Deciding on a Budget

[vintageloves]

First off, I'm sorry if this is in the wrong forum. I'm terrible about judging that kind of stuff.

I've been married for 14 years. We were engaged in 2003 and my husband would be the first to admit he didn't handle it... great. He's a brilliant man who is used to only doing things that he personally sees the reason in. He thought proposals were unnecessary, so I didn't get one. He thought diamonds weren't special or unique, so I got a colored stone. We really couldn't have afforded much of a diamond anyway, he set the budget well below what we could afford. I know this all sounds bad, but you have to understand an amazing person can be stubborn about certain things. 14 years of marriage have been very good to me, and I'm a very lucky woman.

And possibly a lucky woman with a diamond soon! My husband kind of wants a re-do. But it feels weird to be shopping for engagement rings all these years later. I find jewelry stores so intimidating; we both do. The one local to us bought a bunch of my old pieces, things I had as a child and outgrew, and is now selling them as new for outrageous mark ups (an aquamarine and white gold ring for 4500!). I don't trust them. My husband brought me there to look at **colored** diamonds (habits die hard!). It's been impossible to get jewelers to understand I want to upgrade from non-diamond to diamond. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve one! Everyone keeps showing me colored stones. Ugh. I don't wear my e-ring. One of my biggest regrets is not getting a diamond originally. I do not want a colored stone. I think it's finally sinking in for my husband, but he's a little shocked and dismayed at what you get for the money.

One of the problems is that my husband will not set a budget. The jeweler interpreted that to mean he had a small budget and was embarrassed to disclose it or something (there's nothing wrong with a small budget, I swear these stores have me tearing my hair out). However, this is not the case. He just doesn't want to put a hard and fast number on anything. He's the type of guy who doesn't like steak, but upgraded his steak last time we went out because he did the math and found that he got a much better deal at 12oz than 6oz. So he'll pay much more as long as it's "worth it."

Setting the budget will be up to me. Without one, I'm kind of floundering and the jeweler was getting so frustrated that we couldn't give them one. I was thinking of a number that would be 7% of our liquid savings (stuff not earmarked for retirement). Would that be too greedy for an anniversary ring? I want something nice, but I want to make sure I'm not being too materialistic. I'm sure my husband would agree to this budget, but I want to make sure it's a socially acceptable amount first.

I feel like once I have the budget, I can start to think about what I really want, instead of the other way around, if that makes sense.

Sorry if this was a strange question, but I'm new to all this. I don't have any expensive jewelry.

 

[sledge]

Wow, first off I'm sorry this has pained you so long. On the positive side, it seems like your husband is beginning to understand the diamond and proposal is about YOU, not him. I think he deserves a re-do, but make sure you guys talk so you get the full enchilada this time around. In some ways, he has an opportunity to shine and be very unique as it's an anniversary and he can include you in the search which many women like.

As a guy I understand his sentiment that diamonds are expensive and it seems like so little for so much. I'm also a gun and tool guy. I just recently got engaged, but by far, my guns & tools outweighs her jewelry. However, just as I am picky about guns and tools, I understand that is how diamonds/jewelry is for women. Prior to getting engaged, I dated a girl that cooking was her thing and I donated a small fortune to Williams Sonoma and similar stores for her "Snap On" (in case you don't know, Snap On is a well respected professional set of tools) versions of cookware.

All this said, prior to finding this forum I didn't give two thoughts to diamonds. Now I'm a little bit of a diamond enthusiast. Not for myself. I don't like much bling, but for my girl and to help others like yourself.

As far as setting a budget, I am not sure if 7% of your savings is good or bad, mainly because I don't know what your savings account looks like -- nor am I asking or suggesting you to disclose that amount. Just 7% of $300k is much different than 7% of $30k.

I am not sure I have heard anyone use the % approach. But as a finance major, here are some good rules of thumb I utilize in my own life:

• Minimum $2,000 savings for emergencies, etc.
• Pay off revolving debts
• Once revolving debt free, increase savings to minimum 6 months of living expenses (can be more, depending on your security blanket needs)
• Up to this point, all funds should be kept in a savings or money market account so they are very liquid and easily obtainable
• If you have a 30-year mortgage, increase payments to pay off in 15 years or less.
• Next max out company sponsored traditional 401k's to take advantage of full employer matches
• Now max out ROTH IRA's to take advantage of tax-free growth
• If you still have money to invest/save, go ahead and max out traditional company sponsored 401k's.
• If you still have money remaining, consider stock options, mutual funds, real estate, etc.
• In all circumstances I never invest money or buy things that I don't understand or have a good feeling about, period.

