Anxious to get the engagement ring

[JCJD]

Melissa - That''s AWESOME!!!!! I would TOTALLY do the same thing!!! (If I had the freaking ring!!) I usually don''t have a problem with wandering around Best Buy with him either, mostly cause I have similar interests in movies and computer equipment as he does. But when we get into the games section - GET ME OUT OF THERE!!! It''s so funny, when he''s bored and has some $$ burning a hole in his pocket, he just goes to Best Buy and buys a CD or movie or game on sale. The last time he did that, I was like, "and you''re still going to make it by Thanksgiving, right???" (He said yes)....... boys and their toys.... silly.

Emeraldgirl - I have a friend (youngest of 3 girls) who was engaged to and married her now-husband all in the course of a week (they had been dating for 7 years, lived together for the last one). Their wedding ceremony involved both of their parents as attendants, no other guests, at the county courthouse in front of a justice of the peace. They didn''t even send out announcements! And 2 years later, she says she wouldn''t change a thing! It helps that she''d done the all-out-wedding thing at her sisters'' weddings before, so her parents had gotten to experience that already. I would love to elope too, but since I''m the oldest one in the family and the first grandchild on both sides and the first to get married in this generation (at least in my biological family - all 3 stepsisters are married), my family would tar and feather me if I eloped! And his family wouldn''t be too happy either! Just so long as they help pay for the wedding they all want me to have...

Your promise ring is so pretty ginger!!! I want to hear more about it!

I went to dinner with my mom, sister, and brothers last night at a Chinese restaurant. My fortune was ridiculous (You are a very happy man.) so I was making them all guess what it said. Know what my mom suggested??? "You will get married very soon!" and "You will get engaged very soon!" my poor mama... she''s just as anxious as I am, I think!

 

[yanekie25]

I have been thinking an engagement gift too. The plasma was on the list, but I just can''t spend that kind of money. Not right now at least. I thought about 1ct stud for his ear. I have trying to figure out how low in color and quality I could go. I know he would really like it, thought wise and he would never get it himself. Any suggestions you ladies have would be great. I did a pricescope search and had some contenders. I think I can go as low as J and maybe SI2 clarity. I heard I need a great cut, but what about an okay cut. Thoughts????

 

[Tybee]

That is such a sweet idea! A diamond for the both of you! Mine wouldn''t wear a diamond...but he''d drop dead over a new TV...funny thing is, we already have a HUGE TV. I was actually thinking about getting an ipod for my sweety...the problem is, he''s really hard to buy for. If he wants something, he usually goes out and buys it.
Boys...

 

[gingerBcookie]

goldengirl - oh i hope your dream comes true soon!!!! jsut the engagement part, I can see how having a giant purple stalker can get wearing after awhile.

on a totally off side note, when I was younger I had a recurring nightmare about a large purple monster after me too...he looked a lot like grimus (of McDonald''s fame). just thought it was a weird connection

JCJD - my bf gave it to me on our 2 yr anniversary and I''ve worn it everyday since. I had gottten into a car accident earlier this year (driving home after call, fell asleep at the wheel - the risks of being a med student

) and was wearing it, so it got pretty beat up and is no longer perectly circle, but I still wear it. It''s a sapphire with diamond melee on a yellow gold band. Pretty sure the quality sapphire and melee is crap (bought it at zales outlet store and esp after coming onto this forum you can see the caliber of the stuff zales sold him) but I LOVE it just cuz.

engagement gift wise - i agree totally with jcjd as far as rather have the money go towards the honeymoon or the down payment on our dream house, but then i can also see how it would be nice to mark the occasion with something m=nice for him. i''d probably go middle of the road and buy him something, but maybe not as extravagantas a plasma tv (allthough right now he would die of ecstasy to get a projector so he can play his games at 10x life size)....

boys...(heehee, there seems to be an echo here!)

 

[JCJD]

When I was younger, I had a recurring nightmare about a large octopus-type monster (with about 20 tentacles!!) that was on display at a seafood restaurant my family was eating at in the dream. Following the meal, we''d leave the restaurant, the octopus would get down off the wall and follow us down the street and attack my mom before I''d wake up!!! Terrible dream!

