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Home Stillbirth thread?

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Circe, I am so, so sorry for your loss. What a devastating, horrible thing to happen . . . my heart breaks for you.

To SeaStar, Lindsey, and others who have experience stillbirth, I am very sorry for your losses as well. Even though time helps in the healing, I''m sure the pain you''ve suffered is immeasurable.

I wish you all peace and comfort. You will be in my prayers.
 
Circe, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart is literally aching for you and the other women here who have experienced this. Please continue to share your stories if it helps in the healing process. We are all here for you.
 
Circe, my sympathies to you, your husband, and your families. Your eloquence and grace are evident. I wish you much peace during this time.
 
Circe, I am so very very sorry for your loss. I can''t imagine the heartbreak you are going through. Prayers of healing going out to you and your husband.
 
peace be with you and your husband.

your posts are so eloquent ... i am amazed at your composure and strength during this time of sadness.

((hugs))
 
Dear Circe,

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you and your husband, as I can''t imagine what you are going through. You will be in my prayers with wishes for healing.

When I was BF, I was always warned to stay away from Black Walnut because it was known for drying up breast milk fast. If possible, maybe you can have your husband go to the health food store or The Vitamin Shoppe to ask someone about it. They will probably know proper dosage, etc.

Wishing you peace.
 
Circe, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you and your DH.
 
Circe, I am so incredibly sad for your loss. Please know my thoughts are with you, I am also amazed at your strength. Please take care of yourself.
 
I am so sorry Circe, truly sorry.
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Circe, I''m so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

My cousin (she was my MOH) went through the same thing at exactly the same gestational point a little more than a month before my wedding last year. It was such a tough thing, of course. It was her third time so it was a little easier for her to recover from, emotionally anyway. It was the first time she''d shared the pregnancy news with her family so early, and she said having everyone know and understand what was going on really helped her through it.

Anyway, dunno why I wrote all that... in times like this I tend to overshare unhelpful information. But you know that you''re not alone, which is the important thing... and it sounds like you''re getting the support you need. Feel better, friend.
 
Circe, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your husband, and I thank you for your grace and courage in posting this thread. I am amazed at your composure and eloquence, and I wish for you all of the peace and strength in the world.
 
Circe, I am so very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your husband.
 
I''m so sorry Circe. I can''t magine the pain you and your husband are going through. My prayers will be with you and your family.
 
circe, waxing lyrical, sea star, lindsey...

there are no words. i''m so sorry.

sending tears and love,
 
Oh Circe...I am so very sorry for your loss, and at the same time, amazed by your strength in coping with such a tragedy. You are in my thoughts, honey, and I wish you and yours peace, strength, and love.
 
circe and other mamas, I send my hugs and sympathies to you and your families.
 
Circe, I am so sorry to hear about this. Please don''t apologise for needing to talk about it here, or taking breaks in between. It is an overwhelming time and there is no better therapy than sharing grief.

This happened to some friends of ours a few years ago and it was heartbreaking to watch. They buried their son and still visit the grave and leave little Star Wars figurines for him. They have since had one beautiful daughter and more recently, a gorgeous healthy baby boy.

Take care of yourself, and we are all here if you need to talk.
 
Circe i am very deeply saddened by your loss. i send lots of peace and comfort your way, as there is nothing else anyone can do.

Lindsey''s loss will be embedded in my thoughts always bc i gave birth to my twins 2 days after her tragic loss and i lay in the hospital reading her post and staring out the window at the nitetime nyc skyline and telling myself..... i know not to ask "why" but just thinking how unfair life can really be. i took her news very hard and it took a toll on me and i wished no one would ever have to go thru what she did and how strong she seemed to be just made me ache even more.

i never personally knew anyone that went thru this but my sil passed tragically at the age of 20 4 yrs ago and i was there with their mom thru the whole thing and i cant express what that was like. at any point, losing a child is unbearable...but it will get better..somehow someway...time lets some wounds heal,...never will it go away completley but it wont always be dark.

my heart goes out to u and everyone else that went thru this.
 
Date: 8/11/2009 11:24:50 PM
Author: waxing lyrical


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It really, really angers me that misoprostol is still used. I looked at the doctor like he was insane when he said that. My uterus was already irritated and overly distended and I didn''t want to risk uterine hyperstimulation since it''s known to cause that. My doula didn''t like him at all. He strongly suggested on being medicated before even checking me. That wasn''t part of my ''plan,'' but neither was entering the hospital. I didn''t feel like fighting or dealing with him so I gave in. I told him I wouldn''t be having misoprostol at all, but would instead do Cervidil if my cervix wasn''t ripe. Surprisingly, I was 4 cm so I was just given a very high dose of pit, the more aggressive approach as he said.
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He told me that while he''s all for unmedicated birth, the route he was going to take would be very aggressive. Not something they do in live births. :sigh:

Were you in nursing when you lost your son?
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It''s amazing how all our hopes and dreams are so coldly disregarded when that little heartbeat is no longer flicking on the monitor. We become part of a protocol and are expected to go with "the plan" without much of a second thought for our well thought out birth plans and all of the meaning this moment was supposed to hold for us and our husbands and families. Once you''re classified as a demise I feel like there''s a line that''s drawn, you''re a different kind of patient. It''s not a live birth, be aggressive, get the baby out and let''s get them home. It''s still kind of a taboo topic in a way, even to this day. In my experience both as a patient and as a nurse the doctors don''t really know what to do or say for all of their training in this area, because it''s so painful and nothing can make it better.They know that the sooner you''re home the sooner the healing process can begin. It''s most definitely not going to begin on a maternity floor full of happy families and cooing babies. I''m sure that there are some women who have had wonderful experiences with their doctor during a stillbirth (as wonderful as that experience can get anyway), but for the most part I feel there needs to be more education on bedside manner and approach for parents who are delivering an angelbaby.

I wasn''t in nursing when I lost my son. I actually wanted to go into medicine after his death and become an OBGYN so that no other woman would ever have to experience what I went through, but ended up feeling nursing was a better fit for me in the end. I''m actually starting pre-reqs for med school though because I''ve always been really drawn to medicine and I don''t think I''m going to feel satisfied until I follow my heart. I think I want to go into pediatric oncology or emergency medicine though.
 
Date: 8/12/2009 10:38:02 PM
Author: SeaStar

It''s amazing how all our hopes and dreams are so coldly disregarded when that little heartbeat is no longer flicking on the monitor. We become part of a protocol and are expected to go with ''the plan'' without much of a second thought for our well thought out birth plans and all of the meaning this moment was supposed to hold for us and our husbands and families. Once you''re classified as a demise I feel like there''s a line that''s drawn, you''re a different kind of patient. It''s not a live birth, be aggressive, get the baby out and let''s get them home. It''s still kind of a taboo topic in a way, even to this day. In my experience both as a patient and as a nurse the doctors don''t really know what to do or say for all of their training in this area, because it''s so painful and nothing can make it better.They know that the sooner you''re home the sooner the healing process can begin. It''s most definitely not going to begin on a maternity floor full of happy families and cooing babies. I''m sure that there are some women who have had wonderful experiences with their doctor during a stillbirth (as wonderful as that experience can get anyway), but for the most part I feel there needs to be more education on bedside manner and approach for parents who are delivering an angelbaby.

I wasn''t in nursing when I lost my son. I actually wanted to go into medicine after his death and become an OBGYN so that no other woman would ever have to experience what I went through, but ended up feeling nursing was a better fit for me in the end. I''m actually starting pre-reqs for med school though because I''ve always been really drawn to medicine and I don''t think I''m going to feel satisfied until I follow my heart. I think I want to go into pediatric oncology or emergency medicine though.
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Thank you for posting this SS. I think every pregnant woman fears stillbirth more than anything else in pregnancy. I remember it was my biggest worry. To know that women are actually treated so coldly when they go through with this is just so incredibly heartbreaking on top of the pain they are already experiencing emotionally. I understand that the "clinical" approach is probably thought to be necessary like you said, to get the mothers home quickly to begin healing without being around reminders of their losses. I guess I thought this would be handled better, peacefully, with dignity. I don''t know what to say. I''m totally at a loss here, but surely there should be more support out there and it should start in the hospital IMO.

I''m sorry too that it is considered by some to be taboo to talk about this. That''s exactly how my mom felt, and why she never talked about her loss. I really wish I had talked to her about it while she was alive. It saddens me to think that some women might actually blame themselves too, since it''s so hard for them to talk about this with others. I wish there was more sharing out there, it helps all women, and Circe, if you read this, I think it''s absolutely admirable that you were able to come here and share your experience. It may have helped someone out there who is only lurking, you just never know.

Good for you on becoming a nurse and going for med school. That''s great of you to want to help others. I know many specifically don''t want to work those disciplines because they are hard emotionally. Good luck.
 
Once you are deep in the healing process you will never cease to be amazed at what a powerful resource you can be for others who are experiencing this. I joined many support loss groups and though I didn''t want to talk much at first just listening and knowing other people were where I was and survived helped immeasurably. The first time I had a patient who had a stillbirth I wasn''t sure I would be able to handle it but it turned out to be a healing experience for both of us. It''s easier when you''re not alone. This subject is usually a silent topic in the real world but there are many women all around us who have experienced a late trimester miscarriage or stillbirth. It''s hard to heal when you have no one to talk to who''s been there.
 
Aww, to everyone here who''s lost a baby, my heart goes out to you. It just doesn''t make sense; things shouldn''t be that way. Rest up and spend lots of time in the comforting arms of your husband, Circe!