So jumping back to diamond talk, you absolutely DESERVE to have a real diamond! Don't let the various stores or your husband tell you otherwise. When/if they start to show you colored stones again, be very firm and sharp in your response that you do not wish to view anything that isn't a diamond. It appears people aren't listening and you have to garner the attention of the audience so you stop feeling overridden and frustrated.

By the way, SHAME ON THE SALES REP for not LISTENING to you and instead TALKING over you.

We will listen. So @vintagegloves, what exactly are YOU looking for in a diamond? Once we understand what you want, we can pull a few diamonds and show you what is available for the dollars and help you create a budget. If your "wish list" is too expensive, we can adjust various parameters to hit the amount you feel comfortable spending.

Ready to start the journey?

• We know you want colorless, but there is a range. How color sensitive are you? Many people will be happy with D-H range. G seems to be a good bang for the buck as it's still considered "colorless" yet doesn't come with the price premium of D-F's.
  • FYI, diamond color is graded by the tint seen on the SIDE of the diamonds. If your setting covers up most of the side, you may be able to lower the color a little, even if you are sensitive.
  • Going along with the above, diamonds look more white in the face up position. And diamonds that are well cut like super ideals will look even more white because they are cut so well.
• Do you have an approximate size in mind? Many people may struggle with carat weights, so you could report either a weight or a dimension (usually given in millimeters, or mm).
• How sensitive to inclusions, etc are you? The best bang for the buck is an "eye clean" SI clarity stone.
  • Most consider an "eye clean" stone to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 10" away looking at the top of the diamond. You may see inclusions from the side at this distance.
  • Some tighten this to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 6" away looking at the top or sides of the diamond.
  • Select buyers (myself included) suffer from "mind clean" issues meaning the fact the cert looks nasty with inclusions even though they can't be seen with the naked eye drives them nuts so they seek out a very clean SI stone with few inclusions, or possibly may bump to a VS clarity.
• Will you be shopping for a new setting also?
  • If so, what style of setting? And what metal type? A 14k white gold solitaire will be considerably cheaper than a platinum pave halo. Yet, a halo might be an economical way to increase finger coverage without the premium of a larger diamond.
• Do you realize diamonds are a zero sum game? This means if you have a set budget then as you increase size, then one of the C's (color, cut, clarity) must go down.

 

[Snowdrop13]

This is an impossible question to answer! Only you and your DH can decide how much you are comfortable spending. Have you looked around at the diamonds your friends, colleagues and family wear? Would that help with identifying what sort of size of stone you might be looking at?

Here is a thread to get you started,

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/show-me-your-solitaires-please.197346/

 

[BlingDreams]

Wow, first off I'm sorry this has pained you so long. On the positive side, it seems like your husband is beginning to understand the diamond and proposal is about YOU, not him. I think he deserves a re-do, but make sure you guys talk so you get the full enchilada this time around. In some ways, he has an opportunity to shine and be very unique as it's an anniversary and he can include you in the search which many women like.

As a guy I understand his sentiment that diamonds are expensive and it seems like so little for so much. I'm also a gun and tool guy. I just recently got engaged, but by far, my guns & tools outweighs her jewelry. However, just as I am picky about guns and tools, I understand that is how diamonds/jewelry is for women. Prior to getting engaged, I dated a girl that cooking was her thing and I donated a small fortune to Williams Sonoma and similar stores for her "Snap On" (in case you don't know, Snap On is a well respected professional set of tools) versions of cookware.

All this said, prior to finding this forum I didn't give two thoughts to diamonds. Now I'm a little bit of a diamond enthusiast. Not for myself. I don't like much bling, but for my girl and to help others like yourself.

As far as setting a budget, I am not sure if 7% of your savings is good or bad, mainly because I don't know what your savings account looks like -- nor am I asking or suggesting you to disclose that amount. Just 7% of $300k is much different than 7% of $30k.

