Engagement Ring - Best Bang for the Buck?

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/20/2006 4:45:53 PM
Author: sydneycasandra
It seems that the main confusion over whether or not $2k is a good budget stems from two different interpretations of Hog''s initial comment;

1) I want to get my GF a ring she''ll love, but I unfortunately cannot spend more than $2k. What would be the best thing I could get to make her the most happy for this amount of money.

2) I want to get my GF a ring *I* like, and I only want to spend a week''s salary on it. What is the best way to spend the least amount of money possible so I can get off the hook with this whole engagement ring thing and not look like a total cheapskate?

I''d marry the guy with explanation 1 even if it was two-HUNDRED dollars.

I wouldn''t marry the guy with explanation 2 even if it was two hundred THOUSAND dollars.

AMEN.

 

[skphotoimages]

Are you all missing Hog''s point? He doesn''t feel the need to buy into De Beers marketing about two months salary. Is a man a better man if he spends 6 months salary on a ring for his lady? No! He has every right to pick his budget, and not only that, but it sounds like he and his lucky lady will be able to live life debt free, without having to worry about money, and will get to spend time together vacationing instead. Hello! Just cause so many people here are diamond snobs (come on, you know you are) doesn''t mean you should snub someone here who comes looking for advise about a diamond, not about the type of man you deam him to be. His girlfriend sounds like she is simple when it comes to jewelry, and a $2000 ring would probably thrill her. As far as gold color. I agree that white metals will not go out of style, but it sounds as though she has both silver and gold, so I think yellow gold will enable him to make the most of his budget because he can worry less about how white a "J" color diamond looks.
And just a side note, my highschool boyfriend makes $300,000.00 a year, his wife is a very high paid college professor. Her ring is a .50 ct dianond, and she is perfectly happy with that. Any more would be "fussy" to her. The live in a reasonable house, and have just started a family. But they have the ability to travel when they want, and retire when they want. My mom''s ring is a .25 ct diamond. My parents have been retired since their mid 30''s. They have a huge house and the best SUV''s, they travel when they want, and do pretty much whatever they want, but she will NEVER want another ring. Life/Marriage/Happiness isn''t always about the biggest diamond, or the color of the metal.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/20/2006 7:29:55 PM
Author: hog

Just to answer some of the questions posed...I have the financial ability to purchase a ''better'' diamond for my girlfriend since I have no debt and make a decent income. However, to me, life is more than impressing people with the perfect diamond, nicest car or biggest house. I would rather put that money towards buying an appropriate house, going on vacations and starting a family. Maybe that makes me a bad person for not succumbing to the DeBeers marketing machine and their artifical view of love.

Hog, a few thoughts from this woman:

Life IS more important than impressing other people with the perfect diamond....but it''s not about other people. It''s not about DeBeers. It''s about your GF. *She* is the one you should impress....by getting her something she''ll love.

By saying that, I don''t mean it has to be huge....I''m saying it should be something SHE will like. I''m saying that whatever you pick shouldn''t convey "I tried to cheap out as much as I could."

I applaud anyone who is level-headed about considering the financial importance of purchases....but as someone remarked, there are those few purchases where frugality shouldn''t be the primary concern.

Making good money doesn''t mean you should automatically be irresponsible with it...but it does mean you can enjoy some of the fruits of your labor now and still meet financial goals for the future. There''s no point in making a decent income if you can''t enjoy some of it.

Trust me when I tell you.....buying a ring she''ll love IS an investment in your future. You''re embarking on bringing your lives together, and the effort you put into making a thoughtful choice today will come back to you tenfold over the years to come.

Date: 2/20/2006 7:29:55 PM
Author: hog

As for buying what she wants...she wears very little jewellery (earrings in various colours, a silver necklace once in a while and a couple of gold bracelets on special occasions). She has no rings that I know of. I want this to be a complete surprise so probing what kind of ring she would like and material it is made of would ruin the surprise.

I want you to see what can happen when a man prioritizes the "surprise" factor over the "will she love the ring" factor. Read this thread:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/unusual-e-ring-need-advice-please.39650/=

This man put a TON of time/effort into a selecting the ring, but she hates it. It''s not her.

Believe me when I tell you this: the "surprise" is not more important than making sure she''ll love the ring. The surprise will last 30 seconds. The ring will last forever. Women aren''t "really" surprised regardless.....we all know when we''re in the relationship we feel will be "the one". Leave surprises for birthday parties and anniversary dinners.

Lastly, it doesn''t matter how little she wears other jewelry, etc. An engagement ring/wedding set is in a class by itself. Many women who wear simple or little other jewelry feel even more passionately about having wedding rings they love.

I really hope you think about these things....and that you make a good choice.

