Seeking Advice: Is it too late for buyers remorse?

[Pudlove]

Hello Scopers!

I am new to this forum, so please excuse any thread etiquettes I am failing to follow.
You see, I need some advice or some positive affirmations.

My story:
My loving BF and I have been together for 9 years.
He is employed in the medical field and I am a law student (1 more year left! YAY!).
BF gave me a very modest budget.
We both wanted to be in the engagement ring process because I am extremely picky.

BF and I met with a great trusting referral and picked out a diamond a RB 1.26 carat F VVS2 XXX no inclusions what-so-ever on its GIA report with a setting that needed to be specially ordered Simon G MR1502. It's been paid off completely and now, we are just patiently waiting.

We went into this purchase without ZERO information besides the basic 4Cs.

Because of the modest budget, I wanted a 2+ carat cushion cut double halo (Tiffany Soleste-ish).
But BF was adamant on going for quality versus quantity.
And every time I brought up going bigger, he would get so angry and refused to discuss it or listen to me.
So I sat back and agreed to what we have now.

It's upsetting because what he is spending on it not what I initially wanted.
I ended up picking my second choice to make him happy.

I am a lucky gal. But here I am with this memory on my mind of our engagement ring process.
Ring shopping was suppose to be fun and stress free, but my heart just hurts with this on my mind.
The worst part is, I know he will proposed in a few months.
I'm just hoping that when he slips the ring on my finger all of this won't be on my mind.

Am I just being too much unappreciative? Negative?

 

[soxfan]

This setting?

 

[soxfan]

"But BF was adamant on going for quality versus quantity.
And every time I brought up going bigger, he would get so angry and refused to discuss it or listen to me.
So I sat back and agreed to what we have now.

It's upsetting because what he is spending on it not what I initially wanted.
I ended up picking my second choice to make him happy."

Hmmmm.......maybe he should propose to himself since he picked what HE wanted. Is there a return policy in case you DON'T like the ring?

 

[acaw2015]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

 

[Pudlove]

This setting?

Yes this is the setting we had to special order in my size 5.

And there is no "return policy" if I didn't like it. Unfortunately.
However, they do offer an upgrade program whereby they will give us 100% credit for the center stone.

So in a few years, we can upgrade to what my choice would of been.

 

[flyingpig]

First, sorry to hear that you may not get the a ring you want.
Second, at the same time, please consider yourself lucky. There are many couple who cannot afford GIA RB 1.26 carat F VVS2 XXX.

Anyways, is budget the issue? or 4Cs? Does your BF immediately associate high color/clarity with "HIGH QUALITY"? If so, it looks like your BF may not know that high color/clarity does not always equates to beauty.
It looks like, with your budget, (considering you are getting 1.26 F VVS2) you may be able to get a well cut 2.0c (or something really close) cushion.

I recommend that you continue to speak to your BF about different options YOU want within HIS budget.

 

[Pudlove]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

 

[soxfan]

This setting?

Yes this is the setting we had to special order in my size 5.

And there is no "return policy" if I didn't like it. Unfortunately.
However, they do offer an upgrade program whereby they will give us 100% credit for the center stone.

So in a few years, we can upgrade to what my choice would of been.

Did you pick that setting? This one is more tiffany-solestish and it's by simon G. I would really try to switch to this one.

 

[Pudlove]

First, sorry to hear that you may not get the a ring you want.
Second, at the same time, please consider yourself lucky. There are many couple who cannot afford GIA RB 1.26 carat F VVS2 XXX.

Anyways, is budget the issue? or 4Cs? Does your BF immediately associate high color/clarity with "HIGH QUALITY"?
It looks like, with your budget, (considering you are getting 1.26 F VVS2) you may be able to get a well cut 2.0c (or something really close) cushion.

I recommend that you continue to speak to your BF about different options YOU want within HIS budget.

Thank you, I do consider myself extremely lucky and blessed. He is an amazing man.
I believe it is doable but it is a little too late to change our minds at this point.

Maybe I will get my first choice in a few years with an upgrade.

 

[soxfan]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

If the price on that setting is what it says on the link I posted, he overpaid by a LOT. That is a stock setting. There are vendors here that can make a higher quality setting for WAY less money- so he is not really educated on what a quality setting is. Sorry if I sound rude, but he's acting like a BABY. It's YOUR ring, not his. You HAVE to tell him how you feel and tell him you don't want the setting. Do you have specs on the stone?

