Caring for the elderly.

[Kaleigh]

I am typing from my Husband''s mac, not loving it. My computer crashed today. My dad made an attack visit on me this morning. I am not a morning person.

I was listening to my friend who was interviewed on the radio. It was a big deal. I didn''t answer the door, if I did I would have missed her interview. He pounded and pounded. My dogs were barking. I just am floored. He obviously wanted to talk about this scam, and to tell me why my brain is flawed in not believing in it..

I feel like a prisoner in my own house. My husband went over there tonight, to tell him enough already. I don''t have the strength to have a huge fight right now.

My Aunt had a frank talk with him later today. I said, I am at wits end, and am one step from losing it.

I''ll check in with more craziness once I have a computer. I am blessed to have my Aunt, and my husband. I think, if I told anyone else the story, they wouldn''t believe it. Well they would but wouldn''t get why anyone would fall for such a scam...

Sending all of you hugs!!! We all have it in different ways, but none the less, it''s stress and weighs heavy on our hearts and minds.

Peace out,
xxoo
Lisa

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

I feel so sorry for you and all of the stress you are facing. I am sending you a big fat hug.

I hope you get a new computer soon.

Love to you,
Linda
xoxoxoxoxox

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks Linda,

I am trying to have a good attitude about all of this. I guess his antics never cease to amaze me.

I am hoping to be back online soon, my computer guy is coming tomorrow. YAY for that, hehe.

HUGS back to you. I needed an extra hug tonight.

 

[Ellen]

Lisa, I can''t tell you the number of times I''ve had to do stuff with/for my mom, at the most inopportune times. It just kind of comes with the territory. I know that doesn''t change anything, but wanted you to know you''re not alone. I feel your frustration. It''s hard when there is only 1 caregiver, plus, your dad isn''t rational, that just compounds things.

Hang in there sweetie!


p.s. Are you going to try and get him on some meds with another doc?

 

[Linda W]

I hope he can get meds from another Dr.

We found out my dad was hiding his meds. I found them by accident.

I went in the cabinet to take some Tylenol and guess what??? No tylenol, just filled with dads meds. My mom was so pissed at him. He was spitting them out and hiding them in an old tylenol bottle. What a stinker.

Lisa, please let us know, how things go. We are really concerned about you.

Love you lots,
Linda
xoxoxoxoxoxox

 

[Kaleigh]

I'm back with a new computer, woohoo. The other one will be fixed and used as a back up, or may take it to FLA...

Thanks Linda and Ellen.

I could try to get him to a new Doc, and get him on better medication. BUT he says he's fine. Yeah, he's flying high right now. He wouldn't go if I begged him to.

I need to let some time pass before I jump back in. I don't like being told I am so F*** stupid. That I have ears but don't use them to listen. Blah blah blah.

I know it's the illness talking, but it's also a little bit of how he treated me when I was little. So it's hurtful either way.

Enough about me, how are you guys doing??

 

[Linda W]

Lisa,

Does he suffer from manic depression? My dad did and was on meds for it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Yes he has manic depression. I know there are great meds for it. It''s getting him to agree to go to a Doc.... That''s the hard part.

 

[Linda W]

Well, I wish he would for your sake, as well as his.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/26/2008 1:41:49 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Yes he has manic depression. I know there are great meds for it. It''s getting him to agree to go to a Doc.... That''s the hard part.

Is there anyone he does seem to listen to/respect? that could talk to him?

I doubt trying to give him the worst case scenario would help much (what could happen if he doesn''t get on meds), but I guess you could try. Does he care enough that if you told him he''s jeapordizing your moms care, he might listen? I''m grasping here, but trying to think of things that might shake him up enough to get help....

I don''t know Lisa, it''s tough, because I know that most mentally ill people think it''s everyone else and not them. I would be getting in touch with a lawyer soon, I have a feeling you may need one...

{{big hugs}} And yay for the new puter!!



Linda, wow, your dad was a stinker indeed.

 

[Linda W]

Ha!!! Yes he was Ellen. Once he was caught that was the end of that. He had a wonderful sense of humor, I miss him terribly.


Linda

 

[Ellen]

Date: 9/26/2008 3:07:10 PM
Author: Linda W
Ha!!! Yes he was Ellen. Once he was caught that was the end of that. He had a wonderful sense of humor, I miss him terribly.


Linda

 

[justjulia]

Date: 9/25/2008 11:00:18 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am typing from my Husband''s mac, not loving it. My computer crashed today. My dad made an attack visit on me this morning. I am not a morning person.

