Upgrade thoughts?

[Laila619]

Your ring is beautiful! Like stunningly beautiful!

If I may, check out some of Ruth Soukup's books--they will help with the urge of always wanting more or new or better. But you do you. If an upgrade is in your future, so be it!

 

[nala]

After reading all the replies, I guess I’m in the minority. I’m curious as to what your reasons are for not upgrading, especially since it seems you have been thinking about it for a while. Not like you are diving in on a whim, as you spend a lot of time browsing the inventory. I think you said that you are afraid there will be no end in sight—but is that the only reason? What have you realized after starting this thread? Would love to hear your thoughts. The whole one ring to rule them all comes to mind....how do you feel about that?

 

[tkyasx78]

So, what are the upgrade options you are looking at?

Can we start posting options yet?

 

[MeowMeow]

I feel like if you want to upgrade you can. As long as your day to day and your retirement is getting funded still. Everyone has a different hobby. On PS ours tends to be jewellery. While after I get my future sapphire I will probably stop getting engagement style rings because my dream ring will be done. I still have plans for 2 different bands lmao and a carved pendant using my fantasy cut unmentionable.

What about other jewellery if you decide you want to stop the ring upgrades? I also love the idea of helping others upgrade their things too. I know I'm usually here just to tell people they have pretty things because we are too poor to do any jewellery. Probably until my husband leaves the military lol. So I get my fix looking at others stuff.

 

[Gussie]

Thank y'all so much for the thoughtful advice. I appreciate all the responses and I am trying to collect my thoughts on it all. Several of you have touched on points that have troubled my decision.

1. @Bonfire can vs. should
2. @mrs-b appreciate it as much as my husband has to work for it
3. @MeowMeow hobbies
4. @leukolenos is it ever enough

These 4 points kind of go together.

My husband has a fabulous job by American success values. However it comes hand and hand with an inordinate amount of stress. We are in our mid-40s, have no debt, college for 3 kids paid for, and well on our way to retirement. Money is not the issue. He is 45, in physical condition of a 25 year old, yet has already had a mini stroke. The stress is really bad. He also comes from a conservative, frugal midwestern family who prides themselves on savings and self denial of material things. So this is all probably TMI, but this is my dilemma. Even though the money isn't a big deal, I don't want to add any stress to his life. I love him with all my heart and want him to feel appreciated without thinking "can she be happy with what she has? What's next?" I have a gorgeous ring. I have everything I need (really even want). Do I need something else to do besides jewelry, art, and antiques? That's where the hobby part come in. I have collections of other things as well that I adore as much as jewelry! I may need to find something not material. Am I just a bored housewife, lol???

Just writing this out has relieved me some so I appreciate that. It is also hard to discuss some of this with non-jewelry folks so thanks so much for your kind ears.

 

[mrs-b]

@ceg - (imagine this from someone using the gentlest possible voice...)

Is it possible that your husband's mini stroke has got you a tad freaked out, and jewelry is a good way to look in, in, in - rather than out at larger issues? Jewelry is a great distraction, and it can shield us from having to look at other, more important issues. And something we can buy is perfect; if it breaks, we can always buy a bigger, better one. (Big hug to you at this point!)

But also - if we fill our eyes with anything, that's what becomes important to us. It's like kids obsessed with iphones; I see them and I just want to say - "Look up!" Jewelry and diamonds can be a little like this, too. Part of it can be interest and enjoyment, but part of it can be distraction / avoidance, and part of it can be addiction / obsession. I think it's possible to feel in our hearts when we cross the barrier of good sense, healthy choices and balance. Please understand, I say this with zero judgment as to what side of the fence you might be on; I think these are the things to avoid, not problems I think you have. I understand completely that I don't know you, and I'm making NO judgments about your life or your decisions. There's also no need to ask why I am so informed as to these issues; these are all things I've had to process and work through myself.

Did you ever see Silence of the Lambs? I remember Hannibal Lecter saying to Clarice "What do we covet?" And the answer was "We covet what we see every day." I've wondered the extent to which that has affected my own jewelry obsession.

In the meantime, here's a short video I saw a while back about the 'look up' phenomenon. For reasons I can't quite articulate, I think it may be relevant here.

