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Stillbirth thread?

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Circe

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I don't know if this will strike you guys as macabre or inappropriate (and if it does take anyone that way, I will quite understand if you write to the mods to have it stricken), but PS has been so good for me in terms of commonality and comfort in reading of other people's experiences. I know we have threads on related topics, but I didn't see anything specific on this, and thought it might serve a purpose.

On Friday, we were told that our baby had no heartbeat at 18 weeks. We spent the weekend in the hospital experiencing a grotesque parody of birth via induced labor. Right now, I'm on home rest: my milk has come in, which hurts like hell, and the doctor put me on synthetic estrogen to promote uterine healing, which I'm sure is just making me that much more emotional. All I can think is that this is why I'm not a stupid optimist: it hurts. Alas, my body does not agree, and is all "Where's the baby? We're ready for the baby!" and, yep, that just makes it hurt more.

I think the short version is that this sucks. If any of y'all are going through something similar and need a place to vent, I think I'd appreciate not feeling quite so alone, but, again, if any of you are hurt or horrified or triggered by this, please ask the mods to take it down and I will understand. Hope all of you are well.
 

ChinaCat

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Oh Circe, no advice/experience, but my heart aches for you and your DH and your missed little one. Hope you find some comfort and support to get you through this.
 

E B

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Oh, Circe, I am so, so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts. Please don''t feel as though this topic is inappropriate- we''re here to offer as much support as you need.
 

somethingshiny

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I just wanted to post my support for you and anyone else who has gone through such a tragedy. I think this thread has a place here. I hope we''re able to keep it.

You''re in my prayers, Circe.
 

plantationcatt

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Circe, I am so sorry for your loss. Although I cannot empathize, you will certainly be in my thoughts. The one thing I''ve learned about PS is that there is ALWAYS someone who has walked the walk for which we need support. May we be that for you.
 

lili

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Oh Circe, I''m so so sorry to hear this.
 

neatfreak

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Oh Circe my heart goes out to you and your family. We''ll be thinking of you.

Many women have been there and gone on to have healthy pregnancies. My mom was one of them. But I''m sure that doesn''t help heal right now. Big hugs!
 

Mara

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Circe, I hesitated to click on this because I wasn't sure what to expect...but I am extremely sorry to hear about your loss. I am 15 weeks and honestly every day feels like it could be the day that something bad happens. I wonder often when I will feel 'less paranoid' and then I thought, realistically never. Because there are a lot of stories like this unfortunately.

But, you are definitely not alone...I don't know about PS but there might be a forum or a section in a pregnancy forum like BabyCenter or Fit Pregnancy that might help you as well. Best wishes, take care of yourself and each other....no one will know what you two are going through like you two.
 

D&T

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I am so sorry for your loss. My hearts ache to hear this. Prayers to you and your family
 

TravelingGal

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Circe, I am so sorry to hear this - I think venting here is appropriate and certainly welcomed by me.
 

Loves Vintage

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Oh Circe, my heart is broken for you. I am so sorry. I hope it helps, even if just a little, for you to talk about your loss here.
 

Festy

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Circe, I am so sorry to hear this has happened to your family. It''s hard to find words to address such a horribly unfair and profoundly painful and personal experience. I too welcome the thread and know that, sadly, you are not alone in your grief. Please know that we are all thinking of you.
 

isaku5

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I''m so sorry to hear about your loss, Circe. Like many others, I''ve had no experience with this, but think that you should enroll in bereavement counselling with your DH.

No one can understand your loss unless it is another mother-to-be who has gone through the same ordeal.

I hope you and your DH can comfort each other; it is indeed a terrible loss.

On a more practical note, you should have been given meds in the hospital so that your milk would not come in. As well, I can remember taking pain killers for the uterine contractions and that was over 40 years ago. Contact your doctor as soon as possible. You don''t have to suffer this physical pain along with the very real pain of your loss.
 

dragonfly411

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Circe - I''m sorry for your loss.
 

sbde

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circe, my heart aches for you and your husband. i''m so so sorry for your loss. i think that this is a perfect place for you to vent and share your feelings - PS has such wonderful members and i know that a few here have experienced loss in pregnancy. hopefully they will come here to share and help you through this.

please take care of yourself and remember that we are all here for you, if for nothing else then just to listen.
 

steph72276

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Oh Circe, my heart just breaks for you for having to go through this. I am so very sorry and sending up prayers for your family.
 

Kaleigh

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Oh Circe, I am so very sorry for your loss. Prayers of healing going out to you and your hubby.
 

