Fidelity

[chelsea3]

Total deal breaker and I''m speaking from my own experience. Ex-husband cheated while I was pregnant with our third child. We made an attempt to stay together. . . but for me, the cheating was an "unmasking" of sorts. I couldn''t look at him the same loving way. When I looked at him, I was totally repulsed. I was even more repulsed when he tried to touch me. As far as I am concerned, he cheated on me, our kids and our family unit. Marriage requires trust and I did not want to live a lie. I have no regrets.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 10/5/2009 7:12:27 PM
Author: Upgradable

Date: 10/5/2009 7:07:01 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 10/5/2009 6:55:04 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/5/2009 6:26:23 PM
Author: Dancing Fire



elle...what happened to your open relationship policy?

Ohhh DF.

Open means communication. Cheating means going behind my back and carrying on a relationship.

And for what its worth, we never had an ''open'' relationship. We''ve just welcomed others to our relationship, as a couple. I''ve never sent FI out on a solitary mission.

will this type of relationship continue after your marriage?

Please tell me you are inquiring, not shopping!

nahhh...mine haven''t work in over 20 yrs.

 

[vespergirl]

I don''t think it would be a dealbreaker for me, but then again, Ive never been cheated on, so I guess I don''t really know how I would react. It does depend on the circumstances.

If I were dating, engaged, or married without children, I would probably just leave. But as a married woman with a child (and another on the way) I don''t think that I would jump to that conclusion. It would also depend on whether it was a relationship, or a one night stand. If he were in love with someone else, there would be no point in staying together. I would be much more inclined to forgive a one night stand with a prostitute on a business trip.

However, I really feel like in my relationship, it''s a moot point. My husband is an extremely faithful type, and I wouldn''t have married him if I didn''t completely and implicity trust him. I have several friends who married guys who they didn''t entirely trust not to cheat even while they were dating, and now that insecurity continues into their marriages. I would have never married someone that I would even imagine had cheated on me.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/5/2009 7:05:05 PM
Author: HollyS
''We''ve just welcomed others to our relationship, as a couple.''


I beg your pardon?


You would think, at my age, I could no longer be shocked. But, instead, I''m simply flabbergasted.


In this day and age? Seriously? Do you ask for medical histories first? Have test results to exchange?

I''ve already answered all questions related to this in a thread like 6 months ago.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ok-out-with-it-monkeypie.111952/

And DF... there''s no hard and fast rule. We discuss it as it comes along. Its not "outlawed" just because we''ll be married.

 

[T L]

Date: 10/5/2009 7:48:54 PM
Author: vespergirl
I don''t think it would be a dealbreaker for me, but then again, Ive never been cheated on, so I guess I don''t really know how I would react. It does depend on the circumstances.

If I were dating, engaged, or married without children, I would probably just leave. But as a married woman with a child (and another on the way) I don''t think that I would jump to that conclusion. It would also depend on whether it was a relationship, or a one night stand. If he were in love with someone else, there would be no point in staying together. I would be much more inclined to forgive a one night stand with a prostitute on a business trip.

However, I really feel like in my relationship, it''s a moot point. My husband is an extremely faithful type, and I wouldn''t have married him if I didn''t completely and implicity trust him. I have several friends who married guys who they didn''t entirely trust not to cheat even while they were dating, and now that insecurity continues into their marriages. I would have never married someone that I would even imagine had cheated on me.

There was a pyschological study done on gender and the feelings surrounding cheating. Men felt more cheated on if there was simply sex with the female partner and another man. Women felt cheated on if there was more of an emotional connection with their male partner and another woman. Very interesting. I think many women often tend to forgive purely sexual cheating vs. emotional cheating (with or without sex).

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/5/2009 8:10:58 PM
Author: tourmaline_lover

Date: 10/5/2009 7:48:54 PM

Author: vespergirl

I don''t think it would be a dealbreaker for me, but then again, Ive never been cheated on, so I guess I don''t really know how I would react. It does depend on the circumstances.