 

[glitterata]

A $2000 ring is fine if it''s what his fiancee wants. My husband didn''t give me ANY engagement ring, and I was fine with that. We don''t travel in circles where people care about diamonds, and I never spent a moment of my girlhood daydreaming about engagement rings. Most of my friends don''t have engagement rings, and the few that do mostly have colored stones or .5 carat diamonds or smaller. And many of these people make quite a good living, too.

What bothers me is that this guy doesn''t know, and apparently doesn''t care, how his girlfriend will feel about the ring.

Perhaps she''ll say no. That''s what I would say in her position. Not because of the budget, but because of not caring about what she wants.

 

[tulip928]

Skphoto - Not that I'm saying he should but . . . even if he spent a wee tad more, they still will be living debt free according to what he says about himself and his income.

My apologies to you, I guess some of us ladies here are sensitive to being left out of such a special purchase or have lived with stingy mates and are personalizing this matter. How about you - did you get to pick? My parents have been married over 50 years and I remember well the story of how my dad took her shopping for her beautiful wedding set that she picked with a round center and baguette and round side stones on ering and band - still beautiful to this day...

 

[fire&ice]

Marriage is a partnership. It''s about what the collective *you* want. It''s not about what *you* want.

All I can say from my perspective in reading your initial post, I wouldn''t think *I*, as a future wife, would mean anything to you. It isn''t about the money, diamond, etc. It''s about thinking of me & what would make *me* happy - not getting out a cheap as possible.

I''m hoping about the whole troll thing.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/21/2006 11:34:04 AM
Author: skphotoimages
Are you all missing Hog's point? He doesn't feel the need to buy into De Beers marketing about two months salary. Is a man a better man if he spends 6 months salary on a ring for his lady? No! He has every right to pick his budget, and not only that, but it sounds like he and his lucky lady will be able to live life debt free, without having to worry about money, and will get to spend time together vacationing instead. Hello! Just cause so many people here are diamond snobs (come on, you know you are) doesn't mean you should snub someone here who comes looking for advise about a diamond, not about the type of man you deam him to be. His girlfriend sounds like she is simple when it comes to jewelry, and a $2000 ring would probably thrill her. As far as gold color. I agree that white metals will not go out of style, but it sounds as though she has both silver and gold, so I think yellow gold will enable him to make the most of his budget because he can worry less about how white a 'J' color diamond looks.

And just a side note, my highschool boyfriend makes $300,000.00 a year, his wife is a very high paid college professor. Her ring is a .50 ct dianond, and she is perfectly happy with that. Any more would be 'fussy' to her. The live in a reasonable house, and have just started a family. But they have the ability to travel when they want, and retire when they want. My mom's ring is a .25 ct diamond. My parents have been retired since their mid 30's. They have a huge house and the best SUV's, they travel when they want, and do pretty much whatever they want, but she will NEVER want another ring. Life/Marriage/Happiness isn't always about the biggest diamond, or the color of the metal.

I think you're missing the point of some of the criticizing posts...no one has said that $2000 is a bad budget, or that you have to spend a certain percentage of your income on a ring. The problem people are having is that we DON'T know if Hog's girlfriend really has such simple tastes that she wouldn't care, and would be happy with either white or yellow gold. Many women (myself included) are not big fans of fancy jewelry in general, but care a LOT about their engagement rings. The most I have ever spent on jewelry for myself was $40 for a watch, and I would have been very disappointed if my fiance had chosen to spend $2k on a ring because he could afford a lot more (and he still makes far less than Hog does). Because ultimately, even though Hog is the one purchasing the ring, this is NOT ABOUT HIM, it's about what his GIRLFRIEND wants. Even though she may own very little jewelry in both colors of gold, there is a very good chance that she has thought about what she wants her engagement ring to look like, and the fact that she knows Hog makes a good salary means that she is likely expecting more than a $2k ring. Hog says that HE does not want to buy into the DeBeer's marketing scheme, HE would rather spend the money on vacations, HE doesn't care about impressing other people......none of which is to say that HIS GIRLFRIEND will be happy with what he picks, or that he even cares if she will!!!! That is the part that is upsetting me. If indeed she will be happy with a .25 ct diamond, then I obviously don't think she needs a larger one! But since she knows he has a good salary, she is probably EXPECTING more than that and will be DISAPPOINTED when she sees that size center stone. Not because she has been brainwashed by DeBeer's, not because she wants to make other people jealous...just because SHE WANTS AND EXPECTS for him to consider this an important purchase!!! All in all, I agree with what the majority of posters are saying - Hog, please consider if SHE will be happy with the ring you are choosing! Do you really want to start off your engaged life together with her feeling disappointed that you don't consider this "important" enough to try to get right??

