Seeking Advice: Is it too late for buyers remorse?

[Gypsy]

I agree with CMD, and honestly I think the ring is a red herring. The communication relayed here does not say "mature adults prepared for marriage."

OP, talk to him. If you don't it will fester. If, after you start being honest with him, he still ignores your feelings then you know you are in trouble. But as it stands, you are the one who is being deceptive and harboring ill feelings and he's oblivious thinking he's done something right. Poor guy.

You need to put your big girl pants on, and keep them on and be honest with him. Then go from there. Marriage isn't about rings and dresses and flowers. It's about relationships and trust. Not fairytales and lovey dovey perfectly unrealistic fantasies about people who agree all the time. It's work, and it's compromise and that comes from trust and communication. I don't see trust or communication from you. If you trusted him you would have been honest with him. Not posting here.

Start the conversation with " I am sorry. I am unhappy about the ring shopping communication and haven't been honest with you.I feel like I was afraid to be firm about what I wanted and as a result, you didn't know how important it was to me to get a nice big H VS cushion with our budget, which was my strong preference. And instead of being clear about how important that was to me, since it is a present FOR ME to wear, I compromised where I shouldn't have. And maybe you didn't compromise as much as I would have liked and needed, because of that." This can be a great way to strengthen your bond if you do it right.

Also agree your definition of modest budget needs revision. 2k is modest. 10k-15k is generous, especially for a couple of students.

 

[acaw2015]

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.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

Maybe you dont want yet another post in this thread... Apologies in that case.

First of all I still think you need to talk about this in order for it to not grow in your mind and create a bigger issue later.

Second, since this setting isnt refundable (if I understand you correctly) you will probably need to do some math before actually getting your hopes up re a new ring. If it is possible to sell the ring and change the stone - will you still have budget for that 2 ct stone? I ask because the loss may mean that you, in the end, may not get what youre hoping for.

I think someone else already said this, but let this be a lesson for you to ALWAYS be clear on what you want and always discuss important things with your guy. Dont settle just because you "want to pick your battles". How can he possibly know that you are picking your battles?? That only means that you building up some sort of battle credit (?) that is completely unusable. Makes no sense at all. You can settle when you have discussed the matter and settling seems like the most reasonable thing to do. Like in this case.

Wishing you the best of luck...

(edited, just saw gypsys post... agree.)

 

[Gypsy]

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.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

Maybe you dont want yet another post in this thread... Apologies in that case.

First of all I still think you need to talk about this in order for it to not grow in your mind and create a bigger issue later.

Second, since this setting isnt refundable (if I understand you correctly) you will probably need to do some math before actually getting your hopes up re a new ring. If it is possible to sell the ring and change the stone - will you still have budget for that 2 ct stone? I ask because the loss may mean that you, in the end, may not get what youre hoping for.

I think someone else already said this, but let this be a lesson for you to ALWAYS be clear on what you want and always discuss important things with your guy. Dont settle just because you "want to pick your battles". How can he possibly know that you are picking your battles?? That only means that you building up some sort of battle credit (?) that is completely unusable. Makes no sense at all. You can settle when you have discussed the matter and settling seems like the most reasonable thing to do. Like in this case.

Wishing you the best of luck...

(edited, just saw gypsys post... agree.)

I agree with ACA, especially the bolded part. Completely non-sensical.

 

[Pudlove]

Trust me when I say that my communication skills with this particular issue was voiced, plenty of times, but [b]I still went with his wishes.
I picked my battles definitely and now paying for it[/b].

That's exactly what I'm talking about. You didn't have to. You could have said "maybe we shouldn't make such an important purchase until we can agree on something that will make us both happy. Let me show you some things that I like that are in budget and we can talk more about this once you can see what I'm talking about." Or, "please don't buy me something I know I won't like and won't want to wear" Or asking why he doesn't want to sacrifice color, clarity, or cut for size (while keeping an open mind that maybe he has some valid reasons for this), and showing him info that you think supports your argument for doing so (and negotiating a mutually satisfactory solution rather than giving in and kicking yourself for it).