The same thing would happen every time, and I''d try to warn my mom, but she wouldn''t listen in the dream. Ugh....

 

[goldengirl]

Hmm. When I was younger, my recurring nightmare was ....odd, to say the least. The way our apartment was laid out, when I was going to bed, I''d fall asleep looking down the hall straight at my mom''s alarm clock. So I''d fall asleep looking at the alarm clock, and you know how when your eyes start to close your vision blurs and swims a little? Well, I think that was the basis for this nightmare.

Anyway, so in my dream I''d see these big red numbers, like from the alarm clock, and slowly the numbers would blur and swim together and get all misshapen and knotted up in each other, and the whole while there''s this hum in the background like a fan far far away...and as the numbers get more tied up the hum gets louder and deeper and has a flatter pitch...and then when it was so tangled it was impossible to understand what they used to be, they''d snap right back into their proper shape. And repeat, all night.

And for some indescribable reason, this dream freaked me out. Which of course means I got it a lot.

That dream was scarier, to me, than (for example) when I went to see Pinnochio on Ice and had a nightmare about being swallowed by a whale. At least THAT dream made sense, and I could write it off as sillyness. But the weird numbers-tangling-up-like-yarn dream really unsettled me for a long time. I still get a little creeped out when I think about it. Like when you''re watching a movie and nothing''s happening but the music scares you anyway. Ugh.

I think my dream last night is due to the fact that I''m worried about my puppy, who has developed a limp for no apparent reason, and of course I''m thinking the worst like it''s hip dysplasia or an inoperable tumor. He has an appt to see the vet tomorrow, right after the interview I have scheduled which I''m sure I''ll totally botch since I''ll be focused on worrying about my puppy.

 

[JCJD]

goldengirl - I hope your puppy is OK too! I''m sure it''s something easy that the vet can deal with. Good luck on your interview!!

My cats are both dealing with chronic staph infections, that have manifested as feline acne and skin infections, one cat on her belly (leads to habitual licking and removal of fur), the other cat on her back, where she has dry skin. So I''ve had them on antibiotics for a month or so each, and they''re still not completely cured... My poor girls! At least this vet knew what to look for when I described their symptoms and could diagnose the problem!

 

[tlmd]

HaHa....sea creatures from restaurants can really scare you! When I was younger we went to Red Lobster and while we were waiting to be seated we were standing near the giant aquarium with all of the live lobsters in it. After that I swore there were lobsters everywhere there was water. I was scared to go in the pool and I was really scared to go the bathroom because I was afraid a lobster was going to come through and pinch my butt! This went on for months! I still hate the site of lobsters.......

 

[JCJD]

LOL tlmd!! The funny thing is, I''m vegetarian, and I rarely ate seafood as a child, so we never went to seafood restaurants!! So I have no idea where that nightmare came from!

 

[gingerBcookie]

I had lots of recurring night mares when i was a kid, although the scariest one always involved a disembodied hand chasing after me. I twas always jsut behind me no matter how fast I ranor if I jumped over things, shut the door, etc....

still creeps me out today thinking about it.

 

[njc]

Sounds like you watched one too many episodes of the Addams Family!

 

[flopkins]

i am loving all the nightmare stories!!

i have to admit i don''t have any good childhood ones that i recall, but since this is a diamond forum i have to share my engagement ring nightmare... this was about a month ago, when i was freaking out when my FI was going to propose, and i had this dream...

that he propsed to me with this huge pink diamond (which i would love to have, of course) but it was in the shape of a tulip!!!!!!!! like, not just any normal ring, a pink tulip!!!!

i have NO IDEA where that came from. and in my dream i kinda looked at the thing... going... wow.... thats NOT what we shopped for!!! hahahahahaha and thats not all!!! the ring had a LOCK on it!! like this huge montrous mechanical lock... that was so big it took up the whole palm of my hand.... and i said to my FI, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... how do i use my left hand?!!!!! the whole time i was SO confused!

and that was my very scary engagement ring nightmare!!!!! i dunnos.... but boy thats what waiting for an ering can do to ya! sheesh! i told my FI the dream and he laughed so hard at me!! oh man.

ok i''m done.