 

[Pudlove]

This setting?

Yes this is the setting we had to special order in my size 5.

And there is no "return policy" if I didn't like it. Unfortunately.
However, they do offer an upgrade program whereby they will give us 100% credit for the center stone.

So in a few years, we can upgrade to what my choice would of been.

Did you pick that setting? This one is more tiffany-solestish and it's by simon G. I would really try to switch to this one.

I did pick it and do love it.
I can't change the setting because mine was specially order for me. Thus, it's a final sale on the setting.

I prefer a cushion stone with a cushion halo
And a round stone with a round halo.

But thank you for your input!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

These kinds of posts happen from time to time, and I think it is so sad. And it is sad because if he isn't concerned about pleasing you now, I am not to optimistic about after you are married. The ring is for you, and while I agree with settling on a budget, he should have been totally on board with you getting exactly what you wanted. The good thing is, that setting is going to result in a pretty impressive ring, and if you ever do upgrade the diamond and get a new setting, you can always set a colored gemstone in that setting.

The thing you could have done would have been to go with a G VS2 instead of F VVS, and you could have gotten a larger diamond that looked just as good if the cut was excellent. If you went into this with just the basic 4 c's, though, I am not sure if you really got a great cut stone.

I guess it's never too late to have buyer's remorse, but with a setting that can't be returned, there is not much you can do to upgrade the diamond since it was chosen to fit the setting. I think it will be a beautiful ring, though, so hopefully you can just try to forget the disappointment and love your ring.

 

[Pudlove]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

If the price on that setting is what it says on the link I posted, he overpaid by a LOT. That is a stock setting. There are vendors here that can make a higher quality setting for WAY less money- so he is not really educated on what a quality setting is. Sorry if I sound rude, but he's acting like a BABY. It's YOUR ring, not his. You HAVE to tell him how you feel and tell him you don't want the setting. Do you have specs on the stone?

We have a trusting referral jeweler that we purchased the setting from, he gave it to us for less than half the retail price.

 

[msop04]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

If the price on that setting is what it says on the link I posted, he overpaid by a LOT. That is a stock setting. There are vendors here that can make a higher quality setting for WAY less money- so he is not really educated on what a quality setting is. Sorry if I sound rude, but he's acting like a BABY. It's YOUR ring, not his. You HAVE to tell him how you feel and tell him you don't want the setting. Do you have specs on the stone?

DITT-O! He really doesn't know what he's talking about if he spent that much on THAT setting. I'd have a very honest discussion with him. He may be buying, but it's a gift to YOU. If he told you he didn't like pink, would you buy him a pink shirt?? No. No, you would not.

As long as what you want fits his budget, he should be okay with that.

Are you picking out his wedding band? If you were, would you insist on something he didn't like? Nope. You can see where im going here...

 

[Pudlove]

These kinds of posts happen from time to time, and I think it is so sad. And it is sad because if he isn't concerned about pleasing you now, I am not to optimistic about after you are married. The ring is for you, and while I agree with settling on a budget, he should have been totally on board with you getting exactly what you wanted. The good thing is, that setting is going to result in a pretty impressive ring, and if you ever do upgrade the diamond and get a new setting, you can always set a colored gemstone in that setting.

The thing you could have done would have been to go with a G VS2 instead of F VVS, and you could have gotten a larger diamond that looked just as good if the cut was excellent. If you went into this with just the basic 4 c's, though, I am not sure if you really got a great cut stone.

I guess it's never too late to have buyer's remorse, but with a setting that can't be returned, there is not much you can do to upgrade the diamond since it was chosen to fit the setting. I think it will be a beautiful ring, though, so hopefully you can just try to forget the disappointment and love your ring.

BF does so much for me, but because it was HIS budget, I didn't want to be my spoiled brat self.
So all in all, it's my fault for not voicing what I truly wanted.

I hope/wish that it will be beautiful and my disappointment will go away.
Thank you!

 

[Pudlove]

.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

If the price on that setting is what it says on the link I posted, he overpaid by a LOT. That is a stock setting. There are vendors here that can make a higher quality setting for WAY less money- so he is not really educated on what a quality setting is. Sorry if I sound rude, but he's acting like a BABY. It's YOUR ring, not his. You HAVE to tell him how you feel and tell him you don't want the setting. Do you have specs on the stone?

DITT-O! He really doesn't ink what he's talking about if he spent that much on THAT setting. I'd have a very honest discussion with him. He may be buying, but it's a gift to YOU. If he told you he didn't like pink, would you buy him a pink shirt?? No. No, you would not.

