OK out with it MonkeyPie!

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:06:01 PM
Author: Kelli
You can pick and pick and pick at this detail or that one, but it really sounds like MonkeyPie AND elledizzy are both in pretty safe and sound relationships as far as STDs go. I really think that complete abstinence is the only 100% way of avoiding ANY complications that come with having sex, and really.... Who wants to do that? It sounds like they''re being a heck of a lot safer and smarter than most people out there, so I don''t see the point in continuing to tell them what they could and could not catch. I think they''re well aware.

A) Believe it or not there are plenty of people who want to practice abstinence. Probably even more than people who want to have multiple partners.
B) I agree that they are being smart and safe, from what they are saying.
C) As my mom used to say, it''s not that I don''t trust your driving, it''s that I don''t trust the other people on the road with you.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:06:01 PM
Author: Kelli
You can pick and pick and pick at this detail or that one, but it really sounds like MonkeyPie AND elledizzy are both in pretty safe and sound relationships as far as STDs go. I really think that complete abstinence is the only 100% way of avoiding ANY complications that come with having sex, and really.... Who wants to do that? It sounds like they''re being a heck of a lot safer and smarter than most people out there, so I don''t see the point in continuing to tell them what they could and could not catch. I think they''re well aware.

Agreed. I think they are fully aware and are (and will continue to do so) taking the proper precautions.

There are no guarantees unless you are 100% abstinent. That goes for everyone...

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:10:48 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 4/7/2009 2:06:01 PM
Author: Kelli
You can pick and pick and pick at this detail or that one, but it really sounds like MonkeyPie AND elledizzy are both in pretty safe and sound relationships as far as STDs go. I really think that complete abstinence is the only 100% way of avoiding ANY complications that come with having sex, and really.... Who wants to do that? It sounds like they''re being a heck of a lot safer and smarter than most people out there, so I don''t see the point in continuing to tell them what they could and could not catch. I think they''re well aware.

Agreed. I think they are fully aware and are (and will continue to do so) taking the proper precautions.

There are no guarantees unless you are 100% abstinent. That goes for everyone...

This is very true. It doesnt hurt to put the info out though.

 

[Maisie]

So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

 

[meresal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

Maisie, I think HPV is something that isn't always contracted thru intercourse... it would be a potential even if you were a 40yr old virgin

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

It''s not 100% safe Maisie because there is always the chance, however slim, that your husband can cheat on you. However your odds ARE probably better than a couple who swings.

Guys, I realize they are aware. That''s clear. My point is that STDs also can infect people who are aware. And they don''t announce their presence with a bell. Therefore you can infect your partner and my "pondering" is wondering how you would feel if you gave something to the one you LOVE by having sex with someone you didn''t love.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:14:50 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

Maisie, I think HPV is something that isn''t always contracted thru intercourse... it would be a potential even if you were a 40yr old virgin

Ok but someone said abstaining from sex is the only way to make sure you are 100% safe. I assumed they weren''t talking about HPV.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM

Author: Maisie

So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

It''s not 100% safe Maisie because there is always the chance, however slim, that your husband can cheat on you. However your odds ARE probably better than a couple who swings.

Guys, I realize they are aware. That''s clear. My point is that STDs also can infect people who are aware. And they don''t announce their presence with a bell. Therefore you can infect your partner and my ''pondering'' is wondering how you would feel if you gave something to the one you LOVE by having sex with someone you didn''t love.

Answer: like sh*t. Which is why I would prevent it at ALL costs.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

It''s not 100% safe Maisie because there is always the chance, however slim, that your husband can cheat on you. However your odds ARE probably better than a couple who swings.

Guys, I realize they are aware. That''s clear. My point is that STDs also can infect people who are aware. And they don''t announce their presence with a bell. Therefore you can infect your partner and my ''pondering'' is wondering how you would feel if you gave something to the one you LOVE by having sex with someone you didn''t love.

If my husband ever cheats on me he won''t have anything to swing!!!!

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:18:23 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 4/7/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

It''s not 100% safe Maisie because there is always the chance, however slim, that your husband can cheat on you. However your odds ARE probably better than a couple who swings.

Guys, I realize they are aware. That''s clear. My point is that STDs also can infect people who are aware. And they don''t announce their presence with a bell. Therefore you can infect your partner and my ''pondering'' is wondering how you would feel if you gave something to the one you LOVE by having sex with someone you didn''t love.

If my husband ever cheats on me he won''t have anything to swing!!!!

hello! LOL

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:17:46 PM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/7/2009 2:16:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM

Author: Maisie

So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

It''s not 100% safe Maisie because there is always the chance, however slim, that your husband can cheat on you. However your odds ARE probably better than a couple who swings.

