It''s ok to ask for cash as a wedding gift....

[diamondfan]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:28:12 AM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/14/2008 1:04:04 AM

Author: diamondfan

If men could register for plasma tv''s, fishing rods and golf clubs...they would be eating off of paper plates!

True that!!


My take on it, is that weddings where people give cash gifts it''s a given, like an unspoken rule. I have been given the heads up in these circumstances, as it''s foreign to me. I have no problem with giving a cash gift. Do I want to be held hostage to pay for your room massages while you are honeymooning?? Ummm, that would be a NO. I dunno, it''s very different these days, some things I say no prob. Other''s that are self serving, Such as in room massages, I don''t think it''s the guests obligation to help finance.


I''d much rather buy you a toaster. Just kidding, am hipper than that.

But see, if you just hand out cash, even if you know they want it, you just never know. Maybe they made a car payment with it. One one hand, a gift is given without strings, but I would like to think my gift had more staying power! That is why, though I will give cash, I would rather get you a Dyson vacuum that you have been wanting, or something of that nature.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:30:25 AM
Author: diamondfan
Spark, no offense, but WOW. What kind of woman gets pregnant by another man less than a week into her marriage (or at all but that really stinks). And keeping the gifts is pretty gauche. A couple days in they should go back immediately.

My cousin got separated a few months after her wedding. Gifts were still coming in. They were returned to the giver or the store.

DF - No offense taken at all. If you are

can you imagine how I felt? Ultimately, it boils down to just not wanting to marry the fiance. She just felt as though she "had" to go through with it because she demanded a $5,000 designer dress, wanted to wear it and didn''t want to call off the wedding when OOT guests had already made plans to attend. Can I hear a WTH, please?!
Needless to say, before I even knew about the infidelity, I was so done w/her and her antics throughout the whole pre-wedding period that we didn''t talk after the wedding and I found out a long time later.

She has no qualms about keeping the gifts and never uttered a word of thanks, let alone a thank you note for the gifts she finnagled (sp?) out of people. She does, however, have the good sense to be embarrassed about her actions but instead of looking inside and finding out what made her act like that, she just hides from everyone who was involved who doesn''t have to know and has crossed her fingers hoping that eventually it will all go away and her actions will not come back to haunt her.

Hey ... if I would have given her cash, I guess, in the same vein, I could have just asked her for it back?

Like attracts like, right? Just joking .... However, cash is much easier to get back than a place setting of china? No?

How horrible!

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:33:33 AM
Author: diamondfan
But see, if you just hand out cash, even if you know they want it, you just never know. Maybe they made a car payment with it. One one hand, a gift is given without strings, but I would like to think my gift had more staying power! That is why, though I will give cash, I would rather get you a Dyson vacuum that you have been wanting, or something of that nature.

And that, diamondfan, is why I only give a lasting gift - usually a sterling picture frame - so that the happy couple receive a gift that they will hopefully look at years from now and think "oh, that frame was a wedding gift..." I like giving timeless gifts that are perhaps something the couple wouldn''t buy for themselves, but can be used in their new home. If they want massages or dinners for their honeymoon, I dont consider that my responsibility. But hey, luckily I''m not going to any weddings that require me to give cash or finance honeymoons. If they did, I still wouldn''t do it.

 

[doodle]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:43:26 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 5/14/2008 1:33:33 AM
If they want massages or dinners for their honeymoon, I dont consider that my responsibility. But hey, luckily I''m not going to any weddings that require me to give cash or finance honeymoons. If they did, I still wouldn''t do it.

interesting wording there, and surfgirl, im picking on you because you were the last before me to comment, but i noticed others who used similar phrasing, so don''t take this personally please! it''s not your RESPONSIBILITY to get them anything, whether their preference was a toaster, a honeymoon contribution, or a fist full of benjamins! giving someone a gift is supposed to be about doing something generous, considerate, and thoughtful for someone you care about, and what is considerate or thoughtful can''t necessarily be determined by preexisting social traditions.

