Should I wear my bling in front of my modest relatives?

[kcoursolle]

Hi all, I wanted to put this out there for discussion and see what you all thought. I live in LA where the rocks are huge, but I am from the midwest where you can''t even see the diamonds because they are so small. I currently have a 3/4 carat diamond and this is somewhat on the small side for LA and on the larger side for my hometown. However, I would like to upgrade in three or four years to a 1.25-1.3 carat. So this is a long shot away, but I just wanted to bring this topic up for discussion.

Here is my problem: all of my relatives have super tiny diamonds and think that mine is already HUGE!!! I have the largest stone out of all of my relatives. My grandma has a .4 cluster setting, my aunt has a .10 carat, my mom after inheriting a stone has a .5 carat (her origional ring was just a band), and so on... Although they think my current ring is on the large side, I think I''m fine wearing my current ring, but I''m worried that if I upgrade and wear it they will think I''m absolutely crazy for upgrading so soon (even if it''s after 10 years). I''m also worried they will think I''m superficial or think that I am trying to show them up if I wear my bling. Most of my relatives back home live modest lives and have smaller incomes, and I really don''t want to make them feel bad or think that I have more money than I really have. Should I leave my rings at home during the holidays, or just wear wedding bands, or maybe if I upgrade should I put a CZ in my old setting and wear that and say nothing about an upgrade??

What do you do with your bling in front of modest relatives or friends? Thanks for your help.

 

[Dee*Jay]

We can''t tell you what to do in front of your own friends/relatives, but from your post it sounds like you might not be comfortable wearing a bigger stone in front of them. Go with your gut on this one because IMO nothing would make you more miserable than being at a family gathering and feeling out of place and self conscious about your ring.

I used to wear my original engagement ring around my family (it was a 1.33 pear with small side pears) but I knew when I upgraded to my 3.02 oval that I would not wear it around my or my hubby''s family because they would just be appaled by it!

Anyway, go with what makes *you* feel comfortable. BUT if you don''t wear any e-ring at all (i.e., after you upgrade and decide not to wear it in front of them) be prepared with an answer about where it is because they might ask.

 

[Mara]

i seriously don't understand why people worry so much about wearing their baubles around other people who may have smaller ones. just because you own a larger diamond does not make you superficial, or greedy, or trying to throw it in anyone's face. i think also how you wear the piece says something as well. if you act nervous or self-conscious etc then it draws attention to you. if you act like it's no big deal, you'd be surprised at how little people notice.

do you make other purchases based on what people would think? would you not buy a car you really liked because maybe your family or friends only drove 20 year old ford trucks? i would think not. so why all this discussion or though about a diamond or a ring? it's so silly.

do what YOU want with your money and i would hope if you got a bigger ring because YOU wanted to, you'd have the self-confidence to wear it and screw what everyone else thinks about YOUR jewelry! you don't have to flaunt it to wear it proudly. about 1/2 my friends still don't know that i upgraded, but i don't really care! if they mention it, i say something, but otherwise i am like who cares. i love it, it makes me happy, that's all that matters.

 

[ladykemma]

i am from texas land of big and many rocks.

it is common to see women with rings on multiple fingers as well as large stones.

I have midwestern relatives. when I visited last month I had (ahem)

two diamonds studs in each ear
a 1/3 carat diamond pendant
a 1/4 carat engagement ring
the ring in my avatar 2.25 CTW (the pawn shop pear)
a pave ring with 1/2 carat center stone (the canterbury junk store ring)
and a 5 stone pinky ring 5 20 pointers in a row.

all at the same time.

and they never said a word....

 

[Odilia]

kcoursolle, I agree that you shouldn''t worry about it. Like some said, they may not even notice, and if they do, but you could afford it and like it, it should be okay and if they love you they should be happy for you.
But I do know the feeling, and apparently others do too, as there are a few threads that deal with similar topics:


Do you ever feel as though your close friends feel competative about your e-rings?https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/do-you-ever-feel-as-though-your-close-friends-feel-competative-about-your-e-rings.34322/
Do your friends and family know about your love of diamonds/jewelry?
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/do-your-friends-and-family-know-about-your-love-of-diamonds-jewelry.42565/=
Size envy
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/size-envy.41905/=
Worrying about what other people think of my ring
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-my-ring.39573/=
Jealousy - do you experience it a lot?
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/jealousy-do-you-experience-it-a-lot.21654/

 

[kcoursolle]

DeeJay, Mara, you both have excellent points. It is important for me to do what I want regardless of what others think, but unfortunately it''s a bit different with family. I would feel fine in wearing anything in front of friends back home, but I feel that when it comes to family it''s a bit different. With friends I don''t feel I would ever have to justify my choices, but family is just different to me. I think when DeeJay said that her family would be disgusted with her 3 carat stones, this is how my family would feel as well. For some reason, family just matters more and I do care about what they think of me and I don''t want to offend them by wearing something large.

