My boyfriend just asked me for a "break"

[purrfectpear]

Texting you to ask what clothes go with what?

Ha, ha, ROFLMAO...think about it hun, would you really want to date a boy who needs a momma to help him make wardrobe decisions or a man who knows what he''s doin'' ?

When you start feeling sad about him, think about that. He can''t even dress himself...hehehe

What a catch

 

[joflier]

I just caught up on this thread.......better late than never right?

Just wanted to send you some hugs! Reading this thread brings up a lot of weird memories for me, and some of the breakups I''ve been thru. And I''m just so sorry that your going through this, I really am. There''s no comparison to the feeling of a broken heart. But I''m so glad your doing better. There will be good days and bad days, and just plain old sad days, but as more time passes, there will be more and more of the good days!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I am sure someday I will look back on this thread and laugh..

Even though hearing from him kind of irritates me... it''s way better than the silence I have been getting the past two days. It''s deafening. There are SO many times I have wanted to contact him, but don''t worry! I have not!

I worry so much about him and other girls. The idea of him with anyone else turns my stomach. I just want to be over him and not care, but I can''t turn my feelings off like a certain male I know.

 

[Maisie]

Try not to think about him with someone else. That horrible feeling that drops into your stomach is unbearable isn't it.

If the thoughts do happen you have to divert your mind onto something else. Otherwise it will upset you and drive you crazy. If he goes with someone so soon after your break up he can't think that much of you or your feelings. Another reason to be glad he is gone.

You deserve so much better than this and soon you will feel a lot better.

 

[Tuckins1]

Date: 10/25/2008 2:40:42 AM
Author: OUpeargirl
I am sure someday I will look back on this thread and laugh..


Even though hearing from him kind of irritates me... it''s way better than the silence I have been getting the past two days. It''s deafening. There are SO many times I have wanted to contact him, but don''t worry! I have not!


I worry so much about him and other girls. The idea of him with anyone else turns my stomach. I just want to be over him and not care, but I can''t turn my feelings off like a certain male I know.

Of course it hurts to think about that... Who wants to see the one they love (or recently loved)with someone else? Try to think positive thoughts (not about him

) but about your life in general. You do sound like you are doing better, keep it up!

 

[Thomperchik]

OU - I just ran into this thread. I''m sorry you''re going through this. To be honest with you, I think everyone has to kiss a couple of frogs, sometimes even toads to find their prince.

I went through the same thing with my college boyfriend. Except it was a little different. To make a long story short, we dated three years and he was just never sure if I was the right one for him. I hung on to that hope that maybe one day I would be the right one, but that day never came along. I was the one who ended the relationship. Although I knew the relationship was bad for me, it still hurt. I remember the good times we had, but then I would remember the bad times and it hurt like nothing else. I was pist off more than anything. Come to find out months later, he is now doing the things that I always wanted to do with other women. It''s ok though, ''cause I know he at least learned a bit from me as I did from him.

Anyways, best advice I can give you is to have fun!! Smile and remember that someone someday will appreciate for who you and is going to love you for it.

After all, I find that men that can''t make up their mind about whether or not they can be with you are just intimidated of you.

Good luck & I hope time is healing your wounds!!

 

[PrincessDijon]

OU-
Just saw this thread again and thought I would stop by to give you props for being a strong, independent woman. I stayed with my cheating XH for 3 years, mainly because I didn''t "grow some" and felt insecure about myself, not to mention that I hate changes and being "the bad guy".

After i went on an internship with Disney, I "found myself" and decided that we needed to divorce....by far the HARDEST thing I had ever done, even if I knew I was being wronged....Needless to say, it took a long time to heal emotionally, but you WILL get through it and everyday you are one day closer....

Keep your chin up girl!

 

[i_heart_cushions]

Date: 10/13/2008 9:00:00 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
I know him well and I know he is not looking for other options. I know he just needs some time apart to relax and kick it with the guys without feeling guilty. I am 90% sure that he will come back in a week or less. I just need to be strong and actually give him space.

In a previous relationship I asked for some space, and by doing that I got far less space than I ever had before. I realize that the best thing I can do is take care of myself, go out with the girls, and find ways to be distracted. As soon as we had our conversation I went for a long walk. I felt so much better after that, so I plan to exercise a lot. Any other ideas to get my mind off of him??

I''m concerned over the fact that you say you think he''ll back in a week or less....I don''t want you to get your hopes up and be crushed if he takes longer than this timeframe you have given him.

