~*Alexis*~
Brilliant_Rock
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Ok so this doesnt help me when I am looking at ultrasound pictures of a 6 week old baby....ugh! the things I do to myself!
Trouble........
- Thread starter ~*Alexis*~
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robbie3982
Ideal_Rock
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Awe. I would tell you to put the pictures away and just think about things logically, but in reality this isn''t a decision that should be based just on logic. Emotions are going to be involved. You might want to put them away while you''re at work, though. I can feel myself starting to tear up thinking about everything, so I can''t even imagine how emotional you must be right now.
asscherisme
Ideal_Rock
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I am SO sorry you are going through this now. Your ex sounds like an immature brat and its good you found out now than after you were married. And your "friend" is no friend at all.
Do NOT let him pressure you into this. If you do, gauranteed you will regret it.
Like I said before, I am totally prochoice.
You are the one that will live with this. He wants this to go away because he does not want to deal with it.
How will you feel in 5 years if you abort? How will you feel in 5 years with a 4 1/2 year old child? Which decision will be better for you to live with.
Great that your friends support you. It sounds like if you go ahead and have the baby your parents would be on your side right? So you would have support.
Please keep us updated.
Do NOT let him pressure you into this. If you do, gauranteed you will regret it.
Like I said before, I am totally prochoice.
You are the one that will live with this. He wants this to go away because he does not want to deal with it.
How will you feel in 5 years if you abort? How will you feel in 5 years with a 4 1/2 year old child? Which decision will be better for you to live with.
Great that your friends support you. It sounds like if you go ahead and have the baby your parents would be on your side right? So you would have support.
Please keep us updated.
diamondfan
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think none of her deicisions are going to be easy. Any path chosen can lead to a What if? and one cannot know what is the best choice.
I am also sorry that your guy, Alexis, is cleary not rising to the occasion. I am thinking of you. I had an abortion in my first year of college. It was not great and yet I knew I could go through with the pregnancy. I am now a mom of three and while I see things from a bit of different angle I am still pro choice. Any choice you make is going to be tough. If you had his support it would be better but if you are breaking up with him, ulitmately this is your choice, even if some of the options affect him, it is your body and you will have the utmost say in things. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I am also sorry that your guy, Alexis, is cleary not rising to the occasion. I am thinking of you. I had an abortion in my first year of college. It was not great and yet I knew I could go through with the pregnancy. I am now a mom of three and while I see things from a bit of different angle I am still pro choice. Any choice you make is going to be tough. If you had his support it would be better but if you are breaking up with him, ulitmately this is your choice, even if some of the options affect him, it is your body and you will have the utmost say in things. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
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alexis stop looking at the pictures...you are just going to do more harm than good mentally...that is definitely not helping the situation.
it is tough, but you should think about this rationally AND emotionally. it's a big decision. one that you should be at complete ease with before you move fwd with anything. put the guy aside for 5 minutes and think about you and your life...and how your life would change if you kept this child. it's important to be mentally honest with yourself in this situation. consider all the scenarios.
i have known people who had children very young and did not stay with the guy and they made it work, sure their life was different from the instant they made the decision to keep their child...but they made it work, and yes it may have been hard but they did it. and i'm sure they never regretted it...they are totally different people now with a child. and i know people who have also on the flip side decided that this was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong person and they were not ready...emotionally or financially or whatever. most everyone i have known has been fine with their decision one way or the other in their long-term lives, but it is not something to be taken lightly. can you give this child the kind of life you would want to? are you willing to make the sacrifice of your life as it stands now? think about everything very 'frankly' and be honest with yourself. there's no shame in either answer in my opinion. i believe in a woman's right to choose.
you may want to confide in your mother at least because you really need some emotional support right now. he is not there for you (frankly he sounds like a total immature a$$hole, why did you want to marry him??) and your friends sound like they support you but there is nothing like a parent's love during a tough time, and someone who is wise and may have been in a similar situation previously. i would tell your mother and tell her not to judge you but that you need some help figuring things out. and really i would not even factor him in right now! it's quite obvious what he wants, but you need to figure out what YOU want, you will be raising the child if you keep it and your life will be changing on a daily basis. he will most likely just offer child support and monthly visits, if even that from what he is displaying. consider the 'worst case scenario' and determine if you think you can do it. take the time and figure things out and do what is best for you and this potential child.