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/21/2006 9:41:48 AM
Author: ChooChoo
I totally agree with everything Wren said. And just to add, I''m guessing that most of the couples who you''re friends or acquaintances with are working with a pretty similar salary as their budget. In all likelihood, that means that every ring your fiance will see will have cost four to eight times as much as her own. Now, at Pricescope you can learn how to get the most ''bang for your buck'', but you will never make a $2000 ring look like an $8000 or $16000 ring. Your fiance will have to deal with a lot of ''Oh, that''s cute'' or ''is that a promise ring'' - and that''s just what people might say to her face - she''ll know that what they''re thinking is a lot worse. Meanwhile, she''s going to be looking at the rings that all her friends have and trying to convince herself that the difference between hers and theirs doesn''t mean that you love her any less.

All in all, the two months salary thing may be a DeBeers creation, but if you spend an eighth of what most people would in your position, you won''t be sticking it to DeBeers - you''ll only be hurting your fiance and yourself.

ETA: And that''s without even addressing what her family is going to think of you when they see the ring. I have a friend whose fiance proposed with a ring that was obviously much, much cheaper than what he could afford. She was somewhat disappointed, but her parents were heartbroken. They thought that is was a pretty good sign of how much he valued their daughter and how he would treat her for the rest of her life. She married him anyway, and I can tell you she rarely gets romantic gifts, and the parents still don''t like their son in law very much.

who cares what other people thinks? the trouble with women,they''re always competing.

 

[pebbles]

I''ve stayed out of this until now, but I just had to jump in after reading more about Hog''s feeling about this.

I think I am a pretty easy to please gal. Before I met my husband, I wore almost no jewelry -- I had one teeny tiny simple emerald pendant that I received for my 16th birthday, simple yellow gold hoop earings, and a watch. That was IT. If I went somewhere fancy, I borrowed jewelry from friends or family members. I sound a lot like Hog''s girlfriend.

However, I always dreamed about my wedding set. Not that I wanted nor expected anything huge, just that I wanted a set that I loved and looked down upon everyday with the same warm fuzzy feelings that I have for the man that I wanted to marry. I never really looked around because I was kind of supersticious (sp?) and thought when the time came we would look together.

Well one day my now-husband completely surprised me with a proposal and a ring. Totally blew me away. After a few days I realized I didn''t like the ring. He didn''t even pick it out himself, he had someone else pick it out and this person picked out something SHE liked, not thinking at all it would be what I wanted. As I said in other threads, I started to build up a lot of resentment for two reasons: 1) to me, it showed that my husband didn''t care at all about my feelings/wants; and 2) he was more interested in just getting me "something" than "something I would love". He seriously spent more time researching cars/computers/stereo systems for himself than he ever put in my ring. That REALLY hurts. All I have ever wanted was an engagement ring to be proud of -- and he blew it. Big time. I would have been thrilled with a $2,000 ring -- a $2,000 ring that he put a lot of time and effort into instead of trying to get the deal of the century. And as far as the surprise?....sure it''s nice that he surprised me, but I would MUCH rather have had no surprise and a ring that I loved.

My feelings built up for many years until one day they just came spewing out. He had no idea I felt that way and now, after several years of being married, he is starting to see the light. He still doesn''t quite understand how important an engagement ring is to a woman, but if it is important to ME it should be important to HIM.

No one is criticizing the $2,000 budget, just the reasoning behind it. If that''s all you truly feel comfortable spending that''s fine, but that is not the impression we all got.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/21/2006 11:34:04 AM
Author: skphotoimages
Are you all missing Hog's point? He doesn't feel the need to buy into De Beers marketing about two months salary.

No, I'm not missing that point. I agree that his budget shouldn't be set according to DeBeers...but I personally believe it shouldn't be set with the intention of being "as cheap as I can get away with", and I personally believe one's budget should reflect the importance and emotional nature of the purchase.

It's not about the money, per se, and it's not a message that how much you spend equates to how much you care. However, if you can afford more and you're just unwilling to stretch a bit on such an important purchase, it absolutely can send the wrong message.

Is a man a better man if he spends 6 months salary on a ring for his lady? No!

No, he isn't a better man if he spends 6 months salary. It's not about how many months salary one spends. But he isn't a better man if his expressed intention is to be cheap. He isn't a better man if he can afford to get something she'll really like, but won't ask because it might mean parting with more of his money.

He has every right to pick his budget, and not only that, but it sounds like he and his lucky lady will be able to live life debt free, without having to worry about money, and will get to spend time together vacationing instead.

I can get behind the notion of presenting a financially secure life.....but I think I'd be hurt at the thought that vacationing is more important than my happiness with my engagement ring. Both are luxury purchases, so why is the vacation more important than something that I've dreamed of? In buying her an e-ring she'll love, he has a chance (possibly) to fulfill one of her dreams. How is that less important than a vacation?

His girlfriend sounds like she is simple when it comes to jewelry, and a $2000 ring would probably thrill her.

Simplicity with other jewelry doesn't always translate to wanting simplicity in one's wedding rings. And you don't know if a $2k ring would thrill her or not....and more importantly, neither does he. That's really the crux of it.