As long as what you want fits his budget, he should be okay with that.

Are you picking out his wedding band? If you were, would you insist on something he didn't like? Nope. You can see where im going here...

I totally understand your point but I did pick out the setting myself and he agreed on it as well.
I love the setting, it's my second choice. It's just not my first choice.

The whole issue was he didn't want to explore the idea of the 2 carat cushion halo because he felt like his budget and idea of quality was not going to be met.

 

[msop04]

These kinds of posts happen from time to time, and I think it is so sad. And it is sad because if he isn't concerned about pleasing you now, I am not to optimistic about after you are married. The ring is for you, and while I agree with settling on a budget, he should have been totally on board with you getting exactly what you wanted. The good thing is, that setting is going to result in a pretty impressive ring, and if you ever do upgrade the diamond and get a new setting, you can always set a colored gemstone in that setting.

The thing you could have done would have been to go with a G VS2 instead of F VVS, and you could have gotten a larger diamond that looked just as good if the cut was excellent. If you went into this with just the basic 4 c's, though, I am not sure if you really got a great cut stone.

I guess it's never too late to have buyer's remorse, but with a setting that can't be returned, there is not much you can do to upgrade the diamond since it was chosen to fit the setting. I think it will be a beautiful ring, though, so hopefully you can just try to forget the disappointment and love your ring.

BF does so much for me, but because it was HIS budget, I didn't want to be my spoiled brat self.
So all in all, it's my fault for not voicing what I truly wanted.

I hope/wish that it will be beautiful and my disappointment will go away.
Thank you!

If you're staying within his budget, you're not being a brat, OP -- HE is. He's basically buying himself a ring and you are wearing it. Your disappointment won't go away if you don't voice your concerns. Like DS said, if he's not interested in pleasing you now, the future may hold lots of heartache.

His idea of quality should have zero effect on what you want. As long as you're not going over budget, you should be able to get the exact ring you want, regardless of what he thinks.

 

[Fulvia]

Hey OP,

to my mind this is more a question about the dynamic between you and your SO than it is about diamonds. It seems that you already know that an F VVS2 isn't the best bang for your buck, so none of us, I think, will have much to add on that front.

FWIW (and it may be worth very little indeed) I am in a situation very similar to yours: long-term relationship, young professionals with somewhat limited means and a man who can be obstinate when he sets his mind on something (no offence intended here - just distilling your story). I have been involved in and have in fact directed the diamond-buying process from the start because it's so important to me that I get the ring that I want. Frankly, I don't really care that much what he likes or doesn't - my ring, my decision (as I see it - others may disagree). I even added to the budget to get what I want. After all, I would have to live with the regret that comes along with wearing a ring that I don't like every single day for the rest of my life (it's clear to me and my SO that I have one kick at the engagement ring can: I probably won't ever upgrade given the crazy real estate markets in the cities we live in). Are you sure you will be able to upgrade? In how long? Can you wait that long?

All this is meant to say: if it's very important to you, pick this battle and stand your ground to get the ring you want. I suspect you'll be glad you did, particularly because it will set a good precedent of mutual respect for your marriage. But I'm a fierce feminist and hate the prospect of a man picking out anything for me - let alone a permanent piece of my jewelry suite.

 

[msop04]

I totally understand your point but I did pick out the setting myself and he agreed on it as well.
I love the setting, it's my second choice. It's just not my first choice.

The whole issue was he didn't want to explore the idea of the 2 carat cushion halo because he felt like his budget and idea of quality was not going to be met.

Lots of talk about what he wants, but none of him listening to what you wanted. There is absolutely no reason why he shouldn't at least entertain talk of the cushion ring you desired...

 

[msop04]

OP, you mentioned you can use 100% of the diamond cost for an upgrade... Does the same hold true for the setting? If so, then you can always get what you really wanted with no trouble.

Edited to add:

Since you are stuck with the 2nd choice setting that cannot be returned, at least you know that he paid half of retail (which is what you could expect on the second hand market). You could always list it to sell and hopefully get the majority of the cost back to put toward your first choice.

 

[Pudlove]

Hey OP,

to my mind this is more a question about the dynamic between you and your SO than it is about diamonds. It seems that you already know that an F VVS2 isn't the best bang for your buck, so none of us, I think, will have much to add on that front.