my FI and i are registered for fun stuff to do during our honeymoon. we''ve already paid for the trip, we''ve kept the registry TASTEFUL (someone mentioned massages earlier--i think anything involving some level of nudity is inappropriate for a registry, but maybe i''m an old fuddy-duddy at 24!)

the traditional registry was designed to help a couple just starting out on their own to have a home equipped with basic necessities, and it''s a useful custom if it''s your first time on your own, but nowadays, that''s rarely the case. i''ve lived on my own for many years, and my FMIL got me the only household item i actually needed for my birthday--a fire extinguisher...anything else kitchen related is like giving logs to a fireplace and expecting them to last a lifetime! my FI is a decade older than me and divorced, so he purchased tons of household items post-divorce. when we moved in together, we spent an OBSCENE amount of money on other household items we wanted, so based on all those circumstances, where exactly is the thoughtfulness of someone getting us ANOTHER frying pan? and if a gift is given without any consideration for the recipient, what''s the point?

my cousin just got married two weeks ago, i''m next in october, and the two of us are the first in my family on over twenty years, so a lot of our family really wanted to get us gifts, and that''s incredibly kind of them. in typical form, my cousin and i did things in completely opposite ways--her registry included a $400 trash can (no, those two zeroes are NOT a typo!) while mine includes a side trip to pompeii to sight see. from what i''ve heard so far through the grapevine, my family has found the trash can far more offensive!

the one social convention in all this that i''m a HUGE adherent to, however, is how you spread registry information. putting that in a wedding invitation is just bad form!

 

[Delster]

Date: 5/13/2008 10:28:56 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
In many cultures, it is the norm to give money. For my Jewish friends in NY, you NEVER give anything else. Same with my friends from cyprus, germany, my stateside irish and german relatives also believe money is best. When I told one of my Chinese friends that we were having a registry, she was horrified. In China, giving a gift rather than money is like saying the reciever is so bad with money you couldn''t trust them with it. Interestingly, that is exactly what you said.

It''s the same in the old country brazen! Cash is the accepted gift here, even from the couple''s parents and immediate family. Couples often have registries for the benefit of the doting grand-Aunties who want to buy china etc but those same doting grand-Aunties usually grumble about the poor etiquette of actually having a registry.

I do agree that it seems uncouth to ask for a gift (whether cash or not). A gift should be treated as an unexpected bonus I think.

Of course you could go all out like one of my family and keep a running tally of the cash gifts written on a pad, face up on the kitchen table, in full view of anyone who happens to drop in for a cup of tea!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/13/2008 9:25:51 PM
Author: kbarro1
While I am of the school of thought that you should not ask for money as a gift, I am not going to get on a soapbox here...

I was just going to say that for those of you who don''t want to flat out ask for money as a gift, why not have a money dance at your wedding? I am not sure if everyone has heard of this or if this is just a southern thing, but it''s just what it sounds like-you play a song for as long as people keep coming and giving and the bride and groom dance with them for about half a minute or so and then they pin money on them. This gives you a chance to say thank you to the person, chat about the ceremony, etc. and get some cash as gifts. That way, people can give you a gift or cash, it is completely up to them and you don''t ever have to flat out say we prefer money. It is kind of a roundabout way of doing it. Just a thought...

I''ve heard of it and I''ve seen it at just a couple of weddings I''ve attended (I''m from the north). I''ve seen it done in a few different ways too. I''m not a fan of the money dance because that''s a completely flat out "give us money" request. People can still dance with the happy couple during the reception without money exchanging hands. I don''t like that idea. I''ve always thought, "I''ve spent X amount of dollars to get here [if I''ve traveled quite a distance], I''ve given a shower gift and a wedding gift. I''m here to celebrate your special day with you because I love you. I am not, however, going to spend more money."

I can see all sides to the registry argument actually, but I still wouldn''t ask for money, even if it''s in a "roundabout way."

