E-Ring Dream to E-Ring Nightmare in the Diamond District

[OFY]

I fully agree with you both @OFY and @Niel And I did insist to my SO we can just keep the ring. Our finances matter more to me than a ring, regardless that it is liquid and not credit.

Would you have any advice how I can communicate this to my SO? Or a middle ground so he is also still happy?

I would stress the sentimentality that the proposal ring has, many women are very attached to it. And also point out that you can replace it sometime in the future since he was planning on an upgrade at some point anyway (maybe a couple of years sooner than planned?) Since he didn’t buy from a vendor with an upgrade policy he obviously wasn’t planning on doing the upgrade by getting the full value out of the original diamond anyway. Most couples who upgrade but don’t have an upgrade policy end up buying a second ring and keeping their first for sentimental value since their first cant be sold or traded in for any significant amount.

 

[whitewave]

You can always make the center stone a pendant.

 

[whitewave]

My SO has decided he wants a new ring for us. It may be financially unwise (which makes me feel sick everytime I think of the money lost), but he doesn't want this ring altogether nor to deal with the merchant at all after they did not meet their word and their written clause.

Whether my SO will sell the rings or not is up to him. I first offered and insisted to keep it but he does not want to. If he doesn't sell then I may just change the ring into a necklace and maybe wear the bands on other fingers like one of those decked out rappers!!

I get it. DH and I have lost so much money on buying and trading in cars after 1 or 2 years, one depreciated 16k in that time. It was a running joke among our friends asking us what car do you have now....

 

[whitewave]

If I misread I apologize but the sentiment is the same, think logically about your next steps before throwing more money down the drain. I was basing it off he statement that her SO split this payment over Amex and Chase, earlier in the posting.

Points.

 

[yennyfire]

Chiming in really, really late. I'm guessing that you may be involved with the same vendor that brought me to PS many years ago. To make a VERY long story short, I first bought a ring after feeling very pressured (we had flown to NYC for a long weekend). We picked a stone and setting, but had an icky feeling. The stone in the setting I picked was terrible. I flew back up to exchange the stone, spent even more. The whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth that I got a whole new setting from a local vendor, hoping that would make the ring seem "mind clean" to me. It didn't work and I ended up selling the whole thing (at a loss) and starting over. All of that said, I don't think that this ring or any ring from this vendor will be "mind clean" for you. If your CC will not refund your money, I'd sell the ring privately and use whatever you get back to put towards a new stone/setting from a PS vendor using all of the knowledge you will gain from the experts on this board. Just my .02. I wish you the best of luck. Whether your SO made a mistake or not is irrelevant, it doesn't change the sick feeling you have in the pit of your stomach...I know that's not the way either of you wanted to start this chapter of your life together.

 

[Hephephippo]

Chiming in really, really late. I'm guessing that you may be involved with the same vendor that brought me to PS many years ago. To make a VERY long story short, I first bought a ring after feeling very pressured (we had flown to NYC for a long weekend). We picked a stone and setting, but had an icky feeling. The stone in the setting I picked was terrible. I flew back up to exchange the stone, spent even more. The whole thing left such a bad taste in my mouth that I got a whole new setting from a local vendor, hoping that would make the ring seem "mind clean" to me. It didn't work and I ended up selling the whole thing (at a loss) and starting over. All of that said, I don't think that this ring or any ring from this vendor will be "mind clean" for you. If your CC will not refund your money, I'd sell the ring privately and use whatever you get back to put towards a new stone/setting from a PS vendor using all of the knowledge you will gain from the experts on this board. Just my .02. I wish you the best of luck. Whether your SO made a mistake or not is irrelevant, it doesn't change the sick feeling you have in the pit of your stomach...I know that's not the way either of you wanted to start this chapter of your life together.

You know, you got it really. Our faults and mistakes are irrelevant -- our gut told us something was off and that was why I think my SO was so off for a couple of days until he finally told me about the ring and that he is worried sick about the vendor.

It is an expensive mistake, but does not remove the fact the merchant was dishonest.