good luck and hang in there. you are not the only woman to have had this happen to her...maybe remembering that will help you during the panicky moments. it will all work out in the end.
it is tough, but you should think about this rationally AND emotionally. it's a big decision. one that you should be at complete ease with before you move fwd with anything. put the guy aside for 5 minutes and think about you and your life...and how your life would change if you kept this child. it's important to be mentally honest with yourself in this situation. consider all the scenarios.
i have known people who had children very young and did not stay with the guy and they made it work, sure their life was different from the instant they made the decision to keep their child...but they made it work, and yes it may have been hard but they did it. and i'm sure they never regretted it...they are totally different people now with a child. and i know people who have also on the flip side decided that this was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong person and they were not ready...emotionally or financially or whatever. most everyone i have known has been fine with their decision one way or the other in their long-term lives, but it is not something to be taken lightly. can you give this child the kind of life you would want to? are you willing to make the sacrifice of your life as it stands now? think about everything very 'frankly' and be honest with yourself. there's no shame in either answer in my opinion. i believe in a woman's right to choose.
you may want to confide in your mother at least because you really need some emotional support right now. he is not there for you (frankly he sounds like a total immature a$$hole, why did you want to marry him??) and your friends sound like they support you but there is nothing like a parent's love during a tough time, and someone who is wise and may have been in a similar situation previously. i would tell your mother and tell her not to judge you but that you need some help figuring things out. and really i would not even factor him in right now! it's quite obvious what he wants, but you need to figure out what YOU want, you will be raising the child if you keep it and your life will be changing on a daily basis. he will most likely just offer child support and monthly visits, if even that from what he is displaying. consider the 'worst case scenario' and determine if you think you can do it. take the time and figure things out and do what is best for you and this potential child.
good luck and hang in there. you are not the only woman to have had this happen to her...maybe remembering that will help you during the panicky moments. it will all work out in the end.
Becky P
Shiny_Rock
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Alexis-
Wow. I had no idea this was going on. I usually only read the LIW board, so I''m so sorry for jumping to conclusions over there. I can only imagine what all must be running through your head right now - both with the boy and the baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you the calmness and clarity to think through what you want and need. Don''t allow your ex to force you into a decision that you don''t want to make. Ultimately, things now are about you and your potential, future child. The decisions you''re having to make right now will affect the rest of your life, but I know that you are a strong, amazing woman! Follow your heart, and you can never go wrong. Please let us know what we can do for you! We are here to support you!!
Wow. I had no idea this was going on. I usually only read the LIW board, so I''m so sorry for jumping to conclusions over there. I can only imagine what all must be running through your head right now - both with the boy and the baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you the calmness and clarity to think through what you want and need. Don''t allow your ex to force you into a decision that you don''t want to make. Ultimately, things now are about you and your potential, future child. The decisions you''re having to make right now will affect the rest of your life, but I know that you are a strong, amazing woman! Follow your heart, and you can never go wrong. Please let us know what we can do for you! We are here to support you!!
sumbride
Ideal_Rock
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I too vote for talking to your parents. I''m so sorry you''re going through this situation, Alexis, but you need all the support you can get right now, and if you are close to your parents, they would hopefully be a source of strength for you. Parents have more life experience and perspective and can handle more than you''d think. Hopefully they will support you in whatever decision you make, and if you do decide to have the baby, you''ll need them more than ever.
If you decide on abortion, please take the time to grieve. It is an honorable decision, but it is a hard decision and you need to respect the power of it. A friend of mine had one in college and she and her bf had an impromptu and private "memorial service" to help them handle their feelings and grief. In the end, it was the right decision, but that didn''t make it easy. Take the time you need to evaluate your options and decide what you really want. Everyone here has given such great advice. I hope you can feel the love and support you have here.
If you decide on abortion, please take the time to grieve. It is an honorable decision, but it is a hard decision and you need to respect the power of it. A friend of mine had one in college and she and her bf had an impromptu and private "memorial service" to help them handle their feelings and grief. In the end, it was the right decision, but that didn''t make it easy. Take the time you need to evaluate your options and decide what you really want. Everyone here has given such great advice. I hope you can feel the love and support you have here.
