So conflicted about my ring.

[mrs-b]

@JPie -

That cluster...swooooooon!!

 

[JPie]

Thanks @partgypsy & @mrs-b

 

[Susan Diamonds]

So, I hope my opinion won’t be completely invalid here, but I thought I might offer a little bit of a different perspective — as a guy (but just one guy’s opinion, of course), in my 20’s, but not engaged or even really dating someone at the moment. I have purchased gifts for ladies before, and I always like to think I do well (lucky that I’m an informed PriceScoper!) - Do forgive the lengthy post.

On the issue of diamond size - Please forgive me for saying this, but I was a little upset at first to hear that you thought a .7 ct *D COLOR* stone is inadequate. When my parents got married, they were by no means rich, but also didn’t exactly have a ton of money to burn. My dad spent $3,000 on my mom’s ring, and this was in 1990. Not exactly chump change. My mother’s ring is a simple 14k yellow gold ring with a .5 ct diamond. And it’s most certainly NOT a D color. And my father paid for the upgrade from .25 to .5ct. They've now been married almost 30 years and the ring is in no way indicative of how our lives have been. In fact my mom enjoys keeping it put away so she doesn't even wear it. It doesn't offend my dad (and hopefully your husband isn't offended if you actually do talk to him about it). My dad doesn't buy my mom much jewelry and if he does it's simple and mostly inexpensive.

I did my best to put myself in your husband's shoes. I don't think it's what I'd do but I see where the line of thinking comes from. To put it into a car analogy... it seems a little like buying you an SUV vs the two door Ferrari. What he bought you may not be the biggest - but it's as good as it gets quality wise in his mind - and more than just in his mind. As good as it gets on the actual scale. You may not be able to afford the 7 series BMW (3 carat D color), but the 3 series is in reach (your .7 ct d color), and in his mind that's better than a utility suburban (3 carat, J color).

If I were your husband and heard you didn't like your ring, I might not be happy. But it wouldn't be unhappiness at you - I'd feel bad that for the person whom I am supposed to know and love the most, I hadn't done what I was supposed to. But what would make me even more unhappy would be the knowledge that you've had so much apparent detestation to the point of tears for YEARS and never felt comfortable enough to tell me about it.

I save up and buy some nice jewelry for my mother for example. But at the end of the day I'm a teacher and photographer and not nearly as wealthy as some of my family. I do not know what I would feel if someone I loved felt inadequate because she didn't have a 2-3 ct diamond - something simply financially unthinkable for me right now.

It doesn't make your and your husbands story any different because you aren't wearing a diamond as heavy as someone else's. My grandmother doesn't even have a diamond in her wedding ring. But she doesn't care because she has one of the most enormous pearl collections I've ever seen - it's not only about the ring, either. She has a love for beauty and a passion for jewelry, not a love of comparison.

Case in point. A professor I had in college was a duke (yes, actual title "Duke") and his wife a princess - of somewhere basically unknown and probably barren now, but still. His wife had an 8.5ct emerald cut center diamond - something silly like E VVS2 or something. Would that make your 2-3ct friends upset? Liz Taylor had that 60-whatever carat pear ridiculousness on her finger. Someone will always have a nicer stone than you.

Just my 2c - so take with as much salt as necessary. And if you truly decide your diamond is inadequate, I'd be glad to take it off your hands. ;- ) Do hope that you find some comfort in the posts here and end up with something that you truly love.

This post perfectly articulates why I can’t speak to my husband about this issue. Many men don’t understand how women feel about engagement rings, and not only that, they judge them for it.

Unfortunately, whether you love a piece of jewelery isn’t really something you can control. I have tried to appreciate it and accept it (for yeas!), but try as I might, I just don’t like it. It’s not a great feeling to be forced to wear something prominently, every day, for the rest of your life—that is meant to have so much significance and meaning—that you just don’t like. Not to mention the tremendous guilt that goes along with having these feelings, and the inability to speak up about them for fear of seeming ungrateful, spoiled, greedy, etc. Herein lies the problem.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

Can you afford to get a new ring and make this one into a pendant?

If so, then I would do that. That is what I did.

