GF going nuts over engagement

[Thelastrealman]

Is letting her know I have the ring a good idea? Is there even a point to having a ring and holding on to it, that seems like the real torture.

I like a few ideas I''ve read so far, the movie one is nice. Still kicking around NYC ideas as well. Today I''m gonna sit her down and see if she has any ideas for what she wants to do but I know she''ll want me to take care of it all.


I sort of added fuel to the fire by asking her a few diamond questions over the phone while she was at work, she proceeded to call me like 10 times and ask me what I was doing, "are you looking at ringggssssssS?", "no, just online" "are you sureeeeee?"

I may have set a trap for myself now, its in her brain fresh. Damn I dont know what to do, if I dont give it to her next week I''m gonna have to forewarn her and let her know not to get hyped up. I feel like I''ve almost been defeated in my ideas for this summer and should just give it to her already.

 

[girlie-girl]

Your comments didn''t rub me the wrong way even though it sounded harsh, because I''m sure a lot of girls come across that way to their boyfriends once they reach the LIW stage. You were just brutally honest about it which I can accept.

I have an idea that goes along with you enjoying movie watching etc. Do you have a video camera? If so, you could make a small ''movie'' about your life so far with her. You could video photographs from some of your favorite memories and record a bit from you saying how she makes you feel, what you love about her etc. You could even propose to her on the video if you dared, timing the presentation of the ring accordingly. This would not only give you something super unique, but would provide a keepsake as well.

Good luck!

 

[fieryred33143]

I kind of feel like you need to get it out of your head that this is about a pretty diamond on her finger. It isn''t. As soon as you realize that, the easier this whole proposal process will be for you and the idea of how to propose will easily come to you as well.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/7/2009 8:38:52 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
Is letting her know I have the ring a good idea? Is there even a point to having a ring and holding on to it, that seems like the real torture.

I like a few ideas I''ve read so far, the movie one is nice. Still kicking around NYC ideas as well. Today I''m gonna sit her down and see if she has any ideas for what she wants to do but I know she''ll want me to take care of it all.


I sort of added fuel to the fire by asking her a few diamond questions over the phone while she was at work, she proceeded to call me like 10 times and ask me what I was doing, ''are you looking at ringggssssssS?'', ''no, just online'' ''are you sureeeeee?''

I may have set a trap for myself now, its in her brain fresh. Damn I dont know what to do, if I dont give it to her next week I''m gonna have to forewarn her and let her know not to get hyped up. I feel like I''ve almost been defeated in my ideas for this summer and should just give it to her already.

Ya know, I read this whole thread, and I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. I know a guy can want it perfect, I know most don''t understand how most women work, and I know the written word, and what we choose to type can change everything. And I was all ready to give you another proposal idea, hitting on something you said earlier.

But when I read the highlighted part, I got mad and wondered why you did that. Knowing all you do now, how much she''s wanting this and how much any mention of said engagement ring might send her off, you said that. You had to know what that would do, you''re not that stupid. And you did this knowing you might not propose in the next week, that you might wait. And imo, that, was just plain wrong.

 

[Thelastrealman]

I was making sure she wanted what I got her with a few indirect questions. She knows I''m shopping and saving so she thinks I''m just shopping. She gets turned on when I get very interested in it. Its not like the torture she gets from others, she enjoys talking about it, cause it will be hers and it is part of her livelyhood. She was happy to talk about it.

 

[tlh]

Letting her KNOW you have the ring and hten making her wait another 4 months IS WORSE!!!!!! than letting her know. If you are going to do it on the beach... fine... just don''t get her hopes up and get her thinking NYC by telling her you have the ring. Then every nice thing you do from now until August will HURT HER because she is EXPECTING A PROPOSAL.

Also if her mother is being cruel.. how about asking her father for permission and explaining to her parents that you plan to propose on your vacation in August.

