Caring for the elderly.

[Linda W]

Lisa,

I am so sorry your mom isn''t feeling well and hope she is on the road to recovery.

I second what Ellen said. When my dad first start showing signs of dementia, he slowly started to forget things also. You will have to watch out for the signs now, it may be coming on slowly with him.

I am sending you a great big hug my friend, you are so special. You have so much on your plate with taking care of both of your parents.


Linda

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/25/2008 10:02:58 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/25/2008 9:24:39 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 8/25/2008 9:11:39 PM
Author: Skippy123

Lisa, I am sorry about your mom. I am sorry, that is pretty crappy; can you ask why he doesn''t remember or what do you think? I would be frustrated! Very strange.

Once Mom is better, I will ask him Skippy. I think part of it is denial, part of it is that he pretends to not remember. Hard to say really. He''s one of those guys where it''s all about him. Like we never talk about me till the very end of the convo and by then his attention span is gonzo.

I think that''s possible Lisa. And, he actually may have forgotten some things. I''m sorry.

He''s smart as a fox. But yes it''s possible that all he has going on he chooses to forget. Who knows, I just wanted to rate on his radar, yanno? This happened long before now, I just figured since he''s older now, with nothing to hide from, he''d be more real. I am all about being real.
My Aunt had dinner with them. She said Mom was true to form, caring only on who was wearing what. This was sad as they were having dinner with another woman who just lost her husband. So shallow, so sad. As if when you die, You can say, well she dressed well. I went to help her when she was in pain. I told her I had problems when I had my teeth done, and gave her advice. I think she took that in. But was quick to say, I love those pants you are wearing, who are they? I wanted to scream......

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/25/2008 11:02:30 PM
Author: Linda W
Lisa,

I am so sorry your mom isn''t feeling well and hope she is on the road to recovery.

I second what Ellen said. When my dad first start showing signs of dementia, he slowly started to forget things also. You will have to watch out for the signs now, it may be coming on slowly with him.

I am sending you a great big hug my friend, you are so special. You have so much on your plate with taking care of both of your parents.


Linda

Thanks sweetie, hugs back to you too!! I love this thread, we all get to help one another!! Thank you Ellen for starting it. I am hoping it gets a sticky. I had to sift through 3 pages to find it tonight. I know this thread helps many!!!

 

[Linda W]

Lisa, just type in caring for the elderly in the search section, and it pops up, that is what I do.


Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/25/2008 11:26:54 PM
Author: Kaleigh
He''s smart as a fox. But yes it''s possible that all he has going on he chooses to forget. Who knows, I just wanted to rate on his radar, yanno? This happened long before now, I just figured since he''s older now, with nothing to hide from, he''d be more real. I am all about being real.
My Aunt had dinner with them. She said Mom was true to form, caring only on who was wearing what. This was sad as they were having dinner with another woman who just lost her husband. So shallow, so sad. As if when you die, You can say, well she dressed well. I went to help her when she was in pain. I told her I had problems when I had my teeth done, and gave her advice. I think she took that in. But was quick to say, I love those pants you are wearing, who are they? I wanted to scream......

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/26/2008 9:07:57 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/25/2008 11:26:54 PM
Author: Kaleigh
He's smart as a fox. But yes it's possible that all he has going on he chooses to forget. Who knows, I just wanted to rate on his radar, yanno? This happened long before now, I just figured since he's older now, with nothing to hide from, he'd be more real. I am all about being real.
My Aunt had dinner with them. She said Mom was true to form, caring only on who was wearing what. This was sad as they were having dinner with another woman who just lost her husband. So shallow, so sad. As if when you die, You can say, well she dressed well. I went to help her when she was in pain. I told her I had problems when I had my teeth done, and gave her advice. I think she took that in. But was quick to say, I love those pants you are wearing, who are they? I wanted to scream......

Oh Ellen, thank you!! We just get it huh?? I know all the other's get it too.

But look above we got a sticky!!!!!! Yessy we did, woohoo.

Andrey and Ali,
Thank you for this. This thread is keeping me sane. I thank Miss Ellen for starting it.

Being a caregiver is hard work. Having a place to come to for help advice, or some support is Priceless!!!

I know I will be coming here a lot in the days ahead, and if I can help anyone, I will be happy to pay it forward. I have had tons of experience.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/25/2008 11:30:07 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Thanks sweetie, hugs back to you too!! I love this thread, we all get to help one another!! Thank you Ellen for starting it. I am hoping it gets a sticky. I had to sift through 3 pages to find it tonight. I know this thread helps many!!!

Wow, it is sticky! Thanks PS admin & mod, (Andrey and Ali)!!

Sending you a hug dearest Lisa

eta: hehe we were posting at the same time!

 

[Kaleigh]

Skippy,
How is your Mom doing, we haven''t heard about that lately. How is your dad??