But now he's paying for something you don't want and you're feeling that your proposal/ring is tainted, all because of your having agreed to something that you knew you didn't want. And you've made your BF seem like an uncaring, emotionally abusive bully. If he is, don't marry him! But I suspect he's not, or you wouldn't be wanting to marry him. I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm just hoping to help you see some things that might spare you some pain later. But feel free to take or leave what works or doesn't for you.

Have you guys talked about upgrading in the future? Not everyone feels the same about this. If you haven't, you should, and as soon as possible.

Ps: I think it's a very blingy ring and will give impressive finger coverage. I think most women would be very happy with it. Fwiw.

Thank you for your input.
We actually did talk about upgrading. He was the one that asked our jeweler if they do upgrades.
BF thinks that later when we do upgrade, it's something that we would both 100% agree on - where he feels that he is spending his hard earned $ on a diamond that is high quality (in his book).

 

[Pudlove]

I agree with CMD, and honestly I think the ring is a red herring. The communication relayed here does not say "mature adults prepared for marriage."

OP, talk to him. If you don't it will fester. If, after you start being honest with him, he still ignores your feelings then you know you are in trouble. But as it stands, you are the one who is being deceptive and harboring ill feelings and he's oblivious thinking he's done something right. Poor guy.

You need to put your big girl pants on, and keep them on and be honest with him. Then go from there. Marriage isn't about rings and dresses and flowers. It's about relationships and trust. Not fairytales and lovey dovey perfectly unrealistic fantasies about people who agree all the time. It's work, and it's compromise and that comes from trust and communication. I don't see trust or communication from you. If you trusted him you would have been honest with him. Not posting here.

Start the conversation with " I am sorry. I am unhappy about the ring shopping communication and haven't been honest with you.I feel like I was afraid to be firm about what I wanted and as a result, you didn't know how important it was to me to get a nice big H VS cushion with our budget, which was my strong preference. And instead of being clear about how important that was to me, since it is a present FOR ME to wear, I compromised where I shouldn't have. And maybe you didn't compromise as much as I would have liked and needed, because of that." This can be a great way to strengthen your bond if you do it right.

Also agree your definition of modest budget needs revision. 2k is modest. 10k-15k is generous, especially for a couple of students.

I actually brought this up to him yesterday and although he understands that I wanted a bigger rock, he didn't want to sacrifice quality.
We both agreed to decide what to do after we receive the ring.
Our cultures are VERY different (I am safely assuming you and I), so forgive me if I don't agree with what your definition of modest is.

 

[Pudlove]

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.... talk to him. Tell him your concerns. You will spend a lifetime together. That wont happen though if you dont talk to each other, especially re important decisions.
Good luck.

Already did and saying it's not in his budget (he didn't even give it a chance).
I truly believe it is in the budget (lower quality - but doable).
What he really means is.. It's not on his budget with his quality.

Maybe you dont want yet another post in this thread... Apologies in that case.

First of all I still think you need to talk about this in order for it to not grow in your mind and create a bigger issue later.

Second, since this setting isnt refundable (if I understand you correctly) you will probably need to do some math before actually getting your hopes up re a new ring. If it is possible to sell the ring and change the stone - will you still have budget for that 2 ct stone? I ask because the loss may mean that you, in the end, may not get what youre hoping for.

I think someone else already said this, but let this be a lesson for you to ALWAYS be clear on what you want and always discuss important things with your guy. Dont settle just because you "want to pick your battles". How can he possibly know that you are picking your battles?? That only means that you building up some sort of battle credit (?) that is completely unusable. Makes no sense at all. You can settle when you have discussed the matter and settling seems like the most reasonable thing to do. Like in this case.

Wishing you the best of luck...

(edited, just saw gypsys post... agree.)

Thank you for your input.
Obviously there was a lot of "shoulda coulda woulda"
But it is a little too late for that.
I already discussed the issue with BF yesterday and we are moving ahead with the ring and will figure it out when we receive it.

 

[AdaBeta27]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

You are seriously speaking my language!

I respect everyone's input, advices, and opinion but flyingpig really hit the nail on the head.
I think at this point.. I will wait to see the finished ring and see if it gives me the feels.