I''d honestly be really sneaky about it... and leave hints.. just like she is leaving you hints that she is in agony... I''d like leave hints that you are shopping... and hints that you are thinking about the end of the summer. But be careful about the beach proposal... my girlfriend got one of those sunset beach proposals and was attacked by a swarm of mosquitos. The "perfect" moment was ruined as she had red spots all over her face neck arms and legs and looked like she had chicken pox in all their engagement photos... so... keep that in mind... sometimes a "perfect proposal" isn''t perfect... but did she care? NO! why!?! because she was FINALLY ENGAGED.

I honestly think you can find some really romantic spots in NYC and have a perfect proposal... without causing her any more agony. But if you are dead set on a beach proposal... then I''d be direct with her... and let her know that you are understand her AGONY and that (give some excuse as to why you aren''t proposing... when umm... you already have the ring) and are asking her TO WAIT.

best wishes.

 

[movie zombie]

haven''t followed all this thread but has the original poster told the future FI how important it is to him that he is able to surprise her and how important it is to him to pick a place and time that meet his criteria fior this very special event in their lives? that asking her to marry him is the most important thing he''s ever going to do and how important it is to him? i think he''s assured her it will be this year........if so, can he relay to her how very very important it is to him to be able to share the actual event in a way that is special for both of the them? sometimes i think we women get so wrapped up in our desire for a ring and to state to the world that we are engaged that we forget that the other 1/2 of the equation has emotions and feelings, too. again, i haven''t read each and every post in this thread but i think the poster needs to be upfront and honest with his girlfriend that yes she will be engaged this year but that it is such an important event in his life that he needs/wants to do more than just present a ring, he wants to make something special of the event for them both.

mz

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/7/2009 9:19:54 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/7/2009 8:38:52 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
Is letting her know I have the ring a good idea? Is there even a point to having a ring and holding on to it, that seems like the real torture.

I like a few ideas I''ve read so far, the movie one is nice. Still kicking around NYC ideas as well. Today I''m gonna sit her down and see if she has any ideas for what she wants to do but I know she''ll want me to take care of it all.


I sort of added fuel to the fire by asking her a few diamond questions over the phone while she was at work, she proceeded to call me like 10 times and ask me what I was doing, ''are you looking at ringggssssssS?'', ''no, just online'' ''are you sureeeeee?''

I may have set a trap for myself now, its in her brain fresh. Damn I dont know what to do, if I dont give it to her next week I''m gonna have to forewarn her and let her know not to get hyped up. I feel like I''ve almost been defeated in my ideas for this summer and should just give it to her already.

Ya know, I read this whole thread, and I was giving you the benefit of the doubt. I know a guy can want it perfect, I know most don''t understand how most women work, and I know the written word, and what we choose to type can change everything. And I was all ready to give you another proposal idea, hitting on something you said earlier.

But when I read the highlighted part, I got mad and wondered why you did that. Knowing all you do now, how much she''s wanting this and how much any mention of said engagement ring might send her off, you said that. You had to know what that would do, you''re not that stupid. And you did this knowing you might not propose in the next week, that you might wait. And imo, that, was just plain wrong.

Ellen I couldn''t agree more. And no, I don''t think there is any reason to keep holding on to the ring when you already have it and know full well you are torturing her with it. If you know damn well she''s gonna be very disappointed over and over again until AUGUST, why are you ok with that? It''s not only about a pretty diamond on her finger, but everyone knows what the diamond is supposed to represent. You continue to dangle it over her head, then make fun of her and call her immature for crying. Nice.

 

[justjulia]

How about renting a tux, showing up at her family''s house, ring the doorbell, get down on one knee and propose when she opens the door? Prearrange mamma to be there to witness, with a camera. Everyone''s happy and you get to spend the next week in the after glow strolling through NYC.

"Perfect" is where you are at, mentally.

 

[absolut_blonde]

If you wait til NYC, she's going to totally be expecting it. Any time a LIW goes on a trip, or has a birthday, or an anniversary, or a major holiday like Christmas... she's going to be holding onto the hope that this will be 'it'. In the days before the trip and the first part of the trip til you propose, she's probably going to be a bit of a nervous wreck. It'll be hard for either of you to really relax.

