Anxious to get the engagement ring

[psuheather]

Yikes...I had no idea how long my above post was...i just kept rambling

I forgot...Melissa Sue--just some quick advice on your dress...A friend of mine was looking for dresses and she had decided her budget was $2000. She loved a dress at the first salon she went--it was just under $2000. Then she went to another, found another she loved--it was $3500. By the time she decided on "the" dress" (many salons later), she ended up spending $6000! She loved her dress, but now she tells everyone to buy the first dress that they love. If you keep looking, chances are your going to find something else and either confuse yourself or spend more money. And if you don''t keep looking, you love your original choice and aren''t swayed by anything else!

***I don''t know if I could follow this advice. I''m defintely the type of person that would go to every salon in the area and try on 300 dresses--but i thought i''d pass one former''s brides advice along to you

 

[Tybee]

Yanekie...these are trying times. Give yourself a break. My BF and I had a serious talk (fight) about the ring thing too. I had to step back and remiind myself that it was him that I really wanted, not the ring. (Our argument was about the size of the diamond...I thought I needed a carat or more, he started to feel really bad, because he couldn't afford the ring I wanted...etc.)

Anyhow...when we get obsessed, it's hard to step away. Good luck. Do some breathing...have a cocktail, it will work out, even if it's not the way you DREAMED it would be, it will be great.

Tybee

edited to add how guilty and shallow I felt after the argument

 

[yanekie25]

I finally worked up the nerve to talk with BF. I kept referring to youf replie to keep me focused and on point. He understood where I was coming from, but really thought I just needed the ring ASAP. I said I have waited this long, because I want it to be right. No need to go rushing at the last minute. He understood. I don''t know what will happen. I will go try on that setting, just because but I feeling a bit more at ease. I will tell him my thoughts, what he does is his doing. I am trying to relax about it.

 

[njc]

Glad to hear you talked with your b/f and that you have an equal understanding. Sending good thoughts your way!

 

[psuheather]

Yanekie--Sounds like you handled it perfectly! Sometimes we just need to take a step back, breathe, and clear our minds before we can have a rational conversation. Hopefully this will all soon be a distant memory and you won''t even begin to understand why you put yourself through so much torture...

Before After

 

[gingerBcookie]

GIRLS! Guess who''s boyfriend has an appt with whiteflash today?

So just to update ya''ll on my ring sitch..I talked to leon yesterday about my ring and we both decided we are on the creative opposite ends of the pole as far as what we want for my ring. He wanted me to get a traditional round three stone and he hates trellis settings...where as I am favoring the RB center with flanking pears and I looooove trallis settings. So we mutually decided to part ways. He was very nice, a perfect professional and a perfect gentleman while being very honest. No hard feelings all around. Soooooo, let''s see what whiteflash says. Hopefully SOMEONE is willing to make me my dream ring!

Yanekie - you''ve gotten tons of great advice so I''m just gonna throw in my support and say "hang in there!"

Goldengirl - just adding some of my love for your puppy

 

[jenwill]

Yanekie- I am just getting past where you were with your OP on this subject.

My FH has had friends and family (male and female) telling him that even though I SAY that I want to help pick out stone and setting, that I don''t really mean it. That really I want to be surprised. And he was starting to buy into it.

So, I was getting really worried.

I decided to put the shoe on the other foot. I told him that I was going to get him an engagement present (which I am). That it was something he had been obsessing about for over a year, researching and deciding on which style, where to buy, blah de blahblahblah. A Rolex. Ok to tell him what it was, since technically I knew I was getting an e-ring, and he should have the same ability to enjoy the anticipation!

He was excited.

We talked about other stuff, and about an hour later he casually mentions- so you know which one I want, right? I said, oh yeah, pretty sure. He said do you know where to get it around here? I said- hey- leave it to me. So, on to other stuff.

Next morning he says again, you know I want ''this style, this metal, this that and the other''....I said- honey I have no idea why you are doing this, don''t you want it to be a surprise?

He says- it is too much money to spend on something that might not be exactly what he wants, since he has already looked so much at them that it would be best if he helped me.....and then he got ''the look of epiphany''. And said ''oh''.

At least now he understands where I am coming from. It may end up that he caves to family/friend pressure to have to both surprise me with ring and proposal...but I think we are inching towards him letting me help.

