydreams of HOW HE WOULD DO IT.

Best wishes.

I respectfully disagree (love you TLH!!!)

My FI purchased the ring in early June. His plan was to propose in the Keys during our Labor Day trip. He had this whole beach proposal planned out. When July *31st (I forgot July has 31 days LOL) arrived and he realized he had over a month more to wait, he couldn't. He got all dressed up that evening (around 11:30) and while I was asleep he came in and proposed. He couldn't wait anymore. I had spent my LIW time worried that after all these years he didn't want to propose to me. And then when he purchased the ring and sat on it, it just made me feel that much worse. That evening when he proposed, his excitement to do so really came through and I love that he was more excited about asking me to be his wife than he was to follow through with his "romantic" proposal.

To each their own though. I know that my hair was a hot mess that night, my PJs didn't match, and I will neither confirm nor deny that there was slight drooling.

LOL

 

[Thelastrealman]

^ yeah I''ll post a pic for sure.

Fine, substitute stupid with "Slow to learn or understand". I just dont see why I should act any nicer around people who choose to judge me, comb through my posts looking for 1 line they dont like and then blow it up so 10 other people get on this bandwagon and begin to miss the point. Either read all the posts or dont read at all is my stand.

I also wont be on this board much longer after the proposal. I dont mind what people say but there are some seriously annoying, aging hipsters who need to be put in their place. I''m not sure where everyone is from but I was born and raised in NY, we tell it like it is.

 

[CNOS128]

Edited to remove my own post!

 

[princesss]

nevermind

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/8/2009 10:22:39 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
^ yeah I''ll post a pic for sure.

Fine, substitute stupid with ''Slow to learn or understand''. I just dont see why I should act any nicer around people who choose to judge me, comb through my posts looking for 1 line they dont like and then blow it up so 10 other people get on this bandwagon and begin to miss the point. Either read all the posts or dont read at all is my stand.

I also wont be on this board much longer after the proposal. I dont mind what people say but there are some seriously annoying, aging hipsters who need to be put in their place. I''m not sure where everyone is from but I was born and raised in NY, we tell it like it is.

Alright, now, I think I''m an aging hipster! ha ha (Uh, what is a hipster?) I''m aging, that''s for sure!

Folks here aren''t slow by any stretch. They are going through this vicariously with you. Remember, many have walked the walk and been through the whole proposal thing.

So, maybe everyone isn''t agreeing with the vehicle for your means ends. The thing is WHO CARES? You must try to be a little humble, even if you eat a little crow here and there. You got your feelings hurt, I know that. Not the end of the world. You just need to learn to walk away and ignore some things. This holds true for the future when, for example, there''s a blizzard outside, you have a newborn baby who won''t stop crying, your wife has strep throat, and you can''t find the batteries for the flashlight. That''s when you walk outside and breathe.

Red wine''s good, too.

I can''t wait to hear the details of the NY trip.

 

[purrfectpear]

Awww, baby boy wants to take his marbles and go home. Buh bye

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 4/8/2009 11:29:53 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Awww, baby boy wants to take his marbles and go home. Buh bye

You almost made me spit out my coffee.

In any event people arn''t stupid or slow to learn because they thought you were a troll. That''s being really arrogant on your part.
I can definitey see where the ladies are coming from when they say you rub them the wrong way, your posts on both forums rubbed me the wrong way.
But Just because you type that to us doesn''t mean you act like that to her. Understand tho that when you made the comment about her planning this for 15 years (I think you mentioned it in this thread) that almost every woman has been planning this since they were little. When boys were playing wth GI Joes and insects girls were playing house and marrying there barbie and ken dolls. Get used to it! Also the proposal isn''t just about you or her.. it''s about you BOTH, if this is really bothering her and your ready to make the leap just do it!

Think about your responses here, you might think its no big deal so your willing to just do it whenever but it;s a HUGE deal to her... think about her feeling too.

and good luck with whatever you do!

 

[Tuckins1]

Date: 4/8/2009 9:36:41 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
girlie-girl and julia get it, not sure why the rest of you dont. I LOVE how people can be so stupid and call me a troll like any guy would waste his time doing this. I have a life!


I'm proposing next week, beach is out of the question after talking with my gf. Life will be easier after its said and done. Happy girl = happy boy.

Good for you darlin. I hope your proposal goes well!! Please let us know how everything turns out, and,..... Bring back some pics of the ring!!!!!