Thank you for the well wishes. I'm hoping CC will refund in our favor but if not -- we will likely keep the gem and have it reset as a necklace, if not sell it.

Some good suggestions on here -- resetting to a new ring so we don't spend an extra 35k, I was excited about that but after another suggestion I realized that my SO had always wanted us to upgrade my ring in the future. Although it is not ideal to part with a total of about 65k in a short period of time, I think it can be fine since he can afford it (not credit) and the net effect is the same. We do want to start off with a good jeweler.

If anything, SO had asked me what I want for Xmas and I said necklace and matching earrings. So if we really cant get a refund, then I'll consider this set as his Xmas present (changed to necklace, earrings)...

 

[Hephephippo]

If I misread I apologize but the sentiment is the same, think logically about your next steps before throwing more money down the drain. I was basing it off he statement that her SO split this payment over Amex and Chase, earlier in the posting.

Also we always pay with cards but never revolve -- we want the points! So everything is always on a credit card.

 

[hathalove]

When is the wedding?

 

[Hephephippo]

When is the wedding?

SO wants to marry before 2018 ends. We have not set a date yet, that's another problem to deal with (it will be a destination wedding necessitated by the fact that our families are all outside of NYC anyway)

 

[GearGirly]

You have a good plan, and you are coming to terms with what happened. It is really unfortunate but your attitude and his and you guys working together really shows through! If you have to start all over again and can afford it, good for you guys. You will have an amazing ring! I would go Whiteflash myself .

 

[rocks]

Did your SO ever see the diamond prior to it bing set in the mounting?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am late checking back in, but I am very hopeful about you getting a positive result from your credit card company. The fact that your husband had a witness there at the time of purchase is great, because he can for sure say that there was no special order involved!

If for any reason they don't rule in your favor, I would sell it like yennyfire said. I wouldn't want a reminder of this situation!

I would also advise ignoring negative posts. I think you have valid complaints.

 

[LLJsmom]

I agree with @diamondseeker2006 . It’s a public forum so you will get a variety of responses. Take what is constructive and useful. Leave what is negative and not helpful. Don’t bother trying to argue with some people. It’s serves no purpose. Nothing you explain will change their mind so it’s a waste of your time and energy. You don’t need everyone to agree or sympathize with you. Just be discerning and extract the savvy, wise advice regardless of the form it comes in. And let the rest go.

Good luck with everything. I think it will turn out alright.

 

[Hephephippo]

Thanks @LLJsmom you are very correct, it also is up to me to discern what is said on here and take what I can, and leave the bad. It was a shocking experience but another lesson learned that will translate to me outside this forum as well.

I do however want to remind everyone to speak gently to themselves and to others. It's like being polite -- it does not cost a thing, and the rewards are rich -- creating a harmonious environment ! The medium is always more important than the message because using the wrong medium, will distort the message.

Also, being a forum and the internet, a lot of detail can be lost. I'm not a writer and non-native English speaker, so to be told my story is false hurts even more. Don't think it's fair to attack a character based on one thread with limited information that can also be lost in translation. The constructive approach -- ask further questions, ask for clarification, etc all would have been better.

 

[motownmama]

I just want to chime in here. As an old married gal I just want to say that in the course of a lifetime there will be mistakes, oops, etc. that probably will be collectively really costly. If this weren’t a public forum I’d even tell you some personal specifics to try to make you feel better!!! I’m feeling positive about the CC company - Amex is awesome with resolving situations. But .... if they can’t successfully handle this (and I think they WILL), don’t beat yourselves up about this. I’m guessing you have your health, you’re in love, and you have financial resources. Life is good!!! I echo the sentiment of resetting the diamond, if it comes to that, and just move forward. Focus on the wedding and your future together - the really important stuff! Hugs.

