Are you Pretty?

[JulieN]

Interesting.

I'm pretty by most standards, beautiful to some. I try to dress in a conservative, non-remarkable manner, so that I'll be taken seriously. I was a late bloomer.

And for Haven, I frequently get told I'm pretty/beautiful/sexy by my SOs and other men. It usually doesn't make me feel good or bad. I just regard it in a similar way to someone saying "the sky is blue." It's only nice if someone who really likes me says it, with that special voice, and that special look, because obviously they like me for other reasons.

 

[Mara]

SDL, it''s so interesting that you say that you think your looks are average, yet you used to model! Come on ladies, you are way more beautiful than you give yourselves credit for! Whoever said that self-esteem and confidence, especially in your ''look'', comes through big time to help people look even more attractive is spot on. I don''t know what it is about our society that trains us to not appreciate how lovely we really are. Instead we focus on faults and compare ourselves to others, always coming up lacking...I read something once that said whenever you feel down on yourself or your looks that you should think about one thing that you love about yourself. You''ll probably find that it balances out!

Haven...to answer your Q...Greg is hugely complimentary to me, he tells me I am sexy all the time, it''s very sweet. When I dress up or we get ready to go out, he typically tells me tells me I look great. I don''t have a cute look in the least, in fact I don''t even think I could TRY to look cute, my eyes would give me away.I am typically told I am exotic looking.

 

[Ellen]

I find this thread utterly facinating, for a couple reasons. One, I can''t believe the question was even asked (though that''s not a criticism butterfly!), and two, that there are so many honest answers. I was brought up that one didn''t discuss their looks. Ever. It was a sign of conceit. I''m not saying that''s right, or wrong, just the way it was. And I feel really strange answering, but, it seems slightly less "forbidden" I guess, because it''s on the internet. lol I know if someone asked me this in real life, there''s no way I''d answer.


I have been told I''m a variety of things. Pretty, beautiful, drop dead, sexy, etc., though never cute. All my life. (though interestingly, never by my mother) And I have never gotten all the fuss, at all. If I am honest, I would say I look at myself and think I''m somewhat attractive, but not near to the level other people find me. There''s probably been a handful of times in my life I thought I looked really good.


I think it was Haven that said when someone tells her she''s pretty, she feels prettier, at least for the moment. That never happens to me, I feel more like Julie does with some people, only I feel that way all the time. They could be saying , it''s nice to meet you. Nothing happens, except of course I acknowledge I''m getting a compliment. I don''t know whether I think they all need glasses, or I do.

It''s funny, hubby and I were out the other night and ran into someone he went to school with, who had never met me. He said to hubby he didn''t know he''d married a "model". Then he said I looked like Kate Winslet, though with darker hair. (I don''t think I look like her) It didn''t make me feel one bit prettier, but I had a blast making "movie star" jokes all night to hubby.

Something I found interesting was a remark by the uncle of one of my friends, which she relayed to me. He said he didn''t think I had any idea how pretty I was. Well, he''s right I guess, but what does that really mean? Let''s say I did, how would I act differently? Does it mean I''d act conceitedly? would I be less likable? I''ve often wondered what he meant by that.... I don''t think he meant a lack of self confidence, for I do have that. I dunno.


I think it''s really great that those of you who find yourself attractive can say so, so readily.

Great thread butterfly!

 

[Elmorton]

I''m a little late to the game on this thread, but to answer the OP - yupp, I think I''m pretty.

I''m 75 lbs overweight, have a big nose, chubby, short fingers, and big ears - so I don''t live in some fantasy land where I''m the lovliest being, but I still get genuine compliments from friends, family and most importantly DH - and that makes me feel/know that I am pretty. My parents spent a LOT of time when I was little telling me how beautiful I am, and to be honest, I think it goes a long way for adult self-esteem.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:19:39 PM
Author: Haven
Okay, I have another question:

For those of you with significant others, does your SO tell you that you're pretty/gorgeous/beautiful/hot? If so, which one, and how often? And, does it make you *feel* pretty?

My DH rarely gives me compliments, so he'll only comment on my appearance if I do something extraordinarily different like, you know, put on a wedding dress. That was probably the only time since our first few months of dating that he told me I look beautiful. It made me feel beautiful on our wedding day, though.

Haven, Is your DH mine? hehe, mine is the same. I know his heart is in a good place, but he is not expressive and not effusive with the compliments by a long shot. However he did tell me I was beautiful on my wedding day and I'll never forget that moment! I also wonder if there is correlation between the repetition of compliments we hear and our self-view. It probably gets diluted over time, but I still wouldn't mind hearing it a few more from my own DH, particurlary during times when I was feeling not so hot (when preggo for example!).