ETA- some of the comments on this thread make me feel very uncomfortable, and actually ashamed to be a part of this community. Some other shave said how catty and snotty some people are on other boards and how glad they were that nothing like that ever happens here on PS..... I'm not so sure....

 

[Abril]

Date: 4/8/2009 7:34:26 PM
Author: Tuckins1

Date: 4/8/2009 9:36:41 AM

Author: Thelastrealman

girlie-girl and julia get it, not sure why the rest of you dont. I LOVE how people can be so stupid and call me a troll like any guy would waste his time doing this. I have a life!




I''m proposing next week, beach is out of the question after talking with my gf. Life will be easier after its said and done. Happy girl = happy boy.

Good for you darlin. I hope your proposal goes well!! Please let us know how everything turns out, and,..... Bring back some pics of the ring!!!!!


ETA- some of the comments on this thread make me feel very uncomfortable, and actually ashamed to be a part of this community. Some other shave said how catty and snotty some people are on other boards and how glad they were that nothing like that ever happens here on PS..... I''m not so sure....

Agree. Pricescope as a forum is average in terms of poster courtesy vs. snideness. PS isn''t Lake Wobegon where "all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average." The founder of PS may have had lofty ideals for this being a supportive and positive place and all, but good ol'' regression to the mean and human nature are prevailing.

 

[jjjul]

It seems like you are trying to take complete control over the engagement. You know what you want and you know what she wants... Marriage is about comprimise so why don''t you find a happy medium so you both are happy with the engagement.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Date: 4/8/2009 7:34:26 PM
Author: Tuckins1

Date: 4/8/2009 9:36:41 AM

Author: Thelastrealman

girlie-girl and julia get it, not sure why the rest of you dont. I LOVE how people can be so stupid and call me a troll like any guy would waste his time doing this. I have a life!




I''m proposing next week, beach is out of the question after talking with my gf. Life will be easier after its said and done. Happy girl = happy boy.

Good for you darlin. I hope your proposal goes well!! Please let us know how everything turns out, and,..... Bring back some pics of the ring!!!!!


ETA- some of the comments on this thread make me feel very uncomfortable, and actually ashamed to be a part of this community. Some other shave said how catty and snotty some people are on other boards and how glad they were that nothing like that ever happens here on PS..... I''m not so sure....

Ditto to all of this. I also can''t wait to see pics and I''ve also felt pretty uncomfortable reading some of these posts.

Good luck with your proposal!!!

 

[LostSapphire]

TLRM:

I continue to hope the best for you and your sweetie. Enjoy this process: don''t overthink it. It is obvious (to me anyways) that you love this girl to bits but are struggling with your own self-imposed sense of perfect moments, plus, the pressure from family/friends, PLUS her sense of expectation.

And, not all of us are perfectly articulate, and sometimes things come out sounding not-as-they-were-intended.

Have a wonderful proposal. It will be magical for the 2 of you. An come back to finish the story with hand pics!

LS

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''m sorry this thread descended into snarkiness that was hurtful to you. I actually do think that on average, PS seems to be nicer than the average forum, though recently there seems to be a bit more snarkiness than there used to.

I also think that the happy girl = happy boy lesson is a very important one for your future, so I think that''s very sound reasoning and will serve both you and your future wife very well.

Best of luck with your proposal and congratulations in advance

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Good luck with your proposal and we''d seriously love to see pictures!

 

[NuggetBrain]

I'm very glad you decided to step up the proposal. My now fiance had the ring in Feb of 2008 (I wasn't supposed to know, but the receptionist at his work is our friend and called me as SOON as it came into his office). He was also a "wait until the perfect moment" guy - he was going to do it on my birthday in Vegas but didn't because he thought I was expecting it. He finally proposed on December 22nd of 2008. However, my grandfather (who was my father figure, very important to me) passed away on December 6th after a month long illness. I BEGGED him to propose while my grandpa was sick because I wanted him to see the ring - it was very important to my grandpa and was all he talked about for the last year of his life. He really wanted to know I was going to be taken care of (for lack of a better term) after he passed. FI dragged his feet, got mad that I wanted to "ruin" the proposal by not letting him do his big special one. I'm glad he proposed, obviously, and happy to be marrying him, but there is a part of me that will never forgive him for insisting the proposal be on his terms, and making my grandpa miss out on the most important thing to him. You never know what's going to happen and if you keep waiting on the perfect moment, it could never come.