FWIW (and it may be worth very little indeed) I am in a situation very similar to yours: long-term relationship, young professionals with somewhat limited means and a man who can be obstinate when he sets his mind on something (no offence intended here - just distilling your story). I have been involved in and have in fact directed the diamond-buying process from the start because it's so important to me that I get the ring that I want. Frankly, I don't really care that much what he likes or doesn't - my ring, my decision (as I see it - others may disagree). I even added to the budget to get what I want. After all, I would have to live with the regret that comes along with wearing a ring that I don't like every single day for the rest of my life (it's clear to me and my SO that I have one kick at the engagement ring can: I probably won't ever upgrade given the crazy real estate markets in the cities we live in). Are you sure you will be able to upgrade? In how long? Can you wait that long?

All this is meant to say: if it's very important to you, pick this battle and stand your ground to get the ring you want. I suspect you'll be glad you did, particularly because it will set a good precedent of mutual respect for your marriage. But I'm a fierce feminist and hate the prospect of a man picking out anything for me - let alone a permanent piece of my jewelry suite.

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

 

[Pudlove]

OP, you mentioned you can use 100% of the diamond cost for an upgrade... Does the same hold true for the setting? If so, then you can always get what you really wanted with no trouble.

Only on the diamond.

 

[Fulvia]

Hey OP,

to my mind this is more a question about the dynamic between you and your SO than it is about diamonds. It seems that you already know that an F VVS2 isn't the best bang for your buck, so none of us, I think, will have much to add on that front.

FWIW (and it may be worth very little indeed) I am in a situation very similar to yours: long-term relationship, young professionals with somewhat limited means and a man who can be obstinate when he sets his mind on something (no offence intended here - just distilling your story). I have been involved in and have in fact directed the diamond-buying process from the start because it's so important to me that I get the ring that I want. Frankly, I don't really care that much what he likes or doesn't - my ring, my decision (as I see it - others may disagree). I even added to the budget to get what I want. After all, I would have to live with the regret that comes along with wearing a ring that I don't like every single day for the rest of my life (it's clear to me and my SO that I have one kick at the engagement ring can: I probably won't ever upgrade given the crazy real estate markets in the cities we live in). Are you sure you will be able to upgrade? In how long? Can you wait that long?

All this is meant to say: if it's very important to you, pick this battle and stand your ground to get the ring you want. I suspect you'll be glad you did, particularly because it will set a good precedent of mutual respect for your marriage. But I'm a fierce feminist and hate the prospect of a man picking out anything for me - let alone a permanent piece of my jewelry suite.

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

I think you answered your own question!

 

[msop04]

OP, you mentioned you can use 100% of the diamond cost for an upgrade... Does the same hold true for the setting? If so, then you can always get what you really wanted with no trouble.

Only on the diamond.

Gotcha... Well, at least it's a good upgrade program. I'd list the setting, get your money back (or at least the majority) since you said he paid half of retail. When you do decide to upgrade, I'd seriously consider having it made, or at least ordering from a vendor who isn't "final sale" -- those are never good unless it's EXACTLY what you wanted.

 

[msop04]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

 

[flyingpig]

On the bright side.
1. There is upgrade policy. I hope you have this in a written form with full details such any restriction, how much to spend, vendor's right to alter the policy, etc...
2. At least, your BF tried to get you a "QUALITY" diamond, although his definition of "QUALITY" is debatable and is not what you wanted. He did some research and went with a GIA diamond. There are so many people who are stuck with IGI/EGL diamonds.
3. I think the setting is beautiful. Many will be jealous of you.
4. Congratulation.

 

[swingirl]

It sounds like there is nothing you can do because you cannot put a larger stone in a setting made for a 1.2ct stone.

If my fiance insisted I get what he wanted and not what I wanted I would say, "Let's skip the ering until we can afford what I want."
It doesn't prevent you from getting married with a band. If he still insists on my-way-or-the-highway, you might want to consider how this will play out with other financial decisions once you are married.

But for now I think you are going to have to live with your ring because it doesn't sound returnable.Your man is not alone in thinking his opinion is more important than yours since he is paying for it. I am afraid taking this any further will not leave good feelings behind for either of you. You did agree to your 2nd choice and the setting was your first choice.

 

[soxfan]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

I love you msop04...

Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

 

[susief]

Never mind. None of my business.

 

[msop04]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

I love you msop04...

Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

I love YOU, sox!! [emoji8][emoji8][emoji8][emoji12]

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).

It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]