And just a side note, my highschool boyfriend makes $300,000.00 a year, his wife is a very high paid college professor. Her ring is a .50 ct dianond, and she is perfectly happy with that. Any more would be 'fussy' to her.

There are two problems with that example in terms of relevancy: 1) We don't know how long your friends have been married, so what they make today isn't really relevant. They may have been just out of college when they bought it, and she's sentimental. And even if they made such good money when they bought, 2) your friend's wife is happy with the .50 and doesn't want more....so we KNOW that's all she wants. That isn't known about Hog's GF....he has no idea what she wants.

My mom's ring is a .25 ct diamond. My parents have been retired since their mid 30's. They have a huge house and the best SUV's, they travel when they want, and do pretty much whatever they want, but she will NEVER want another ring. Life/Marriage/Happiness isn't always about the biggest diamond, or the color of the metal.

No, life isn't about the biggest diamond or the color of the metal, but it IS about trying to make someone happy....not trying to "get out as cheaply as possible". When I pick gifts for others (birthday, Christmas, etc), I try to focus on things I think people will like, not "how cheap a gift can I get away with giving."

Wanting a bigger stone isn't just about materialism or about what other people will think. Sometimes, it's about what one thinks looks good on her hand. I wear a size 6.5, and I felt that a 6.5mm-7mm looked best on my hand. If we hadn't been able to swing that, I'd of course have been happy with whatever he could manage. My husband thinks the whole diamond thing is a bit silly....but having said that, he knows I love them and wanted to make me happy.

 

[giantfan216]

No one is missing Hog''s point. Your crazy if you don''t comprehend that people are just questioning and offering advice on the thought process behind his rationale. He is making a bold assumption by saying his girlfriend wears no jewelry therefore would not want/or care what she gets from him in the form of an engagement ring.

99% of the people on this site are looking for guidance on purchasing diamond rings, more specifically engagement rings. Out of all those men I am willing to say a SIGNIFICANT number of them have done at least SOME consulting with their significant others, friends, family etc to at least get a general idea as to what their style is and what they like. In my opinion the surprise should be the proposal not so much the ring style, etc.

Also, I have not heard anyone tell him that his budget is wrong or too small, as a matter of fact I have seen a ton of posts on this board from guy''s looking to buy a ring within that budget amount. Most don''t put out there how much they make or how much of the budget is their gross weekly salary, which doesn''t give any room for interpretation. Hog voluntarily offered that information which would simply imply that he has the means for a higher budget IF HE CHOOSES. Again that is very personal information which is 100% up to him.

The focus of the forum should be to offer some advice on how to find a great diamond & setting within his stated budget, which this forum has done many times over.

My personal opinion though.........he''s a cheapskate!

 

[ChooChoo]

"My personal opinion though.........he''s a cheapskate!"

Second that! Heck, maybe it''s better that the GF find that out now than after they''re married?

 

[decodelighted]

https://www.pricescope.com/forum/rockytalky/well-the-journey-begins-t40666.html

Hog, meet Ashland. Maybe another man''s entirely generous & loving & considerate and financially responsible perspective on the subject will inspire a change of heart.

I think AJ''s point about picking gifts you think people will like versus "what''s the cheapest gift I can get away with" is apt.

If my boyfriend was
1-- more worried about beating Debeers at their own game than pleasing me
2-- excited by spending the least amount possible on the ring
and
3-- more amped about his own joy of "suprise" than doing a lick of research about what I might want to wear on my hand everyday for the next few decades
... there''s no way I''d accept a proposal from him.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/21/2006 10:45:29 AM
Author: mrssalvo

Date: 2/21/2006 10:38:38 AM
Author: giantfan216
I couldn''t help but read this post this morning and my first thoughts were exactly the same as everyone else on the board. I will try and give a guy''s perspective on this, but here is a little background.


I have just recently completed the process of buying an engagement ring. I live in New York and I work in finance at NBC so my office is literally two blocks away from the diamond district so it was relatively easy for me to escape and really look around at thousands of diamonds. From reading this board and doing my own homework, I have become very educated at what I think is a fascinating business. My budget for a ring was $10k, which got me a 1.5ct ideal cut asscher with a solitare platinum setting. While I do appreciate the dedication to saving money for the future etc, I have to say that there are very specific times in our lives when you need to step up to the plate and spend money, which lest we forget is the reason why most of us work so hard in the first place.....to be able to afford nice things.


Hog, it sounds like you make a very good living, which to me means you work very hard. My personal feeling was that while the engagement ring I just received cost more than anything I have bought in my life (except for a car obviously), I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride knowing I could get something so nice for the person who means the world to me. And that goes for everyone who spends $2k or $200k on a ring, price doesn''t matter, it is the thought and EFFORT that means 10 times more.