I was listening to my friend who was interviewed on the radio. It was a big deal. I didn''t answer the door, if I did I would have missed her interview. He pounded and pounded. My dogs were barking. I just am floored. He obviously wanted to talk about this scam, and to tell me why my brain is flawed in not believing in it..

I feel like a prisoner in my own house. My husband went over there tonight, to tell him enough already. I don''t have the strength to have a huge fight right now.

My Aunt had a frank talk with him later today. I said, I am at wits end, and am one step from losing it.

I''ll check in with more craziness once I have a computer. I am blessed to have my Aunt, and my husband. I think, if I told anyone else the story, they wouldn''t believe it. Well they would but wouldn''t get why anyone would fall for such a scam...

Sending all of you hugs!!! We all have it in different ways, but none the less, it''s stress and weighs heavy on our hearts and minds.

Peace out,
xxoo
Lisa

It''s been a hectic week; just now checking in.

Lisa, get the lawyer on it now. Detach yourself emotionally. Get on auto pilot.
I say this with the ease of someone who is able to look backwards after coming out. I still have flashbacks of events and bits of conversation that are just awful, but somehow in there I just kicked into another warp and did what had to be done.
You can''t go down with this ship.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/26/2008 9:51:57 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 9/25/2008 11:00:18 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I am typing from my Husband's mac, not loving it. My computer crashed today. My dad made an attack visit on me this morning. I am not a morning person.

I was listening to my friend who was interviewed on the radio. It was a big deal. I didn't answer the door, if I did I would have missed her interview. He pounded and pounded. My dogs were barking. I just am floored. He obviously wanted to talk about this scam, and to tell me why my brain is flawed in not believing in it..

I feel like a prisoner in my own house. My husband went over there tonight, to tell him enough already. I don't have the strength to have a huge fight right now.

My Aunt had a frank talk with him later today. I said, I am at wits end, and am one step from losing it.

I'll check in with more craziness once I have a computer. I am blessed to have my Aunt, and my husband. I think, if I told anyone else the story, they wouldn't believe it. Well they would but wouldn't get why anyone would fall for such a scam...

Sending all of you hugs!!! We all have it in different ways, but none the less, it's stress and weighs heavy on our hearts and minds.

Peace out,
xxoo
Lisa

It's been a hectic week; just now checking in.

Lisa, get the lawyer on it now. Detach yourself emotionally. Get on auto pilot.
I say this with the ease of someone who is able to look backwards after coming out. I still have flashbacks of events and bits of conversation that are just awful, but somehow in there I just kicked into another warp and did what had to be done.
You can't go down with this ship.

JJ,
I hear you. That's our plan.

 

[Ellen]

So I took mom to the new neuro guy today. To start with, they said they never received her records from the other guy. That would have helped tremendously, obviously. He gave her a quick test by asking her some questions (seriously, they were SO basic, i.e. where are you, what date is it, day of the week, year, etc.), along with having to remember 3 words in the middle of them all, then had to recite the words at the end, which she did. His conclusion at that point, was that she doesn't have ALZ. And of course she agreed.

I'm thinking, ok, the doctor in St. Louis has seen her for almost 25 years, he is a head on the ALZ research board at a very well respected hospital, and he says she does (as much as anyone can say). Besides the fact she is forgetting stuff all the time.... Who's right?

So then as he talks, he changes it to, I can't say you don't have it, but from these test results it's not indicative. If you were in the advanced stages, you couldn't recall those words. Now I'm thinking, ok, that's a lot different from what you said a few minutes ago....


He has ordered her to have some test that lasts 3 hours, she'll love that. And I guess he will know more between those results, and her records. Which btw, were found immediately after we left the office. I had a message on my macine they were sitting on the receptionist's desk right in front of her.

She goes back in Dec.



Oh, and she now weighs 105, down 7 lbs in the last 6 months. She isn't ready to see a doctor about it yet, she thinks it all has to do with this "lifestyle of eating" she's been on (which she has stopped to a certain degree). I said mom, you have 105 lbs. on a 5'8" (albeit shrinking) frame. Just when would YOU say it's time to see someone? When a good west wind blows you away?? She decided a couple more lbs. and it's time to call. I'm calling my brother tonight.

 

[Linda W]

Geez, Ellen what is that new neuro thinking and what a dingbat receptionist!!! Your moms file right in front of her???

I would definitely go by what her other doctor says that she does have ALZ. I so hate when you have to see a different doctor and they change things on you.

I am glad you are calling your brother tonight. I would be worried sick about her weight. Something is just not right.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 10/7/2008 3:24:03 PM
Author: Linda W
Geez, Ellen what is that new neuro thinking and what a dingbat receptionist!!! Your moms file right in front of her???