I am not sure I have heard anyone use the % approach. But as a finance major, here are some good rules of thumb I utilize in my own life:

• Minimum $2,000 savings for emergencies, etc.
• Pay off revolving debts
• Once revolving debt free, increase savings to minimum 6 months of living expenses (can be more, depending on your security blanket needs)
• Up to this point, all funds should be kept in a savings or money market account so they are very liquid and easily obtainable
• If you have a 30-year mortgage, increase payments to pay off in 15 years or less.
• Next max out company sponsored traditional 401k's to take advantage of full employer matches
• Now max out ROTH IRA's to take advantage of tax-free growth
• If you still have money to invest/save, go ahead and max out traditional company sponsored 401k's.
• If you still have money remaining, consider stock options, mutual funds, real estate, etc.
• In all circumstances I never invest money or buy things that I don't understand or have a good feeling about, period.

So jumping back to diamond talk, you absolutely DESERVE to have a real diamond! Don't let the various stores or your husband tell you otherwise. When/if they start to show you colored stones again, be very firm and sharp in your response that you do not wish to view anything that isn't a diamond. It appears people aren't listening and you have to garner the attention of the audience so you stop feeling overridden and frustrated.

By the way, SHAME ON THE SALES REP for not LISTENING to you and instead TALKING over you.

We will listen. So @vintagegloves, what exactly are YOU looking for in a diamond? Once we understand what you want, we can pull a few diamonds and show you what is available for the dollars and help you create a budget. If your "wish list" is too expensive, we can adjust various parameters to hit the amount you feel comfortable spending.

Ready to start the journey?

• We know you want colorless, but there is a range. How color sensitive are you? Many people will be happy with D-H range. G seems to be a good bang for the buck as it's still considered "colorless" yet doesn't come with the price premium of D-F's.
  • FYI, diamond color is graded by the tint seen on the SIDE of the diamonds. If your setting covers up most of the side, you may be able to lower the color a little, even if you are sensitive.
  • Going along with the above, diamonds look more white in the face up position. And diamonds that are well cut like super ideals will look even more white because they are cut so well.
• Do you have an approximate size in mind? Many people may struggle with carat weights, so you could report either a weight or a dimension (usually given in millimeters, or mm).
• How sensitive to inclusions, etc are you? The best bang for the buck is an "eye clean" SI clarity stone.
  • Most consider an "eye clean" stone to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 10" away looking at the top of the diamond. You may see inclusions from the side at this distance.
  • Some tighten this to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 6" away looking at the top or sides of the diamond.
  • Select buyers (myself included) suffer from "mind clean" issues meaning the fact the cert looks nasty with inclusions even though they can't be seen with the naked eye drives them nuts so they seek out a very clean SI stone with few inclusions, or possibly may bump to a VS clarity.
• Will you be shopping for a new setting also?
  • If so, what style of setting? And what metal type? A 14k white gold solitaire will be considerably cheaper than a platinum pave halo. Yet, a halo might be an economical way to increase finger coverage without the premium of a larger diamond.
• Do you realize diamonds are a zero sum game? This means if you have a set budget then as you increase size, then one of the C's (color, cut, clarity) must go down.

Fantastic post Sledge

 

[Crazie4Cuts]

I think that wonderful to do it again! Let’s talk because this happened to me.. I mean I didn’t really get a proposal either..Or dinner...but ‘here’s the diamond I purchase before way before you came along’..type of discussion...the stone has a poor cut and no sparkle! He’s a wonderful person and when we were with long time friends he did admit he wished he could have done the proposal better! So I did give him that AND
after 2 kids, college and whatnot I did get an upgrade! I also found PS which of course in the early years wasn’t around for me! I did use my original setting and it turned out great!

So I think if you get to set the budget and you think 7% of your liquid savings that’s fine! If you can afford more go for it! But if life happens such as new car, new roof, unexpected expense you should have liquid $$ to cover and not go into debt.

Then of course we can help you find a great stone in your budget and walk you through on what you are considering. Take your time and since you already waited 14 years (Me, I waited double + how long you’ve been married) so talking with us for a few months to help you is no big deal! And don’t have any guilt over doing this, it’s between you both and together let him have input along the way!

-C4C

 

[BlingDreams]

Welcome to the PS community! You’ll actually find that many people on here did not start with an engagement ring, of any kind… Not even a colored stone. So your situation is not unique in the least. I would say you should definitely avoid whatever jeweler you have been talking to. They are more interested in pushing what they want you to buy vs what you want to buy. Do you live in the US or another country? We may be able to recommend certain stores for you to go visit to at least get a good idea of what shape of stone you like as well as what size and color. That’s always an important place to start. After you have that narrowed it down, we can absolutely help you find the best bang for the buck.