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:49:08 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 5/18/2009 9:19:39 PM

Author: Haven

Okay, I have another question:



For those of you with significant others, does your SO tell you that you''re pretty/gorgeous/beautiful/hot? If so, which one, and how often? And, does it make you *feel* pretty?



My DH rarely gives me compliments, so he''ll only comment on my appearance if I do something extraordinarily different like, you know, put on a wedding dress. That was probably the only time since our first few months of dating that he told me I look beautiful. It made me feel beautiful on our wedding day, though.

He tells me I''m gorgeous/beautiful/hot/sexy at least every other day, but usually every day. It rarely makes me feel hot/gorgeous/whatever, but it does make me feel loved and appreciated and happy, which boosts how I feel about myself in general.

totally agree with you princess. D tells me I''m sexy/gorgeous etc daily. It doesn''t make me feel either of those things but it''s nice to hear.

 

[Miscka]

This thread is fascinating.

Had you asked a year ago, I would have firmly said no. I hate HATE my nose. But, for some reason in this last year, I have started getting a lot more compliments, and a lot more attention. This makes me feel pretty, I suppose. People I have known forever are all of a sudden seem to think I look different than I used to. I am ok with that. I have decent self confidence these days, though not as great as maybe a few months ago.

To answer Haven (I think), my DH tells me all the time that I am gorgeous. He tells me that other people tell him I am attractive. When he says it, it doesn''t REALLY make me feel any differently, but I am very glad that he feels that way. He is the person that I would most want to think of me as pretty!

I guess my final answer would be that, yes, some days I honestly think I am. There are others that I would swear I am not. I know I feel much prettier when I wear something pretty and put on makeup.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 5/19/2009 1:10:26 AM
Author: Mara
SDL, it's so interesting that you say that you think your looks are average, yet you used to model! Come on ladies, you are way more beautiful than you give yourselves credit for! Whoever said that self-esteem and confidence, especially in your 'look', comes through big time to help people look even more attractive is spot on. I don't know what it is about our society that trains us to not appreciate how lovely we really are. Instead we focus on faults and compare ourselves to others, always coming up lacking...I read something once that said whenever you feel down on yourself or your looks that you should think about one thing that you love about yourself. You'll probably find that it balances out!

Haven...to answer your Q...Greg is hugely complimentary to me, he tells me I am sexy all the time, it's very sweet. When I dress up or we get ready to go out, he typically tells me tells me I look great. I don't have a cute look in the least, in fact I don't even think I could TRY to look cute, my eyes would give me away.I am typically told I am exotic looking.

In fact I feel the same as Mara in the highlighted part; I see so many beautiful PS'ers!!

Okay, I have to say I am glad Butterfly started this thread; it actually ended up giving me insight into some frustration I have with friends and family. I tend to be complimentary but when I do compliment someone, I say it in all sincerity. I won't give someone a compliment just to give one. Well with my female friends and family I would tell them "you are so pretty or that outfit is the cutest on you." Then I would get something like, "eh, I don't feel pretty" or "eh, this rag is from Target." I would find myself getting frustrated because then I would try and reassure them but at the same time feel a little insulted that they didn't believe me; I even had a discussion with a friend about this recently. I try hard to say thanks and leave it at that if I don't believe them but I am also guilty of this at times but I think Ellen hit the nail on the head so maybe that is why we can't accept a compliment? We are taught to be this way? I don't know but just reading this thread now makes sense to me; if that makes sense? hehe

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I think I am fairly attractive. I don''t think I am drop dead gorgeous and I don''t think I turn a lot of heads.

I''m as insecure as the next girl about her looks. There are plenty of things I would change. But, as I''ve gotten older I think I have grown into my face more and I can admit that I think I am pretty enough, but not beautiful.

I agree with the others that say that PS seems to have a confidence problem! There are oodles of gorgeous women on here. It''s sad to me that so many find themselves unremarkable.

 

[coda72]

I guess I''m in the same boat as many of you who posted. I do not think I''m pretty at all. My face has blotches on it from melasma, and other issues, and I would never go out of the house without makeup on. My hair is just average and now turning gray, and my body used to be good, but as I get older I''ve gained some weight. But I''m told fairly often that I''m pretty. I just think, wow, if they could see me without makeup, they wouldn''t say that!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:19:39 PM
Author: Haven
Okay, I have another question:

For those of you with significant others, does your SO tell you that you''re pretty/gorgeous/beautiful/hot? If so, which one, and how often? And, does it make you *feel* pretty?