Now if you want to spend $2k on a ring, I can completely understand, however my suggestion is to put as much effort into picking out the perfect one as you would for something you were spending $200k on. Please don''t underestimate the importance of this purchase, this will set up the rest of your life so just treat it accordingly.


FYI - pics of the engagement ring will be posted in a seperate thread!


Take care everyone!

very well said. your GF, future fiancee is very lucky. Can''t wait to see pics of the ring, it sounds gorgeous

I was just thinking...now THIS is the kind of guy I hope my daughters will marry!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/21/2006 11:48:05 AM
Author: glitterata
A $2000 ring is fine if it''s what his fiancee wants. My husband didn''t give me ANY engagement ring, and I was fine with that. We don''t travel in circles where people care about diamonds, and I never spent a moment of my girlhood daydreaming about engagement rings. Most of my friends don''t have engagement rings, and the few that do mostly have colored stones or .5 carat diamonds or smaller. And many of these people make quite a good living, too.

What bothers me is that this guy doesn''t know, and apparently doesn''t care, how his girlfriend will feel about the ring.

Perhaps she''ll say no. That''s what I would say in her position. Not because of the budget, but because of not caring about what she wants.

Since you don''t really care about diamonds, I''ll be glad to take your two antique diamond rings, as they are two of the most beautiful rings I have ever seen!

(If I had those, I wouldn''t need another e-ring either!)

 

[roxy7]

Hog, are you American? I saw that you spell color differently than most americans -- "colour."

If you are Canadian or English, this whole thread makes more sense to me. I have heard on this site that in Canada and in most parts of Europe, engagement rings are on average .5 carats. From what I understand, engagement rings are just not the same extravagant purchase in those countries as it is here.

 

[glitterata]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:51:57 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Date: 2/21/2006 11:48:05 AM

Author: glitterata

A $2000 ring is fine if it''s what his fiancee wants. My husband didn''t give me ANY engagement ring, and I was fine with that. We don''t travel in circles where people care about diamonds, and I never spent a moment of my girlhood daydreaming about engagement rings. Most of my friends don''t have engagement rings, and the few that do mostly have colored stones or .5 carat diamonds or smaller. And many of these people make quite a good living, too.


What bothers me is that this guy doesn''t know, and apparently doesn''t care, how his girlfriend will feel about the ring.


Perhaps she''ll say no. That''s what I would say in her position. Not because of the budget, but because of not caring about what she wants.

Since you don''t really care about diamonds, I''ll be glad to take your two antique diamond rings, as they are two of the most beautiful rings I have ever seen!

(If I had those, I wouldn''t need another e-ring either!)

Oh, I care about diamonds now! But I never thought twice about them until my mother gave me my grandmother''s ring after my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I told her we were getting married. (Thanks for your kind compliment!)

I confess, I would have liked my husband to have given me something to wear to represent our engagement. But he knew I wasn''t expecting any sort of traditional engagement ring. If I had been, and he''d known that and ignored it because of being cheap, I would have been very mad and disappointed.

 

[cinnabar]

Date: 2/21/2006 3:35:50 PM
Author: roxy7
Hog, are you American? I saw that you spell color differently than most americans -- ''colour.''


If you are Canadian or English, this whole thread makes more sense to me. I have heard on this site that in Canada and in most parts of Europe, engagement rings are on average .5 carats. From what I understand, engagement rings are just not the same extravagant purchase in those countries as it is here.

Excellent point, and absolutely true as far as most British engagement diamonds. However, Brits don''t do surprise engagement rings. I did a quick survey of all my girlfriends there last year, and got a unanimous "why would I want a man to pick my ring? What do men know about jewellery? I picked/would want to pick my ring myself".

The guideline in Britain is "one month''s salary".

 

[Caribou]

I think Hog is sounding awfully selfish. He talks about what he wants but doesn''t mention anything about what his GF wants and doesn''t really seemed too concerned. Seflish.

The only jewerly I wear is a necklace (sterling silver), a watch (when I don''t forget) and my E-RING. My e-ring is obviously my most important piece of jewelry. Like someone said, those of us who don''t wear jewelry are probably a little more wanting what we want. I will never upgrade my ring, it should be something that not only HE likes but something that I LOVE.

My FI makes decent money, I will never have to worry about finances or debt...because he won''t let it happen, he''s a practical thinker. Being practical doens''t mean cheap. And if Hog refers to himself as cheap, then no doubt she''s used to it.

Which, to me, makes it worse. If Hog and his woman have talked at all about getting married this could be the one time where she hopes that he isn''t cheap.

As far as the surprise goes, what some guys don''t seem to get is this. Just because you both talk about what kind of ring she wants does not mean that she won''t be surprised when you ask. My FI and I went ring shopping together...we both choose a ring that we both liked. He asked me to marry him about 3 months later and even though I knew I would marry him and I had a good idea of what the ring would look like..I was still surprised when he asked. I''ve said this before unless you give your woman speific details about the day you propose (show her the ring, tell her what day, what time, and where you two will be when you ask) there will be SOME element of surprise. And like someone already said, the surprises last for the seconds..what matters most is the way he asked and the ring. How horrible would/will hog feel if he asked her and she''s excited and says yes but then see the ring and is dissappointed?!?!?! Pretty horrible..but then again maybe he''d just be thinking about that fabulous vacation he can take because he cheaped out on the ring.

