Trouble........

[KimberlyH]

Date: 10/27/2006 3:53:59 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 10/27/2006 3:16:19 PM
Author: KimberlyH
asscherme: I concur with everything you said until you stated she should not '' let other people tell you what to do. NOt your boyfriend, not your mother, just you'' Her boyfriend''s life will be changed by this too, and his thoughts, feelings and opinions should be taken into consideration. He may not have reacted in the best manner, but he is the father, if she''s pregnant, and his opinion should be valued.

i too am very very prochoice....and that choice is asherme''s. he has been given an opportunity to voice his opinion and she may wish to allow him to do so again. whether or not he changes his mind changes nothing for me...[but then i''m not the one in the situation]. his opinion should be heard and respected but in the end it is her decision. prochoice swings both ways. given they are not married and were taking a ''break'' just means in my eyes there is no tie breaker here: the decision is hers. while he may have to pay child support, he can decide not to be active in the child''s life. she is the one that will have most of the financial burdern despite child support and all the physical/emotional support for this child as well....if he persists in not wanting it. her life will be the most effected by the decision she makes....either way. even if he decides that he wants the child too, that could change again at a later date and she''d still be the one with the primary and majority responsiblity.
while his opinion should be ''valued'' it should not over rule her decision.

thinking of you this afternoon, assherme.

movie zombie

I actually came back to apologize for dissenting with asscherme in this topic as it was not an appropriate place to do so, but I think what I was disagreeing with was mistunderstood. I am pro-choice as well and would respect Alexis'' decision to abort, adopt or keep the child.

I was just trying to express that if I woman keeps a child and the father is not interested in participating in the child''s life it will affect the child. That is not to say the child can and will not become a wonderful human being, but it does have a permanent and lasting affect. Asscherme stated that Alexis should only follow her heart, not the advice and opinions of the child''s father family and friends. The heart is a great guide, but it takes a lot more than love to raise a child and if that cannot be provided by the mother than she needs to consider other options and that decision should be made with both ones heart and ones mind. We are essentially saying the same thing, MZ, that his opinion should be valued, it shouldn''t be the only factor, but it should be one of many in this difficult decision.

I am thinking of you as well, Alexis.

 

[asscherisme]

Hmm, maybe my opinion did not come out right.

Of course she will listen to what her (ex?) boyfriend thinks, what her mother thinks. If the father wanted to baby and she has a twinge of wanting or undecided, or not knowing may sway her. But lets be real. If she is single, its her body and she is the one who would be caring for the child day to day if he is not interested in it. So yes, it is following her heart.

5 years from now, how would she feel if she aborted? Gave the baby up for adoption? Kept the baby? I wish her the best and hope that she has support in her life what ever she decides.

But the reality is that it is her body. He has already made her position clear but he can't force and abortion on her. Just as if she wants to abort and he does not, he can't strap her down and force to abort.

The reality is that if he did not want to be in that postion, he should not have slept with her because no birth control is fool proof. In a perfect world people would discuss what to do and what ifs before. But that rarely happens. I know the shock of an unplanned prengancy when on the pill. And even being married an unplanned pregnany was a shocker and a big decision what to do. Ultimately my husband left it up to me and told me he would support whatever I wanted to do. But his first reaction was not being happy about another baby at the time and yes the word abortion did come out of his mouth. Ulitmately though he told me it was my body and YES I am very very prochoice but I felt in my heart I had to have the baby. And it was a good decision for me and he is very happy now that I kept the pregnancy.

So I do stand by what I said, just clarifying my point better.

 

[KimberlyH]

That clarifies things a bit asscherme; my apologies for the thread hijack, Alexis.

 

[Sundial]

Let us know what you find out Alexis. Know that you can always vent your problems here and have people to listen and support whatever you decide to do.

 

[MelissaSue]

I just wanna send you some BIG BIG*********HUGGGSS*********

I don''t have any wonderfully expert advice or anything.. but if you have your mind set to have your baby then do it. Give your BF and yourself some time to process the situation... Ultimately, he will probably be the one controlling his involvement in the situation.

 

[movie zombie]

clarifications have been made, agreement that we''re saying the same thing and more importantly, we''re all on board to support alexis.

as hard as it may be, alexis, please make sure to get some rest.

movie zombie

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 10/27/2006 8:12:26 PM
Author: movie zombie
clarifications have been made, agreement that we''re saying the same thing and more importantly, we''re all on board to support alexis.

as hard as it may be, alexis, please make sure to get some rest.

movie zombie

Well said, MZ, thank you for expressing what I couldn''t seem to find the words for.

I keep checking in to see how you''re doing and what the results were, Alexis. I hope you were able to find a friend to go with you so you had support today and that the outcome is as you hoped it would be. My best to you.