Hubs tells me all the time that I''m "so cute," but much more about things I say/do than my appearance.

The appearance compliments are relatively rare, maybe once every 1-2 weeks? I dunno. It doesn''t really make me feel more beautiful, just a bit embarrassed, for whatever reason!!

 

[ChinaCat]

Hmm, in answering Haven''s question:

DH will definitely notice when I dress up or look good, but can''t remember what words he actually uses. I like it, but it doesn''t really affect my mood in general. For example, if I don''t feel pretty, even if he says it, I still don''t feel pretty.

BUT I am 7 months preggo, and my DH is constantly looking at me in amazement and saying things like "you are so cute" or something small like that and it just melts my heart. I have always heard people say they feel great or womanly or sexy pregnant and I could never understand it, but there is something primal about it. Anyways, when he says it now I believe him and it makes my day.

I had lunch alone with my dad the other day and he told me the cutest story. He had a reunion of sorts with a few people from high school (a dinner not an actual reunion). Two of the ladies there he said were some of the prettiest girls in high school, but now they were trying so hard to look young, too much make-up and loud clothing, etc. He said he went home to my mom and told her he was so glad he was married to her, and that she was so much more beautiful than them and that she''s still "got it".

Now my mom was gorgeous when younger, and she''s still pretty, but she''s in her 60''s and kinda looks like a mom to me. But how cute that my dad still sees what he sees in her. They''ve been married for almost 40 years and he still looks at her that way.

Ok, totally got off topic, but my point is that if at the end of 40 years my DH still thinks I''ve "got it" then that is all that matters.

And again, I am so surprised by some of the feelings on this topic. PS''ers are some of the most intelligent, vibrant and fascinating women I have ever come across and it''s sad that we are so down on our looks. Besides, MIA, I have seen your wedding pictures, hello? You''re gorgeous. And SDL, are you kidding me? So pretty. TACORI, you are adorable too, and a force. Besides, where do you think Tessa gets it from? She looks just like you!

 

[prettycat]

I was pretty 10 years ago in my 20''s, and was fairly often told by people around me or even strangers. But now, as a mom with 2 kids, I don''t think I am pretty any more.

 

[asscherisme]

I "use" to feel pretty. I think I was pretty once upon a time.

But now with the big 40 this year, the stress of raising 4 kids, 3 of whom are autistic on my own, I have gained some weight, don't have time for myself, and feel generally worn out.

Now if the question was "Do you think you are a good mom", I would say yes. I am my children's biggest protector and advocate. But am I pretty, nope, not so much. Being in a bad marriage and being told that no other man would ever want me and that I would always be alone does a number on how you feel about your looks.

I feel frumpy fat and old.

But my kids think I'm beautiful and that means the world to me.

When I was younger, beauty was very important to me. And I worried about what it would feel like to lose my looks. It kind of scared me. My mom was very very beautiful and I was the spitting image of her.

And my one non autistic daughter tells me that she wants to grow up and be just like me and hopes to be a good mom like me. That statement means so much more than beauty

And to that poster who said girls steal your beauty. I have both girls and boys and I think the statement should be "kids" steal your beauty.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

From a purely outward opinion, I do not think I am pretty at all (although I will admit I have a very nice set of eyes). Inwardly I think I am incredibly beautiful and I think that shines through more than what size I am or how perfect or imperfect my hair may be.

Recently a friend was showing photos of her and I together at an event (which I did get dolled up for) to one of her co-workers. When her friend saw my picture she told my friend (who, by the way, I consider to be very pretty) that she thought I was stunningly beautiful. When I saw my friend a few days later, she was telling me the story and her sister said that several people reacted similarly to a photo of her and I together. I actually cried when they both told me these stories because it is that rare that I am ever referred to as asthetically beautiful.

I rarely wear make up. I''m short and chubby. I let my hair take on a life of its own on most days. I do try and dress somewhat flattering to my figure but at the end of the day - I know inside I am as good as it gets: smart, witty, dependable, honest, independent, and responsible and I''m happy to have those qualities in one package

 

[steph72276]

Aww, some of ya'll need to work on your self confidence! I have seen pictures of some of you claiming to be plain and you guys are so pretty! It all kind of depends for me. I feel somewhat pretty when I'm all dolled up, but if you ask me first thing in the morning with my hair all over the place and no makeup, that's a different story!

 

[Haven]

I''m extremely confident, I don''t think that you have to think you''re pretty to be confident. I''m confident for a million other reasons.

