Engagement Ring - Best Bang for the Buck?

[E B]

Date: 2/20/2006 12:05:05 PM
Author: mrssalvo

Date: 2/20/2006 11:58:29 AM

Author: EBree

Whoa, whoa whoa. Who are we to tell this man he''s being ''cheap''? $2000 is a wonderful e-ring budget and if it''s what he wants to spend, it''s what he''ll spend.



Yikes. I almost can''t believe what I''m reading.

Ebree, he called himself cheap...



First line of this thread:


''I''m researching purchasing an engagement ring but I''m really cheap and don''t want to spend too much money....''

I didn''t even see that! Oops. Sorry

 

[XChick03]

Well, I already posted my thoughts on the yellow gold and finding what she wants, but I tried to keep silent about the money issue.

However, since everyone else went for it, I might as well add my $.02. If your future fiance doesn''t want a big stone or fancy setting, $2000 is a wonderful budget. But if she has her heart set on a 1 ct. with stones in a platinum setting, I would definitely advice you to raise your budget. The general guide for an engagement ring is that you should spend no more than 2 months salary, but that is just a guide. Spending only a weeks is a bit...frugal, to say the least. I''ve seen guys who make 6 figures a year spend $1k on a ring and others who make next to nothing financing a $5k ring. It really should come down to what your girlfriend wants and how much you''re willing to spend to make her happy. IMHO, if you''re only willing to spend a small amount of money based on how much you make on a ring she''ll cherish and have forever, it seems you aren''t that concerned about how she''ll feel about it. My fiance only spend $3500 on my ring, but it was still more than he should have considering our current financial situation, but I love my ring and it just shows me how much he''s willing to do to make me happy.

If you''re certain she just wants a .5 ct in yellow gold, then completely disregard my entire post because $2k is a great budget for that, but if you''re only doing it because you don''t think its worth spending more money on, I strongly urge you to reconsider. And I''m sorry if I seem I''m being harsh or anything, its not my intentions, I just know how much an engagement ring means to a woman.

 

[StixforLegs]

Ladies Ladies Ladies!!

Being yelled at or ridiculed for being too cheap would only make me mad at everyone on PS, not necessarily sway my decision about the ring. We have to put this in "guy" terms:

Hog, picture this. Your GF soon to be fiance makes $100k/yr. She promises you a new TV for your personal enjoyment as an engagement present. Oooo, what kind, maybe a Sony WEGA, maybe a 60" Plasma!! I bet its gonna be sweet!! Your fiance comes to you the next day, says here you go babe, I spent half a days salary on this 15" CRT Tube TV because Im very cheap and I think it looks just adorable!!........Imagine how you would feel, inviting the guys over for a football game having to watch that TV. Now imagine how she is going to feel about the ring, you might find your engagement ring budget suddenly increasing

Again, extenuating circumstances like debt or her personal taste for a smaller ring wipes this whole post if not the whole thread out the window.

 

[ChooChoo]

Hog,

You have to understand that the ring you choose is going to reflect on you, and her, and your relationship - at least, in the eyes of her family and friends. My fiance does not make $100K a year like you do, and he would not feel comfortable with me having a $2000 ring because it would reflect poorly on his ability to save and prioritize for something that''s so important to most people. In your fiance''s place, I would honestly prefer skipping an engagement ring altogether and just getting wedding bands, rather than wearing a yellow gold ring with a half carat J-color diamond, when my fiance makes $100K a year and clearly just doesn''t care enough to spend more.

 

[tulip928]

Hey Stix - That''s a good example. I have a personal experience with a similar situation. . . After being married 20 yrs. I told my husband I would love to have a diamond ring. I never had an e-ring. He was, at 20 yrs. of marriage, making 150K. We shopped a couple of times and I found some rings I really liked. But he insisted that he wanted to shop more. It never happened.

