Weight

[Kbell]

I think it is interesting people associate being thin with good sex. That has not always been my personal experience.

I don't associate being "thin" with good sex. I DO associate "confidence" with good sex. There are some amazingly beautiful radiant confident women who no one would call "thin"... they are beautiful. They know their self worth & they exude confidence - that makes them sexy in my opinion. Most men I discuss such things with agree.

I wonder if these women who's husbands have left we're truly happy people that were blindsided... happy to see their spouse when they got home... Happy with themselves whatever weight, enjoying life, and nurturing their relationship - not just with their spouse but with themselves...

A girlfriend of mine had an affair. At 1st I was mortified. She then explained her husband NEVER touched her except when he wanted sex. Never hugged her. Never held her hand. Never touched her arm... her hair... Never cuddled. Never put his arm around her. I gave her a long giant hug & cried. She was so deprived of affection that she stepped outside the marriage to get some. I'm not saying she was right - I'm not going to be that judge - I do see why/how it happened. If he & his friends knew, which they don't, I'm sure the story would be different. There are parts I'm sure I don't know. There are always 3 versions of every story. His, hers, and the truth. I just hugged & hugged her & let her vent. I don't think any different of him or her. No one is perfect. They are still together & in a better place now thankfully!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I understand and agree confidence is important. I was more commenting on society's view of beauty and sex appeal. It's pretty screwed up IMHO. My nine year old has already made negative comments about her body.

 

[kylier]

I think it is interesting people associate being thin with being attractive. Finding thin men attractive has never been personal experience.

+1!

Yay to Kenny for consistently pointing out that a preference for thinnness shouldn't be assumed to be universal just because it seems ubiquitous.
For some men and women, partners with a little more weight are MORE attractive, not less. A lot of them won't say it openly for fear of being mocked or having a fetish, even if they just prefer overweight to underweight.
I have close friends that have gained weight and their husbands PREFER it. I have other close friends who have gained weight and their husbands just love them for them, and feel they are as beautiful as the day they met them. I meet a lot of much older women through my career (late 40s to early 60s) and MANY of them are much curvier than the day they married and a lot of them seem to be with very happy men, at least when I see them together.
THAT BEING SAID***
I think a lot of problems I see with men leaving women and seemingly seeing them as objects arises from **** addictions they'll never admit to and the wife would never guess at. A lot of straight dude classic **** is super misogynistic and reduces women to skinny plastic waifs who are just objects with no feelings.
My ex-husband started being condescending and saying he wasn't attracted, and picking on me for things I couldn't control due to health problems (weight loss due to undiagnosed serious illness) and it turned out he had a massive pornography addiction that had basically hampered his ability to get aroused by anything but ****.
Not saying that's the only reason. The men could be feeling unloved or just plain shallow as well.
So yeah, could be the weight. But I know a lot of dudes who have stuck by heavier women and loved them just the same.

 

[Jambalaya]

Kylier, the friends you describe above, were they clinically obese and did they stay that way for a decade? Clinically obese is a BMI of over 30. So that would be a person of five three/four weighing approx 190lb. There's a difference between a few extra curves and obesity. Even though I'm all about the inner love, even I have to admit there's a difference.

Just trying to understand how left-field my own friends' husbands are. All this has shaken me and opened my eyes. I thought those husbands loved my friends for the way they were. I was talking to my therapist about this issue since we're working on food (I am also very overweight) and I said that these men had ruined their marriages because of lust - i.e. the desire to have sex with someone other than their wives. I said, "It's all about sex." I thought she'd agree that they should love the inner person, but she said, "Well, you don't get married without sex." The implication being that it didn't surprise her that the husbands chose to prioritize a "good" sex life - which for them apparently means a woman who is not clinically obese.

This is a very good article about how and why some men choose sex over family: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cultural-animal/200806/fathers-who-leave

 

[Kbell]

Kylier, the friends you describe above, were they clinically obese and did they stay that way for a decade? Clinically obese is a BMI of over 30. So that would be a person of five three/four weighing approx 190lb. There's a difference between a few extra curves and obesity. Even though I'm all about the inner love, even I have to admit there's a difference.

Just trying to understand how left-field my own friends' husbands are. All this has shaken me and opened my eyes. I thought those husbands loved my friends for the way they were. I was talking to my therapist about this issue since we're working on food (I am also very overweight) and I said that these men had ruined their marriages because of lust - i.e. the desire to have sex with someone other than their wives. I said, "It's all about sex." I thought she'd agree that they should love the inner person, but she said, "Well, you don't get married without sex." The implication being that it didn't surprise her that the husbands chose to prioritize a "good" sex life - which for them apparently means a woman who is not clinically obese.