And let me add - I wish your husband a long and healthy life, and the both of you a lifetime of happiness together. Hugs to you.

ETA ceg, I just wanted to come back to add - I really don't think there's any limit to what is ok for a person to buy. If you feel the above issues don't apply to you, and if your husband is on board and you can afford it - buy what your heart desires. I'd just make sure that niggling voice in the back of your head is put to rest first. And if you can't put it to rest, that's when you need to consider a different path. Our diamond purchases shouldn't challenge our conscience; if they do, then that's a voice worth listening to.

 

[Gussie]

@ceg - (imagine this from someone using the gentlest possible voice...)

Is it possible that your husband's mini stroke has got you a tad freaked out, and jewelry is a good way to look in, in, in - rather than out at larger issues? Jewelry is a great distraction, and it can shield us from having to look at other, more important issues. And something we can buy is perfect; if it breaks, we can always buy a bigger, better one. (Big hug to you at this point!)

But also - if we fill our eyes with anything, that's what becomes important to us. It's like kids obsessed with iphones; I see them and I just want to say - "Look up!" Jewelry and diamonds can be a little like this, too. Part of it can be interest and enjoyment, but part of it can be distraction / avoidance, and part of it can be addiction / obsession. I think it's possible to feel in our hearts when we cross the barrier of good sense, healthy choices and balance. Please understand, I say this with zero judgment as to what side of the fence you might be on; I think these are the things to avoid, not problems I think you have. I understand completely that I don't know you, and I'm making NO judgments about your life or your decisions. There's also no need to ask why I am so informed as to these issues; these are all things I've had to process and work through myself.

Did you ever see Silence of the Lambs? I remember Hannibal Lecter saying to Clarice "What do we covet?" And the answer was "We covet what we see every day." I've wondered the extent to which that has affected my own jewelry obsession.

In the meantime, here's a short video I saw a while back about the 'look up' phenomenon. For reasons I can't quite articulate, I think it may be relevant here.

And let me add - I wish your husband a long and healthy life, and the both of you a lifetime of happiness together. Hugs to you.

ETA ceg, I just wanted to come back to add - I really don't think there's any limit to what is ok for a person to buy. If you feel the above issues don't apply to you, and if your husband is on board and you can afford it - buy what your heart desires. I'd just make sure that niggling voice in the back of your head is put to rest first. And if you can't put it to rest, that's when you need to consider a different path. Our diamond purchases shouldn't challenge our conscience; if they do, then that's a voice worth listening to.

Thank you for the wise advice. I am glad I reached out. I have suspected for a while that my focus on material objects has been a bit of an avoidance mechanism. It's easy to listen to the voice that says "just get the shiny new ring", much harder to listen to the voice that asks why. Personal growth is mandatory. I don't want to be stagnant. You are right, I need to look up.

If and when an upgrade feels right, y'all will be the 2nd to know (after DH!)

Thank you @mrs-b. I came to ps for rocks and I found jewels!!!!

 

[mrs-b]

Thank you for the wise advice. I am glad I reached out. I have suspected for a while that my focus on material objects has been a bit of an avoidance mechanism. It's easy to listen to the voice that says "just get the shiny new ring", much harder to listen to the voice that asks why. Personal growth is mandatory. I don't want to be stagnant. You are right, I need to look up.

If and when an upgrade feels right, y'all will be the 2nd to know (after DH!)

Thank you @mrs-b. I came to ps for rocks and I found jewels!!!!

You're very welcome - your issues are my issues (literally - tho the health concerns in my scenario are my own, rather than my husband's).

And like the goose I am, I forgot the video link. I've now put it in the above post.

 

[MissGotRocks]

The only thing I could add here is just to have a plan. If you can figure out exactly what you want in terms of size and setting, then your husband can feel like there is a goal in sight to strive for. I think men like concrete ideas and thoughts rather than feeling like she wants this today, that tomorrow type of thing. You are certainly considering all things that go into big decisions and have a good head on your shoulders. I am sure you will eventually figure out which way you want to go and we will certainly be here to cheer you on if need be!