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:43:26 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 5/14/2008 1:33:33 AM
Author: diamondfan
But see, if you just hand out cash, even if you know they want it, you just never know. Maybe they made a car payment with it. One one hand, a gift is given without strings, but I would like to think my gift had more staying power! That is why, though I will give cash, I would rather get you a Dyson vacuum that you have been wanting, or something of that nature.

And that, diamondfan, is why I only give a lasting gift - usually a sterling picture frame - so that the happy couple receive a gift that they will hopefully look at years from now and think ''oh, that frame was a wedding gift...'' I like giving timeless gifts that are perhaps something the couple wouldn''t buy for themselves, but can be used in their new home. If they want massages or dinners for their honeymoon, I dont consider that my responsibility. But hey, luckily I''m not going to any weddings that require me to give cash or finance honeymoons. If they did, I still wouldn''t do it.

Totally agree!

Interesting that you give silver picture frames Surfgirl - that is normally my gift of choice. Hey, everyone needs something to put their wedding photo in!

Everyone who has got one so far has loved it - or at least they have them up in their house when I''ve been round...

My cousin is only not getting one because I couldn''t find one I liked!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/14/2008 1:43:26 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 5/14/2008 1:33:33 AM

Author: diamondfan

But see, if you just hand out cash, even if you know they want it, you just never know. Maybe they made a car payment with it. One one hand, a gift is given without strings, but I would like to think my gift had more staying power! That is why, though I will give cash, I would rather get you a Dyson vacuum that you have been wanting, or something of that nature.

And that, diamondfan, is why I only give a lasting gift - usually a sterling picture frame - so that the happy couple receive a gift that they will hopefully look at years from now and think 'oh, that frame was a wedding gift...' I like giving timeless gifts that are perhaps something the couple wouldn't buy for themselves, but can be used in their new home. If they want massages or dinners for their honeymoon, I dont consider that my responsibility. But hey, luckily I'm not going to any weddings that require me to give cash or finance honeymoons. If they did, I still wouldn't do it.

Photographs from a lovely honeymoon can have the exact same effect. In fact, I would send out great photos of whatever beautiful locations we visited to those that were willing to contribute to the trip (and that would be photos with and without us so they could frame anything that looked nice for decorative reasons but would be ruined with people in it). I would much rather have the fond memories of visiting places I had never been to, or maybe would not have been able to visit otherwise, over a silver picture frame. I think what it really comes down to is the ego of the gift giver. Some people want to give something that makes themselves feel better. Something with staying power so *they* can feel like what they gave will be around and perhaps remind the couple of them for years to come?? Of course, if I need a household item to remember you, er, you're not invited to the wedding.

 

[Pandora II]

Frankly I think this thread is starting to get to the ''pie'' stage.

People have their own views on the whole wedding gift/cash bar scenarios and there is no point in arguing over it. If someone asks for advice on what they should do, then I will give my opinion as I''m sure others will give theirs.

Each of us knows who is coming to our weddings, the cultural/social background of them and their guests and each of us has our own feelings on what way we like to give gifts and our views on what is and is not appropriate.

So do whatever is right for you.

 

[diamondfan]

Pandora, you are right.

Just wanted to add to Moon that I have NO ego about my gift, but would like to think it means something to the recipient. Otherwise, why bother? Since a gift is something one is not really supposed to demand or expect, I have options as to what I can do. Isn't it the thought that counts? Heck, my 6 year old knows THAT. I prefer it be something they like, but have to feel comfortable giving it too. One year my mother in law wanted a face life and demanded for her birthday that we pay for part of it. For many reasons we said no. She managed to get it done anyway and sued her doctor cuz she hated her results. What a shocker. We were not comfortable so we declined to contribute. Someone can ask, and either people do it or they don't.

I have also, for the couple who needs no towels or frying pans, made a donation to a charity of their choice, in honor of their wedding.

