Size envy

[firebirdgold]

Ok, so am I the only person here getting bouts of diamond envy/competitiveness with family or friends' diamonds? It's a horribly unpleasant feeling and I'm ashamed of being petty and materialistic. But....
If my mother mentions the D IF .5 carat my father washed pots to buy because he wanted the perfect diamond for the perfect love, I will commit matricide!

Our budget isn't very large, and I'm worried I'm going to get flak from my parents. They know he makes a decent amount of money, and they're going to see this as a sign that he's not ever going to put me first sometimes. (did that make sense?).
I know it's not going to happen but part of me desperately wants a diamond I can shove down their throats and shut them up once and for all. And even though I like a design that really only works with 1/3 carat stones, part of me wants a diamond bigger than my mother's. Come to think of it, I'd also like one visibly much nicer (and bigger) than his sister's e-ring even if hers is an odd green color. Thank G, that there's no worries with my sister. She doesn't want one nor would she use it to compare our guys.
What is it that's causing me to want a bigger, nicer diamond than my mother or fsil? Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? It's causing me to have serious bouts of anxiety and unhappiness!

 

[sunkist]

Date: 3/15/2006 9:00:33 PM
Author:Wren

Our budget isn''t very large, and I''m worried I''m going to get flak from my parents. They know he makes a decent amount of money, and they''re going to see this as a sign that he''s not ever going to put me first sometimes. (did that make sense?).

Hmmm, no I don''t understand.... want to explain again?

Date: 3/15/2006 9:00:33 PM
Author:Wren

What is it that''s causing me to want a bigger, nicer diamond than my mother or fsil? Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? It''s causing me to have serious bouts of anxiety and unhappiness!

Wren, I''m sorry that you''re having those awful, uncomfortable feelings! It seems that they must be linked to your mom''s thoughts about your BF money? (I didn''t understand that part above..., but I think they''re linked!)

No matter how fun it is to think about your e-ring and then to WEAR the e-ring, I think a lot of girls place WAY too much importance on it. It is afterall a material good. We will not have it with us forever. The relationships that we have with others is what really counts in life. Maybe you should try doing something nice for those people you are envying right now (your mom, you FSIL) just forget about their rings and anyother hard feelings you''re having toward them, and do something nice for them! And smile while you do it! It''s hard to have unhappiness and anxiety while you''re helping someone with a smile

 

[sunkist]

BTW, I also wanted to say that I too want a stone that is larger than my mom''s and my sisters''. But it doesn''t stem from wanting to show it off to them, I''m actually a little nervous to see how mine will compare to theirs because I don''t want to get any weird or jealous looks! I love my mom and sisters, but I want different rings than what they have. I have been doing lots of search on diamonds though and I know that I can get a better diamond for a good price, so we''re going to get it!

 

[JenStone]

Wren,

I know exactly how you feel. It seems that whenever another one of my friends gets engaged, her rock is larger than the last. My guy friends have admitted that it''s sort of a male ego thing for them, to see who can get his girlfriend the best/largest diamond.

My boyfriend also admitted that he would like to buy my a diamond larger and nicer than my mother''s. He said it''s like trying to prove to my parents that he can take care of me. When I mentioned this to my mother, she said, "Of course you need a larger diamond than mine! We want you to live better (and by this I think she meant more luxurious, comfortable) lives than we have!"

I think it''s just human nature to compare ourselves to our friends and neighbors. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that there are always less fortunate people than us.

 

[stermag]

Wren,

Do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is?

Right now, it might seem like big, internally flawless diamonds are, but that's not it. If your boyfriend won the lottery and said "Honey, I have half a million dollars and I will spend it on your diamond under one condition: you can NEVER show it to anyone and you can NEVER tell anyone about it." Would you be happy with this idea? My guess is you wouldn't. Our desire for huge rocks doesn't stem from our desire to simply have them. It stems from our desire to be envied, and for someone to envy your diamond, they would first have to see it, no?

Now, your every post ends with a quote "Don't worry, be happy," and I find that really interesting. As it happens, do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is? It's happiness.

Think about it, I think you'll find it to be true. If you envy someone because they have a big house, you can say "well, yeah, maybe she does but she stretched herself too thin to buy it and what kind of a life is that?". But if you know someone who's truly happy, blissfully so... how do you justify that to yourself? You can't. Happiness is ultimately the one thing we all want more than anything else.