This is a very good article about how and why some men choose sex over family: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cultural-animal/200806/fathers-who-leave

I don't think it's ever as simple as just about sex. My friend who cheated is probably clinically obese. She always has been. Yet she is the most happy, lively, beautiful, friendly, amazing woman that people radiate to... Full of life and positivity. Her reasons were lack of affection... lack of intimacy...lack of emotional connection & understanding which often go hand & hand with lack of a healthy sex life. It is also possible to still love a person and no longer be attracted to them especially if they are no longer that person you fell in love with... The big difference between friend & lover is the sex & physical/emotional intimacy isn't it? Without it you're more like room mates and sometimes bad room mates...

 

[kylier]

One of my best friends is 220 at 5'2". Her husband can't get enough sexually, even though she has gained probably sixty pounds in the twenty years they've been married. She still struggles with weight and self esteem but having a husband threaten to leave her isn't one of the problems.
With these men who are leaving the mothers of their children over weight I am quite honestly aghast.
And as for self love, I think people have a right to do that at any weight. Even when people say, 'oh, if she had health problems that would be fine, but she's just not trying,' how do they know? There are hidden mental and metabolic causes as well. Society is miserable enough to fat people that most people aren't reveling in it or doing it on purpose, I feel for these women, but these men loving them only if they exhibit a certain type of look, as if they were only a body and nothing more, saddens me.
I have seen men leave their wives when it's not because of weight. In fact, my mom has been worried over the fact that several men in her neighborhood have left their wives for younger women and the wives they left are skinny, stepford wife types who look great. Her best friend that is probably three hundred pounds is happily married for over twenty-five years. Just some of my anecdotal experiences.

 

[lyra]

Maybe there are other communication problems. It's easy to pick on weight. If it's that important to an individual, then maybe they should have had a pre-nup so both parties could agree to the issue. I do know a guy who is cruel to not only his wife, but also his daughter about weight issues. Both are very average weight women. You wouldn't look at either and think overweight. The wife is in her 50's and has always been thin but has just finally relaxed a bit. The daughter now avoids her dad, and moved away in fact. I think some people just have an issue about weight. He is heavy himself, and in general is a miserable person. It's "his" problem IMO, not theirs.

Also, I agree with Kenny. I was never attracted to thin men. Especially thin tall men. I actually preferred short stocky men. I feel the same is true for a lot of men too--they like curves, even big curves.

 

[LLJsmom]

Jambalaya, since you're very interested in this topic...

http://thoughtcatalog.com/eric-redd...ike-when-your-spouse-gets-fat-but-you-dont/2/

I thought it was interesting...

 

[cmd2014]

I think all sorts of ideas here are odd. Like the idea that weight is always under an individual's control (where set point theory, genetics, certain medical conditions/the need to take certain medications would disagree). Or the idea that thin women are happier, more confident, more sexually open/uninhibited, and more fun (where many times this is just not the case). That being overweight automatically means that someone is tired, unmotivated, insecure, and unhealthy (which again, isn't always true, and in fact, being overweight is protective in older age). That thin people are more attractive (not in all cultures, and not even in all North American cultures). That being fat is comparable to all sorts of other obnoxious and health threatening behaviours (when research does not support the idea that all fat people are measurably unhealthy). I also find it interesting how focused all of this in on women, and not on men, and how reluctant people seem to be to say, hey, maybe these men were shallow narcissistic, self-obsessed jerks who had a midlife crisis and decided that going to the gym, focusing on shallow external things like tattoos, and having a thin sex partner trumped the responsibilities of being a husband (to a woman who might have actually put expectations on him) and father. And when people seem so in love to an outside observer, keep in mind that you have no idea what is really going on behind closed doors (or in the minds of those involved).

I still think it's a partner choice issue. Perhaps the secret is finding a partner who is attracted to you at your highest weight/least attractive and then you're golden. Or perhaps the secret is in valuing yourself for more than a number on a scale or a BMI or a dress size/body fat percentage and instead focusing on what is really important in life. Like the quality of your character as Dr. King would say.

Plus, attraction is so much more than weight/appearance. Social science research tells us that people tend to couple up with others who are similar to them (similar IQ, similar social background, similar educational level, similar level of attractiveness), and my clinical experience tells me that there is someone out there for everyone, and not just those who society would say are attractive.