Guys, I realize they are aware. That''s clear. My point is that STDs also can infect people who are aware. And they don''t announce their presence with a bell. Therefore you can infect your partner and my ''pondering'' is wondering how you would feel if you gave something to the one you LOVE by having sex with someone you didn''t love.

Answer: like sh*t. Which is why I would prevent it at ALL costs.

But the only way to 100% prevent it is for you to abstain from having sex with other men, right? What goes under "all" costs?

Not picking on you MP, but you said you were open to questions. So I''m asking them.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Actually, you are picking, and I was going to add a disclaimer to not even go there. I wish I had, because normally I get along with you just fine. There''s no reason to keep poking at me just because it''s fun for you.

This thread started off fun for me, but now I''m just angry that no one respects me just because I was honest. If Elle wants to continue on, feel free, but I am done here.

 

[TravelingGal]

MP, I am not picking on you. I''m asking you questions that aren''t fun, yes. Probably because I think sometimes things that are fun can lead to things that aren''t fun. That was a lot of the word "fun" in a short period of time.

But I''m geniunely curious as to how you would handle these things. I''m not asking you the questions because it''s fun for me to pick on you. I''m sorry that it comes across as personal.

And since you ladies have been good about telling your personal stories, I''ll tell you mine.

I lost my virginity at 23. I have had very few partners. I use condoms and have been on the pill since I was 20 (yes, before I even had sex because I had irregular periods).

Until I was 26, I only had sex with one partner, who had also been a virgin.

At 28, I took my first solo trip and had a one night stand (or two nights, I can''t remember, but I only remember one night). I was on the pill, we used a condom. The condom BROKE.

At 29, I got tested for all STDs, including HIV. All clean.

At 30, I had a pap smear. It came back slightly irregular. I was called in for a follow up Pap, but I was already on a plane to Europe, where I met TGuy.

4 months later, after my return, I had the repeat pap and it came up that I tested positive for HPV.

I was never going to speak to TGuy again (I told him I didn''t need to fall in love with someone who lived so far away), but I wanted him to know that I could have possibly infected him with it because I didn''t want him to pass it onto another woman without knowing. I wasn''t sure if I even needed to call him because the gyno was pretty blase about it, saying most people who are sexually active carry the virus. But I thought about it good andlong and I called him, and it was one of the hardest calls I ever had to make. He sounded so happy to hear from me. I think he nearly died when I told him I had HPV because he thought I said HIV!

My story turned out alright...I ended up marrying the guy and have not had an irregular pap since (the doc said the HPV has probably "cleared"). I never showed any manifestations of the HPV outside of the irregular pap. But it''s there and who knows if it will ever lead to cervical cancer. I have seen 2 people die of cancer already. Not anything I every want to die of, and now that I have a daughter, I just don''t want to die, period.

Since I''ve had to grapple with this myself, I wonder how much more complicated it would be to have to do it within the context of a marriage. Make sense?

 

[allycat0303]

HPV scares me. We test for some in Canada, but not all. It's through skin-skin contact, linked to cervical cancer, but it's link to oral cancer is a little less well defined. I think you gals are being as careful as you can be. I think even dating-monogamy carries risk. We've had issues with men being HIV positive and refusing to tell their wives, so no one is really safe. And I REALLY feel that almost every man that cheats will lie about it. So as far as I'm concerned, I run a risk to because I'm with my fiance. I don't delude myself with the belief that I'm super safe. I only hope that I am smart enough, and alert to catch him if he cheats.

We've asked ourselves all of the *what if* questions and like Bia I would be afraid to regret it after. But my biggest fear would be the jealousy thing. I'm intrested to know if there has ever been even a *twinge* of jealousy? Or even a moment of insecurity? I generally think that I am *secure* in my looks. But only in the sense that I feel that the way I look has very little to do with who I am, so even if I'm ugly, who cares. A few days ago though, my guy wanted my facebook account because his friend found one of my friends hot and wanted to show him (there are about 45 pictures of her naked on facebook) I felt REALLY bad. Like it was disrespectful and blah blah. Obviously, I'm WAAYYY too insecure for an open relationship. But does it happen that one of you gals is even the slightest, twinge insecure about the other woman? Do you ever compare yourself to the other woman? I mean I *know* my guy loves me, but I can still feel insecure.

For me, if he ever did this, the girl would have to be a) less educated b) either SUPER tall (i.e 6'5) or super short, under 4'0 c) weigh more then me d) Completely unattractive d) over 80 years old. Basically, no one that he could really be attracted to.

TGal: I'm sorry you went through that. It is very, very scary. If I understand though, your smears are normal now, so no worries. My sister, as you well know, has recently entered the dating world once again. She has only been with her husband, the first thing I told her to do was to get guardasil (the vaccine). She's a doctor and didn't think of it!!!!! So I undestand your concern. And I'm one of those people that believed a condom protected us from HPV until my second year of medicine, when the vaccine came out free here. It's one of those viruses that is SO prevalent (here in Quebec I believe 80% or more have been or will be infected by HPV and most of the time, it's ok, but the consequences were deadly. Incidently there was a resident here that got PAP smears EVERY year. In any case, she went in for a control with different obs/gyn and they discovered she had MASSIVE, invasive cervical cancer. She had a massive lesion that her previous obs/gyn never took a sample of. She passed away a few months later, so STD are definitely something to be concerned about.

