Seeking Advice: Is it too late for buyers remorse?

[msop04]

On the bright side.
1. There is upgrade policy. I hope you have this in a written form with full details such any restriction, how much to spend, vendor's right to alter the policy, etc...
2. At least, your BF tried to get you a "QUALITY" diamond, although his definition of "QUALITY" is debatable and is not what you wanted. He did some research and went with a GIA diamond. There are so many people who are stuck with IGI/EGL diamonds.
3. I think the setting is beautiful. Many will be jealous of you.
4. Congratulation.

#silverlinings [emoji16]

 

[Pudlove]

Hey OP,

to my mind this is more a question about the dynamic between you and your SO than it is about diamonds. It seems that you already know that an F VVS2 isn't the best bang for your buck, so none of us, I think, will have much to add on that front.

FWIW (and it may be worth very little indeed) I am in a situation very similar to yours: long-term relationship, young professionals with somewhat limited means and a man who can be obstinate when he sets his mind on something (no offence intended here - just distilling your story). I have been involved in and have in fact directed the diamond-buying process from the start because it's so important to me that I get the ring that I want. Frankly, I don't really care that much what he likes or doesn't - my ring, my decision (as I see it - others may disagree). I even added to the budget to get what I want. After all, I would have to live with the regret that comes along with wearing a ring that I don't like every single day for the rest of my life (it's clear to me and my SO that I have one kick at the engagement ring can: I probably won't ever upgrade given the crazy real estate markets in the cities we live in). Are you sure you will be able to upgrade? In how long? Can you wait that long?

All this is meant to say: if it's very important to you, pick this battle and stand your ground to get the ring you want. I suspect you'll be glad you did, particularly because it will set a good precedent of mutual respect for your marriage. But I'm a fierce feminist and hate the prospect of a man picking out anything for me - let alone a permanent piece of my jewelry suite.

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

I think you answered your own question!

Yes, but I appreciate your input and everyone else's as well.

 

[Pudlove]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

Because hopefully by 10 years, we will have more $ to get the size and quality we will both be happy with. Plus, I should see the ring first to decide... We haven't received it yet.

 

[Pudlove]

On the bright side.
1. There is upgrade policy. I hope you have this in a written form with full details such any restriction, how much to spend, vendor's right to alter the policy, etc...
2. At least, your BF tried to get you a "QUALITY" diamond, although his definition of "QUALITY" is debatable and is not what you wanted. He did some research and went with a GIA diamond. There are so many people who are stuck with IGI/EGL diamonds.
3. I think the setting is beautiful. Many will be jealous of you.
4. Congratulation.

Thank you so much!! Great points!

 

[Pudlove]

It sounds like there is nothing you can do because you cannot put a larger stone in a setting made for a 1.2ct stone.

If my fiance insisted I get what he wanted and not what I wanted I would say, "Let's skip the ering until we can afford what I want."
It doesn't prevent you from getting married with a band. If he still insists on my-way-or-the-highway, you might want to consider how this will play out with other financial decisions once you are married.

But for now I think you are going to have to live with your ring because it doesn't sound returnable.Your man is not alone in thinking his opinion is more important than yours since he is paying for it. I am afraid taking this any further will not leave good feelings behind for either of you. You did agree to your 2nd choice and the setting was your first choice.

Right, it was still MY choice even though it wasn't my first choice.

 

[msop04]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

Because hopefully by 10 years, we will have more $ to get the size and quality we will both be happy with. Plus, I should see the ring first to decide... We haven't received it yet.

No offense, Pud, but it sounds like you already know what you want and are just hoping he subscribes to it as well. Ten years is a long time. By "the size and quality we will both be happy with," I think you mean what HE will agree to...