I'm also a LIW - we're planning a trip somewhere warm this fall and let me tell you, I would much rather get engaged before that (for various reasons) than have that pressure looming over our heads right before and during the trip. Plus I tend to think the proposing on a trip thing is a leetle overdone (no offense to anyone). Not only will your GF be expecting that, everyone else you know will be too.

I personally think that if you want it to be a big surprise, I would do it sooner and make it totally about you two as a couple. I'm a big homebody who would much prefer something romantic and intimate right in our own house. If she is really into fashion, why not buy something smallish (like literally, a Coach coin purse or something) and surprise her with the ring in there? I would just do something totally unexpected- IMO the trip proposal is not unexpected.

Like someone else said, then you can spend the NYC trip enjoying your newly enfianced status. JMO, anyway.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I agree. We've clearly got dissimulation going on here. OP is concealing from himself, his girlfriend, and/or us the real issue. Because it's a jerk move to have the goshdarn ring and admit that girlfriend will be really disappointed not to have a proposal in New York AND to admit that he thinks proposals are corny and much more important to girls than guys AND THEN to choose to propose at some arbitrary point four months in the future just because he always thought it'd be nice to have a beach proposal. Because fantasy of guy who thinks proposals are corny trumps girl who's been dreaming about it for 15 years?

Dude, I think you're just a little scared. You know how important this is to her, and you're not familiar with New York, so you can't envision how to do this in a savvy way. You haven't wrapped your brain around really going through with this yet, so you're getting stuck on details. The beach in four months? Then WHY ON EARTH did you buy the ring already?

Here's what I would do. Carry the ring around with you and wait for "the moment." A special moment you couldn't have anticipated you'd have. You go sight-seeing, and end up wandering through Central Park. You find a nice spot, and the sun is shining, and no one is around for a minute. Or you're on top of the Empire State building. Or you're having a really wonderful time at dinner at the place the concierge recommended. Whenever that nice moment happens, seize it.

And if no nice moments happen, and you wind up going to bed, then do it the next morning as you're waking up to a new day. Tell her that this morning is the first morning of the rest of your lives together, that you had the most wonderful night the night before and you look forward to many more. I like the bath idea somebody suggested.

I couldn't be less impressed with the logical (in)coherence of your beach in four months argument. It just makes no sense. You're stalling. Don't be scared. She loves you; you love her. This is exciting!

ETA: We got engaged on a trip when I knew it was coming, and that didn't make it any less special to me. It was a 7 day trip, so I was constantly in suspense until finally on day 5 he proposed. There was a nice moment in a park a few days earlier when I thought a proposal would have been nice, but he had a whole day planned out (morning at my favorite museum in Paris, lunch at a cute place, walk in the gardens of the Royal Palace) and it was special (except for the part where he got so nervous that he forgot to ask me to marry him and just announced, "I want you to be my wife!" I was like, "Isn't there any audience participation in this proposal?"

But I didn't really mind because that's just semantics, and my darling husband was just a little nervous).

 

[decodelighted]

Here''s how to be real ...

Propose somewhere somehow in NYC. Early on, preferably ... so you can enjoy the rest of your anniversary trip stress-free & floating on air.

At some point after proposing, explain to her that part of you wanted to wait & propose on a magical moonlit beach stroll in August so ... would she mind terribly if you PROPOSED AGAIN THERE.

Spending a life together is about sharing your most intimate thoughts & dreams & hopes & wishes & even, sometimes, the selfish little **** you don''t want to admit to anyone. Choose this time to ramp up that special bond between you with some intimacy. And with putting her desires before your own *this* time. Maybe you don''t realize this yet, but good partners spend a lot of time putting someone else''s needs before their own. Maybe you''re not used to humbling yourself this way. Get used to it!