I would definitely go by what her other doctor says that she does have ALZ. I so hate when you have to see a different doctor and they change things on you.

I am glad you are calling your brother tonight. I would be worried sick about her weight. Something is just not right.

Yeah, I'm certainly not taking this guys word for it right now. We'll see after the other testing and him seeing her records what he has to say....

And yes, something is definitely not right with this weight loss.



How is your mom doing Linda?

 

[Linda W]

Thank you for asking Ellen, she is doing OK. Her numbers have not gone down, they have been staying the same. We all have been happy about that. She was convinced she was going to be dead by Christmas, geez

 

[Ellen]

That''s good to hear! I will pray they stay steady.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 10/7/2008 3:12:37 PM
Author: Ellen
So I took mom to the new neuro guy today. To start with, they said they never received her records from the other guy. That would have helped tremendously, obviously. He gave her a quick test by asking her some questions (seriously, they were SO basic, i.e. where are you, what date is it, day of the week, year, etc.), along with having to remember 3 words in the middle of them all, then had to recite the words at the end, which she did. His conclusion at that point, was that she doesn''t have ALZ. And of course she agreed.

I''m thinking, ok, the doctor in St. Louis has seen her for almost 25 years, he is a head on the ALZ research board at a very well respected hospital, and he says she does (as much as anyone can say). Besides the fact she is forgetting stuff all the time.... Who''s right?

So then as he talks, he changes it to, I can''t say you don''t have it, but from these test results it''s not indicative. If you were in the advanced stages, you couldn''t recall those words. Now I''m thinking, ok, that''s a lot different from what you said a few minutes ago....


He has ordered her to have some test that lasts 3 hours, she''ll love that. And I guess he will know more between those results, and her records. Which btw, were found immediately after we left the office. I had a message on my macine they were sitting on the receptionist''s desk right in front of her.

She goes back in Dec.



Oh, and she now weighs 105, down 7 lbs in the last 6 months. She isn''t ready to see a doctor about it yet, she thinks it all has to do with this ''lifestyle of eating'' she''s been on (which she has stopped to a certain degree). I said mom, you have 105 lbs. on a 5''8'' (albeit shrinking) frame. Just when would YOU say it''s time to see someone? When a good west wind blows you away?? She decided a couple more lbs. and it''s time to call. I''m calling my brother tonight.

We had an oncologist visit that went very much this way.
First of all, ALZ has many stages. So, what he is saying is that in the early stages it isn''t ALZ? Give me a break. No duh she wouldn''t be able to recite what she''d heard in its advanced stages. You were there to see if it was the BEGINNING and ways to handle/treat it. ANYONE could tell if it was advanced. I''m sorry but this dr was trying to think on his feet because his receptionist dropped the ball. What a wasted vist.

The weight would worry me. It''s classic ALZ. Classic.
That or, God forbid, cancer.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 10/7/2008 5:33:08 PM
Author: justjulia
We had an oncologist visit that went very much this way.
First of all, ALZ has many stages. So, what he is saying is that in the early stages it isn't ALZ? Give me a break. No duh she wouldn't be able to recite what she'd heard in its advanced stages. You were there to see if it was the BEGINNING and ways to handle/treat it. ANYONE could tell if it was advanced. I'm sorry but this dr was trying to think on his feet because his receptionist dropped the ball. What a wasted vist.

The weight would worry me. It's classic ALZ. Classic.
That or, God forbid, cancer.

Pretty much.

julia, you seem to be implying that this weight loss is normal with ALZ? I have looked that up (the association) and never found anything saying it was.


I talked to my bro, he thinks the loss is most likely due to her not eating enough, plus not having very many teeth at the moment to chew with. (partials on the way, hopefully the lower is ready today). He and mom have always had high metabolisms, and he himself did get rather thin awhile back. Went in for testing, and when all was said and done, it was determined that even though he was eating well, he wasn't eating enough. Doc made him up the caloric intake, and he has put on several pounds. But he has started slacking a bit, (says it's really work to eat that much) and he has started dropping again. So, I am calling a friend of mine who is a nutritionist, to see if I need to get her in and write out a caloric chart of sorts, to tell her what she has to eat in a day.

However, I'm also going to ask her if she thinks mom needs to see a doc also, which I'm thinking she will probably agree. My bro really didn't seem as concerned about it being an illness, but then, that doesn't really surprise me.

The thing is, if all mom needs to do is eat more, how am I supposed to supervise that to make certain she is, which my brother insinuated I should somehow do? I can't go over there for every meal....

