PS Fairy Dust Please for my Mom.

[rainydaze]

wow, gypsy, i''m so sorry the surgery went on so long. it must have felt like an eternity, and then to not get answers.....

i really feel for you, my heart goes out to you. you are handling this so well, with such strength, and your mom is very lucky to have you for her daughter. my continued support and best to you and your family.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 9/13/2007 2:49:29 PM
Author: Gypsy
Okay. Just had a REALLY good talk, aired stuff out, and got full disclosure from Dr. Jekyl (who I''m just going got call Dr.J from now on). Apparently he had relayed a good bit of this to my step dad... who I was right, chose to keep me in the dark to protect me. Drives me nuts, literally as he just doesn''t get me. Plus ''I''m the husband'' man had control issues. But then, who doesn''t. I explained this family ''quirk'' to Dr. J and he said in the future he will keep me informed himself of anything and gave me his pager and cell and told me to call him anytime.


Here''s the lowdown.



Mom is intibated because her neck and throat are swollen from the operation, as they did fuse into her neck. the ventilator was for last night, but they''ve turned it down this morning and she''s breathing largely on her own. They will take th tube out today or tomorrow. But don''t want to take it out unless they know they won''t need it again, because with the halo, it makes it difficult for them to put the tube back in.


I think the reason he made self-agrandizing statements like ''You know I''m the only one at this hospital who could have done this right?'' and '' Both the Chief and Neurosurgeon said they''ve never seen such fine work,'' and so on was that he was feeling defensive and under attack. SO maybe it''s not ALL his ego, he''s just trying (in a way that needs some imporvement) to let me know that it''s jut not his opinion that it went well, since I seem to be questioning his opinion, but that other''s agreed.


In about a week she''s going to need another surgery. This one was a posterior fusion again, which means they go in only from the back. Next weeks is going to be focused on that fractured, broken bone at the bottom of her spine/lower back and is going to be an anterior one, meaning they will go in from the front. But it will be small procedure in comparison to this one, and they will only have to make a small ish incision so that he can go it and bind the bones from another direction.


So, I''m much more at peace. I was given leave at work to leave early from second day of the training, as it will be repeated in November, and I can just take the second day then. I hadn''t gotten any information at that point was was visibly upset and frustrated... and the HR woman gave me a hug, told me she would make it right with my manager and sent me home. I''ve been here stewing, waiting for JOhn to return from his appointments so we could drive up together, and I''m exhaused (didn''t sleep) and he doesn''want me to drive up to SF alone.


SO... we''re going to the hospital soon. And I''ll get to see her. Very relieved.


Thank you all for the strength and encouragement you''ve given me. The process isn''t over, but at least I''m feeling better about her doctor, and the care she is receiving.


BIG HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!

I don''t think this excuses his behavior, but I remember reading something about how doctors are afraid to apologize or show remorse bc it raises the possibility of a lawsuit. Kind of a vicious circle if you ask me.

 

[strmrdr]

checking in, prayers continue.

 

[Gypsy]

I want to thank you all individually for your posts, and will do so when I get out of work, but right now please let me say THANK YOU and tell you that I could feel your strength and John's helping me and my mother-- all these warm thoughts and prayers are so amazing.

I went to the hospital yesterday and went to the ICU, I almost passed out when I saw my mother. I won't go into details, but it was very difficult to see her like that. And it's a sight I don't think I'll ever forget. I spent the day with her till 7pm, when the nurse shift change at the ICU happens (and they kick everyone out for an hour and a half). She's coherant, and has no discernable nerve damage. But needs to be in ICU for a few more days. I was so very happy I was with her, and I could hold her hand and just... be. She's got a long road ahead of her... but she's going to be okay, I think. We got home, and I went straight to bed, exhausted and just dizzy. I'm feeling better today.

She will be having another procedure (anterior) next week, and we are requesting a rehab facility upon her release as it's clear that her recovery from this surgery is going to be much harder than the last. We are hoping her insurance approves this.