The RB you got is not a "small" diamond by any means. It should be about 7mm diameter. You didn't give any more info or a GIA report number for us to gauge its cut quality, but there is the "HCA Cut Adviser" on this site under the Tools tab. When you have the cert in hand, run the numbers through HCA. Score 2 or less is good. You can also search "Pricescope cheat sheet" and read through a thread where PS people discuss what's basically become cookbook for what "most" of PS prefers in a RB. Of course, tastes vary. You wanted a 2ct cushion, but in reality it would probably not have the same visual impact as a 2ct round.

Cushions, unless you are looking at the newest H&A cushions, are much more tricky to buy than rounds. You can't buy them by the paper the way you can H&A rounds. There are many flavors of cushion, and the faceting can be crushed ice, chunky like the August Vintage, or hearts & arrows. Cushions are generally deep stones that face up small for carat weight compared to the same weight in a RB. I deliberately have avoided deep stones like Asscher and cushion because I want face-up size. Cushions (except branded new H&A ones) vary widely in cut quality, geometry, and performance.

If anything, I question why you went with the mounting that you chose when your preference was for a double halo with much less shank width. I don't think you'd would have been totally un-happy with a RB in a double cushion-shaped halo, but you seem to think you would be. They make round double halos for RBs, too. Whatever. It's a fact of life that we don't always get our dream handed to us on a platter. Sometimes it has to be worked for and earned. If you are still massively unhappy with your ring later, after YOU are also working and earning money, a possible solution may be for you to kick some money into the upgrade. Or keep the same center stone, and you buy a different mounting that is double halo and closer to the look you wanted. Also, sometimes, tastes change over time. I was over age 30 and earning good money when I got engaged, but the man was strapped with debt. I received, with my approval, a .87 ct RB from a pawn shop / vintage jewelry store, and it was mounted in a used Tiffany style 6 prong solitaire. Not Pricescope's dream ring, right? But the center stone was a great platform to work with, and I studied many European bridal magazines and whatnot (this was '90s before Internet). And about a year later I came up with a ruby, diamond, and yellow gold vintage-style wedding set that was one of a kind and a real hand-grabber, even though it was a long way from 2ct. Sometimes we all have to just cool our jets and settle for what is practical.

 

[flyingpig]

BF thinks that later when we do upgrade, it's something that we would both 100% agree on

I already discussed the issue with BF yesterday and we are moving ahead with the ring and will figure it out when we receive it

That was a healthy conversation you two had.

Obviously, there was a miscommunication, frustration and the lack of researching before the purchase. You ended up with a ring that you may not like. You had conversation, and BF agreed that the process will be better next time you upgrade (and perhaps for other future major purchases as well). He is accommodating. He even agreed to figure it out when you receive the final ring; he is open to other options.

It sounds like a process that many young couples go through, including myself.

 

[msop04]

Thank you for your input.
We actually did talk about upgrading. He was the one that asked our jeweler if they do upgrades.
BF thinks that later when we do upgrade, it's something that we would both 100% agree on - where he feels that he is spending his hard earned $ on a diamond that is high quality (in his book)

Pud... I hate to bring this up (again), but...

It sounds like your upgrade will be what HE wants, regardless of what you actually want.

From what you're posting, it seems like "we would both 100% agree on" really means something more along the lines of "what HE 100% wants and what you'll agree to". Everything I'm hearing is what HE wants.

True, you said you picked the setting and diamond, but it wasn't your first choice -- it was the first choice HE would agree to.

Like another poster mentioned earlier, by acting 100% happy with his choices (yet venting your unhappiness/frustration on a public forum), you're only setting yourself up for some major issues down the road -- issues that have nothing to do with jewelry.

Communication is key to any relationship. If you agree to what he wants, regardless of how you really feel, there's really no need in him including you at all. He probably thinks you're just as happy with it as he is bc you DID agree. He voiced his opinions, so you need to voice yours. Otherwise, just have him make all the decisions and sit back and be a "yes-girl" to him.

This may sound a bit harsh, but I can't and won't sugar coat it any more. Sorry, but these type scenarios make me so frustrated and sad. [emoji17]

 

[Pudlove]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

You are seriously speaking my language!

I respect everyone's input, advices, and opinion but flyingpig really hit the nail on the head.
I think at this point.. I will wait to see the finished ring and see if it gives me the feels.

