Worrying about what other people think of my ring

[roxy7]

Well, the title says it all. How can I stop the worrying?

Boyfriend made me promise not to talk to any of my sisters or friends about the engagement ring choosing process. To be honest, he inherited a stone (pics will be coming soon) that is over 1.5 carats. It is a beautiful stone. So, I got to choose my own setting. Well, I just gravitate towards the three-sided pave and milgrain types (think art of platinum). It''s just what I love, especially for an antique ring.

We''ve finally met with the person who will set it. The person, whose artistic preferences I trust SO much, said that doing it without a halo would not do the stone justice. He said a thin halo would be the difference between a "really nice" ring and an "absoluely stunning" ring. We also considered the whole shrinkage factor. We decided to go with the halo -- so it''s going to look even bigger!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, at this point in my life, I know a lot of people who have gotten engaged. Almost everyone has plain solitaries, around a carat. These are not really small rings, but mine will be a lot bigger. I feel like mine is going to be the most extravagant of all my friends and family. I am afraid it will elicit comments of "it''s too big" or "it''s gaudy" behind my back.

Boyfriend says that I should stop worrying already. He said to tell them he picked it out by himself. He''s worried that I am so worried about what other people think.

Can anyone offer me help here? Should I just look to the long term and realize that, with shrinkage, it will be perfect? I''m really interested just to hear people'' reactions.

I know, if this is my only problem, I am a very lucky gal indeed. I don''t want to sound spoiled -- that''s the whole point of the thread, that I am worried about people thinking that, I guess.

 

[eks6426]

I would just tell them it is an inherited stone and your boyfriend used the money he saved by not having to buy a diamond to buy a really fancy setting because he knew how much you''d love it.

 

[ame]

Who cares what everyone else thinks? Tell them it''s an inherited ring and you lovei

 

[Dee Jay]

I really like Island Dream's answer. That way you don't have to bear the "guilt" (or whatever would be the right emotion) of having a big diamond and the boyfriend still gets credit because of the great setting. JMHO...

P.S. - And don't forget to post pics--it sounds stunning!

 

[Caribou]

1.5 is a nice size diamond...but also a common size for an engagment ring. I really wouldn't worry about comments you get in regards to the size. If they are negative, I would chaulk it up as envy.

Although, I have to admit..my friend's e-ring is a 1ct emerald cut. But it looks smaller...I don't know if it's the rest of the ring that makes it look smaller or maybe the cut of it but I'd hoped that mine wouldn't look that small. Horrible I know. It is a lovely ring, but I still wonder if she's not 'rounding off'.

 

[bookworm21]

There will always be other people out there who will say mean stuff about your ring. It''s envy. Your ring sounds like it''s going to be beautiful, so enjoy it for what it represents. Your real friends and family will be more than happy for you. It''s the "frenemies" and catty people who will make comments like that, and their opinions shouldn''t matter at all.

That said, IslandDreams response is also a really good one.

 

[Kaleigh]

I also like what Island Dreams said. I would wear it with pride. Can''t wait to see it!!!

 

[moon river]

Date: 2/1/2006 4:37:47 PM
Author: Cinderella
There will always be other people out there who will say mean stuff about your ring. It''s envy. Your ring sounds like it''s going to be beautiful, so enjoy it for what it represents. Your real friends and family will be more than happy for you. It''s the ''frenemies'' and catty people who will make comments like that, and their opinions shouldn''t matter at all.

That said, IslandDreams response is also a really good one.

EXACTLY!!!! Some people who are unhappy w/their own lives will try to burst your balloon no matter what your ring is like. Be happy that FH loves you enough to give you a stone from his family and loves you enough to want it personalized for yourself and to heck w/what others think!!BTW Cinderella, I''ve tried to explain the whole ''frenemies'' concept to my 14 year old daughter and she rolls her eyes and says there is no such word. I even had her watch the Sex & The City rerun that introduced us to frenemies and she said''That''s just a show, no one really talks that way'' HA! Wait til she gets home. I''m showing her your post!!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/1/2006 4:19:31 PM
Author: ame
Who cares what everyone else thinks?

Worth repeating. I''ve never understood why people worry so much about what other people think.
People who love you will be delighted for you. People who don''t know you.....they don''t know you, so why does what they think matter?

 

[ame]

Exactly what I keep thinking. Everytime I come back and see this thread I just think...what kind of jerk has any right to have a negative say in your ring and what you like. Seriously...it's YOUR ring. If you like it, screw them. If someone came up to me and gave me sh!t for having what I have Id tell em to stick it in their ear and push.

 

[roxy7]

Thanks people. I feel a lot better about it.

As for caring about what other people think, I guess that just comes back to me being a really overly-sensitive person who is always thinking about what the other person is thinking or feeling. It''s kind of like a good quality taken to such an extreme that is becomes a bad quality, because it breeds insecurity.