Not having your dream ring actually puts you in good company. I don't know many women who have rings like here on PS. Most just don't think about it much. They appreciate it because it's their e-ring, and then they get busy with life and it's not a priority with work, kids, and a home all needing attention. Some don't wear their ring anymore after a couple of years. So don't feel like you're alone and everyone but you got proposed to with a perfect ring. If it helps, I didn't get a diamond or a dream proposal in Greece, so you're two up on me.

What I think is maybe a bit different about your situation is how long and intensely you've been focused on this. You haven't had a moment of happiness since you got the ring, and that makes me sad. I do think it's not entirely the fault of the ring. You mention so many times how "no one" liked or complimented your ring. You seem to need a lot of outside validation. I worry that if you get a new ring, you still won't get those compliments you crave. You might even get judgement for upgrading so quickly. In normal circumstances, that's not something I would suggest taking into consideration, but the reaction other people have to your ring is really important to you. What if you show off your new diamond and everyone says they liked the old one better?

Have you designed your dream ring? Do you know exactly what it would take to make you happy? I think it would be helpful to know this before telling the hubby. And make sure your finances can handle it. If you're saving up for a home, or in debt, or only have a couple hundred in savings, it's not a realistic time to bring up wanting a 15K diamond (if that's the case). Not that all is lost if you can't afford a bigger diamond ring now. Looking at your picture, I think a reset would do you wonders. I don't think the thick band is doing your stone any favors.

I hope you get your dream ring. I also hope you come to the point where you don't feel the need to keep comparing what you have to other women. Sometimes happiness is a choice.

Finances are not the issue. We own a house, cars, I am a lawyer and he is an established professional far along in his career. We save a significant amount of our income. That’s another reason it makes me sad that my husband didn’t go out of his way to get me a ring that felt a little more special.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

Finances are not the issue. We own a house, cars, I am a lawyer and he is an established professional far along in his career. We save a significant amount of our income. That’s another reason it makes me sad that my husband didn’t go out of his way to get me a ring that felt a little more special.

We also just bought my husband a brand new car in cash.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

It’s very easy to spend other people’s money. I used to go out shopping with my rich mother all the time and pick out the most amazing furniture, cars, clothes, shoes, etc for her. My tastes are amazing when the money is not mine.

I appreciate your reply, but it’s our money, so it’s a somewhat different situation.

 

[lyra]

This seems like a communication issue. Also, aim for an anniversary and start talking about it. We knew we would upgrade my original ring. It was .26ct. I always said, someday when I get my big diamond ring. It may have taken 25 years, with minor bump ups along the way, but we got there. We didn't have much disposable income because we had kids and houses fairly early on. Now I get "something" every 5 years, but nothing huge. My 25th was my big diamond anniversary.

 

[lyra]

Also, men aren't mind readers. He may not have the slightest idea that this is something that is bothering you. If he does know and is ignoring you, that's another issue entirely.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

Get it recut to perfect proportions by BGD.

At 5 years, tell your husband you love your diamond SO much, you want another one just like it to put into a pendant.

At 10 years, ask for a larger, center stone to represent your 'past, present and future'. Boom. 3 stone ring - major presence.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. So is collecting jewelry. I didn't begin to start accumulating the things I really wanted till I'd been married for 10 years - and my taste changed radically in that time anyway. 25 years later (35 in total) and my collection has developed along with me into pieces and directions I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have. Be patient - your tastes, your finances - and sometimes your husband - will change.

Hi, i agree with what Missy wrote and want to add another voice that you're not a bad person for having these feelings. It seems like you are trying to navigate this issue with sensitivity.

We learn from a young age to acceptgifts gracefully, even if they're not what you want, bit this isn't just any gift. You have to wear it every day and there are a lot of social expectations or pressures wrapped up in it.

Some people I know who didn't love their ring just quietly put it away and only wear it on occasion. Others do a reset or buy another in a few years. Others buy a rhr more to their liking. Only you know what might be feasible for you and your husband but just know you have more choices beyond sitting with it in silence that don't necessarily require totally replacing the ring if that's too fraught.

I've seen resets work wonders and some of the most elegant and stunning rings on here feature center stones of similar size. Have you taken a look around at settings you might like? Or do you feel that wouldn't be enough to address the issue?