 

[Tybee]

Date: 11/17/2004 4:24:52 PM
Author: gingerBcookie
I had lots of recurring night mares when i was a kid, although the scariest one always involved a disembodied hand chasing after me. I twas always jsut behind me no matter how fast I ranor if I jumped over things, shut the door, etc....

still creeps me out today thinking about it.

Oh My God!
That''s my nightmare! I do think it came from the Adams Family. I used to take a running leap onto my bed at night so that it wouldn''t reach out and grab me...

Oh, and I was always afraid of being possessed "Exorsistlike" I never even saw that movie, but it scared the living daylights out of me.

GoldenGirl, my best wishes for your puppy. My Harlequin has hipdysplasia...it was the reason that I adopted her. She doesn''t need surgery, but I worry about her down the line. I will think good thoughts for your pup.

(oh, and that clock dream is creepy as H*LL

 

[psuheather]

Goldengirl--I am sending out good thoughts for your puppy. Poor thing! This is going to sound totally crazy, but you never know...if you can't figure it out at the vet, might be an option...my friend's cat just woke up one morning with a limp. She took him to the vet and they couldn't find out what was wrong. After a couple of weeks later, the cat still had the limp, and she read in a magazine somewhere that accupuncture can be beneficial for animals. So she took him to get accupuncture and "viola"! No more limp! Who knows what that's about, but I thought I'd share...
Oh, and, that numbers dream freaked me out just hearing about it. It definitely sounds like the type thing that has a much deeper meaning...

Flopkins--it's finally happened. We are so obsessed (or I guess you were so obsessed)that its seeped into our subconcious...I constantly have ering nightmares! The scene always goes something like this--he proposes and its beautiful...he takes out the ring and places it on my finger and its stunning, exactly what I wanted...but then, I look away, and when I look back, the ring is completely different (and not at all what I wanted.) I am confused, but then I think, "no, I guess this is what is always was", but in the back of my mind I know that something just isnt right. I can't even get away from it in my sleep!!!!!!!!

My sister just got married in October and I was the maid of honor, and for months before the wedding I had a nightmare almost every other night where all of a sudden, it's the day of the wedding...i had completely forgotten and I realize as I'm walking down the aisle that I forgot to write a toast, so I'm trying to write one as I'm standing at the front of the chapel! It was horrible! Oh, and I also have had a recurring nightmare since I was little that my teeth are falling out, which, I just found out from watching the View, means that I've said something that I wish I could take back

! I guess I better keep my mouth shut from now on!

 

[goldengirl]

Thanks everyone for thinking of my pup...I''ve been crazy worried about him. I think he''s doing a little better today, but unless I see some serious improvement tomorrow it''s off to the doc for him! Oh, and I''d be happy to look into acupuncture if the vet can''t find a cause. I tried to take him to the chiropractor yesterday but my doc was booked.

I''m so glad other people think my clock dream is creepy!!!! My whole life whenever people start sharing scary dream stories, I get looked at like I''m a total dork when I tell them about my clock dream! Yay, other people think it''s scary too!!

Oh, and heather.... from my understanding (mostly based on my dream books), dreaming that you''re losing your teeth means you have a friend that''s betraying you. I''ve had those dreams a few times, too...I always wake up, totally creeped out, checking all my teeth to make sure they''re not loose (the fact that I spent like four years in braces has contributed to my teeth anal-ism)... in fact, the last time I had that dream, my best friend-slash-roommate got married while I was away for the weekend to this guy she''d known 5 weeks and her new husband got me evicted from my own apartment within the month.

(We haven''t spoken since.)

Aren''t friends fun??

 

[blueroses]

Goldengirl, thank you for adding me to the updated list!! Yay

I hope your baby''s vet visit turns up something minor. I have a senior citizen mini poodle who had a lot of spinal/neurological issues last year, and I know how hard it can be.....if it''s a limp, hopefully it turns out to be something as mild as stepping on a thorn or something and no hip displaysia!

I''ll keep everyone posted....I know the bf did some ring shopping today, but that doesn''t necessarily mean anything.

Happy Thursday!

 

[yanekie25]

Wow, all those nightmares are scary. I usually have one, where I get eaten by a snake or alligator. I guess growing up in S. Fl gives you that.