No matter when or how you do it, she'll just be happy it happened.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 4/9/2009 10:44:47 AM
Author: NuggetBrain
I''m very glad you decided to step up the proposal. My now fiance had the ring in Feb of 2008 (I wasn''t supposed to know, but the receptionist at his work is our friend and called me as SOON as it came into his office). He was also a ''wait until the perfect moment'' guy - he was going to do it on my birthday in Vegas but didn''t because he thought I was expecting it. He finally proposed on December 22nd of 2008. However, my grandfather (who was my father figure, very important to me) passed away on December 6th after a month long illness. I BEGGED him to propose while my grandpa was sick because I wanted him to see the ring - it was very important to my grandpa and was all he talked about for the last year of his life. He really wanted to know I was going to be taken care of (for lack of a better term) after he passed. FI dragged his feet, got mad that I wanted to ''ruin'' the proposal by not letting him do his big special one. I''m glad he proposed, obviously, and happy to be marrying him, but there is a part of me that will never forgive him for insisting the proposal be on his terms, and making my grandpa miss out on the most important thing to him. You never know what''s going to happen and if you keep waiting on the perfect moment, it could never come.

No matter when or how you do it, she''ll just be happy it happened.

this is off topic, but reading this nearly brought me to tears. My grandpa and I were so close and he was taken from me suddenly and had I been in your shoes I think I would have broken down entirely.
Your stronger then me.

My biggest fear, is that my father won''t be there to walk me down the aisle, and I know my SO thinks that it is a silly worry, but my dad has very high blood pressure and has had a few scares over the past few years, so it is a very real worry. I don''t know if I would be able to ever forgive him if something happened and he dragged it out.

 

[AprilBaby]

Date: 4/8/2009 10:22:39 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
^ yeah I''ll post a pic for sure.


Fine, substitute stupid with ''Slow to learn or understand''. I just dont see why I should act any nicer around people who choose to judge me, comb through my posts looking for 1 line they dont like and then blow it up so 10 other people get on this bandwagon and begin to miss the point. Either read all the posts or dont read at all is my stand.


I also wont be on this board much longer after the proposal. I dont mind what people say but there are some seriously annoying, aging hipsters who need to be put in their place. I''m not sure where everyone is from but I was born and raised in NY, we tell it like it is.

You sound even more immature than you were 4 pages ago.

 

[honey22]

I am going to go against the crowd here! Sorry, but everything in life is about the woman - she gets to be the bride, she get''s to walz down the isle, she gets to give birth to your children, she gets to breastfeed - yada yada yada.

This is the only thing just about that is your''s to own. It''s your question to ask, so ask it when you are ready and in the way you want to do it!!! She will get over the fact that you made her wait if you are worth waiting for.

I would have been devastated to find out that my FI did it just to shut me up and to avoid a few fights waiting for the time he wanted to do it. It''s his question godammit, let him ask it the way he wants to!

 

[Imdanny]

Date: 4/8/2009 6:38:00 AM
Author: justjulia

Date: 4/8/2009 5:11:23 AM

Author: Imdanny

Date: 4/7/2009 1:00:26 PM

Author: Thelastrealman

I'm tired of the build up, you women got me all uppity and nuts over this.

Sounds kind of sexist to me. I hope she does read this thread. If you're a troll, I hope you get help.

Guys, guys, guys, let the poor man be. I'm reading a lot of good is in this person. I think he's trying to be a good provider (trying to keep the emotional keel balanced for both of them) (I'm married to a guy like this) and he's not perfect but he's trying. I don't think he means to come off as harsh. This is an emotional time. Go easy.

Really? You don't think that someone who publicly says that women GOT ME "uppity and nuts" is a healthy attitude toward woman and relationships? I don't. Just my opinion.

 

[Imdanny]

Date: 4/8/2009 11:29:53 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Awww, baby boy wants to take his marbles and go home. Buh bye

I don''t think, in my experience of posting boards, including this one, that people who create a controversy create them one out of thin air. The OP said what he said, and got the replies he got. That''s life. If someone posts about a personal matter, they get personal advice. If someone posts something that doesn''t make sense, they get told it doesn''t make sense. If anyone thinks they are being "supportive" by being unconditionally accepting of anything anyone posts anonymously on an internet forum, I beg to differ. So while I see that this comment is "snarky," I get the point of what''s being said.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 4/11/2009 2:03:44 AM
Author: honey22
I am going to go against the crowd here!