 

[missy]

I just want to chime in here. As an old married gal I just want to say that in the course of a lifetime there will be mistakes, oops, etc. that probably will be collectively really costly. If this weren’t a public forum I’d even tell you some personal specifics to try to make you feel better!!! I’m feeling positive about the CC company - Amex is awesome with resolving situations. But .... if they can’t successfully handle this (and I think they WILL), don’t beat yourselves up about this. I’m guessing you have your health, you’re in love, and you have financial resources. Life is good!!! I echo the sentiment of resetting the diamond, if it comes to that, and just move forward. Focus on the wedding and your future together - the really important stuff! Hugs.

Yes a big hearty +1 to this wise post. Hopefully Am Ex will refund you and no matter what you and your SO have each other and hopefully a bright future together. Sending good thoughts your way.

 

[marymm]

If you wanted gentle sympathetic words and/or your hand held, perhaps you would have been better off reaching out only to your friends and family. I would venture to guess even if you did relate this story to all of your friends and family, more than several would respond in a manner less harmonious than you might want.

However, you came here and specifically asked for advice from strangers, and you provided a lot of details about your SO's transaction. PS is a consumer-oriented forum focused on diamonds and jewelry, and sharing knowledge. Many of the facts you related of your SO's transaction raised quite a few red flags, and pointing them out and providing alternate approaches to this kind of purchase is exactly the purpose of this forum. It is entirely appropriate for posters to reply with concise, even blunt, sentences. You received a lot of constructive advice here, much of it will/should be helpful to you/your SO re: future diamond purchases, and much of it helpful to other readers of this thread whose diamond purchases are in the future.

If you are looking for gentle harmony in the world, arming yourself with basic knowledge (including return policies) before significant purchases and paying appropriate taxes will take you and yours a long way there.

 

[SimoneDi]

I just want to chime in here. As an old married gal I just want to say that in the course of a lifetime there will be mistakes, oops, etc. that probably will be collectively really costly. If this weren’t a public forum I’d even tell you some personal specifics to try to make you feel better!!! I’m feeling positive about the CC company - Amex is awesome with resolving situations. But .... if they can’t successfully handle this (and I think they WILL), don’t beat yourselves up about this. I’m guessing you have your health, you’re in love, and you have financial resources. Life is good!!! I echo the sentiment of resetting the diamond, if it comes to that, and just move forward. Focus on the wedding and your future together - the really important stuff! Hugs.

+ another 1 to this honest advice. @Hephephippo I am sorry to hear that the retailer refused to issue a refund even against their own policy (if appraisal value less than purchase). However, I will say that I was expecting that they won't give in easily.
I see that you already started looking for another ring, my sincerest advice will be that you hold off on purchasing another ring for a little bit. Enjoy the holidays, go get that new job, take some time to see how the refund process goes, to look at pictures online, to even look at the ring that you currently have and to get/enjoy being engaged and plan a wedding (if you want to have a wedding). Rings come and go and mistakes unfortunately do happen, make sure that you don't just jump into another purchase that you might regret later for different reasons. IF, for whatever reason, you are not able to get a refund from the CC companies, I would also recommend taking your time to figure out what you want to do with the diamond + setting+ bands that your SO purchased. I also second the advice to get the diamond reset. Here is a beautiful princess cut ring created by Leon Mege:

Another option that you might want to consider is turning this stone into a side stone in a 3 stone ring. That will be a lot of bling and maybe not what you are after, but maybe something to consider. You might have already tossed the idea of setting it as a pendant/earrings, so that is always an option as well.
I guess if you SO never looked into the return policy and never felt uneasy about the ring, you both would have been happy with the ring and planning your future together.
As much as I do not excuse the retailer for failure to disclose their policies properly, your SO also did not do his due diligence and I assume, the idea of a refund did not even cross his mind. Hard lesson learned there, but this shouldn't be a reason to toss aside an appx 30k purchase..
In the end of the day, the funds are yours/your SOs, do whatever makes you happy, but try to concentrate on the positive in life and your bright future together. This will sound crazy coming for me, but in the end of the day, this is just a ring. I hope that you have much more bling in your future and let this become a positive learning experience and not something that always brings out negative emotions. Good luck to you!