As to your budget, there is no hard and fast rule about how much to spend. People on here spend $3000, and some spend $150,000. It’s whatever you and your husband are comfortable with, both for yourselves as well as what you would be comfortable wearing around others.

 

[bludiva]

I totally get the desire to find value for money rather than setting a $ budget. There are gorgeous rings to be had at pretty much any price point which makes it hard to sort through all the options. Sledge laid out a great introduction and what makes a great value will differ from person to person. Many here want optimal cut so while ideal/superideal stones are more expensive, they represent a better value than a cheaper, poorly cut stone. Some want to maintain as much resale value as possible, in that case looking at a vendors buy-back / trade-in options or looking for a pre-loved item may be important.

Jewelry stores & online vendors vary in quality of service and I'm sorry about your experience with the one nearby - there is a lot of competition out there and you are the customer! You deserve to work with a company that is knowledgeable, helpful, and kind to find your ideal ring. I'm sure lots of advice will be posted on this thread...good luck with the journey. You sound very level-headed and while it may be a splurge please don't let yourself think you're not worth it.

 

[Luminous1]

After what sledge said about making sure you have adequate savings, you can figure out what size diamond you want. Do you want a .5 carat, 1 carat, 2 carat? Diamdb.com will let you virtually compare different sized stones on a finger size. I would look up prices online and figure out about what they cost in the color/clarity range that is acceptable to you. Suggest the budget based on that. Remember to include a setting cost. See if he balks. That's what I did (My original engagement ring was a colored stone and I didn't wear it for years either, so I feel you.)

 

[lovedogs]

Wow, first off I'm sorry this has pained you so long. On the positive side, it seems like your husband is beginning to understand the diamond and proposal is about YOU, not him. I think he deserves a re-do, but make sure you guys talk so you get the full enchilada this time around. In some ways, he has an opportunity to shine and be very unique as it's an anniversary and he can include you in the search which many women like.

As a guy I understand his sentiment that diamonds are expensive and it seems like so little for so much. I'm also a gun and tool guy. I just recently got engaged, but by far, my guns & tools outweighs her jewelry. However, just as I am picky about guns and tools, I understand that is how diamonds/jewelry is for women. Prior to getting engaged, I dated a girl that cooking was her thing and I donated a small fortune to Williams Sonoma and similar stores for her "Snap On" (in case you don't know, Snap On is a well respected professional set of tools) versions of cookware.

All this said, prior to finding this forum I didn't give two thoughts to diamonds. Now I'm a little bit of a diamond enthusiast. Not for myself. I don't like much bling, but for my girl and to help others like yourself.

As far as setting a budget, I am not sure if 7% of your savings is good or bad, mainly because I don't know what your savings account looks like -- nor am I asking or suggesting you to disclose that amount. Just 7% of $300k is much different than 7% of $30k.

I am not sure I have heard anyone use the % approach. But as a finance major, here are some good rules of thumb I utilize in my own life:

• Minimum $2,000 savings for emergencies, etc.
• Pay off revolving debts
• Once revolving debt free, increase savings to minimum 6 months of living expenses (can be more, depending on your security blanket needs)
• Up to this point, all funds should be kept in a savings or money market account so they are very liquid and easily obtainable
• If you have a 30-year mortgage, increase payments to pay off in 15 years or less.
• Next max out company sponsored traditional 401k's to take advantage of full employer matches
• Now max out ROTH IRA's to take advantage of tax-free growth
• If you still have money to invest/save, go ahead and max out traditional company sponsored 401k's.
• If you still have money remaining, consider stock options, mutual funds, real estate, etc.
• In all circumstances I never invest money or buy things that I don't understand or have a good feeling about, period.

So jumping back to diamond talk, you absolutely DESERVE to have a real diamond! Don't let the various stores or your husband tell you otherwise. When/if they start to show you colored stones again, be very firm and sharp in your response that you do not wish to view anything that isn't a diamond. It appears people aren't listening and you have to garner the attention of the audience so you stop feeling overridden and frustrated.

By the way, SHAME ON THE SALES REP for not LISTENING to you and instead TALKING over you.

We will listen. So @vintagegloves, what exactly are YOU looking for in a diamond? Once we understand what you want, we can pull a few diamonds and show you what is available for the dollars and help you create a budget. If your "wish list" is too expensive, we can adjust various parameters to hit the amount you feel comfortable spending.

Ready to start the journey?