This is an awesome idea. Thank you.

 

[vintageloves]

Finances are not the issue. We own a house, cars, I am a lawyer and he is an established professional far along in his career. We save a significant amount of our income. That’s another reason it makes me sad that my husband didn’t go out of his way to get me a ring that felt a little more special.

Good. That's just one less barrier to starting the conversation with your husband. Show him what you want for your 5th anniversary and show him you can afford it. Maybe he thinks it would be better to wait for the 10th or whatever, but at least you'll be talking.

 

[peacechick]

Finances are not the issue. We own a house, cars, I am a lawyer and he is an established professional far along in his career. We save a significant amount of our income. That’s another reason it makes me sad that my husband didn’t go out of his way to get me a ring that felt a little more special.

Since you are a trained lawyer, you should think of it as representing yourself and put forth a calm, logical and persuasive argument for upgrading your engagement ring. You can demonstrate that your finances can afford it and that you would rather have this ring than a luxury vacation (or whatever equivalent he will understand). You can argue that this is your most important piece of jewelry, which you will wear everyday, which is why it is worth the investment. You can point out your lack of other vices— I assume you don’t have a bunker full of Hermes and Louboutins— so he is so lucky to have such a practical wife.

I would not blame him for the past. He was clueless at the time and got the wrong advice. Not everyone is a shrewd shopper. Now that he has had more experience with picking out rings with his friend, he is likely to agree to your request.

 

[bludiva]

Susan Diamonds said: ↑
Finances are not the issue. We own a house, cars, I am a lawyer and he is an established professional far along in his career. We save a significant amount of our income. That’s another reason it makes me sad that my husband didn’t go out of his way to get me a ring that felt a little more special.

Can I just add one more thing...my husband is a wonderful human being but so not good at picking jewelry for me. I had to really work hard to get over seeing it as lack of caring, effort, etc. on his part. Mine won't buy jewelry for me, he is so traumatized from the first time he tried. (story for another time!) Yours may have thought he *was* going out of the way to get you something super high quality and special. Sometimes our partners can be so well meaning and still get it so very wrong and not understand why or how. I think it's ok to give yourselves both a break, detach some of the emotional stress of it, and just work on the aesthetic part of getting a ring you enjoy wearing.

 

[House Cat]

I appreciate your reply, but it’s our money, so it’s a somewhat different situation.

I was talking about your comment about him being so proud when he picked out a bigger stone for a friend’s fiancée.

 

[cmd2014]

This post perfectly articulates why I can’t speak to my husband about this issue. Many men don’t understand how women feel about engagement rings, and not only that, they judge them for it.

Unfortunately, whether you love a piece of jewelery isn’t really something you can control. I have tried to appreciate it and accept it (for yeas!), but try as I might, I just don’t like it. It’s not a great feeling to be forced to wear something prominently, every day, for the rest of your life—that is meant to have so much significance and meaning—that you just don’t like. Not to mention the tremendous guilt that goes along with having these feelings, and the inability to speak up about them for fear of seeming ungrateful, spoiled, greedy, etc. Herein lies the problem.

Oh FFS, no one is *forcing* you to wear something prominently, every day, for the rest of your life that you just don't like. Well, except YOU. You are a lawyer, finances are not an issue, and presumably after four years of marriage you have worked out the communication issue with your equally successful partner far enough along in his career that he can afford to buy you some new bling. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and either save up and buy yourself something that you like (because, as you point out, you can afford it), or use the skills you have finely honed in your professional life and be an adult and talk to him openly and honestly about it. You can probably even either sell the 0.7 carat D colour diamond (which may people would love, even though you don't) or use it to make earrings out of. But doing nothing but feeling sorry for yourself is not going to solve the problem, and the passage of time is clearly not going to make you feel differently about this given that it has not to date. Poop or get off the pot.

I really am not saying this to be mean. I'm saying it because I think someone has to. You have inhibited yourself from solving this problem for YEARS by being afraid that he will think you are greedy, spoiled, and ungrateful. Honestly, he either knows you well enough by now to know that you aren't those things, or you are those things, and this won't actually change his perception of you (but I doubt that this is true, otherwise, you'd not care that much about his feelings and just go get what you want). Just fix the damned ring already and stop being unhappy.