 

[MoonWater]

Pandora, I agree which is why I don't understand any averse reaction to it if the couple does in fact know their guests well. In this thread you had people telling me that I will offend some of the "oldies" (btw they ALWAYS give cash) and wondered about the wording on the invitation. How silly and unnecessary to assume I don't know my own circle. I know some people are "forced" to have bigger weddings and they invite people, perhaps family members they haven't seen in ages, and thus they need to worry about offending people. But obviously that isn't my problem. As I said before, as times change, people should spend less time being offended and more time considering the wants and needs of the recipient of the gift. I'm sure in a decade, a honeymoon registry will seem much more normal and people will wonder why it was ever such a big deal (much in the same way as a lot of old traditions that people no longer follow...like having a registry in the first place!!)

ETA: I couldn't help but notice that everyone that was offended made the assumption that they were FORCED to give cash or contribute to a honeymoon. It's just a *suggestion* just like a registry.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/14/2008 8:42:44 AM
Author: diamondfan
Pandora, you are right.


Just wanted to add to Moon that I have NO ego about my gift, but would like to think it means something to the recipient. Otherwise, why bother?


I have also, for the couple who needs no towels or frying pans, made a donation to a charity of their choice, in honor of their wedding.

Ok, you don't think a honeymoon means something to the recipient? That's some faulty logic there. Hell, even the ability to make a car payment is meaningful to them. So it really does go back to the ego of the gift giver. You want *your* gift to mean more than a car payment. I give without strings always. I couldn't care less what my gift of cash is used for if it helps the recipient in some way.

 

[diamondfan]

Like I said, I want it to mean something BUT I like to feel okay about it. There is no law in gift giving that says the giver has to give whatever is asked for, even if they have an issue for some reason. When you go to get something off a registry, I am sure you still gravitate towards things on their list that you like too. If that is ALL they want, and I am not okay with it, I guess there is a problem. A gift is not obligatory nor should it be something demanded. If I am cool with throwing money into a pool for something larger, I have no issue giving them a check. I would never ask what it is for after giving it, or ask how they used it. But if I am not comfortable with it, I do not give it. Period. And if they hate what I do give, so be it...life will go on. It is just a different time. Not sure how old you are, but when I got married 18 years ago I got some odd gifts. I wrote a thank you note thanking them for THINKING of us on our wedding day, and for attending, if they did. I did not gush and say I loved it etc. But I had the manners to just figure, not all gifts are winners, and since I did not have the wedding to get gifts I just appreciated the ones that we really wanted and gave the others away.

 

[MoonWater]

Yeah, this is getting off track. It has jack to do with having manners and thanking the giver for the thought, which counts the most. I think it's clear that's not what this is about and I am definitely the person that would thank people for whatever they chose to give me. But it has nothing to do with the topic. And, as I stated before you are not obligated to do anything and no one is demanding anything from you. It is a suggestion just like any other thing on a registry, no one is forcing you.

Sure it's no law, it would simply be NICE to give what a person actually wants. I think it sucks when a person is stuck with a bunch of gifts that they can't use and didn't want. Sure, it's the thought that counts. But they might as well had donated to Goodwill instead because now the couple has to make a trip to donate the items that don't fit their life at all. To me, when a giver gives such items, they are most definitely giving for themselves and not for the couple. As far as me purchasing off a registry, actually you're incorrect. I tend to go for the things that are really needed but aren't necessarily fun to give (and something I wouldn't "like" myself), because most other givers gravitate toward the fun stuff only.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, with all the stuff in the world that IS serious, I guess, at the end of the day, the nerve of some people to give me a gift I do not love, and my having the wholly offensive task of taking my precious time to dispose of said gifts is not the end of the world. Such is life. If that is the WORST thing that goes on surrounding a wedding, I would count myself lucky. Hey, I might even regift a couple of things!!! Anyone want a hand knitted afghan in puce, beige and orange? Knitted with love by Aunt What's her name...does not match my color and it is itchy to boot!

And don't even THINK of giving me cherry pie. I HATE it.