 

[Linda W]

Thank You so much Andrey and Ali for the sticky

. We can''t tell you how much we appreciate it and YOU.


Love, Linda

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/28/2008 12:40:16 AM
Author: Kaleigh
Skippy,
How is your Mom doing, we haven't heard about that lately. How is your dad??

Lisa, they are doing well, thank you for asking! They have their little ranch (other home) a few hours aways that they like to get away too, the commute gives me a heart attack but I have them call me to check in so I know they are okay! They will stay up there a week and then come down for a week. I think their little ranch keeps them young at heart.

Sending everyone a huge hug!

How are your parents Lisa?

Ellen and Linda, your mom's?

 

[Ellen]

Andrey and Ali, thank you for making this a sticky!

Skippy, that''s so nice they have a get away! I hope we have one of those some day.

My mom''s fine. Went to the third of 6 dental visits this AM, she''s having a partial made. Not bad to just now need one, considering she''s never had the strongest of teeth. And she''s dealing with all of it much better than I thought she would. It''s kinda funny (not ha ha), but I think the ALZ has taken some of the irritations away that normally would have gotten to her a bit. It''s a good thing!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/28/2008 2:09:45 PM
Author: Ellen
Andrey and Ali, thank you for making this a sticky!

Skippy, that's so nice they have a get away! I hope we have one of those some day.

My mom's fine. Went to the third of 6 dental visits this AM, she's having a partial made. Not bad to just now need one, considering she's never had the strongest of teeth. And she's dealing with all of it much better than I thought she would. It's kinda funny (not ha ha), but I think the ALZ has taken some of the irritations away that normally would have gotten to her a bit. It's a good thing!

Wow, that is interesting and insightful of you and makes sense.

I am glad she is doing okay, that doesn't sound fun. You are a good daughter El

You will have a get away! The house use to be my grandmas but they have done a lot to it; I haven't been up there for at least 4 years. I should go but it is a little too quiet for me. hehe

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/28/2008 2:27:47 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/28/2008 2:09:45 PM
Author: Ellen
Andrey and Ali, thank you for making this a sticky!

Skippy, that''s so nice they have a get away! I hope we have one of those some day.

My mom''s fine. Went to the third of 6 dental visits this AM, she''s having a partial made. Not bad to just now need one, considering she''s never had the strongest of teeth. And she''s dealing with all of it much better than I thought she would. It''s kinda funny (not ha ha), but I think the ALZ has taken some of the irritations away that normally would have gotten to her a bit. It''s a good thing!

Wow, that is interesting and insightful of you and makes sense.

I am glad she is doing okay, that doesn''t sound fun. You are a good daughter El

You will have a get away! The house use to be my grandmas but they have done a lot to it; I haven''t been up there for at least 4 years. I should go but it is a little too quiet for me. hehe

I hope so. We both want one, but hubby wants property with a lake so badly. Especially after we lost out on that other place I told you about.

And thank you miss!

 

[Linda W]

Ellen,

So glad your mom did ok today at the dentist, that is great to hear. When are you leaving for your little trip?


Skippy: Great to hear that your mom is doing wonderful too and that they are enjoying themselves at the ranch.


Linda

 

[Skippy123]

Thank you sweet Linda. how are you doing? Any trips coming up? hehe How are the grandboys?

 

[Linda W]

Hi Skippy cutie pie

No trips coming up. Hubby is sick with a bad cold, so is my daughter and the boys. I do hope I don''t catch it. I have been taking my vitamins and a lot of Vitamin C. Seems like every one around here has been catching colds lately and it is 108 degrees here today. ICK!!! We are having another heat wave. I detest this hot weather.

I think I will fly to Wyoming and stay with Marcy for awhile, until it cools down.

BTW, I bet you can''t wait to go to New Zealand and Australia in 2 years. What a gorgeous trip that will be.

 

[Skippy123]

Linda, oh no

I hope you don't get sick sweetheart; I hope they feel better soon!!! I will cross my fingers and toes for you! Oh thanks, you are always so sweet!
108, yikes! I bet Marcy would love to see you, it is cooler here, like in the high 80's so come out here; I would love to see you!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:53:31 PM
Author: Linda W
Ellen,

So glad your mom did ok today at the dentist, that is great to hear. When are you leaving for your little trip?


Skippy: Great to hear that your mom is doing wonderful too and that they are enjoying themselves at the ranch.


Linda

Linda, I'm so sorry, I wasn't ignoring you! I forget to check in sometimes.

We will leave the 18th of September, and come back the 21st. I'm so psyched, we get to be alone.

p.s. And I hope you don't get sick either!!

 

[Linda W]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Ellen, I treasure that alone time too. We don''t have that anymore... but.... I do love having the grandboys living here. Now the son-in-law is staying here a lot. We are NOT too happy about that. They are back together, but not living together yet.