 

[JCJD]

Yanekie - Everyone else has already done a great job in offering advice in your stressful situation. The only thing left to do is:

No, you''re not the only one. Yes, this is completely normal!! Hooray!!! I''m glad you talked with your bf/fiance!! The sentiment that I''ve found my b/f needs to hear in these disputes and discussions (and it seems to be a trend) is that I truly love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Like my guy friend told me, engagement is the only time a boy''s brain is acting as a whole (rather than little divits of thinking), so when girls get stressed over the ering or proposal delays, boys take that as "OMG, she just wants to get the rock, or she just wants to get married, it''s not ME she wants!!!" Clear communication of the underlying reasons we''re stressed and they''re worried is the best solution, but you kind of have to become your own shrink. I think you handled it fantastically yanekie! And your relationship is stronger because you two worked through this problem together.

Aunt Flo sure can arrive at the wrong time of the month, can''t she? So imposing!

 

[JCJD]

Date: 11/18/2004 3

5:49 PM
Author: jenwill
Yanekie- I am just getting past where you were with your OP on this subject.


My FH has had friends and family (male and female) telling him that even though I SAY that I want to help pick out stone and setting, that I don''t really mean it. That really I want to be surprised. And he was starting to buy into it.


So, I was getting really worried.


I decided to put the shoe on the other foot. I told him that I was going to get him an engagement present (which I am). That it was something he had been obsessing about for over a year, researching and deciding on which style, where to buy, blah de blahblahblah. A Rolex. Ok to tell him what it was, since technically I knew I was getting an e-ring, and he should have the same ability to enjoy the anticipation!


He was excited.


We talked about other stuff, and about an hour later he casually mentions- so you know which one I want, right? I said, oh yeah, pretty sure. He said do you know where to get it around here? I said- hey- leave it to me. So, on to other stuff.


Next morning he says again, you know I want ''this style, this metal, this that and the other''....I said- honey I have no idea why you are doing this, don''t you want it to be a surprise?


He says- it is too much money to spend on something that might not be exactly what he wants, since he has already looked so much at them that it would be best if he helped me.....and then he got ''the look of epiphany''. And said ''oh''.



At least now he understands where I am coming from. It may end up that he caves to family/friend pressure to have to both surprise me with ring and proposal...but I think we are inching towards him letting me help.

You Go Girl!!!! That''s amazing!!

 

[njc]

Ginger - Sorry to hear that you and Leon had to part ways. I''ve heard of him doing this before and being an artist myself i totally agree. Its really best for both parties though. If he isnt into what hes creating it wont be his typical work of art, it will be a compromise to give you what you want. I wish i was famous enough to do that... sometimes i get projects that seem to just drag on forever because i cant stand them! Good luck with WhiteFlash! And i think a RB with flanking pears sounds dreamy!

 

[sciencegeek]

Date: 11/18/2004 2:56:12 PM
Author: gingerBcookie
GIRLS! Guess who''s boyfriend has an appt with whiteflash today?

So just to update ya''ll on my ring sitch..I talked to leon yesterday about my ring and we both decided we are on the creative opposite ends of the pole as far as what we want for my ring. He wanted me to get a traditional round three stone and he hates trellis settings...where as I am favoring the RB center with flanking pears and I looooove trallis settings. So we mutually decided to part ways. He was very nice, a perfect professional and a perfect gentleman while being very honest. No hard feelings all around. Soooooo, let''s see what whiteflash says. Hopefully SOMEONE is willing to make me my dream ring!

Congrats, Ginger!! This is great news. I love a round with pear side stones and I also really like truffle settings, I can''t wait to see what you end up with. In fact, I was talking about my ring with my fiance last night and he made the foolish mistake of asking what else I liked. Hahahaha! So I said I''d probably max out around 2 carats because I wouldn''t want the stone to cover my whole somewhat small finger, and someday I must have a round with pear sides. This site has totally corrupted me

Yanekie- We''re all here for you girl! I swear there''s some evil e-ring devil that sneaks into the brains of pre-e women and makes you totally psycho. I feel so much more normal and happy and like myself now, whereas I was a nagging b*tch while the ring was being designed and made. Not fun for anyone involved.

Goldengirl- Best wishes for your puppy. I had a gimpy cat for years and she got around just fine, we kept a special pet heating pad in her bed so she could soothe the joint. She loved it.

 

[yanekie25]

ginger, that is great news. I like your idea better. Not much into 3 stone for engagement rings. There are gorgeous. I guess I am a classic solitaire girl.

Jenwill, JCJD, Ginger, Sciencegeek, Thanks again. I am feeling much better. I think he does as well. That was the first conversation without my tummy going crazy.

Aunt Flo is so imposing. Not that didn''t have enough to handle. She is such the devil

 

[JCJD]

LOL yanekie! My sister and I worked out an Aunt Flo Code so we could yell for feminine products across the house without disgusting our younger bros - We called them "mattresses" or "sleeping bags", in order to accomodate Aunt Flo's "stay" with different "sleeping arrangements". So dorky!!

ginger - Sorry about Leon, glad it ended well. Hooray for Whiteflash!! Your round center pear sides trellis setting sounds delicious!

