HORRIBLE and/or HYSTERICAL pregnancy moments

[Lauren8211]

I am officially traumatized.

I told FI last night that he should expect tons of stinky, foul farts, constant burping, emotional outbreaks, and possibly peeing or defecating on myself when I get pregnant. Possibly all at the same time.

He just laughed and said "So your eventually being pregnant is probably payback for me and the 4 years I''ve been non-stop farting in front of you?"

 

[Jas12]

Tgal--i feel the *exact* same way about labor and partnership with DH. He saw me at my worst--stretched to the brink both emotionally and physically. I often recount my delivery. It was a really emotional day for a us both & I frequently ask him questions about how he felt etc. Undoubtedly it brought us closer and we felt like a true team that day.
Amazingly the ''gross'' stuff didn''t freak him out at all. He says the freakiest thing was see the head come out. He said it was an out of body experience. Freakish in a ''how the heck is this happening/that is what has been in there for 9 mos" kind of thing. The blood, ick, etc. didn''t really phase him. Phased me. I was *not* prepared for the amount of blood loss. My bed looked like someone had been slaughtered.
.......

Post-baby Peeing: I read ever book out there and was not prepared for that! I guess b/c my pushing stage was fast and furious i temporarily damaged my bladder. For a couple of weeks post birth i would just randomly loose control of my bladder. It was a complete emptying with absolutely no control. Thank god i was still wearing those massive hospital grade maxi pads at the time and wore black just in case, I was so afraid it wouldn''t go away (could you imagine

) but it did.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:49:35 AM
Author: Jas12
Tgal--i feel the *exact* same way about labor and partnership with DH. He saw me at my worst--stretched to the brink both emotionally and physically. I often recount my delivery. It was a really emotional day for a us both & I frequently ask him questions about how he felt etc. Undoubtedly it brought us closer and we felt like a true team that day.
Amazingly the ''gross'' stuff didn''t freak him out at all. He says the freakiest thing was see the head come out. He said it was an out of body experience. Freakish in a ''how the heck is this happening/that is what has been in there for 9 mos'' kind of thing. The blood, ick, etc. didn''t really phase him. Phased me. I was *not* prepared for the amount of blood loss. My bed looked like someone had been slaughtered.
.......

Post-baby Peeing: I read ever book out there and was not prepared for that! I guess b/c my pushing stage was fast and furious i temporarily damaged my bladder. For a couple of weeks post birth i would just randomly loose control of my bladder. It was a complete emptying with absolutely no control. Thank god i was still wearing those massive hospital grade maxi pads at the time and wore black just in case, I was so afraid it wouldn''t go away (could you imagine

) but it did.

My DH said the same thig! He said it was the single coolest thing he had ever seen! But that Hunter''s head literally looked like one of the cast of "coneheads" LOL!

 

[Jas12]

haha DD. My DH still talks about how he was not prepared for the extreme ''cone head''

 

[jas]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:49:31 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I am officially traumatized.

I told FI last night that he should expect tons of stinky, foul farts, constant burping, emotional outbreaks, and possibly peeing or defecating on myself when I get pregnant. Possibly all at the same time.

He just laughed and said ''So your eventually being pregnant is probably payback for me and the 4 years I''ve been non-stop farting in front of you?''

You''ve got a keeper there! (and LOL at your 2nd paragraph)

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/23/2009 9:01:04 AM
Author: jas

Date: 6/23/2009 8:49:31 AM

Author: elledizzy5

I am officially traumatized.


I told FI last night that he should expect tons of stinky, foul farts, constant burping, emotional outbreaks, and possibly peeing or defecating on myself when I get pregnant. Possibly all at the same time.


He just laughed and said ''So your eventually being pregnant is probably payback for me and the 4 years I''ve been non-stop farting in front of you?''

You''ve got a keeper there! (and LOL at your 2nd paragraph)

ITTA..that man''s a keeper! I agree with what he said..it''s just giving them a few months of their own medicine that they''ve been dishing out for years! In the end it''s a memory and so worth it

 

[curlygirl]

OMG, I''m dying from laughing so hard!!! You ladies are killing me!

I have many similar stories of peeing on myself and I hate to tell you that it doesn''t stop once you give birth. It''s been almost 9 months since I pushed out my 2nd child and I literally have to clench everything "down there" every time I cough really hard or sneeze, just to be safe.