• We know you want colorless, but there is a range. How color sensitive are you? Many people will be happy with D-H range. G seems to be a good bang for the buck as it's still considered "colorless" yet doesn't come with the price premium of D-F's.
  • FYI, diamond color is graded by the tint seen on the SIDE of the diamonds. If your setting covers up most of the side, you may be able to lower the color a little, even if you are sensitive.
  • Going along with the above, diamonds look more white in the face up position. And diamonds that are well cut like super ideals will look even more white because they are cut so well.
• Do you have an approximate size in mind? Many people may struggle with carat weights, so you could report either a weight or a dimension (usually given in millimeters, or mm).
• How sensitive to inclusions, etc are you? The best bang for the buck is an "eye clean" SI clarity stone.
  • Most consider an "eye clean" stone to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 10" away looking at the top of the diamond. You may see inclusions from the side at this distance.
  • Some tighten this to mean no inclusions visible with normal 20/20 vision from 6" away looking at the top or sides of the diamond.
  • Select buyers (myself included) suffer from "mind clean" issues meaning the fact the cert looks nasty with inclusions even though they can't be seen with the naked eye drives them nuts so they seek out a very clean SI stone with few inclusions, or possibly may bump to a VS clarity.
• Will you be shopping for a new setting also?
  • If so, what style of setting? And what metal type? A 14k white gold solitaire will be considerably cheaper than a platinum pave halo. Yet, a halo might be an economical way to increase finger coverage without the premium of a larger diamond.
• Do you realize diamonds are a zero sum game? This means if you have a set budget then as you increase size, then one of the C's (color, cut, clarity) must go down.

Great post!!! @sledge is there a way to contact you off the boards? I have a random finance/investment question haha. I have listings on LT w. my contact info. Sorry for the threadjack!!!

 

[vintageloves]

Wow, such nice answers! I know it's a difficult thing only we can really answer, but I also like poking my nose around what other people are doing to get good ideas. I don't always trust myself to make the best decision.

We're financially conservative. No debt outside mortgage, maxed out retirements, all that jazz. We are looking to buy a new house with about 40% down payment with 6 months salary left over, and buying this ring would not effect that goal. Is this useful information? I can never tell. All I know it that jewelers keep asking for a budget, so I thought I'd better have one! I don't want to get into specific numbers on a message board.

I'm not sure what I want! I have always liked emerald cuts and asscher cuts. I want something that strikes my mind as interesting to look at, as opposed to focusing on sparkle. I also like old round cuts, but I feel like that might be a rabbit hole. I'm annoyingly very color sensitive and I think it would be very difficult to find an antique diamond that fit my nitpicky eyes. And I like thin bands. The thinner, the better. I like millgrain, bezels and low profiles. I'm old fashioned but also a bit eccentric and a vintage style would suit me. I do not like the traditional tiffany round solitaire, though. Don't know why, but I never, ever have. My husband will probably insist on platinum.

I have this as a RHR. It's all the pave I want in my life: https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/rin...e&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=287466&trackgridpos=186

Style #1 I like: https://www.costco.com/Emerald-Cut-...Baguette-Platinum-Ring.product.100419027.html

This style is classic and looks great with an old european cut, too. But my mom just upgraded her engagement ring to 2ish carats and I think she would feel bad if I got a large round, even though hers is a modern round. An emerald cut might be the better choice.

Style #2: https://ivyandrose.com/products/vin...ent-ring-0bd088b9-d998-4421-aefe-a443a3d10f14

#2 is more ornate than I would normally go for, but I like that the interesting details are carvings and design, not mico diamonds everywhere.

Well, I guess that's a place to start, yes? And I am in the US, someone asked that.

 

[SimoneDi]

OP, no one here can tell you how much to spend on a ring. A nice 2ct MRB diamond will cost you at least 15k-16k for the stone alone if you are not color and clarity sensitive and can drop that down to K/SI clarity. There are gorgeous rings to be found at all price points.
There is no recipe for the right amount to spend regardless of what your financial situation is. I know people who spent their entire liquid savings on an e-ring purchase and I also know people with great income and savings who didn’t want to spend more than 5k. I can understand why your jeweler got frustrated, no one can advice you on a purchase if they don’t know what your ceiling is.

My advice would be to have an honest conversation with your husband and once you agree on a max amount, come back here and we can help you maximize that budget.

 

[TreeScientist]

Setting a budget is difficult, but I think the price of the rings you posted ($10-15k) seems reasonable given your description of your current financial standing.