The solution? As you, yourself say, "don't worry, be happy". Be REALLY happy... with your life, your boyfriend, your ring, your job... and everybody will look up to you because you will have figured out something that a vast majority of people can't seem to. You will be the envy of the world.

Cheesy? Maybe, but true.

 

[firebirdgold]

I know that the size or quality of the diamond isn''t an indication of how much he loves me, how important I am to him, or if he''ll take care of me. Yet, I don''t want someone using the diamond he gives me to criticize him or question those things.

Stupid, I know.

Besides, if he get an ACA of any size it''ll out sparkle anything of theirs!

(And I have to admit to feeling a wee bit defensive that my e-ring is probably going to be one month''s mortgage payment for him. I really hope he never reads these posts and feels hurt that I wish our budget was a bit more flexible. )

 

[stermag]

Yet, I don''t want someone using the diamond he gives me to criticize him or question those things.

Stupid, I know.


Besides, if he get an ACA of any size it''ll out sparkle anything of theirs!

Wren, nobody will use the diamond he gives you to criticize him or question how much he loves you if your eyes and your smile whenever you''re around him show them how happy he makes you. If they do, it will simply be to alleviate THEIR OWN envy... envy of your happiness.

Now, on the other hand, if you are unhappy about the ring and you doubt that he cares about you enough because he''s not spending the money he evidently has, then this is what you need to focus on and deal with, rathe than worrying about what others will think.

My feeling (although it is obviously based on very little), is that you are a bit bothered by this. Your comment about your ACA diamond outshining theirs sounds like something you''re telling yourself to make yourself feel better.

Just my 2c, naturally.

 

[Rhapsody]

I''ve had similar feelings about needing to have "more, bigger, better" than a few of my friends. Most of my issue stems from having been with my boyfriend for SOO much longer than any of them (I waited longer so I should have a bigger diamond, or something) and the fact that even though we make the same amount of money as most of our friends we are still paying off debts we accumulated from living in the red for 5 years while we were working our way through school while most of our friends had financial support from their parents.

I guess I just feel like I need something to show for the last 7 years. Its completely illogical and crazy, but for some reason it''s important to me and dont feel so bad if its important to you too.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/15/2006 9:38:49 PM
Author: Wren
(And I have to admit to feeling a wee bit defensive that my e-ring is probably going to be one month''s mortgage payment for him. I really hope he never reads these posts and feels hurt that I wish our budget was a bit more flexible. )

Um ... why can''t you talk to him about this? Either he can afford more or he can''t. If you think he can, then "the budget" might be as negotiable as anything else in a relationship.

Honestly, if I were you, I''d confess EXACTLY how I was feeling, about what it represents, what my Mom says about her ring all these years later ... and even wishing for one bigger than his sister''s. You KNOW it''s petty, but that IS a part of you. You don''t have to be perfect to be loved and you don''t have to hide your real feelings to protect his...

He may not realize how you feel about it - and he may feel differently once he knows, especially when he hears how your mom is STILL talking about her ring all these years later.

 

[anchor31]

Tonight I realized I may not get my .52 ct baby, and that kind of kicked me out of lalaland for now... My boyfriend also doesn''t have a big budget and I''ve been telling myself exactly what Stermag just said. Getting a bigger, better diamond than someone else''s isn''t going to make my marriage better than that person''s, really... I mean, my mother''s diamond is, from what I can guess, a .15ct good cut, H/I-SI. Tiny and not very sparkly, but eyeclean. My parents have been married for 31 years and counting, and they are still going strong. The diamond obviously doesn''t make the marriage.

You probably know all that, I just thought that hearing that kind of thing again would help you fight the envy phase. I don''t think there''s anything wrong or even surprising with you feeling envious, but I''m sure it''ll pass when you''ll get your special diamond in your special setting (I love love love them!!) from your special man. And at least you''ll still have money for a house later, right?

Hang on in there!

 

[hlmr]

Date: 3/15/2006 9:33:31 PM
Author: stermag
Wren,

Do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is?