However, I do skimp in other areas of my life, and part of my just wants to wear whatever and be the tacky lady with big bling. If they say something, I could just reply something to the effect of "It''s an LA thing that rubbed off on me, thank god I didn''t get the car or breast obsession they have out there too..." and they might think this is funny and a little more human. Although I do worry about them thinking of me as superficial, I guess the thing that worries me the most is offending them or making them feel bad about their jewelry.

 

[kcoursolle]

Ladykemma, good for you! I have to visit texas and see some of the bling everyone talks about out there.

Old fashioned girl, thanks for those links. I will check them out. Apparently, it is something other people here worry about as well.

 

[ladykemma]

i don''t understand - how does this offend them?

 

[Dee*Jay]

Date: 7/5/2006 1:53:01 PM
Author: kcoursolle
... or making them feel bad about their jewelry.

You raise another valid point that I didn't touch on in my first post. One of the reasons I am conscious of what I wear around my family (and my hubby's family) is that I don't want them to "compare" and feel like they're coming out short.

We all work very hard for our $ and they have chosen to do whatever they want with theirs and I have chosen to do whatever I want with mine (read: buy jewelry, LOL) but I would never want them to feel bad.

 

[Mara]

kcourselle...i guess i would just hope that your actual family would know that you are not superficial and out to offend them or show them up. i mean if they are your family and they mean that much to you, wouldn't they know that is not the case?

no one in my fam has any sort of jewelry thang at all, my mom doesn't own that much jewelry and her ring is a 5 stone from the shane company purchased years ago. they think i am crazy for loving the diamonds the way i do and spending the $$, but i don't really care. they ARE my family and they love me and vice versa and adornments and material things are just that, material.

 

[SuzyQZ]

kcoursolle:
I''ve struggled with a similar dillema-- whether or not to wear my new anniversary ring in front of my husband''s family. My fear was that they will think he spends too much money on me (my ring was not nearly as expensive as it may appear). I had decided not to wear it around his family, until my husband told me that he had already told his mother (and therefore his entire family) about my new ring. Well, the cat being out-of-the-bag so to speak, there was no need to hide it. He was proud about it, so I was proud too. I do feel self-conscious sometimes, depending on the situation and the company I''m in. But so far, I''ve worn my rings everyday, nothing has impressed enough upon me not to (yet?)

 

[kcoursolle]

Mara, Ladykemma, I do agree that my family would love me no matter what. I''m definitely not worried about that. I guess offend is not a great choice of words, but more along the lines of making them feel bad that they have less. I know not everyone would be worried about this, but I would never want anyone to feel bad about what they have because of my ring.

SuzyQZ, beautiful ring by the way!! It''s interesting that you were not going to wear your ring in front of your husband''s family, and it turned out fine. It is definitely possible that I''m overexaggerating my families feelings as well. It''s also possible, that their feelings might blow over after a while.

 

[jewelryjunkie]

I think I''m in the minority here, but I''d wear a different ring when visiting my relatives if I thought it was going to be an issue.

I see nothing wrong with altering one''s attire to the occasion. I wear different clothes and jewelry to work than I do when I''m hanging out with friends. In an ideal world we would be able to wear anything we want anytime, anywhere but we don''t live in an ideal world.

If you truely think your family isn''t going to understand or won''t be happy for you and your beautiful ring, I wouldn''t wear it. Why submit your ring to that kind of negative energy? To me the point of visiting family is to get to know them and share with them. If you think wearing your ring will put up a barrier or keep you from enjoying your visit, don''t wear it.

My ring is only half a carat and it is the biggest in my family. If I had anything over a carat I would never wear it when visiting them because they''d really disapprove of how I''d spent my money. But that won''t keep me from buying it, just wearing it around them. Their loss.

