Caring for the elderly.

[Linda W]

Skippy,

Ellen, will probably give both of us a bad time. tee hee

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/17/2008 11:27:47 PM
Author: Linda W
Skippy,

Ellen, will probably give both of us a bad time. tee hee

You are right LOL!

 

[Kaleigh]

My husband knows more than me, he tries to shield me from the bad stuff. Right now, Dad is going nutso, and Mom isn't doing well, health wise. I just am thankful I had 3 glorious weeks with my kids, family and friends. It was an amazing vacation. I am sad to leave. But know I am leaving with great memories, and a full energy level to deal with what lies ahead. That's all anyone can ask for, so feel blessed I had a reprieve. I feel like the kid that doesn't want to start the school year, like summer is over and bahhh, you have all this crap to look forward to....

 

[Skippy123]

Lisa, I am glad you had a very nice vacation!!! Your hubby is so sweet! I am sorry about your folks.

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

Boy do I know how that feels. You just want to stay where you are and never come back home!!!!

I ''m sorry your parents aren''t doing well and I am glad your hubby takes care of you. He sounds wonderful.

I do hope things settle down a bit for you.


xoxoxoxox Linda

 

[Linda W]

Oh and thank you for the wishes for my girlfriend. She is a mess. They had been together, since 7th grade, a long long time. She didn''t want to leave the funeral parlor on Saturday, she said that was the last time she would see him. DH and I and her SIL and DH, literally had to almost carry her out. My heart just ached for her.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/17/2008 11:40:32 PM
Author: Linda W
Oh and thank you for the wishes for my girlfriend. She is a mess. They had been together, since 7th grade, a long long time. She didn''t want to leave the funeral parlor on Saturday, she said that was the last time she would see him. DH and I and her SIL and DH, literally had to almost carry her out. My heart just ached for her.

Oh that''s just so sad. I hope she will find strength in the days ahead, and having you for a friend will surely help. Reminds me of my friend that lost her Mom. I was the last one to leave the house, no one wanted me to leave as if I did it would be all too real.. You sure have a lot on your plate sweetie, so sending you a big HUG!!!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/17/2008 11:27:47 PM
Author: Linda W
Skippy,

Ellen, will probably give both of us a bad time. tee hee

Please, I'm in no position to give anyone a hard time. And I wouldn't dream of it anyway, I like you all too darn much. We all do what we have to do, but we do it with the best of intentions at heart.

Lisa, I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well. Is your dad's meds not working right? And I'm not sure what your mom's health issues are, but I hope she gets something to alleviate them.



Linda, I can only imagine how heart broken your friend must be. Bless her heart, sudden deaths are never easy, but when one is so young, it's all the harder. I know you will be there for her, and she will make it through this, hard as it will be.


Now, on to DL. My first question is, is it literally going to be written up in a will that you must go, and only after it's been deemed that you actually did go that you get the money? For the sake of trying to give my thoughts on this now, I will assume she has not gone to that length. If not, what you could do, is give it some time, tell her you've thought it over, and have decided to go. Then, after she has passed, let your daughter and the kids go, and you can go in spirit.

I doubt she ever said you physically had to go..... even though we all know that's what she meant. But if she didn't say it...

I totally understand this is an unreasonable request for you. But Linda, she's dying, and though yes, she does seem to be having control issues, maybe that's understandable, because she doesn't have control over her very life. I would imagine the thought of that can mess with ones head. So maybe you could just try to go along with her? That's what I would do.

I realize you might not like, or agree with how I would handle it, and it's fine if you don't. As I said, we all do what we have to do. I just think if there's a way to pacify her, in her last days, does it really harm anything? Because we all, and the man upstairs, would absolutely understand why you would do this.

{{hugs}}




As for my mom, I just had a convo with her the other day, and to make it short, she is still in denial. She knows her memory is not right, but she doesn't think she has ALZ. I asked her why she thought that, to which she replied, "Because I remember too much".