He's already chosen the quality FOR you, so I don't see him being too keen on you wanting to change. If he was open to it, he would've gone ahead and let you get your first choice FIRST... Not years and years later. It sounds like it's not really about the ring, but about him having HIS way -- with your ring. [emoji19]

...but I could be wrong. [emoji52]

 

[MollyMalone]

* * *
Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).
It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]

Pssst... This is not a sample setting the jeweler had in their showcase. Simon G. is crafting a new one for that particular stone and in her ring size, so it is a special order. The jeweler will not be able to return it to Simon G. for a refund of his cost & cannot count on being able to sell it in the near future to another customer with a size 5 ring finger. So it's par for the course for just about any jeweler -- bricks-and-mortar or an online retailer (e.g., Good Old Gold) -- to decline to accept a return, with full refund, of such an order.

 

[Pudlove]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

I love you msop04...

Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

I love YOU, sox!! [emoji8][emoji8][emoji8][emoji12]

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).

It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]

Our jeweler had to call his relative to order the ring and sold it to us at cost because I didn't want to have it made by them since I am OCD on details and was afraid that it wouldn't turn out the same. (I saw this setting in person at a Robbins bros)
Thus, that's why its final sale. They told me this before I agreed to it.
And I did agree to it. I am happy with my choice nonetheless.

 

[msop04]

* * *
Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).
It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]

Pssst... This is not a sample setting the jeweler had in their showcase. Simon G. is crafting a new one for that particular stone and in her ring size, so it is a special order. The jeweler will not be able to return it to Simon G. for a refund of his cost & cannot count on being able to sell it in the near future to another customer with a size 5 ring finger. So it's par for the course for just about any jeweler -- bricks-and-mortar or an online retailer (e.g., Good Old Gold) -- to decline to accept a return, with full refund, of such an order.

I can see that Molly... it just stinks that this wasn't even the OP's first choice.

 

[Pudlove]

I have talked to him about this but at this point I feel like it's too late to start the process all over again and losing the money we paid for the setting. although this isn't the #1 ring I wanted. It is my #2 and the number two, he likes it and loves it. So I did pick my battle.. I do plan to upgrade.. Maybe in 10 years.. Who knows.

My question to you is...

Is he going to get all bijiggity when you want to upgrade? Why wait ten years? Do it now! It's not really an upgrade if it costs the same...

Because hopefully by 10 years, we will have more $ to get the size and quality we will both be happy with. Plus, I should see the ring first to decide... We haven't received it yet.

No offense, Pud, but it sounds like you already know what you want and are just hoping he subscribes to it as well. Ten years is a long time. By "the size and quality we will both be happy with," I think you mean what HE will agree to...

He's already chosen the quality FOR you, so I don't see him being too keen on you wanting to change. If he was open to it, he would've gone ahead and let you get your first choice FIRST... Not years and years later. It sounds like it's not really about the ring, but about him having HIS way -- with your ring. [emoji19]

...but I could be wrong. [emoji52]

You have to understand that I did pick out this diamond and setting. He agreed happily with it, he just didn't entertain the 2 carat idea.

 

[Pudlove]

* * *
Also agree with msop04 on return policy. I don't see how a setting that you don't even wear cannot be returned. A size 5 is not a special order.

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).
It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]

Pssst... This is not a sample setting the jeweler had in their showcase. Simon G. is crafting a new one for that particular stone and in her ring size, so it is a special order. The jeweler will not be able to return it to Simon G. for a refund of his cost & cannot count on being able to sell it in the near future to another customer with a size 5 ring finger. So it's par for the course for just about any jeweler -- bricks-and-mortar or an online retailer (e.g., Good Old Gold) -- to decline to accept a return, with full refund, of such an order.

Exactly. You couldn't have explained it any better

 

[msop04]

I love YOU, sox!! [emoji8][emoji8][emoji8][emoji12]

I have to agree with sox -- if the ring hasn't been taken home, you shouldn't be under any obligation to take it, as it hasn't been worn. Sizing a ring does NOT make it special order (the exception would be an eternity band, for obvious reasons).