 

[E B]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:35:41 AM
Author: absolut_blonde

I personally think that if you want it to be a big surprise, I would do it sooner and make it totally about you two as a couple. I'm a big homebody who would much prefer something romantic and intimate right in our own house. If she is really into fashion, why not buy something smallish (like literally, a Coach coin purse or something) and surprise her with the ring in there? I would just do something totally unexpected- IMO the trip proposal is not unexpected.

Like someone else said, then you can spend the NYC trip enjoying your newly enfianced status. JMO, anyway.

I completely agree. You said she WILL expect it in NYC, and you don't want that, right? But making her wait is unnecessary at this point because you have the ring, and you say you're ready. I'd do it the night before so both of you can fully enjoy the NYC trip without worrying about the proposal.

As absolut mentioned, you could buy (and wrap) a little Coach wristlet to hide the ring inside. You could tell her you wanted to get her something for the trip, and you feel guilty about not having proposed yet (AHEM) so "here's a gift in the meantime. It's nothing big, just something to carry around NYC." Give it to her after you've made dinner, complete with wine. Maybe you'll have rented one of her favorite engagement/wedding movies and have chocolate-dipped strawberries to celebrate with after the proposal.

If you feel like proposing in NYC is the way to go, do it earlier rather than later. The first night you're there, over dinner, or the first morning you wake up in your hotel room.

 

[PaulaW]

Holy Jesus, I can just feel the tension and anxiety in your posts! First of all, I''m sorry this is becoming such a source of stress for you and your gf. I think you''re up against some pretty big forces (her family, jewelry store environment, peer pressure, etc.) that are unfortunately putting you on a faster track than you want to be.
I get that you don''t want these to affect your life and dictate how you propose, but I think any reasoning you come up with (as sound and logical as they are) may be coming across as hesitation to your gf which is making her nutty. I think since you have the ring and are ready to propose, just do it. I know it''s kind of ruining things for you and you won''t be giving the proposal you always wanted to, but in the long run it may save you a lot of arguing and headaches.
I do have an idea for you: since you guys like to hang out in parks, eat, and are close to NYC, why not go to the botanical gardens in the Bronx? Arthur Ave. is right there and you guys could have a killer Italian meal and check out the shops too. Maybe you could hide the ring in a "special" flower or something?
Good luck to you and congrats on your upcoming engagement!

 

[tlh]

another friend of mine got propsed to in a beach in FL. It RAINED THE ENTIRE TRIP. He was stressed out the entire time because she was expecting it.. and it never posed an opportunity. On the last day the sun parted and they took a walk, and he did it.

She confessed that she couldn''t enjoy the trip because she was hoping every romantic moment.. he''d do it... and every time he didn''t she was dissappointed. Yes she was engaged, and it was exciting, but she complained that she would have liked to have been engaged AND actually enjoyed the vacation... had he proposed when she could celebrate with family, and then go off intimately together...

 

[meresal]

thelastrealman- Thanks for coming back and answering my question.

Like I said earlier, my FI and I got engaged in NYC, and it was amazing. We went out (dinner and then a bar) on our last night with friends and family, and then at 1 am we hailed a cab back to Times Square for one last look at all the lights, and that is where he proposed.

You can make an incredibly memorable weekend out of that trip, that you will both enjoy. It may not sound as good as a beach right now, but once you get there, you really get caught up in the city and it will feel right. I promise!!

ETA: Has she told you any specific things that she wants to do while being there? (If you decide to take her...)

 

[lliang_chi]

Sigh! Thank you absolut_blonde, i didn''t want to be the first one to say it, but I think proposals on a trip are overdone too. I was proposed to on a trip, and honestly a part of me wanted be home with my friends so we could go out a celebrate. Or if we were with family to celebrate with. I''m not saying that my FI did a lousy job or anything; it was quite romantic. And it was nice we got to spend a lot of time together savoring the exciting of it. So that''s definitely something, but I dunno, I was so excited I really wanted to grab one of my friends/my sister/my mom and jump around and scream. You really can''t do that not amongst friends without looking crazy.