If you're looking at vintage-style emerald cut rings, check out jewels by grace or love affair diamonds. Both have some beautiful antique and antique-inspired rings with step cuts:

Here's a few you may be interested in:
http://www.loveaffairdiamonds.com/1-40ct-emerald-cut-diamond-in-leon-mege-solitaire-gia-g-si1/
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/1-72ctw-emerald-cut-and-trapezoid-trilogy-ring-gia-g-vs

A little outside of the budget you posted at $21k, but looks like a really beautiful ring:
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/2-81ctw-art-deco-emerald-cut-ring-gia-h-vs1

 

[lovedogs]

Agree with others that unfortunately no one but you and your DH will be able to tell you what you are comfortable spending. But we can certainly help you find something if you tell us your preferred budget limit!

 

[TreeScientist]

My advice would be to have an honest conversation with your husband and once you agree on a max amount, come back here and we can help you maximize that budget.

This is good advice though. No jeweler is going to really be able to help you much if you walk in and say "I like step cuts. Show me what you have." The budget and your preferred carat weight/size are really essential to determine what kind of diamonds/rings they'll show you.

 

[vintageloves]

Setting a budget is difficult, but I think the price of the rings you posted ($10-15k) seems reasonable given your description of your current financial standing.

If you're looking at vintage-style emerald cut rings, check out jewels by grace or love affair diamonds. Both have some beautiful antique and antique-inspired rings with step cuts:

Here's a few you may be interested in:
http://www.loveaffairdiamonds.com/1-40ct-emerald-cut-diamond-in-leon-mege-solitaire-gia-g-si1/
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/1-72ctw-emerald-cut-and-trapezoid-trilogy-ring-gia-g-vs

A little outside of the budget you posted at $21k, but looks like a really beautiful ring:
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/2-81ctw-art-deco-emerald-cut-ring-gia-h-vs1

You have a good eye! I like the 3rd the best (it's in budget, no worries), but I'd like something a bit more delicate with the setting.

 

[vintageloves]

This is good advice though. No jeweler is going to really be able to help you much if you walk in and say "I like step cuts. Show me what you have." The budget and your preferred carat weight/size are really essential to determine what kind of diamonds/rings they'll show you.

I know this, but my husband literally won't set a budget, so I don't know what to do. I'm assuming one for this thread, but I don't think I'll ever get a ceiling from him. I think it would take a certified financial planner looking over things and saying "you can spend X" for him to set a real budget.

 

[lovedogs]

I think for now start with what you've "set" for the purposes of this thread. You seem level headed, so trust your instincts about what seems reasonable. see what we can help you find within budget, and then adjust if needed

 

[TreeScientist]

I know this, but my husband literally won't set a budget, so I don't know what to do. I'm assuming one for this thread, but I don't think I'll ever get a ceiling from him. I think it would take a certified financial planner looking over things and saying "you can spend X" for him to set a real budget.

He sounds like the type of person that would like to use one of those Engagement ring calculators:
https://www.engagementringcalculator.com/

"Are her eyes blue?"
"Is she good in the kitchen?"



In all seriousness though, I can understand where he's coming from. But it sounds like at this point he's trusting you to determine what would be reasonable to spend on the purchase, so I think he'll trust your judgement.

 

[vintageloves]

Incidentally, I have blue eyes and I'm very good cook. 3 carats here I come!

 

[SimoneDi]

I know this, but my husband literally won't set a budget, so I don't know what to do. I'm assuming one for this thread, but I don't think I'll ever get a ceiling from him. I think it would take a certified financial planner looking over things and saying "you can spend X" for him to set a real budget.

Okay...can you put in in a survey form for him and have him circle one choice? In my opinion, it is not worth investing your time looking for 15k-20k rings before you get his approval. This is not exactly a casual purchase..
It can go like this:
a) 1ct - 1.2ct - 5-10k
b) 1.3ct - 1.5ct - 10k-15k
c) 1.5ct - 1.9ct - 15k - 20k
d) 2ct - 2.2ct - 20k - 28k
e) >2.2ct - >28k

Edit: If he didn't believe in diamonds before, I highly doubt that has changed with time. My husband for example doesn't "believe" in diamonds per se but he tolerates my love for them within limits. You have to be able to get at least a comfortable range from him.