KimberlyH
Ideal_Rock
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Alexis,
I think talking to your mother is a great idea, if she is open minded and will respect your choice no matter what it is. If she is anti-abortion and that is an option you are considering, she may not be the best resource.
Do you have a counseling program available to you at school or work such as an employee assistance program? They can be a great resources. If not, do a search on the internet for "free + pregnancy + counseling + [your city]" and see if there is someone locally that you can speak with. I found the following service, http://www.yourbackline.org/ that you may find useful. I don''t know anything about them but perhaps it might help you to call and talk to someone uninvolved and unbiased.
I have read many of your past posts, and that pared with the information you''ve shared regarding your ex-boyfriends'' behavior over the past week indicates that there is a lot of turmoil, frustation and chaos in your relationship. It does not seem to be a healthy environment for you but it is your right to live that way if you so choose; a child does not deserve to endure such chaos and confusion though, so if you do choose to keep this baby please keep that in mind.
I think talking to your mother is a great idea, if she is open minded and will respect your choice no matter what it is. If she is anti-abortion and that is an option you are considering, she may not be the best resource.
Do you have a counseling program available to you at school or work such as an employee assistance program? They can be a great resources. If not, do a search on the internet for "free + pregnancy + counseling + [your city]" and see if there is someone locally that you can speak with. I found the following service, http://www.yourbackline.org/ that you may find useful. I don''t know anything about them but perhaps it might help you to call and talk to someone uninvolved and unbiased.
I have read many of your past posts, and that pared with the information you''ve shared regarding your ex-boyfriends'' behavior over the past week indicates that there is a lot of turmoil, frustation and chaos in your relationship. It does not seem to be a healthy environment for you but it is your right to live that way if you so choose; a child does not deserve to endure such chaos and confusion though, so if you do choose to keep this baby please keep that in mind.
galeteia
Brilliant_Rock
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Oh my god. Alexis, I am so sorry this situation has played out this way. Your boyfriend and your ''friend'' are behaving appallingly, and I''m almost too upset to type. Any woman who preys on the maybe-husband of another woman, let alone a friend is a disgraceful excuse for a human being, IMO.
This is NOT how you treat your unexpectedly pregnant girlfriend, temporary ''break'' or no.
I don''t know what to say that could be comforting, aside from my heart just bleeds for you, Alexis. My ear and shoulder are here at your service. I agree that you shouldn''t make a decision based on HIS wants, but please do consider what kind of father this man will make, and whether you want him to be a part of your life through your child for the rest of your life. A good friend of mine has been put through hell by the donkey-behind of a man who fathered her daughter, and that struggle is ongoing even now that she''s married to a wonderful man and has more children. The father''s rights can bar the mother from moving to another city/area, decide what religion the child may have and what school it goes to.
I also agree with the time to grieve if you do make that choice. Please take care of yourself.
One thing to consider, from all actions your ex does not want this child and probably never will. Doubt any support will come from him emotionally, financially or helping to raise a child. If you seek financial support, you will probably have to go through the court system.
I''m sorry you are faced with such a serious & complex decision. Seeking out your parents at a time like this could help. But, if they are anti pro choice, you may receive some pressure there.
I wonder if a counselor that could remain neutral help you work through this.
Best to you.
I''m sorry you are faced with such a serious & complex decision. Seeking out your parents at a time like this could help. But, if they are anti pro choice, you may receive some pressure there.
I wonder if a counselor that could remain neutral help you work through this.
Best to you.
ladykemma
Ideal_Rock
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alexis - i went back and re-read your posts about this schmuck. (i got your posts mixed up with becky p.)
Your posts are about alcoholic boyfriend, who is really ill with alcoholism, who tells you to &*ck off and butt out.
whew, god gave you a quick answer as far as seeing him the store with the other woman. you now know all you need to know about him and your future with him. he will never change, nor will he improve or get better (at least until he hits bottom).
Now, the question becomes, do you want to be a single mother? adoption? abortion? which way is your heart led? (don''t answer - not to me anyway
) do you want to deal with this guy as bio-dad?
i feel really sad about the promise ring.