So anyway, OP if you were looking for a opinions, I''d say do it at home, before the trip to NYC and use the trip as your alone celebration time. She sounds like the type that wants to go screaming and jumping with her friends/family.

 

[Thelastrealman]

I need to clear some things up cause I''m starting to wish I never even came here.


We live an hour away, there will be no overnight, it will be a late night.

I got the ring early, the discount that I recieved on this item was a once in a lifetime deal that could not be passed.

I''m not hiding anything or stalling. I will do things when I want, how I want and will not be pressured. The engagement is my time, the wedding is hers. Recognize the name ladies, when I''m set in something with a plan, thats how it goes down because I bust my ass and plan for 5 different endings incase I cant do 1.

I''m must be freakin insane for going on a message board where they actually have a section for impacient women to rant and cry about not getting what they want. I was looking for rational comments, not attacks or judgements. Thanks to the few real women who gave me great feedback, you have actually steered me in a good way.

I think I''m done here. Its not that big of a deal, it never was to me, I just want to be with her forever and make her happy. I''m gonna just say it to her face and give her what she deserves on one knee. DONE~!!!!!

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:24:08 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I need to clear some things up cause I''m starting to wish I never even came here.


We live an hour away, there will be no overnight, it will be a late night.

I got the ring early, the discount that I recieved on this item was a once in a lifetime deal that could not be passed.

I''m not hiding anything or stalling. I will do things when I want, how I want and will not be pressured. The engagement is my time, the wedding is hers. Recognize the name ladies, when I''m set in something with a plan, thats how it goes down because I bust my ass and plan for 5 different endings incase I cant do 1.

I''m must be freakin insane for going on a message board where they actually have a section for impacient women to rant and cry about not getting what they want. I was looking for rational comments, not attacks or judgements. Thanks to the few real women who gave me great feedback, you have actually steered me in a good way.

I think I''m done here. Its not that big of a deal, it never was to me, I just want to be with her forever and make her happy. I''m gonna just say it to her face and give her what she deserves on one knee. DONE~!!!!!

Don''t take it to heart. We are all trying to help you. I think it''s great that you''re putting so much thought into this...it''s really a breathe of fresh air. Some of us just got a little turned off by your earlier posts, but even those of us who did still want to help you.

Don''t leave on account of us, is what I''m saying. Everything will turn out great, trust me.

 

[risingsun]

You sound like a very immature young man who is hurting his girlfriend for his own self-imposed reasons. Are you not aware that your GF may be building resentments toward you as she waits for you to decide when the moment is right for you? Do what you want and hope that she doesn''t decide to walk away before you get your act together. Your threads have been all about you and your feelings and making light about how women respond to waiting for the proposal. You are not a real man...far from it.

 

[rainwood]

If he''s the last real man, I''m glad I''m no longer in the dating pool.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/7/2009 9:47:33 AM
Author: Thelastrealman
I was making sure she wanted what I got her with a few indirect questions. She knows I''m shopping and saving so she thinks I''m just shopping. She gets turned on when I get very interested in it. Its not like the torture she gets from others, she enjoys talking about it, cause it will be hers and it is part of her livelyhood. She was happy to talk about it.

Really? You were just making sure? I ask, because it seems pretty clear here.

Date: 4/6/2009 3:16:01 PM
Author:Thelastrealman
First off, Hi, this is my first post, please be kind. I believe this is the proper section.

Heres a little tail if you dont mind reading... my GF of 4 years has been in jewelry for awhile. Her goal in life is to be engaged to me and when I mean goal I mean reason for being on this planet, crying all day she doesnt have a ring, knows what she wants in life and thinks I don''t want to.... Anyway lol..

Little does she know I was able to get her discount w/o her knowing on a 1ct round Celebration Diamond. (4k out the door) I know this site is filled with hardcore diamond gurus, people that dont believe in buying at B&M but thats the only way I know how to buy (see it hold it, especially since no diamond is the same).