*sigh* In reality, I suppose it's not really hurting anything, so I'm not going to argue the issue. And I will order the new health supplement someone recommended she take for ALZ, "just in case*.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/18/2008 11:03:17 AM
Author: Ellen

As for my mom, I just had a convo with her the other day, and to make it short, she is still in denial. She knows her memory is not right, but she doesn't think she has ALZ. I asked her why she thought that, to which she replied, 'Because I remember too much'.

*sigh* In reality, I suppose it's not really hurting anything, so I'm not going to argue the issue. And I will order the new health supplement someone recommended she take for ALZ, 'just in case*.

Oh I am sorry, I guess she just doesn't want to believe, it probably is scary, it does sound frustrating though, but you are right what can you do? I am sorry, sending you a hug El!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/18/2008 11:11:02 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/18/2008 11:03:17 AM
Author: Ellen

As for my mom, I just had a convo with her the other day, and to make it short, she is still in denial. She knows her memory is not right, but she doesn't think she has ALZ. I asked her why she thought that, to which she replied, 'Because I remember too much'.

*sigh* In reality, I suppose it's not really hurting anything, so I'm not going to argue the issue. And I will order the new health supplement someone recommended she take for ALZ, 'just in case*.

Oh I am sorry, I guess she just doesn't want to believe, it probably is scary, it does sound frustrating though, but you are right what can you do? I am sorry, sending you a hug El!

No, she doesn't. I guess she thinks that disease is for "other people".

And thanks, but really, it's not a big deal at this point. No harm in her thinking this. Of course, it could cause problems down the road, but I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/18/2008 11:26:12 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/18/2008 11:11:02 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/18/2008 11:03:17 AM
Author: Ellen

As for my mom, I just had a convo with her the other day, and to make it short, she is still in denial. She knows her memory is not right, but she doesn''t think she has ALZ. I asked her why she thought that, to which she replied, ''Because I remember too much''.

*sigh* In reality, I suppose it''s not really hurting anything, so I''m not going to argue the issue. And I will order the new health supplement someone recommended she take for ALZ, ''just in case*.

Oh I am sorry, I guess she just doesn''t want to believe, it probably is scary, it does sound frustrating though, but you are right what can you do? I am sorry, sending you a hug El!

No, she doesn''t. I guess she thinks that disease is for ''other people''.

And thanks, but really, it''s not a big deal at this point. No harm in her thinking this. Of course, it could cause problems down the road, but I''ll cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

My aunt had it and she never knew she had it. It was tough though for all.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/18/2008 4:52:42 PM
Author: Skippy123
My aunt had it and she never knew she had it. It was tough though for all.

I can see my mom never accepting it, just because she is SO forgetful now, and she won''t. After she said that to me, I wondered if she had forgotten just how much she forgets. That may sound funny, but I really did wonder!

Ah well, maybe the new supplement will help.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/18/2008 5:18:31 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/18/2008 4:52:42 PM
Author: Skippy123
My aunt had it and she never knew she had it. It was tough though for all.

I can see my mom never accepting it, just because she is SO forgetful now, and she won''t. After she said that to me, I wondered if she had forgotten just how much she forgets. That may sound funny, but I really did wonder!

Ah well, maybe the new supplement will help.

I hope they do too Ellen, sending you a hug!

 

[Linda W]

Date: 8/18/2008 11:03:17 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/17/2008 11:27:47 PM

Author: Linda W

Skippy,


Ellen, will probably give both of us a bad time. tee hee

Please, I''m in no position to give anyone a hard time. And I wouldn''t dream of it anyway, I like you all too darn much. We all do what we have to do, but we do it with the best of intentions at heart.

Lisa, I''m sorry to hear things aren''t going well. Is your dad''s meds not working right? And I''m not sure what your mom''s health issues are, but I hope she gets something to alleviate them.




Linda, I can only imagine how heart broken your friend must be. Bless her heart, sudden deaths are never easy, but when one is so young, it''s all the harder. I know you will be there for her, and she will make it through this, hard as it will be.



