question for parents

[Courtneylub]

I''m just glad neither of my parents decided to never see me again after all the court battles drained their pockets.

 

[Kaleigh]

I feel so badly for this little girl. She''s being abused. She needs someone to intervene on her behalf. I hope you do the right thing by her.

 

[Haven]

Date: 10/27/2009 5:12:50 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I feel so badly for this little girl. She''s being abused. She needs someone to intervene on her behalf. I hope you do the right thing by her.

Yes. Big ditto.

 

[Aloros]

Gosh, what a tough situation. If the threat of abuse allegations is always looming, is there any way to get time with her on a supervised basis? And what about documenting instances that might point towards abuse on the mother''s part? There''s something not right about a 7-year-old peeing her pants. What do her teachers think about her behavior?

You can bet if her mother is teaching her to get her way by lying and/or claiming abuse, that this is going to show up in the classroom too. There will be a point at which her allegations stop holding any water.

 

[lucyandroger]

I'm confused

How many estranged daughters does B have???? Here's a post from you in elledizzy's estranged parent thread (highlighting is mine):


ETA - the link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/estranged-parent.128024/

*************************************

Date: 10/23/2009 2:47:40 PM


Author: TooPatient
It ate my post. I'll try again.


B has an estranged daughter. Hasn't seen her since she was about 15. Been about 10 years.

His mother hears from her sometimes and thinks it is good to pass on updates to B.
It hurts him so bad. He is visibly upset for a week or more sometimes.

He DOES NOT want to see her again. EVER.

Don't tell him. All it would do is hurt him and you.


ETA: I haven't spoken to my father in about 5 years. It hurts sometimes, but I have no intention of changing that. The last time I made an effort at having a relationship with him I just got hurt. Again.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 10/27/2009 5:34:30 PM
Author: lucyandroger

I''m confused

How many estranged daughters does B have???? Here''s a post from you in elledizzy''s estranged parent thread (highlighting is mine):


ETA - the link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/estranged-parent.128024/

*************************************

Date: 10/23/2009 2:47:40 PM


Author: TooPatient
It ate my post. I''ll try again.



B has an estranged daughter. Hasn''t seen her since she was about 15. Been about 10 years.


His mother hears from her sometimes and thinks it is good to pass on updates to B.
It hurts him so bad. He is visibly upset for a week or more sometimes.

He DOES NOT want to see her again. EVER.

Don''t tell him. All it would do is hurt him and you.



ETA: I haven''t spoken to my father in about 5 years. It hurts sometimes, but I have no intention of changing that. The last time I made an effort at having a relationship with him I just got hurt. Again.

Yikes, now I hate to think... Too patient, please explain. Something isn''t adding up??

I defer to Freke and Tacori...

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 10/27/2009 5:40:47 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 10/27/2009 5:34:30 PM
Author: lucyandroger


I''m confused

How many estranged daughters does B have???? Here''s a post from you in elledizzy''s estranged parent thread (highlighting is mine):


ETA - the link: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/estranged-parent.128024/

*************************************

Date: 10/23/2009 2:47:40 PM


Author: TooPatient
It ate my post. I''ll try again.




B has an estranged daughter. Hasn''t seen her since she was about 15. Been about 10 years.



His mother hears from her sometimes and thinks it is good to pass on updates to B.
It hurts him so bad. He is visibly upset for a week or more sometimes.

He DOES NOT want to see her again. EVER.

Don''t tell him. All it would do is hurt him and you.




ETA: I haven''t spoken to my father in about 5 years. It hurts sometimes, but I have no intention of changing that. The last time I made an effort at having a relationship with him I just got hurt. Again.

Yikes, now I hate to think... Too patient, please explain. Something isn''t adding up??

I defer to Freke and Tacori...

2.

I met the mother of this one and was there for all of the court stuff. She really IS very messed up.


I''d be really worried that HE was a problem with kids but I''ve seen him with his daughter (the younger one) and other kids. He really is good with them.

I''ve also talked with the psychologists (alone & with B) and they all agree that the mother is the issue. Kind of funny considering we started out with them not trusting B. After a few sessions their attitudes changed entirely.


The only remaining concern I have about B from all this is how it is he wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. (the first sexually, physically, & emotionally abused the kid -- he lost his house, business, all savings to get the kid away from her. It worked for a few years, but the mother manipulated her & at the age of 17 went back)

Left me wondering what is wrong with me. (just kidding)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:10:18 PM
Author: TooPatient


2.

I met the mother of this one and was there for all of the court stuff. She really IS very messed up.