I need some intervention. SERIOUS HELP!!!!!!! So, I found out the setting that I like/love is available to be viewed again at a local jeweler. I ask my BF should I go try it on to make sure I like it. He says, you can, just don''t get to thinking that it is the perfect one and you have to have it. Okay, so, I am like, well what is the point, because if I do love it, I may not get it and just be further bummed with what I get. I kinda ignore it and be like, he may just be trying to throw me off. I mean he knows I like it, why wouldn''t it be in heavy contention for the ring. So, as a neurotic person I am, I use this to dig. So, does it have claw prongs. He''s like "not sure, maybe, perhaps. don''t know if I can get it like that". Lightblub goes off, what do you mean I can''t get it like that? The ring isn''t ordered yet. Is it?? Dead silence. Okay, blood rushes to my brain so fast, I nearly lose it. So, I press more. I mean, now I am really worried. He has made this decision. I am not even sure what I like yet. I thought we had time. I mean I think I do, but darn it. I change my mind so often. How could he have possibly known enough to get it. Deep paranoia, now seeps it. I am now sick to my stomach worried about what does this mystery ring look like, what if I don''t like it. Should I even bother trying on the other setting. All of this running through my mind. Not helped by his reaction, which is.."I will just cancel it, you obviously don''t like it. You won''t like anything I get. I thought you wanted me to choose and want it, why don''t I just send you to the store with the money, so you can get what you want" My head is spinning. I don''t know what I want. I don''t want to be ungrateful, but I so want to love this ring. So, I have been in tears since last night.

Totally confused. I can''t talk to my BF, because I don''t know what to say. I still want to try on this setting, knowing full well that my ring he picked is nothing like it. I hate feeling like this, I hate making him feel like this, since I know it took a lot to make this decision.

Ladies, please help me. I feel like this ring has totally turned us upside down. Am I being crazy. Am I overthinking this. How is it so simple for everyone else, and just so darn complicated for me.

 

[MelissaSue]

Yanekie - Relax!!!! I know this is stressful.. believe me I do. I remember pressing my fiance for information about when my ring was coming and if it had been ordered and all that stuff. I probably drove him out of my mind (and several of my friends and these girls as well)

However, I''m sure he is trying to suprise you. He''s saying these things to throw you off the track.

Here are a few things to think about
1) I HIGHLY doubt you will DISLIKE whatever engagement ring you get. It will be sparkly and beautiful and from the man that you love.

2) Try on that setting! If you LOVE it.. tell him that. If he''s just saying that stuff to throw you off, then he will know what direction to go in when he does get the setting. If he already did pick out your setting.. then oh well. How do you know the one he picked isn''t at least similar to it? And I promise that it will be gorgeous regardless.

3) He''s right, you wanted him to choose your ring.. so you have to let him. I know it would drive me nutso too!!!!! but unless you want to pick it out yourself and not be suprised, you have to just let him pick. He''s probably really concerned now too that YOU are going to hate what he picks for you and he shouldn''t have to feel that way.


I''m sorry for lecturing. I don''t like being like that. You just seem to be reallly panicking and I thought maybe some "straight-talk" would calm you down. I don''t mean it be offensive or anything like that. You can ignore me if you want. What do I know.. I was this crazy a month ago!

I''m going back to re-try on those dresses today!!!!!! i REALLY am tempted to buy one.. but my fiance told me not too! He said I might find one I like better in the next year or so.. but I really don''t think that I will.. I mean I have looked through every bridal magazine 100 times and spend a thousand years on theknot.com and the only dresses out there that i like at ALL are either a million dollars and/or not available around here. Maybe I should go to another bridal shop or two.. but my mom doesn''t have time to go all over the city with me.. so I''d have to go by myself. So I think that if I really still like this dress (I''ve been wanting to go back there all week to see it again) I should get it.. What do you girls think?

 

[yanekie25]

MelissaSue, I am not offended. I think I need someone to slap me in the face and say "Snap out of it". I totally need straight talk, if you read my post I was rambling like a lunatic. So, not me. I am a Type A finance nut. Not the rambling type. I am so a rational person in everything else it boggles my mind that something as a ring, could turn me into a nut job. A very unattractive nut job. So, to respond back.