 

[justjulia]

Date: 10/8/2008 8:23:27 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 10/7/2008 5:33:08 PM
Author: justjulia
We had an oncologist visit that went very much this way.
First of all, ALZ has many stages. So, what he is saying is that in the early stages it isn't ALZ? Give me a break. No duh she wouldn't be able to recite what she'd heard in its advanced stages. You were there to see if it was the BEGINNING and ways to handle/treat it. ANYONE could tell if it was advanced. I'm sorry but this dr was trying to think on his feet because his receptionist dropped the ball. What a wasted vist.

The weight would worry me. It's classic ALZ. Classic.
That or, God forbid, cancer.

Pretty much.

julia, you seem to be implying that this weight loss is normal with ALZ? I have looked that up (the association) and never found anything saying it was.


I talked to my bro, he thinks the loss is most likely due to her not eating enough, plus not having very many teeth at the moment to chew with. (partials on the way, hopefully the lower is ready today). He and mom have always had high metabolisms, and he himself did get rather thin awhile back. Went in for testing, and when all was said and done, it was determined that even though he was eating well, he wasn't eating enough. Doc made him up the caloric intake, and he has put on several pounds. But he has started slacking a bit, (says it's really work to eat that much) and he has started dropping again. So, I am calling a friend of mine who is a nutritionist, to see if I need to get her in and write out a caloric chart of sorts, to tell her what she has to eat in a day.

However, I'm also going to ask her if she thinks mom needs to see a doc also, which I'm thinking she will probably agree. My bro really didn't seem as concerned about it being an illness, but then, that doesn't really surprise me.

The thing is, if all mom needs to do is eat more, how am I supposed to supervise that to make certain she is, which my brother insinuated I should somehow do? I can't go over there for every meal....

The weight loss is what the doctor told my dh was normal with ALZ (when his mother was diagnosed). I can't remember why- something about forgetting to eat regularly. The issue that was mostly pravalent with dh's mother is that she began to forget who loved ones were--beginning with her children's wives, then grandchildren. She still knows her own adult children. The eating problems began after more serious memory loss.
Maybe your mother just has gradual dementia that comes with aging? The partial will hopefully help.
I don't think you can make sure she is eating-- how would you accomplish that? She is going to eat what she wants. I tried to get my mother to supplement with Boost, etc, but she just didn't like it at all.

 

[Ellen]

Thanks for the info.

No, this isn''t "normal" memory loss, but he did say other things can cause memory loss (though if he meant imbalances, she had a buttload of bloodwork done before diagnosis and all was fine). Something''s wrong, hopefully we find out what, even if it does go back to ALZ.

And yeah, I can''t check in on every meal.. That reminds me, gotta go call the nutritionist.


Thanks again julia, will post when I have new news.

 

[Kaleigh]

Ellen,
I hope they find the source of all of this. HUGS, will be keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Ellen]

Thank you much Lisa.

How are things going with you, I think of you often.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/9/2008 10:56:07 AM
Author: Ellen
Thank you much Lisa.

How are things going with you, I think of you often.

Dad has backed off. He called the other day to check in on us, knowing my husband is going through rough times with the market. His voice sounded shakey. Methinks he''s off his high now. I am glad to have a break for now. Thanks for thinking of me.

 

[justjulia]

How''s everyone doing?

 

[Linda W]

OK on my end Julia, how are you???? My mom is still crabby, which is to be expected.

 

[justjulia]

Everybody's fine here- Thanks for asking Linda. The weather today is a noticable change to chilly fall here and I guess I'm having a little bit of a hard time with it. It marks the beginning of the end of the year; the season when my mother passed away last year. Funny how some things trigger painful thoughts, while others you'd think would, don't.

Crabby mothers take a lot out of us. They certainly do. Remember to keep a sense of humor. (Hind sight is always 20 20--humor is elusive when you're in the middle of it, right?) How's your mother doing?

 

[Ellen]

Date: 10/15/2008 1:03:40 PM
Author: justjulia
How''s everyone doing?

Hey you, love the pic!

Doing ok here, talked to my nutritionist friend, she thinks mom''s just not eating enough, and said that''s typical of older folks. Her mom, who is the same age as mine, is dropping weight too, just not eating as much.

She suggested calling mom''s doc to see when she was in last, and give them a heads up, before just making an appt. and putting her through a bunch of tests. I have been weighing her every week and no more loss, so that''s good.

So that''s all for now, just encouraging her to eat more. Oh, and she has her mental test for the new doc next Monday.