PS has definitely turned me into a pear side stone lover! What cts for the center and sides do you think?

goldengirl - More happy thoughts to your baby! I had a beautiful golden for 15 years until she died 2 years ago. Me and my kitty cats send happy thoughts to you and your dog!

 

[psuheather]

Jenwill-- I LOVE IT!!!!! That is the best story! Good for you! Isn''t it funny how guys have to actually put themselves in the situation before they can "get" it??? They would save us so much time and anguish if they just realized from the beginning that we are always right!

 

[JCJD]

I'm getting a feeling about this weekend, so I'm going to practice my photo attaching skills, if you don't mind!! This is me and the boy, from a camping trip this summer.

Yay it worked!! I'm JC, and he's JD from my username.

 

[psuheather]

JCJD--Aw...you guys are so cute. Do you watch America''s Next Top Model? (i''m hooked) I think that you look like one of the wannabe models...I think her name is Norelle

 

[jenwill]

Practice away! Always love to look at pics- and you guys look sweet together!

 

[MelissaSue]

Jenwill - What a GREAT story. You''re the smartest girl ever!!!

Ginger - Awesome! You''re gonna get that ring SOOOOOOONN.. I''m sure you''ll find someone to make your dream ring!

JCJD - Could you two be any CUTER? Oh my gosh! I hope your feelings are right about this weekend.



As for my dress shopping trip..I went back..My mom and best friend with me, and they both love the first dress too (the one from the window in the mall, if you were all following), its gorgeous and totally me. It is most likely the dress I''m going to get, but I''m going to go to some other shops still and try things on.. I just have too long til the wedding to make the committment just yet..
BUT I put a $5 deposit down on the dress, because this way, they can notify me if it is going to be discontinued, or anything else like that. And, if I pick something else, then I can use that $5 (big cash, you know) toward anything else in that store.

 

[goldengirl]

Hey, ladies--thanks so much for the well wishes. Cairo was doing much better this morning when I woke up...still had a little hitch in his gait, but otherwise fine. At least he''s using it to bear weight again.. he really had me worried for a while. Because of the improvement, I''ve decided to wait-and-see about the vet. If it goes away, we''ll write it off as a strain; if it continues or worsens again, I''ll take him in.

Yanekie, I''m glad to see the others here were able to offer some perspective. I wish I''d logged on earlier. It''s good you got the conversation ball rollin'' again... as long as you can talk about it, you can work anything out.

Melissa... the $5 deposit was a steal.

Check out a few more shops, but if you''re still thinking about that mall gown, BUY IT!! And then...stop shopping!

It''s brides that buy a dress and then keep shopping and find another dress they like better that get in trouble. I agree with the what-you-don''t-know-won''t-break-your-wallet theory.

And GINGER..................YAY!!! Girl you seriously have no idea how much I''m rootin for ya. If human will actually created cosmic changes, you''d already have your ring!

...because once you have YOUR ring, the bf''s said I''m allowed to be antsy about MINE.

Speaking of MINE... so we''re waiting at the car wash for the guy to finish detailing my car, and I notice on the advertisement wall a jeweler''s catalogue for Michael somebody Jewelers. So naturally I go pick it up and start thumbing through it. And bf says, oh-so-casually, "Hey, isn''t that guy you like named Michael? What was his name again?" ("that guy you like" being the award-winning custom jeweler in the area.)

And I''m not one to play games, right, so I smile at him and I say "No, it was Scott and I can give you his contact information, but I''m not dead-set on using him so if you find someone you like better feel free to talk to them instead." And he mumbles something about how it''s no big deal, he was just asking, jeez I mean just curious, but (and he starts talking faster and softer) it-would-probably-be-a-good-idea-to-get-him-that-info-sometime.

LOL... my man is so funny.

Oh, and I think I''m now in a better position because he just told his mother he moved in (he really did in September, but his family is VERY religious and he was afraid they''d disapprove, so he was going to wait to tell them until we were engaged) and she was totally OK with it. No freaking out at all. Which surprised him, a little, because he''s also expressed concern that his family would think we were moving too fast. So I think that her giving her approval of our situation made him more comfortable taking the next, bigger, step.

Ladies, this could turn out to be a very good year indeed!!

 

[JCJD]

Aww! I love PS!! Thanks guys!

psuheather - Nope! I don''t even own a TV! Not that I''d have time to use it if I did! (grad school...) But thanks!