ETA: given that you just bought him a brand new car with cash, sounds like a good opportunity to say "hey, we got you a treat - I'd really like a treat for me too." And go pick something out together.

 

[partgypsy]

CMD- while she did say she is a lawyer she also said it is a one-income family (she is not currently working). the attorneys I know, had big student loans, so we may not have full picture. Regardless, doesn't sound like she can at this time buy it herself. But that is definitely an option, where if/when she returns to workforce to save up for it using her funds.
I again reiterate, it sounds like from all your responses, you are building up resentment and expecting your husband to be a mind reader! That's not fair to him. Another thing to keep in mind, yes maybe some of your friends have bigger rings, but we really don't know about their finances and whether they are being responsible. And you probably don't notice all the people in your community who have smaller rings. Frankly many women don't really care about jewelry. Many many women who are married to men who make as much or more than your husband, happily wear their size .25-1.0 carat rings happily. so he probably thinks you are someone like that. So, you need to talk Maybe you are afraid because he will say some version of no like, I already bought a ring, or I don't think that is a good use of our money. You need to listen to what he is saying, and work together to make a solution that works for both of you. The outcome will fall somewhere between: I will never get you another expensive piece of jewelry ever, to yes let's go out tomorrow and pick out the ring of your dreams! But that's marriage. Give us an update once you've talked to him.

ps I think your ring is beautiful! I actually love chunkier bands because they are comfortable and sit better on the finger.

 

[amoline]

This post perfectly articulates why I can’t speak to my husband about this issue. Many men don’t understand how women feel about engagement rings, and not only that, they judge them for it.

Unfortunately, whether you love a piece of jewelery isn’t really something you can control. I have tried to appreciate it and accept it (for yeas!), but try as I might, I just don’t like it. It’s not a great feeling to be forced to wear something prominently, every day, for the rest of your life—that is meant to have so much significance and meaning—that you just don’t like. Not to mention the tremendous guilt that goes along with having these feelings, and the inability to speak up about them for fear of seeming ungrateful, spoiled, greedy, etc. Herein lies the problem.

Incredible.

Nobody is forcing you to wear a dang ring.

Apologies if you felt judged; PriceScope is certainly the most non-judgmental place I've experienced, so in the interest of preserving the kindness that this amazing forum epitomizes, I'll be sure not to visit this thread again.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

CMD- while she did say she is a lawyer she also said it is a one-income family (she is not currently working). the attorneys I know, had big student loans, so we may not have full picture. Regardless, doesn't sound like she can at this time buy it herself. But that is definitely an option, where if/when she returns to workforce to save up for it using her funds.
I again reiterate, it sounds like from all your responses, you are building up resentment and expecting your husband to be a mind reader! That's not fair to him. Another thing to keep in mind, yes maybe some of your friends have bigger rings, but we really don't know about their finances and whether they are being responsible. And you probably don't notice all the people in your community who have smaller rings. Frankly many women don't really care about jewelry. Many many women who are married to men who make as much or more than your husband, happily wear their size .25-1.0 carat rings happily. so he probably thinks you are someone like that. So, you need to talk Maybe you are afraid because he will say some version of no like, I already bought a ring, or I don't think that is a good use of our money. You need to listen to what he is saying, and work together to make a solution that works for both of you. The outcome will fall somewhere between: I will never get you another expensive piece of jewelry ever, to yes let's go out tomorrow and pick out the ring of your dreams! But that's marriage. Give us an update once you've talked to him.

ps I think your ring is beautiful! I actually love chunkier bands because they are comfortable and sit better on the finger.

+1 x1,000,000.

Update: we are both working, so money was not an issue before and is even less so now.

 

[Indylady]

So if you still want a beautiful ring, you either need to get it yourself, or have your husband buy it for you for another significant event.

+1

Lots of options: recut, reset, or buy a new diamond altogether. It sounds to me like you want a new ring, so I would recommend buying it for yourself or asking your husband for it on your next birthday or anniversary. That way, you'll still get to keep the original engagement ring and all of the sentimentality attached to it, and you'll have a new ring to enjoy and wear too.