 

[FireGoddess]

I hope you''re taking the news okay, whatever the outcome of the doctor''s visit was. Thinking about you...

 

[galeteia]

Oh my god. I just saw this thread.

Alexis, my heart goes out to you. I have been in a similar situation, but the best choice of action was far more clear for me and it didn''t end up coming to that in the end. I sympathize with you on both the reluctance to give up the child that you have carried, and also with the health concerns about bringing it to term.

I hope that wherever you are right now, you are getting the same outpouring of support that you are on here.

 

[upgrading mama]

Dear Alexis,

I am not sure when you will be checking in here as I am sure today was a big day for you. I hope that you were given a solid yes or no to being pregnant today. In your original post you said you and your bf were on a break, but it seems that in all the subsequent emails, we have all assumed he is an ex.
Maybe he is or not quite??

Anyway, I hope that if you are indeed pregnant that no matter what you decide, you take some time and think about.

Know that we are here for you in support for you...

 

[monarch64]

Alexis,

I really wish you the best during this time. You are a sweetie...I''m glad to know that you have your parents and friends for support while you are going through this current situation (I''ve read some of your other threads about relationship issues with this guy

), and while the ultimate decisions in this matter are yours to make, please pay attention to the wisdom and advice you receive from the people in your life who''ve known you since day one.

I hope that you let us know how you''re doing when things have settled down a bit...or that you come here for help/advice/support whenever you need it. Take care of yourself.

 

[JulieN]

congratulations!

My bf and I were also separated at the time. It''s supposed to be a happy time, but it''s hard because I felt like I had to keep it to myself.

 

[anchor31]

Thinking about you Alexis...

 

[oshinbreez]

I''m thinking about you too. *hugs*

 

[Ellen]

Alexis, you are in my thoughts as well...

 

[asscherisme]

How are you Alexis? How was the doctor?

The others are right. The bottom line is you have support whatever you decide to do. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Tybee]

Alexis,

I have been following this thread, but haven''t posted. I just wanted to offer my support. I, too was in this situation many years ago. When I was much much younger...

I know that it is a very emotional time. I want to offer you all that I can ((((((((hugs))))))))
Please know that whatever happens, and whatever you decide, you will get through this. Thinking of you a lot.

Tybee

 

[snlee]

Alexis, you are in my thoughts as well. I hope you have as much support in real life as here on PS. Let us know how to doc appointment went.

 

[dani13]

Sorry I am late to this thread, Alexis. Sending you hugs and good luck vibes- I hope everything turned out ok. No matter what, just remember that you will get through this difficult time...please check in with us soon.

 

[AndyRosse]

Alexis, just thinking of you. Hope all is well.

Check in with us when you can

 

[Blenheim]

Alexis, I just wanted to let you know that I''m thinking of you and hope that everything is turning out okay.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

OK so well here goes, I left work a little early because I had to go pick up my promise ring from the jewelers becaused it was getting sized. (Its been a terrible weekend)

Went to the Dr''s and took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I am almost 6 weeks pregnant. we sat in the room in silence and when she asked when she wanted the appointment made with the nurse practictioner. He piped up and said we were looking at abortion. She looked crushed. She was a very nice lady, but she understood. So she got us the paper work and information we needed. We called one of the places and made an appointment for Thursday to go through the counseling. I keep going back and forth and just praying that the answer will come because it just flip flops and its not easy. I got 45 minutes of sleep last night and then I was wide awake all night until I had to get up and get ready to go to work. So here I am on my computer looking like crap...

To TOP everything off----
Sunday afternoon I went to target to pick up a few things before I went to a passion party thrown by my FSIL. I walked out to the parking lot and saw his car. He NEVER goes to target. he hates target. So I walked all around the store because we needed to talk. I spied him in the optical center carrying another girls purse. RED FLAG. So the stalker in me waited around the clothes and spied on him. THen she came out. It was this girl who is suppose to be my friend. yeah nice huh?? They never hung out ever. ever. Who would call someone up out of the blue and ask them if they want to pick out glasses?? WTF!! So he and I got into it and I stormed off and he came chasing after me and all this crap. So then we walked outside so we didnt make any more of a scene. We went for a drive and as I started to drive the ''friend'' walks out of the store and just stares at me as she is walking to her car. Of course he is like we are not together and I can do what I want. So of course I am in tears at this point (feeling like I am going to puke too) I drop him off and then he goes back inside looking for her. He tells me that they are just friends but I cant trust her as far as I can throw her so I trust him just not her, I believe him but I can never trust her for anything. So thats great.

I later send him a text message for over-reacting, but I told him anyone but her. Anyone but her. He sent me a text back saying he can do what he wants and there is nothing I can do about it. Which is true. Its just crappy that she had to do that.