I''d be really worried that HE was a problem with kids but I''ve seen him with his daughter (the younger one) and other kids. He really is good with them.

I''ve also talked with the psychologists (alone & with B) and they all agree that the mother is the issue. Kind of funny considering we started out with them not trusting B. After a few sessions their attitudes changed entirely.


The only remaining concern I have about B from all this is how it is he wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. (the first sexually, physically, & emotionally abused the kid -- he lost his house, business, all savings to get the kid away from her. It worked for a few years, but the mother manipulated her & at the age of 17 went back)

Left me wondering what is wrong with me. (just kidding)

Things that make you go Hm.

So you are telling me he fathered TWO kids, with two different women and doesn''t care to talk to either of them?

Otay. Lemme tell you sumthin''. The remaining concern is not how it is that HE wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. No sirree. The concern is how it is that YOU wound up with ONE REALLY REALLY MESSED UP MAN.

That''s not a pot shot. Think about it. At some point you have to look at the common denominator. And in this case, IT IS HIM.

 

[CNOS128]

I think the child needs a new psychologist.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:15:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/27/2009 6:10:18 PM

Author: TooPatient

2.

I met the mother of this one and was there for all of the court stuff. She really IS very messed up.

I''d be really worried that HE was a problem with kids but I''ve seen him with his daughter (the younger one) and other kids. He really is good with them.

I''ve also talked with the psychologists (alone & with B) and they all agree that the mother is the issue. Kind of funny considering we started out with them not trusting B. After a few sessions their attitudes changed entirely.

The only remaining concern I have about B from all this is how it is he wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. (the first sexually, physically, & emotionally abused the kid -- he lost his house, business, all savings to get the kid away from her. It worked for a few years, but the mother manipulated her & at the age of 17 went back)

Left me wondering what is wrong with me. (just kidding)

Things that make you go Hm.

So you are telling me he fathered TWO kids, with two different women and doesn''t care to talk to either of them?

Otay. Lemme tell you sumthin''. The remaining concern is not how it is that HE wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. No sirree. The concern is how it is that YOU wound up with ONE REALLY REALLY MESSED UP MAN.

That''s not a pot shot. Think about it. At some point you have to look at the common denominator. And in this case, IT IS HIM.

DITTO. TP, your posts are often so off the wall that I sort of think you''re making this all this up for attention. I just can''t imagine ANY REASON for a 24 year old to be with a 50 something year old who has disowned 2 daughters, won''t propose or buy you a nice ring even though he has 2 airplanes, etc.

I''m honestly not trying to be mean but that''s how crazy your relationship looks to the outside observer.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:31:13 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 10/27/2009 6:15:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/27/2009 6:10:18 PM

Author: TooPatient

2.

I met the mother of this one and was there for all of the court stuff. She really IS very messed up.

I''d be really worried that HE was a problem with kids but I''ve seen him with his daughter (the younger one) and other kids. He really is good with them.

I''ve also talked with the psychologists (alone & with B) and they all agree that the mother is the issue. Kind of funny considering we started out with them not trusting B. After a few sessions their attitudes changed entirely.

The only remaining concern I have about B from all this is how it is he wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. (the first sexually, physically, & emotionally abused the kid -- he lost his house, business, all savings to get the kid away from her. It worked for a few years, but the mother manipulated her & at the age of 17 went back)

Left me wondering what is wrong with me. (just kidding)

Things that make you go Hm.

So you are telling me he fathered TWO kids, with two different women and doesn''t care to talk to either of them?

Otay. Lemme tell you sumthin''. The remaining concern is not how it is that HE wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. No sirree. The concern is how it is that YOU wound up with ONE REALLY REALLY MESSED UP MAN.

That''s not a pot shot. Think about it. At some point you have to look at the common denominator. And in this case, IT IS HIM.

DITTO. TP, your posts are often so off the wall that I sort of think you''re making this all this up for attention. I just can''t imagine ANY REASON for a 24 year old to be with a 50 something year old who has disowned 2 daughters, won''t propose or buy you a nice ring even though he has 2 airplanes, etc.

I''m honestly not trying to be mean but that''s how crazy your relationship looks to the outside observer.

Good thing I don''t recall any of TP''s other posts (I don''t read enough on PS these days) or else I might have been even more blunt. But really? I wrote my post above without any of that knowledge. So now I am going to ditto my own post for emphasis.

(That''s the first time I''ve ever done that. So this must be quite amazing!)