I had quite a few near-fainting episodes during both pregnancies. The worst one was probably when I was about 4 months pregnant with my 2nd child. We were at a wedding and it was a part where everyone had to stand up and sing a hymn. Well, the room started spinning, I was sweating, it was all swirling out of control and I just had to get out of there but the only way out of the church was to walk up the aisle. I had no choice, I had to do it. I just kept my head down and my hand on my belly the entire time but I must have looked like a drunken fool. The poor bride and groom didn''t know I was pregnant so they were a little concerned after the ceremony but everyone understood when I explained. So embarrassing.

Another DUH moment was right after I gave birth to my first. She was born on May 5 and Mother''s day was was on the 13th. We went out to lunch to celebrate and the dumbass waiter asked me when I was due even though I had my 8 day old baby right there with me.

 

[atroop711]

not sure if anyone has brought this up but PREGNANCY BRAIN!! How many of us lost our thoughts and memories during the pregnancy? Was it the pregnancy or was I having an SENIOR MOMENT?

maybe both?

 

[House Cat]

I remember watching a TON of ****...You know, the food network. Yeah. I wonder why I gained almost 70 pounds each time?

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/23/2009 10:02:05 AM
Author: atroop711
not sure if anyone has brought this up but PREGNANCY BRAIN!! How many of us lost our thoughts and memories during the pregnancy? Was it the pregnancy or was I having an SENIOR MOMENT?

maybe both?

I once spent a considerable amount of time searching for my engagement ring with tears in my eyes only to realize it was on my finger.

Don''t even ask me how in the world this happened

 

[anchor31]

These stories are priceless! I''m pretty glad I read them, because I''m definitely learning stuff I probably wouldn''t have known otherwise and I''ll be more or less ready for it...

I''m only at 13 weeks, so my embarrassing stories so far mainly consist of burping/passing gas LOUDLY in public. Seriously, I sound like my husband now!

That times I almost puked on the metro (Montreal''s subway) was pretty bad too, but thank God I didn''t actually puke.

Family gatherings were never my favorite, but when we visited my grandma to tell her the news, my uncle happened to be there and he kept saying that if it''s a boy we have to name it after him, and I mean really insisted. At one point I just lost it and said: "Look, we''re not naming the kid after anyone so shut up." I know I overreacted and looking back it''s pretty embarrassing, but come on... What''s with uncles and stupid jokes?

And while I''m at it, what''s with people and touching?! I don''t really like being touched, especially by strangers, and it took a looooong time before I let even my husband touch my tummy. So the thought of my tummy expanding for all the world to see and touch REALLY freaks me out. I''m on preventive leave and don''t work anymore, but before I left I was training someone to replace me and when I told her I was leaving, she said: "You mean I won''t be able to touch your tummy?" I almost freaked right there, fortunately my boss cut in. I just don''t get it... You wouldn''t touch someone''s tummy just like that, why would you just because there''s a baby in there?

 

[atroop711]

Anchor congratulations! I hope you have a very easy pregnancy! Enjoy it...it tends to go fast. As for labor...I hope your labor will be as quick and easy as all of mine were. It''s an exciting time!

 

[MustangGal]

I had a reallly boring pregnancy compared to you gals! No peeing, no nipple knocking, and no puking (for those poor traumatized ladies that haden''t been prego yet, there is hope!)

But the labor and after did get more interesting. After several hours of induced labor, they decided the external contraction moniter wasn''t good enough, and put one inside. As I tried to climb up the wall screaming, the doctor had the nerve to say to DH "most people have an epidural when i put one of those in"! It hurt worse than the contractions!

And milk boobs... I thought this would be my one chance to have a decent size bust (I was an A on a good day pre-pregnancy), but no one told me the boobs can be lopsided! One was about a DD, the other a small C! So I didn''t even get to enjoy the things for the few weeks I breastfed, and when I went out in public I kept wondering if other people noticed.

 

[TravelingGal]

Oh Curlygirl, that story is sad but funny! It was a hilarious mental image.

Elle, I agree - KEEPER!

MustangGal - crooked boobs...also a funny mental image.