As for the compliments from SOs, I really wish my DH said something nice to me more, even once a week would be a good start. That''s the only thing that does make me a bit insecure, the fact that I don''t think he finds me attractive. I don''t care if the whole world thinks I''m ugly, as long as DH finds me attractive. Ah, well, I don''t expect to be able to change him on this one. At least I know he loves me for *me*, right?

 

[October2008bride]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:19:39 PM
Author: Haven
Okay, I have another question:

For those of you with significant others, does your SO tell you that you're pretty/gorgeous/beautiful/hot? If so, which one, and how often? And, does it make you *feel* pretty?

My DH rarely gives me compliments, so he'll only comment on my appearance if I do something extraordinarily different like, you know, put on a wedding dress. That was probably the only time since our first few months of dating that he told me I look beautiful. It made me feel beautiful on our wedding day, though.

Hardly ever. It is really frustrating at times - I know I shouldn't rely on him for ego-boosting but seriously. If I dress up and do my hair, would it kill ya to say something nice?!

We actually just had a 'discussion' about this yesterday so it has def been on my mind.

ETA: I would think that if he told me, I would 'feel' it more. What he thinks of me matters the most and I'd love to feel like he thought I was beautiful no matter what. For all I know he does, but he certainly doesn't tell me!

 

[Viola]

Hm, this is a tough question.

Here goes...On bad days I feel ugly, on most days I feel average, and on a good day I feel pretty, but those days are few and far inbetween.

People have different perception of what pretty/beautiful is, I frequently get told that I'm pretty/beautiful by people and I turn into a tomato each and everytime. But I don't get what it is that other people see.

I think it has a lot to do with my childhood/teens, I was *always* bullied because of my looks (glasses, braces and bad hair). So those feelings of not being pretty have stuck with me, eventhough I know that my looks have changed for the better, I'm still to pale, to short, not fit enough, etc.

To answer Havens question, my bf tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, In lack of a response I just tell him that he's biased. haha

 

[Lynn B]

Very interesting thread.

I''m happy with my looks and yes, I think I am "pretty" ... although some days are certainly better than others

and right now I am suffering with a really bad haircut!

Of course, I have some physical qualities I would change if I magically could. (Although for me, personally, I can''t imagine ever having cosmetic surgery strictly to improve my looks or to look "younger"; but of course that''s just my own personal opinion -- and another thread for another time, anyway!)

I think it''s important to do (as my dear grandma used to say "the best you can with what you have to work with"! I try hard to exercise, eat right, etc., and I love make-up and jewelry (

) and I always try to choose flattering hairstyles, etc. I think it shows (and I find it attractive) when someone obviously takes good care of themselves.

And to answer the second question, yes, my DH thinks I am "beautiful", and tells me that everyday. In all these years together, he honestly still thinks I am the "most beautiful girl in the world." Now I well know THAT''S not quite true

but of course I love hearing it anyway!

 

[packrat]

I felt pretty today-I got my hair cut and it made me feel a bit spruced up. Even w/no make up on and in old capri''s and an old stretched out tshirt!

 

[Courtneylub]

Honestly, overall...I will say I feel pretty. I hated my nose my entire life and thought I was "cute" on my best days. After cosmetic surgery, I can say I feel pretty. There are days I feel beautiful, like on my wedding day and when I visit my family. They always make me feel so great about myself. They really lift me up. I have never felt "hot" or "gorgeous". Having just had a baby 3 weeks ago, I''m not loving my body right now, but I guess I didn''t love it before either! I wish I had more self esteem in that area. Great thread, by the way!!

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/19/2009 8:13:49 AM
Author: Ellen
I find this thread utterly facinating, for a couple reasons. One, I can''t believe the question was even asked (though that''s not a criticism butterfly!), and two, that there are so many honest answers. I was brought up that one didn''t discuss their looks.

Great thread butterfly!

Ha,ha, I think I was having a Dfire moment.

Don''t really know why I asked, just one of those days I guess, although I am surprised that so many people have answered as honestly as they have.

I don''t know if I am more surprised about the "I am pretty" answers than the "I am not pretty" answers.

I have to say, that feeling "pretty" has more to do with self confidence than anything else. There are so many times I have seen a woman and thought, wow, the way she carries herself, I wish I had that confidence.

I was also always told not to discuss ones looks, and in general in my family, they always talked about what was wrong with you than what was right with you. I grew up knowing all my faults, but not being commended on my attributes and it has had a huge impact on my life.

I try to make sure my kids know they are beautiful inside and out, even though they are not perfect or faultless.