Your posts are about alcoholic boyfriend, who is really ill with alcoholism, who tells you to &*ck off and butt out.
whew, god gave you a quick answer as far as seeing him the store with the other woman. you now know all you need to know about him and your future with him. he will never change, nor will he improve or get better (at least until he hits bottom).
Now, the question becomes, do you want to be a single mother? adoption? abortion? which way is your heart led? (don''t answer - not to me anyway
i feel really sad about the promise ring.
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Alexis,
My heart goes out to you. I am 100% pro-choice too. Don''t let your a$$hole ex-boyfriend influence your decision. Since he wants nothing to do with you by his actions, of course getting an abortion is the best way out for him. He isn''t thinking about you and in your best interest. I agree with the other posters'' suggestions of taking some time off alone to think things over, get true support from family members (if they are also pro-choice), and even counseling if needed. With either choice, there will be a lot of fear and grieving.
If you are keeping this child, you''ll probably have to go through the court system to get child support. Take note of his negative comments, behaviour and etc. so that you can claim sole custody.
If you choose the abortion route, take the time to grieve and do seek support of close family members and friends. This is not an easy decision either.
I''ll be here to support whatever decision you chose (if you do choose to share it with us), be a sounding board, etc whatever you might need. Lots of hugs and wishing you strength and calmness in such a difficult time of your life.
My heart goes out to you. I am 100% pro-choice too. Don''t let your a$$hole ex-boyfriend influence your decision. Since he wants nothing to do with you by his actions, of course getting an abortion is the best way out for him. He isn''t thinking about you and in your best interest. I agree with the other posters'' suggestions of taking some time off alone to think things over, get true support from family members (if they are also pro-choice), and even counseling if needed. With either choice, there will be a lot of fear and grieving.
If you are keeping this child, you''ll probably have to go through the court system to get child support. Take note of his negative comments, behaviour and etc. so that you can claim sole custody.
If you choose the abortion route, take the time to grieve and do seek support of close family members and friends. This is not an easy decision either.
I''ll be here to support whatever decision you chose (if you do choose to share it with us), be a sounding board, etc whatever you might need. Lots of hugs and wishing you strength and calmness in such a difficult time of your life.
FireGoddess
Super_Ideal_Rock
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I agree with Deco that he is a ROYAL jerk (there are stronger words that come to mind but I don''t want to offend on a public forum
). Suffice it to say, he is acting like scum. I can''t BELIEVE the things he is saying to you, particularly at a time with such profound consequences of potential actions. Whether he wants this child or not, or wants the relationship anymore or not, common decency suggests he needs to grow a pair and act like an adult. Sounds like you''re already dealing with a child, actually.
I agree with LadyKemma that it is fortuitous you caught him at Target with this girl. Better to have no illusions about the kind of person he is. You definitely need to talk this through and think this through without him...he clearly wants a no muss, no fuss way out of this. You have more things to think about than that. *hugs*
I agree with LadyKemma that it is fortuitous you caught him at Target with this girl. Better to have no illusions about the kind of person he is. You definitely need to talk this through and think this through without him...he clearly wants a no muss, no fuss way out of this. You have more things to think about than that. *hugs*
~*Alexis*~
Brilliant_Rock
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yeah I totally understand where you all are coming from. Thanks for all of the support. I will keep you posted.
Christa
Brilliant_Rock
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I agree completely, and I also recommend letting your mom in on this, assuming she is a reasonable person. Even if you know she''ll be totally against abortion, as a mom I''m sure she has your best interests at heart, and you could use a balance to the "pro-abortion" ex-boyfriend, anyway. You''re in my thoughts and prayers.
onedrop
Ideal_Rock
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I was really hoping for a false positive pregnancy test Alexis...unfortunately that was not the case. I keep typing...and then deleting...
Just know that you are in my thoughts that you make the decision best for you, and that you will be at peace with it no matter which path you decide to take.
Just know that you are in my thoughts that you make the decision best for you, and that you will be at peace with it no matter which path you decide to take.
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
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With what you wrote about your ex before and now this... He''s one heck of a jerk, and please, don''t let him make the decision for you again. He wants you to have an abortion because it''s better for him, just like all the crap he''s been putting you through before.