I''m sure it will be okay. As much as I hope things work out for you, be prepared for things NOT to go your way...I''ve been in your situation with different guys before, and they both turned out diferently, so breaks can work to help strengthen a relationship, or they may not...

All I will say is that you are on the right track by focusing on you and having fun with your girls. Do what you need to do to keep yourself distracted. And try your best to give him the space he needs. And don''t just "Jump" when he says he''s ready. A) make sure you are also okay with it and that he won''t just go on another "break" with you just as easily next time and B) make sure he really has had his "space" that he needs so that he won''t turn around in a few weeks to say that he needs that break again.

Sorry that you are going through this...but it might be good for you too - to reevaluate things so you aren''t so insecure about the relationsihp.... take the time for yourself! And just remember that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you can focus on a new hobby, reconnect with friends, focus on your school/career.

All the best to you.

(I realize I am responding to this before I have read any further to see any updates on you...but just remember to stay strong!)

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Well, that quote was when we were on a break. I really did think it was just a break. But we are done.

I am still so in love it hurts. I saw him last night and he was more confusing than ever. Today he is as well. I am just removing myself from the situation because it hurts so bad. I never thought he would do this to me.

Some days are better than others. Today is a bad one. I met a cute guy last night so hopefully I will see him tonight at a halloween party and try to enjoy meeting someone new. I feel like every time I smile it''s fake.

 

[dragonfly411]

OU - I''m speaking from experience here. You need to not see him..... at all..... for a good long while. You need time to mend yourself and get over him and you can''t do that if you keep seeing him and talking to him. Just my 2 cent

 

[fieryred33143]

Hi OU

What you are going through is normal. A little story:

I read a book by Dayanara Torres (the ex-wife of singer Marc Anthony...and the one he left to be with Jennifer Lopez

). It wasn't a very good book but one thing she did mention was the different stages of going through a major break-up and how you can be fooled into believing that you are over with all of your stages and think you're ready to move on, only to find out you aren't. She felt she was over the whole situation (I think maybe 4 months after the separation) and decided to go on the Cristina show. The show was a disaster. She cried the entire time and she said it was because she fooled herself into believing she was fine. What she was having was a good day, not that she was over him and what happened.

The point of telling you that story is that with just...what is it 1-2 weeks after the break up?...don't be fooled into believing that you are fine and over him. Allow yourself to get angry and feel sad. Recognize that the reason why you still love him is not because you are weak, its because you really do still love him and that's ok. We can all be "Girl Power!" but if you don't go through the greiving stages, you'll crash and burn. So give yourself some time and you'll know when the day comes when you are truly over him. I think you posted last week that you were over the whole situation and I thought to myself "impossible, not after losing what she felt was a great love."

Here's to that day of sunshine!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Trust me, after today that won''t be a problem.

I only saw him last night out at a bar. That may happen again tonight, but I think I''ll just go home.

 

[i_heart_cushions]

I just got caught up. I''m so sorry to hear that!

Let me just tell you a brief story.

I dated this guy for 7 years back in high school and part of university. I thought we were going to get married. But then one day we had celebrated Valentine''s, he called me to say it wasn''t working out and that he still loved me, but not IN LOVE with me. I was devasted. I didn''t even get a warning. We weren''t even fighting or anything! So I was crushed. I was depressed for months...crying over the littliest things....he would still call me and visit me - and I still let him do that. I would''ve done anything to have him back. It was the hardest time in my life. I had to seek counselling because of how depressed I was.

Luckily, I was surrounded by awesome friends and roommates. I kept myself occupied, went to the gym, and focused on me. I gradauted, got a job...dated around - but no other guy could compare...and I must say, I did get better...BUT I still thought about him. To be honest, if he had asked me to see him even if he was with other girls, I would''ve done it....

Fast forward 5 years. I am now in a MUCH happier relationship with FF. We have been dating for just over a year, and what we have together is more than the entire 7 years I ever had with that ex. I have never felt this happy before. I feel complete unconditional love from FF and I know he is The One.

And the funny thing? The high school sweetheart called me several months ago. He is engaged now - but he told me that he still thinks about me. He said HE REGRETS BREAKING UP WITH ME and that his fiancee can''t compare to me...and he is still in love with me...and thinks about what could have been with us...

he asked me if I still thought about him. And I said NO. which is the truth!

Had he asked me before meeting my FF, I would''ve said yes for sure.

