- Joined
- Apr 26, 2007
- Messages
- 8,087
Re: Sad and confused about my future engagement ring purchas
This has stuck in my mind, just because it seems so bizarre. Is there any chance you've just got an opinionated potential MIL who states her opinions as facts? Like, she's not really telling you what to do - she just misphrases "I think it's great to save money by getting married at City Hall and just having a reception" as "YOU SHOULD GET MARRIED AT CITY HALL AND JUST HAVE A RECEPTION." I know more than a few people who have that verbal tic. That said, then the problem is less an insane potential MIL (still controlling, but controlling is better than insane), and more a BF who is kind of spineless.
I just can't fathom having a partner renege on something this emotionally significant. It would be bad enough if he'd started out saying, "Well, we already have an alpha in this family, and it's not ME, so you're stuck with these parameters." But introducing it halfway through the process? Bizarro. Worse yet that he's dictating how you present to his family - no flashy signs of personal success for you, young lady! - even when you've purchased them with your own money.
I usually hate it when people post problems and get answers that come down to, "No, look, THIS is how you do it!" You know, the posts where some poor woman posts about a problem - like, say, hating her e-ring - and gets a bunch of sanctimonious responses about how the responders LOVE their e-rings because their husbands chose them so carefully and they would never change them, ergo, the poster is a bad person for not loving her "eh" ring.
Ahem. As you might guess, I really hate that.
Nevertheless. Dude, I proposed to my husband. My Swedish husband. So he had two outs on getting me a ring, but he saw that it made me obsessively happy (hi, upcoming 6-year anniversary on PS!), and got it and kept on getting more jewelry, even though I am pretty sure he thinks it would make more sense to invest in a collection of red Louboutin boots for my cat. And I've periodically wibbled about whether I should wear my ring/earrings/pendant whatever when going to see his family. And every time, he just looks at me blankly and asks me why I would change things that make me happy for somebody else, on the principle that if the other people are sane, they'll be happy that I'm happy.
He's so well-adjusted it hurts. I'm not that well-adjusted, but I'm trying, and I figure other people might want to, too. So, bottom line on my tl:dr post? You are thinking of getting MARRIED. Spending the rest of your lives together. Make sure he spends those 60-some-odd (more if you are lucky) years knowing it's you who comes first, and not somebody else ... nu?
This has stuck in my mind, just because it seems so bizarre. Is there any chance you've just got an opinionated potential MIL who states her opinions as facts? Like, she's not really telling you what to do - she just misphrases "I think it's great to save money by getting married at City Hall and just having a reception" as "YOU SHOULD GET MARRIED AT CITY HALL AND JUST HAVE A RECEPTION." I know more than a few people who have that verbal tic. That said, then the problem is less an insane potential MIL (still controlling, but controlling is better than insane), and more a BF who is kind of spineless.
I just can't fathom having a partner renege on something this emotionally significant. It would be bad enough if he'd started out saying, "Well, we already have an alpha in this family, and it's not ME, so you're stuck with these parameters." But introducing it halfway through the process? Bizarro. Worse yet that he's dictating how you present to his family - no flashy signs of personal success for you, young lady! - even when you've purchased them with your own money.
I usually hate it when people post problems and get answers that come down to, "No, look, THIS is how you do it!" You know, the posts where some poor woman posts about a problem - like, say, hating her e-ring - and gets a bunch of sanctimonious responses about how the responders LOVE their e-rings because their husbands chose them so carefully and they would never change them, ergo, the poster is a bad person for not loving her "eh" ring.
Ahem. As you might guess, I really hate that.
Nevertheless. Dude, I proposed to my husband. My Swedish husband. So he had two outs on getting me a ring, but he saw that it made me obsessively happy (hi, upcoming 6-year anniversary on PS!), and got it and kept on getting more jewelry, even though I am pretty sure he thinks it would make more sense to invest in a collection of red Louboutin boots for my cat. And I've periodically wibbled about whether I should wear my ring/earrings/pendant whatever when going to see his family. And every time, he just looks at me blankly and asks me why I would change things that make me happy for somebody else, on the principle that if the other people are sane, they'll be happy that I'm happy.
He's so well-adjusted it hurts. I'm not that well-adjusted, but I'm trying, and I figure other people might want to, too. So, bottom line on my tl:dr post? You are thinking of getting MARRIED. Spending the rest of your lives together. Make sure he spends those 60-some-odd (more if you are lucky) years knowing it's you who comes first, and not somebody else ... nu?