I''m pro-choice, but I really encourage you to consider your option carefully and take a little more time. I agree that you should put back the appointment... He made the appointment, not you, and you should be the one making this decision.
You''re in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you can find someone to confide in.
I''m pro-choice, but I really encourage you to consider your option carefully and take a little more time. I agree that you should put back the appointment... He made the appointment, not you, and you should be the one making this decision.
You''re in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you can find someone to confide in.
poptart
Brilliant_Rock
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Alexis,
I am so sorry that it turned out this way and your boyfriend is acting like an immature jerk! I completely agree with everyone that said you should at least talk to your mom. I think it will help to have her opinion because she has lived longer (obviously), and also lived through being a mother. It''s a big decision.
I don''t know if anyone else mentioned this, so if I am repeating then just ignore this. But you also have to consider the emotional affects AFTER the abortion. I know it varies from person to person, but many women can go through depression and regret over what they''ve done. So just know that all this overflow of emotion won''t immediately stop if you decide to get rid of the baby. I knew a lady that decided to abort her child when she was younger and it had a very strong affect on her in later years. She went through a deep depression and felt very guilty over what she had done for many years. Thirty years later she still regrets it.
I know you said that you couldn''t handle adoption, but if you are willing to look into abortion do you think you could at least contact an adoption agency and see what is involved? At least give every option a fair chance, you know? I understand you are in a difficult position right now, it''s just that being adopted myself makes me very wary of abortion... as I could have been that aborted child. So please realize there are more than two options in front of you. And just because you give the child up for adoption does not mean you never see them again. Open adoptions allow contact and visitation with your child, so you would still be able to see them grow up.
But whatever you decide, I hope in the end you feel it was the best option, and that you can get past this hard time in your life.
Best wishes!
Marisa
I am so sorry that it turned out this way and your boyfriend is acting like an immature jerk! I completely agree with everyone that said you should at least talk to your mom. I think it will help to have her opinion because she has lived longer (obviously), and also lived through being a mother. It''s a big decision.
I don''t know if anyone else mentioned this, so if I am repeating then just ignore this. But you also have to consider the emotional affects AFTER the abortion. I know it varies from person to person, but many women can go through depression and regret over what they''ve done. So just know that all this overflow of emotion won''t immediately stop if you decide to get rid of the baby. I knew a lady that decided to abort her child when she was younger and it had a very strong affect on her in later years. She went through a deep depression and felt very guilty over what she had done for many years. Thirty years later she still regrets it.
I know you said that you couldn''t handle adoption, but if you are willing to look into abortion do you think you could at least contact an adoption agency and see what is involved? At least give every option a fair chance, you know? I understand you are in a difficult position right now, it''s just that being adopted myself makes me very wary of abortion... as I could have been that aborted child. So please realize there are more than two options in front of you. And just because you give the child up for adoption does not mean you never see them again. Open adoptions allow contact and visitation with your child, so you would still be able to see them grow up.
But whatever you decide, I hope in the end you feel it was the best option, and that you can get past this hard time in your life.
Best wishes!
Marisa
movie zombie
Super_Ideal_Rock
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alexis, i''m so very very sorry you are going through this.
what are you supposed to do now? take a deep breath and back off it for a few hours or a day or so if you can. think about your life now and if you are prepared to go through a pregnancy on your own and support a baby....physically, emotionally, financially. this ultimately is your life and your decision. explore your options. try and stay away from anyone with an ''agenda''.
and most of all, stay away from this jerk. in his mind you as a couple are ''broke up''. in your expression here in this thread, you used the words ''taking a break''. face reality about what this guy really is. don''t get sucked into the "but we could have been so good together if only he''d ''x'' ". and don''t beat yourself up for having feelings for this guy even still.
but do face reality. make the decisions you need to make for you....not some possible future in which he changes his mind, you meet someone that will be a father to this child, etc. make the decisions based on you and your needs now and what you want your life to be. many women are capable of raising a child on their own. it can be done. but many are not. only you know what is in your heart and in your capabilities.
try and keep people in your life that are not going to be judgemental no matter what you decide.