 

[Bonfire]

Thanks for sharing @mrs-b! I’ve seen that video before and it’s so poignant and spot on

 

[msop04]

@ceg, I may be waaay off, but could it be that you want the Margot setting so much that it feels like you have to upgrade to get it?? Like, is that just the “next step” that we, as PS members, do? Have you thought about just resetting?

Re the DSS issue... when I look at my ring on my finger, it looks small. Then I look in a mirror and it magically gets bigger! I’ve grown to love the mirror viewing... just a thought.

 

[Gussie]

@ceg, I may be waaay off, but could it be that you want the Margot setting so much that it feels like you have to upgrade to get it?? Like, is that just the “next step” that we, as PS members, do? Have you thought about just resetting?

Re the DSS issue... when I look at my ring on my finger, it looks small. Then I look in a mirror and it magically gets bigger! I’ve grown to love the mirror viewing... just a thought.

Nope, not off base, right on target! I want a Margot soooo bad but it is over $5k for it. If I were to reset without upgrading then I would probably want the full 10mm shortly after. I cannot/will not pay for that setting twice!!

 

[msop04]

Nope, not off base, right on target! I want a Margot soooo bad but it is over $5k for it. If I were to reset without upgrading then I would probably want the full 10mm shortly after. I cannot/will not pay for that setting twice!!

Have you compared a 10 mm with your current stone? Would it be a big enough difference for you? Asking because I know that for me to see a “worth it” size increase, I’d have to go 10.4-10.5... and I’ll NEVER be able to swing that financially, so I’m content (or as much as I’m gonna be).

Also, I have a 10 mm CZ and I honestly can’t tell the difference in it and my 9.8 mm. So maybe you could “save” by hitting 9.8-9.9 mm? Idk... whatever you decide, I will live vicariously through you.

 

[MeowMeow]

Thank y'all so much for the thoughtful advice. I appreciate all the responses and I am trying to collect my thoughts on it all. Several of you have touched on points that have troubled my decision.

1. @Bonfire can vs. should
2. @mrs-b appreciate it as much as my husband has to work for it
3. @MeowMeow hobbies
4. @leukolenos is it ever enough

These 4 points kind of go together.

My husband has a fabulous job by American success values. However it comes hand and hand with an inordinate amount of stress. We are in our mid-40s, have no debt, college for 3 kids paid for, and well on our way to retirement. Money is not the issue. He is 45, in physical condition of a 25 year old, yet has already had a mini stroke. The stress is really bad. He also comes from a conservative, frugal midwestern family who prides themselves on savings and self denial of material things. So this is all probably TMI, but this is my dilemma. Even though the money isn't a big deal, I don't want to add any stress to his life. I love him with all my heart and want him to feel appreciated without thinking "can she be happy with what she has? What's next?" I have a gorgeous ring. I have everything I need (really even want). Do I need something else to do besides jewelry, art, and antiques? That's where the hobby part come in. I have collections of other things as well that I adore as much as jewelry! I may need to find something not material. Am I just a bored housewife, lol???

Just writing this out has relieved me some so I appreciate that. It is also hard to discuss some of this with non-jewelry folks so thanks so much for your kind ears.

Alright this makes your question make more sense. If you are worried that you are just bored. What about volunteer work? I used to go 2x weekly and do volunteer work at different places and I really enjoyed it. Just make sure if you are doing this to be doing it with something you enjoy. If you love pets, what about an animal shelter? Local schools and libraries sometimes use volunteers to help them in their classrooms and take care of their libraries. I know there are plenty of other opportunities. These are just all things I have personally done and enjoyed

 

[bludiva]

Nope, not off base, right on target! I want a Margot soooo bad but it is over $5k for it. If I were to reset without upgrading then I would probably want the full 10mm shortly after. I cannot/will not pay for that setting twice!!

You know, if you squint a little, the Margot is a more refined version of the setting you currently have (imho)....if it were me, I'd enjoy the heck out of that Dahlia for the time being, knowing that Margot is coming in the future and when she does, I wouldn't want to be nostalgic for the last ring that I gave up. If that makes any sense.