It sounds like this reputable jeweler isn't so reputable, IMO. [emoji52] [emoji196]

Our jeweler had to call his relative to order the ring and sold it to us at cost because I didn't want to have it made by them since I am OCD on details and was afraid that it wouldn't turn out the same. (I saw this setting in person at a Robbins bros)
Thus, that's why its final sale. They told me this before I agreed to it.
And I did agree to it. I am happy with my choice nonetheless.

I'm glad you're happy with the choice, but I guess I'm just confused by what you said in the opening post, your tone, and the title of "Buyer's Remorse"...

It's a lovely ring -- don't get me wrong! But it sounds like you're trying to justify it with yourself now to keep from acknowledging the bigger problem here -- the issue of your FH's lack of concern for what you want vs what he wants for you. That is all.

 

[lovedogs]

No offense, Pud, but it sounds like you already know what you want and are just hoping he subscribes to it as well. Ten years is a long time. By "the size and quality we will both be happy with," I think you mean what HE will agree to...

He's already chosen the quality FOR you, so I don't see him being too keen on you wanting to change. If he was open to it, he would've gone ahead and let you get your first choice FIRST... Not years and years later. It sounds like it's not really about the ring, but about him having HIS way -- with your ring. [emoji19]

...but I could be wrong. [emoji52]

This is how I feel as well. I think the setting is gorgeous, but what I think doesn't matter...this is the OP's ring, and one she should theoretically love forever (although many of us know that we end up changing over time). That shouldn't be your feeling in the beginning, and your BF should want you to be 100% happy.

Especially since it sounds like he really doesnt know much about diamonds...I might understand him being more picky if he were a jeweler himself or something, but it just sounds like he is being stubborn and somewhat bratty (sorry, just my thoughts).

I just don't see why you should have to go along with his wishes when he's buying for YOU! As others have said, would you insist on buying a present for him that YOU liked if it wasn't his first choice? I doubt it. It sounds like this might be something to address now rather than later, since I'm not positive he will be OK with you wanting to upgrade down the road...I assume later it will be still about HIS wishes--just maybe with a larger budget.



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[msop04]

Our jeweler had to call his relative to order the ring and sold it to us at cost because I didn't want to have it made by them since I am OCD on details and was afraid that it wouldn't turn out the same. (I saw this setting in person at a Robbins bros)
Thus, that's why its final sale. They told me this before I agreed to it.
And I did agree to it. I am happy with my choice nonetheless.

It's upsetting because what he is spending on it not what I initially wanted. I ended up picking my second choice to make him happy.

This doesn't sound like happiness, OP. Please don't feel like we're attacking you. We just want you to be happy with your ring AND in your marriage. We just see these type threads a lot...

 

[flyingpig]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

 

[msop04]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

She knows her BF didn't care about her feelings, which is why she is posting. Where is there to go from there if he won't even entertain what she likes and wants?

I don't think it will matter what the OP thinks of the ring or what options the jeweler may give... The issue is with the FH. I don't think he would agree to change... If he were interested in what his fiancé wanted, he would have given her HER first choice, not his. Not that it matters, bc it seems the OP will wear the ring he chose for her, regardless of her true feelings. Hopefully, she will truly love it.

Real talk... if she did, this thread wouldn't exist. [emoji17]

 

[Pudlove]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

You are seriously speaking my language!

I respect everyone's input, advices, and opinion but flyingpig really hit the nail on the head.
I think at this point.. I will wait to see the finished ring and see if it gives me the feels.

 

[flyingpig]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

She knows her BF didn't care about her feelings, which is why she is posting. Where is there to go from there if he won't even entertain what she likes and wants?

I don't think it will matter what the OP thinks of the ring or what options the jeweler may give... The issue is with the FH. I don't think he would agree to change... If he were interested in what his fiancé wanted, he would have given her HER first choice, not his. Not that it matters, bc it seems the OP will wear the ring he chose for her, regardless of her true feelings. Hopefully, she will truly love it.

Real talk... if she did, this thread wouldn't exist. [emoji17]

I hear you. I would like to think more positively.
I am a guy, and we can be stubborn.