I'm a little too emotional still to write too much about this (hands are shaking) and am at work (though really distracted) so... I'm going to work, and distract myself on here for the day, then go visit her again tonight. They won't let us spend the night in ICU, which is okay as she's got 24 dedicated care in there.

As for the doctor. Can't deal with him right now. I just can't deal with the negative energy, and am trying to stay really positive.

So, again, just THANK YOU. I read your posts and they warmed me and just... I could feel how much you all care. That's so precious, and please know that I do not take it for granted.

Sincerely,
Layla

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I hope your Mom is comfortable and that she is receiving the best of care. For you and your family, healing thoughts across the miles................

kind regards--Sharon

 

[Ellen]

Hang in there Gypsy.

 

[strmrdr]

I can tell you from experience that ICU nurses are the best of the best she is in good hands!
Personally I think its better she remain in ICU for a while because the level of care is a lot higher.
Prayers continue.

 

[Shay37]

Layla, I am checking this thread often. I just feel helpless to do or say anything. I just keep praying for you all. I am so glad they are keeping your mom in ICU. Best of care. You guys hang in there, Okay?

shay

 

[diamondsrock]

Sounds like she is being very well taken care of. I agree with storm, the ICU is the best place for her right now, since she will get so much individual attention. Stay positive and strong, but please get some rest and take care of yourself, too! We''re all thinking of you!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 9/14/2007 12:29:52 PM
Author: Gypsy

I went to the hospital yesterday and went to the ICU, I almost passed out when I saw my mother. I won''t go into details, but it was very difficult to see her like that. And it''s a sight I don''t think I''ll ever forget.

So sorry Layla - I felt that way after my mom came out of her surgery too - I was just shocked at what I saw and tried to keep it together to be ''strong'' but I know what it''s like to feel that way inside. Big hugs.

I hope she gets excellent care from here and heals quickly.

 

[snlee]

Layla, I was away from PS for a few days but I have been thinking of you and your mother. This was the first thread I checked to read your updates. I''m relieved to hear that surgery went well and your mom is ok getting the care she needs in the ICU. Lots of hugs! My thoughts are with you. Hang in there!

 

[Kaleigh]

Layla,
I''m sorry, that vision hopefully will be a distant memory as your Mom recovers. Not sure if it''s the Halo, pretty scary looking. But am praying for your Mom, and sending you a big HUG!!! I have a funny story about my Halo and will share it with you later. Hang in there sweetie!!!

Lisa

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you Lorelei-- I am hanging in there, I''m blessed with a lot of support, which helps enormously. And I''m taking care of myself best as I can. Will make sure to get as much rest as possible this weekend.

Isaku- That was some big hug honey, thank you!

Rainbow, thank you so much for the advice and support. I''m eating well, John is making sure of that. And sleeping as much as I can. While I agree with you about the doctor, I just can''t deal with it right now. Once Mom''s a little better, and can give her input, I''m sure we''ll have a discussion about him. Thank you for looking out for us!

Linda, with the pretty pad AV that makes me smile, thank you for the hug, love and concern! Very much.

Amber, there is a heightened awareness about all the staff that are tending to her. They are all being EXTRAORDINARILY ATTENTIVE. And cautious. The ICU and the breathing aparatus are unfortunately warranted. This has been a REALLY REALLY more complicated surgery that, with her body already weak, has just been hard on her body, very hard.


Ellen thanks for all the support that HUGE wonderful hug, and the frequent check ins.

Storm, you''ve been wonderful, calming and very attentive, thank you for all the concern and support. The ICU thing has me more comfortable now, since I''ve seen the level of care there. You were right.


Skippy-- thank you so much sweetie. I did something nice for myself today. I promise.

Poshpepper, Hello lady. I will try to take care of myself and not get sick. Thank you for support and warm thoughts.