 

[Indylady]

Incredible.

Nobody is forcing you to wear a dang ring.

Apologies if you felt judged; PriceScope is certainly the most non-judgmental place I've experienced, so in the interest of preserving the kindness that this amazing forum epitomizes, I'll be sure not to visit this thread again.

That's pretty rude, no need to eye roll. This seems like a difficult situation for the OP, and it makes sense that one would want to wear their engagement ring, both as a piece of beautiful jewelry that signifies one's love and commitment to their partner, and also as a social signal on one's status as a married person. I can understand why OP would want to keep wearing the ring for what it signifies personally and socially even if she does not like the way the ring looks.

 

[purplesilk]

This post perfectly articulates why I can’t speak to my husband about this issue. Many men don’t understand how women feel about engagement rings, and not only that, they judge them for it.

Unfortunately, whether you love a piece of jewelery isn’t really something you can control. I have tried to appreciate it and accept it (for yeas!), but try as I might, I just don’t like it. It’s not a great feeling to be forced to wear something prominently, every day, for the rest of your life—that is meant to have so much significance and meaning—that you just don’t like. Not to mention the tremendous guilt that goes along with having these feelings, and the inability to speak up about them for fear of seeming ungrateful, spoiled, greedy, etc. Herein lies the problem.

Why do you feel forced to wear your engagement ring????? It's just an accessory, so no one can force you to wear it...I don't like my e-ring, I wore for a couple of years for your same reasons (guilty feelings for not appreciating a gift from my beloved husband who spent on the ring half of the money he spent for my mobile phone) but everytime I looked at my cheap horrid ring I felt ashamed, humiliated and guilty at the same time;most of the times I wore it upside down because I felt less imbassed by the plain portion of the ring; the resentment towards husband was growing and growing then I realized the situation was putting my marriage at risk because I always felt angry and husband felt not adequate; I simply stopped wearing my e-ring and started wearing a nice diamond band I bought my self...you can't turn back time but you can forgive someone who failed buying a gift : a ring is just a ring, it's not worth causing toxic feelings in a marriage.

Best to you,
purplesilk

 

[amoline]

That's pretty rude, no need to eye roll. This seems like a difficult situation for the OP, and it makes sense that one would want to wear their engagement ring, both as a piece of beautiful jewelry that signifies one's love and commitment to their partner, and also as a social signal on one's status as a married person. I can understand why OP would want to keep wearing the ring for what it signifies personally and socially even if she does not like the way the ring looks.

Sincerest apologies for the emoticon, then. It wasn't intended with maliciousness, but rather that nobody is physically forcing the OP to wear the ring. I've removed the offending emoticon.

As I stated before, I just wanted to leave a post for a different perspective; I did that, so apologies if anyone felt judged or otherwise from it.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

That's pretty rude, no need to eye roll. This seems like a difficult situation for the OP, and it makes sense that one would want to wear their engagement ring, both as a piece of beautiful jewelry that signifies one's love and commitment to their partner, and also as a social signal on one's status as a married person. I can understand why OP would want to keep wearing the ring for what it signifies personally and socially even if she does not like the way the ring looks.

Thank you. It is a hard situation. I appreciate the support.

 

[cmd2014]

CMD- while she did say she is a lawyer she also said it is a one-income family (she is not currently working). the attorneys I know, had big student loans, so we may not have full picture. Regardless, doesn't sound like she can at this time buy it herself.

To be fair, she did say that money wasn't an issue. That they own a home, save most of what they earn, and are able to buy cars with cash. The block seems to be emotional in that she really wants her husband to buy her a new E-ring that will epitomize everything that she wants in a ring symbolizing their love - one that will fit in well with the social circle that they live in and match up to the size and blinginess of other women's rings (a desire I am not criticizing), but she's not willing to talk to him openly about what she wants or take steps to achieve it. Sadly, as an 18 year veteran of marriage, I can say that men cannot read our minds. They don't intuitively understand what we want or need, and even sometimes with open conversations they can be dense about stuff that isn't on their radar as being a priority. Marriages really do need open, honest, and sometimes blunt communication. Hints, feeling sad and hoping they will notice, and other passive strategies will be lost on most people's partners.