 

[Kaleigh]

I can''t wrap my head around this so am leaving this thread. I pray it is a hoax, cause this story is sooooo F***** up I can''t stand it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:44:57 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I can''t wrap my head around this so am leaving this thread. I pray it is a hoax, cause this story is sooooo F***** up I can''t stand it.

OMG, I think that''s the first time I''ve ever heard Kaleigh swear!

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Totally agree with thing2of2- TP, your posts often leave me scratching my head and many times I'm wondering if you're a troll looking to stir things up. This last thread is just beyond reason.

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:46:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/27/2009 6:44:57 PM

Author: Kaleigh

I can''t wrap my head around this so am leaving this thread. I pray it is a hoax, cause this story is sooooo F***** up I can''t stand it.

OMG, I think that''s the first time I''ve ever heard Kaleigh swear!

Wow. This thread broke Kaleigh.

All I can say is that I''m with the people praying for the kids. Wow.

 

[TooPatient]

I wouldn''t believe any of it either if I wasn''t living it. I never imagined that people could be so manipulative and nasty. Who wants to think that anyone is so messed up?

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:59:17 PM
Author: TooPatient
I wouldn''t believe any of it either if I wasn''t living it. I never imagined that people could be so manipulative and nasty. Who wants to think that anyone is so messed up?

I''m assuming you''re talking about everyone else but your boyfriend here. Ever think your boyfriend could be the manipulative and nasty one?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/27/2009 7:09:04 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 10/27/2009 6:59:17 PM

Author: TooPatient

I wouldn't believe any of it either if I wasn't living it. I never imagined that people could be so manipulative and nasty. Who wants to think that anyone is so messed up?

I'm assuming you're talking about everyone else but your boyfriend here. Ever think your boyfriend could be the manipulative and nasty one?

What she said. And add SELFISH to that. He won't spend money on you nor will he commit to you, he doesn't want to provide for his kids, why the HECK are you defending this man?

Sounds like everything he does is for himself. Period.

 

[sctsbride09]

Ive been following this thread since it came up, and I was not going to respond again but in light of new info..TooPatient- this man cut off his ten year old CHILD because she is wetting herself at the age of 7 (which is a sign of abuse btw), do you honestly think that he will stay loyal to YOU? Instead of cutting her off, he should be spending every last dime saving her, while its not too late. And I highly doubt a therapist told you a ten year old is basically a lost cause. You need to realize that this is his child, she was here before you were, not that it matters. You should be encouraging him to get her help.

not complaining about finances when he makes 150,000 a year, if that is true.

 

[KimberlyH]

What a mess, perhaps it''s best that he has decided not be involved with these kids. Going way off topic, I wish you Too Patient, would take a step back and examine why this is the life you''ve choosen; I''ve read several of your posts and I typically end up shaking my head and saying "Wow." Just wow.

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 10/27/2009 8:02:39 PM
Author: KimberlyH
What a mess, perhaps it''s best that he has decided not be involved with these kids. Going way off topic, I wish you Too Patient, would take a step back and examine why this is the life you''ve choosen; I''ve read several of your posts and I typically end up shaking my head and saying ''Wow.'' Just wow.

HI:

What a mess indeed! With stories like this, who would read novels? Altho I''ve never read any of TP''s posts--but muddled thru this one, and if there is any shred of truth in what is written, all I can muster is a big old sad, "yikes".

Sharon

 

[Kaleigh]

TooPatient,
I take abuse very seriously. Your FI has two Ex wives and 2 children who he doesn''t see. The first child he had, but gave her back even after he knew she was abused?? She manipulated him?? If he was a stand up guy, he never would have given his first daughter back to her mother.

Ok so round two, he gets married again.. Mom is nutso, so he tries to take care of DD, but ultimately turns his BACK on her.... Do YOU have any clue what that does to a child?? He wants no contact with his young daughter???

She''s going to have even more issues than she already has, and it''s going to take a lot to bring her back to being able to trust, to love and to cope. God bless her, my heart breaks for her. It really does.

I''d also ask that you reach out to his older daughter. See how she is doing. I am sure she will fill you in on a lot, and it may well be an eye opener for you. And again, I bet no one was there for HER. Can you imagine what she went through???

Ok that''s all.. I said I was done, but clearly I had a few more points to make....

It''s all about the kids, to me they need help, protection and of course lots and lots of love.

 

[lucyandroger]

He owns TWO airplanes but doesn''t think it''s worth the legal fees to rescue his daughter from abuse???? And you''re trying to get him to buy you a diamond ring but he can''t afford to rescue his daughter from abuse????