 

[LLJsmom]

I think all sorts of ideas here are odd. Like the idea that weight is always under an individual's control (where set point theory, genetics, certain medical conditions/the need to take certain medications would disagree). Or the idea that thin women are happier, more confident, more sexually open/uninhibited, and more fun (where many times this is just not the case). That being overweight automatically means that someone is tired, unmotivated, insecure, and unhealthy (which again, isn't always true, and in fact, being overweight is protective in older age). That thin people are more attractive (not in all cultures, and not even in all North American cultures). That being fat is comparable to all sorts of other obnoxious and health threatening behaviours (when research does not support the idea that all fat people are measurably unhealthy). I also find it interesting how focused all of this in on women, and not on men, and how reluctant people seem to be to say, hey, maybe these men were shallow narcissistic, self-obsessed jerks who had a midlife crisis and decided that going to the gym, focusing on shallow external things like tattoos, and having a thin sex partner trumped the responsibilities of being a husband (to a woman who might have actually put expectations on him) and father. And when people seem so in love to an outside observer, keep in mind that you have no idea what is really going on behind closed doors (or in the minds of those involved).

I still think it's a partner choice issue. Perhaps the secret is finding a partner who is attracted to you at your highest weight/least attractive and then you're golden. Or perhaps the secret is in valuing yourself for more than a number on a scale or a BMI or a dress size/body fat percentage and instead focusing on what is really important in life. Like the quality of your character as Dr. King would say.

Plus, attraction is so much more than weight/appearance. Social science research tells us that people tend to couple up with others who are similar to them (similar IQ, similar social background, similar educational level, similar level of attractiveness), and my clinical experience tells me that there is someone out there for everyone, and not just those who society would say are attractive.

Not to sound mean, but maybe these husbands were a-holes to begin with and you couldn't tell and this really brought it out of them. Truly...who knows. I think it is a lot more complicated than one person gaining weight. There were definitely other problems there already, I would guess. (I'm not saying that it is the fault of your friends. I'm just saying what they were told or what they thought.)

 

[LLJsmom]

Kylier, the friends you describe above, were they clinically obese and did they stay that way for a decade? Clinically obese is a BMI of over 30. So that would be a person of five three/four weighing approx 190lb. There's a difference between a few extra curves and obesity. Even though I'm all about the inner love, even I have to admit there's a difference.

Just trying to understand how left-field my own friends' husbands are. All this has shaken me and opened my eyes. I thought those husbands loved my friends for the way they were. I was talking to my therapist about this issue since we're working on food (I am also very overweight) and I said that these men had ruined their marriages because of lust - i.e. the desire to have sex with someone other than their wives. I said, "It's all about sex." I thought she'd agree that they should love the inner person, but she said, "Well, you don't get married without sex." The implication being that it didn't surprise her that the husbands chose to prioritize a "good" sex life - which for them apparently means a woman who is not clinically obese.

This is a very good article about how and why some men choose sex over family: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cultural-animal/200806/fathers-who-leave

How much did you know about your friend's relationship with each of their husbands before it ended? Did you know how much looks, appearance, sex mattered to these husbands? Did the wives know? Did husbands themselves know? I would ask the same questions about sex. Weight is just a very easy thing to blame because it can be more apparent. What if the wives were thin and hot looking, and maybe still super busy with the kids, work, the house, and just NOT IN THE MOOD? Would the husbands still want to leave? So is it not actually about weight but about sex? Or weight is one of the factors that affects "sex" but definitely not the only one? Just thinking out loud.

 

[Jambalaya]

I agree with so much that's said here. CMD, yes, yes, yes!

It's very interesting to hear that there ARE husbands who don't mind when their wives are in the clinically obese category. I was beginning to wonder if they all felt the same but just didn't say it. So maybe these other husbands are just asshats.

I really don't know if being on the heavier side changed my friends' personalities. They seem to same to me as when we were younger, but you REALLY don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

LLJSmom, thanks for the link. Very interesting. Yes, there's a huge link with sex.

It's interesting to consider how all these things - weight, division of labor, personality, insecurity - all feed into each other.

I don't know. All I know is that suddenly marriages all around me are in trouble.

 

[Polished]

Perhaps these men should look to Pierce Brosnan for some direction.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Perhaps these men should look to Pierce Brosnan for some direction.

