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pyramid

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 4/9/2009 1:42:02 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk



Date: 4/9/2009 1:33:17 PM
Author: Pyramid



Well, my ex-husband when we were together told me this woman at work had an open relationship. Now we never discussed and he knew I would never ever be into that type of thing and if he wanted it then it would be over.









However, I find out a year after he told me this, that he had had sex with her 6 years prior and not only that but they had a 3 and a half year old child which he had kept from me and probably from her husband too, now her ex. He is now living with this other woman and her other two children to two previous relationships, she was married twice.







Now whether he was with her or not, there is no way I would have been with him when I found out he cheated on me, let alone him having a child. But then again I know in myself that I would never cheat on anyone and I would disrespect anyone who suggested cheating on someone to go out with me, no way I would see anyone with a girlfriend or wife. I even told a friends one night stand off one time for flirting with me








I just think these open relationships are asking for trouble. Just my opinion but I if you find it works for you then that's fine
Wait. They had a three year old together that you didn't know about and her then husband didn't know about? Where was the kid???
The kid was with her and her then husband. I don't know what he knew, due to the open relationship. He has the child every second weekend along with their child and her child from her first marriage. I do know that I was at the child's christening though with my then husband, and his brother's daughter was being christened the same day at a church miles away from where they all stayed which just happened to be in the town where my husbands other woman was from. All my in-laws knew about this and I did not. There was a present left on my ex-mother-in-laws table which I tried to remind people about and no one paid attention, this present was for his child and not the niece as I thought. When we got back to the house at night the present had gone. I then heard his mother saying she had been over to see her, I thought it who, and the present was gone when we came into the room before her, she had been and collected it. I was also drawn into a shop to look at jumpers with my ex-mother-in-law whilst my husband was outside looking at a baby in a pram, I was put shopping with my sister-in-law that afternoon, so the woman could visit my ex-mother-in-law and my husband with the child. These people are catholic. There were other things said which didn'[ make sense at the time but all fit now. The woman also worked at his work and I then got a job there and heard people talking about things, like the day I said he was in another town on business so I was soaked walking to work and one of the women got up and went over to the other side of the room and came back saying shes not in yet. In other words everyone knew but me.

Then when I found out through bebo (networking site) who this woman was and recognized her and her friends from work, my husband told me yes he was seeing her but he only just met her from down the road i.e. 60 miles down the road. My husband worked on the floor about where I and this woman worked. I told him,no not down the road just down the stairs. He does not admit to having this chlld or that he cheated now. However he told me in an argument before we split up that he had a 2 and a half year old child with the same name as this child. Yet I was told by workmates he was on the street carrying this child before we split up. I don't know why he won't admit it maybe guilt or maybe protecting the child and her other children due to the divorce. There was also a chocolatey mark on the wall at his mothers house obviously done by a child's hands and she looked sternly at me and said 'you did that', not with a joking face. She also talking about this child in front of me and said to her sister, she had seen the baby and she looked like her father. My husband said do you mean baby's first name and his last name and I corrected him thinking he was talking about his sister's child who has same christian name but different surname due to his sister being married. Can't believe he said that in front of me. Oh and when he told me originally in that argument he had a child I said a sister and brother doesn't name their children the same names and he said well sometimes they do.

I just don't know and wouldn't mind opinions here as to why he told me it and then denied that it is true. I even told him he told me that but doesn't deny he told me just that he denies he has a child or that he knew this woman before, although he spoke of her and all her friends before. It is as though he is mentally ill or something or forgetful. I suppose that is just what a liar does. It really makes no difference because no way I would have anything to do with him now and I am divorcing him. It is just my own curiosity as to why someone can act like this after being with me for 15 years and married for 7 of them.

Oh and also why do his family act this way too.

(Off topic a bit but at first was really unbelievable like a made up story and I never knew how much your subconscious could hide from you. I don't know if these details were all surpressed in my subconscious to protect me or is it just because I know the ending that they fit together like a jigsaw now. Oh and his mother was knitting a shawl for the baby too which she mentioned when her neighbour died who was this woman's grandfather. Her sister in law came in and she told her about the man dying and that she hoped the baby didn't come before she finished it and her sister in law said is that Edward's, I heard this and thought they were speaking about the woman's surname, but it was my ex-husband's christian name Edward. All said standing right in front of the chair next to me.

I think I should write a book. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Someone told me she thought these people was just not of right mind.
 