 

[MoonWater]

See, we're just different. Because I would use your analogy about all the serious issues going on in the world and say it seems silly to be offended by a couple preferring cash over gifts. Also, I think regifting is utterly tacky. I also think it sucks to be put in the position when Aunt May asks how that picture frame is working out for you and you have to either a) lie and say it's great even though you donated/regifted it; b) be honest and hurt her feelings; or c) actually keep the damn thing even though it doesn't remotely match the decor of your home. In the end, if I am offended by the choices of the recipient, they are probably people I don't want to give to anyway and so there goes that problem. If I love and care about them, however, they will not offend me. I'll want to help in anyway I can and if they want something I wouldn't typically give, so be it.

 

[diamondfan]

Uhhh...Regifting comment was a JOKE. I would never do it and have never. I give it away or donate it if it is something I cannot use. And trust me, I got some of the weirdest gifts ever. Including knives with FOOD on them, tomoto seeds if I recall correctly.

I am not saying it is a big deal to want certain things. If you can nicely and subtly deliver that message, great. You still may end up with some stuff of no use. I was just raised knowing NO ONE owes me a gift under any circumstances. I thought it amazing that some people posted ire and seemed indignant that someone might actually have the gall to give them something they did not want. That is the way it goes sometimes, deal with it. The sense of entitlement and the attitude of, I am paying for food and drink for you, how dare you not give me something of X value that I WANT, well that is just bratty and obnoxious. How about, DON''T throw a wedding and use all the money you save to buy what YOU want! (and I am not saying you in specific). Sheesh, I would hope my kids never act that spoiled.

 

[Puppmom]

I''m getting married in Sept and, we too, don''t want any gifts but I think it''s generally considered distasteful to direct your guests at all regarding your gift since we''re not really entitled to anything. We considered asking that they donate to a charity or specifying no gifts but think that guests just like to make their own choice. With no registry, you''re more likely to get cash and I don''t see anything wrong with your bridal party and/or family saying (if asked) that you don''t need anything but you''re saving for a trip to Europe.

From the guest perspective, I was asked for cash a few years back in a Wedding Shower invite and I was really ticked. I wasn''t terribly close to the person (she was my boyfriend''s friend''s wife) and I felt like I was invited to a fundraiser!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/14/2008 8:42:44 AM
Author: diamondfan
Pandora, you are right.

Just wanted to add to Moon that I have NO ego about my gift, but would like to think it means something to the recipient. Otherwise, why bother? Since a gift is something one is not really supposed to demand or expect, I have options as to what I can do. Isn''t it the thought that counts? Heck, my 6 year old knows THAT. I prefer it be something they like, but have to feel comfortable giving it too. One year my mother in law wanted a face life and demanded for her birthday that we pay for part of it. For many reasons we said no. She managed to get it done anyway and sued her doctor cuz she hated her results. What a shocker. We were not comfortable so we declined to contribute. Someone can ask, and either people do it or they don''t.

I have also, for the couple who needs no towels or frying pans, made a donation to a charity of their choice, in honor of their wedding.

Ditto.

 

[luckystar112]

It seems like picture frames are the "go to" gift for a lot of people.
My mom told me that she got NINE at her wedding (and it was actually a barbeque with only 30 people).

After hearing that, I won't buy anyone a frame anymore. I (personally) never thought it was that thoughtful anyway. I always look on the registry first, and if someone had a honeymoon registry I would TOTALLY get them something off of it. I like gifts where people get to experience things though. I feel like experiences in life are way more treasured, loved, and remembered than any flatware!

I like this site: www.xperiencedays.com

Edit: That came out wrong...I love picture frames and I always buy them from myself! I'm just afraid of getting nine. lol

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/14/2008 10:14:07 AM
Author: diamondfan
Uhhh...Regifting comment was a JOKE. I would never do it and have never. I give it away or donate it if it is something I cannot use. And trust me, I got some of the weirdest gifts ever. Including knives with FOOD on them, tomoto seeds if I recall correctly.

I am not saying it is a big deal to want certain things. If you can nicely and subtly deliver that message, great. You still may end up with some stuff of no use. I was just raised knowing NO ONE owes me a gift under any circumstances. I thought it amazing that some people posted ire and seemed indignant that someone might actually have the gall to give them something they did not want. That is the way it goes sometimes, deal with it. The sense of entitlement and the attitude of, I am paying for food and drink for you, how dare you not give me something of X value that I WANT, well that is just bratty and obnoxious. How about, DON''T throw a wedding and use all the money you save to buy what YOU want! (and I am not saying you in specific). Sheesh, I would hope my kids never act that spoiled.