If I were dating, engaged, or married without children, I would probably just leave. But as a married woman with a child (and another on the way) I don''t think that I would jump to that conclusion. It would also depend on whether it was a relationship, or a one night stand. If he were in love with someone else, there would be no point in staying together. I would be much more inclined to forgive a one night stand with a prostitute on a business trip.


However, I really feel like in my relationship, it''s a moot point. My husband is an extremely faithful type, and I wouldn''t have married him if I didn''t completely and implicity trust him. I have several friends who married guys who they didn''t entirely trust not to cheat even while they were dating, and now that insecurity continues into their marriages. I would have never married someone that I would even imagine had cheated on me.

There was a pyschological study done on gender and the feelings surrounding cheating. Men felt more cheated on if there was simply sex with the female partner and another man. Women felt cheated on if there was more of an emotional connection with their male partner and another woman. Very interesting. I think many women often tend to forgive purely sexual cheating vs. emotional cheating (with or without sex).

That''s exactly how I feel. I''d hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

 

[trillionaire]

I''d hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

not to you specifically, Elle, just responding to your thoughts and the thread in general...

Both sex and emotional cheating would hurt me equally... intimacy is intimacy. He''s my best friend, and we have only ever been with each other. To break the delicacy and vulnerability and sacredness of such a connection would be earth shattering to me. It is something that I love and cherish... something that can''t be recreated. I respect and uphold this intimacy for him, and I expect the same... physically and emotionally.

 

[KimberlyH]

I''ve been cheated on left; the circumstances were horrific. But in my marriage if there was infidelity I can''t say that it would be an absolute deal breaker, I do not know how I would react unless it happened.

In other words, ditto TGal.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I'm in the minority, I think it would depend on the circumstances.

And just an interesting fact I was told by a therapist, about 30% of marriages in which one partner cheats actually get stronger afterwards because the couple deal with the issues in their relationship.

Personally, if my husband went to a crazy Vegas bachelor party and got carried away, and was open and honest about it (and got an STD screen), I would make fun of him and lord it over him for awhile, but I don't think it'd be a deal breaker for me personally, just because of how I view sex and what it does and does not mean to me.

What would be a deal breaker to me is if he lied to me about it. Or if he cheated in a repeated and malicious way.

The hubby and I have talked about it, he knows how I feel. If he or I ever feels overwhelmingly tempted, we can talk about it first. For me, trust is more about open communication and honesty, and not necessarily about never making a fidelity mistake.

 

[VRBeauty]

For me, it depends.

If the cheating is a case of the SO showing his true colors... then yes, it's a deal breaker.

If the cheating is the result of other problems in the relationship... then I'd probably see it as a signal that it's time to face and deal with those problems...

and then see where we stand.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 10/5/2009 3:25:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I *think* it is a dealbreaker. But I find in marriage, oftentimes you don''t know until you get there how you feel.

I agree fully. I don''t want to say I''d call it quits right away, even though there is a pretty significant chance that I would. I think for the sake of my marriage I would try and find out how our relationship came to this and then make a decision one way or the other.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Cheating is absolutely, definitely a dealbreaker for me.

Don''t get me wrong, I love DH more than anything in the world and I am VERY committed to our marriage. However, if he cheated, then he''s not the man I thought I married and I would see no point in staying in the relationship.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 10/5/2009 8:02:24 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/5/2009 7:05:05 PM
Author: HollyS
''We''ve just welcomed others to our relationship, as a couple.''


I beg your pardon?


You would think, at my age, I could no longer be shocked. But, instead, I''m simply flabbergasted.


In this day and age? Seriously? Do you ask for medical histories first? Have test results to exchange?

I''ve already answered all questions related to this in a thread like 6 months ago.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ok-out-with-it-monkeypie.111952/

And DF... there''s no hard and fast rule. We discuss it as it comes along. Its not ''outlawed'' just because we''ll be married.

Hmmm. Yes, I see. Page after page of ''justifications''. Well, that changes everything. Carry on, then.

 

[cindygenit]

If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would dump him straight away. No need to hear his excuses or reasons.