Re: Pregnancy brain - yes. I have a bad memory as it is, but it was HORRIBLE during my pregnancy. I was trying to discuss some things with a business associate and my boss came up. The one I talk to everyday. And email, EVERYDAY. I could not remember his name! His name is Bob.

Speaking of Bob and other people touching your tummy, he and I were at an outback steakhouse after a workday. The ditzy waitress there was so touchy feeling and put her hand right on my tummy (I was 7 months) and said, oh! When are you due? I told her. She then turned to Bob and asked, "Father?"

Bob is in his late 50''s. Bob has gray hair and glasses. Bob is extremely conservative (I am flying up to San Jose to meet him today and had to buy some workclothes that were totally straight and narrow and not my style!). Bob had about 10 years shaved off his life judging by the look on his face. We both nearly yelled out, "NO!"

 

[somethingshiny]

1. Pregnancy brain: My exact words to my mother, "I need one of those things that you write with, but it's not a pen..." My mom kindly handed me the pencil before laughing her head off.

2. Morning sickness that lasted ALL day and was triggered by the smell of meat, the dishwasher, and my husband.

3. The ITCH!! I itched from head to toe all day long no matter how many lotions I used!

4. The giant baby that would sit on my bladder at inopportune times. I didn't actually pee myself, but lived in constant fear.

5. The giant baby that would lodge his foot in my gut every time I tried to eat causing additional morning sickness.

6. The doctor telling me if I didn't gain weight I was going to give birth to a malformed child!!

7. The doctor telling me I gained too much weight in one week and I was going to rip the baby's collar bone in half trying to deliver him.

8. Getting bronchitis and coughing so hard I broke 2 ribs. The subsequent help I needed to get up in the night to pee. DH had to put a stool by the bed so it was easy to get in and out AND had to help me roll my whale self over to get out.

9. The "no sex" rule I had during 6 months of pregnancy.

10. The insurance dropping my doctor and hospital 6 weeks before my due date. And, then trying to find a dr who would take a 9 month pregnant woman.

11. The THIRTY NINE HOURS OF LABOR before the dr decided we should do a c-section. My son weighed 10lbs 7oz so he obviously didn't fit the "usual" way.

Other than that, all roses and sunshine, unicorns and rainbows!

 

[steph72276]

Oh my goodness, these stories are too funny. I have a few:

1. We went to my husband's cousin's graduation and at the party, one of his other cousins comes up to me and says, "wow, if you are that big now, how big are you going to be at the end?" It was all I could do from saying "well, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" People can be so rude!

2. I drove by Krispy Kreme donuts and the HOT sign was on, so I slammed on breaks and ran inside to get one but nobody ever came to the counter. There were workers back in the back making the donuts, so after standing there for like 5 minutes, I yelled "Can I please have a donut? I have cash right here! But they didn't speak the language obviously b/c they just kept staring at me. So I drove to the nearest bakery and bought a dozen petite fours and had them in the car!

3. At the hospital, after I had been in labor for 24 hours, and pumped up with pitocin, I slowly made my way across the room to the bathroom, IV pole and all. When I came out, hubby said "hey, why don't we get this show started....do some jumping jacks!" He thought he was being funny until he saw the look of death come from me. Now we laugh about it all the time, when I'm sick he'll say, do you want to do some jumping jacks?

4. Pregnancy Brain: I was over at my parent's house which I had grown up in. I was leaving the house (no one else was there) and turned on the alarm. I was getting a few things out of my car, when a fire truck comes flying around the corner to their house. Apparently, I didn't put the right code in....I put the secret code in that you put in when you have a criminal behind you forcing you into the house to turn off the alarm...it automatically alerts the authorities without setting off the alarm. Ooops!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:49:35 AM
Author: Jas12
Tgal--i feel the *exact* same way about labor and partnership with DH. He saw me at my worst--stretched to the brink both emotionally and physically. I often recount my delivery. It was a really emotional day for a us both & I frequently ask him questions about how he felt etc. Undoubtedly it brought us closer and we felt like a true team that day.
Amazingly the ''gross'' stuff didn''t freak him out at all. He says the freakiest thing was see the head come out. He said it was an out of body experience. Freakish in a ''how the heck is this happening/that is what has been in there for 9 mos'' kind of thing. The blood, ick, etc. didn''t really phase him. Phased me. I was *not* prepared for the amount of blood loss. My bed looked like someone had been slaughtered.
.......