Three years later I asked if I''ll every get a ring. He finally went to a friend of his who''s some kind of jewelry maker and took a year putting something together for me. I had seen his wife''s ring and I really liked it and told my husband so. Hers was at least 1 ct., and had side stones in a white metal. It was beautiful.

My husband is a graphic designer, but he felt confident to design my ring with the friend. It took 4 yrs. and I finally got my ring. I opened the box, and right away I could see it was a .75 stone. But my husband insisted that his design made the stone look like a 1 ct. The setting is nothing near what I would have chosen and it really hid most of the diamond. It took me eight years to get up the nerve to reset the stone and I paid for it myself. However with the resetting process, I learned that he had bought a poorly cut stone, which I believe was intentional because he didn''t want to spend very much. At the time, he was so proud of himself for spending $2000 total on my ring. He even boasted that he spent $800 less than he planned to.

There''s no words to describe how I feel.

 

[Couture]

I am just trying to help your girl out here, so please bear with me. Based on your weekly gross, you have a 6 figure yearly salary before taxes, thats a substantial amount of money you make. There is a rule of thumb that you should spend 2-3 months salary on an engagement ring. Is there any way you would consider upping your budget to $8000? That would be 2 months salary and your girl could get a bigger ring. Maybe thats really not what she wants, but you should talk to her and at least give her the option.
If my bf said he was only going to spend one week''s salary on my ring, I would be kind of hurt and I would feel like I wasn''t worthy of more, but thats just my mindset.

To me, the ring you propose with is important because it says how important your commitment is and how much you value it.

Good luck with whatever you decide!!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/20/2006 1:33:04 PM
Author: StixforLegs
Ladies Ladies Ladies!!

Being yelled at or ridiculed for being too cheap would only make me mad at everyone on PS, not necessarily sway my decision about the ring. We have to put this in ''guy'' terms:

Hog, picture this. Your GF soon to be fiance makes $100k/yr. She promises you a new TV for your personal enjoyment as an engagement present. Oooo, what kind, maybe a Sony WEGA, maybe a 60'' Plasma!! I bet its gonna be sweet!! Your fiance comes to you the next day, says here you go babe, I spent half a days salary on this 15'' CRT Tube TV because Im very cheap and I think it looks just adorable!!........Imagine how you would feel, inviting the guys over for a football game having to watch that TV. Now imagine how she is going to feel about the ring, you might find your engagement ring budget suddenly increasing

Again, extenuating circumstances like debt or her personal taste for a smaller ring wipes this whole post if not the whole thread out the window.

Stix, that was a GREAT analogy, and I hope I can find it to quote the next time this comes up!

I am just very skeptical that there are many girls (in the US) when shown a 1/2 carat, a 3/4 ct., and a 1 ct. who would choose the 1/2 ct. knowing that the BF makes around $100,000 a year. I realize that when you''re in love and want to get married, you (the girl) may think the ring doesn''t matter, but the minute you start showing it to people, it will start to matter.

 

[icekid]

umm, yeah. I have no problem with someone having a $2000 budget! Obviously everyone comes from a different financial situation with different priorities. I DO have a problem with "I am cheap" and don''t seem to care what my gf wants. Cheap and frugal are two VERY different things. But then, as long as you get a ring that will make your gf happy, who cares what anyone else thinks? Good luck...

 

[firebirdgold]

I feel I should chime in since I am in the exact position hog's gf is in. Other than the fact that my bf would never choose the user name, he could be mine!


I respect and admire his reasons for that budget size. I do not have a problem with this budget. Ok, ok, I don't have a problem as long as I remind myself that a) it's just a symbol not a reflection of my worth (which is idiotic and sexist anyway), and b) he can get me something really lovely for that budget. And *deep breathe* I trust his judgement. really. I'm sure it'll be beautiful. (Oh please G let it be pretty and nicely made!)