Also ceg ignore me if this is too personal but you mentioned hobbies, the soul, fulfillment....I've met you and you are lovely. I am sure you give a lot of yourself to your family. So many women do and then hesitate to have something that is just for their personal fulfillment. Not saying that has to be a 10mm ring...maybe it's a cause, or bringing a childhood dream to fruition, or learning a new skill...it's ok to feed your heart with something that's just for you.

 

[Gussie]

Have you compared a 10 mm with your current stone? Would it be a big enough difference for you? Asking because I know that for me to see a “worth it” size increase, I’d have to go 10.4-10.5... and I’ll NEVER be able to swing that financially, so I’m content (or as much as I’m gonna be).

Also, I have a 10 mm CZ and I honestly can’t tell the difference in it and my 9.8 mm. So maybe you could “save” by hitting 9.8-9.9 mm? Idk... whatever you decide, I will live vicariously through you.

I get it. That's a big problem when stones get large (1st world problem). Right now, I am at 9.38mm, 3.122 ct. To get to 10mm, ideal cut will have to be 3.7 ct, I am guessing about $15K. The logical side of me knows that is too much money for 0.6mm, lol!!! And then will it be enough?

As I type this I realize how ridiculous this is!

 

[Gussie]

@bludiva you are so sweet! I enjoyed meeting you at the gtg. No worries about being too personal. I kind of opened this can of worms!

I think you are somewhat right about moms and fulfillment. I can readily say that no amount of jewelry will make me happy. Yes I like it but it won't fulfill me. At least I don't kid myself there. In some ways being a SAHM is hard because of the isolation which is what @mrs-b pointed out. I am by nature a bit introverted. I love people but it is easier to just stay home. I do volunteer some at my daughter's school and I used to volunteer at my church some @MeowMeow . TBH, I don't enjoy it. I have thought about teaching a class at a community college but it takes more time than I think I can give. I was a lecturer for undergrad classes while I was in grad school and I really enjoyed that. Y'all are right. I need to get off my bottom and do something, lol.

 

[Bonfire]

I get it. That's a big problem when stones get large (1st world problem). Right now, I am at 9.38mm, 3.122 ct. To get to 10mm, ideal cut will have to be 3.7 ct, I am guessing about $15K. The logical side of me knows that is too much money for 0.6mm, lol!!! And then will it be enough?

As I type this I realize how ridiculous this is!

The Dahlia setting with it’s *bowl* type head and prong style adds overall dimension. If you upgrade to 10mm and set in Margot (which has a much more tapered head and teensy prongs) will you visually see that much difference? You may need to go bigger to get the look you envision. Just food for thought.

 

[msop04]

I get it. That's a big problem when stones get large (1st world problem). Right now, I am at 9.38mm, 3.122 ct. To get to 10mm, ideal cut will have to be 3.7 ct, I am guessing about $15K. The logical side of me knows that is too much money for 0.6mm, lol!!! And then will it be enough?

As I type this I realize how ridiculous this is!

Oh wow! I was thinking your stone was 9.6-9.7 mm!! Isn’t it amazing how much larger diamonds are on other people?? LOL Why don’t you order a 10 mm sim and wear it for a while to see if you will be cool with that size??

...and I didn’t realize how $$$$ EW Margot setting was. #stickershock

 

[MeowMeow]

@bludiva you are so sweet! I enjoyed meeting you at the gtg. No worries about being too personal. I kind of opened this can of worms!

I think you are somewhat right about moms and fulfillment. I can readily say that no amount of jewelry will make me happy. Yes I like it but it won't fulfill me. At least I don't kid myself there. In some ways being a SAHM is hard because of the isolation which is what @mrs-b pointed out. I am by nature a bit introverted. I love people but it is easier to just stay home. I do volunteer some at my daughter's school and I used to volunteer at my church some @MeowMeow . TBH, I don't enjoy it. I have thought about teaching a class at a community college but it takes more time than I think I can give. I was a lecturer for undergrad classes while I was in grad school and I really enjoyed that. Y'all are right. I need to get off my bottom and do something, lol.