The thing is that for Honey, she was happy to wait around 10 years for her fiance to propose!
That would absolutely have never worked for me in a million years.

Everybody is very different... I do think that if a guy is happy to have a girl in tears for years, it is a sign that either he is pulling her chain, or is in fact a very selfish and immature individual.

The very ordinary guys I was with before meeting my husband may well have taken so long to propose, but it didn''t mean for a minute that they were right for me.

 

[musey]

Date: 4/8/2009 10:16:00 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 4/8/2009 10:06:55 AM
Author: tlh

Date: 4/7/2009 7:13:21 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
2. I'm sure you DO want to get engaged. You're probably young. You probably could be more mature... But it sounds like you love your GF. Though if she read some things you wrote on here she'd probably bit PISSED (ie: she's petty). Only YOU know if you're really ready to be committed for the rest of your life. I think you wanting to wait until the summer doesn't necessarily mean you're unprepared for the commitment. Perhaps you just envisioned it another way... (But you wanna know what's REALLY romantic?? When a guy gets a ring, has a in-the-future proposal planned, but is soooo excited to be engaged to his woman that he just messes the whole thing up and proposes to her the same day while she's in her pajamas and hasn't showered or put contacts in. THATS romantic.)

Last real man. I don't know if Psmom was being sarcastic when she posted this or not... but WORD TO THE WISE --DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know a couple of guys who proposed this way after having an incredibly romantic opportunity. I'm not going to go on and on... but it backfired... big time. Whatever you plan, plan something romantic. It would crush your GF to find out you've had the ring hidden away, and you just popped the question while she was all groddy. Think about your GF. What does she want? I'm sure she wants something special, thoughtful and planned. Some girls want intimate, others public... but what we ALL WANT is to know that our man was heartfelt, and that he put as much thought into the proposal, as we've put into all the daydreams of HOW HE WOULD DO IT.

Best wishes.

I respectfully disagree (love you TLH!!!)

My FI purchased the ring in early June. His plan was to propose in the Keys during our Labor Day trip. He had this whole beach proposal planned out. When July *31st (I forgot July has 31 days LOL) arrived and he realized he had over a month more to wait, he couldn't. He got all dressed up that evening (around 11:30) and while I was asleep he came in and proposed. He couldn't wait anymore. I had spent my LIW time worried that after all these years he didn't want to propose to me. And then when he purchased the ring and sat on it, it just made me feel that much worse. That evening when he proposed, his excitement to do so really came through and I love that he was more excited about asking me to be his wife than he was to follow through with his 'romantic' proposal.

To each their own though. I know that my hair was a hot mess that night, my PJs didn't match, and I will neither confirm nor deny that there was slight drooling.

LOL

Add me to that list

Fiery said it perfectly in that highlighted portion.

I wouldn't have had our proposal (which I posted about briefly back on page 1) any other way. For me his spontaneity and pure excitement was a lot more meaningful to me than a perfectly orchestrated follow-through.

But then, I generally value excitement and spontaneity over regiment and even 'effort,' I suppose, in relationships.

Everyone is different, and hopefully a guy should know exactly how his girl would like to be proposed to by the time he's ready to do such a thing

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/11/2009 2:03:44 AM
Author: honey22
I am going to go against the crowd here! Sorry, but everything in life is about the woman - she gets to be the bride, she get''s to walz down the isle, she gets to give birth to your children, she gets to breastfeed - yada yada yada.


This is the only thing just about that is your''s to own. It''s your question to ask, so ask it when you are ready and in the way you want to do it!!! She will get over the fact that you made her wait if you are worth waiting for.


I would have been devastated to find out that my FI did it just to shut me up and to avoid a few fights waiting for the time he wanted to do it. It''s his question godammit, let him ask it the way he wants to!

I was going to say the same thing. D and I picked the ring together and we had been dating 8 years at that stage. He said that he wanted to plan the proposal his way which I was fine to let him do and he asked me to give him 6 months. He proposed 3 months later and took me on a wonderful trip to Barcelona which is our favourite city. For me it was definitely worth waiting for and he was delighted with himself for planning it all. Could you possibly give your girlfriend a timeline and say that you will do it in the next few months and then do it on the holiday?