I happen to think 18k yellow with a platinum head is very classic, and will help the budget. (do not go for 14k, that looks cheap not classic). My advice is that you either go with the 18k x-prong and a half carat diamond of no less than I color, amazing cut, and no less than SI1 clarity.
Or do the same diamond in a classic tiffany setting, but beware! Unless it's the low-set replica of the real tiffany it will look like a temp setting. Don't be fooled by the description 'tiffany-style'.
For instance on whiteflash.com the first few solitaires are described like that and I would have a fit if that's what I got.

Look at the one the knife edge tiffany, you could have that done in 18k for a lot less.
Or you could even go designer with etienne's halo ring. An 18k/Plat low halo will run you between $420 -$620, and the halo will make the diamond look bigger. It's also clutz-proof. I bet whiteflash could match that price for something along those lines.
Personally I'd rather have something very wearable than flashy.

Another alternative is to get her a really nice sapphire that's under one carat. Thing is those look better with side stones. (The setting I'd love for that is 1.6k! opps.)

I would put a lot of effort into making sure I had the best quality for the money. I can't begin to stress how much more a 2k ring my bf put a lot of thought into would mean to me as opposed to a 10k ring he bought with little thought.

I should add a small cavet to this. If you stay with this budget, do not be too restrictive in budget with the wedding band. If my bf gets me a diamond solitaire I might want a w-band with channel set sapphires 1/2 way around it.

ETA: I have to admit, I wouldn't mind a .75 carat diamond in the x-prong because it would look more balanced. But I would never ever want anything larger.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 2/20/2006 4:04:34 PM
Author: Wren



I respect and admire his reasons for that budget size.

Wren, I may have missed something, but what reasons for his budget size do you respect and admire?

 

[Waited2Long]

Date: 2/20/2006 3:34:37 PM
Author: icekid
umm, yeah. I have no problem with someone having a $2000 budget! Obviously everyone comes from a different financial situation with different priorities. I DO have a problem with ''I am cheap'' and don''t seem to care what my gf wants. Cheap and frugal are two VERY different things. But then, as long as you get a ring that will make your gf happy, who cares what anyone else thinks? Good luck...

We can only assume the gf is out of the loop on this. He didn''t say it, but perhaps they have talked about it, Maybe she''s as frugal as he is and would be ecstatic at being proposed to, nevermind the ring. Perhaps they want to start a business or have some other goal toward which they would rather place their funds.

I''m sticking up for the guy, because I''m frugal, and my fiancee is too. I did get her a decent ring, and without her involvement, but if I only spent a week''s salary I don''t think she would have resented it. I don''t have a nice car or a plasma TV. But *we* have the same goals and plans.

Tulip, so sorry to hear. I feel for you.

 

[tulip928]

Hi W2L - I searched back and found the picture of the ring you bought - Beautiful!!!!!

 

[firebirdgold]

He wants to pay cash, not create more debt. He's putting alot of effort into getting rid of all of his debt. And there have been unexpected expenses like a new fridge and two furnace repairs. Besides, I'm not exactly willing to give up my weekly sushi fix and I can't afford them more than once or twice a month!
I also respect that while he really doesn't understand why anyone would want jewelry, he does very much want me to have an engagement ring. If this was a laptop he wouldn't blink an eye!

And it really is the thought that counts. I have plenty of expensive jewelry, but the one thing I never take off is the wooden heart pendant he bought me in the portland airport because I admired it and because he loves me. A diamond heart pendant couldn't make me any happier.

That said I have had my attacks of insecurity and wondering if I'm not a high priority, as well as bouts of anxiety that I won't like the ring. But they fade very quickly because he shows me how much he loves me and how important I am in other ways. Well, the anxiety won't really fade until I see the ring even though I think he has great taste.

 

[mrssalvo]

Oh I see, you were talking about your fiance, I somehow misread and thought you respected what the reasons hog gave us in his original post

.

In your situation it sounds like you guys are doing the right thing. What do you think upgrades are for

 

[sydneycasandra]

It seems that the main confusion over whether or not $2k is a good budget stems from two different interpretations of Hog''s initial comment;

1) I want to get my GF a ring she''ll love, but I unfortunately cannot spend more than $2k. What would be the best thing I could get to make her the most happy for this amount of money.