Good luck with your dilema, you''re not alone.

 

[decodelighted]

Don''t hide your light, or your bling, under a barrel!

When you assume folks will feel badly about their own jewelry after seeing something bigger/nicer ... you''re actually pitying them IMO. And assuming that they share your own insecurities or competitiveness.

Sure we care what our families think of us ... but is the purchase of diamonds *really* a character flaw? And does the extent of this flaw go up by carat size or mm?

 

[SuzyQZ]

Date: 7/5/2006 1:53:01 PM
Author: kcoursolle
DeeJay, Mara, you both have excellent points. It is important for me to do what I want regardless of what others think, but unfortunately it''s a bit different with family. I would feel fine in wearing anything in front of friends back home, but I feel that when it comes to family it''s a bit different. With friends I don''t feel I would ever have to justify my choices, but family is just different to me. I think when DeeJay said that her family would be disgusted with her 3 carat stones, this is how my family would feel as well. For some reason, family just matters more and I do care about what they think of me and I don''t want to offend them by wearing something large.

However, I do skimp in other areas of my life, and part of my just wants to wear whatever and be the tacky lady with big bling. If they say something, I could just reply something to the effect of ''It''s an LA thing that rubbed off on me, thank god I didn''t get the car or breast obsession they have out there too...'' and they might think this is funny and a little more human. Although I do worry about them thinking of me as superficial, I guess the thing that worries me the most is offending them or making them feel bad about their jewelry.

Many of my friends/family, have purchased new luxury cars, have remodeled their homes, gone on expensive vacations and cruises, etc. I don''t have a new car (it''s 12 years old) I don''t have a new or remodled home (i''ve lived in the same house for 17 years), our family vacations are fun but modest and our kids college educations are paid for, so whatever was spent on my ring, is NOTHING compared to their recent purchases. People associate diamonds as a luxury purchase, but don''t realize that by comparison to the items I''ve mentioned above, they are significantly smaller $$$ investments. It''s all in how you chose to spend your "extra" piece of the pie. Not many of us have it all, but we all do have some!

 

[mrssalvo]

I understand how you feel. I'm from the midwest and my in-laws are very modest too. I just went from a 1 carat to a 1.5 and although I'm sure it will be a little weird, if they really even notice, I will wear it b/c I know my hubby worked hard to purchase it for me. If you really think it will bother them, no harm in not wearing them just out of respect

 

[SuzyQZ]

Date: 7/5/2006 2:12:43 PM
Author: kcoursolle
Mara, Ladykemma, I do agree that my family would love me no matter what. I''m definitely not worried about that. I guess offend is not a great choice of words, but more along the lines of making them feel bad that they have less. I know not everyone would be worried about this, but I would never want anyone to feel bad about what they have because of my ring.

SuzyQZ, beautiful ring by the way!! It''s interesting that you were not going to wear your ring in front of your husband''s family, and it turned out fine. It is definitely possible that I''m overexaggerating my families feelings as well. It''s also possible, that their feelings might blow over after a while.

I think everyone has something, maybe not a new ring, but they have an extravagance somewhere, a new car, new/remodeled home, pool/jacuzzi, great vacation, etc. Just maybe not a new diamond. Diamonds get a bad rap. If you feel self conscious, just talk up the items your family has, it will remind them that they too are blessed and as you are happy for them, they should be happy for you.

 

[ephemery1]

Maybe it's just because I'm in a city currently, but I can honestly say I have yet to feel self-conscious about the size of my ring (1.5ct center)... even when I return to my hometown where people aren't quite as bling-conscious. If anything, I feel like people back home don't even notice it, because jewelry is just not where their priorities are... does that make sense? If anything, people will occasionally comment on it being sparkly, but I don't think the average person knows enough about size to really even estimate how big it might be... if they cared enough to do so.

Funny story: Back when we were making the ring decisions, I told my mom we were going with a "big-ass" oval center (just because it faced up so much bigger than others we'd considered) and she relayed that to one of her friends... a sweet, softspoken, little southern lady. Upon hearing Mom's description, the friend paused, then commented in her soft, gentle drawl, "You know what? If I had to do it all over again, I think I'd go for a big-ass ring myself!" Hehe... makes me smile every time I think about it.