The last thing we want to see is lady's unhappy face. If the OP truly does not like the finished ring, I am hopeful that her BF may change his mind. I am not silverlining or sugar coating. I am being realistically optimistic IMHO.

 

[lovedogs]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

You are seriously speaking my language!

I respect everyone's input, advices, and opinion but flyingpig really hit the nail on the head.
I think at this point.. I will wait to see the finished ring and see if it gives me the feels.

I really hope you do love it in person, OP! We just want to see you happy and in love with your ring, and I worry that this might be setting a precedent for what will happen in the future in terms of his wishes versus yours. But sorry for potentially being overly harsh...please show pics when you receive it and let us know how everything goes [emoji2]


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[jewels2]

"But BF was adamant on going for quality versus quantity.
And every time I brought up going bigger, he would get so angry and refused to discuss it or listen to me.
So I sat back and agreed to what we have now.

It's upsetting because what he is spending on it not what I initially wanted.
I ended up picking my second choice to make him happy."

Hmmmm.......maybe he should propose to himself since he picked what HE wanted. Is there a return policy in case you DON'T like the ring?

UGH I agree I hate when I hear guys doing this

 

[msop04]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

You are seriously speaking my language!

I respect everyone's input, advices, and opinion but flyingpig really hit the nail on the head.
I think at this point.. I will wait to see the finished ring and see if it gives me the feels.

I really hope you do love it in person, OP! We just want to see you happy and in love with your ring, and I worry that this might be setting a precedent for what will happen in the future in terms of his wishes versus yours. But sorry for potentially being overly harsh...please show pics when you receive it and let us know how everything goes [emoji2]


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Yes! Please show us! [emoji1360]

 

[msop04]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

She knows her BF didn't care about her feelings, which is why she is posting. Where is there to go from there if he won't even entertain what she likes and wants?

I don't think it will matter what the OP thinks of the ring or what options the jeweler may give... The issue is with the FH. I don't think he would agree to change... If he were interested in what his fiancé wanted, he would have given her HER first choice, not his. Not that it matters, bc it seems the OP will wear the ring he chose for her, regardless of her true feelings. Hopefully, she will truly love it.

Real talk... if she did, this thread wouldn't exist. [emoji17]

I hear you. I would like to think more positively.
I am a guy, and we can be stubborn.

The last thing we want to see is lady's unhappy face. If the OP truly does not like the finished ring, I am hopeful that her BF may change his mind. I am not silverlining or sugar coating. I am being realistically optimistic IMHO.

Nothing wrong with hopefulness and positivity! [emoji4][emoji1360]

 

[Pudlove]

I think the OP has a mixed feeling. She was involved, but she did not fully get what she really wanted. She understands BF's intention, but wishes BF listens to her more.

I say.. sit back, and wait until you see the finished ring, If you don't like the finished ring, talk to the jeweller and ask what your options are, and go from there.

She knows her BF didn't care about her feelings, which is why she is posting. Where is there to go from there if he won't even entertain what she likes and wants?

I don't think it will matter what the OP thinks of the ring or what options the jeweler may give... The issue is with the FH. I don't think he would agree to change... If he were interested in what his fiancé wanted, he would have given her HER first choice, not his. Not that it matters, bc it seems the OP will wear the ring he chose for her, regardless of her true feelings. Hopefully, she will truly love it.

Real talk... if she did, this thread wouldn't exist. [emoji17]

I hear you. I would like to think more positively.
I am a guy, and we can be stubborn.

The last thing we want to see is lady's unhappy face. If the OP truly does not like the finished ring, I am hopeful that her BF may change his mind. I am not silverlining or sugar coating. I am being realistically optimistic IMHO.

Nothing wrong with hopefulness and positivity! [emoji4][emoji1360]

Oh for sure I'll post pictures!
I am always the positive type but discussing this with my family/friends - they of course tend to be more biased.
But seriously it's so helpful to let this out (even to strangers).