Mandarine

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Circe...I am so sorry...my heart breaks for you. I can''t imagine what you''re going through, but please know that we''re here if you need to vent...or simply need support.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your little one will forever be in your hearts and your family is in my prayers
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M~
 

luckystar112

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Circe, I am so so so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my thoughts.
 

swimmer

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Oh Circe,
I am so sorry to read this. Just heartbreaking. I am so very sorry. Your poor body has been through so much, and your emotions... It is hard to imagine. Just sending you love and support, again, I am so sorry.
 

LtlFirecracker

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Circe,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is so hard to see women go though all the stuff that comes with labor only to go home empty handed. I think the best thing in the long run is to let yourself greave and be upset, as you have just had a big loss.

There have been other discussions on loss, where a lot of people have opened up about their experiences. I don''t remember the titles, but a couple were pretty recent.

We are here if you need talk
 

Dreamer_D

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Circe I am just so sorry for your loss
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I hope you can find some measure of comfort here on PS.

I can think of a few people who have suffered similar losses - Lindsay most recently, she still posts regularly, and Indepedent Gal, who sadly disaappeared shortly after she lost her twin boys. Maise also lost one of her twins. Hopefully they will see your thread.

Again, I am so so sorry, my heart breaks for you.
 

Clio

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Circe, I''m so very sorry.
 

Snicklefritz

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I haven''t been in your position but when I read your post I really felt for you. I am so sorry you''ve had to go through such a traumatic experience. I wish you and your family the best during this difficult time. And I wanted to encourage you to continue to talk to loved ones, and the forum for support. It''s a very good way to grieve a loss.
 

Steel

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I am very sorry for your loss.
 

cara

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There are not enough icons. I am so sorry for your loss... it is just tragic. Please take care of yourself and heal as best you can. And you are certainly not alone. Even though its not the same, the miscarriage thread might also have insights that are helpful as it is more common, and as Mara said there are other websites more focused on pregnancy that also might have stillbirth/loss sections with more people that have been through what you are going through if you think that will be helpful. Oh what a sad outcome...
 

phoenixgirl

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Oh Circe, I am so, so sorry. I hope that if you want company, you''ve got family or friends pampering you while you rest at home, and that if you don''t, you can have the quiet you need. I can only try to imagine the heartbreak that you''re going through . . . ugh!!! Be good to yourself and post here all you want.

My sister lost a baby at 14 weeks. She wasn''t as far along as you, but I know it broke her heart too and that it was indeed a macabre experience to pass her baby, which she [detail warning] had to preserve for testing since she was at home.
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I will never forget the awful phone call of being awoken in the middle of the night and knowing that it had to be bad news, and talking to her as she cried because her husband had been up with her for hours and she wanted to let him get some sleep. Until I lost my dad that was the worst night of my life, and obviously that was her loss and not directly mine.

She got a bracelet to commemorate her baby and did an impromptu funeral with her hubby just to have that ritual moment of remembering, grieving, and beginning to let go. You certainly don''t need to think about anything like that now, but you should know that *we* know that wasn''t some medical term like "miscarriage" -- this was your baby and it just hurts.
 

snlee

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Circe, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I can''t imagine what you''re going through. My thoughts go out to you during this difficult time.
 

DMBsGirl

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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I experienced a loss earlier this year and feel your pain, it was an early loss but difficult nonetheless. I applaud you for starting this thread, these things are more common than one would think and unfortunately usually not spoken about. I say unfortunately because this just makes the whole experience seem so isolating. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and hope you feel better soon.

ETA: I frequent another board called justmommies.com and they have an active stillbirth section that can offer support and possibly information.
 

waxing lyrical

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Oh Circe.
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I''m so, so sorry. My heart aches for you and yours. I hate to see another mama go through that experience. It''s devastating and heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you. (((hugs)))

You bring up your milk coming in. I used cabbage leaves (must be very cold) and drank sage tea to dry up my milk. I also used frozen vegetables to help with swelling. I was hugely engorged. It was so painful and I dreaded my milk coming in. As much as I wanted it to be done and over with I was sad to see it go. It was a constant reminder I didn''t have a baby to feed. I had contemplated on donating my milk, but it can be a tough screening process and I didn''t get very much milk even with my really good pumps.

The fear of losing another baby never leaves my mind. I sometimes catch myself when I get too excited about December approaching. I tell myself I may not even end up with a live baby. It hurts. It''s painful and I try very hard to think positive, but I can''t put it to the back of my mind because I''ve already experienced that loss of innocence and joy. I need to remind myself that every pregnancy and baby is unique and different. Still, it has been tough. What has helped for me is writing. I blog, as do a lot of baby loss mothers. It''s sort of healing for me. I sometimes go back and read those very raw words I wrote back in the very early weeks of losing Duncan. Someone told me grief is a feeling and mourning is an action. I write and I talk about him because it gives me a sense of connection to him.

I''m sorry if this is too sensitive to ask, but did you name him/her?
 
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