1. I don''t think I will dislike it. My issue is will I love it? If I don''t, my face will show it and it will be obvious. At least that is what I fear to the deepest of my soul

2. I know it''s not it. He told me. He didn''t like the antique look of that setting, so he went with something more modern. Which in my speak, means boring. I wanted a unique setting, hence the going crazy for weeks. Not just some run of mill thing.

3. I agree with this. I can''t really argue the point. I do want a surprise and do want the ring to be what he wants to give me and not what I want, but I want to love it. Maybe, I am expecting way to much of this thing and have totally over romantized the experince.

For you dress, for experince with past brides. You know once you try it one. You will put it on, and just feel right. If not, if you get it, you will keep trying on dresses to see if you will like something better and end up with multiple dresses. I think if you don''t get the flutter in your stomach, then maybe waiting a bit would be the right thing to do.

 

[njc]

Yanekie - I am sooooo sorry! I assure you that you are not the only girl freaking out over her setting. It is a very personal thing that you want to like because you are going to be wearing it for a long time! Hell, im not even 100% sure what my setting is, but feel that is a totally different situation from yours.

So, does it have claw prongs. He''s like "not sure, maybe, perhaps. don''t know if I can get it like that".
Does he even know what claw prongs are? I know my b/f wouldnt know them if they ran him over on the street.

"I will just cancel it, you obviously don''t like it. You won''t like anything I get. I thought you wanted me to choose and want it, why don''t I just send you to the store with the money, so you can get what you want"
This sounds like it came straight from my b/f mouth. I would try to talk to him about this. Its not that you dont like it (because you havent seen it) you are just so worried. Tell him what you have told us... that you thought you had more time to look around more. But at the same time, are you putting too much pressure on yourself and him to have the *perfect* setting? The way we complain about the boys taking too long to propose because they want it to be *perfect*? You never know, maybe he has found something that combines a little bit of everything from all the rings you all have looked at. You might look at it for the first time and say, ''YES! That is *exactly* what i want, i love it!''. I am leaning towards giving him a shot, but you have to make that decision on your own. I would definatly at least talk to him about the situation, CALMLY and without getting upset if possible. Express your concerns and explain what you are feeling. Hopefully if you can both talk about it without getting upset, he might be willing to share some minor details to put you at ease.

Now i know it is easier said than done. I have problems myself expressing things to the b/f (esp over the ering), but have made special efforts since we moved in together to express them. No relationship is going to work without communication and if i dont start doing it now, i wont do it when we are married and am affraid that will lead to a divorce. And i dont mean to say that you all dont communicate well, because i dont know those details.

I also felt turned upside down by the ring at one point. I got so upset when he wanted to save up some more money and said that i would have to wait another month or so before we could go shopping again. I was very short with him for a good week to which he finally said he had never seen this materialistic side of me and it made him very concerned to the point he wasnt sure this was a good relationship. That snapped me back REALLY quick and i realized how silly i was being.

Sorry this was so long... i kinda got on a roll! So you really need to talk to your b/f. You need to get back on level ground about the whole thing. And like i said, you might be putting too much pressure on having the *perfect* setting. Hope this helps and that i didnt offend you in any way, as that isnt my intention. Keep us updated!

 

[theinquisitor]

Yanekie, please don''t feel bad about the rush of emotions you''re having about the ring! I think that the ring, like the dress, can become the repository for a lot of feelings we''re having about engagement and marriage in general, so they tend to become CHARGED ITEMS!! In the emotional sense, and possibly in the credit card sense.

A friend of mine who got engaged last year loved antique settings. But her boyfriend totally surprised her with the ring, and the proposal, and he got her a Tiffany prong setting (with an absolutely gorgeous RB, might I add). Anyway, she really didn''t like the setting at first because she thought it was too plain, not her style. But then she went to pick out a wedding band and got one with tiny diamonds in a pretty lacy pattern. Worn with her e-ring, the two just look beautiful together, and now she is in love with them!!!

This is not to say that you shouldn''t ask the BF for what you want. It''s just an illustration that even if you are disappointed with the setting he gets you, it''s not the end of the world -- you can do all kinds of things to repair that, including resetting if you want. So please don''t stress yourself out worrying too much about it!! And congrats on being so close to getting the ring!