Thank gawd it was a joke. I thought that was horrible.

My point wasn''t that the couple should feel entitled to a gift and be indignant that someone would give them something they didn''t ask for. My point was that gift givers should not feel entitled to give whatever the please knowing full well it serves no purpose to the couple (i.e. they have all the housewares they need) because it''s selfish and inconsiderate (seriously, why buy a gift at all?) and they should not be indignant that a couple would suggest a gift more to their liking, even if it is a honeymoon.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 5/14/2008 8:52:39 AM
Author: diamondfan
Like I said, I want it to mean something BUT I like to feel okay about it. There is no law in gift giving that says the giver has to give whatever is asked for, even if they have an issue for some reason. When you go to get something off a registry, I am sure you still gravitate towards things on their list that you like too. If that is ALL they want, and I am not okay with it, I guess there is a problem. A gift is not obligatory nor should it be something demanded. If I am cool with throwing money into a pool for something larger, I have no issue giving them a check. I would never ask what it is for after giving it, or ask how they used it. But if I am not comfortable with it, I do not give it. Period. And if they hate what I do give, so be it...life will go on. It is just a different time. Not sure how old you are, but when I got married 18 years ago I got some odd gifts. I wrote a thank you note thanking them for THINKING of us on our wedding day, and for attending, if they did. I did not gush and say I loved it etc. But I had the manners to just figure, not all gifts are winners, and since I did not have the wedding to get gifts I just appreciated the ones that we really wanted and gave the others away.

To be perfectly honest, to give something iregarldless of whether the reciever would want it because you like it or think they should like it is the most selfish thing I can think of with gifts. If it is the thought that counts, what does that thought say? I don''t care enough about you to give you something you would want? Or maybe, you taste isn''t good enough so I am going to give you something I think is better?

As a giver, my FIRST priority is to give them something they want. If they want an ugly lettuce shaped salad bowl from the 50s, then that''s what I get them because they thought is, I love you enbough to overcome my horror at said item and give it to you anyway.

 

[Linda W]

YAY and AMEN to Diamondfan and roseg.

Linda

 

[Courtneylub]

Goodness gracious, this thread went crazy.

It doesn't seem to me that anyone on PS has asked guests for money. Why do we keep talking about that?

There are some who think registering for a honeymoon is no big deal, others think it's tacky. Fine.

FI and I paid for our honeymoon on our own. If guests ASK, we tell them we're registered at BBB and www.honeyfund.com. Our friends hosted our couples shower and put that on the invitations as well. We gave people options and most contributed towards our honeymoon activities.

If anyone sees anything wrong with that, get with the times.\

ETA: If I seem snippy it's because I have a horrible pinched nerve in my neck and I'm waiting for my Vicodin to kick in.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/14/2008 11:48:05 AM
Author: luckystar112
It seems like picture frames are the 'go to' gift for a lot of people.
My mom told me that she got NINE at her wedding (and it was actually a barbeque with only 30 people).

After hearing that, I won't buy anyone a frame anymore. I (personally) never thought it was that thoughtful anyway. I always look on the registry first, and if someone had a honeymoon registry I would TOTALLY get them something off of it. I like gifts where people get to experience things though. I feel like experiences in life are way more treasured, loved, and remembered than any flatware!