The RB you got is not a "small" diamond by any means. It should be about 7mm diameter. You didn't give any more info or a GIA report number for us to gauge its cut quality, but there is the "HCA Cut Adviser" on this site under the Tools tab. When you have the cert in hand, run the numbers through HCA. Score 2 or less is good. You can also search "Pricescope cheat sheet" and read through a thread where PS people discuss what's basically become cookbook for what "most" of PS prefers in a RB. Of course, tastes vary. You wanted a 2ct cushion, but in reality it would probably not have the same visual impact as a 2ct round.

Cushions, unless you are looking at the newest H&A cushions, are much more tricky to buy than rounds. You can't buy them by the paper the way you can H&A rounds. There are many flavors of cushion, and the faceting can be crushed ice, chunky like the August Vintage, or hearts & arrows. Cushions are generally deep stones that face up small for carat weight compared to the same weight in a RB. I deliberately have avoided deep stones like Asscher and cushion because I want face-up size. Cushions (except branded new H&A ones) vary widely in cut quality, geometry, and performance.

If anything, I question why you went with the mounting that you chose when your preference was for a double halo with much less shank width. I don't think you'd would have been totally un-happy with a RB in a double cushion-shaped halo, but you seem to think you would be. They make round double halos for RBs, too. Whatever. It's a fact of life that we don't always get our dream handed to us on a platter. Sometimes it has to be worked for and earned. If you are still massively unhappy with your ring later, after YOU are also working and earning money, a possible solution may be for you to kick some money into the upgrade. Or keep the same center stone, and you buy a different mounting that is double halo and closer to the look you wanted. Also, sometimes, tastes change over time. I was over age 30 and earning good money when I got engaged, but the man was strapped with debt. I received, with my approval, a .87 ct RB from a pawn shop / vintage jewelry store, and it was mounted in a used Tiffany style 6 prong solitaire. Not Pricescope's dream ring, right? But the center stone was a great platform to work with, and I studied many European bridal magazines and whatnot (this was '90s before Internet). And about a year later I came up with a ruby, diamond, and yellow gold vintage-style wedding set that was one of a kind and a real hand-grabber, even though it was a long way from 2ct. Sometimes we all have to just cool our jets and settle for what is practical.

Thank you so much for your input. So many are saying I should speak up and get what I want, etc but it's BF hard earn money (he works graveyard) and although I didn't get what I exactly wanted, I did get something I do want. Like I said, it's my 2nd choice, NOT what I didn't want period.

My points exactly, sometimes I don't get exactly what I want on a platter and have to settle. But at least I am settling happily.

 

[Pudlove]

BF thinks that later when we do upgrade, it's something that we would both 100% agree on

I already discussed the issue with BF yesterday and we are moving ahead with the ring and will figure it out when we receive it

That was a healthy conversation you two had.

Obviously, there was a miscommunication, frustration and the lack of researching before the purchase. You ended up with a ring that you may not like. You had conversation, and BF agreed that the process will be better next time you upgrade (and perhaps for other future major purchases as well). He is accommodating. He even agreed to figure it out when you receive the final ring; he is open to other options.

It sounds like a process that many young couples go through, including myself.

Right, I want him go agree to the ring himself as well but also balance my wants - even if "it's a gift to me" his opinion matters.
At least we can move on forward!

 

[Pudlove]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

 

[msop04]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

Pud, kudos to you for a wonderful attitude! [emoji1360] Please do come back and post pics of your ring -- I'm sure it will be stunning!

Best of luck to you in your upcoming marriage!

 

[cmd2014]

Sometimes these things are blessings in disguise. You've learned more about him and what he values, and about yourself and what you want, and the two of you have learned quite a bit through this in how to communicate to each other and problem solve together (and I'm super glad that you have talked about upgrading and he is on board). I suspect he is the kind of guy who is going to value substance over show every time, which is not a bad thing, really. Personally I'd rather be in a smaller, better quality car/house and have fewer but higher quality pieces (clothes, accessories, jewelry) than bigger/more of less.