 

[Bia]

If you''re no longer comfortable discussing this here, then you shouldn''t MP.

The point about being safe was already made clear. To keep going on and on about it, despite the fact that they already said "I get it," is uncalled for. It''s not like questions weren''t answered, they were, but still certain people felt the need to ''poke.'' Why?

The point was driven home already...jeez.

I do respect the fact that you ladies opened up about something so personal. It was enlightening, and fun! Even if a lot of the people here don''t participate in these sorts of relationships, doesn''t mean many of us didn''t enjoy learning. Thanks ladies, again. From me.

 

[galeteia]

Just like to say that judgmental comments serve only the commentator, not the person being judged. Do people really think that comments made on a forum are going to make people ashamed enough to abandon a choice they made in full accord with their spouse? Do people think that their disapproving comments are the first time said sentiments have ever crossed the minds of these couples?

What these people do is none of our business. If we cannot keep our disapproving comments to ourselves, then it serves no purpose but to make us feel better by trying to disquiet elle and MP.

For what it''s worth, this topic is not something I can personally relate to, but I can relate to the satisfaction of making lifestyle choices as a couple with my partner.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:40:31 PM
Author: Bia

I do respect the fact that you ladies opened up about something so personal. It was enlightening, and fun! Even if a lot of the people here don''t participate in these sorts of relationships, doesn''t mean many of us didn''t enjoy learning. Thanks ladies, again. From me.

Same here! While it''s not something I would do at this point in my life, I see nothing wrong with couples behaving as they see fit, and enjoyed hearing about it!

DH often jokes that I can bring girls home whenever I like, and there were some college parties when we were dating that got a little... interesting... but nothing that has carried over to married life.

*shrug*

To each his and her own, and thank you for being willing to discuss it!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:43:04 PM
Author: Galateia
Just like to say that judgmental comments serve only the commentator, not the person being judged. Do people really think that comments made on a forum are going to make people ashamed enough to abandon a choice they made in full accord with their spouse? Do people think that their disapproving comments are the first time said sentiments have ever crossed the minds of these couples?

What these people do is none of our business. If we cannot keep our disapproving comments to ourselves, then it serves no purpose but to make us feel better by trying to disquiet elle and MP.

For what it''s worth, this topic is not something I can personally relate to, but I can relate to the satisfaction of making lifestyle choices as a couple with my partner.

How would we have known about their lifestyle choices unless they brought them up first? I never judged them but I did say I wouldn''t choose that life for myself. It goes against everything I believe in.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:43:04 PM
Author: Galateia
Just like to say that judgmental comments serve only the commentator, not the person being judged. Do people really think that comments made on a forum are going to make people ashamed enough to abandon a choice they made in full accord with their spouse? Do people think that their disapproving comments are the first time said sentiments have ever crossed the minds of these couples?

What these people do is none of our business. If we cannot keep our disapproving comments to ourselves, then it serves no purpose but to make us feel better by trying to disquiet elle and MP.

For what it''s worth, this topic is not something I can personally relate to, but I can relate to the satisfaction of making lifestyle choices as a couple with my partner.

I''m with you there Galateia. Personally, I am not trying to quiet anyone. My questions were sincere - essentially, how do you come to an agreement for an open marriage and how have you considered the issue of bringing unwanted diseases home? It''s a question that would cross most people''s minds, I think.

Bia, I wasn''t aware that this thread was only for "fun" questions. I was asking questions because I really do wonder, and since MP said she was open to questions, I asked. You may think that I was poking, but I assure you, I wasn''t. I only added the happy face emoticons because without them, the tone could be construed as too harsh and judging.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:48:29 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Bia, I wasn''t aware that this thread was only for ''fun'' questions. I was asking questions because I really do wonder, and since MP said she was open to questions, I asked. You may think that I was poking, but I assure you, I wasn''t. I only added the happy face emoticons because without them, the tone could be construed as too harsh and judging.

Who told you this thread was just for ''fun'' questions? Because I know I didn''t.

 

[allycat0303]

I hope my above post isn''t taken to be pushing the STD point. I think Tgal was saying it from a good place, because she''s been through it and doesn''t want anyone else to go through it. I don''t think it was to be judgemental or anything, just verifying that everyone had the correct information. And to for everyone to be safe regardless of their lifestyle.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:17:29 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 4/7/2009 2:14:50 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 4/7/2009 2:13:21 PM
Author: Maisie
So if I only sleep with my husband and none of us have any infections... how can it not be 100% safe?

