Date: 8/11/2009 8:35:03 PM
Author: *Lindsey*
Circe, I am so very sorry that your baby is not with you right now. I can think of no worse hell than what you''ve gone through -- the birth of your silent baby, your milk coming in... somehow you will survive. I gave birth to my daughter on April 14 and she was stillborn -- it was 17 weeks ago today actually. There is nothing more painful than losing a child. My husband and I had so carefully prepared for this baby, had wanted her so badly. We held our perfect 8 lb. daughter for two days and it was so tragically bittersweet. Tears stream down my face as I write this. There are some days still where no, I cannot get out of bed. But most days are good, and it is getting slightly easier. Please be kind to yourself, the ''what if I had done such and such'' can be exhausting, I hope that you don''t go down that road. Make sure that you and your husband take care of each other, these later losses can be so damaging. If you want to ever want to chat I''m always around pricescope.
waxing lyrical, I love the term rainbow baby. It seems so appropriate. The idea of baby number two is often the thing that my husband and I find can keep us going. I am amazed that we have any sort of hope for the future. I imagine that your hope is growing by the day as December approaches. We are trying for our rainbow baby this month, and I should be ovulating tomorrow... the very day last year that we conceived Natalie. We are hoping.
Date: 8/11/2009 9:36:58 PM
Author: SeaStar
Hi Circe. I''m so sorry to hear of your loss and I remember your pain all too well. I lost my son at 39.5 weeks for unknown reasons. I had a less than stellar induction and the doctor on call was cold and rough, but the compassion I received from the nurses was unparalleled. It was the most painful thing I''ve ever been through. I closed my eyes when I delivered him and I didn''t want to see him at all at first, but my nurses talked me into it and I''m glad that they did because looking back I really cherish those moments. The first few weeks were the hardest when I got home. I went through different stages of grief, but mostly I felt so empty and it felt so wrong to be home with life going on normally. At night I had to sleep with the light and television on because I kept seeing his face in my sleep. It was really hard and I felt so alone. My best advice is to surround yourself with the people and things that comfort you. Forgive people in advance for the advice they''re going to give you. Everyone is at a loss for words in a situation like this. The worst things I heard were ''at least you''re young and can always have another'', and ''there must have been something really wrong with so he''s better off in heaven.'' The best things people can do for you is to just sit and listen when you need it, and to wrap their arms around you and hold you for awhile. The key to healing is time. It''s been 7 years this past July since I lost my son and I still don''t really talk about it in person and it''s still hard to say his name out loud but I can do it. It''s going to be one of those subjects that will always be too painful, though it does get easier as the years pass by and the pain does dull to an ache. I''m here though if you ever need an ear to listen or have questions. I''m thinking of you.
Date: 8/11/2009 11:07:52 PM
Author: SeaStar
I had misoprostol and had a miserable, painful induction with very slow progression. I was so sore and the OBGYN wouldn''t give me anything for pain because she felt it would prevent me from progressing but didn''t explain that at the time, in fact she didn''t explain anything. She also checked me frequently and was very snippy with me if I grimaced, telling me my contractions weren''t that bad yet and I needed to hold still. I was sobbing hysterically before she gave in and let me have morphine but refused to let me have an epidural until my water broke. I really don''t think I will ever have anymore children. That experience really haunts me.
Date: 8/11/2009 11:59:42 PM
Author: Mara
Thanks so very much for your comments Circe. And please don''t apologize for breaks or anything between posts. You are going through a lot. Did you do pre-screens, and if so were they positive, is that why you opted for amnio? I also very much appreciate you noting your feelings and that you would do it again, and anything else you want to say.
isaku, thanks...I am 34 as well and will birth at 35. Our pre-screens are negative but due to my age they don''t dissuade an amnio. At lot of people seem surprised when we tell them we are doing one. I am really nervous, but we keep talking about it, almost daily, and both still feel that we want to do it.