Also, I think we need to recognize that different cultures define "quality" in very different ways. Here in North America we tend to emphasize size over everything else, but many cultures would not look favourably on a large stone that has lower colour, clarity or cut, because it would be seen as large but without much intrinsic value.

 

[acaw2015]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

Pud, kudos to you for a wonderful attitude! [emoji1360] Please do come back and post pics of your ring -- I'm sure it will be stunning!

Best of luck to you in your upcoming marriage!

+1!

 

[cjhom]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

I believe you made the right decision. Try not to get tangled up in the numbers.. you're getting more than just a ring-you're getting a promise--be more excited for that. You know him better than all of us ever will so trust your instincts and act accordingly. You'd make a wonderful fiance to him.. I can tell you care about him very much.

 

[swingirl]

Please post your ring when you get it. I have seen so many beautiful rings on PS that I never would have thought were my taste. But seeing it on a finger made me rethink what I liked. You really have to see it on to appreciate it.

I hope it turns out better than you expected!

 

[Sandyc]

Hi. I am not a regular here. I think what you picked is lovely and it may really grow on you. I just inherited my mom's 2.38 pear which I never liked. In fact I really wasn't into diamonds. I really tried to like it. I put it in a new setting and at first I thought it was too huge and gaudy and just not me. I changed my mind and now I love it. A mind is a wonderful thing. It can change if you decide so. Good luck and enjoy your ring. Create on it!

 

[Crazie4Cuts]

Pudlove, thanks so much for posting! Wishing you all the best and sending you hugs! You know you're guy, been with him 9 years and glad you did have your ring discussion again! I definitely had have buyers remorse (We bought the ugliest house on the block and we bought it in one day! How's that for buyer's remorse?? We both had to fumigate the home before moving in and remodel while we lived in the house!), but one thing for sure at least we did make decisions together! And for you both too, you will make decisions together and go from there! Here's to you and together you'll be fine!

 

[molldoll64]

I think you should wait for the finished product. I don't think you did anything wrong here. This is probably the first situation you and your bf have been in like this while you have been dating. He clearly just wants the best for you and he cares about you or else you guys wouldn't have been together for 9 years or going through this process of engagement ring shopping. It seems like you both were just very new to this experience, he didn't know much about diamonds and that led to him not expanding into what you originally wanted. I would take this as a learning experience and just because it went this way this time its not determining the rest of your life together. take it as a learning experience to do better the next time when you are ready to upgrade, and who knows you may love the ring so much that you may not want to upgrade, you never know lol. I wish you the very best and i hope when you see the ring its beautiful and you fall in love with it Post pics when you get it!!

 

[ElizabethR]

Pud, I believe y'all are going to love the ring, and I can't wait to see the pics.

Wishing you both all the very best.

 

[Pudlove]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

I believe you made the right decision. Try not to get tangled up in the numbers.. you're getting more than just a ring-you're getting a promise--be more excited for that. You know him better than all of us ever will so trust your instincts and act accordingly. You'd make a wonderful fiance to him.. I can tell you care about him very much.

Thank you so much! We are practically married, we live together... He pays all the bills.. Etc!
So yes I'm totally excited about our story coming to full circle.

 

[Pudlove]

Please post your ring when you get it. I have seen so many beautiful rings on PS that I never would have thought were my taste. But seeing it on a finger made me rethink what I liked. You really have to see it on to appreciate it.

I hope it turns out better than you expected!

Thank you for the well wishes!
I couldn't try on this setting b/c is was a small size at a Robbins bro and I couldn't "try" on the diamond because it was GIA sealed.
So when he slips it on my finger it truly will be the first time it'll be on my finger.

I will post pictures/updates for sure.

 

[Pudlove]

Hi. I am not a regular here. I think what you picked is lovely and it may really grow on you. I just inherited my mom's 2.38 pear which I never liked. In fact I really wasn't into diamonds. I really tried to like it. I put it in a new setting and at first I thought it was too huge and gaudy and just not me. I changed my mind and now I love it. A mind is a wonderful thing. It can change if you decide so. Good luck and enjoy your ring. Create on it!

Your situation I would think it's harder because it was your mother's ring (kinda force to like it since it has sentimental value).
And here I am complaining about my 2nd choice like a big baby. Lol first world problems indeed.