If my life partner/DH/FI cheated on me, I would ask him why he did it. Sometimes, the partner being cheated on could be the major contributor to the reason why the other cheated. Anyhow, I love my FI very much. I would never cheat and he would never cheat on me.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 10/6/2009 12:35:43 AM
Author: HollyS

Date: 10/5/2009 8:02:24 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/5/2009 7:05:05 PM
Author: HollyS
''We''ve just welcomed others to our relationship, as a couple.''


I beg your pardon?


You would think, at my age, I could no longer be shocked. But, instead, I''m simply flabbergasted.


In this day and age? Seriously? Do you ask for medical histories first? Have test results to exchange?

I''ve already answered all questions related to this in a thread like 6 months ago.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ok-out-with-it-monkeypie.111952/

And DF... there''s no hard and fast rule. We discuss it as it comes along. Its not ''outlawed'' just because we''ll be married.

Hmmm. Yes, I see. Page after page of ''justifications''. Well, that changes everything. Carry on, then.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 10/5/2009 10:27:14 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Cheating is absolutely, definitely a dealbreaker for me.

Don''t get me wrong, I love DH more than anything in the world and I am VERY committed to our marriage. However, if he cheated, then he''s not the man I thought I married and I would see no point in staying in the relationship.

Ditto.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 10/6/2009 1:41:29 AM
Author: cindygenit
If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would dump him straight away. No need to hear his excuses or reasons.

If my life partner/DH/FI cheated on me, I would ask him why he did it. Sometimes, the partner being cheated on could be the major contributor to the reason why the other cheated. Anyhow, I love my FI very much. I would never cheat and he would never cheat on me.

that''s what they all say.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 10/6/2009 2:29:59 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 10/6/2009 1:41:29 AM
Author: cindygenit
If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would dump him straight away. No need to hear his excuses or reasons.

If my life partner/DH/FI cheated on me, I would ask him why he did it. Sometimes, the partner being cheated on could be the major contributor to the reason why the other cheated. Anyhow, I love my FI very much. I would never cheat and he would never cheat on me.

that''s what they all say.

LOL DF!!!!! Its true....

why are you so cynical?

 

[Samantha Red]

It was for me with my first husband. By the time I ''found'' out, he had been conducting a four month long affair with his PA. I found about 250 emails they had shared and it was clear they considered themselves to be in love and were making committments to one another. Even if he had tried to come back, there is no way I could have considered it. It was betrayal on so many levels, sexual and emtional (bear in mind I was going through fertility treatment trying to conceive our first child at the time too).

I could never ever tolerate cheating in any circumstances and I wouldn''t ever do it to someone else - I know how painful it is.

 

[LGK]

Date: 10/5/2009 5:14:41 PM
Author: curlygirl

Date: 10/5/2009 5:02:41 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 10/5/2009 3:25:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I *think* it is a dealbreaker. But I find in marriage, oftentimes you don''t know until you get there how you feel.

Amen sister! Most people would not do what they think they would in such a critical situation. Unless you are living it (or have lived it) there is no way to know what you would do.

Couldn''t agree more.

Yup, absolutely. From a comfortable vantage point of trusting my spouse absolutely as far as fidelity goes, I can say that I might be able to forgive it in certain circumstances. But, unless god forbid it ever comes up? I don''t really know. I might find out that I would hit the roof and pack my bags instantly, y''know? Because yeah, trust is BIG, even if the sex was a one-off, meaningless thing. The issue isn''t black and white always, depending on circumstances, and how a person behaves after they''ve made a big screw up especially.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I''m also in the ''depends on the circumstances'' camp. I would try to work things out, but whether I could actually forgive, and trust my spouse again -- I have no idea.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/6/2009 12:35:43 AM
Author: HollyS

Date: 10/5/2009 8:02:24 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/5/2009 7:05:05 PM
Author: HollyS
''We''ve just welcomed others to our relationship, as a couple.''


I beg your pardon?


You would think, at my age, I could no longer be shocked. But, instead, I''m simply flabbergasted.


In this day and age? Seriously? Do you ask for medical histories first? Have test results to exchange?

I''ve already answered all questions related to this in a thread like 6 months ago.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ok-out-with-it-monkeypie.111952/

And DF... there''s no hard and fast rule. We discuss it as it comes along. Its not ''outlawed'' just because we''ll be married.