So this just goes to show you that you never know what could happen. by the sounds of it, you''re still young (just got your first job). You have SO much ahead of you. Just think - I probably would''ve married my high school sweetheart and I''m sure things would have been fine - but I never would have met my FF and I would never have felt this love I have now.

So things do happen for a reason.... I know it is hard to imagine this now - but I have faith that things will be better.

And you sound like such a strong person. And you have US on PS! (Man, I wish I had this while I was going through my breakup!!!).

chin up. Things can only get better for you. I just know it.

 

[i_heart_cushions]

Date: 10/31/2008 4:02:20 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
Trust me, after today that won''t be a problem.

I only saw him last night out at a bar. That may happen again tonight, but I think I''ll just go home.

I''m glad you won''t make a habit out of seeing him.

It will just make it harder to move on everytime you see him.

My ex would drive 2 hours to see me...and I would think that he wanted me back - but he just wanted to see me because he was "lonely" and was comfortable seeing me....he just came up out of habit - NOT out of love.
And everytime he left, it would take me twice as long to get over it.

 

[Tuckins1]

Happy Halloween OU! Enjoy yourself tonight!

 

[Kelli]

OU it sounds like you''re doing really well. It also sounds like he is trying to mess with you for his own selfish reasons. I am REALLY glad you''re not responding to his texts. I really do think it would be best for you to not see him at all, although I realize in your situation it may not be easy. Keep doing what you''re doing and you''ll get through it. You mentioned before that all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and have him stroke your back, and you couldn''t believe that would never happen again. Well, BELIEVE ME, it will happen again, but with someone else who will not bail on you when things get tough. Having someone pet your back is great. I too thought that no one could ever feel as good to be with as my ex. I thought when things ended with him that those "warm and fuzzy" feelings were gone forever. But that was simply not true. You will find proof of that in time too!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts. I know that eventually I will fall in love again, although, part of me is totally terrified I will end up being the old single crazy cat lady at 30.

I know, I know, I have 9 years before I should worry about that hahah. I have my good days and I have my bad days, but the weepy, wallowing days are over.

I really think I will always love him. He is going through so much right now and seriously feels awful. I just hope that someday we both will be happy again. I realize he is being selfish.. he even told me he didn''t want me to move on because he was still in love with me. Well, guess what honey, you don''t get to tell me we''re over and then say but don''t move on in case I change my mind! I want to forget how it felt to be with him, I want to forget what our relationship meant to me. I don''t want to be in love with him anymore.

Can''t I just fast forward six months from now and be over him already?? Of course not, but I WISH I could. I have some great girlfriends and family and I know I will get through this, however hard it may be. And I also have you wonderful PS ladies to support me through this difficult time.

You all have helped more than you will ever know.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

believe me OU, you will most certainly not "always love him".

 

[dragonfly411]

OU - it sounds like you are doing much better. I''m glad to hear it and I hope it keeps getting better for you. Stay strong ((hugs))

 

[Haven]

I''m so glad to hear that you''re doing well and looking toward the future. Can''t wait to hear about future dates! (You''ll have to let us old married ladies live vicariously through you . . . )

And I wouldn''t worry about being an old single crazy cat lady at 30, because that is not even close to being old! Not even close. (I should know, I''m only two years away . . . ) You have YEARS, honey. Life is in diapers for you. Enjoy! And post date stories!!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Well I am 30 and it ain''t old at all!

I know what you are saying though. I broke up with my EX at 26 and thought it would take years to meet someone new and so I would definitely be the crazy "old" cat lady at 30! Wll, it took 4 months to meet DH! You will meet someone new when you are ready.

And trust me, sister, you will not always love him... you may feel affection for him, or you may be mad at him a little in the future

, but you sure won''t love him! You will love your future husband!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I did not mean to insinuate that 30 is old by any means!

As soon as I get asked on a date, I will let you know. Most of these college boys around here don''t know how to be chivalrous and actually ask a girl on a date.. but we''ll see. Even if I''m not initially attracted to whoever asks, I''m still going to go. I am sure I will have lots of bad dates stories to entertain you with in the future!

 

[joflier]

You''ll find happiness before you know it! I think that its a great idea to just start dating again, whomever. (as long as their not creepy!) Look forward to your date stories dear!

 

[dragonfly411]

OU - Wait for the chivalrous ones please!!! THEY ARE SO WORTH IT.... I would know... I''m a LIW to one

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I definitely will. That is one thing I will miss about him. We went on real dates which is rare for most people here.