Some people will think it is huge. but he got the stone for free and I like the setting. That alone should be a good enough reason for me not to feel badly about it. If people want to talk badly about it, it is more of a reflection on them than on me.

I can''t wait to show you all pictures of the new setting, but it will be months before I get it. However, I will post pictures of it in the old setting hopefully this week.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 2/1/2006 5:12:46 PM
Author: roxy7
Thanks people. I feel a lot better about it.

As for caring about what other people think, I guess that just comes back to me being a really overly-sensitive person who is always thinking about what the other person is thinking or feeling. It''s kind of like a good quality taken to such an extreme that is becomes a bad quality, because it breeds insecurity.

Some people will think it is huge. but he got the stone for free and I like the setting. That alone should be a good enough reason for me not to feel badly about it. If people want to talk badly about it, it is more of a reflection on them than on me.

I can''t wait to show you all pictures of the new setting, but it will be months before I get it. However, I will post pictures of it in the old setting hopefully this week.

That is very insightful of you roxy! I think it all comes down to that fact that people are wired a certain way and we have to perform a balancing act to keep it all in perspective. Ultimately what someone else thinks or says about your ering is only saying something about themselves. If you love it, that''s all that matters. Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!

Heather

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I know how you feel.. My diamond is not large by PS standards it seems, but it's a decent size (0.75 carats). However, when I went with my fiance to attend a friend's wedding in his hometown, I ran into the situation you described. I met all of his friends from high school for the first time and about half of them were married. They actually kept commenting on how big my ring was, and not in a good way it seemed. They all looked at it like it was gaudy or something. And their diamonds were smaller (largest I saw was like 0.25 carats). Maybe it was just the region or the fact that we were in Amish country, I don't know. I felt awful. But my fiance said not to worry about it and that he's proud of the ring he chose for me, I should care about whether I love it, not whether others love it. I'd have to advise them same to you. Can't wait to see some pictures!

 

[MissAva]

I wouldnt worry about it too much, I have been asked several times if my stone was a full 3/4 carat. Or where I found such a lovely half carat stone. I just smile and say I was blessed with a thoughtful FH. Some people will be catty but why worry, you are spending the rest of your life with FH, not them.

 

[FireGoddess]

Why don''t you let me wear it for awhile and I''ll let you know what people around me say?

Seriously - I think ID had a very nice reponse to your question. There will always be people around that think what you have is too much or too little, too this or too that. What matters is whether nor not you love what you have - and I certainly would if I were in your shoes!

 

[WTNLVR]

When I tell people my 1.5 ct is my grandmothers stone they don''t say a word other than how lovely it is. Just enjoy it. I think It''s neat to have an inherited stone

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Roxy,

Gosh, I have been married a really long time but have exactly the same problem! My husband is getting me a new diamond ring for our anniversary. The stone we are looking at was a really good deal and costs less than some comparable smaller stones we looked at. It came yesterday and it is 1.66 cts. and 7.6 mm in diameter (H VS1). My current diamond is 1 ct. and 6.5mm, so there is a very visible difference. No one who is a friend of mine would ever say anything mean at all. But I do worry a little about them thinking that I am materialistic, etc., when I really am not. (I would sort of worry about what my in-laws would think, too!) We certainly wouldn''t do it if we couldn''t afford to pay for it. And in a way, I feel like we have worked hard and have been wise with our spending over the years and that does allow us to do some nice things now and then. I like everything about this diamond except that I am concerned about the size. Most people I know have under 1 ct. If I went up to 1.3 instead, I doubt many people would even notice, but then that would hardly be worth doing!

In your case, the fact that the stone is an heirloom really lets you off the hook!

(I also love the antique settings with engraving and milgrain! Mine won''t have a halo, though.)

Maybe we can have our own support group for those of us who don''t have anyone who appreciates our jewelry!

 

[Mara]

there was another thread about this, i forget what it was called but it was like 5 pages or something! basically the same thing, being self-conscious about your ring. if anyone remembers the name maybe they can cross link so you can see the other responses.

personally i say WHO CARES what others think and that is pretty much how i am in general. wear and buy what makes you happy! life is too short to be worrying about what the other people in the world are thinking or saying about you. most negative comments are jealousy anyway!

i am going to upgrade my stone again this year and i''m sure we will hear it from a bunch of people that i am already 2c+ on our 2nd year of marriage etc etc. when i mentioned this to greg, aka like what would his family think, would i seem greedy etc.... he was like don''t worry about it, it will make you happy and you deserve it. so i thought well if HE doesn''t think i''m a spoiled nutcase (or at least won''t admit it to my face!!) then who cares what other people think!!

design and enjoy the ring of your dreams!!

 

[MINE!!]