Hog, if you truly love this girl and want to spend the rest of your life with her...put your selfishness aside find out what she likes...you might not have to up the budget but then again maybe you will...but to see the happiness you brought to her in all aspects of the proposal (you, the way you did it, the ring) won''t that be worth the lost vacation that year.

 

[skphotoimages]

Do you all realize that 90% of the women out there know very little about diamonds? One of you made a comment about her feelings knowing he only spent $2000 on a ring, well a $2000 ring suggested by this sire would run$6000 in a mall store, and to most women, that''s all they know of. You are all making this about the ring because that is a big part of all of your lives. To YOU that''s what''s important, but in the general population I think a lot of women DO want to be surprised. Yes, I understand how you are trying to help him help her avoid disappointment, but he clearly wants to surprise her, and lets hope he knows her best.
Why should he spend more just cause he can?
Giantfan, maybe you didn''t read the posts. MOST posts were criticizing his choice of budget.
Albicocca wrote "Even though she may own very little jewelry in both colors of gold, there is a very good chance that she has thought about what she wants her engagement ring to look like, and the fact that she knows Hog makes a good salary means that she is likely expecting more than a $2k ring." I think you are right that a lot of women do imagine there ideal ring, but I think if thats whats important 90% of women out there would be devistated. How many wonem get the 2ct diamond they dream of? And that''s also labeling her rather shallow to assume she''s expecting a ring that costs more. You all just don''t get it. Just because this is a very important subject to you DOESN"T mean it is to the general public. Yes it''s good that you are trying to make sure that he is aware of possible pitfalls of surprising a girl, but 108 posts to do so? Oh thats right, only some of them are in regards to that. The rest are in regards to how "cheap" he is.
Tulip, my story is a whole story on it''s own. My husband proposed to me with no ring, spur of the moment. We had very little money so I got a plain band. He saved for a few months and I picked out my ring. I ALWAYS felt jipped that there was no surprised. Yes I am a lot like you all, and I can''t imagine letting him have full reign of picking out my ring, but I still feel jipped none the less.
And lets just say she is unhappy with the ring. How many of you have your original ring? I really don''t need answers on that one. I''ve been around long enough to know how many upgraders we have here (myself included). Personally I''d have loved to have the memory of the surprise and upgrade to the diamond I love...The best of both worlds. But then again I didn''t upgrade because I didn''t like my ring, I upgraded because we make 20x (literally) than we did a few years ago.
And on one last note, I am a wedding photographer, so I''d venture to say I see way more brides than most everyone here. I know the look on a brides when she tells me how she was "totally surprised", or how "he picked it out all on his own" It''s priceless, and I have the pictures to prove it.

 

[tulip928]

Skphoto - If you''re talking about me and my feelings about knowing he spent $2000 on my ring: it was the bragging about spending that amount on my ring and this was after 24 years of marriage - not a young couple starting out with nothing. A good buy, even finding a flawed cut to bring the price down, was his intention, and then telling me that he didn''t mind a small diamond because it was such a "good" one. It was the comparison of attitude with that displayed by Hog. Was it me you were referring to?

 

[skphotoimages]

Date: 2/22/2006 5:47:12 AM
Author: tulip928
Skphoto - If you''re talking about me and my feelings about knowing he spent $2000 on my ring: it was the bragging about spending that amount on my ring and this was after 24 years of marriage - not a young couple starting out with nothing. A good buy, even finding a flawed cut to bring the price down, was his intention, and then telling me that he didn''t mind a small diamond because it was such a ''good'' one. It was the comparison of attitude with that displayed by Hog. Was it me you were referring to?

No tulip, I was only answering you question regarding whether or not I got to help pick out my ring or not. The rest of that post was directed at others who addressed my previous post.
You sound like a sweet person.

I think there are beautiful stories both ways. Some like your parents were they shopped together, and some like mine where my mom was surprised and would love her ring forever. I just got angry that everyone here presumed Hog to be cheap (even though he slf proclaimed himself as such) in a very negative way. Many people here were attacking his character based on how he worded his post. It''s good that people wanted him to be aware that she might have a metal preference and that surprises aren''t always the way to go, but I think people here just forget that this stuff isn''t as big of a deal to the general public. If people here would help hog find the best ring within his specifications rather than spending 100 posts criticizing him, (yes I understand some posters did help) then I think his lady would be happy. $2000 goes a lot further here than in a mall store.
As far as what you said about you not having perfectly cut ring. That''s the other thing that irks me about this forum. It is so great that they help people find quality stones, and well cut stones, but there are beatiful diamonds out there that aren''t AAA Ideal. I have a 60:60 ring and it is breathtaking. I don''t even know what the cut was on my first diamond, but it outshined any diamond it was next to, other than my moms .25 that we know nothing about. I think it is wonderful that you love your ring, and the way your husband approached you. That''s truly all that matters.