But I also know (as a modest ring owner and as a spouse of someone who is *hugely* sentimental about the original ring) that sometimes small things can make a modest ring look better (halos, a different band, a new wedding band, stackers). Sometimes we use the original stone to be part of a three stone ring (use the original stone as the side stone representing the "past," get a blingtastic new center stone for the present, and get a more modest matching second side stone for the future - 0.7 carats would make a pretty fierce side stone on a 3 stone ring). Sometimes we weigh the feelings of our spouse (after having an open, honest conversation) above upgrading. In this case we might keep the smallish sentimental ring and get blinged out in other ways (like a right hand ring, anniversary band, earrings, pendants, cocktail rings, splurgy other jewelry). Sometimes, we navigate the subject of the unfortunate gift and jointly decide to exchange/upgrade/return it. But sitting and feeling sad for 5 years (1 of engagement plus 4 of marriage) and not doing anything about it isn't healthy. Not for the OP and not for her relationship with her husband. It's hard to imagine he's such an ogre that he'd blow up over a ring...but if he is, that's a whole other kettle of fish.

 

[Susan Diamonds]

Why do you feel forced to wear your engagement ring????? It's just an accessory, so no one can force you to wear it...I don't like my e-ring, I wore for a couple of years for your same reasons (guilty feelings for not appreciating a gift from my beloved husband who spent on the ring half of the money he spent for my mobile phone) but everytime I looked at my cheap horrid ring I felt ashamed, humiliated and guilty at the same time;most of the times I wore it upside down because I felt less imbassed by the plain portion of the ring; the resentment towards husband was growing and growing then I realized the situation was putting my marriage at risk because I always felt angry and husband felt not adequate; I simply stopped wearing my e-ring and started wearing a nice diamond band I bought my self...you can't turn back time but you can forgive someone who failed buying a gift : a ring is just a ring, it's not worth causing toxic feelings in a marriage.

Best to you,
purplesilk

This is exactly how I feel. Of course, no one is LITERALLY forcing me to wear my engagement ring. In fact, I’ve stopped wearing it for the most part—I simply put it on for various special occasions. However, I feel strange not wearing it, but not great wearing it, either.

Please consider the word ‘forced’ redacted. I think it’s taking away from the overall message.

Really, I just needed to vent a little, and people here are so kind and clearly understand the importance of jewelery. Over Thanksgiving, my husband and I spent the day with my step-sister, who just got engaged with an incredible ring worthy of any thread on this site. I just felt so sad after have it constantly flashed in my face. Yes, it sounds very petty and silly I know, but I just can’t help the way I feel.

 

[ABKIS]

Update: we are both working, so money was not an issue before and is even less so now.

Ok....I guess I'm having a really, really hard time understanding........

So basically your only problem is that you do not want to speak up. I'm very sorry, but I'm not sure what advice you're looking for when it seems that the only issue is that you're refusing to help yourself.

 

[ABKIS]

This is exactly how I feel. Of course, no one is LITERALLY forcing me to wear my engagement ring. In fact, I’ve stopped wearing it for the most part—I simply put it on for various special occasions. However, I feel strange not wearing it, but not great wearing it, either.

Please consider the word ‘forced’ redacted. I think it’s taking away from the overall message.

Really, I just needed to vent a little, and people here are so kind and clearly understand the importance of jewelery. Over Thanksgiving, my husband and I spent the day with my step-sister, who just got engaged with an incredible ring worthy of any thread on this site. I just felt so sad after have it constantly flashed in my face. Yes, it sounds very petty and silly I know, but I just can’t help the way I feel.

Stop.
Comparing.
Yourself.
To.
Others.

I'm gonna bow out of this thread too. You're a grown woman. Who apparently has enough money that money is not an issue. But you are still complaining about your e-ring. Buy a bangin' ass eternity band then. There are so many damn options available to you - so many posters offered advise and options. But you're refusing to see them. This is kind of your own fault. Take responsibility for your own happiness.

 

[mrs-b]

This is exactly how I feel. Of course, no one is LITERALLY forcing me to wear my engagement ring. In fact, I’ve stopped wearing it for the most part—I simply put it on for various special occasions. However, I feel strange not wearing it, but not great wearing it, either.