 

[lovedogs]

Obviously these settings don't have prices and don't include center stones, but just trying to get a sense of styles you like. Do any of these appeal to you (ignore the colored diamond in one of them and imagine it with all colorless)? VC is expensive, but has delicate and high quality designs that might appeal to you.


https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/bezel-set-antique-cushion-solitaire-w-french-cut-accents

https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/the-vine-trilogy-with-emerald-cut-and-trapezoids

https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/trapezoid-and-bullet-shaped-five-stone-ring

 

[mrs-b]

Hi @vintageloves - and welcome.

Jewelry stores have masses of diamond rings in them. Without giving the jeweler some idea of your budget, you're asking both him and yourselves to commit to hours and hours - possibly days - going through every ring in his store till he hits on the magic mental budget you already have, but wouldn't tell him. This would be a frustrating exercise for all of you.

'Greedy' is a totally subjective thing. Your moral stance vs my moral stance can be completely different - yet still be logically legitimate. So the first thing here is that YOU have to work out what YOU want to spend. Sounds to me like you've been very flexible, generous, and non-demanding in the engagement ring department for many years. You have plenty of credit built up in this regard. I wouldn't be afraid to cash in on this at this point.

So let's set a budget of $20k - because we have to start SOMEwhere - and how you react to that suggestion will tell you whether, in your heart of hearts, you DO in fact have a budget and 20k is above, below, or right on it.

If your husband is after a deal, or good value, there are a couple of ways to do that.

1) Firstly, get what you pay for.
Make sure every diamond you look at is certified by the GIA or by the AGS so what the sales rep is telling you you're buying IS in fact what you're buying.

2) Buy good numbers.
Regardless of what the sales rep tells you, a diamond with poor stats will always be a poor diamond. If you buy rubbish, you may as well have taken your money out the back and burnt it.

3) Accept that you're a newbie and only deal with reputable people.
There are certain vendors we recommend on these boards. We recommend them for a reason. They're reputable, honest, and sell top shelf products. Buy from them.

4) Deal with people who can sell you what you want to buy.
Whoever you decide to buy from, make sure their inventory is such that they can sell you what you want. If you buy from someone with a limited inventory, or who sells predominantly colored stones, guess what you're going to walk out of the store with....

5) Learn a little.
Learn that you can compromise on clarity and not even see it. Learn what your color tolerance is. And (and your husband will love this) learn that if you stay just beneath the traditional markers (1ct, 1.5ct, 2ct, 3ct) you will save significant money. Learn how different a top cut diamond vs a rubbish diamond look from each other.

6) Be prepared to trust.
We will almost certainly refer you to people you've never met and may never meet. This may terrify you and send your husband into "what are they trying to pull on me??" mode. This would be a mistake. Almost all of us here have bought diamonds online. The trick is to find the right vendor, know what you want, then shop till you get it.

7) And if you can't trust...
Be prepared to travel to meet the people you'll be dealing with. You would not be the first people to travel to NY to meet with Jonathan Weingarten at August Vintage Inc or Yekutiel at ID Jewelry, or to Houston Texas to meet with the amazing people at WhiteFlash, to LA to spend some glorious time with the equally glorious Victor Canera, or out to meet Wink from Crafted By Infinity to see sparkle that will blow your mind. There are many others of various price ranges. Give us a hint and we'll go from here.

You can afford to trust us. We're here to help and that's all.

 

[vintageloves]

Okay...can you put in in a survey form for him and have him circle one choice? In my opinion, it is not worth investing your time looking for 15k-20k rings before you get his approval. This is not exactly a casual purchase..
It can go like this:
a) 1ct - 1.2ct - 5-10k
b) 1.3ct - 1.5ct - 10k-15k
c) 1.5ct - 1.9ct - 15k - 20k
d) 2ct - 2.2ct - 20k - 28k
e) >2.2ct - >28k

Edit: If he didn't believe in diamonds before, I highly doubt that has changed with time. My husband for example doesn't "believe" in diamonds per se but he tolerates my love for them within limits. You have to be able to get at least a comfortable range from him.

This is a great idea... but it won't work through no fault of yours. He'll think we can afford E but will circle A because in his mind 1.2 ct is huuuge and why spend more when you can get exactly what you want for less than 10K? His focus is always on value, not cost. A jeweler would have to show him every one of those sizes for him to decide.

It's going to take me finding what I want, pointing to it, and saying can I have this. Then it can be yes or no. He's never, ever going to give me a budget.

And I get what you mean about wasting my time. Trust me, I've thought about giving up.

 

[OoohShiny]

Your man sounds like a man of science, logic and reason.