Right now, it might seem like big, internally flawless diamonds are, but that's not it. If your boyfriend won the lottery and said 'Honey, I have half a million dollars and I will spend it on your diamond under one condition: you can NEVER show it to anyone and you can NEVER tell anyone about it.' Would you be happy with this idea? My guess is you wouldn't. Our desire for huge rocks doesn't stem from our desire to simply have them. It stems from our desire to be envied, and for someone to envy your diamond, they would first have to see it, no?

Now, your every post ends with a quote 'Don't worry, be happy,' and I find that really interesting. As it happens, do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is? It's happiness.

Think about it, I think you'll find it to be true. If you envy someone because they have a big house, you can say 'well, yeah, maybe she does but she stretched herself too thin to buy it and what kind of a life is that?'. But if you know someone who's truly happy, blissfully so... how do you justify that to yourself? You can't. Happiness is ultimately the one thing we all want more than anything else.

The solution? As you, yourself say, 'don't worry, be happy'. Be REALLY happy... with your life, your boyfriend, your ring, your job... and everybody will look up to you because you will have figured out something that a vast majority of people can't seem to. You will be the envy of the world.

Cheesy? Maybe, but true.

stermag:

I have read quite a few of your posts and I have to tell you that I think you are one smart chick!!! Honestly, you are wise beyond your years and I mean that with true sincerity!

Wren:

I know what you mean about the ring size/quality symbolizing the caring but it is not true!!! Don't believe it for a minute! I know lots of gals with big erings that were not treated well by the FI's and I know lots that were treated like queens but had small erings. At the end of the day try to worry about how you feel in your heart when you are with your FI, not what is going to be on your finger. I wish you internal peace for your future.

Edited to add: There is always your 10 year anniversary, if you want to upgrade!!

Heather

 

[Mandarine]

Oh Wren...I''m so sorry you feel this way...and I''m not going to tell you all about how the most important thing is the realtionship, etc...I think you know that....so what I will tell you is this:

You are human!...

There is nothing wrong with you....you just have to learn how to control those feelings and let them go. The other day we were hanging out with these two couples...and I couldn''t help myself from staring at their rings!. I also think for the guys it is an ego thing. I think my BF would probably love to get me a small stone because he would spend less, but I think he won''t (because of the rings his friends have given to their wifes) and the way he talks is almost as if he wants to be at least at the same level...now, I''m not complaining about that

...but it really is silly when you think about it.

Then the other day my sister called me and I told her about my BF looking at rings...and she said "well, hopefully he will get you something nice, but nothing too expensive" (she is happily married and has a nice ring...not huge, but nice). And I said "why not?"..and she simply replied "why would you want him to spend 8-10K in a ring?...it''s just a ring, it''s a symbol. I think that is just silly and materialistic!".....and she was right. Then I came home and was watching a really sad show about Africa...and started thinking that this whole ring thing is kind of slly when you think about it.

I want a nice ring because it is a symbol...and yes, of course I want a nice-big ring...but that''s only when I''m day-dreaming...at the end of the day it won''t matter and I think once I have it I will be so excited about starting to plan our lives that I will forget about those silly little things.

Ok...this was too long, but I can just relate to some of the things you said and wanted to share how I have been feeling lately about it...

So, don''t worry be happy

M~

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/15/2006 9:33:31 PM
Author: stermag

The solution? As you, yourself say, 'don't worry, be happy'. Be REALLY happy... with your life, your boyfriend, your ring, your job... and everybody will look up to you because you will have figured out something that a vast majority of people can't seem to. You will be the envy of the world.


Cheesy? Maybe, but true.

You're right stermag. And (dissertation hell not withstanding) we have a wonderful relationship. I really am happy and very blessed in life. ... well, ok I'll be a bit happier when I have my guy back after his defense.

But I do light up when he's around!

All right, all right, I confess
I really hope he never reads this, he'd be really mad that I feel this way. But I just can't make myself be happy with the budget. I know he doesn't have a lot of free money due to car, mortgage, debt, and unexpected home repairs. Yet I'm really upset that a $2,500 - $3,000 ring is out of our budget. I can't seem to help myself.


ETA: Jeez, I type slowly! Thank you guys for making me feel better!
I know we have a better relationship than almost anyone I know (parents included).

Weirdly, this seems to be the only topic we can't seem to have a decent conversation about. And (as long as he gets something from wf) I know I'll forget all about this once I have the ring he's picked out for me on my finger.