 

[Caribou]

Just to address Skp''s post. The budget isn''t what bothers me...what bothers me is he seems more concerned about what HE wants or likes then finding out what she like. If he wants her to be surprised than he should just propose without a ring OR find out from friends and/or family members what she likes. Chances are she has discussed this is with at least one friend. Even better, propose with a diamond in a temp setting and then let her pick out the setting.

What also bothers me is that he admitts that $2k is cheap and that he''s being cheap about it. It''s fine if he''s a frugal person and he thinks that he would rather spend the money on a vacation or a house or whatever, but it''s not fine if she''s wanting more in a ring. So he really needs to talk with her....and find out what she wants....then they both can compromise on a ring. Trust me, I''ve dealt with the guys that admit they are ''cheap''.... it''s not fun.

Basically he needs to put his cheap selfish needs and wants aside and find out what will make the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with happy.

 

[tulip928]

Hi Caribou -

I know we are all reading into Hog''s post and I detect from it what I have experienced in my own relationship. My husband has always had an anti-conventional attitude (can make one a real sour-puss). Hog knows enough to realize that she wants an engagement ring, but he''ll be darned if he''s going to go the ends that most of the guys who come to Pricescope are going. I know I was majorly disappointed to learn my husband made an educated choice of a poorly cut stone to come in below budget (he boasted he spent even $800 less than he had alloted). That makes me sad and so I guess I''m wishing that Hog''s lady would be more honored by Hog given his circumstances. At least he could go for the best color and cut in the size he''s looking for. I don''t understand the "why" of trying to go for the lowest color he can get away with. I don''t get it!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/22/2006 9:54:41 AM
Author: tulip928
Hi Caribou -

I know we are all reading into Hog''s post and I detect from it what I have experienced in my own relationship. My husband has always had an anti-conventional attitude (can make one a real sour-puss). Hog knows enough to realize that she wants an engagement ring, but he''ll be darned if he''s going to go the ends that most of the guys who come to Pricescope are going. I know I was majorly disappointed to learn my husband made an educated choice of a poorly cut stone to come in below budget (he boasted he spent even $800 less than he had alloted). That makes me sad and so I guess I''m wishing that Hog''s lady would be more honored by Hog given his circumstances. At least he could go for the best color and cut in the size he''s looking for. I don''t understand the ''why'' of trying to go for the lowest color he can get away with. I don''t get it!

I don''t get it either. I mean the ring isn''t the most important thing but if my FI had given me a 3/4ct solitare I would be happy with that UNLESS, he boasted about how much he saved on it ''I was going to get you a 1ct RB which I know you wanted but I saved $1000 on this stone that isn''t a pretty or cut as nice or whatever'' translating to me, ''I''m geeked about the deal I got and put your wants and feelings aside because you aren''t worth that extra $1000 even though I could totally afford it without any stress to my finances'' I know this probably sounds materialistic to me....sorry I''m just being honest.

But then again, I am one of those women who will not upgrade her e-ring or w-ring, ever. This is the ring set I will have for the next 50+ years.

 

[pebbles]

Skphoto -- Obviously you have seen a lot more brides than we have given your line of work, but in MY cirlce of friends, family and acquaintences, I can count on one hand the number of women that I personally know that have been surprised by a proposal, myself included. We obviously have a difference of opinion as I would have much rather had a say in my ring than a surprise proposal. You say you didn''t get a ring when your husband proposed, but how would you have felt if you KNEW that your husband could afford a ring and chose not to give you one? I don''t think we are all missing what Hog is saying. If he came and said he is frugal or doesn''t feel comfortable spending more than $2k, there wouldn''t be 4 pages of posts decided to his topic. He is saying that he would rather spend the money on vacations and things like that. Most of us here wouldn''t.

And FWIW, I personally don''t know of ANY woman who dreamed that they would get a 2ct engagement ring. I upgraded my ring too for 2 reasons: 1) I had no say in my original ring -- long story that I won''t get into; and 2) Like you, we make a lot more money now. Is something wrong with that?

Most of my family and friends are not into diamonds or engagement rings like I am. However, I know every single one would be hurt to know that their fiance was cheap (using Hog''s own words) when it came to their engagement ring and was only interested in getting a deal or spending as little as possible.

 

[SoonIHope]

Date: 2/22/2006 9:24:10 AM
Author: Caribou
Just to address Skp''s post. The budget isn''t what bothers me...what bothers me is he seems more concerned about what HE wants or likes then finding out what she like. If he wants her to be surprised than he should just propose without a ring OR find out from friends and/or family members what she likes. Chances are she has discussed this is with at least one friend. Even better, propose with a diamond in a temp setting and then let her pick out the setting.