Omg! I just saw an article about them yesterday. He told her that he would leave her if she got liposuction or plastic surgery! I thought that was rather refreshing.

 

[monarch64]

Omg! I just saw an article about them yesterday. He told her that he would leave her if she got liposuction or plastic surgery! I thought that was rather refreshing.

I have loved that man since his Remington Steele days. To me, he's one of the most attractive, sexy actors ever, and what makes him even more so is his love for his wife no matter her size/shape. Truly an evolved man.

 

[sonnyjane]

Omg! I just saw an article about them yesterday. He told her that he would leave her if she got liposuction or plastic surgery! I thought that was rather refreshing.

So the OP's men saying they're leaving their wives because their appearance changed is vile, but a celebrity telling his wife he'll leave her if HER appearance changes is refreshing? Sure one is thin to fat and the other is fat to thin but is that really what you're saying?

 

[YadaYadaYada]

So the OP's men saying they're leaving their wives because their appearance changed is vile, but a celebrity telling his wife he'll leave her if HER appearance changes is refreshing? Sure one is thin to fat and the other is fat to thin but is that really what you're saying?

No, I think it is refreshing that he is not bothered by her weight and doesn't want her to risk her healthy by having cosmetic surgery.

ETA: It is possible that he could just be saying he would leave if she got plastic surgery to discourage her. People make extreme comments all the time, sometimes they are meant literally and other times not. I guess only they know that.

 

[lyra]

Well, to be fair, OP said the 3 husbands DID leave their wives. Pierce Brosnan only said he would, mostly likely as part of his PR, who knows? If he actually did leave his wife like the others did, absolutely, that would be just as bad IMO. But then again, we're not in anyone else's head here, it's all just speculation.

 

[House Cat]

I'm not sure I would be happy if my husband gave me ANY "I will leave you" ultimatums when it came to my appearance. If I wanted to have some work done, that is my right. I shouldn't have to fear divorce because I wanted to do something for my appearance. I feel it is the same thing as leaving someone who gains weight. And if you want to use the "risk to health' element, having extra weight on is a huge risk to one's health...cancer, heart disease, diabetes, stroke, etc...

 

[missy]

So the OP's men saying they're leaving their wives because their appearance changed is vile, but a celebrity telling his wife he'll leave her if HER appearance changes is refreshing? Sure one is thin to fat and the other is fat to thin but is that really what you're saying?

I thought the same thing. Love me for who I am and not what I look like. Conditions are still conditions and I know I am an idealist when it comes to love but unconditional love rocks and will still be my definition of true love and soulmate. And even just "joke" threatening to leave someone over their appearance can be upsetting IMO. Though I get what some of the other posters are saying that perhaps he is just making a point to let her know he loves her just the way she is and not to change anything. I can appreciate that though I don't love that kind of joking that could just be there shorthand and not mean anything at all. We are not in their relationship so cannot make accurate assumptions.

Someone once told me the most important decision you could make in your life is the partner with whom you choose to share your life. I agree completely.
And I'd like to expand that to include anyone we love with who we choose to share our life. Not just limited to romantic partner because one doesn't need to have a romantic partner to have a happy and content life.

 

[Jambalaya]

I go backward and forward on this issue. For many women - including me - the height of romance is unconditional love, but I don't think that's realistic. The thing that separates marriage from close friendships is sex. We don't get married without sex. And if one partner's body goes from 125lb to 200lb and stays there for years, perhaps the other partner can't help it if he doesn't find her body sexually attractive at that weight. This whole thing has been an eye-opener. It makes me wonder what other husbands with Rubenesque wives really think of their wives' weight. As for Pierce, maybe he genuinely prefers Keely at her current weight. Maybe, if she were given a magic potion that would make Keely the same weight as when they got married, they'd decide to throw it away. But we have no idea of the effect of her weight on their marriage. Just because he stays, it doesn't mean he necessarily likes the extra weight. We just don't know.

One of the husbands, who insists it's only about the weight, appeared very loving on the outside all the time he was minding about the weight - and trying desperately not to mind, he says. He actually told her recently that this is the hardest and most painful thing he's ever been through and that he loves being at home with her and their domestic life, but that it's not enough for him. Translation: He wants lots of sex with a wife whose size he finds sexually attractive, and this is a priority for him. Is he wrong? I'm not sure.

My friends's sharing of these woes has made me sit up. Remember, it's not just the three that left - there are three others where weight is/has been an issue in the marriage. That's SIX husbands I know of who have made it clear they prefer a slimmer rather than heavier wife. Six! How many others are there who do mind their partners' extra weight but just don't dare say anything, and don't leave because of issues like losing their kids?