 

[blueroses]

Yankekie, don''t be too hard on yourself--your "ramblings" sound a lot like my end of some of our conversations lately. I have such a specific idea of what I like and at the same time I want the surprise of him picking out the ring, so I guess I''m trying to have my cake and eat it too. It will be ok--and the way you are feeling is so normal--I think this makes us all go a little nutty. And your bf probably saw the panic in your face and then HE started to panic about his choice, hence the sort of babyish (my bf is the same way) well, FINE you won''t like anything I like anyway, so THERE comment. I''m sure he kept your preferences in mind and probably tried to find a compromise of sorts...either that or something just spoke to him as being really "you"...I have my fingers crossed, but try not to worry too much

MelissaSue, I think you should go with your gut on a wedding dress. My sister tried on dresses for 3 months and then went back to the FIRST dress she tried on. Every other dress after that had been compared to it unconsciously, and I bet you will do the same now that you''ve seen this one that you really love.

Loved hearing everyone''s crazy nightmare stories! I have had a couple where I was given an ugly ring, but the ones that got me when I was younger were packing-anxiety dreams....this never ending suitcase packing and trying to catch aflight or move or something. (I went to college 3,000 miles from home, so I think it''s to do with that.) No massive sea creatures or disembodied hands though!

Goldengirl, happy thoughts for your puppy!!

 

[yanekie25]

NJC, I take no offense. I wish it would all go away actually. I agree with everything you said. He should know since I sent him like 3 pics of them, and pretty much designed my setting in detail. But oh well. You second comment really hit home. He is very put off by my emphasis on the ring, especially since he already proposed to me without it, and this ring was just to formalize everything and he didn''t want me walking around announcing plans with nothing on my hand. Just not ideal. He said " I am beginning to feel the other proposal didn''t happen". I was in tears, because that is not at all how I feel. Actually, since the ring is mere jewelry which is why I really want to like it and just have it be what I want. I realize now its hard to separate one from the other, darn near impossible actually. Hence the craziness. I am not trying to be materialistic at all, but I can see where he is coming from. We have talked this subject to death actually, I don''t think anymore talking. I feel bad pouring this out to you guys, but no one else knows we are engaged or that this is even happening, so I have no where to really turn concerning it. It awful to ask you guys, since you don''t know either party and are just getting my side. I am sure some of you are like, should they even be getting engaged. They can''t even get this ring thing together. I wouldn''t blame you, if I read this. I would think the same thing. I just needed to get an outside opinion, because whatever I am thinking is just not working. I agree that maybe I am putting too much emphasis on the perfect setting. I guess I am thinking that there is just "the one" ring, which is not the case. I can say this, but do I believe deep down. Preface, I have had nightmares, where I married him and looked at my finger was totally disgusted by the ring, not at all what I wanted and pretty much ran away from him. I don''t consider myself overmaterialistic, I would describe it more as moderate. Though this will be the most I have spent on anything that I wear. I can''t return it either. I have to wear it forever.

I know its not awful, I won''t dislike it, but will I love it. Like drool over it. How much of that is the ring vs. that BF gave it too you. With his current attitude and demaeanor towards this whole thing, I am thinking I may need to be the ring. I feel like he is going to come home, throw a box on the bed and be like here. The horror.

How is world am I going to be able to pick a wedding dress. I am sure you are not trying to be around for this saga. Not even I am looking forward to it.

BTW: I don''t take offense lightly. With friends like mine on top of family, my skin is pretty thick. Please share freely. Just don''t start calling me names.

 

[blueroses]

You poor thing!! I didn''t realize that the engagement was secret until the ring was finalized....this is a LOT to carry on your shoulders and of course the ring gets all emotionally fraught and tied in with EVERYTHING even though the proposal already happened. You just want to like what you have to wear for many decades, and he''s getting a little defensive perhaps? And probably a little worried that you won''t like his choice--and also worried too if this is the way things are going to be. I just had this same kind of discussion with my bf.....he suddenly said, "all we do is argue" which caught me so completely off guard--it''s not strictly true--but the only thing we argue about is rings and engagement...so I know how you feel just in terms of this big diamond monster taking over your whole relationship!!