2) I want to get my GF a ring *I* like, and I only want to spend a week''s salary on it. What is the best way to spend the least amount of money possible so I can get off the hook with this whole engagement ring thing and not look like a total cheapskate?

I''d marry the guy with explanation 1 even if it was two-HUNDRED dollars.

I wouldn''t marry the guy with explanation 2 even if it was two hundred THOUSAND dollars.

Perhaps if Hog is unable for some hidden reason to spend more than a week''s salary, he should hint around at his girlfriend to whether or not she''d rather (hypothetically, of course!) spend available resources for a ring or for a wedding- we essentially came up against this question, and I chose ring, but maybe she really isn''t into jewelry and would forgo the ring entirely for a lovely wedding.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 2/20/2006 4:35:12 PM
Author: mrssalvo
Oh I see, you were talking about your fiance, I somehow misread and thought you respected what the reasons hog gave us in his original post

.


In your situation it sounds like you guys are doing the right thing. What do you think upgrades are for

Sorry about the confusion, I'm a bit ego-centric. Unless he is my fiance, I certainly am not talking about hog. What's reasonable to expect from a research programmer /mathematician is not reasonable in a more normal man. Not that my guy isn't very frugal, but there's a vast difference between someone who not only truly does not get jewelry but is disinterested in money other than not worrying about bills, and someone who is just plain cheap. If my guy was in business or had more disposable income, I'd be furious at this budget. And I must admit, part of me still hopes to be pleasantly surprised. (A hope more or less quashed by his mortgage going up again)

Unless hog's gf is very non-materialistic like my sister, or there are extenuating circumstances, he'd better be prepared for a resentful fiance.

Sorry hog, I tried to be supportive.

oh, and I don't believe in upgrades.... anniversary rings however are a different story.

ETA: Do you think we chased hime away?

 

[orbaya]

Date: 2/20/2006 4:04:34 PM
Author: Wren



I happen to think 18k yellow with a platinum head is very classic, and will help the budget. (do not go for 14k, that looks cheap not classic). My advice is that you either go with the 18k x-prong and a half carat diamond of no less than I color, amazing cut, and no less than SI1 clarity.
Or do the same diamond in a classic tiffany setting, but beware! Unless it''s the low-set replica of the real tiffany it will look like a temp setting. Don''t be fooled by the description ''tiffany-style''.
For instance on whiteflash.com the first few solitaires are described like that and I would have a fit if that''s what I got.

Look at the one the knife edge tiffany, you could have that done in 18k for a lot less.
Or you could even go designer with etienne''s halo ring. An 18k/Plat low halo will run you between $420 -$620, and the halo will make the diamond look bigger. It''s also clutz-proof. I bet whiteflash could match that price for something along those lines.
Personally I''d rather have something very wearable than flashy.

So basically my 14kt yellow gold six-prong e-ring setting is cheap and looks like a temporary setting, huh? Should I go to hubby right now and have a "fit" because this is the exact ring he got me 8 years ago? (And still wear).

Real nice.

 

[ladykemma]

METHINKS WE HVE A SECOND TROLL

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/20/2006 5:57:36 PM
Author: ladykemma
METHINKS WE HVE A SECOND TROLL

I don''t know about that... he posted last night and then early this morning...probably went to work. (And the reason I could post through the day today was that my child was home sick!)

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 2/20/2006 5:53:57 PM
Author: orbaya
So basically my 14kt yellow gold six-prong e-ring setting is cheap and looks like a temporary setting, huh? Should I go to hubby right now and have a ''fit'' because this is the exact ring he got me 8 years ago? (And still wear).


Real nice.

I''M SORRY, I''M SORRY! I was being a self-centered b!#@$. Please accept my apologies for saying your ring looks cheap.