ETA: Moral of the story, I agree with Deco... if they're judging you for how you spend your money, that's their business... but you don't need to alter your own style/preferences to accomodate their judgments. But if you're just feeling bad because you think THEY feel bad about not measuring up... you might be projecting your own feelings onto them. In actuality, they may not notice the size at all... OR they may be thinking "you go, girl!" just like my Mom's lovely little southern friend.

 

[swingirl]

I think your idea of having a CZ set in your old setting is very appropriate. You only see them occasionally and if you know it will make them uncomfortable to see your flashy bling than who can it hurt to keep it a non-subject by going a tiny bit out of your way to switch rings for a few days.

 

[Odilia]

It''s funny because these kinds of topics do come up from time to time, and I''ve seen several mention, ''why do diamonds always get a bad rap?'' If someone has a different sort of luxury, it''s no big deal, but when the luxury is a diamond, somehow it gets a sort of attention. This came to my mind recently because we''ve been helping an elderly relative who never married, and she recently gave me a beautiful fur coat. I am sure that when I go to wear it, people will be like, "wow, must be nice to have money." (or - you killed those poor muskrats!) And it''s like - NO, we got it for free, and even the relative who gave it, she never had much or spent much, was single, lived with (and took care of in her dying years) her mother, so never had to buy a house or furniture, and was always very frugal, so it''s not like she didn''t deserve one little luxury in her life. But probably even more than diamonds, a fur coat will probably scream "luxury! I''ve got money! - or - I spend money frivolously!" It is strange how unfair people''s perceptions can be. Others may spend many thousands over time on the above-mentioned vacations, etc., not to mention ongoing expenses like cigarettes, cable TV, etc... but it isn''t thought of to be a luxury the same way.

 

[lizzyd]

Hi kcoursolle,

Do they adjust their lives when you come to visit for fear that you will be judging them?

Another way to look at it is: you are being yourself. You have a love for beautifully cut diamonds and jewlery. I consider it no different than a passion for any other type of art form. The way you express yourself, your hair, clothes, makeup, house, car, etc.

Have you bought any of these things with the idea in mind that you would like to outdo your relatives? Or that you would like to make them feel badly about themselves? (of course you haven''t, but I''m getting to my point).

If you bought these things to give yourself pleasure, then you are not putting out a negative vibe. If you wearing this stuff around your relatives makes them feel badly about themselves or their lives, then I''d say it their stuff, not yours. It''s good to be sensitive to the feelings of others, but not at the expense of giving away a piece of yourself.

If anyone has the "you know what''s" to critisize you out loud, I think you have a really good response lined up.. It''s the truth, it lets you wear your bling, and it diffuses the situation with humor.

You never know, you could end up converting some family members to our obsession. There are some very pretty 1/4 and 1/3 H&A diamonds that make nice gifts for family too. You could always butter them up that way.

I say, if you really want to wear them, then you should!

Best,
LizzyD

 

[KristyDarling]

Intellectually I can understand why we shouldn''t feel uncomfortable wearing big bling around others. I strive to be the "I am woman hear me roar" modern, independent woman who doesn''t allow what others think to dictate her actions. But, the dynamics of some relationships - esp. family relationships - can be pretty complicated. Personally, I''d never wear my 3-stone ring around my family...all of whom are die-hard midwesterners. They are extremely conservative and frugal, and just wouldn''t understand. It would bother me to know that they are shaking their heads behind my back. I don''t think they''d feel jealous, but they''d probably wonder why in the world I am throwing that kind of money at a "useless" bauble, especially when I have 2 small children to raise.

In the end, I''d rather have peace of mind and wear big bling when I''m not around family, than bother with making a statement and wearing it around them, knowing what they''re probably thinking. Call me avoidant or lazy, but it''s easier to just not have to deal with it or worry about it.

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 7/5/2006 2:41:50 PM
Author: KristyDarling
They are extremely conservative and frugal, and just wouldn''t understand. It would bother me to know that they are shaking their heads behind my back. I don''t think they''d feel jealous, but they''d probably wonder why in the world I am throwing that kind of money at a ''useless'' bauble, especially when I have 2 small children to raise.

Hmmm... so maybe this really is two separate issues. I can understand in Kristy''s case where you REALLY might not feel comfortable knowing they were judging you behind your back, so preferred to avoid it altogether. As for whether the correct approach is avoidance or confrontation, that is a TOTALLY different issue... and I know sometimes you just have to pick your battles!