Thank you everyone! (Harsh or not)
I have thick skin, I can handle it

 

[cmd2014]

Pudlove,

I have a slightly different perspective after reading your thread. You've said repeatedly that you agreed to this stone and this setting. You've also said that you weren't assertive about what you really wanted and went ahead and agreed to something that is both hugely important and very expensive that 1) is non refundable and 2) you won't be happy with, because you didn't want to have a disagreement where you negotiated a solution that worked for you both before making one of the larger purchases a couple will make together. So the problem may not be that your BF isn't listening to you (or that he has a different opinion than you on what to value more), but rather your willingness to go along to get along while hiding your feelings from him and instead choosing to talk to eveyone but the person you need to talk to, which is your BF. And you may owe him an apology if you cause him to lose money on this ring by allowing him to buy it when you knew you didn't want it.

I'd also point out that a 1.26 carat stone with that type of setting (half off or not) is not "a very modest budget." If he can't trust you to speak up loud and clear and to let him know when something this important isn't working for you, this won't bode well going forward. People who fail to be assertive often imagine that they are avoiding conflict, but although you might avoid it in the short term, this actually creates it in the long term.

So since the ring is both a gift and non refundable, and since you agreed to it, you might need to learn to love it and see it as a meditation on the importance of having a voice in your relationship(s).

 

[Mayk]

This can be an overwhelming decision with too many choices and a bunch of factors to balance. (Cut, color, clarity, etc). You have come to a forum where many of us didn't love our first, second or third choice. (On my 6th reset married 5 years ). The good news, like was previously stated, the stone is GIA, great color and clarity and I think you will be surprised by the real estate/finger coverage with your substantial halo setting. It's lovely. Relax, enjoy and like the rest of us plot later for your next diamond adventure. Hang out here awhile and you will find more ideas about what you would like for your upgrade.

 

[soxfan]

Pudlove,

I have a slightly different perspective after reading your thread. You've said repeatedly that you agreed to this stone and this setting. You've also said that you weren't assertive about what you really wanted and went ahead and agreed to something that is both hugely important and very expensive that 1) is non refundable and 2) you won't be happy with, because you didn't want to have a disagreement where you negotiated a solution that worked for you both before making one of the larger purchases a couple will make together. So the problem may not be that your BF isn't listening to you (or that he has a different opinion than you on what to value more), but rather your willingness to go along to get along while hiding your feelings from him and instead choosing to talk to eveyone but the person you need to talk to, which is your BF. And you may owe him an apology if you cause him to lose money on this ring by allowing him to buy it when you knew you didn't want it.

I'd also point out that a 1.26 carat stone with that type of setting (half off or not) is not "a very modest budget." If he can't trust you to speak up loud and clear and to let him know when something this important isn't working for you, this won't bode well going forward. People who fail to be assertive often imagine that they are avoiding conflict, but although you might avoid it in the short term, this actually creates it in the long term.

So since the ring is both a gift and non refundable, and since you agreed to it, you might need to learn to love it and see it as a meditation on the importance of having a voice in your relationship(s).

+1

I hope the diamond and setting you picked out is all you hoped it would be.

 

[Pudlove]

This can be an overwhelming decision with too many choices and a bunch of factors to balance. (Cut, color, clarity, etc). You have come to a forum where many of us didn't love our first, second or third choice. (On my 6th reset married 5 years ). The good news, like was previously stated, the stone is GIA, great color and clarity and I think you will be surprised by the real estate/finger coverage with your substantial halo setting. It's lovely. Relax, enjoy and like the rest of us plot later for your next diamond adventure. Hang out here awhile and you will find more ideas about what you would like for your upgrade.

Thank you, I needed that. While most people are (respectively) going into the psychological aspect of the problem, I just needed a good kick in the butt to relax and "plot for the next".