To be honest, we wish she would have "ditched" him, but it is her choice. We can only hope he won''t hurt her or the boys again, by walking out.

Your mini vacation sounds wonderful. Hope I don''t get sick too. Everyone is sick here, but me. The boys are better though and my daughter.


Love, Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/30/2008 2:36:39 PM
Author: Linda W
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Ellen, I treasure that alone time too. We don''t have that anymore... but.... I do love having the grandboys living here. Now the son-in-law is staying here a lot. We are NOT too happy about that. They are back together, but not living together yet.

To be honest, we wish she would have ''ditched'' him, but it is her choice. We can only hope he won''t hurt her or the boys again, by walking out.

Your mini vacation sounds wonderful. Hope I don''t get sick too. Everyone is sick here, but me. The boys are better though and my daughter.


Love, Linda

Aw, I feel for you. It is so tough to sit back and let kids do what they want, when you think they''re doing the wrong thing. But it''s the right thing to do, they learn best from their own choices, not from us telling them what we''d do. Hang in there.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 8/30/2008 3:08:18 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 8/30/2008 2:36:39 PM

Author: Linda W

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Ellen, I treasure that alone time too. We don''t have that anymore... but.... I do love having the grandboys living here. Now the son-in-law is staying here a lot. We are NOT too happy about that. They are back together, but not living together yet.


To be honest, we wish she would have ''ditched'' him, but it is her choice. We can only hope he won''t hurt her or the boys again, by walking out.



Your mini vacation sounds wonderful. Hope I don''t get sick too. Everyone is sick here, but me. The boys are better though and my daughter.



Love, Linda

Aw, I feel for you. It is so tough to sit back and let kids do what they want, when you think they''re doing the wrong thing. But it''s the right thing to do, they learn best from their own choices, not from us telling them what we''d do. Hang in there.

I try, but is hard to keep my mouth shut.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 8/30/2008 3:13:18 PM
Author: Linda W





I try, but is hard to keep my mouth shut.

Trust me, I know.

(I mean me!)

 

[Linda W]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to check in to see how everyone was doing.


I am having another problem with my mother. We went to visit her and are going again tomorrow. Her latest thing is to pick on my grandchildren. She loves and adores them, so her doing this is something new.

I know she doesn''t feel well, but I would rather her pick at me, instead of them.

She tells them, she doesn''t like their clothes, their hair cuts, their shoes, etc.

It was so bad at the last visit, DH and I cut the visit short. Not to mention she really hurt the boys feelings.

She called me this morning and told me to be sure the oldest one got a hair cut, before we brought them over. Mind you, it is just starting to grow from the last hair cut.

I told her in a kind way, to please not "pick" on them. She really got upset and said she wasn''t. When my grandmother was aging, she used to do the same thing and it really irked my mother. I don''t know what else to say to her. Any ideas my friends???


Love, Linda

 

[Linda W]

I forgot to mention, that I did explain to the boys that their great-grandmother is getting older and sometimes says things, that she doesn''t mean.

It was still hard, at their young age to understand.



Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/5/2008 4:04:12 PM
Author: Linda W
Hi everyone,

Just wanted to check in to see how everyone was doing.


I am having another problem with my mother. We went to visit her and are going again tomorrow. Her latest thing is to pick on my grandchildren. She loves and adores them, so her doing this is something new.

I know she doesn''t feel well, but I would rather her pick at me, instead of them.

She tells them, she doesn''t like their clothes, their hair cuts, their shoes, etc.

It was so bad at the last visit, DH and I cut the visit short. Not to mention she really hurt the boys feelings.

She called me this morning and told me to be sure the oldest one got a hair cut, before we brought them over. Mind you, it is just starting to grow from the last hair cut.

I told her in a kind way, to please not ''pick'' on them. She really got upset and said she wasn''t. When my grandmother was aging, she used to do the same thing and it really irked my mother. I don''t know what else to say to her. Any ideas my friends???


Love, Linda

This is most likely the cause Linda. My dad got that way the last year really, but it worsened the last few moths. He didn''t take it out on my boys though, he took it out on me. I let most of it go, but did finally have a talk one day, after he hurt my feelings really badly. I don''t think he knew how bad he had been, as he started crying and apologized. But, within a couple weeks, he was back at it.

I just had to keep telling myself that he was dying, and most likely was mad and felt like hell. I may be in that position someday, can''t say I won''t be the same, though I hope not.

I would have another talk with her, and while I would try to be nice, I would lay it out there. Though you and I know you shouldn''t have to, explain how she may be hurting their feelings, that they are too young to understand the situation entirely. And ask her if this is how she wants them to remember her. Hopefully she cares enough that it is not, and she stops. If she doesn''t, I suppose you could tell her you''re not going to bring the boys around, but not sure if you really want to do that.