Maisie, I think HPV is something that isn''t always contracted thru intercourse... it would be a potential even if you were a 40yr old virgin

Ok but someone said abstaining from sex is the only way to make sure you are 100% safe. I assumed they weren''t talking about HPV.

I said 100% safe from ANY complications that come from having sex, including the possiblity of weird diseases that don''t just come from intercourse, and also the problem of unwanted pregnancies. Obviously someone in a monogamous relationship has less to worry about, myself included. I''m just saying that aside from being abstinent (which yes, I realize some people do and I''m glad I''m not one of ''em), there are always risks. There''s risk in getting up every morning. You guys should put that POPCORN down because there''s always the risk that you might choke!

I''m just saying that if people are being fully open with each other and taking every precaution that thay can, it''s not a reason to not live your life the way you want.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:51:15 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 4/7/2009 2:48:29 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Bia, I wasn''t aware that this thread was only for ''fun'' questions. I was asking questions because I really do wonder, and since MP said she was open to questions, I asked. You may think that I was poking, but I assure you, I wasn''t. I only added the happy face emoticons because without them, the tone could be construed as too harsh and judging.

Who told you this thread was just for ''fun'' questions? Because I know I didn''t.

Sorry Bia, I wasn''t directly referring to you, but more derived from MP''s comment that the thread started out fun.

 

[Kelli]

MonkeyPie I am SO SORRY that you are feeling judged! I only started the thread because I really was curious, and FASCINATED. I think it''s awesome that you guys were open enough to share this stuff with us. I really appreciate it, but would not have started if I thought it would end up like this. (I guess I should have THOUGHT a little harder!) But FWIW, I had great fun with this thread and I think it''s great that other responsible adults who choose not to conform to the rules of society can share the ways in which they make their marriages/relationships work. Thank goodness we''re not all the same, how boring would that be?!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/7/2009 2:24:03 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
Actually, you are picking, and I was going to add a disclaimer to not even go there. I wish I had, because normally I get along with you just fine. There''s no reason to keep poking at me just because it''s fun for you.

This thread started off fun for me, but now I''m just angry that no one respects me just because I was honest. If Elle wants to continue on, feel free, but I am done here.

For the record, I really don''t think anyone said they don''t respect you. Just because your lifestyle choice is not shared by others doesn''t mean there is a lack of respect. If anything, I think there have been PLENTY of people who respect your decision on this thread.

Also, apologies if I rubbed you the wrong way. I may be direct, I may be snarky from time to time, but I''ve never intentionally gone out of my way to poke fun at someone because of a lifestyle choice.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 3:11:58 PM
Author: Kelli
MonkeyPie I am SO SORRY that you are feeling judged! I only started the thread because I really was curious, and FASCINATED. I think it''s awesome that you guys were open enough to share this stuff with us. I really appreciate it, but would not have started if I thought it would end up like this. (I guess I should have THOUGHT a little harder!) But FWIW, I had great fun with this thread and I think it''s great that other responsible adults who choose not to conform to the rules of society can share the ways in which they make their marriages/relationships work. Thank goodness we''re not all the same, how boring would that be?!

Ditto. I am always fascinated by stuff like this (curious Bia, I am), and therefore I learned quite a bit. In fact I respect ''the cause'' even more LOL. BUT maybe this wasn''t the best place for this type of thread.

However, you both remain stars in my eyes...don''t knock it till you try it, right?

 

[EricaR]

PSA for everyone discussing the pink rabbit - please do yourself a favor and research phthalates. Safety first!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 4/7/2009 3:22:18 PM
Author: EricaR
PSA for everyone discussing the pink rabbit - please do yourself a favor and research phthalates. Safety first!

Now that''s an STD I was not prepared to combat!

How much do you know about that? How much exposure do you need to cause problems? Does just touching it really do anything?

Im googling right now.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 4/7/2009 3:22:18 PM
Author: EricaR
PSA for everyone discussing the pink rabbit - please do yourself a favor and research phthalates. Safety first!

Why must anything fun be bad for you in some way? I KNEW that chemical odor was weird...

 

[purrfectpear]

As someone who lived through the 70''s this whole thread has me cracking up.

We have a poster who "thinks" she has an open marriage but hasn''t even been to bed with another partner yet, much less in a threesome, who then gets huffy about being "judged"

Seriously? If you can''t take some ribbing by PS friends about it, I sincerely hope you do NOT pursue open marriage, ''cause I''m not predicting a happy ending once your hubby comes home smelling of perfume

I never bothered with an open marriage but I did have an open SO, with a funny ending. He was older and far more sophisticated. I was less experienced and not at all sure I was into this. It was all good as long as it was all fun and games, but he sure sang a different tune when the chick showed an interest in continuing to see me, and not so much him.