 

[Elmorton]

Haven, to answer your ? - DH tells me I''m beautiful all the time and I don''t really like it - sometimes it makes me feel less attractive, even (I''m trying to lose weight, so lately he''s been really supportive since I''m talking about how I look more often and what my goals are). Honestly, it''s the times that he doesn''t say anything that is more effective. Sometimes we''ll be talking and I realize he''s staring at me in a certain way and not really paying attention to anything else - that''s when I know he thinks I''m beautiful.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/18/2009 9:19:39 PM
Author: Haven
Okay, I have another question:

For those of you with significant others, does your SO tell you that you''re pretty/gorgeous/beautiful/hot? If so, which one, and how often? And, does it make you *feel* pretty?

My husband never makes me feel ugly, that''s for sure, but he very seldom tells me I am pretty, so I asked him last nite, am I pretty, guess what he said? Well, he said I was pretty, but that''s the expected answer, lol....


I get "hit on" alot at work, by married men and by single men and I wonder if they realize the impact it makes on the women they are "hitting on".

Does it affect how I feel about myself, yes, of course, just like if I am wearing my diamond ring and someone notices it, it makes me feel good about myself, but probably for all the wrong reasons!

 

[elrohwen]

I definitely consider myself pretty. I don't think I'm gorgeous, but I think I clean up well

ETA: To answer Haven's question, FI tells me I'm cute constantly; so much that it doesn't have an impact on me anymore. Next up would be pretty, and he'll tell me that if I look particularly nice for work or for a party or something. I'm spoiled with compliments

. Sometimes they make me feel prettier, and sometimes I brush them off because I know my hair looks funky and I haven't showered in more than a day

 

[musey]

Date: 5/19/2009 8:58:17 PM
Author: packrat
I felt pretty today-I got my hair cut and it made me feel a bit spruced up. Even w/no make up on and in old capri''s and an old stretched out tshirt!

That new-haircut-feeling is the BEST! I know just what you mean!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/19/2009 11:10:46 AM
Author: Skippy123
Okay, I have to say I am glad Butterfly started this thread; it actually ended up giving me insight into some frustration I have with friends and family. I tend to be complimentary but when I do compliment someone, I say it in all sincerity. I won''t give someone a compliment just to give one. Well with my female friends and family I would tell them ''you are so pretty or that outfit is the cutest on you.'' Then I would get something like, ''eh, I don''t feel pretty'' or ''eh, this rag is from Target.'' I would find myself getting frustrated because then I would try and reassure them but at the same time feel a little insulted that they didn''t believe me; I even had a discussion with a friend about this recently. I try hard to say thanks and leave it at that if I don''t believe them but I am also guilty of this at times but I think Ellen hit the nail on the head so maybe that is why we can''t accept a compliment? We are taught to be this way? I don''t know but just reading this thread now makes sense to me; if that makes sense? hehe

I always wonder why women do this. (Maybe men do it, too, but I have yet to hear it!) If someone is complimenting you, why is it so hard to accept the compliment gracefully, even if in your mind you disagree? I always tell my friends how pretty they look, and I try to notice new clothes and comment on them. Sometimes it''s taken well, and sometimes it isn''t, but I get frustrated when they tell me that NO, I''m wrong, they are not cute.

Oh! Or even worse - when they say, "I''m soooo fat." And they weight maybe 100 pounds and are 5''5". Whyyyy fish for compliments?

I give compliments very freely - you don''t have to beg me for them! I generally have something nice to say about almost everyone. I know I enjoy being told I look nice, so I try to do the same for others.

 

[Burk]

I just got a "thank you" note from one of my students that made me think of this thread. The student wrote that I'm her favorite teacher because I'm "so awesome and gorgeous." Seriously made my day. Yep, that's right, a 12 year-old girl's compliment made my day.

I'm very confident and feel like I'm an attractive woman, but it never hurts to hear someone else say it.

And, in answer to Haven's question, my DH routinely does tell me that I'm beautiful or hot and it still melts my heart every time I get a text telling me I'm beautiful!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/20/2009 3:50:41 PM
Author: Burk
I just got a ''thank you'' note from one of my students that made me think of this thread. The student wrote that I''m her favorite teacher because I''m ''so awesome and gorgeous.'' Seriously made my day. Yep, that''s right, a 12 year-old girl''s compliment made my day.

I''m very confident and feel like I''m an attractive woman, but it never hurts to hear someone else say it.

And, in answer to Haven''s question, my DH routinely does tell me that I''m beautiful or hot and it still melts my heart every time I get a text telling me I''m beautiful!

Awww! That is so sweet!