And my parents do really like him. The fact that he offered to pay for half my ticket to greece (for his conference), really reassured my Dad at least. I've had a history of self-centered bfs.

I'm still planning on throttling my mother if she brings up her diamond again!

 

[Mandarine]

Oops...I just read my post and realized I didn''t finish my point on watching the show about Africa...it was just one of this shows talking about how kids there can live off of the change we have in our wallets...and then the thought of the ring came into my head..."how many kids can I feed with that amount of money???". I don''t know, kind of put things into perspective for me...

M~

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 3/15/2006 10:00:59 PM
Author: Wren
All right, all right, I confess
I really hope he never reads this, he''d be really mad that I feel this way. But I just can''t make myself be happy with the budget. I know he doesn''t have a lot of free money due to car, mortgage, debt, and unexpected home repairs. Yet I''m really upset that a $2,500 - $3,000 ring is out of our budget. I can''t seem to help myself.

Maybe you should wait until it is in your budget, if you really feel upset about it. I don''t know your BF''s situation, whether it''s feasible for him to up his budget to that, or how long it would take (but I remember in grad school I was living hand to mouth, and hardly that!) I think you should be able to talk to him about this, and do so. Perhaps a larger budget can be reached, or you can plan to upgrade in x time, etc.

 

[JulieN]

weird green color? moissanite?

 

[E B]

Stermag, you really hit the nail on the head. We want bigger, better diamonds so we'll be envied by others. Isn't it silly, when you really think about it? Diamonds to women are like fancy, fast cars to men....a Toyota Corolla would get him from place A to place B just as easily as a Porshe, but who'd notice him in that?

Pricescope does not represent the real world. Members flash 2ct rings left and right, but I've never seen one in person, and I live in Los Angeles! I've seen members join, want something modest, and then slowly but surely want something larger and larger. It happened to me, too! But look at engaged/married women's hands where you live. I bet you'll find their diamonds look a lot like yours will.

If your Mom defines any part of your fiance's worth by a diamond, she's got her priorities completely twisted, and you cannot let that affect your outlook. Your fiance's worth is in what he brings to you and to your partnership...happiness, love, and support. I know you know this, but don't forget it.

Date: 3/15/2006 9:33:31 PM
Author: stermag
Wren,

Do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is?


Right now, it might seem like big, internally flawless diamonds are, but that's not it. If your boyfriend won the lottery and said 'Honey, I have half a million dollars and I will spend it on your diamond under one condition: you can NEVER show it to anyone and you can NEVER tell anyone about it.' Would you be happy with this idea? My guess is you wouldn't. Our desire for huge rocks doesn't stem from our desire to simply have them. It stems from our desire to be envied, and for someone to envy your diamond, they would first have to see it, no?


Now, your every post ends with a quote 'Don't worry, be happy,' and I find that really interesting. As it happens, do you know what the most enviable thing in the world is? It's happiness.

 

[E B]

I also wanted to say that whatever the size of the diamond, that niwaka style setting WF can (will?) make would blow everyone away! It''s sleek, modern, and very unlike what everyone else has. Pair it with an ACA? Breathtaking.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/15/2006 10:22:32 PM
Author: EBree
If your Mom defines any part of your fiance''s worth by a diamond, she''s got her priorities completely twisted, and you cannot let that affect your outlook. Your fiance''s worth is in what he brings to you and to your partnership...happiness, love, and support. I know you know this, but don''t forget it.

Weeellll, you''ve got me there. The woman needs valium and a gag. She''s very sweet, and I love her...but every single family member wishes they could drug her with something. And my beloved is quickly coming to that conclusion as well.

I just talked to him and hearing his voice made me feel better as usual. He''s reasonably happy for someone in ph.d hell.

I do love the niwaka designs, and the diamond is just a small part of the overall design. Plus we can afford it now! I''m sure my fsil won''t mind us getting engaged before her wedding.... er, never mind.

.... Moissanite... hehe!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/15/2006 10:43:20 PM
Author: EBree
I also wanted to say that whatever the size of the diamond, that niwaka style setting WF can (will?) make would blow everyone away! It''s sleek, modern, and very unlike what everyone else has. Pair it with an ACA? Breathtaking.