TooPatient, Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you''re dating a man more than twice your age because you''re missing the father you don''t speak to? Or that maybe B is dating a woman younger than his daughter because he doesn''t speak to the two daughters he has?

Assuming you are right and the two mothers are craaazy, any decent human-being would continue to fight for their child until they had nothing left to give. You just don''t abandon your child.

Gosh, I was just hoping you were a troll making up stories

 

[Dreamer_D]

I wasn''t going to post on this thread again but after reading all the rest I am throwing caution to the wind...

I think a man who abandons two children is a piece of dirt. I dont care what the excuses are. You know what is the constant in these two scenerios? Him.

My own father abandoned first three children and then me, with two different women. I know that he had stories about why he didn''t need to be in our lives too

And he did end up married to another woman after my mom and my half-siblings mom. Luckily they never had kids, I can guarantee 100% that he would not have stuck by them either. I really hope you don''t want kids with this man one day.

I think you should stop making excuses for this man and accept that he abandoned his kids. That is the lowest form of selfishness. What is possibly the appeal?

 

[swingirl]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:31:13 PM
Author: thing2of2

DITTO. TP, your posts are often so off the wall that I sort of think you're making this all this up for attention. I just can't imagine ANY REASON for a 24 year old to be with a 50 something year old who has disowned 2 daughters, won't propose or buy you a nice ring even though he has 2 airplanes, etc.

I'm honestly not trying to be mean but that's how crazy your relationship looks to the outside observer.

TP, haven't you been with your BF for 5 1/2 years?

You've been with BF since you were 18? Good thing you went to college. This man doesn't have a good track record for relationships with females.

 

[swimmer]

In order to rescue his daughters from sociopaths who are crippling them permanently your fiance won''t spend every second of his time and every penny of his money?

I pray to Hashem that you are vigilant in your birth control. Your fiance sees children as disposable.

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 10/27/2009 9:05:32 PM
Author: Kaleigh
TooPatient,

I take abuse very seriously. Your FI has two Ex wives and 2 children who he doesn''t see. The first child he had, but gave her back even after he knew she was abused?? She manipulated him?? If he was a stand up guy, he never would have given his first daughter back to her mother.

BIG ditto to this. When you have kids, you do EVERYTHING in your power to protect them. I''ve been a mom for less than 4 months, but I can tell you there''s no way in hell I would EVER let anyone hurt DS and I know DH feels the same way. If I had been in your bf''s situation and I was being told by the law to give MY child back to an abuser you can be DAMN sure I would have run away with that kid and disappeared.

 

[iluvcarats]

I have two questions for you Toopatient
1. How can you love a man who treats his flesh and blood this way?
2. How can you start a thread about an abused child with "How many hours a week do you use a babysitter?"

This is one of the saddest threads I have ever read. (for all of you)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Not to beat a dead horse but the fact that you are so open minded regarding my comments instead of angry and defensive tells me you might think we are all right. Listen, I don''t know you but I know how hard it is to let go sometimes when you love someone. Maybe you realize B is NOT the man you want to spend your life with. Just like someone said the only constant with his two daughters is HIM. He is to blame for at least some of the problem. I would spend every last penny to protect my child. That is the normal and healthy response for a parent. Someday if you have a child you will understand where we are all coming from. Children are innocent, blameless and so easily molded by outside influences. It is prudent that you provide a healthy and happy environment so they can become healthy and happy adults and in return raise healthy and happy children. B has more than dropped the ball. They have talk shows that revolve around men like him. But I do believe you love him and are blinded by that love. Don''t live your life in fear. Fear of being alone or someone else will hurt you too. You have to believe there is someone better out there for you. I urge you to see a therapist and explore why you are with a man who is so much older than you and obviously does not value or respect you. You MUST take care of YOURSELF. Is this relationship healthy for you? Are you happy? Is this the man you can to have children (if you want children) with? Marriage is hard but we all deserve love and respect. It is in your control. I would hate to see you stay b/c you don''t know what else to do.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 10/27/2009 6:15:49 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Things that make you go Hm.

So you are telling me he fathered TWO kids, with two different women and doesn''t care to talk to either of them?

Otay. Lemme tell you sumthin''. The remaining concern is not how it is that HE wound up with 2 REALLY messed up women. No sirree. The concern is how it is that YOU wound up with ONE REALLY REALLY MESSED UP MAN.

That''s not a pot shot. Think about it. At some point you have to look at the common denominator. And in this case, IT IS HIM.

Word.