Hi Aldj... I''ve missed you and your wit and insight. Thanks so much taking the time to check in and wishing us peace. We will seek it every chance we get.

Thing... took a breather today for a while.

Thank you honey for the continued encouragement.

HI Suzy, I have the same hopes that you do... and really do FEEL all the support radiating from all of you. Thank you so very much for your prayers, all of them.

Thank you Wolftress!!

Sevens, I know you do, I know many of you do, and your stories of your experiences have helped me so much. Thank you for the big hug!

hlmr-- Thank you honey.

Hi Monnie, sorry you went through that, and thank for sharing your story... it helps giving me perspective. As for the laptop... doesn''t work in ICU or in the areas near ICU, including the ICU waiting room.

rainy... thank so much for he support. It''s all forgotten for now. Funny how that happens, you forget the bad, and focus on the good when it''s so vital to everyone.

Canuk gal... thank you for the long distance encouragement!

Shay honey, just posting is a huge help for me. Thanks so much for the concern, and we are hanging in... with all of your your support.

Thank you Diamondsrock for all the advice and help!

FG... Isn''t it just.. horrible. I want to scrub my mind. Thank for the commiseration and acknowledgment of that moment. I''m sorry you have had that experience too.

Aww snlee honey. You are such a good friend. ((HUGS)) and THANK YOU.

THANK YOU ALL, again... from my mother, John, me and myh whole family. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

 

[risingsun]

Prayers are on the way...what an ordeal for your Mom and your family. Stay strong and insist on answers from the doctors on an ongoing basis. You have the right to know what is going on.

 

[shminbabe]

i just read a bit of what''s been going on with you/your mom. so sorry. my mom was 3 weeks in icu and we hated to see her discharged to a regular room. and, they did let me spend the night there whenever i wanted. but really, storm is right, the level of care in the icu is wonderful so she is in good hands. i do so very much hope her situation improves. we had good treatment from her doctors and nurses so it''s incredible, reading about her struggles.

hoping for a good outcome,

 

[AGBF]

Layla,

I just opened this thread, which to an outsider was about fairy dust and your mother with no mention of the gravity of the situation in which your mother was involved, today. I was horrified. The only "good" part for me was that I got to go from reading about the earliest news through the successful surgery in one sitting! I can't imagine how horrible it must have been to live this out day after day. I am so glad that you had such a group of PS supporters at your side as you lived through this!

I hope your mother remains in the ICU getting special care. I will be watching to see her progress. I hope they do not rush her into the next surgery! She has been through so much!

Hugs,
Deborah

 

[justjulia]

I''ve not been able to contribute to PS very often lately, but I wanted to add that somebody else out there is thinking about you and hoping that all goes well.

 

[Phoenix]

Prayers for your mom and hugs to you and John. I can kind of guess what you must be going through. Be strong for her and continue to love her and be there for her. Hang in there.

 

[strmrdr]

prayers continue
*hugs*
make sure your taking care of yourself too.

 

[Kaleigh]