I can always change the setting and "create" for sure. But who knows I might end up loving it.
Thank you for your kind words, needed it after all the tough love approach most people used.

 

[Pudlove]

Pudlove, thanks so much for posting! Wishing you all the best and sending you hugs! You know you're guy, been with him 9 years and glad you did have your ring discussion again! I definitely had have buyers remorse (We bought the ugliest house on the block and we bought it in one day! How's that for buyer's remorse?? We both had to fumigate the home before moving in and remodel while we lived in the house!), but one thing for sure at least we did make decisions together! And for you both too, you will make decisions together and go from there! Here's to you and together you'll be fine!

.... And here I am being a big baby about a ring. First world problems indeed. Lol
Thank you for your well wishes! It was definitely needed!

 

[Pudlove]

I think you should wait for the finished product. I don't think you did anything wrong here. This is probably the first situation you and your bf have been in like this while you have been dating. He clearly just wants the best for you and he cares about you or else you guys wouldn't have been together for 9 years or going through this process of engagement ring shopping. It seems like you both were just very new to this experience, he didn't know much about diamonds and that led to him not expanding into what you originally wanted. I would take this as a learning experience and just because it went this way this time its not determining the rest of your life together. take it as a learning experience to do better the next time when you are ready to upgrade, and who knows you may love the ring so much that you may not want to upgrade, you never know lol. I wish you the very best and i hope when you see the ring its beautiful and you fall in love with it Post pics when you get it!!

Awww, seriously thank you so much for your kinds words of encouragement!
It definitely was the first situation BF and I have ever been in, we've been together since 20 years old, so this is our first engagement process EVER.
Learning lesson for sure, and really excited for the proposal/ring.
I will post pictures for sure!!

 

[Pudlove]

Pud, I believe y'all are going to love the ring, and I can't wait to see the pics.

Wishing you both all the very best.

I have a feeling after this post and hearing everyone's input, I will love it!
Thank you for your sweet wishes!
I very much appreciate it!

 

[Polished]

I'm very much of the opinion that personal choice is important but your post really showed what a strange beast the engagement ring can be. It's for you but it's also a gift. I had a friend who used to work in a jewellery shop that sold engagement rings. She said that when couples came in sometimes the woman would ask her boyfriend what he thought, of this ring or that one, and he'd say something like, "I don't know, it's your ring", ie complete indifference and lack of interest in the whole ring thing. Your fiance, on the other hand, has at least sent you a message that he thinks you are worthy of "quality" and taken an interest in the ring, even if it would have been better had he allowed you more control over it all. If there is an upgrade in the future, I'd be inclined to put some of your own money into it so you would have your own control over the outcome. I hope you enjoy your ring - it sounds lovely.

 

[Sandyc]

I'm glad you are feeling better about it. I know how much anxiety can go into a project like this. Its really easy to second guess yourself. Diamonds are beautiful and you're not going to go wrong even if it was a second choice. The second choice may be something that you like more over a long period of time. Loving and liking are all considerations like a magic spell that you cast over something anyway. The ball is in your court! I bet when you see it in person you are going to enjoy that setting.

 

[lioness]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read/reply.
Although I don't agree with everyone's opinions, I respect them.

Was my issue the ideal situation? No.
Was there a lot of shoulda, woulda, couldas? Yes.

But I'm glad I got everyone's input because it made me realize a lot.
One thing especially, that the ring although is an important aspect, it isn't everything that everyone is making it to be.
I would marry this man with or without the damn ring.
And his opinion matters to me regardless if I didn't get exactly what I wanted.

In the end, it was still my decision to pick the setting and the diamond (no one held a gun to my head).
And it was all on me, not BF.

Going on forward, I will voice my opinion (trust me when I say I always do).
And hopefully, my situation will be a lesson to other couples out there.
You live, you learn, and move on.

In other news, I'm actually pretty excited to receive the ring now!

You're going to be a 3L this fall? This ring situation doesn't bode well for communication in the relationship. Don't stop practicing. Ever. Even of you have kids. Even if he pressures you to stop. Even if your hours suck. You might need the independent income someday. This from an attorney who has been there.