movie zombie
ps i''m surprised he went to the doctor with you; however, it was one sure way of making sure his voice was heard AGAIN that he doesn''t want this child and he''s making sure the medical community knows it. someone advised you to make notes and i agree: i''m guessing you will have to go through the court system not only for awarding child support but for collecting it as well. i''m not sure i''d involve him in any further counseling/medical visits as it creates the illusion of a ''we'' when it really is just ''you''. based on his desire to not have this child, i''d drop him and proceed completely alone and in the company of a trusted friend. and talking to someone right now about your legal rights re child support might also be a good idea.
upgrading mama
Brilliant_Rock
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Dear Alexis,
I know that we don''t ''really'' know you so it is a hard topic to give opinion on, I think. I don''t know how old you are, or what your financial situation is at this time in your life. I know a little about what your emotional situation is bc of what you have told us about the ex-bf. I agree that he sounds pretty imatture and totally unsupported.
Do you think you could convide in your parents?? I really think you should. My mom and I aren''t best friends or anything like that, but I would definately want her by my side whlle going through something like that.
I am glad that you are moving this appointment back and not making a decision too soon.
I DISSAGREE with people telling you to put the pictures away. This is afterall, a baby and it is your baby. Looking at or not looking at a picture won''t change that. You could have this baby and raise it with the help of your family and the father doesn''t have to be a part of it, beyond his financial part. I had a hs student a few yrs ago who did have a child and the father doesn''t see him, except very rarely and it works ok for them.
I wouldn''t worry about how a man down the road will accept you with a child, sooo many couples are that way now and it works. WHo knows, it may even draw one close to you. Not that this should be your focus right now.
I don''t know where you stand religiously, but you did say initially you were against abortion. I know that I could never go through with such a procedure. I couldn''t bring myself to end a life, and I know people argue when it begins, but whatever.
I would ask you to consider adoption if you can''t bring yourself to raise your baby. There are so, so many couples out there who don''t have children and would be desperate to love yours. (And some couples who do have ones of their own as well.
children are a blessing. I truly believe that. We were one month married when I got pregnant and we were in TOTAL shock. It definately was a few years sooner than I would have wanted to have a child, but just bc the time wasn''t right in my schedule didn''t mean that child shouldn''t live. We were then pregnanct again 6 months later after son #1 was born!!!
I know that since I was married I had the support of my hubby, but the shock and insecurity of being ready for it all was there.
There is nothing better in my life right now than my 2 little boys.....
and I know that if I ever aborted, I would always wonder "what if".
I know this post will probaby bring some fuss my way but I am ok with that. I just had to share what I feel, as a baby''s life hangs in the balance here. Don''t let your fallen relationship with this guy ruin the miracle that is growing inside you. he/she didn''t ask to be put there and he/she doesn''t know the hell that you are going through right now. All that little baby knows is that it is growing an is perfectly safe inside you. Here is a link in case you are interested to see what stage of development your baby is in. http://www.babycenter.com/mybabycenter/106.html
Please take care of yourself and seriously consider the options. No matter what you choose, we are all here for you.
I wrote this with much love and concern for you and your unborn, I truly hope this hasn''t upset you. Lord knows you have enough things to do that for you right now.....
((((((HUGS)))))))
I know that we don''t ''really'' know you so it is a hard topic to give opinion on, I think. I don''t know how old you are, or what your financial situation is at this time in your life. I know a little about what your emotional situation is bc of what you have told us about the ex-bf. I agree that he sounds pretty imatture and totally unsupported.
Do you think you could convide in your parents?? I really think you should. My mom and I aren''t best friends or anything like that, but I would definately want her by my side whlle going through something like that.
I am glad that you are moving this appointment back and not making a decision too soon.
I DISSAGREE with people telling you to put the pictures away. This is afterall, a baby and it is your baby. Looking at or not looking at a picture won''t change that. You could have this baby and raise it with the help of your family and the father doesn''t have to be a part of it, beyond his financial part. I had a hs student a few yrs ago who did have a child and the father doesn''t see him, except very rarely and it works ok for them.
I wouldn''t worry about how a man down the road will accept you with a child, sooo many couples are that way now and it works. WHo knows, it may even draw one close to you. Not that this should be your focus right now.