Porridge

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Date: 4/9/2009 2:40:51 PM
Author: Pyramid

The kid was with her and her then husband. I don''t know what he knew, due to the open relationship. He has the child every second weekend along with their child and her child from her first marriage. I do know that I was at the child''s christening though with my then husband, and his brother''s daughter was being christened the same day at a church miles away from where they all stayed which just happened to be in the town where my husbands other woman was from. All my in-laws knew about this and I did not. There was a present left on my ex-mother-in-laws table which I tried to remind people about and no one paid attention, this present was for his child and not the niece as I thought. When we got back to the house at night the present had gone. I then heard his mother saying she had been over to see her, I thought it who, and the present was gone when we came into the room before her, she had been and collected it. I was also drawn into a shop to look at jumpers with my ex-mother-in-law whilst my husband was outside looking at a baby in a pram, I was put shopping with my sister-in-law that afternoon, so the woman could visit my ex-mother-in-law and my husband with the child. These people are catholic. There were other things said which didn''[ make sense at the time but all fit now. The woman also worked at his work and I then got a job there and heard people talking about things, like the day I said he was in another town on business so I was soaked walking to work and one of the women got up and went over to the other side of the room and came back saying shes not in yet. In other words everyone knew but me.


Then when I found out through bebo (networking site) who this woman was and recognized her and her friends from work, my husband told me yes he was seeing her but he only just met her from down the road i.e. 60 miles down the road. My husband worked on the floor about where I and this woman worked. I told him,no not down the road just down the stairs. He does not admit to having this chlld or that he cheated now. However he told me in an argument before we split up that he had a 2 and a half year old child with the same name as this child. Yet I was told by workmates he was on the street carrying this child before we split up. I don''t know why he won''t admit it maybe guilt or maybe protecting the child and her other children due to the divorce. There was also a chocolatey mark on the wall at his mothers house obviously done by a child''s hands and she looked sternly at me and said ''you did that'', not with a joking face. She also talking about this child in front of me and said to her sister, she had seen the baby and she looked like her father. My husband said do you mean baby''s first name and his last name and I corrected him thinking he was talking about his sister''s child who has same christian name but different surname due to his sister being married. Can''t believe he said that in front of me. Oh and when he told me originally in that argument he had a child I said a sister and brother doesn''t name their children the same names and he said well sometimes they do.


I just don''t know and wouldn''t mind opinions here as to why he told me it and then denied that it is true. I even told him he told me that but doesn''t deny he told me just that he denies he has a child or that he knew this woman before, although he spoke of her and all her friends before. It is as though he is mentally ill or something or forgetful. I suppose that is just what a liar does. It really makes no difference because no way I would have anything to do with him now and I am divorcing him. It is just my own curiosity as to why someone can act like this after being with me for 15 years and married for 7 of them.


Oh and also why do his family act this way too.


(Off topic a bit but at first was really unbelievable like a made up story and I never knew how much your subconscious could hide from you. I don''t know if these details were all surpressed in my subconscious to protect me or is it just because I know the ending that they fit together like a jigsaw now. Oh and his mother was knitting a shawl for the baby too which she mentioned when her neighbour died who was this woman''s grandfather. Her sister in law came in and she told her about the man dying and that she hoped the baby didn''t come before she finished it and her sister in law said is that Edward''s, I heard this and thought they were speaking about the woman''s surname, but it was my ex-husband''s christian name Edward. All said standing right in front of the chair next to me.


I think I should write a book. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Someone told me she thought these people was just not of right mind.


I have no words.
 

princesss

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Maybe I''m a dummy, but I don''t understand how somebody cheating on their spouse is the same thing as a consensual open relationship. I know you said the woman he cheated with was in one...but otherwise I don''t see how this story can lead to the conclusion that open marriages are dangerous. IMO it''s unethical people that lead to dangerous/difficult situations like the one described, not people who make a decision as a couple to open the relationship and have a strong base of communication and trust. Yes, an open relationship can lead to difficulties, but I think the situation Pyramid is describing is different from what Elle and MP are talking about.
 

MonkeyPie

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Date: 4/9/2009 3:55:40 PM
Author: princesss
Maybe I''m a dummy, but I don''t understand how somebody cheating on their spouse is the same thing as a consensual open relationship. I know you said the woman he cheated with was in one...but otherwise I don''t see how this story can lead to the conclusion that open marriages are dangerous. IMO it''s unethical people that lead to dangerous/difficult situations like the one described, not people who make a decision as a couple to open the relationship and have a strong base of communication and trust. Yes, an open relationship can lead to difficulties, but I think the situation Pyramid is describing is different from what Elle and MP are talking about.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I''m VERY sorry this happened to you, Pyramind, but it was the fault of the man that was not in the open relationship, not the fault of the relationship itsself. I see how they link together, but honestly if this woman wanted this guy badly enough she would have done it no matter what - open relationship be damned.