Please consider the word ‘forced’ redacted. I think it’s taking away from the overall message.

Really, I just needed to vent a little, and people here are so kind and clearly understand the importance of jewelery. Over Thanksgiving, my husband and I spent the day with my step-sister, who just got engaged with an incredible ring worthy of any thread on this site. I just felt so sad after have it constantly flashed in my face. Yes, it sounds very petty and silly I know, but I just can’t help the way I feel.

Please go easy with comments like this. Despite the size of my ring in my avatar, my favorite thread on this site is the 'Under 1ct rings' thread. I suspect I'm not alone on this. I'm having a .64ct solitaire made for Christmas - and my fingers are a size 7.5.

Please tell me what size your finger is. And please tell us if you have the paperwork for your original stone. If you have it can you pls scan it and post it here.

I ran your situation past my own husband as a hypothetical today, and he made a few suggestions. He wasn't wild about making it a side stone (tho I DID go down that route in the past myself, and he was ok with it because it's what I really wanted), but that made me think - why not make it the CENTER stone in a 3 stone? Most men are familiar with the concept of an eternity ring. Why not make it a 3 stone with a .35ct stone on either side? And yes, 3 stone rings are supposed to represent past, present and future, so they make a perfect wedding anniversary ring. Your ring would then be 1.4 ctw - which is a nice size ring on most fingers - especially if your fingers are slim. Which is why I asked your finger size - so post that info pls?

What is your husband's birth stone? You could always get his birth stone as a center stone, and use your e-ring as one of the side stones. 1.4 ctw of diamond side stones is pretty killer, and this would be a VERY substantial ring. If his birthstone is something like a pearl, then you're out of luck, as they can't be worn daily without damage, being too soft. But if it's sapphire - or better yet, emerald - or - heaven help us! - RUBY!! - then you've hit the jackpot.

But I just wanted to clarify - are you looking for a solution, or did you just want to vent? Because if you just wanted to vent, then we all need to stop making suggestions and just leave you be. But if you're looking for a solution, you've come to the right place! Emerald - Hallie Berry's gorgeous ring comes to mind. And as for Ruby...Jessica Simpson's bombshell can't be beaten! Sapphire? How about Kate Middleton's or Princess Beatrice's ring? And if you're lucky enough to be married to an April baby - problem solved - because that month is diamond!

And have you considered a moi et toi ring with your current diamond? They are THE BOMB, and people here love them.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/show-me-your-moi-et-toi-rings.244202/

So the first question I'd like you to answer for us is - are you looking for something to change about your situation. And I mean this realistically. Your husband isn't going to wake up one day and say to himself "Hmmm. I think I'll buy Susan a super ideal 3 ct diamond!" This is something you're going to have to drive, yourself. So - is there any scenario where you're willing to address this with him at all, or are you going to see out your days with your current e-ring on your finger? Either answer is valid, but for the sake of this thread, can you pls answer this question? Thanks!

 

[mrs-b]

Here's something you could make a move on, on your way to a three stone ring - either with a colored stone or diamond center. This is a good price for this sort of diamond.

https://loupetroop.com/listings/rings-natural-diamond-center/0-dot-74ct-d-si1-ideal-cut-rb-in-white-gold-romance-setting-size-5-dot-5

Often it's the first step men find difficult. If they can see that the project is underway - he bought a diamond, now you've bought a diamond, and you only need his birth stone for a center - he'll quite possibly come on board.

 

[purplesilk]

SIL and me got engaged the same day:BIL was in debt because he was paying a mortage both for house and wedding and nonetheless he bought her an expensive solitaire,her dream ring,after two years of dating;my husband had no debt,he had a wealthy salary and a lot of saved money...we were both in our early thirties and,after 8 years together, he bought me a miserable pave band because
1)it was the first ring he saw in the shop window
2)I' m practical and quite frugal so he thought I would have been really upset if he wasted more than 250 bucks on the engagement ring.
...dear OP stop the toxic circle, take a breath and start enjoying the gifts you can buy yourself.

 

[purplesilk]

• @Susan Diamonds : the ring your hubby bought reflects his jewellery taste NEITHER HIS LOVE NOR YOUR VALUE