Layla,
Thinking of you tonight, sending you a hug. My prayers continue for your Mom.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you all, I needed all of this support... feeling so much better after reading your posts. We had a bit of a rough day today... quick update cause I'm just not up to more tonight.... feeling very drained. Mom's got pneumonia and her tongue is freaking me out, I really want it to be normal and quick. She hasn't been sleeping. They gave her drugs that gave her nightmares and hallucinations so she wakes in 15 minute intervals stressed and disoriented, got that fixed... but took a WHILE. Went to grab a quick bite to eat-- Dr.J shows up right while I'm gone. Bites nurses head off for something that was his fault, then after mom gave him a bit of a dressing down (she can't really talk because of her tongue) he starts arguing with her. Friend of family that was staying with her while we were eating, intervened a bit, and I showed up.. .intervened more. Dr. went off to walk his attitude off for some minutes, came back and expressed regret for not operating sooner (but still put a spin on it) and aknowledged my mother's and my family's right to some anger at him. Got him to fix the drugs some more... had some friends of the family show up that I'd told my step dad shouldn't visit till out of ICU... helped them deal with their 'almost passing out' and the site of her... held them while they cried for her... then had to go to my grandparents house... start process of slowly preparing my grandma (not a logical human being... runs purely on emotion... I love her, but she and logical and rational thought have rarely shaken hands) for my mom's condition (she wants to visit in a week)... and for the next surgery. Step dada was calling every moment the cell was on. His back hurts, he's tired... complained about my grandparents... complained about a lot of things... at the end of the day I was just letting John handle it cause I couldn't take it anymore. I know he's REALLY stressed and this is REALLY hard on him, and he's alone, and lonely and frightened... but the man does not handle it well... and he almost had John foaming at the mouth LAST NIGHT... and had managed to alienate most of my family the FIRST surgery with his complaining, griping, bad moods and passive aggresive nature... and dis-respect to my grandparents... which caused my recovering mother to have to yell at him more than a few times. The man just doesn't handle things well. He's got a great heart... but, god....
Sorry for the info dump.... just ...
Tired, drained... and just... really really want to cry today. It was a tough day.

Tomorrow will be better. Hopefully mom's new meds will be working, she'll have slept, the nightmare's will be minimized, and the antibiotics will have kicked in... and the Dr and my step dad will have worn their big boy pants to the hospital.

 

[darkeyesredshoes]

Gypsy, all I can say is that every time I check in on this thread, I am so impressed at how you are holding everything together. It must be so hard, and you''re taking it all on like a champ. I''m in awe, and I hope you get the time you need to take care of yourself as well.

 

[strmrdr]

prayers outgoing for good news today.
*hugs*

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/16/2007 11:14:12 AM
Author: strmrdr
prayers outgoing for good news today.
*hugs*

me too Gypsy

(((hugs))) I hope you slept well and praying you will have a better day. Also, it is okay to cry and tell John you need extra hugs.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Oh honey...this is such a hard time. Positive energy and thoughts and prayers are outgoing from here too. You know I'm close by as well and I'll definitely be there on Wednesday - just let me know if you need some extra support or food or a coffee break or anything, I'd be happy to come by. FYI, the library right across the street is a lovely peaceful place if you need a quick, meditative break while you are there.

 

[snlee]

Sweetie, remember to take good care of yourself during this difficult time. Hugs to you and continued thoughts are with your mom. Hope to hear some good news today.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 9/16/2007 2:54:02 AM
Author: darkeyesredshoes
Gypsy, all I can say is that every time I check in on this thread, I am so impressed at how you are holding everything together. It must be so hard, and you're taking it all on like a champ. I'm in awe, and I hope you get the time you need to take care of yourself as well.

I feel exactly the same way, Layla. As I read what you wre going through in a day, all I could feel was awe. You are truly unbelievable. That you are functioning at all is a miracle; that you are functioning with such grace goes beyond words. I wish you continued strength.

Love,
Deb

 

[mrssalvo]

gypsy, thinking of you today and saying a prayer that it goes so much smoother for you and John. Do take care of yourself and try to get as much rest as you can..

 

[Anastasia]

Gypsy - I have been following your saga since the beginning. I can''t even imagine how difficult this is for you. You are handling this amazingly well. Your mother is a lucky woman to have you on her side. It must be awful to see her like this, and to deal with all of the family drama that is going along with the situation.

You are amazing and strong and a fantastic advocate for your mom. Thank God you intervened, and have been pushing as much as you need to.

Please take care of yourself too. Cry to your hubby, get enough sleep, eat well. Vent to PS. You are a great daughter.

 

[KimberlyH]

Continuing to send tons of positive thoughts your way, Gyps. You continue to be a rock and I admire you. Take care, lots of hugs coming your way.