Seeking Advice: Is it too late for buyers remorse?

[Gypsy]

Yeah, I have to agree. I don't know what your "culture" is that you refer to that is so 'different' from mine, since you know nothing about me. I've been with my husband for 17 years and we have a wonderful relationship. He's my best friend and I am his. But UNLESS you have a VERY nice multi-million dollar trust fund (that he can't touch in a divorce ensured by a pre-nup), that is independent of your parents approving of your life choices, lioness is right.

I have a JD from Georgetown my dear. My "culture" would surprise the heck out of you. I don't ever talk about it. But I'll make a short exception, just to drive this point home. My father used to fly me, just me, to Paris regularly on his jet from the middle east (where we lived), because I liked the steak at Maxim. I was 3. That's not a joke. That's fact. It was his way of bonding with his only child.

What I really have, though, is life experience. And a lot more cynicism. Don't stop working unless you have independent-- guaranteed-- wealth. And that goes for ANY one in a relationship. But especially women. You do not want to know the PAIN of re-entering the work force after a divorce as a single mother. One of my friends from law school (who does have a trust fund actually) is just now going through this. And I would not be in her shoes for the world. I mean that.

 

[JustinVu]

Yeah, I have to agree. I don't know what your "culture" is that you refer to that is so 'different' from mine, since you know nothing about me. I've been with my husband for 17 years and we have a wonderful relationship. He's my best friend and I am his. But UNLESS you have a VERY nice multi-million dollar trust fund (that he can't touch in a divorce ensured by a pre-nup), that is independent of your parents approving of your life choices, lioness is right.

I have a JD from Georgetown my dear. My "culture" would surprise the heck out of you. I don't ever talk about it. But I'll make a short exception, just to drive this point home. My father used to fly me, just me, to Paris regularly on his jet from the middle east (where we lived), because I liked the steak at Maxim. I was 3. That's not a joke. That's fact. It was his way of bonding with his only child.

What I really have, though, is life experience. And a lot more cynicism. Don't stop working unless you have independent-- guaranteed-- wealth. And that goes for ANY one in a relationship. But especially women. You do not want to know the PAIN of re-entering the work force after a divorce as a single mother. One of my friends from law school (who does have a trust fund actually) is just now going through this. And I would not be in her shoes for the world. I mean that.

This is gold !!! Very much agreed on. Gypsy, each story you told us is a life lesson to learn from. I can't thank you enough.

OP, let me tell you something. I read your thread from day 1, wanted to chime in but couldn't be bothered. Now that I see your situation is getting quite similar to mine, surprisingly, I'd like to give you some input.

A bit about me: I'm a man, like your fiance, prefer 'quality' over 'quantity'. I think my gf and I are similar age with you and your partner. We've been in a relationship for 4 years and I've always been the decision maker. Of course we've had discussions all the time I tell her what I think and vice versa, but often I'm the one that decides after taking into consideration her opinion because my gf is still a bit naive. So far, I look after from every aspect in life, from home loan to house moving, utilities bill too anything you can possibly think of. We live happily that way.

I'm now shopping for a ring for my gf, secretly. Before being on this forum and being 'lectured' by Gypsy, I WANTED a radiant because I WANT HER RING TO BE DIFFERENT. So I went ahead and bought a D VS1 1.5ct radiant. When I saw it in person, I gotta say it was a fire ball. But
1. Was that what my gf would wear ? - YES, she would wear anything even a plastic ring
2. Was that what my gf would like? - NO

Why:
1. I found out that she likes Round, and only ROUND
2. I found out that she likes platinum, whilst originally I was about to do it in rose gold.
3. I found out that she likes simply solitaire setting, whilst originally I was about to do it in a tapering pave with cathedral crown.

So what did I do. I returned the stone, sourced for a round diamond with Gypsy and Ds2006 help. I was there, in the same spot as your partner is now and thanks to these people on this forum, I realised that while I thought of myself as a caring person, the truth was totally opposite. I was putting myself in the front line where I should do the opposite. So I bought a E VS1 1.1ct H&A diamond with perfect sparkles. Was I happy? Hell yes. Because I know I'm still getting 'quality' stone that I'd put my money into. Even happier because I know my gf will love this, especially when I'm throwing her the most hectic proposal. I'm not buying for myself right? I'm not wearing it right? If your partner is a reasonable person, like I am, then you know he will use the logic to think it through.

Bottom line is: if you don't say it now, your relationship's problem is just getting bigger and bigger. talk to each other and solves the issue together. and like someone said earlier, if I was you, I'd say let's just wait until you guys can afford a diamond at the size you like with the quality that he would agree to.

P/S: pardon me if I'm wrong, but somehow I gotta feeling that your partner is covering up all expenses like a sugar daddy and he's 'donating' the ring to you. as it is a donation, you can't have your saying in this.

 

[cmd2014]

Edit: never mind.