PS your 6th?? Your SO is a trooper lol

 

[Pudlove]

Pudlove,

I have a slightly different perspective after reading your thread. You've said repeatedly that you agreed to this stone and this setting. You've also said that you weren't assertive about what you really wanted and went ahead and agreed to something that is both hugely important and very expensive that 1) is non refundable and 2) you won't be happy with, because you didn't want to have a disagreement where you negotiated a solution that worked for you both before making one of the larger purchases a couple will make together. So the problem may not be that your BF isn't listening to you (or that he has a different opinion than you on what to value more), but rather your willingness to go along to get along while hiding your feelings from him and instead choosing to talk to eveyone but the person you need to talk to, which is your BF. And you may owe him an apology if you cause him to lose money on this ring by allowing him to buy it when you knew you didn't want it.

I'd also point out that a 1.26 carat stone with that type of setting (half off or not) is not "a very modest budget." If he can't trust you to speak up loud and clear and to let him know when something this important isn't working for you, this won't bode well going forward. People who fail to be assertive often imagine that they are avoiding conflict, but although you might avoid it in the short term, this actually creates it in the long term.

So since the ring is both a gift and non refundable, and since you agreed to it, you might need to learn to love it and see it as a meditation on the importance of having a voice in your relationship(s).

Trust me when I say that my communication skills with this particular issue was voiced, plenty of times, but I still went with his wishes.
I picked my battles definitely and now paying for it.

 

[Pudlove]

Pudlove,

I have a slightly different perspective after reading your thread. You've said repeatedly that you agreed to this stone and this setting. You've also said that you weren't assertive about what you really wanted and went ahead and agreed to something that is both hugely important and very expensive that 1) is non refundable and 2) you won't be happy with, because you didn't want to have a disagreement where you negotiated a solution that worked for you both before making one of the larger purchases a couple will make together. So the problem may not be that your BF isn't listening to you (or that he has a different opinion than you on what to value more), but rather your willingness to go along to get along while hiding your feelings from him and instead choosing to talk to eveyone but the person you need to talk to, which is your BF. And you may owe him an apology if you cause him to lose money on this ring by allowing him to buy it when you knew you didn't want it.

I'd also point out that a 1.26 carat stone with that type of setting (half off or not) is not "a very modest budget." If he can't trust you to speak up loud and clear and to let him know when something this important isn't working for you, this won't bode well going forward. People who fail to be assertive often imagine that they are avoiding conflict, but although you might avoid it in the short term, this actually creates it in the long term.

So since the ring is both a gift and non refundable, and since you agreed to it, you might need to learn to love it and see it as a meditation on the importance of having a voice in your relationship(s).

+1

I hope the diamond and setting you picked out is all you hoped it would be.

Thank you!

 

[cmd2014]

Trust me when I say that my communication skills with this particular issue was voiced, plenty of times, but [b]I still went with his wishes.
I picked my battles definitely and now paying for it[/b].

That's exactly what I'm talking about. You didn't have to. You could have said "maybe we shouldn't make such an important purchase until we can agree on something that will make us both happy. Let me show you some things that I like that are in budget and we can talk more about this once you can see what I'm talking about." Or, "please don't buy me something I know I won't like and won't want to wear" Or asking why he doesn't want to sacrifice color, clarity, or cut for size (while keeping an open mind that maybe he has some valid reasons for this), and showing him info that you think supports your argument for doing so (and negotiating a mutually satisfactory solution rather than giving in and kicking yourself for it).

But now he's paying for something you don't want and you're feeling that your proposal/ring is tainted, all because of your having agreed to something that you knew you didn't want. And you've made your BF seem like an uncaring, emotionally abusive bully. If he is, don't marry him! But I suspect he's not, or you wouldn't be wanting to marry him. I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm just hoping to help you see some things that might spare you some pain later. But feel free to take or leave what works or doesn't for you.

Have you guys talked about upgrading in the future? Not everyone feels the same about this. If you haven't, you should, and as soon as possible.

Ps: I think it's a very blingy ring and will give impressive finger coverage. I think most women would be very happy with it. Fwiw.