I like that


Perhaps he would be interested in the science of diamonds? (That is if he has the time and willingness to learn!) I (also of the male variety) came for the engagement ring guidance and have stayed for the science (and the good company and 'community feel', of course!)


Personally speaking, I think you need to get out there and look in a lot of shop windows to see what attracts your eye, then get inside those shops and say that you are NOT looking to buy today but are looking at what might suit you. That will help you decide what shapes you prefer aesthetically, what shapes suit your hands, what size you would like, and how sensitive to colour and visible inclusions you are.

Once you know what colour / clarity / carat size you like, you will be in a position to understand the likely costs of achieving that, and be able to make an informed decision on whether that money is what you are willing to spend.

When you have decided your budget, we will be more than happy to help you find something amazing!

Don't forget that you are perfectly entitled to add your own money to the budget if he is only willing to go so far - plenty of ladies on here have, and there's no reason not to if you can afford it and it will mean you can get something that you really want, rather than just something that 'would do'.

 

[vintageloves]

Obviously these settings don't have prices and don't include center stones, but just trying to get a sense of styles you like. Do any of these appeal to you (ignore the colored diamond in one of them and imagine it with all colorless)? VC is expensive, but has delicate and high quality designs that might appeal to you.


https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/bezel-set-antique-cushion-solitaire-w-french-cut-accents

https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/the-vine-trilogy-with-emerald-cut-and-trapezoids

https://www.victorcanera.com/rings/trapezoid-and-bullet-shaped-five-stone-ring

#1 and #3 are so pretty. I'll keep it in mind! Thanks so much

 

[lovedogs]

And just in case the budget is quite substantial (but don't want to assume or offend!) Here are some very nice options from JbG

https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-76ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-h-vs
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-43ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-5-stone-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-f-si1

 

[SimoneDi]

This is a great idea... but it won't work through no fault of yours. He'll think we can afford E but will circle A because in his mind 1.2 ct is huuuge and why spend more when you can get exactly what you want for less than 10K? His focus is always on value, not cost. A jeweler would have to show him every one of those sizes for him to decide.

It's going to take me finding what I want, pointing to it, and saying can I have this. Then it can be yes or no. He's never, ever going to give me a budget.

And I get what you mean about wasting my time. Trust me, I've thought about giving up.

Ok you actually just answered this dilemma. You and your husband are not on the same page and see things differently. He just wants you to have a 1ct diamond and something blingy on your finger and for him 10k is a lot of money on a frivolous purchase. You want a large diamond that costs a lot more. You need to have an honest conversation, tell him what you want and how much that would cost and get his approval. Only after that go and spend the money. In the meantime, as others suggested, you can spend your time educating yourself on diamonds and the various vendors.

 

[bludiva]

And just in case the budget is quite substantial (but don't want to assume or offend!) Here are some very nice options from JbG

https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-76ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-h-vs
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-43ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-5-stone-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-f-si1

+1 on these!

There's also an interesting looking LM cushion at under 20k
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/2-68ctw-true-cushion-cut-diamond-5-stone-ring-gia-j-if

I will stop adding options for you OP though, sounds like you may need to take some time to figure out what it is you truly want. There's value for money in getting the thing that delights you and makes you happy to wear every day vs something that sits unloved in a box too.

 

[vintageloves]

Ok you actually just answered this dilemma. You and your husband are not on the same page and see things differently. He just wants you to have a 1ct diamond and something blingy on your finger and for him 10k is a lot of money on a frivolous purchase. You want a large diamond that costs a lot more. You need to have an honest conversation, tell him what you want and how much that would cost and get his approval. Only after that go and spend the money. In the meantime, as others suggested, you can spend your time educating yourself on diamonds and the various vendors.

No, you don't have it right, but I feel like I'm not doing a good job explaining myself. He just wants me to be happy and has no firm opinions on size or bling (nor do I at this point). He wants me to do it backwards-- find what I want and THEN talk costs. But that's hard for me. 10K is not a lot of money for us; that's not the issue. It's VALUE, as defined by him, not cost.

 

[vintageloves]

And just in case the budget is quite substantial (but don't want to assume or offend!) Here are some very nice options from JbG

https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-76ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-h-vs
https://www.jewelsbygrace.com/3-43ctw-emerald-cut-diamond-5-stone-ring-by-leon-mege-gia-f-si1

OMG #1!!!!!!!

I don't like the size of the diamond, too large for my tastes, but the style is 100% spot on! I love the double prongs. I wonder if I could get something like this made for me.