 

[Tekate]

Well, this has been a fun, sad, icky, bummeursky of a thread. I being of old age have paid WAY more for jewelry of lesser quality all my life I'm sure, until I found pricescope. While I may pay top dollar, I feel I am getting TOP QUALITY. I personally think my engagement ring stone isn't the one I started out with in '86. Sold to me in the diamond district of NYC in the stalls downstairs as a VS2, 1.66 modern round brillant, VS2, had it reset... 4x (and still hate this setting).. at the last appraisal by Springer's Jewlery store in Portland ME a year ago by an AGS registered jeweler who appraised it as a 1.61 ctw, I color, VVS1 I told my hubster that it's not my original stone and he said I was nuts, (all normal here with us).. my point is, GIA, AGS numbers are important, perhaps not every jewlery store is on the up and up, although I have zero proof my situation with my diamond makes me uncomfortable. So OP, I truly understand how you feel, and hope the CC thingy works, although with the 'special order' it may be hard.

We all hate to be ripped off. My SIL has a K color 2.01 Princess that rocks.. I'd sell the stone and try one of the companies here.

I have learned a lot here on Pricescope.

I cannot stress this enough. Yes the invoice states 30day money back guarantee refund on purchases if appraisal is lower than the merchant claims.

They did not honor it. I'm not sure why some souls here still think it's not dishonest?

When appraised value was brought up, they said they won't exchange the rings because they were special order but can exchange the diamond for same carat and stuff but SO has to pay 1k more. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT CRAZINESS IS THAT EVEN.

IM a bit overwhelmed right now so I'm sorry if I can't respond or ansrer everything.

 

[Tourmaline]

Instead of picking a cut I like, I picked out cuts I know j won't like (Marquis, oval, and heart).

HUH?!

 

[Allisonfaye]

I am still wondering why they are claiming it was a special order? Did you ever say that? I am sure you must have asked them?

 

[Allisonfaye]

This is kind of on a related note but when I was 19, I bought a used car from a couple in their late 30's ish. They had teenage kids. So I stupidly did not have the car inspected by a mechanic. They took me to the bank to pay off their car loan directly to the tune of around $1900. Two days later, the car stopped. Had it towed and was told it had been wrecked so badly that the frame was bent and it was junk. For a couple of years, I plotted my revenge. I fantasized about putting super glue in their door locks and things like that. Eventually, I let it go. And somewhere along the line, I realized they did me a huge favor. They taught me what some people will do to get money and from then on, I trusted no one until they proved they were trustworthy.

When I went into that NYC jeweler (and for some reason, I bet it's the same one you bought your ring from), I had that experience in my life. My gut told me they were unscrupulous and I left.

Epilogue to the car story: I worked in the cashier's office in a local hospital during college and that family came through. God, I wanted to let them have it. But I didn't.

 

[LLJsmom]

Thanks @LLJsmom you are very correct, it also is up to me to discern what is said on here and take what I can, and leave the bad. It was a shocking experience but another lesson learned that will translate to me outside this forum as well.

I do however want to remind everyone to speak gently to themselves and to others. It's like being polite -- it does not cost a thing, and the rewards are rich -- creating a harmonious environment ! The medium is always more important than the message because using the wrong medium, will distort the message.

Also, being a forum and the internet, a lot of detail can be lost. I'm not a writer and non-native English speaker, so to be told my story is false hurts even more. Don't think it's fair to attack a character based on one thread with limited information that can also be lost in translation. The constructive approach -- ask further questions, ask for clarification, etc all would have been better.

Hi @Hephephippo I really wanted to respond to this thought. You will and probably have met many people in your life that communicate in different ways. I think that in the end if you focus more on how something is said you would be doing yourself a disservice more than anyone else. When you don’t take someone else’s advice the advice giver is no worse off. You on the other hand may miss out on some really good advice just because you don’t like or cannot get past how it’s given.
With regard to harmony, you have a role in that too. There are plenty of people in the world who try to instigate. You ignore it? There is no argument or discord. Yes people say hurtful things. And sometimes they don’t care no matter how much you wish they would. Again a waste of your time and energy to try to change that, and, it can be irrelevant to the issue at hand. And you may miss out on good advice crammed in there.
You seem like an honest and sincere person. I hope that this works out for you. I think you have good arguments. When you get your money back, you can focus on picking out the ering of your dreams.