I don''t know where you stand religiously, but you did say initially you were against abortion. I know that I could never go through with such a procedure. I couldn''t bring myself to end a life, and I know people argue when it begins, but whatever.
I would ask you to consider adoption if you can''t bring yourself to raise your baby. There are so, so many couples out there who don''t have children and would be desperate to love yours. (And some couples who do have ones of their own as well.
children are a blessing. I truly believe that. We were one month married when I got pregnant and we were in TOTAL shock. It definately was a few years sooner than I would have wanted to have a child, but just bc the time wasn''t right in my schedule didn''t mean that child shouldn''t live. We were then pregnanct again 6 months later after son #1 was born!!!
I know that since I was married I had the support of my hubby, but the shock and insecurity of being ready for it all was there.
There is nothing better in my life right now than my 2 little boys.....
and I know that if I ever aborted, I would always wonder "what if".
I know this post will probaby bring some fuss my way but I am ok with that. I just had to share what I feel, as a baby''s life hangs in the balance here. Don''t let your fallen relationship with this guy ruin the miracle that is growing inside you. he/she didn''t ask to be put there and he/she doesn''t know the hell that you are going through right now. All that little baby knows is that it is growing an is perfectly safe inside you. Here is a link in case you are interested to see what stage of development your baby is in. http://www.babycenter.com/mybabycenter/106.html
Please take care of yourself and seriously consider the options. No matter what you choose, we are all here for you.
I wrote this with much love and concern for you and your unborn, I truly hope this hasn''t upset you. Lord knows you have enough things to do that for you right now.....
((((((HUGS)))))))
~*Alexis*~
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2006
- Messages
- 1,751
Sophie-
Thanks for the heartfelt reply. To answer your question I am 21. I currently work for a health insurance claims company. I make decent money, and I just graduated college with honors this past may.
I have been looking at the pictures hoping something would just hit me and then that would be my answer. So far I have got nuttin.
As for my religious sentiment, I was raised lutheran but I have not been to church for quite a while. I did however pay all night last night to help him see what he has right in front of him and help him change his mind because I cannot change his mind for him. Unfortunately.
Overall, my stance is still the same. No new progress. I will keep you posted.
Thanks all of you from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt prayers and thoughts during this emotional and stressful time.
Thanks for the heartfelt reply. To answer your question I am 21. I currently work for a health insurance claims company. I make decent money, and I just graduated college with honors this past may.
I have been looking at the pictures hoping something would just hit me and then that would be my answer. So far I have got nuttin.
As for my religious sentiment, I was raised lutheran but I have not been to church for quite a while. I did however pay all night last night to help him see what he has right in front of him and help him change his mind because I cannot change his mind for him. Unfortunately.
Overall, my stance is still the same. No new progress. I will keep you posted.
Thanks all of you from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt prayers and thoughts during this emotional and stressful time.
Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2002
- Messages
- 31,003
sophie, your post really bothers me...i know that you have only the best intentions for alexis because you are a good person, but sentences like ''All that little baby knows is that it is growing an is perfectly safe inside you.'' to me just sounds so guilt-inducing for poor alexis. i honestly think she is intelligent enough to figure out things for herself, but for me much of what you said is just SO blatant pro-life that if i were in alexis'' shoes and totally confused and guilty feeling to begin with, reading your post would make me feel badly for even considering not keeping the child.
anyway, i love ya gal, but i just had to say that and i know not everyone will agree with me and that''s okay...i know that pro-life vs choice is always such an absolutely touchy emotional and personal subject, but i really think that the decision lies within someone''s heart and that people should try to be very careful with how or what they say that might ''influence'' someone one way or the other in a situation like this. i surely would not want alexis to consider keeping or getting rid of the child based on anything WE say here, it''s HER life and she needs to do what is best for her. which is why i really hope she can also confide in her mother, someone who has her best interests at heart as well and who has the life experiences and wisdom to help her daughter make the best decision possible for all involved.
anyway, i love ya gal, but i just had to say that and i know not everyone will agree with me and that''s okay...i know that pro-life vs choice is always such an absolutely touchy emotional and personal subject, but i really think that the decision lies within someone''s heart and that people should try to be very careful with how or what they say that might ''influence'' someone one way or the other in a situation like this. i surely would not want alexis to consider keeping or getting rid of the child based on anything WE say here, it''s HER life and she needs to do what is best for her. which is why i really hope she can also confide in her mother, someone who has her best interests at heart as well and who has the life experiences and wisdom to help her daughter make the best decision possible for all involved.