I seriously want to smack people for you though for not telling you! How the HECK could they not tell you something like this?!
 

Lynn B

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Whew, I just found this thread (all 10 pages of it!), but it looks like it''s kinda winding down now.

I just have a couple of things to add...

This has to be DF''s favorite thread, E.V.E.R.!!!!


Personally and FWIW, I''m in the other camp; in my marriage, I find the exclusivity, surety and intimacy that monogamy promotes very satisfying and fulfilling.

And oh yeah -- VERY INTERESTING thread!
 

Linda W

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Date: 4/9/2009 5:45:21 PM
Author: Lynn B
Whew, I just found this thread (all 10 pages of it!), but it looks like it''s kinda winding down now.


I just have a couple of things to add...


This has to be DF''s favorite thread, E.V.E.R.!!!!




Personally and FWIW, I''m in the other camp; in my marriage, I find the exclusivity, surety and intimacy that monogamy promotes very satisfying and fulfilling.


And oh yeah -- VERY INTERESTING thread!


LOL Lynn. I agree about this being Dancing Fire''s favorite thread. I can just imagine him sitting reading it, with his eyes bugging out of his head.
 

Lauren8211

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Ya, I''m not answering DF''s questions in this thread anymore.
 

Dancing Fire

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MP...unlike elle, all you do is talk and no action.
 

TravelingGal

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DF has anyone smacked you yet today?
 

Linda W

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T-Gal, Supa Granny is about to smack him. Behave yourself DF.
 

Dancing Fire

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sorry gang,but i don''t think my wife would be too happy to see my choo-choo in somebody eles''s tunnel.
 

bee*

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Date: 4/10/2009 4:31:27 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
sorry gang,but i don''t think my wife would be too happy to see my choo-choo in somebody eles''s tunnel.

lol!
 

trillionaire

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Kudo''s to you openminded folks. I have only been with SO (and vice versa), so to me intimacy = the two of us, only. I would be so lost if I was single, I''m very prude. The idea of intimacy with another partner does not appeal to either of us. It''s great to have a partner who shares your views, like everyone on this thread has experienced.

Here''s to long and happy, loving, and FUN relationships!!!
 

Lauren8211

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Date: 4/10/2009 12:46:50 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

MP...unlike elle, all you do is talk and no action.
The action is the easy part!

It''s the getting to the point where you''re comfortable with it that''s the hard part!
 

Kelli

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Date: 4/9/2009 2:40:51 PM
Author: Pyramid

Date: 4/9/2009 1:42:02 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk




Date: 4/9/2009 1:33:17 PM
Author: Pyramid




Well, my ex-husband when we were together told me this woman at work had an open relationship. Now we never discussed and he knew I would never ever be into that type of thing and if he wanted it then it would be over.










However, I find out a year after he told me this, that he had had sex with her 6 years prior and not only that but they had a 3 and a half year old child which he had kept from me and probably from her husband too, now her ex. He is now living with this other woman and her other two children to two previous relationships, she was married twice.








Now whether he was with her or not, there is no way I would have been with him when I found out he cheated on me, let alone him having a child. But then again I know in myself that I would never cheat on anyone and I would disrespect anyone who suggested cheating on someone to go out with me, no way I would see anyone with a girlfriend or wife. I even told a friends one night stand off one time for flirting with me









I just think these open relationships are asking for trouble. Just my opinion but I if you find it works for you then that''s fine
Wait. They had a three year old together that you didn''t know about and her then husband didn''t know about? Where was the kid???
The kid was with her and her then husband. I don''t know what he knew, due to the open relationship. He has the child every second weekend along with their child and her child from her first marriage. I do know that I was at the child''s christening though with my then husband, and his brother''s daughter was being christened the same day at a church miles away from where they all stayed which just happened to be in the town where my husbands other woman was from. All my in-laws knew about this and I did not. There was a present left on my ex-mother-in-laws table which I tried to remind people about and no one paid attention, this present was for his child and not the niece as I thought. When we got back to the house at night the present had gone. I then heard his mother saying she had been over to see her, I thought it who, and the present was gone when we came into the room before her, she had been and collected it. I was also drawn into a shop to look at jumpers with my ex-mother-in-law whilst my husband was outside looking at a baby in a pram, I was put shopping with my sister-in-law that afternoon, so the woman could visit my ex-mother-in-law and my husband with the child. These people are catholic. There were other things said which didn''[ make sense at the time but all fit now. The woman also worked at his work and I then got a job there and heard people talking about things, like the day I said he was in another town on business so I was soaked walking to work and one of the women got up and went over to the other side of the room and came back saying shes not in yet. In other words everyone knew but me.