Yep, and the time and effort that will go into getting it custom designed is worth far more than money.
Ooh, I feel much better! Thanks everyone!

 

[monarch64]

Wren, I just wanted to say that stermag and everyone else who agrees that happiness is more "enviable" than having a big old diamond is so true! I have a 1.5c RB, and I get compliments on it that make me feel good...but what REALLY makes me feel good is when people compliment me on other attributes. When people say "wow, you and your husband make such a great couple, you seem to have so much fun together," or when I had my annual review at work last week and my boss gave me a huge compliment about my personality and ability to get along with all my co-workers, THAT stuff makes me feel so happy it almost hurts!

Now I won''t say I''ve never felt a twinge of envy or a wave of jealousy when others we know have gotten engaged with diamonds larger than mine, because I''d be lying! But then I look at myself and all the good things about me that make me as a person shine brighter than any diamond, and I forget all about the envy. I think most people would rather have their obituary say "she was a wonderful person, etc." than "she had a really great diamond." LOL!

 

[Blenheim]

Wren, everyone else seems to have such wonderful advice and I don''t have much to add, but I just had one question. If you''re upset that a $2500-3000 ring is out of your budget, how would your BF feel about you paying for part of it?

And you were originally asking how others feel. I sometimes see the beautiful rings on PS and wish that he had a larger budget, but I know that he''s really trying to save for my ring (which he''s hinting will be a .25 carat solitaire) and that the meaning behind it and the quality of our relationship is the most important thing. And there will always be anniversaries!

 

[stermag]

It's amazing how much we can learn about human nature from something as simple as an engagement ring.

My boyfriend and I bought a house a year ago - it's located in one of the nicest neighborhoods in the city. People often ask me where I live and when I tell them, I feel an immediate need to apologize. I add "Yes, but... it's the smallest house on the block" or "Yes, but, you see... we didn't know the area really well and having just moved from XYZ we were used to higher than normal house prices, hence it didn't strike us as odd"...

Why do I do this? To make others comfortable, to spare them the pain of feeling inferior somehow. Also, to avoid judgement - I don't want anyone to think I am a snob. We bought where we bought because we could afford it, because we liked the house and wanted to live in a safe neighborhood. And yet, I have heard some really nasty comments, and they weren't even said behind my back... A coworker once told me "well, MY significant other isn't a DOCTOR, therefore I can't afford a house there" (referring to my boyfriend's PhD)

Today, I wear an engagement ring of my dreams - it's under 2ct, but I never dreamt bigger than that anyway... At first, I thought I would love the attention and the compliments, but after wearing it for less than 2 weeks, I have realized that I don't. Hard to believe?

Once again, I find myself apologizing, coming up with excuses so others don't feel jealous or envious. I have been at my job for less than a year and there are still people there who have never said a single word to me... until this week. I've gotten comments to the tune of "how is your day going? It must be hard dragging your knuckles on the ground all day".

So... now I ask: if people's envy manifests itself in such nasty ways, why do we want it so much?. Few, if any, of the women who have drooled over my ring know me or wish me well. They're not happy for me. They probably curse me behind my back. Why do we, indirectly perhaps, want others to curse us? Their envy brings nothing but nastiness our way.

In the end, I decided that I cannot live my life apologizing for what I have anymore than you, Wren, should live yours apologizing for what you don't. Neither define who we are. It is not our job to make others feel all warm and fuzzy about themselves. I will not lower myself or belittle the house I love just so that someone else doesn't feel inferior to me. And likewise, you shouldn't apologize for or justify the size of the beautiful ring you'll receive just because someone foolishly believes its size to be directly proportional to your worth.

The trick lies in being happy with exactly what we have, whether it's 10 points or 10 carats. Trust me, being happy with 10 carats is no easier than being happy with 10 points. Some people really can never get enough. If you believe that happiness is attainable (i.e. within your boyfriend's budget) speak to him about it, but if your motives are simply to be envied by others... believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

(sorry this is so long, btw - sometimes when I start, I have a hard time stopping

)

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/15/2006 11:39:46 PM
Author: stermag
I find myself apologizing, coming up with excuses so others don''t feel jealous or envious. Why do I do this? To make others comfortable, to spare them the pain of feeling inferior somehow.

