Should I wear my bling in front of my modest relatives?

[Ellen]

Date: 7/5/2006 6:38:26 PM
Author: wallermama
I think I''d wear it and say with an innocent wide-eyed look, ''Isn''t it amazing what they are doing with simulated diamonds these days?'' since they are probably already wondering anyway!

 

[diamondsrock]

I know I''m in the minority here but I would have a hard time wearing a large rock around my family. They are very conservative and frown upon spending money on things like diamonds. To be honest, they dislike jewelry for the most part. Therefore I''d feel uncomfortable the whole time. Not worth the effort for me. Of course I''m self conscious by nature and not the most self confident person so that wouldn''t help either...

 

[mia15]

This is an interesting topic!

My most rational self thinks that if they''re inclined to judge you by your possessions, most likely they have already come to some sort of conclusion by now about your spending habits and your financial situation, and a new diamond purchase wouldn''t sway their opinion all that much either way.

On the other hand, if they''re more open minded, I''m sure you don''t need to excuse yourself or try to reflect their values.

As for random people who don''t know you but are inclined to make judgements about you based on your jewelry, it''s not like they''re going to stop there! They''re going to criticize you for stuff so random you couldn''t possibly begin to imagine it if you tried.


No matter what you decide, I hope you enjoy your upgrade.

 

[kcoursolle]

Thanks for everyones comments about this. I hope everyone knows I''m not going to be upgrading soon though! Probably another three or four years since I just got it, but I suppose you never know with pricescope just a click away. I''m sure you guys will wear me down eventually.

It is something I think about pretty frequently though and I was curious how you all felt about it. It seems like there is some substantial variation about how people would handle it. I''m not sure exactly what I will do in the future (if and when I do upgrade), but I think I will probably wear it. I think I''ll just come up with a couple of quick and witty comments that keep the future comments down without bringing too much attention to it.

 

[Mara]

you never know, by the time you upgrade you may have converted some family members into bling lovers and then it won''t be such a big deal!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

OH, gosh, this is my problem, too. Except I worry about wearing the ring in my own town! I want an upgrade but am having trouble deciding the size! I have a 1 ct. now. A 1.3 stone hardly seems any larger, but a 1.5 or 1.6 seems really huge! I know almost no one in my daily life with a stone that large. So I can sympathize completely. My family would be excited about the ring, but I''d be afraid my husband''s parents might think it is a bit superficial or greedy. If it were a car, then they''d think my husband could enjoy it as well.

 

[diamondfan]

I think we are all capable of anticipating reactions and things from people that are not necessarily what will happen in real life. I have always been a girly girl and love make up and clothes and bling, and my sister in law is the total opposite. She teases me about it sometimes and I tease her too, but we just accept that we are different, and different things matter to us. I also feel that at the end of the day, as long as you can afford it and you pay your bills and take care of what needs to be taken care of (you are not neglecting something vital to pay for diamonds), then it is really YOUR decision. I am sure you will just see how you feel at the time and go with it...

Not that your family would do this, but...I just wish people would stop the criticizing and judging just because they would spend their money in another way. It would be a lot simpler if people just said, I am happy for you! Enjoy it in good health" and moved on to another topic...life is too short to be so petty and meanspirited...

 

[FireGoddess]

I have learned, over and over it seems lately, that life is too precious and short to worry what other people think of you and why they think it. If the ring brings you joy, wear it and don''t be self conscious about it. That''s what really matters.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

There''s an old saying: "Love me, love my dog."

I firmly believe that jewelry, handbags, etc. should be worn and enjoyed everywhere. If the people around you resent it, it''s their problem.

 

[ephemery1]

One more thing to consider, specifically for Kcoursolle... using very rough averages, a 1.3ct RB is only ONE mm (!!) larger in diameter than a .75ct RB. Unless your relatives are extremely interested/educated in diamonds, I really can''t imagine they would notice a different of one extra millimeter on your ring finger. And if they ARE that diamond-savvy... most likely they''d be like the rest of us PSers and be happy for you! So maybe no cause for concern after all...