So I called my other friend Ingrid who is best friends with this ''friend'' and she told me that she has been after him since before we broke up. Nice.

So what am I suppose to do now???

So at this point I am right back to square one. Confused. Alone. Emotional. Naseous.

 

[robbie3982]

Awe, Alexis, I''m so sorry that you''re going through all of this. I thought that you were against abortion though. Don''t let him talk you into having one if it''s not what you want. Obviously it would be easier on him if this all just goes away, but you have to do what''s right for you.

Of course he can do whatever he wants if you''re not together, but it''s really crappy of him to hide it from you especially when you''re in the process of making a life altering decision. Personally, I think I would''ve reacted the same way.

I think you should take some time away from him to figure out what it is that YOU want. Don''t rush into abortion or anything else for that matter. I''m pro-choice, but you really seemed to be against it and I don''t want you to get pressured into doing anything. Correct me if I''m wrong, but can''t you have an abortion until the end of the first trimester? That would mean that you''d have about 6 weeks to decide if that choice is right for you.

You''re in my thoughts and I know that you''ll figure out what''s best for you.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Thanks for all of the support guys I really appreciate it.

I never really said I was against it, but at this point I am open to anything. I just know I couldn''t do the adoption thing. I just couldnt. So now I am not sure where I stand. I am just confused. I think I will push back the appointment though until I can think everything through completely.

 

[njc]

Alexis, I am so sorry for all of the drama you are having to deal with. I have to say, my initial reaction to all of this is for you to tell him, "I can do what I want and there is nothing you can do about it."

But I agree with the others that it should somewhat be his choice too. I just cant get over how immature he is being about all of this... I am SO sorry.

Have you told any of your family or friends? I hope that you have some great in-person support during this difficult time.

 

[laine]

You mentioned that you had an appointment for some sort of counseling together with your BF (at a clinic?). I would also recommend going to something by yourself, so that he doesn''t end up pushing you into something you aren''t ok with. I''m not sure what sort of counseling resources you have available, but I think anything would be better than nothing (though something that doesn''t push any option on you, abortion or not, would be best). Is there a friend or family member you can talk to?

I''m know this is a very hard time, and I wish you the very best in dealing with it all.

 

[Blenheim]

I''m so sorry, Alexis.

I agree that you should postpone your appointment. In your first post, you said that you really don''t believe in abortion and that (if pregnant) there''s no doubt that you have the baby. It''s fine if you change your mind because it''s right for you, but I really don''t want you to be pressured into it because he was sitting next to you telling the nurse that you''re getting one. Take time to think it over.

I think you''ve learned a lot about his character in the past few days, too. I don''t think you were overreacting, with everything you knew about the situation (plus pregnancy hormones).

Counseling, with someone trained and who doesn''t have a stake in the situation, might really help you figure things out as well.

You''re in my thoughts as well, and I really hope that you reach a decision that you feel is best.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Yeah I know I should postpone the appointment. The counseling is at the abortion clinic an hour and a half away. You have to go twice. Once for all your counseling, testing and ultrasound and then once 24hrs later to actually do the surgical procedure. There is a mandatory 24 wait for all people to see if they change their minds only you have to pay 3/4 the cost of everything on the first day. I dont want to go there then freak out and then pay over $500 to back out. I am not sure about the situation at this point. I am not going to talk to him for at least 2 days so I can clear my head and make things straight in my head--or at least try anyways.

Thanks for all the support. I am very happy to be apart of this forum. ladies always stick together.

I did mention in my first post that I do not believe in abortion, that was the way I was raised. My mom had kids young (3 before she was 21) so if she believed in it than I would not be here. I just don''t know if my conscience would allow me to go through with it and live with that for the rest of my life. I am pro-choice. But for me this is a difficult decision that I am not sure I am ready to make.

Thanks for the support again- I REALLY appreaciate it.

PS My mom and dad are not aware of what is going on right now and I am not going to tell them until I have made my final decision. I am not sure how they would react--accept my dad would be after him with a gun...

I have told a few friends and they support whatever decision that I make, so thats good.

 

[decodelighted]

I''m so sorry you''re going through this.

I just have to say .. you ex is acting like a total A**. Please don''t base your decision on the hopes he''ll "take you back" or you''ll win him away from that skank. He has shown you his TRUE COLORS during a time of real crisis. IMO .. he is immature & cruel & has totally checked out of the relationship.

You can use all the support you can gather right now! Maybe you should confide in your parents, I dunno?

**HUGS**

 

[AndyRosse]

Oh Alexis, I''m so sorry your ex is behaving like this. You definitely need to take some time for yourself and think everything through.

And remember, we are here for you! *HUGS*