Melissa - I hope I''m right too! I''m just getting the vibe.... you know how that goes. I think you''re pretty hooked on that lace dress still! But I can understand how you feel about buying a dress now for your 2006 wedding. And I bet dress shopping is fun!

I think I''ve perfected my picture posting skills for now. You''re all going to have to wait for my ering whenever it comes!!!

 

[soulsis]

YANEKIE!!!

I thought that I was the only one like this. I make my self SICK over things like this. I have had nightmares of freakish Ring Pop rings too! I had a dream once that it was this cutsie heart promise ring like you get out of a bubble gum machine. I was sweating when I woke up!

 

[soulsis]

Yanekie:

I think that what you are feeling is beyond normal. You want everything to be perfect. Afterall...you have the perfect man with the perfect future together and a perfect wedding to plan. What if you don''t like your ring, honestly? You''d probably feel let down...like there is a sourness about the whole damn thing all over! I would fee like that too. I am a pretty controlling person. I just like things the way i like them. I bought a new car 4 years ago. TWO DAYS after I got it I went to the dealer to pick up some forms I had left there. This was the first time I had driven it out of my garage. When i came out of the dealership I noticed a big flipping dent on the side. It happened in THAT parking lot in the 15 minutes I was inside. I F-L-I-P-P-E-D out. Lost it. I made them fix it. Actaully I bawled my eyes out for a day until my DH felt so awful HE went and made them fix it.

Needless to say, four years later I have bought another new car. My DF to be landed a lovely rock into the centre of my new windshield two weeks later. Then hit someone in a parking lot. In my new car. I lost it for a little bit. Then I figured "it''s just a car and I am completely irrational about everything in my life". He felt bad, but said "we will get it fixed". Now''s it''s fixed and I hardly think about it. Life goes on...right? No crummy ugly diamond ring is going to change how you feel about your sweetie. Everything else is small potatoes.

 

[psuheather]

Ok, also going to try my hand at posting pics (you never know when you''re going to need this skill to post...i don''t know...a ring, or something?) As I am technologically challeneged, I''m sure that I will mess this up. If not, it''s a pic of my bf and I at my sister''s wedding which was Oct. 2
Here goes...

 

[psuheather]

YAY!

 

[jenwill]

Man i wish I was photogenic......

Again, like JCJD, great looking couple.

 

[theinquisitor]

yanekie, I'm so glad things are better now! It sounds like you handled it perfectly. I can't wait to see pics of how it turns out, now!!

So many cute couples, you guys!!

 

[psuheather]

Thanks guys!

So, I just have to share a cute little anecdote that just happened...

My bf and I have a dog together that we''ve had for about a year. We don''t live together, so we say that we have "joint custody", but really he mostly stays with me. Since I''m in school, my schedule is more flexible and I''m able to be with Grover (that''s his name--our dog, not my bf) more often. But my bf came to pick him up today because I''m going to be away all weekend...so I am doing stuff around the house about 20 minutes ago, and I get a text message on my phone. It''s from my bf and it says that he loves having grover around because he is so cute. I put down my phone, smiling because I think that''s cute..and then I immediately have another text message. I pick it up and it says "He is the start of our family together" Just when your about ready to give up, they reel you right back in

 

[goldengirl]

heather--that's so cute! And you guys are a great-looking couple!!

Anybody excited for Thanksgiving weekend??

 

[blueroses]

So much happiness on PS!!!.....healing doggies, ring de-stressing talks with the boys, adorable couple pics, deposits on dresses, good vibes of the days to come! I needed this

So, the boy shopped yesterday--as much as I've tried to school him on PS and stuff, he's one of those who really likes the blue box. I hate for him to spend extra for no reason, but he might have just been using T&Co for a reference point too. Anyway, we'll just see. It's all feeling less important right now--and I'm consequently feeling silly for stressing--because I just found out tonight that my 55 year old aunt has small cell lung cancer. It just puts in perspective--life is so short. (On the other hand, it's all the more reason that family is important and not to waste time not being with the one you love) Anyway, for those of you that are so inclined, I could use all the positive vibes/prayers/energy and thoughts that you have to spare for my dear, superwoman aunt and the fight ahead of her. She's already started chemo and radiation immediately after the diagnosis.

After the emotional night on the phone, I have to say seeing the positivity and hope and camaraderie on this thread made me feel a lot better.
Thanks, girls.

 

[sciencegeek]

Date: 11/18/2004 11:16:33 PM
Author: goldengirl

Anybody excited for Thanksgiving weekend??

I bet JCJD is!!! Is it gonna be this weekend? I''m crossing all my fingers and toes for you