Hmmm. Yes, I see. Page after page of ''justifications''. Well, that changes everything. Carry on, then.

my life. my choices. i will carry on as i see fit. I wasn''t trying to change your mind - we do what works for us. just trying not to interrupt the thread with a topic that''s already been discussed.

i definitely appreciate the veiled judgment though. thanks.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 10/5/2009 8:31:50 PM
Author: trillionaire

I''d hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

not to you specifically, Elle, just responding to your thoughts and the thread in general...

Both sex and emotional cheating would hurt me equally... intimacy is intimacy. He''s my best friend, and we have only ever been with each other. To break the delicacy and vulnerability and sacredness of such a connection would be earth shattering to me. It is something that I love and cherish... something that can''t be recreated. I respect and uphold this intimacy for him, and I expect the same... physically and emotionally.

I agree with Trillionaire (and many others, but this specifically caught my attention). While I originally thought emotional cheating would hurt me more, the more I think about it, I think sex and emotional cheating would be equally hurtful. DH and I have also only been with each other and if he went out and cheated on me with another woman, I would be devastated. I don''t know if I would classify it as "dealbreaker" because I just love him too much to give up and I can''t see myself walking away from him or our marriage no matter what, but sex or emotional cheating would be equally devastating to me. Sex has been something that has connected us on so many new levels since we got married and just thinking that he could be intimate in that way with someone else would hurt me just as deeply as if he became emotionally connected to another woman.

 

[Ali]

If you do not have something helpful for the Original poster, do not post.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/6/2009 9:13:33 AM
Author: Lilac

Date: 10/5/2009 8:31:50 PM
Author: trillionaire

I''d hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

not to you specifically, Elle, just responding to your thoughts and the thread in general...

Both sex and emotional cheating would hurt me equally... intimacy is intimacy. He''s my best friend, and we have only ever been with each other. To break the delicacy and vulnerability and sacredness of such a connection would be earth shattering to me. It is something that I love and cherish... something that can''t be recreated. I respect and uphold this intimacy for him, and I expect the same... physically and emotionally.

I agree with Trillionaire (and many others, but this specifically caught my attention). While I originally thought emotional cheating would hurt me more, the more I think about it, I think sex and emotional cheating would be equally hurtful. DH and I have also only been with each other and if he went out and cheated on me with another woman, I would be devastated. I don''t know if I would classify it as ''dealbreaker'' because I just love him too much to give up and I can''t see myself walking away from him or our marriage no matter what, but sex or emotional cheating would be equally devastating to me. Sex has been something that has connected us on so many new levels since we got married and just thinking that he could be intimate in that way with someone else would hurt me just as deeply as if he became emotionally connected to another woman.

I think it mostly goes back to your individual views on sex and your experiences at a younger age. I just simply don''t hold sex in such a high regard -- maybe I should, but my baggage is neither here nor there.

At the risk of this coming out the wrong way - I can have sex with anyone.(I am NOT saying that I do-- far from it, actually.) I cannot open up to just anyone. I STILL have difficulty opening up emotionally to FI. I think that''s why I think it would hurt me so deeply. If you get "in" with me emotionally, that''s a feat. I think in my whole life, the only one who knows who I TRULY am is my FI.

That definitely reflects onto my views on infidelity... and why I don''t necessarily think it''s a deal breaker if it were to be just sex. With hard work, I think trust can be repaired, and I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 10/6/2009 9:19:19 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/6/2009 9:13:33 AM

Author: Lilac

Date: 10/5/2009 8:31:50 PM

Author: trillionaire

I'd hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

not to you specifically, Elle, just responding to your thoughts and the thread in general...

Both sex and emotional cheating would hurt me equally... intimacy is intimacy. He's my best friend, and we have only ever been with each other. To break the delicacy and vulnerability and sacredness of such a connection would be earth shattering to me. It is something that I love and cherish... something that can't be recreated. I respect and uphold this intimacy for him, and I expect the same... physically and emotionally.