But as for the issue of whether relatives might feel "shown up", I think that could be a case of the ring-owner''s hypersensitivity (not necessarily you, Kcoursolle... I know you were being hypothetical!). Personally, I know plenty of people with bigger rings than mine, and don''t feel at all offended by it. And when I first got engaged, my aunt actually begged for me to send her a ring pic on her camera phone so she could have it with her at all times to show her friends! Maybe I''m just naive/lucky, but in my experience, even friends and relatives with smaller rings have been nothing but excited about my new sparkly.

 

[SuzyQZ]

Date: 7/5/2006 2:36:08 PM
Author: old-fashioned girl
This came to my mind recently because we''ve been helping an elderly relative who never married, and she recently gave me a beautiful fur coat. I am sure that when I go to wear it, people will be like, ''wow, must be nice to have money.'' (or - you killed those poor muskrats!) And it''s like - NO, we got it for free, and even the relative who gave it, she never had much or spent much, was single, lived with (and took care of in her dying years) her mother, so never had to buy a house or furniture, and was always very frugal, so it''s not like she didn''t deserve one little luxury in her life. But probably even more than diamonds, a fur coat will probably scream ''luxury! I''ve got money! - or - I spend money frivolously!'' It is strange how unfair people''s perceptions can be. Others may spend many thousands over time on the above-mentioned vacations, etc., not to mention ongoing expenses like cigarettes, cable TV, etc... but it isn''t thought of to be a luxury the same way.

Don''t want to highjack or go OT too much, but I was recently offered a brand new full length mink coat that has been sitting in a closet unused for years. Price $500, the original owner paid thousands! I didn''t want to buy it because I was afraid that people would think exactly what you''ve posted. And for the PETA members sensitivities, this isn''t a new purchase that generates a market for killing the poor little minks, they are already in this coat, someone is going to buy it, why not me? Isn''t this like recycling/reusing a perfectly good coat? I''m seriously thinking of getting it, but am hoping I have the nerve to wear it, (i.e., people don''t throw red paint at me or give me dirty looks). It''s beautiful, but I''m still on the fence.

 

[eleguin]

I can relate to your situation. My fiance and I both come from families where most of the women in our parents'' generation did not have diamonds and most of the women in our generation had diamonds on the small side. I have not been to a family gathering since we got engaged 2 months ago so I''m not sure how self-conscious I would be yet. I might be a little more self-conscious around his family. They spend money on luxury goods like cars and TVs, but they definitely have the mentality that you shouldn''t spend so much on something that they think "just sits there and serves no purpose." Obviously we don''t agree with that mentality, so he bought me a nice 2 ct ring. He told his parents my ring cost 1/5 of what he actually paid so they wouldn''t freak out. Even at 1/5 of the price, his mom said that he overpaid and the money should be better spent on a house or something practical.

But as a general matter, I am not bothered when I am around people with smaller stones than mine. It doesn''t mean that you are superficial or greedy. Everyone spends money on different things. Some might indulge in cars, others in vacations, etc. But I do think it might be a little different in front of the future in-laws. Obviously I wouldn''t want to seem too proud of it.

 

[allycat0303]

Well I live in Montreal, and in french community, engagement rings are non-existent. If I were to get a huge upgrade. Let''s say a 3 carat stone. I would wear it because frankly 95% of people I meet (and my boyfriend''s family, who couldn''t care less about rings) would NEVER notice.People that think it''s a waste of money/appalled, aren''t checking to see if you bought new bling because a) they think it''s a waste of money b) therefore haven''t spent time reseraching etc.

The average person isn''t spending any time looking at your bling. Diamond obsessed people are different, and are constantly turning their heads to get a look (Guilty!!!

)

Example: I''m not into watches. Have never noticed them, and couldn''t tell you what brand ANYONE wears. Unless they tell me, "Oh I bought a Tag, gucci," whatever. Then I notice. So wear it, answer questions if asked, but don''t say, "I got an upgrade"if you don''t want them to notice.

 

[SoonIHope]

I agree with ephemery - if I were in a situation like Kristy''s, I would probably avoid it, but I would wear it proudly if my only concern was potentially hurting people''s feelings.