Now, on to DL. My first question is, is it literally going to be written up in a will that you must go, and only after it''s been deemed that you actually did go that you get the money? For the sake of trying to give my thoughts on this now, I will assume she has not gone to that length. If not, what you could do, is give it some time, tell her you''ve thought it over, and have decided to go. Then, after she has passed, let your daughter and the kids go, and you can go in spirit.

I doubt she ever said you physically had to go..... even though we all know that''s what she meant. But if she didn''t say it...

I totally understand this is an unreasonable request for you. But Linda, she''s dying, and though yes, she does seem to be having control issues, maybe that''s understandable, because she doesn''t have control over her very life. I would imagine the thought of that can mess with ones head. So maybe you could just try to go along with her? That''s what I would do.


I realize you might not like, or agree with how I would handle it, and it''s fine if you don''t. As I said, we all do what we have to do. I just think if there''s a way to pacify her, in her last days, does it really harm anything? Because we all, and the man upstairs, would absolutely understand why you would do this.

{{hugs}}





As for my mom, I just had a convo with her the other day, and to make it short, she is still in denial. She knows her memory is not right, but she doesn''t think she has ALZ. I asked her why she thought that, to which she replied, ''Because I remember too much''.

*sigh* In reality, I suppose it''s not really hurting anything, so I''m not going to argue the issue. And I will order the new health supplement someone recommended she take for ALZ, ''just in case*.

Hi Ellen sweetie,

First, yes my mom said we physically had to go. I agree with everything you said. I guess I was so tired and drained from our friends funeral and my mom doing another controlling thing, I was just crabby last night and what she threw at us, hit me the wrong way.

I don''t know if she is going to have it written up or not. She said she was, but my bro and I can''t see her actually doing that to us, being she knows my health issues. My bro called me this morning and I told him, just go along with her and he said he will and was planning to. He told her Sunday, we all would rather go to Lake Tahoe. It was my parents favorite place in the world and where they spent their honeymoon. We all love it there too, but she said NO.... Disneyland!! HA!!!

I am sorry about your mom. People don''t want to accept what they have. I don''t think I would either. I am sending you a great big hug my friend. Oh no another supplement????????????

Linda

 

[Skippy123]

Linda, just another thought, what about going in the winter if possible? Sorry, I hope I am not getting too personal, please forgive me if I am.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/18/2008 6:02:08 PM
Author: Linda W




Hi Ellen sweetie,

First, yes my mom said we physically had to go. I agree with everything you said. I guess I was so tired and drained from our friends funeral and my mom doing another controlling thing, I was just crabby last night and what she threw at us, hit me the wrong way.

I don''t know if she is going to have it written up or not. She said she was, but my bro and I can''t see her actually doing that to us, being she knows my health issues. My bro called me this morning and I told him, just go along with her and he said he will and was planning to. He told her Sunday, we all would rather go to Lake Tahoe. It was my parents favorite place in the world and where they spent their honeymoon. We all love it there too, but she said NO.... Disneyland!! HA!!!

I am sorry about your mom. People don''t want to accept what they have. I don''t think I would either. I am sending you a great big hug my friend. Oh no another supplement????????????

Linda

Oh good, I really think that''s the easiest/best thing to do right now. But I wonder why she''s so set on DL?? lol Well, bless you guys for "giving" her what she wants.

And, I''ve looked at some of the hotels there before, they look really nice. I wouldn''t mind going in your place and hanging out at some opulent pool sipping drinks with little umbrellas in them all day....

And yes, yet another supplement. I''m sure it''s not the last either. *sigh* lol

 

[Linda W]

Skippy,

Of course you are not getting too personal. That is an option. My bro and hubby hate crowds and are not interested on going on any rides. That is a problem too. I guess we will just see what happens. It is always crowded there.

We have been there a few times at different times of the year, it is always the same and I refused to be pushed around in a wheelchair

tee hee.

 

[Linda W]

She is doing Disneyland for the grandboys. The youngest one can''t walk around a lot either. He tires really quick and has lung issues. She said we can get a wheelchair for him too. ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can''t win can we???


How many supplements is you mom taking now???