Wish I had a pat answer for you sweetie. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Linda W]

Thanks Ellen I know that is the reason too. If I lay it on the line to her, I know she will really blow up.

We aren''t going over there today, changed it to next week. The reason?? The boys don''t want to. They told me last night, she isn''t nice to them. It really upset me and made me sad. I explained to them again, she is getting old and doesn''t feel well and is getting crabby. I put it in their terms, to make them understand.

I also explained to them to help them understand that when they don''t feel well that they get crabby and that helped them understand a little. I will have a talk with my mom about it again. My brother is going over there to day and he will have a talk with her too.

The boys are always dressed nicely, so I don''t know what she is complaining about. She feels they should be wearing little polo shirts with their shorts, instead of tee shirts. For Pete''s sake, it is hot out and summer time and it is blazing hot here.

My dad also was crabby, but it was in a funny way to me. He still made me laugh, which in turn made him laugh.

I would always tell him not to be crabby to me, I was a cancer survivor and he would then laugh and say oh yes that is right, remember how I would sit with you in the hospital??? Bless his heart, this month, he will be gone 4 years.

How is your mom Ellen????????''''


Hugs to you my dear friend, how I so want to meet you .


Love, Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/6/2008 2:15:08 PM
Author: Linda W
Thanks Ellen I know that is the reason too. If I lay it on the line to her, I know she will really blow up.

We aren''t going over there today, changed it to next week. The reason?? The boys don''t want to. They told me last night, she isn''t nice to them. It really upset me and made me sad. I explained to them again, she is getting old and doesn''t feel well and is getting crabby. I put it in their terms, to make them understand.

I also explained to them to help them understand that when they don''t feel well that they get crabby and that helped them understand a little. I will have a talk with my mom about it again. My brother is going over there to day and he will have a talk with her too.

The boys are always dressed nicely, so I don''t know what she is complaining about. She feels they should be wearing little polo shirts with their shorts, instead of tee shirts. For Pete''s sake, it is hot out and summer time and it is blazing hot here.

My dad also was crabby, but it was in a funny way to me. He still made me laugh, which in turn made him laugh.

I would always tell him not to be crabby to me, I was a cancer survivor and he would then laugh and say oh yes that is right, remember how I would sit with you in the hospital??? Bless his heart, this month, he will be gone 4 years.

How is your mom Ellen????????''


Hugs to you my dear friend, how I so want to meet you .


Love, Linda

There you go, you should tell her that Linda. Out of the mouths of babes...

Mom is doing ok. She had another bout with Vertigo the other night. She''s been getting this the last few years. And she has exercise she does to help stave it off, but had not been doing them. I told her it needs to be an ongoing thing, or she''s going to keep getting it. Other than that, about the same.


And hopefully we will meet someday friend!

 

[Kaleigh]

Linda,
I am so sorry your Mom is being so mean. She probably doesn't mean it, as she isn't feeling well. I think you did the right thing, by not going to visit, the boys just don't need the negativity. I hope that your missed visit will be an eye opener for her. I know, with my Nanny, she could be that way with my kids. It was painful indeed. I explained to them, it was just about her, nothing to do with them. Yes I got a lot of meaness from her, and some days I just would take a pass. Only to get a phone call, where are you, is something wrong?? I'd go and speak my mind, and then all would be well for the time being. Gosh it's a hard balance, never ending. You hate to be firm, but would lose all your sanity of you weren't.

Wishing you all the best going foward, it's a delicate balance. I perfected that, but still, was driven nuts in the process..

Take care of you, sounds like those wonderful boys are your saving grace. That's awesome!!!!

 

[diamondfan]

Linda, I am sorry. Sometimes older people fixate on silly things like an item of clothing and lose site of what is vital, the fact that you all come to see her.

It is hard to make kids want to spend their time this way. Yes, she is their elder and such, but still, if you were young and felt she was not nice, you would not want to go either.

Trust me, my mother in law is such a nasty one and my middle son totally gets it. It makes things tough, because on one hand you are trying to teach them respect and to do the right thing but nasty is nasty. I think it is good you make it real to them, like, hey, when you do not feel so well sometimes you get a bit cranky too. Again, they should not have to be made to deal all the time, but sometimes, we have to do things we would rather not, and to tell them about being cranky which all kids have their moments, I think it makes it more real to them.

 

[Linda W]

Lisa and Caroline: Thank you so much. I talked to my mom this morning and told her we are bringing the boys over next Saturday. She was really happy. So...... we will see how it goes. They won''t be wearing little polo shirts with shorts, HA!! I hope she acts better this time.

The looks on their faces when she insults them, is enough to break my heart in heart.


Lisa: Funny thing is, I have always been intimidated by my mother. Even at my age HA!!! She always taught us to respect her and never talk back. I still have a hard time being firm with her. She gets really upset.

Now my brother has an easier time, more so then I do.


Love to you both,

Linda