I know there are men out there who have no problem loving wives that are clinically obese. (Remember, the wives whose husbands left are not just overweight.) But this experience is telling me that what the majority of men prefer is...a woman who is at least somewhat slim.

It's a hard truth to swallow.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

These women are better off without these men. I am with Jordonybass. I love my dh even more now than when we first met and fell in love because I really know him. And to me he is even more handsome because I see who he really is. And I know the same holds true for him. As we get older superficial beauty fades and if that is what held the couple together in the first place (or one half of the couple) then it is surely going to be a problem. What is truly beautiful is character.

Just to address physical appearance for a moment-it is important in the sense that romantic relationships require sexual attraction, chemistry and affection. In that sense yes one cannot dismiss and should not dismiss the role physical beauty plays in relationships. But as we grow together in a relationship it is the beauty of their character (to me) that becomes inherently the more critical factor in a mate. Kindness, integrity, humor, intelligence, honesty, trust, compassion, to name a few.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and while yes many of us can (somewhat at least) objectively agree yes that person is beautiful it is only when we really get to know them can we definitively say yes that person is a beautiful individual and really mean it apart from their physical beauty. I am not knocking physical beauty. I am knocking these men who say they left their wives because they lost their physical beauty. That shows their character and I say (without being flip) those wives are better off without men like them.

Jambalaya sending good wishes to your friends. I wish them healing and a happy future. No doubt what they are going through is very challenging, sad and they are experiencing a traumatic loss. With time I hope they realize how much better off they are without these men and I hope with time their life is happy and fulfilled and they are content and at peace.

+1 to Missy's post, and I know others said similar things. Missy is speaking of marriages that LAST, because true love is a much deeper thing than just physical appearance and sex.

 

[Jambalaya]

I agree DS, but sex is the glue that holds a marriage together, no? Because marriage without sex is just a close friendship, and we don't marry our friends. We marry people we want to have sex with.

I wonder how many husbands are truly happy with a partner who is clinically obese. I suspect not as many as us romantics would like to believe.

The six friends (six!) have told me more than I can write out here, and it's been a real eye-opener into the different psychologies and needs of men and women.

I, too, would like to believe that I'd have the exact same amount of love, sex, and romance in my life at 200lbs as at 125lbs. I'm not sure I would, though. I mean, I'm divorced and heavy, so I've got no one to experiment on (ha!) but a large study on the marriage quality of slim and obese women would sure be an interesting read.

I'm all for unconditional love, but the longer I live and the more I see of life, the more I think it's mostly unrealistic and that unconditional love is what parents have for children.

Partner love IS conditional. Would you still love your husband if he raped or murdered someone? I doubt it. Yet so often when men are arrested their mothers are quoted as saying he's a good man and could not possibly have done it, and they proclaim their child's innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. That's unconditional love.

 

[AGBF]

What happens when people age? When the flesh starts to sag? Should the men all have the "right" (of course we know they have the "right")-but I mean the RIGHT as in being in the right -to leave their wives because they are no longer sexy? I am 66 years old and 117 pounds. I look sexy and fantastic in clothes. I turn heads. My daughter has said I have a better figure than she does. But if I undressed, no man who didn't love me for myself would stay in the same room with me.

 

[Jambalaya]

AGBF, this is one of the first things that the friend married to the husband who insists it's all about the weight asked him. Apparently, he's faithful but upset about the weight issue that's hung over the marriage for so long. He said that all those things are different because they are beyond her control. He said age, accidents, illness etc don't matter because no one can help those things, but that the weight is within her control to a degree. He said he feels betrayed by her refusal to prioritize his needs and to get herself to a weight where they can both enjoy a very passionate marriage. She said she has a BMI of 34, so one point off morbidly obese, so she's a little heavier than I thought. I still think she looks great though, but it's not my opinion that matters. Yeah, this issue is the first thing that came up. The other friends were focusing more on trying not to kill their husbands for their infidelity. But the other husband seems to feel hurt that his pleas fell on deaf ears. Perhaps he DID love her for herself, but was hurt by her refusal to listen to his vocalization of his needs.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Is it possible your female friends were not interested in their husbands either? If this was such a contentious issue for them, knowing weight was a deal breaker, perhaps staying the same was a sure getting rid of xs baggage (aka husbands).