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/18/2008 6:16:52 PM
Author: Linda W
She is doing Disneyland for the grandboys. The youngest one can''t walk around a lot either. He tires really quick and has lung issues. She said we can get a wheelchair for him too. ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can''t win can we???


How many supplements is you mom taking now???

Apparently not!!

I honestly am not sure. It''s somewhere around 15, give or take a couple.

I wish I had the money she spends on this stuff, I could take a nice yearly vacation (after adding up the cost for Jan-June of this year). Not kidding, these things aren''t cheap.

 

[Ellen]

Ok, I need advice here guys. As I posted in my last update, my mom is still in denial. What I didn''t post, is that shortly after I discovered this, I had a convo with my brother, and realized HE is still in denial too. Now, that''s not that big of a problem, at this very moment, but I forsee it could be.

I went to see the Assisted living place my mom wants to eventually live in. It''s really nice, and they do lots of things for the residents. They were having a luau the day I was there.

Anywho, I talked at length with the gal who gave me a tour. She brought up a point I hadn''t thought about. I had said mom wasn''t ready, and I didn''t feel it was time to push yet. One problem is though, she seems to be entertaining the idea a bit less about leaving home. How much less, I don''t know. It''s tricky bringing it up.

The gal mentioned that with ALZ, it might be better to get her in there before she''s TOO bad, so she gets acclimated to a different environment, and I realize this is a valid point. Also, ever since mom was diagnosed in April, she has stopped calling me about how to work her new remote/TV programming. She now call the cable company. I know why she''s doing this, she doesn''t want to "reinforce" the fact that there''s a problem. I also worry about her doing something harmful and not telling me. I know she''s burned up at least one pot, maybe two (and this has been awhile ago). I don''t know if she''d tell me now if something else bad happened, for the same reason. (remember, she''s legally blind also)

My point is, I really think she ought to get in there before something happens/she gets too bad. But if my brother is in denial too, I have no back up. What do I do? She has a DR. appt. in October. I just picked up new patient papers to fill out and mail back. Should I put in there that she is in denial, explain, and see if he thinks suggesting an AL in the near future is a good idea? Her nuero guy that we saw in April said that, though I doubt she remembers. But if the new guy said it, and I remind her the other guy said it, maybe it would help? Ya think?

Sorry for rambling, I just feel like I am up against brick walls here.....My brother was in denial when my dad was dying, among other things. I''m getting tired of him not admitting things that are going on. *sigh*

 

[Linda W]

Ellen,

You poor thing, I''m sorry you are deciding what to do by yourself. My brother was in denial about my parents for a long time (my dad also), but has finally come around to my mother, just last year.

I agree with you, it is better she be placed in a facility now, so she gets used to it. One of my close friends, just went through this very same thing with her aunt (she is the only relative). After she placed her aunt, she began to go show more symptoms, so it was best she is where she is.

I would hate like you, to have your mother harm herself, or take more of her meds, then she is required to take. Even burn herself with her pots and pans.

Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Ellen,
I am so sorry!! You have so much on your plate. I think it''s a great idea to get your Mom into assisted living now. That way she will have time to get used to it, before she gets worse. I did the same thing with Nanny. She was there for 8 years, and it became HOME to her. The people that worked there were wonderful and became part of our "family". I pray your brother comes around and will be supportive of you as you face the journey ahead with your Mom.

HUGS!!!

Lisa

 

[Linda W]

Ellen,

I forgot to mention. My dad was in one, 12 months before he passed away. It was really hard for my mom to take care of him then. It was a beautiful place and they took really good care of him. We did bring him home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter and holidays. On Sundays they had a piano player. My dad had a beautiful voice and would be the "star" singing for everyone. HA.

I am sure your mother would get used to it, and grow to love it there, she would most likely meet new friends.

Hugs and a kiss to you my dear friend,

Linda

 

[jcrow]

oh ellen! i think that can be the hardest part. dealing with family that are in denial. ignoring the problems building up. brushing it under the rug. so utterly frustrating. hugs to you.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:10:08 PM
Author: Linda W
Ellen,

You poor thing, I''m sorry you are deciding what to do by yourself. My brother was in denial about my parents for a long time (my dad also), but has finally come around to my mother, just last year.