I agree with Trillionaire (and many others, but this specifically caught my attention). While I originally thought emotional cheating would hurt me more, the more I think about it, I think sex and emotional cheating would be equally hurtful. DH and I have also only been with each other and if he went out and cheated on me with another woman, I would be devastated. I don't know if I would classify it as 'dealbreaker' because I just love him too much to give up and I can't see myself walking away from him or our marriage no matter what, but sex or emotional cheating would be equally devastating to me. Sex has been something that has connected us on so many new levels since we got married and just thinking that he could be intimate in that way with someone else would hurt me just as deeply as if he became emotionally connected to another woman.

I think it mostly goes back to your individual views on sex and your experiences at a younger age. I just simply don't hold sex in such a high regard -- maybe I should, but my baggage is neither here nor there.

At the risk of this coming out the wrong way - I can have sex with anyone.(I am NOT saying that I do-- far from it, actually.) I cannot open up to just anyone. I STILL have difficulty opening up emotionally to FI. I think that's why I think it would hurt me so deeply. If you get 'in' with me emotionally, that's a feat. I think in my whole life, the only one who knows who I TRULY am is my FI.

That definitely reflects onto my views on infidelity... and why I don't necessarily think it's a deal breaker if it were to be just sex. With hard work, I think trust can be repaired, and I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

Elle - just to clarify, I wasn't responding that I agreed with anything said with regard to you or anything else that went on in this thread - I was just saying in response to the original question that I personally think both sex and emotional cheating can be equally hurtful, and both would devastate me equally, but I don't think either would be a "dealbreaker" for me and I wouldn't just walk away from my marriage. My comments were simply meant in response to the original question, not anything said about you or your thoughts on the issue

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I can see how for some sex might not be as big a deal as emotional cheating, but for me that is not the case. But I do agree with you that I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/6/2009 9:42:32 AM
Author: Lilac

Date: 10/6/2009 9:19:19 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 10/6/2009 9:13:33 AM

Author: Lilac

Date: 10/5/2009 8:31:50 PM

Author: trillionaire

I''d hate to think of my FI going to a female co-worker to confide in her about our relationship. That actually makes my stomach turn. Opening up to another woman would hurt me so much more than sex.

not to you specifically, Elle, just responding to your thoughts and the thread in general...

Both sex and emotional cheating would hurt me equally... intimacy is intimacy. He''s my best friend, and we have only ever been with each other. To break the delicacy and vulnerability and sacredness of such a connection would be earth shattering to me. It is something that I love and cherish... something that can''t be recreated. I respect and uphold this intimacy for him, and I expect the same... physically and emotionally.

I agree with Trillionaire (and many others, but this specifically caught my attention). While I originally thought emotional cheating would hurt me more, the more I think about it, I think sex and emotional cheating would be equally hurtful. DH and I have also only been with each other and if he went out and cheated on me with another woman, I would be devastated. I don''t know if I would classify it as ''dealbreaker'' because I just love him too much to give up and I can''t see myself walking away from him or our marriage no matter what, but sex or emotional cheating would be equally devastating to me. Sex has been something that has connected us on so many new levels since we got married and just thinking that he could be intimate in that way with someone else would hurt me just as deeply as if he became emotionally connected to another woman.

I think it mostly goes back to your individual views on sex and your experiences at a younger age. I just simply don''t hold sex in such a high regard -- maybe I should, but my baggage is neither here nor there.

At the risk of this coming out the wrong way - I can have sex with anyone.(I am NOT saying that I do-- far from it, actually.) I cannot open up to just anyone. I STILL have difficulty opening up emotionally to FI. I think that''s why I think it would hurt me so deeply. If you get ''in'' with me emotionally, that''s a feat. I think in my whole life, the only one who knows who I TRULY am is my FI.