I know what you mean. (Poking my nose in for a second to what you said to someone else) I am also very introverted. People exhaust me and I have anxiety out the wazoo. I am honestly happiest here on PS looking at pretties, holding my baby, or sitting next to my husband playing a game with him. But at the same time I actually really like going and doing errands every day. I find I obsess over things more if I don't get to leave the house. Which is waaayyy too easy for me since I don't drive except to the grocery store on saturdays (we have one car and my husband works so he gets priority unless I have a dr appointment I need to do and then I drive him to work and take the car)

Which is why I like volunteer work so much. It's less stressful than working but I still get to get out and do something I like to do and make a difference helping an organisation that needs it.

I think the animal shelter and the library were my favorites because they were much more solitary work. Even volunteering in the classroom and with the school nurse wasn't too bad because the teacher I worked with usually stuck me in the room to do an art project or help her grade or whatever on her planning hour so I could just work by myself. But at the same time I wasn't home doing nothing every single day of the week.

So I guess if the volunteer work you are doing now isn't to your taste, try something else! If you liked lecturing before maybe you would be happier doing something like that again! Even if just part time.

 

[Gussie]

The Dahlia setting with it’s *bowl* type head and prong style adds overall dimension. If you upgrade to 10mm and set in Margot (which has a much more tapered head and teensy prongs) will you visually see that much difference? You may need to go bigger to get the look you envision. Just food for thought.

Thanks @Bonfire! I thought this might be the case. This food doesn't taste too good!

 

[Weeivy73]

I know what you mean. (Poking my nose in for a second to what you said to someone else) I am also very introverted. People exhaust me and I have anxiety out the wazoo. I am honestly happiest here on PS looking at pretties, holding my baby, or sitting next to my husband playing a game with him. But at the same time I actually really like going and doing errands every day. I find I obsess over things more if I don't get to leave the house. Which is waaayyy too easy for me since I don't drive except to the grocery store on saturdays (we have one car and my husband works so he gets priority unless I have a dr appointment I need to do and then I drive him to work and take the car)

Which is why I like volunteer work so much. It's less stressful than working but I still get to get out and do something I like to do and make a difference helping an organisation that needs it.

I think the animal shelter and the library were my favorites because they were much more solitary work. Even volunteering in the classroom and with the school nurse wasn't too bad because the teacher I worked with usually stuck me in the room to do an art project or help her grade or whatever on her planning hour so I could just work by myself. But at the same time I wasn't home doing nothing every single day of the week.

So I guess if the volunteer work you are doing now isn't to your taste, try something else! If you liked lecturing before maybe you would be happier doing something like that again! Even if just part time.

I also relate to this too, although I work with jewellery all day (in an estate store in New Zealand) I pretty much am obsessed with looking at it, owning some of it, telling my DH about it (he nods politely lol). I am also quite introverted and it is something I use to calm myself and decompress. I don't have oodles of disposable income but I save and look forward to looking at loads of different things and then when my hubby is ready he (usually) does exceptionally well.
I was in a very abusive marriage for 16 years before I met my now hubby and I used to use it to mask my deep down hurt and distress. I'm so relieved that jewellery for me now represents love and care rather than pain. The fabulous thing I am absolutely loving being on PS is we all have such different backgrounds and yet so much is the same. Xx

 

[MeowMeow]

I also relate to this too, although I work with jewellery all day (in an estate store in New Zealand) I pretty much am obsessed with looking at it, owning some of it, telling my DH about it (he nods politely lol). I am also quite introverted and it is something I use to calm myself and decompress. I don't have oodles of disposable income but I save and look forward to looking at loads of different things and then when my hubby is ready he (usually) does exceptionally well.
I was in a very abusive marriage for 16 years before I met my now hubby and I used to use it to mask my deep down hurt and distress. I'm so relieved that jewellery for me now represents love and care rather than pain. The fabulous thing I am absolutely loving being on PS is we all have such different backgrounds and yet so much is the same. Xx

Ooh super jealous of your job!! I worked very briefly when I was 16. It was my favourite ever.
I'm glad you found your hubby though. I like stories with happy *endings* Although it's not really an end. More of an ongoing story

 

[ringbling17]

Nope, not off base, right on target! I want a Margot soooo bad but it is over $5k for it. If I were to reset without upgrading then I would probably want the full 10mm shortly after. I cannot/will not pay for that setting twice!!