I''m from North Carolina, but I''ve been living in NYC for a number of years now, so my internalized feeling about ring sizes is entirely New York. My friends here have a 1.5ct and a couple ~1cts so that seemed normal to me, even though I see a LOT of significantly larger AND smaller stones on a daily basis. I told my then-boyfriend my ideal size would be just under a carat for the savings you get that way, but he wanted to be able to say it was a carat, so he ended up getting me a 1.08, which is a totally uneventful size in NYC. But then when I went back to North Carolina, I was reeeally surprised how much attention it got! My friend who inherited her choice of a .8 or a 1.5 and chose the smaller one because "1.5 would be wayyyy too gaudy" got really jealous and bitter until I was like "ummm, you could have had a larger stone than this FOR FREE" but then that just made her bitter that her fiance inherited the stone because MY fiance actually had to spend money on it! So that was an awkward little interaction there.

And I''ve felt a little bit weird around her since then ring-wise, but she''s a very laid back practical person 99% of the time, so I''m pretty sure she''s never thought about it again, but still. That was totally rambling and not the actual story I wanted to tell, oops!

But with regard to family: we got engaged when we were staying with 18 members of my extended family for Christmas, so the second we came back into the house to announce the engagement, everyone was all over it. Since it was pretty close to what I had been expecting (only far more gorgeous of course

) I thought it was a good size (pleased it was larger than I''d expected too!) and was happily showing it off to everyone........when I realized NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON of those 18 (all married/engaged except for one 10 year old cousin and a baby) had gotten engaged with a diamond, not even a teensy one. So then I started feeling kind of weird....like I was showing it off too much or whatever. But by then it was too late since everyone already knew and was gushing over it, and no one was remotely judgmental (to me at least!) and everyone was just impressed I had such a beautiful ring and examining the sparkles and the pave since they hadn''t ever seen one like that before. So even though I definitely had a moment''s hesitation of "is this weird to be showing off my fancy big ring in front of them" they all seemed to be 100% happy for me and enjoyed looking at the diamond and that''s about all there was to it!

So I would say, if the reason you don''t want to wear it is because you''re worried they''ll feel bad about their own rings and wish they had more - then WEAR IT!!!

 

[diamondfan]

Kcour, I think it is very aware of you to have sensitivity, BUT that being said, if it is YOUR family I say be yourself, wear it proudly and just be honest and sincere when complimented. To me, anyone who would have the insensitivity or bad taste to insult you or make you feel bad when you are together should just be ignored, chalk it up to jealousy or insecurity. Now, I did not always feel that way about my husband''s family. My mother in law is British and grew up in England during the blitz. Needless to say, she went without many things, from the basic to the more friviolous. Even when any years had passed and she has been in the US, she had some struggles financially when my FIL was having career issues. She is simply not someone to comprehend what things cost or to understand that my love of diamonds or designer clothes is but ONE part of me and is not at all the sum total of my being. And it is not even that she would have a sense of what an X carat stone of Y quality would cost, she simply does not get it. Nor does she own many expensive items of clothing or accessories. nFor years I used to scale down what I had when she came to see us after we moved East, thinking it was just easier than explaining things or feeling weird. My sister in law, who is successful but spends her money differently, knows the cost of things but has made different choices, fine by me...I do not judge your habits, so please do not judge mine...and now, I figure, this is part of me, and I am just going to be and do what is comfy, not FOR any effect or impact, just being me. If I want to scale down, I do, if I do not, I don''t...and hope people are judging me for me, my thoughts and comments and values, versus how big my stone is or what my handbag cost...

 

[Ellen]

kcoursolle, I understand exactly how you feel. After getting my upgrade, I was not going to wear it in front of my brother. Financially, he is not quite where we are, not that we''re rich, but you know. He bought his wife a Saphire ring for xmas, at Walmart. He looked at a fine jewelers here in town, but couldn''t/or wouldn''t spend the money. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel as if his ring was less. He gave it with love, and that''s what counts.

Unfortunately, my mother''s getting forgetful and spilled the beans. The next time I saw him, I acted as if I had my old ring on, and he didn''t say a word. I was grateful.

I don''t think any of us can answer this one, just follow your heart.

 

[sanfranciscoellen]

I think I''d wear it and say with an innocent wide-eyed look, "Isn''t it amazing what they are doing with simulated diamonds these days?" since they are probably already wondering anyway!