FWIW, I do not believe there is such a thing as unconditional (marital) love or unconditional anything for that matter.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Jambalaya]

Sharon, that's totally possible. Maybe the husbands felt that way too, hence all the trouble.

I do think there is unconditional love from mothers for their children. In what I've observed, that's where unconditional love occurs the most. From fathers too, but many men leave their children - it's very rare for a mother to leave her kids. Think how much parents adore and worship their children. I do think it exists, but I'm no longer sure it's even appropriate in romantic relationships. After all, if someone knows they have your unconditional love, what incentive do they have to treat you right? In theory, unconditional love means they can get away with anything.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Oh FFS, there's so much going on here and it's driving me crazy. When I started dating my husband I weighed close to but less than 200 pounds. He was around 170. Nearly 16 years later I'm 300 (judge away, I'm working on it) and he's about 240. We're both obese, obviously I am much more than he is. Guess what? We have just as much sex now as we did when we were teens! We are both sexually attracted to each other, and have been all throughout our lives together.

And yes, sex is what brings people together, but once you have long bonded love, legitimate bonded love, I don't see why someone's weight would change that. It's one thing if the heavy partner becomes self-conscious about it and stops having sex out of fear or something, but to leave someone just strictly based on what they look like, I really think there's more to it than that.

 

[sonnyjane]

but sex is the glue that holds a marriage together, no? Because marriage without sex is just a close friendship, and we don't marry our friends. We marry people we want to have sex with.

I wonder how many husbands are truly happy with a partner who is clinically obese. I suspect not as many as us romantics would like to believe.

The six friends (six!) have told me more than I can write out here, and it's been a real eye-opener into the different psychologies and needs of men and women.

I, too, would like to believe that I'd have the exact same amount of love, sex, and romance in my life at 200lbs as at 125lbs. I'm not sure I would, though. I mean, I'm divorced and heavy, so I've got no one to experiment on (ha!) but a large study on the marriage quality of slim and obese women would sure be an interesting read.

You seem very naive/ignorant about marriage to me (ignorant in that there's much you don't know, not an insult of your intelligence). Sex is NOT a glue that holds a marriage together. It certainly helps, but I know SO many marriages, including my own, for which sex is a very minimal factor. ATTRACTION is important, but sex isn't necessarily. I hardly see my husband because of our careers, which means sex is a rare event for us, but that's ok because we both have low drives. I've known many couples (husband is former military) that had the challenge of one of the members suffering a severe injury in combat that meant sex was no longer an option, but they are still married (although that's a HUGE challenge!). My grandparents are Catholic and once my grandma had my mom, she had to have a hysterectomy. As they could no longer reproduce, they moved into separate bedrooms and have lived that way for the last 60 years! I'd say a PERFECT marriage might have a balance of sex, fun, love, laughter, affection, division of housework, contribution to marital finances, etc., but you're never going to get everything perfect - that doesn't mean your marriage is going to fail if one of those factors suffers. We're talking about two different things here - men that prioritize sex losing attraction for their wives, and marriages existing without sex.

You also seem to think that only thin people are happily married. That's not true at all. Actually it's fairly common that in marriages, if someone that was obese suddenly loses a large amount of weight (typically because of bariatric surgery) the divorce rate is high. Why? Because there's been a change and their partners aren't used to their "thin" spouses. It's not the weight that causes problems necessarily, it's the change. You grow attracted to someone, whether fat, thin, tall, short, blonde, brunette, etc. When that changes, you have emotions about it, and sometimes they can be reconciled, and sometimes they can't.

I guess I'm just getting frustrated by your comments because for a thread complaining about too much value on a person's weight, you're putting WAY too much value on a person's weight!

 

[kylier]

Sharon, that's totally possible. Maybe the husbands felt that way too, hence all the trouble.

I do think there is unconditional love from mothers for their children. In what I've observed, that's where unconditional love occurs the most. From fathers too, but many men leave their children - it's very rare for a mother to leave her kids. Think how much parents adore and worship their children. I do think it exists, but I'm no longer sure it's even appropriate in romantic relationships. After all, if someone knows they have your unconditional love, what incentive do they have to treat you right? In theory, unconditional love means they can get away with anything.

That is so dark. I believe unconditional love heals and permits us to be our best without fear. There have been lots of posts with anecdotal evidence showing that men can love their wives even with weight gain. I would love my spouse tomorrow if he was fat, if he lost both legs, if his face burned off...
I would lay down my life for him.