Prayers for everyone who''s had to say goodbye too soon...
 
Hey, guys - back to vent a little more after taking a few days off. Yesterday, we got the amnio report, and today we got the autopsy report, and it took a while to recover from the both of them. Both, btw, were fine. The baby was perfect.

So, the delivery itself: my heart bleeds for those of you who report having uncaring and sadistic doctors. It''s funny: my parents are old-school Russians who *need* someone to blame, and so far, my doctor has been the best bet, but ... my doctor was great. When we saw no heartbeat on the monitor, she got us an appointment at the local radiology place ASAP, after she got the sonogram results from the radiology place, she called me immediately (and this is at the end of the day, after her working hours, as I could hear the sad beep of the microwave heating her food, whatever it was). She said I could do an induced delivery the next morning, that would probably be over within 36 hours/that Sunday, and which would probably put less stress on my cervix and give us a better shot at figuring out what happened to the baby, or we could do a dilation and extraction early in the week. So I opted to check into the hospital at 5 in the morning. It''s funny, she kept trying to look for euphemisms, and trying to figure out if I wanted someone else to help me make my decision, but ... at the end of the day, it''s my body, and I like to know *precisely* what is going on with it. I really appreciated her attempts at delicacy, but, if anything, they made it harder.

The one thing I did ask her was if we couldn''t get me in to the hospital to do an induction any sooner, and she very apologetically said that she couldn''t, she had a family function ... so, I''m ashamed to say, I asked if there was anything at all to keep me from drinking heavily. And she kind of chuckle-gasped, and said, no, drink away. So, we did, and, yes, it did make it a bit easier, and we checked into the hospital the next day at 6. The woman checking us in had *no idea* of what to do with us. She tried to say, "But you aren''t registered here!" and after trying to use a few euphemisms of my own, I had to admit that my baby had died the day before (not that I "feel bad" or have any shame about this, just that it feels like such an awful thing to insert into someone else''s day). And then she asked me my religion, and couldn''t cope with pagan, and then she asked my husband his name, and tried to figure out his relationship to me since we had different last names, and then we she asked my profession, she was shocked that I was so young ... it just went on and on and on. We were *not* what she was prepared to cope with. But, finally, we got admitted and, got down to the very nice L&D ward. And now, sadly, I need to take a few (yes, I still feel the need to apologize, though I take into account and *really appreciate* those of you who''ve pointed out it''s unnecessary - it''s, like, a tick), but I''ll be back in a bit.
 
So sorry Circe. I do know your pain. It is not easy.
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Circe, my heart just breaks for you and your husband. Sending you many many hugs sweetheart.


Love, Linda
xoxoxox
 
I`m so sorry for your loss, Circe and everyone else who has lost a baby. I`m sending lots of hugs.
 
Thanks, guys, all of you: tonight has been a scary night of much pain and weird symptoms. Yesterday, my doctor sent me for two tests, parvo virus and CMG virus: I looked them up the second I got home and got suspicious. See, the second I got out of surgery and woke up (I did an induction, but the placenta stubbornly stayed put, so they had to put me under) I started asking my husband if they''d had to put a collar or something on me to make my jaw hurt so much. He attributed it to my clenching and tensing so much during delivery, but ... over the course of the next few days, it went from just my jaw hurting, to my jaw and my throat hurting, and then my jaw, my throat, my neck, and my shoulders hurting, etc., etc.

The main symptoms for CMG are fundamentally mono-like. Today, we went in because of them and I got a basic pelvic exam and when I got home, the bleeding got worse. My doctor didn''t feel well, so I wonder if maybe she was just off her game (no blame there, as I think she''s still a great doc - but she said it was "amazing" that my cervix was almost closed after just 4 days, and then, out of nowhere, more bleeding). But I also have an awful red flush all over my face and chest now ... she prescribed antibiotics, but I''m still worried. Have any of you guys had any experience with parvo or CMG? For what it''s worth, I''m considering this a PSA concerning the CMG, as I had no idea how serious that could be, and may well start another thread to alert people to it ....
 
Circe, I am so sorry to hear about your huge loss, having to give birth to your stillborn child, and now this infection. You seem clever enough to make good decisions, but dont worry about being too cautious. Better to over react than under when it comes to your health. Get a second opinion if need be and keep on top of any new or unresolving symptoms. Chances are that you are run down and vulnerable, with low immune systen atm. Look after yourself, you need oodles of tlc for awhile. Hugs from me.
 
I am so sorry Circe.
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This is so heartbreaking. Thankfully, PS has a wonderful support group in which you can lean on. My deepest condolences to you, your DH, and families.
 
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I can not even begin to imagine how painful this is for you and your husband. My heart breaks for you. Please take care of yourself.

I am also deeply sorry for the other posters who have experienced this.
 
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