Post-baby Peeing: I read ever book out there and was not prepared for that! I guess b/c my pushing stage was fast and furious i temporarily damaged my bladder. For a couple of weeks post birth i would just randomly loose control of my bladder. It was a complete emptying with absolutely no control. Thank god i was still wearing those massive hospital grade maxi pads at the time and wore black just in case, I was so afraid it wouldn''t go away (could you imagine

) but it did.

DH told me it looked like a slasher movie in the op. theatre - not only did he get to see the wielding the forceps (they try not to let you see them by putting a sheet up ''a la c-section''), but I believe that 2.5 litres (just under 4.5 pints) looked pretty impressive all over the table/floor/surgeon etc!

Mind you, I ended up coming close to actually dying and with several blood transfusions and a couple of days in ICU for that one, so it''s not normal to have lose that much - but half a litre is pretty common.

WHY, WHY, WHY does NO-ONE tell you about the post-baby peeing? I was terrified to the extent that I rang my FATHER for advice on what the heck was going on and when it would stop.

I had none of the pre-baby peeing though - probably due to years of doing kegels and lower abdominals for my back apparently...

- Do not do what a friend of mine did and go into hospital with a packet of slimline panty-liners - nope, you need the industrial sized ones or even head for the incontinence section and buy everything they have! You will sometimes need 2 or 3 at once (and I didn''t have that much - since most of it ended up on the floor in theatre...).


More BAD stuff coming up...

For those of you who are worried about pooping on the table during labour - there is something FAR worse that will make you wish it was poop you were worrying about. Yup, hemmoroids.. now these are pretty common during pregnancy (along with the constant constipation) and hurt rather a lot. Now pushing is rather like trying to poop the biggest thing ever and try pushing like mad knowing that you are probably going to end up with NEW hemmoroids that might possibly reach your knees!

Trying to push whilst clenching that part does NOT work (BTDT

).


The best book for the real stuff is ''The Best Friend''s Guide to Pregnancy'' which pretty much tells it as it is (bar the post-natal peeing).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Crying b/c I was so overdue, so large (strangers would POINT at me and talk about me like I couldn''t hear) and so uncomfortable. I never had any random peeing though. Guess I was lucky!

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/23/2009 1:49:06 PM
Author: Pandora II

More BAD stuff coming up...

For those of you who are worried about pooping on the table during labour - there is something FAR worse that will make you wish it was poop you were worrying about. Yup, hemmoroids.. now these are pretty common during pregnancy (along with the constant constipation) and hurt rather a lot. Now pushing is rather like trying to poop the biggest thing ever and try pushing like mad knowing that you are probably going to end up with NEW hemmoroids that might possibly reach your knees!

Trying to push whilst clenching that part does NOT work (BTDT

).

It''s why I''ve reconsidered my entire "birth plan"

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/23/2009 1:57:33 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 6/23/2009 1:49:06 PM

Author: Pandora II


More BAD stuff coming up...


For those of you who are worried about pooping on the table during labour - there is something FAR worse that will make you wish it was poop you were worrying about. Yup, hemmoroids.. now these are pretty common during pregnancy (along with the constant constipation) and hurt rather a lot. Now pushing is rather like trying to poop the biggest thing ever and try pushing like mad knowing that you are probably going to end up with NEW hemmoroids that might possibly reach your knees!


Trying to push whilst clenching that part does NOT work (BTDT

).

It''s why I''ve reconsidered my entire ''birth plan''

Try pushing for 3 hours! Yikes! It was a war zone down there. I even asked my doc if there was a shot or something they could do yo help them heal faster.