I think your reaction to the conversation was warranted, but he probably got his feelings a little hurt and misunderstood where your reaction came from. I''m sure he knows your taste (esp. with exact settings picked out) that he wouldn''t stray too far from that. And WORST case scenario, you "upgrade" in five years? As soon as the ring appears, a lot of this tension will go away. At least that''s how I feel on my end--it''s like, I''d rather be figuring out details of our life together than stressing about the ring, but the ring is HUGELY stressful!!

Vent away--I think we can all take it

 

[njc]

Date: 11/18/2004 11:12:59 AM
Author: blueroses

I think your reaction to the conversation was warranted, but he probably got his feelings a little hurt and misunderstood where your reaction came from. I''m sure he knows your taste (esp. with exact settings picked out) that he wouldn''t stray too far from that. And WORST case scenario, you ''upgrade'' in five years? As soon as the ring appears, a lot of this tension will go away. At least that''s how I feel on my end--it''s like, I''d rather be figuring out details of our life together than stressing about the ring, but the ring is HUGELY stressful!!

Vent away--I think we can all take it

I completly second what blue just said.

 

[MelissaSue]

HaHA.. If you think that the ring causes tension.. and that your dress will.. Try making your GUEST list for your wedding. I was hoping to keep it smallish- under a hundred people and I only have maybe 25-30 guests that I want to invite that are MY friends. But he wants to invite his entire high school class practically. These are people whom I have never met, let alone HEARD of half of them, and he is saying that they absolutely MUST be invited to our wedding.. Under 100 is out of the question.. shooting for under 150 now.. Which is gross. I dont like big groups of people? Why should I have all these people that I don''t know at my wedding? And his mom, she''s wonderful, but she won''t let me do any of the ideas that I want to save money. Which.. is fine, because his parents and my parents will be paying for everything.. and i have a feeling his parents will be paying for more, but I''m already starting to feel a little stressed about the wedding planning, and its more than a year away.

Not to mention my fiance was supposed to call me a half hour ago so we could go out to lunch and he totally blew me off apparently.

. I feel like I''m going to cry.

But.. I was probably a little too harsh with you before yanekie. I just think that you probably don''t really have a choice.. if he has already picked the setting and stuff. you''ll just have to be happy with it. I have friends that wanted different rings than what they got (I even have a friend who CHOSE her own ring and wants something different now, like a year later), but I really bet you will love the ring he picks for you. Even if you think that you won''t. I can''t guarantee it, but it might grow on you.. or it might be just the perfect thing even if its not what you expected.

Well I''m gonna go now and call my friend and cry to her about my fiance being a loser.

Melissa

 

[yanekie25]

Ladies, thanks. My lovely Aunt Flo, just came today, which may have futher heightened the emotional rollar coaster that I am on. I don''t know what will happen. I have been avoiding him all day, which isn''t hard since we work in different states and only talk via email. I just wish it wasn''t this stressfull, and feel so bad for him, because I know its not a walk in the park for him either.

I totally feel once I get the ring, this will all go away. Will I get the ring at this rate??? Thanks for letting me vent. I was riding the train in to work, saying I need to just get to pricescope. Thanks a lot ladies.

 

[psuheather]

Date: 11/18/2004 11

0:19 AM
Author: yanekie25
I am sure some of you are like, should they even be getting engaged. They can''t even get this ring thing together. I wouldn''t blame you, if I read this. I would think the same thing. I just needed to get an outside opinion, because whatever I am thinking is just not working. I agree that maybe I am putting too much emphasis on the perfect setting. I guess I am thinking that there is just ''the one'' ring, which is not the case. I can say this, but do I believe deep down. Preface, I have had nightmares, where I married him and looked at my finger was totally disgusted by the ring, not at all what I wanted and pretty much ran away from him. I don''t consider myself overmaterialistic, I would describe it more as moderate. Though this will be the most I have spent on anything that I wear. I can''t return it either. I have to wear it forever.

I know its not awful, I won''t dislike it, but will I love it. Like drool over it. How much of that is the ring vs. that BF gave it too you. With his current attitude and demaeanor towards this whole thing, I am thinking I may need to be the ring. I feel like he is going to come home, throw a box on the bed and be like here. The horror.