I agree with you, it is better she be placed in a facility now, so she gets used to it. One of my close friends, just went through this very same thing with her aunt (she is the only relative). After she placed her aunt, she began to go show more symptoms, so it was best she is where she is.

I would hate like you, to have your mother harm herself, or take more of her meds, then she is required to take. Even burn herself with her pots and pans.

Linda

I honestly don''t hold out a lot of hope that mine will Linda. Seriously, my brother didn''t "get" that my dad was dying, until the day before he died. I''m not kidding.

No worries about taking too many meds, she isn''t on any, just health supplements. Though, I suppose one could take too many of something to have a reaction. Better check on that....

The thing is too, she''s so bored, and rightly so. I''ve tried to tell her how much company she would have at her fingertips, and she says she realizes that. But, I guess it''s hard to let go of your home, even if it''s for the best all around. I don''t know, it''s like I told the gal, at 82 you''d think she''d be ready to let others wait on her. Hell, I am.

Thanks you!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:18:47 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Ellen,
I am so sorry!! You have so much on your plate. I think it''s a great idea to get your Mom into assisted living now. That way she will have time to get used to it, before she gets worse. I did the same thing with Nanny. She was there for 8 years, and it became HOME to her. The people that worked there were wonderful and became part of our ''family''. I pray your brother comes around and will be supportive of you as you face the journey ahead with your Mom.

HUGS!!!

Lisa

If I can just get her there! Thank Lisa!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:22:33 PM
Author: Linda W
Ellen,

I forgot to mention. My dad was in one, 12 months before he passed away. It was really hard for my mom to take care of him then. It was a beautiful place and they took really good care of him. We did bring him home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter and holidays. On Sundays they had a piano player. My dad had a beautiful voice and would be the ''star'' singing for everyone. HA.

I am sure your mother would get used to it, and grow to love it there, she would most likely meet new friends.

Hugs and a kiss to you my dear friend,

Linda

Yes, I really think so too Linda. I have to figure out a way to convince her....

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:23:38 PM
Author: jcrow
oh ellen! i think that can be the hardest part. dealing with family that are in denial. ignoring the problems building up. brushing it under the rug. so utterly frustrating. hugs to you.

Yes. And at this point, I just want to yell at my brother. I love him dearly, I really do, but I have just about had it. I had to deal with my dad all by myself, but I just can''t do it with my mom.

Thank you j!

 

[Linda W]

Ellen, my dad didn''t want to leave his house either. I''ll never forget how he cried when we drove him to the home. I still get tears in my eyes. But.... he knew my mom couldn''t take care of him anymore. He was slowly dying. Once he was there (his memory was starting to deteriorate he had dementia) he liked it.

I hope your mom will reconsider I know it would be the best thing for her, to be around other people.

I know I''ll never get my mom in one, she has already stated that fact. sheesh. she will be 82 in February

Maybe if you keep telling her, how she will enjoy it and meet so many new people. They have a lot of activities too


Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/21/2008 3:32:34 PM
Author: Linda W
Ellen, my dad didn't want to leave his house either. I'll never forget how he cried when we drove him to the home. I still get tears in my eyes. But.... he knew my mom couldn't take care of him anymore. He was slowly dying. Once he was there (his memory was starting to deteriorate he had dementia) he liked it.

I hope your mom will reconsider I know it would be the best thing for her, to be around other people.

I know I'll never get my mom in one, she has already stated that fact. sheesh. she will be 82 in February

Maybe if you keep telling her, how she will enjoy it and meet so many new people. They have a lot of activities too


Linda

Aw, I can imagine how sad that was Linda.

I just had a "Eureeka" moment! Another point that I can make, is that she will get more mental stimulation being around other people/doing things/going out to various places. That has been said to help keep the brain from deteriorating so fast (something she agrees with as well).