Gosh I hope they can survive feeling inferior to you. Sounds super painful! Glad you mentioned you''re no longer apologizing for your lifestyle. IMHO - doing that is really looking down your nose at everyone around you and pitying them. A kind of hostility really. And a defense. Possibly projecting your own feelings of insecurity onto others.

I agree, however, that happiness is a much better goal than material possessions. So much more elusive though.

Wren, your longing is completely understandable and human. I''m suprised more people aren''t relating to the issue here on a DIAMOND FORUM. I refuse to believe that all the "upgrade" seekers around here are doing so for "humanitarian reasons". Pahleeze.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Back in the day the size of the diamond represented how much you could provide for your wife, but thats the not case anymore. Unless your family os old fashioned. You never know. But it is human to want something bigger and better. I want one bigger than my fsil. But only cuz she is from a rich family. I want to brag. im human.

 

[firebirdgold]

I don''t generally have an envy problem. I''m not envious of anyone, nor do I want anyone to be envious of me. (aside from minor fsil getting married first issues). I just want my mother to be impressed.

I also wish our budget was flexible enough that if the ering is a 1/3 carat it''s because that''s what we want, not just what we can afford. Hey, I never said it was logical!

 

[Shay]

I understand why this would upset you. My fiance spent months designing a beautiful engagement ring for me and I absolutely love it. It has a 0,2 carat centre and 4 tiny accent diamonds. I was engaged first in my group and since then there have been a 3 stone diamond (total +- 1 carat) with sapphire centre. a 2 carat diamond honker and a huge diamond band. Of everyone I have the smallest diamond by far. But the thing is I really don''t care. I love my ring because HE chose it and designed it and saved for it and because it means I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I love. I''ve actually had some snotty remarks from a less than true friend about it being small but I think her priorities are all wrong. I wouldn''t trade my ring for a 3 carat flawless honker if I won the lotto because it wouldn''t mean the same thing at all.

 

[DonaBella]

I have been married for 25 years and my hubby and his devotion to me or his ability to provide for me has never been linked to my diamond. Not once. I have a solid, trusting and loving relationship and for me and him that cannot be exampled in any size of diamond...but for me, I want a bigger one just cuz I want a bigger rock. There...I said it. I want a bigger diamond.

I think you are a teensy bit like me that way. A big ole blingage to not deny would be the cat''s meow for any woman, and that is just normal.

The real proof is the level of commitment, loyalty and unshattering love that the two of you share. THAT cannot be found or emulated by any THING.

Sure, a big wonderful diamond is fabulous...but having a powerful undeniable man who loves you...wow...now that sparkles like nothing else...

I am not saying any of this cuz I don''t want you or me to have bigger, blingier diamonds. I am saying this cuz its true...Coming from a gal who is seriously diamond addicted, this is HUGE...just my 2 cents here!

 

[blodthecat]

Hummmm! I was just checking to see if my good friend Lorelei had replied to this post, as she usually has good common sense advice!

I personally would be more than happy with a .30ct diamond. If you got a really good cut, it would sparkle like mad.

As you know, lots of us on PS have started out with a modest ring that our budget could afford, and then bought bigger further down the line, when there was a bit more money available.

blod

Actually, check 'february2003bride' recent post called 'my new' She has just purchased the kind of diamond I was thinking about. It's absolutely gorgeous

 

[allycat0303]

Wren, it''s a terrible feeling to have, but maybe your mother is annoying you because your father washed pots and pans for it? Do you feel as though maybe your boyfriend didn''t sacrifice, save long enough? Or is it just, that you want bigger?

I go back and forth on wanting a bigger rock. In the first place initially it was my decision to get smaller (are budget was very large) but I didn''t, and now I kind of regret it. I try to think about it this way, when I see another girl''s e-ring, do I look at it and say "Oh hers is bigger then this other girl''s" so boyfriend of second girl must love her more? NEVER!

And then I remind myself that before I found PS, I NEVER noticed the size of a girl''s diamond. NEVER. And most people don''t notice mine either. As a matter of fact, aside from asking someone how big it is, I can''t even mentally compare diamond size. On someone''s hand a 1 carat looks like a 0.75, looks like a 1.5 to me. Or maybe I just have bad visualizing skills. In any case, hope you don''t strangle your mother