That definitely reflects onto my views on infidelity... and why I don''t necessarily think it''s a deal breaker if it were to be just sex. With hard work, I think trust can be repaired, and I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

Elle - just to clarify, I wasn''t responding that I agreed with anything said with regard to you or anything else that went on in this thread - I was just saying in response to the original question that I personally think both sex and emotional cheating can be equally hurtful, and both would devastate me equally, but I don''t think either would be a ''dealbreaker'' for me and I wouldn''t just walk away from my marriage. My comments were simply meant in response to the original question, not anything said about you or your thoughts on the issue

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I can see how for some sex might not be as big a deal as emotional cheating, but for me that is not the case. But I do agree with you that I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

Oh no, I know. I was just trying to show where I was coming from in comparison to where you are coming from.

Both are equally valid, absolutely!

I do honestly feel like sex SHOULD matter more, or just as much as emotions, never said my views were healthy ones.

 

[ckrickett]

For me it would depend.

If he had a mistress yes, even if no sex was involved. A mistress gets love money attention and TIME something that as a wife belongs to me. (more the time and love but you get my drift) If he got drunk at a bar and had a one night stand and told me about it I would definitely be upset I might leave and and a separation for awhile would be in order but I wouldn''t nix the marriage unless I felt that was what had to be done. It all really depends on the situation.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 10/5/2009 3:37:52 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 10/5/2009 3:25:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I *think* it is a dealbreaker. But I find in marriage, oftentimes you don''t know until you get there how you feel.

This is true. I remember last year something happened that made me wonder if my DH had been unfaithfu (He hadn''t- it was a misunderstanding on my part). It was such a shocking thought at the time...because of the level of trust I had in him. I just couldn''t imagine him cheating. Anyway, in the mix of emotions I had before I spoke to him - I remember feeling shock as well as hurt and mistrust, but also feeling that I didn''t want that to be the end of a great marriage. I wanted to continue being married to my DH. That last thought was also a strange one, because I had always assumed that any knowledge of cheating would be an ''automatic dealbreaker'' for me.

So I agree that sometimes you won''t know how you feel until you get there. I also agree with fiery that it depends on the circumstances surrounding the cheating as well.

That''s the honest truth. You''ll never know how it feels or what you would do, unless it actually happened to you. It''s possible that "what you would do" might surprise you. Speaking for myself, I "thought" for me cheating would be a deal breaker. My first husband cheated on me repeatedly and I never got over it. My present husband knew that if he cheated, he''d be out the door with nothing but the clothes on his back. But his affair was an emotional affair, not a sexual one. That muddied the waters for me. Then I was faced with a serious decision, and one I was not anxious to make because my faith in him was completely destroyed and I didn''t know what to base that decision on. That''s something I had to learn.

You''ll never know until it happens to you. Years spent together really do mean something, they''re not just numbers counting anniversaries. Your marriage is the biggest investment of your life.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 10/6/2009 9:19:19 AM
Author: elledizzy5

I think it mostly goes back to your individual views on sex and your experiences at a younger age. I just simply don''t hold sex in such a high regard -- maybe I should, but my baggage is neither here nor there.

At the risk of this coming out the wrong way - I can have sex with anyone.(I am NOT saying that I do-- far from it, actually.) I cannot open up to just anyone. I STILL have difficulty opening up emotionally to FI. I think that''s why I think it would hurt me so deeply. If you get ''in'' with me emotionally, that''s a feat. I think in my whole life, the only one who knows who I TRULY am is my FI.

That definitely reflects onto my views on infidelity... and why I don''t necessarily think it''s a deal breaker if it were to be just sex. With hard work, I think trust can be repaired, and I feel strongly about not giving up on my marriage.

Just wanted to say that I totally get what you''re saying here and feel similarly with regard to the emotional vs. physical thing.


I was also thinking about this last night and had another thought. A lot of people were saying that they''d never stay married to a no good cheating scoundrel or whatever. My feeling is that you shouldn''t marry someone unless you KNOW that they are NOT a no good cheating scoundrel. So that if down the road he does cheat, you can be certain that he is a loyal, loving husband who made a mistake.

For me it comes down to knowing your partner and knowing that both you and your partner are in it for the long haul. If I cheated, I would know that I couldn''t just take the easy way out and walk away from the relationship. I''d have to live with my guilt and work with my partner to get his forgiveness and not let his anger or my guilt prevent us from going on with our lives. That''s much more of a deterrent than his leaving me.