Christa
Brilliant_Rock
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- Aug 15, 2006
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- 613
OK, I''ll step into it. I really don''t want to turn this into a pro-life/pro-choice argument, but I have to come to Sophie''s defense. I didn''t go back and count how many people said something like "please don''t do it, you''ll regret it", but there were plenty of us. Alexis said in her original post that she doesn''t believe in abortion, and apparently Sophie doesn''t either . . . what''s wrong with that? All I see in Sophie''s post is someone sincerely trying to keep Alexis from doing something she may regret forever.
Alexis, I apologize for the short hijack of your thread. You are in my prayers, and I''d encourage you to be open to all the options (even adoption, though I can completely understand how impossible it seems) and get all the information that''s out there before you decide.
Here''s a ((hug)) for you . . .
Alexis, I apologize for the short hijack of your thread. You are in my prayers, and I''d encourage you to be open to all the options (even adoption, though I can completely understand how impossible it seems) and get all the information that''s out there before you decide.
Here''s a ((hug)) for you . . .
Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- 31,003
My post was really not about 'Sophie'. I just hate to see people who have strong beliefs one way or another say such DEFINITIVE things like 'don't do it you will regret it' or similar because hello you do not know what Alexis will feel. Some people do not regret it. Sometimes it's the right thing to do. Just like sometimes keeping the child is the right thing to do.
I know that everyone here IS supportive of Alexis whatever she decides, but as I said in my initial post...I just really feel like people should be cautious about what they say and how they say it when it comes to a really touchy subject like this, I tried to be really careful with what I said in my post, even though I am really very pro-choice. But I don't want MY views to influence anything related to Alexis..because it's not my life and I don't have to make the choice or decision.
Anyway I do not want to threadjack or turn this into a debate because you don't win or lose a debate on a passionate subject such as this, people feel as they do, but I wanted to say that...it's not really specific about anyone (Sophie's post just kind of was the clincher I think for me), but I just feel like people should be cautious about what they say and how things are 'phrased' in an emotionally volatile thread like this.
PS I don't feel like Sophie needs any sort of defense, it doesn't change anything. And I still love Sophie. I just had to say what I thought.
I know that everyone here IS supportive of Alexis whatever she decides, but as I said in my initial post...I just really feel like people should be cautious about what they say and how they say it when it comes to a really touchy subject like this, I tried to be really careful with what I said in my post, even though I am really very pro-choice. But I don't want MY views to influence anything related to Alexis..because it's not my life and I don't have to make the choice or decision.
Anyway I do not want to threadjack or turn this into a debate because you don't win or lose a debate on a passionate subject such as this, people feel as they do, but I wanted to say that...it's not really specific about anyone (Sophie's post just kind of was the clincher I think for me), but I just feel like people should be cautious about what they say and how things are 'phrased' in an emotionally volatile thread like this.
PS I don't feel like Sophie needs any sort of defense, it doesn't change anything. And I still love Sophie. I just had to say what I thought.
poptart
Brilliant_Rock
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- May 23, 2006
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Mara,
I understand where you are coming from in relation to Sophie''s statement, but ignoring the fact that it is a living being is not going to make the decision any easier, and I don''t think the phrase was meant to induce guilt. I''m not going to say anymore because it will just end up in a pro choice vs. pro life debate, and that is definitely not where we should be heading! But I just wanted to offer a defense for Sophie and her thoughts.
You''re in all our prayers Alexis!
Marisa
I understand where you are coming from in relation to Sophie''s statement, but ignoring the fact that it is a living being is not going to make the decision any easier, and I don''t think the phrase was meant to induce guilt. I''m not going to say anymore because it will just end up in a pro choice vs. pro life debate, and that is definitely not where we should be heading! But I just wanted to offer a defense for Sophie and her thoughts.
You''re in all our prayers Alexis!
Marisa
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