 

[Allisonfaye]

I can relate to this. Since we have gotten married, my husband and my financial situation has improved. I have purchased a few pieces of jewelry since then and I almost always feel self conscious around family, both his and mine. I told my sister I was changing my setting but never mentioned the diamond upgrade at all. She never even noticed. I didn''t even tell her about my ruby ring or diamond bracelet and don''t wear it when she comes over. When she complains about money, I just listen. We never tell any of them much about our vacations (other than where we go). In a way, it is sad because my husband has done very well in his career but he can''t tell his family much about it. In the beginning, he might mention that he got to fly first class (not to brag but just because he thought it was fun) but I stopped him from doing that because I just felt like it was rubbing it in their face. He now agrees.

Most of our extended family live on modest incomes and worry about money so I just really try NOT to discuss money or things with them for the very reasons that you mention.

I think you have to do what makes you comfortable (and your family too) and you are thoughtful for considering it.

 

[conitta]

Honey...I say ware them.It should not be any of their business.I wouldn''t give it another thought.You got it wear it!!!

 

[Julian]

You are considerate! I''d say wear it and be happy!

But then I thought of how we don''t wear our bling when we volunteer, ya know? Sometimes there are people who live from check to check and to show off baubles might make them feel even worse.

If they''re not struggling and just have different priorities, I''d say wear them proudly! Relatives love each other and are happy for each others'' prosperity.

But if they''re struggling and you know for a fact that they worry about money, I would not wear my bling in front of them. Engagement ring/wedding ring, you can''t really help. That would look weird to leave it at home. But I just mean other bling - diamond necklace/bracelet/earrrings maybe you could tone down?

 

[conitta]

But then I thought of how we don''t wear our bling when we volunteer, ya know?

I agree with that.

 

[galeteia]

This is an interesting topic.

kcoursolle, you know your family best. If you sense they''re going to (illogical it may be) get upset/disapprove of your bling to the point where it would make you uncomfortable, then listen to your instincts.

Standing up for your right to wear/do anything, which I generally promote, might have a cost that''s too high for you in this case. Family get-togethers can be tense at the best of times, and I doubt you would enjoy the extra stress of worrying if they are offended by your bling.

In my experience, frugal families have a sixth sense when it comes to a whiff of luxury. If they are concerned about money, I don''t doubt they will notice.

However, passing it off as a sim isn''t a bad idea...

In fact, I might get a huge honker of a decent sim (like an asha), pass it off as a diamond, and see if I can succeed in offending my horrible family. Oooo, tempting.

 

[ladykemma]

i think the question is:

1. do the relatives have money, they just choose to spend on other things?

2. or, is is like eating in front of somebody who is hungry?

my situation is #1. my midwestern relatives have money. and they are going to talk no matter what fodder i give them....so i wear my bling.

 

[lilmaria]

i understand how u feel. i have a 3/4 center stone and for my part of fl it''s big, however when i visit family in ny - it is considered small. wear it with pride and dont worry about what they say. youll never make everyone happy, so you might as well count on making yourself happy. i have a friend w/a signifcantally smaller diamond and i know she feels awkward around my ring, but i remind her that her man scrimped and saved while in college 4 yrs ago to get her that and my man was already in his career when he purchased my ring. there cant be any comparisons b/c each person''s experience is different. enjoy your bling and supersize if it will make you feel better!

 

[Mimikins24]

My situation will be a bit different than some of the other ladies, but also kind of difficult.

The ering sizes in my BFs family range from about 1.5-2.5 ct. --- which is extremely rare considering I live in Saskatchewan (Canada). In my family on the other hand, I don''t think anyone''s ring is over the .5 ct. mark. My BF and I are completing our last year of university, so although he has really saved a nice budget, my ring will be on the smaller end of the spectrum for his family (around 1.5 ct.). The problem is that we both like asschers, so it will look smaller than all the round brilliants in his family.

Basically, my parents will be appauled at the amount of money that was spent on my ring --- and his family will be embarrassed and confused by how small the ring is to them. It is really a no win situation on both accounts, but we realize that in advance. In any event, I will wear my ring regardless of whose family we are with. I figure this is the gift that my BF chose to give me to represent his love and promise, and I will wear it with that in mind. He did not spend either of our parent''s money on the ring, so it really isn''t any of their business. Maybe that''s a bit harsh, but neither one of our parents has helped with our finances since we left highschool. I certainly don''t think this is the time for them to become involved, considering he is 26 and I am 25 (turning 26 in a couple of weeks) and haven''t lived with them for numerous years.