Being with her so long I''ve picked up on a lot of jewlery terms, business, schemes so I feel I''m more informed then the average Joe who learns his 4c''s.

I picked this diamond because she loves it. Her coworkers and friends all regard this diamond as the best for various reasons, some superficial, some legit.

We have shopped at a lot of B&M places, Jared, Gordon''s, Kay''s, Zales, JB Robinson, Ultra Diamonds and then the Diamond Mine in Hackensack, NJ. Only a few places had rings that caught her and I''s attention, there was always something holding me back though, either the value, price, setting, sales people, nothing really worked out, and she always came back to the Celebration...Fine.

So I got this thing now, biggest purchase of my life besides my car, saved up and paid in full much to the dismay of their credit company.

I''m wondering just how good this ring is? Its a G near colorless SI2. My aunt and my mother always told me that any girl special enough to marry is worth a 1ct diamond. 1ct is the magic number for the ladies I guess and I can see why. I financially cant afford more then what I did, I mean I could, but I dont want to. I wanted to get a ring she wouldnt want to upgrade like I see so man women doing. I was kind of sad with si2 rating but checking how INCREDIBLE the leap is from si1/si2 to VS, the choice was pretty clear.

I have pretty exceptional eyesite and its very difficult for me to see anything wrong on this diamond, ''eye clean'' as you guys say.

Basically for the price, how did I do, technically speaking? Given the guarentee/warranty, 4c''s, high facet cut, white gold, plat head, her wishes, could I have done better for 4k?

All things considered, given my effort in research and money paid, I feel I did well. I would like to get others thoughts on this class/level of diamond.

And here.

Date: 4/6/2009 9:49:50 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
Thanks Danny, I really have. Even though I put myself in the lions den here, I''m ready for the comments. I''m one of those guys that does like months of research to pull the trigger on something like a sound system this has been like a year in the making for me.

This is truely what will make her happy and I''m 100% sure of that, shes an amazing girl and this will make her face light up. I cant wait really, I just want to give her something she will be proud of, her family is big on pride (cuban/italian) and me being the tech nerd I am, I appreciate quality and value and with this ring I think for what I paid I got the best I could, especially it being what she wanted.

And here yet again.

Date: 4/6/2009 3:42:54 PM
Author:Thelastrealman
My gf works in jewelry. She sells engagement rings every day to happy couples, guys suprising their girls, everyday.

We''ve been going out almost 4 years, she is the girl for me and I have the ring of her dreams already (unknown to her) but no matter how many times I sit down and talk to her, it still creeps back.

For awhile I couldnt afford it, then I got it and I was waiting for the right time, when I felt comfortable and in a romantic setting.

We have our 4 year anniversary coming up, I KNOW shes praying for this to be the day. I personally think its corny. I would like to do it on our upcoming vacation in August but that is a long time and we''re bound to be in a few more fights.

I tell her its happening this year, I tell her I want it to be special and in a special place. I''ve told her I wont do it in an ordinary location, i.e around this area. I''ve even told her no holidays. She still comes back to me with the. ''at least I know what I want, I wont wait forever, I guess I have to wait for you, I guess you''re not ready'', all complete emotional ramblings.

I swear its so different for guys, I understand the gravitiy of this moment, because its effecting me too but this runs really deep, she comes from a house full of women, 3 other sisters! This day has been planned for about 15 years (shes 22).

Any advice to help me out? lol I mean our anniversary is in 1 week, she wants to go to NYC for the day since we live close, There are a lot of ideal places to do a proposal but I really envisioned it on the beach during a late night walk and want to stick with that!

HALP!

Doesn''t seem to be any question but that you have the ring she wants. And you know it. Yet you continue to mess with her. She gets "turned on" when you talk about it? Then why are you so worried that it''s "in her brain fresh"? And why might you have to alter plans because of this, or warn her beforehand?