DO NOT worry what others will think. Your ring has a personality and that is what is really important. Besides, i think that halos are FAB U LOUS!!! So not to worry in the least!!! Sure, consider shrinkage.. but consider YOU too. WHO cares what others think really. You can;t let them decide what is the right thing for you!!

Remember... no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

 

[glaucomflecken]

I dont have much to add that hasn''t already been said, but I agree that while it is very honorable of you to be concerned about the feelings of others in life, sometimes its ok to indulge yourself and not care a hooey about what others think! This is one time in your life (engagement and wedding period) that you are ALLOWED to be spoiled and have all the attention on YOU, so revel in that! If you will enjoy the ring, thats all that matters right? There will be people who will be jealous no doubt, even some of the ones who love you and are truly happy for you may be jealous, but its human nature. And when someone else has something you (in general) desire, its just natural to feel envious and some people try to justify their own feelings by putting you down, etc. or projecting their own insecurities on others. As long as you don''t go around showing off and flaunting, you have no responsibility for how others react to and feel about your ring.

Truly, you''re not around others all the time and they will not be obsessing about your ring all the time either. But YOU will be around it all the time so YOU might as well enjoy it! You go girl!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/1/2006 6:53:04 PM
Author: Mara

so i thought well if HE doesn't think i'm a spoiled nutcase (or at least won't admit it to my face!!) ......

He does think you're a nutcase, but he's afraid of you.....I'm afraid of you, too.

HAHAHAHA - Kidding. Of course you deserve it, and of course, he's great to say so!

 

[decodelighted]

"You''d worry a lot less about what people thought about you if you realized how seldomly they DID."

I think that sums it up. People who are your real friends and really like you for you won''t give a WHIT about your ring other than the fact you''re happy with it.

"Frenemies" show do tend to reveal themselves at times like this -- you might not like what you find out about some folks ... but they weren''t REALLY your friends anyway.

 

[pearcrazy]

I have nothing to add except that I WISH I had your problem!!

 

[rms]

I once saw a quote that said:
"Don''t worry about what other people are thinking about you, because they are probably not thinking about you"

I always remember that quote when I have to be on a beach

Granted, some folks may truly look at your lovely ring and be thinking about it, but as everyone said as long as you are happy with it, whether they are happy with it makes no difference.

I can''t wait to see it. Congrats!

 

[MelissaSue]

I had this same situation. My ring is MUCH bigger than most of my friends rings..although not that big in reality.. and it was an inherited center stone... which is the only reason I have such a nice ring..

When I first got engaged it was somewhat awkward, because people would make sort of odd remarks about how big it was and stuff.. and I didn''t know whether or not to tell them it was an inherited stone.. Usually I didn''t.. because they dont'' need to know. Its not any of thier business.. but.. sometimes people would ask certain questions or make comments that made me compelled to tell them, either because I felt bad, or because I felt like they were getting the wrong idea.

Its nothing to worry about.. no one will think bad of you either way.. And its not any of thier business.. I think the only way to handle it is as the situation comes up.. I wouldn''t run around telling people "oh.. we didn''t buy this stone.." but then again.. I woudln''t not tell someone if I thought they were thinking the wrong thing.. you know?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Mara, I think the thread was called "does anyone every feel guilty about e-ring" or something like that. I feel uncomfortable when people gush about my ring. I know I shouldn''t but sometimes I can''t help it. People grab my hand all the time. It doesn''t help that I look like I am 16. I am hoping I will get used to it. I just think it is important to remember that it was given to you out of love. No matter what, someone is always going to be snotty but they probably are just jealous. Enjoy your ring. I think 1.5 ct is a lovely size and I cannot wait to see hand shots!!!

 

[sluke]

Who cares what others think? The diamond sounds beautiful, and it is a given with much love and consideration. Also remember it a matter of perspective. For some, 1.5 ct is huge, for others, it is small, and some find it the perfect size!

Congratulations and wear in good health!

 

[kaylagee]

Sounds like it''s going to be amazing! it only matters that you love it. You''ll learn that you simply cannot win w/ or please everyone. It''s all so personal(aesthetics) really. Yes, it''s sorta fun when people agree and cheer what you love but that should just be icing.

Please don''t hide your ring under a bushel (LOL!) just because someone may be catty towards you/behind your back. With that kind of envious loser.. if it''s not your jewelry, they''ll be barking about something else.

Looking forward to seeing it!

 

[blodthecat]

''What will people think?''

Who are these people? Do they pay your electricity bill? Do they pay your rent? Do they fill your car with gas every week?

Exactly....so why do you care what they think.

If people are jealous, and talk behind your back....are these the people whose opinion counts to you!

Absolutely not! Stop worrying and start living!

Get that rock on your finger and enjoy it! I can''t wait to see the hand shots!

blod

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Hi! I agree with your fiancee'' - don''t waste your time worrying about what others think. If anyone does make a snide comment about your ring, just smile and say "Then it''s fortunate that you don''t have to wear it."