 

[purrfectpear]

My husband was supposed to deliver our son as he was an LA County Firefighter/Paramedic and had already delivered 7 kids. I was healthy, but didn''t want to do this completely without a doctor near so we found an MD in Santa Monica who supervised in-office deliveries (back office room with a bed, nurses, oxygen, etc.). Everything was going pretty well (water broke at home) but I had severe back labor and was very slow dialating. After about 8 hours I no longer felt like getting up to pee so I just told the nurse to slap a pad under me. There was no pooping thank heavens. Anyway, I threw up the entire 9 months of my pregnancy including during labor (more on that soon). After 31 hours of labor, two bottles of pitocin (the devil''s invention), and a 180 lb. nurse straddling my body and pushing HARD on my abdomen, the doctor finally decides it''s time for a C- Section. Of course this wasn''t planned and it''s 3 in the morning. We get in the Doctor''s car and he drives to a hospital where I discover I''m going to have a doctor and an anethesiologist that I''ve never set eyes on (who has to be called and woken up). Fine, at this point I don''t care if they use a Boy Scout knife and janitor. So, I''m waiting for the guy with the needle and I''m throwing up for the upteenth time. The nurse hands me one of those tiny kidney shaped things that hold about 4 oz. Hah, she has no idea. I''m a master barfer by now, you need to hand me the trash can!!! I guess after all the barfing, I broke a vessel in my throat ''cause now it''s blood. The nurse takes one look, drops the pan and runs out of the room screaming for a doctor. Well if I wasn''t convinced I was dying in childbirth yet, I was now.

Actually it was no big deal as the doctor assured her. Finally we got the show on the road and baby Ryan was delivered after two days of labor. When they were rolling me out of the operating room they asked me if I wanted to see the baby. I think I took a glance and mumbled something about wanting to go to sleep.

By the way, they asked me if I wanted to watch as they were draping me. I was like "are you kidding? put that drape up to the ceiling NOW!!! how many mothers do you guys get that want to watch themselves gutted like a deer?"

 

[TravelingGal]

LOL, I wonder how many people we''ve scared off who were actually sitting on the fence about getting pregnant. I mean, after all this, I simply don''t UNDERSTAND why anyone would NOT have children! It''s so glamorous!!

Elle, you can also tell your man that you might get skin tags...fun little critters that grow on your neck among other places. So when he kisses you there, he might wonder if why you have sesame seeds stuck to your neck.

btw, I was so soo soooooooo happy that my boobs looked pretty good post pregnancy. They even looked kind of perky. Well, I noticed the other day they...aren''t perky. What a downer. No pun intended. It''s like they tried and tried and tried to hold their breath and puff themselves up and out and then just gave up with a big sigh.

 

[tlh]

Wow... and to think I wanted to get pregnant next year. WOAH!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Pushing hemmoroids!! I forgot about those! I don''t know how I could since every once in a while they STILL act up!

 

[Lauren8211]

Since I''m a worst case scenario/worrier... this all helps.

Automatically I''ve assumed everything that has happened to all of you, will happen to me. Obviously, that won''t be the case (I don''t think every bad possible thing under the sun will actually happen to me...I hope

), so pregnancy and L&D will actually be better than I am expecting.

I''m not worried about the pain that much... I tolerate pain quite well.

I''m not a huge fan of peeing on myself, but I hear its a fetish for some people, so maybe it''ll grow on me.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 6/23/2009 2:21:53 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Since I''m a worst case scenario/worrier... this all helps.

Automatically I''ve assumed everything that has happened to all of you, will happen to me. Obviously, that won''t be the case (I don''t think every bad possible thing under the sun will actually happen to me...I hope

), so pregnancy and L&D will actually be better than I am expecting.

Me too!

Actually one of my parents is an OB/GYN so I grew up hearing (and worrying) about all the TERRIBLE things that could happen, and I never really thought about the post-partum incontinence and skin tag stuff, which are more common and realistic worries. Neato.

I think being fully informed actually helps some of us non-mommies to make educated decisions about becoming pregnant someday.
Thanks, mommies?

 

[jas]

I think we should rename this "Sexiest Thread Ever!"

To all possible future moms...if all of these happened to one person, I would personally go to their house and tend to them for months on end.

I had very few physical problems. Mine were more in the "Good Lord, people are tools" camp.
,

 

[Dreamer_D]

Ah, all the bad stuff that happens helps keep life in perspective! Vanity needs to be put on hold for a while, you learn how supportive and loving your husband *really* is, and basically learn to roll with the punches. After everything is said and done, it doesn''t matter as much as you thought it would.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Has anyone noticed the absence of a certain DF?

 

[princesss]

Wow. I can''t imagine what I was ever afraid of. Being pregnant sounds FUN! I get to eat what I want, fart where I want, tell strangers off for being rude, and make my SO clean up after me.

In what world is this not heaven?