Sorry, I call BS. I think you started this thread for attention, or to yank our chains, or both, along with your poor girlfriend.


I''m out.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:35:48 PM
Author: rainwood
If he''s the last real man, I''m glad I''m no longer in the dating pool.

 

[justjulia]

It sounds like you are trying to take care of things and I think that''s sweet. You''ll be a good daddy someday, I can tell.

Hang in there. Please post pictures when the big day comes. Hand shots are obligatory!

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:41:16 PM
Author: justjulia
It sounds like you are trying to take care of things and I think that''s sweet. You''ll be a good daddy someday, I can tell.

Just curious -- how can you tell?

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:40:44 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 4/7/2009 12:35:48 PM
Author: rainwood
If he''s the last real man, I''m glad I''m no longer in the dating pool.

Truer words were never spoken. Sheesh

and he says she''s the petty one.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:24:08 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I will do things when I want, how I want and will not be pressured. The engagement is my time, the wedding is hers

+

Date: 4/7/2009 12:24:08 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
Its not that big of a deal, it never was to me,

=

Does not compute.

 

[Thelastrealman]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:42:21 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 4/7/2009 12:41:16 PM
Author: justjulia
It sounds like you are trying to take care of things and I think that''s sweet. You''ll be a good daddy someday, I can tell.

Just curious -- how can you tell?

I''ll be a damn good father, its something we''ve talked about already. I''m honest, faithful, fun and lawful. I grew up with brothers where I had to share and deligate constantly. I''m successful financially and met the girl of my dreams. I hold the highest regard for parents who raise their kids properly and teach them manners. I still believe in spanking cause it corrected my ass when I got out of line and it kept me on the right track and out of stupid stuff like drugs.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:42:21 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 4/7/2009 12:41:16 PM
Author: justjulia
It sounds like you are trying to take care of things and I think that''s sweet. You''ll be a good daddy someday, I can tell.

Just curious -- how can you tell?

He reminds me of the men, especially one in particular, I saw recently in the ob/gyn''s office last week during a routine check up. He was so dear...talking about all the planning he had done for the big event, the birth of his first child. How for the home nursery they bought curtain to keep the light dim and comfortable for sleeping, music, blankets, and yet they had been getting very little sleep. The baby was in the waiting room with the dad while mom was back with the doctor. The baby was wrapped in several precious pink fluffy blankets and the dad was very, very proud. I said something along the lines of "just wait until you have more than one and then you will be like, pffft..and relax" and he looked at me like I had 3 heads. I couldn''t help but smile to myself and consider his naivity and yet downright adorable innocence.

I feel that this guy is just trying to do something right but is flustered that he can''t get the thing down to a formula. He wants it to be perfect, memorable, and absolutely predictable. Unfortunately, life is messy. Really messy. Unbelievably messy. I applaud his dream of trying to steer the ship, but really, if he is planning on not having a heart attack in this thirties, he needs to just let some things be a little flexible. A ship is safe in the harbor, but that''s not what ships are for.

He''ll get to it and maybe that stoic-ness of his is just his way of trying to be a rock for her. Maybe he realizes now (given he doesn''t live with an abundance of females) that we femailes do enjoy what we enjoy. There can be no absolute logic at all times in that. The guy''s not terrible. He''s just learning.

 

[Thelastrealman]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:48:07 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/7/2009 12:24:08 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
I will do things when I want, how I want and will not be pressured. The engagement is my time, the wedding is hers

+

Date: 4/7/2009 12:24:08 PM
Author: Thelastrealman
Its not that big of a deal, it never was to me,

=

Does not compute.

I was getting swayed by the remarks of others, the last comment is how I feel its not a huge deal. The huge deal is the wedding imo.


Julia you're right. I get hyped up and go overload, I love perfection if I can earn it or get damn close to it. It so hard with something like this that I think it cannot be perfect, it just has to be. I'm starting to realize the less hype I put on it the better it will be. I wont have anything written. I'm going to just grab her and look at her, then lay it out the best I know how.