I love the Margot setting! It’s my all time fav setting but like you I am hesitant to buy it unless I know I won’t be upgrading my diamond. I just wouldn’t want to spend that much money and then later not be able to use it again.
For what it’s worth I had a 9.8mm ACA and then traded it down for a 9.5mm and now currently own a 9.35mm. I didn’t notice that much size difference between them but I also have a setting that makes my diamond seem bigger bc of the metal halo.
I think the metal halo is at least 11-11.5 mm so maybe that’s why my diamond seems so big to me.

 

[Jazzybling]

I just got engaged last year in May. I’ve been wanting an upgrade since before the engagement but we agreed on it when looking for the engagement ring. Both my fiancé and I decided to pour the entire budget into the diamond (got a classic half round setting) and later on upgrading the setting. I think I have DSS, my 1.3 carat looks smaller all the time. You’re not alone by any means.

 

[Jazzybling]

I saw you got yours from WhiteFlash! Mine is a Brian Gavin, he helped to found WF.
Your ring is gorgeous btw.

 

[Dee*Jay]

ceg, when I did the last upgrade to my round it was 3.37 cts (9.65 X 9.70). I had the magic 10 mm mark in my head and reached out to some PS vendors about a trade. The lovely Jim Shultz said to me, "Sure, I can get you to 10 mm, but it won't matter. You will never walk past another person who even realizes that the giant (10 mm) rock you have on your had today isn't the same giant (9.70 mm) rock you had on your hand yesterday." That stopped me in my tracks! He was right. (And he had no reason to say this to me BTW, as it was in his best interest to sell me a bigger diamond.) Of course then I went down the setting path and ended up with The Brick... but that's a whole 'nother topic.

What about get a 10 mm sim and sport it for a while. See if the difference even matters to you.

 

[msop04]

ceg, when I did the last upgrade to my round it was 3.37 cts (9.65 X 9.70). I had the magic 10 mm mark in my head and reached out to some PS vendors about a trade. The lovely Jim Shultz said to me, "Sure, I can get you to 10 mm, but it won't matter. You will never walk past another person who even realizes that the giant (10 mm) rock you have on your had today isn't the same giant (9.70 mm) rock you had on your hand yesterday." That stopped me in my tracks! He was right. (And he had no reason to say this to me BTW, as it was in his best interest to sell me a bigger diamond.) Of course then I went down the setting path and ended up with The Brick... but that's a whole 'nother topic.

What about get a 10 mm sim and sport it for a while. See if the difference even matters to you.

This is a really good point to make... the only thing with this mind set that would present a problem for me is that I would know it was smaller, i.e. it wasn't a 10 mm (if that's what I had my heart set on AND if I knew that was my sweet spot after trying on both sizes). After all, most ppl just see our rocks and think, "wow, that's big and sparkly," or whatever... we (as PS members) look at our hands all day and know the difference. So, that said, it wouldn't be me trying to convince others it was larger... only myself, which is what matters to me.

ETA: However, 9.7 and 10 mm are going to look pretty similar... as we get into larger stones, it takes more than the traditional "0.2-0.3 mm" to make a visual difference.

 

[msop04]

@ceg, order a 10 mm sim from Amazon "just to see"... I will say that the style of setting and number of prongs make a difference too. I'd find a cheap-y ring that is as similar as possible to the setting you desire. Here are two I found quickly...

https://www.amazon.com/Erllo-Solita...&qid=1550504088&sr=8-45&keywords=10mm+cz+ring

https://www.amazon.com/Erllo-Brilli...77QJCCY3N3Y36P3SA&refRID=K2A77QJCCY3N3Y36P3SA

 

[Gussie]

@ceg, order a 10 mm sim from Amazon "just to see"... I will say that the style of setting and number of prongs make a difference too. I'd find a cheap-y ring that is as similar as possible to the setting you desire. Here are two I found quickly...

https://www.amazon.com/Erllo-Solita...&qid=1550504088&sr=8-45&keywords=10mm+cz+ring

https://www.amazon.com/Erllo-Brilli...77QJCCY3N3Y36P3SA&refRID=K2A77QJCCY3N3Y36P3SA

I did! Should be here tomorrow!