I don''t know how much advice I can offer, but I just thought I''d show you a little solidarity so you realize that you''re not the only one. First of all, I would never even begin to think that you and your FI should not be getting engaged, and I highly doubt that anyone else on this forum would either. Every couple has tiffs and agruments--your relationship wouldn''t be healthy if you didn''t. And this is a very touchy subject--we woman get way too obssessed

, our men don''t really "get" it, and then they get offended because they think that we should just like what they get us, period. It''s complicated. It happens to the best of us.

I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from in terms of being worried that you will not love the setting. Before I made a final decision on my setting, I had probably 5 that were swirling around in my head. Every day, I decided that I liked a different one the best. It was a double-edged sword, because I really wanted to move the whole engagement process along (still waiting

........), but, at the same time, it worried me to death that my bf was going to go out and buy a ring before I had made my final decision. I was an absolute mess. This is how neurotic I was--I would think that I had decided on a setting, and I would tell him which one. Then, I would literally wake up from a deep sleep at 2 AM, realizing, that, no--that was not "the one", and now I was enlightened and had made the right decision. So (here comes the most neurotic part) I would actually call him at 2 AM when he had to be up at 4 AM for work to tell him, in a panic, that I had changed my mind. And you think you''ve gotten in ring arguments??? Believe me, you don''t want to see my bf after being woken up from a deep sleep to discuss rings...it''s not pretty...

I don''t think that you should feel bad about wanting the perfect ring. I also don''t view myself as materialistic...but you are right. This is something that we will literally have for the REST OF OUR LIVES. It''s a lot different than picking out a sweater. I almost feel like it would be negligent to be spending so much money on something and go "oh yeah, whatever you think will be fine..." And I tend to be opinionated--I like what I like. That''s just the way that I am...and it''s one of the things that my bf always says that he loves about me. We''re indecisive because we want to make sure that we choose the best (we chose our bf''s, right???, maybe you should explain it to him that way

)

With that being said, it''s also not healthy to be so anxiety-ridden over something. You''re going to give yourself ulcers (I know, i had one in college--not fun) Try to let yourself relax about it and deal with it as it comes. You never know...her might have gotten you the one you wanted, in which case you gave yourself an ulcer over nothing. Or, worst case scenario, you hate it, and after a while, you can modify it to your likings. I have a friend who didn''t really like her ring when she got it, and her fi was a little offended at first. But then they went and had it modified and he actually agreed that it looked much better.

Wish I could give you better advice...just know that there are others out there just like you!!!!!
Hang in there!

 

[yanekie25]

psuheather, Thank you for going in my brain and taking the information and putting it in such a rational and normal discussion. I feel so much better. I am not that crazy.

I really appreciate the encouragement. I am glad to hear I am not the only one. I totally feel like I am giving myself an ulcer, everytime the subject comes up. My stomach turns and I become nausea. I already have Acid reflux, so this doesn''t help a bit.

Reading your post, put me at ease. I thought I was only one waking up at 2am. I have done this on many a night. I am trying to relax. Though, staying on PS waiting to read your comforting words aren''t necessarily the best put oh well. I have to crawl before I can walk.

 

[aeli]

I''ve been following this thread for a while...just never posted. Yanekie, I feel for what you''ve been going through with the ring. I think many of us have specific visions of our dream ring and sometimes it''s hard for the men in our lives to understand how important it is to us (and that it really isn''t a materialistic thing). My fiance proposed without a ring and was going to have a stone set that was left by his mother. When he asked about the setting, I was very clear about liking antique looking pave settings in white gold or platinum (can''t stand yellow gold). When I got the ring, it was a classic 6 prong tiffany setting with a white gold band and yellow gold prongs. I didn''t mean for my disappointment to show, but it did. At first he expressed his anger/frustration at what he perceived to me being shallow/materialistic (this went on for weeks). When I couldn''t take the guilt trips anymore, I calmly explained that my disappointment was more in him disregarding my opinions on something that was really very important to me, and not just the ring. I think he finally got it. We went out the next day and chose a ring together that we both loved (I''m hoping to have his mother''s stone re-set for a birthday or anniversary gift

).

I hope everything works out for you. Also, it''s sometimes surprising that what looks good on you, isn''t what you expected or were looking for. In the meantime, maybe treat yourself to a pedicure or massage to relax you...?