We all have really different tastes. There''s a current thread about how unhappy someone is about getting a princess because that''s the one thing she didn''t want when a lot of people would love one. Due to the similarities I over-personalized with this thread and that''s the only ring I really would not want. Despite what I said about trusting his taste and being ok w/ the budget; I''m really anxious about what I''ll get, and I''m upset that we couldn''t afford my (one-of a kind) antique dream ring and it was sold today.

I never should have posted on this thread because it''s too close to home. And I certainly never should have said what I did and been so thoughtless and cruel.

Please, I''m really sorry.

 

[ladykemma]

ok, I'll bite

from the queen of frugality

go buy the books:
1. Diamonds: the antoinette matlins buying guide by antoinette matlins gemstone press woodstock vermont 2004
2. Diamond ring buying guide by renee newman 6th edition
3. a loupe 10X

now you're out 40 bucks.

read and learn to spot problems with your eyes. I don't buy by the numbers -- I can spot good/bad angles and depths and tables with my eyes. learn to use yours.

Now. go to pawn shops and estate sales. learn to look through crud and dirt. for $2000 I purchased a 1.25 carat used pear from a pawn shop. But a fresh 18K tiffany setting from jareds and you will come in at about $2200. plus 40 for the books and loupe.

so.... tulip.... when ya gonna go out buy yourself a ring? evil grin!

 

[tulip928]

Hey Wren -

Just like you, this one hits close to home. I also am perfectly happy to have a .75 diamond. It was the deception in my case that caused me problems. I hope nobody who read my story takes it that I look down on this size diamond.

 

[tulip928]

Ladykemma - I''m really happy with my new setting, even though my diamond''s table is a tad off parallel

to the girdle. The jewelers set it wonderfully, it sparkles, it''s G color looks great in the platinum Vatche I bought for it. Maybe someday I''ll go shopping but I''ve got other things on my plate right now . . . sounds like fun, though!

 

[Agape]

Date: 2/20/2006 11:58:29 AM
Author: EBree
Whoa, whoa whoa. Who are we to tell this man he''s being ''cheap''? $2000 is a wonderful e-ring budget and if it''s what he wants to spend, it''s what he''ll spend.

Yikes. I almost can''t believe what I''m reading.

I have to chime in here. I actually had to talk my now husband OUT of spending the amount of money he wanted to on my ring. I just did want that much stone. We did, however get the very best in the size I liked, which was smaller what he had in mind. There are so many factors and everyone is very different when it comes to jewerly.

 

[Nifergirl7997]

Budget is a totally personal thing. My boyfriend is a teacher, but makes over 2000 a month. I don''t think I''d feel comfortable with him spending more than that. I tend to like thin bands and smaller carat sizes, so it seems to me like something small and delicate shouldn''t cost much.

However, if he were to come to me and say, "I don''t want to spend over 600 dollars for a ring," I''d be hurt, because I''d want him to understand the symbolism in the whole idea behind the ring.

Even if Paul made 2000 a week, I''d not want a big ring. I want a nice diamond, but I don''t see the point in going for something completely devoid of any blemishes. I saw a precious 1/2 carat for 800, and if I could find one for less, I''d love it all the more, if it sparkled!

Maybe his girl doesn''t care much about the cost of the ring. I''ve seen many rings under a 1000 that are beautiful.

 

[orbaya]

Date: 2/20/2006 6:21:23 PM
Author: Wren

Date: 2/20/2006 5:53:57 PM
Author: orbaya
So basically my 14kt yellow gold six-prong e-ring setting is cheap and looks like a temporary setting, huh? Should I go to hubby right now and have a ''fit'' because this is the exact ring he got me 8 years ago? (And still wear).


Real nice.

I''M SORRY, I''M SORRY! I was being a self-centered b!#@$. Please accept my apologies for saying your ring looks cheap.