Last night he came over wanting to know why I wasn''t even speaking to him. We had a long talk, we both cried. He realized that talking to him and hearing his confusion only got my hopes up. He said he wakes up every morning wishing I was there but knows that it''s not fair to me if he isn''t in it 100 percent. We both said some lovely things and it was really a beautiful goodbye. He said he is terrified he will wake up one day and realize that this was a huge mistake, only to find me gone. I told him that there is no way of knowing that, it''s part of life. He seriously looked tormented and I realized I may be in a better place than he is right now. After he left he sent me a beautiful message on facebook..

"You are the the first girl I have ever loved and you certainly set a high standard. Breaking up with you is the hardest thing I have ever done. Just know that I love you and I always will. If you ever need me I will be there for you in a heartbeat. I know you won''t respond and after this message I will leave you alone. Take care of yourself. Someday you will find someone who won''t question whether being with you is the right thing. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I am walking away with the best memories of you."

That message healed me. He just seems so conflicted and I realize that HIS problems are not MY problems.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/4/2008 11:30:20 AM
Author: OUpeargirl
I definitely will. That is one thing I will miss about him. We went on real dates which is rare for most people here.

Last night he came over wanting to know why I wasn't even speaking to him. We had a long talk, we both cried. He realized that talking to him and hearing his confusion only got my hopes up. He said he wakes up every morning wishing I was there but knows that it's not fair to me if he isn't in it 100 percent. We both said some lovely things and it was really a beautiful goodbye. He said he is terrified he will wake up one day and realize that this was a huge mistake, only to find me gone. I told him that there is no way of knowing that, it's part of life. He seriously looked tormented and I realized I may be in a better place than he is right now. After he left he sent me a beautiful message on facebook..

'You are the the first girl I have ever loved and you certainly set a high standard. Breaking up with you is the hardest thing I have ever done. Just know that I love you and I always will. If you ever need me I will be there for you in a heartbeat. I know you won't respond and after this message I will leave you alone. Take care of yourself. Someday you will find someone who won't question whether being with you is the right thing. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I am walking away with the best memories of you.'

That message healed me. He just seems so conflicted and I realize that HIS problems are not MY problems.

IMO he is not the one breaking up with you anymore. He's still trying to hold on to you and still maintains his "not 100%" feelings. You are being the stronger party and allowing yourself to get away from this relationship. Congratulations! Can you believe it's already been 3 weeks since you started this thread?!

 

[ComplicatedPink]

Complete lurker just catching up but I just wanted to tell you how strong you are! I went through an absolutly heartbreaking breakup a few years back. I just wanted to tell you to remember that recovery is not a linear process. There will be days when you wake up and realize in those couple blissful moments of grogginess that you had the best moment of your day because you didn''t feel the hurt. However, I am so impressed with your attitude. You seem like you are on your way to feeling better. I think that you are very smart for avoiding contact, something I learned much later than you. You''ll heal faster if he''s not around to open your wounds. You sound like a sweetheart and I''d love to give a hug to you from someone who has been there. This will make you a stronger person and when someone does come along who is worth your time, you''ll be able to appreciate and savor it much more. HUGS!

 

[doodle]

Maybe I''m a mean old cynic...or maybe I''ve been watching a close friend of mine stick in a situation like yours for WAY too long...but I think your ex has one whopping ego. He just can''t believe you can go without speaking to him, and he wants you to assure him that he''s so fabulous that you''ll still be sitting around waiting for him if he wakes up one morning thinking "oops". Stay strong, sweetie. A man that can''t see a good thing when it''s sitting right in front of him isn''t a man worth having. I''m proud to see that you know you deserve better; good for you!

On a hopefully happier note, how is Pearls recuperating?

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Haha yeah, I guess he does have a big ego. I can''t escape him lately haha.

Pearls is doing great. The vet said she is recovering nicely, I just need to feed her wet food only for a little while longer. But she has all of her energy back and she is the adorable, sweet cat I adore!

 

[doodle]

YAY, I''m so glad to hear your kitty''s doing so well! I don''t get WHY cats eat some of the stuff they eat--my cat once ate 6 FEET of streamers from one of those New Year''s Eve party favor things where the streamers shoot out of the little canister...we didn''t figure out what happened to it until we found the...ahem...rainbow-colored puddle.

Luckily, she didn''t wind up having to have surgery or anything, but still, I wonder what makes stuff like that appetizing to them?!