What also bothers me is that he admitts that $2k is cheap and that he''s being cheap about it. It''s fine if he''s a frugal person and he thinks that he would rather spend the money on a vacation or a house or whatever, but it''s not fine if she''s wanting more in a ring. So he really needs to talk with her....and find out what she wants....then they both can compromise on a ring. Trust me, I''ve dealt with the guys that admit they are ''cheap''.... it''s not fun.

Basically he needs to put his cheap selfish needs and wants aside and find out what will make the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with happy.

skphoto - THIS is exactly what I meant before regarding his budget. (Thanks Caribou!) Not that it is a bad budget or that he should feel bad if that''s all he can afford to spend...but that he is intentionally choosing to be cheap when his girlfriend knows he COULD afford more. The part that would offend me if I was his girlfriend is not that "he spent $2000", but that "he intentionally chose to spend far less than he could afford because he didn''t consider this an important purchase."

As far as her perhaps preferring a surprise and not caring about rings so much, like the general public - don''t forget that 99% of us here WERE part of the general public pre-PS!! I had no interest in diamonds whatsoever until we started talking about engagement and I started thinking, "once I''m engaged I''ll have a diamond ring" at which point I started researching more. I didn''t even care about my friends'' engagement rings before that! Granted, not all women would start researching and get into it, but a LOT of PSers were never crazy diamond fanatics so much as normal non-jewelry-obsessed women who happened to stumble across this site and ended up getting interested. (Hehe, no offense to the crazy diamond fanatics!

I''m just saying a ton of PSers came to PS NOT already obsessed...what happens once you''re HERE is another issue.

) So the basic point is that even though Hog''s girlfriend is not currently really into jewelry, we (and more importantly HOG) have no idea if she really cares about her engagement ring.

 

[skphotoimages]

Date: 2/22/2006 10:26:36 AM
Author: pebbles
I don't think we are all missing what Hog is saying. If he came and said he is frugal or doesn't feel comfortable spending more than $2k, there wouldn't be 4 pages of posts decided to his topic.

That's exactly my point, everyone is attacking him based on what they are reading into his post. Maybe he's just one of those odd ball engineer types that is frugal and doesn't communicate well. (I used to work in at a ivy league university, and that was my experience with the phd Chem E types and a few of the other engineering majors.) Now we've obviously scared him off.

Date: 2/22/2006 10:26:36 AM
Author: pebbles
He is saying that he would rather spend the money on vacations and things like that. Most of us here wouldn't.

.

So most of us here are speaking up for how we would feel if we were his gal, but we aren't his gal. It would have been nice had we spent 100 posts helping him based on the perameters he gave.



I'm here cause I love diamonds, but with my 1.6ct upgrade, my husband spent what he makes in 8 days time. He did it cause I"M cheap. Yes I wanted a big sparkler to stare at, but I was "cheap" about my decision. And my ring is bad ass! Lucky for me my ring is a size three so my diamond looks much larger than it is. There are frugal women out there, myself included. I get sick to my stomach when my husband buys me flowers cause I think it's such a waste. But I'm weird like that. The only thing I spend any money on is my jewelry. I still order the cheapest thing on the menu when we go out. Most my clothes are from a resale shop, or I've had them for several years. We know nothing about Hogs girl..maybe she's like that too. And maybe you are all right and she is imagining a certain ring and she will be pissed off. I understand wanting to make him aware of that possibility, but I spoke up because of all the attacks on him. We don't know him, or her, just that he words things in a way that sets you all of. I maybe a wedding photographer now, but my degrees are in Psychology. I'm always impressed by how well spoken so many of you are, but not everyone is that way. Some people aren't good with words. Face it, if Hog didn't care, then he wouldn't have ended up here, and he wouldn't be researching. He'd go to the mall or worse yet ebay and buy a piece of crap for $2k. He wanted "the best bang" for the buck. It's his choice to pick the price, he was just looking for advice regarding what the best bang for the buck was, something we all do to one degree or another.


Tulip, I'm confused, are you happy with your ring or not? You said he spent $2000, was that 24 years ago? I would think that would buy a nice diamond. I'm so confused though.
Ok so I just went and did a search, your ring is beautiful tulip!

 

[Jelly]

Maybe we should start a new thread about how much our husbands/boyfriends/fiances make in a year.

 

[tulip928]

Sk -

This is the ring I got after 24 years of marriage. I had no engagement ring. We''ve now been married 32 years. I know there will be no upgrade, and because I wasn''t thrilled with the setting, I just last month bought myself a Vatche Royal X Prong. I found Pricescope while I was shopping for the new setting. I love the new setting, and the diamond looks good in it.