We all have really different tastes. There''s a current thread about how unhappy someone is about getting a princess because that''s the one thing she didn''t want when a lot of people would love one. Due to the similarities I over-personalized with this thread and that''s the only ring I really would not want. Despite what I said about trusting his taste and being ok w/ the budget; I''m really anxious about what I''ll get, and I''m upset that we couldn''t afford my (one-of a kind) antique dream ring and it was sold today.

I never should have posted on this thread because it''s too close to home. And I certainly never should have said what I did and been so thoughtless and cruel.

Please, I''m really sorry.

It''s okay.

You certainly are allowed to your opinions to what you like and don''t like. I guess what got me was the matter-of-fact way you said those things. I didn''t take your comments personally, but you never know who is reading here and could be very sensitive about their ring for whatever reason. No harm, no foul!

Now back to regularily scheduled programming...

 

[hog]

Wow...I didn't realize my post would cause that backlash.

Just to answer some of the questions posed...I have the financial ability to purchase a "better" diamond for my girlfriend since I have no debt and make a decent income. However, to me, life is more than impressing people with the perfect diamond, nicest car or biggest house. I would rather put that money towards buying an appropriate house, going on vacations and starting a family. Maybe that makes me a bad person for not succumbing to the DeBeers marketing machine and their artifical view of love.

As for buying what she wants...she wears very little jewellery (earrings in various colours, a silver necklace once in a while and a couple of gold bracelets on special occasions). She has no rings that I know of. I want this to be a complete surprise so probing what kind of ring she would like and material it is made of would ruin the surprise.

Anyways...Thank you to the few who provided valuable feedback.

Hog

 

[E B]

Date: 2/20/2006 7:29:55 PM
Author: hog
Just to answer some of the questions posed...I have the financial ability to purchase a ''better'' diamond for my girlfriend since I have no debt and make a decent income. However, to me, life is more than about impressing people with the perfect diamond, nicest car or biggest house. I would rather put that money towards buying an appropriate house, going on vacations and starting a family. Maybe that makes me a bad person for not succumbing to the DeBeers marketing machine and their artifical view of love.

You make an excellent point. Just make sure that the diamond you purchase is an ideal cut diamond. No matter the size, it''ll sparkle like crazy. I posted a nice one from GOG (on page 1) as did Jelly from Whiteflash. One of those in a simple gold setting will be beautiful.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 2/20/2006 7:32:26 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/20/2006 7:29:55 PM
Author: hog
Just to answer some of the questions posed...I have the financial ability to purchase a ''better'' diamond for my girlfriend since I have no debt and make a decent income. However, to me, life is more than about impressing people with the perfect diamond, nicest car or biggest house. I would rather put that money towards buying an appropriate house, going on vacations and starting a family. Maybe that makes me a bad person for not succumbing to the DeBeers marketing machine and their artifical view of love.

You make an excellent point. Just make sure that the diamond you purchase is an ideal cut diamond. No matter the size, it''ll sparkle like crazy. I posted a nice one from GOG (on page 1) as did Jelly from Whiteflash. One of those in a simple gold setting will be beautiful.

not necessarily, I see diamonds that are ideal cut that don''t sparkle and I have seen other cuts that sparkle like mad. you will know it when you see it.

I have two ideal cut diamonds. one is blah and the other goes wow!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am sorry hog. It sounds like you have some good plans for your money. I think it was the way you said it in the first post that was the problem. I think a .70-.75 ct. diamond is a lovely size, and a classic Tiffany setting is something I love. Some others posted some nice stones for you, and I''ll add a couple since I wasn''t very helpful before. Since you are going with an inexpensive setting (not cheap...mine is set in one!), you can concentrate more on getting a really nice diamond.

http://www.whiteflash.com/round/Round-cut-diamond-442494.htm#

http://www.whiteflash.com/round/Round-cut-diamond-442494.htm#

http://www.goodoldgold.com/0_712ct_h_vs2_h%26a.htm

http://www.goodoldgold.com/0_732ct_i_vs2_h%26a.htm