I like this site: www.xperiencedays.com

Edit: That came out wrong...I love picture frames and I always buy them from myself! I'm just afraid of getting nine. lol

Haha, I'm afraid of getting them as well. Especially silver ones (all of mine are wood). Not to mention we aren't the type of couple to display wedding photos. I'll put them in a nice book but that's it. Now that I think about it, I have only given a couple of picture frames in my life and they were unique and/or colorful and given to a person who just had a child.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/14/2008 12:00:36 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 5/14/2008 8:52:39 AM
Author: diamondfan
Like I said, I want it to mean something BUT I like to feel okay about it. There is no law in gift giving that says the giver has to give whatever is asked for, even if they have an issue for some reason. When you go to get something off a registry, I am sure you still gravitate towards things on their list that you like too. If that is ALL they want, and I am not okay with it, I guess there is a problem. A gift is not obligatory nor should it be something demanded. If I am cool with throwing money into a pool for something larger, I have no issue giving them a check. I would never ask what it is for after giving it, or ask how they used it. But if I am not comfortable with it, I do not give it. Period. And if they hate what I do give, so be it...life will go on. It is just a different time. Not sure how old you are, but when I got married 18 years ago I got some odd gifts. I wrote a thank you note thanking them for THINKING of us on our wedding day, and for attending, if they did. I did not gush and say I loved it etc. But I had the manners to just figure, not all gifts are winners, and since I did not have the wedding to get gifts I just appreciated the ones that we really wanted and gave the others away.

To be perfectly honest, to give something iregarldless of whether the reciever would want it because you like it or think they should like it is the most selfish thing I can think of with gifts. If it is the thought that counts, what does that thought say? I don''t care enough about you to give you something you would want? Or maybe, you taste isn''t good enough so I am going to give you something I think is better?

As a giver, my FIRST priority is to give them something they want. If they want an ugly lettuce shaped salad bowl from the 50s, then that''s what I get them because they thought is, I love you enbough to overcome my horror at said item and give it to you anyway.

Couldn''t agree more. I''ve certainly bought some gifts I would NEVER own lol.

 

[sumbride]

Yawn....

every time this subject comes up (at least 2-3x a year), it results in this type of discussion.


For my wedding, I got very little cash, lots of things that weren''t on my registry and lots that were, 4 picture frames (two were digital), and 2 framed copies of my invitation... one had a watercolor painting done on it.

The cash was nice, but I spent it quickly and don''t really remember who it came from or what I spent it on...

My favorite gifts? I really like the Armetale platters and bowls.... I didn''t register for them, but apparently they are THE go-to wedding gift among my mom''s friends. I''ve used them to cook on the stove, in the oven, on the grill, put them in the fridge and freezer and used them to serve at parties as well as during the week. In short? AWESOME. And it''s not something I really knew about... so I''m glad that the people that gave them to us thought beyond the registry to give us something totally useful, but still pretty and luxurious at the same time. We got dozens of them, all different shapes and sizes and patterns, so I returned/exchanged quite a few but still kept several. The way it works in my hometown is that people call the local shop, tell them how much they''re looking to spend and ask the shop to pick something. So these platters came in at several different appealing price points. Odd? Yes, but that''s how it worked for me. I come from a small Southern town though, so your location may vary. I also had a gigantic wedding, though I wasn''t "forced" to by any means.

My brother in law wants to get us something not on the registry... wants it to be something we really want... so he still hasn''t gotten us anything. We really can''t think of anything to tell him that we want because we got so much... and he hasn''t picked anything either. I imagine in 5 or 10 years he''ll do something and call it the wedding gift, but it would have meant more (at this point) if he''d just picked something already... anything, list or not. Now it''s like hanging over our head to pick something, because he keeps asking, but we can''t think of anything and feel funny about it.

 

[Linda W]

sumbride,

I have their chip-n-dip platter. I LOVE it. I''m glad you like their product line.

Linda

 

[sumbride]

Date: 5/14/2008 12:31:48 PM
Author: Linda W
sumbride,

I have their chip-n-dip platter. I LOVE it. I''m glad you like their product line.

Linda

Yep, I have a couple of those too (different sizes)! If you put them in the fridge or freezer before serving the dip stays really cold. And the trays are great for defrosting meat as well. it''s like instant.

sorry for the hijack, but presents should be FUN!

 

[Linda W]

Hey great idea. I never thought of doing that.

I was always in a hurry. Now I know better. Thank you for the ideas.

Linda