 

[soxfan]

I want to know who the vendor is.

 

[SimoneDi]

I want to know who the vendor is.

I stalked, I found, I sent an email

 

[whitewave]

me too

 

[HappyNewLife]

you have a lot going for you with your credit card claims. You have a witness (BF's friend), you have an unaltered ring (not special order), you have an appraisal that is well below what you paid. You'll win. It's just going to take a couple months. That will give you time to find the perfect diamond. I don't know JACK about asschers, so I can't really help. Wishing you tons of luck!

 

[Hephephippo]

Hi everyone! I was in interviews all day so I am late in responding but really want to thank everyone who took their time to write their thoughts and inputs. All welcomed well, and learned from

Sorry it's too much now to reply individually but I promise I read them all, learned from them all and loved the lessons and experiences (stories) shared here. Yes this is our first expensive mistake together but we are growing from this experience and I am very pleased to know my future husband and I are able to weather this storm and really work as a team and watching out for each other's best interest.

All advice here -- are taken, even if it does not necessarily sit in my favor. I did not come here for sympathy (but thank you), but also did not come to be attacked but enough about that. I will always stand by my principles in showing kindness and politeness to others but yes, understand and accept that not everyone practices the same and it's up to me to discern and take that. Similarly, not everyone speaks your language - both literally as in English, and figuratively (?) as in diamond, technical, legal speak. It is the internet so indeed very diverse. Further, I was never at the point of sale so I am going by my SOs story though I also did see the receipt and reports (GIA) and Appraiser.

I note the reminder to post the vendor name. As soon as our dispute is resolved, regardless of the outcome, I will post an update. I feel that the credit card resolution will explain the outcome and why, in writing (if I am recalling correctly) so that would, hopefully give the side of the vendor although passively.

SO tried to work with them again but they kept charging more money and SO was just not having it anymore. I'm not privvy to the details of his transactions with them but I 200% believe my SO and will take a bullet for his word -- he is the most honest, kind person I know, sometimes to a fault.

I tried, again, to convince SO not to spend more on a ring replacement, to just work with this ring (or vendor) one way or another, I was more concerned of the stress impact on him than the outcome of this. But he refuses point blank and he really wants a new ring -- something very important to him. It is his money (for now) and he can spend it however he wants, so now I'm helping him pick our ring (and I'm also now shopping for his wedding band -- don't know anything about wedding protocols and how to make a band more unique).

We wanted to go to actual jewelers so we have discussions and first hand education but the only one I keep seeing here is ID jewelry. The problem is -- SO refuses to go to the diamond district altogether. He said his tummy churns around that place. I guess he was traumatized so much by it. So we may have to go the online route because of this. Only caveat is SO was hoping to announce to families on christmas eve since we gotta rush wedding planning. But hey, that's not a bad problem to have!!

I am counting my blessings and good fortune and lessons learned and looking for rings!!!

 

[Hephephippo]

HUH?!

I eliminated cuts/shapes I know I don't like. I have not figured out which cut specifically I like but I have eliminated Marquise, Pear, Oval, Radiant, Pillow and Heart.

 

[Hephephippo]

I am still wondering why they are claiming it was a special order? Did you ever say that? I am sure you must have asked them?

SO said the merchant claimed they resized the ring for him, so it becomes special order --- but the thing is, the matching wedding band is eternity and it was not resized according to SO.

And for the e-ring, SO did not know my size (it was sized wrong) so he told them that and opted not to resize. But they told him just guess, and they can resize again if needed.

SO said they never told him resizing is special order. This was done on the spot. While this is a contestable area, SO thinks they should still take the diamond back as part of the refund clause and we will just keep the band.

That is his opinion and I left it to him to discuss with the credit card company and/or merchant.