Then when I found out through bebo (networking site) who this woman was and recognized her and her friends from work, my husband told me yes he was seeing her but he only just met her from down the road i.e. 60 miles down the road. My husband worked on the floor about where I and this woman worked. I told him,no not down the road just down the stairs. He does not admit to having this chlld or that he cheated now. However he told me in an argument before we split up that he had a 2 and a half year old child with the same name as this child. Yet I was told by workmates he was on the street carrying this child before we split up. I don''t know why he won''t admit it maybe guilt or maybe protecting the child and her other children due to the divorce. There was also a chocolatey mark on the wall at his mothers house obviously done by a child''s hands and she looked sternly at me and said ''you did that'', not with a joking face. She also talking about this child in front of me and said to her sister, she had seen the baby and she looked like her father. My husband said do you mean baby''s first name and his last name and I corrected him thinking he was talking about his sister''s child who has same christian name but different surname due to his sister being married. Can''t believe he said that in front of me. Oh and when he told me originally in that argument he had a child I said a sister and brother doesn''t name their children the same names and he said well sometimes they do.

I just don''t know and wouldn''t mind opinions here as to why he told me it and then denied that it is true. I even told him he told me that but doesn''t deny he told me just that he denies he has a child or that he knew this woman before, although he spoke of her and all her friends before. It is as though he is mentally ill or something or forgetful. I suppose that is just what a liar does. It really makes no difference because no way I would have anything to do with him now and I am divorcing him. It is just my own curiosity as to why someone can act like this after being with me for 15 years and married for 7 of them.

Oh and also why do his family act this way too.

(Off topic a bit but at first was really unbelievable like a made up story and I never knew how much your subconscious could hide from you. I don''t know if these details were all surpressed in my subconscious to protect me or is it just because I know the ending that they fit together like a jigsaw now. Oh and his mother was knitting a shawl for the baby too which she mentioned when her neighbour died who was this woman''s grandfather. Her sister in law came in and she told her about the man dying and that she hoped the baby didn''t come before she finished it and her sister in law said is that Edward''s, I heard this and thought they were speaking about the woman''s surname, but it was my ex-husband''s christian name Edward. All said standing right in front of the chair next to me.

I think I should write a book. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Someone told me she thought these people was just not of right mind.
Um..... whoa.


How awful..... BUT I agree that that was not the fault of the open relationship. That was the fault of the man NOT in an open relationship, who chose to cheat. And the fault of the entire family for keeping CRAZY secrets. So sorry that happened to you.


BTW I thought they closed this thread!! I''m glad I found it again:)
 

vespergirl

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This is a very interesting thread to me. Even though I am in a monogamous marriage, and plan to stay that way, I find the idea of an open marriage intriguing. However, my husband is very traditional, and I know that it would not be right for him, so I would never bring it up. I guess that I believe that human nature makes people more of "serial monogamists" than lifetime exclusive partners. I do think that lifetime exclusivity can exist, but I think that it does at the expense of sexual fulfillment. I have read about the science behind this - it''s really only chemically possible to remain sexually enthralled with a single partner for about 7 years. After that, the thrill wears off. People remain faithful because of societal pressure, but not because it''s chemically natural for us to do so.

If I were married to a more sexually adventurous man, I would be open to having sexual encounters outside of the marriage, but since I made the commitment to be monogamous, I will keep that vow. I honestly think that it''s more instinctively natural for people to have sex with multiple partners, even if they decide to conractually partner for life with one individual (marriage). I also do think that marriage is valuable to society, and that''s why the marriage vows should be honored, even if they contradict human nature.

Because really, if people were meant to "mate for life," then infidelity wouldn''t be an issue in every culture in the world. Monogamy is simply not part of human biology, like it is for some other animals. However, humans can achieve monogamy through choice and will, and they decide to do so.
 

Lauren8211

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Date: 4/10/2009 10:39:34 AM
Author: vespergirl
This is a very interesting thread to me. Even though I am in a monogamous marriage, and plan to stay that way, I find the idea of an open marriage intriguing. However, my husband is very traditional, and I know that it would not be right for him, so I would never bring it up. I guess that I believe that human nature makes people more of ''serial monogamists'' than lifetime exclusive partners. I do think that lifetime exclusivity can exist, but I think that it does at the expense of sexual fulfillment. I have read about the science behind this - it''s really only chemically possible to remain sexually enthralled with a single partner for about 7 years. After that, the thrill wears off. People remain faithful because of societal pressure, but not because it''s chemically natural for us to do so.

If I were married to a more sexually adventurous man, I would be open to having sexual encounters outside of the marriage, but since I made the commitment to be monogamous, I will keep that vow. I honestly think that it''s more instinctively natural for people to have sex with multiple partners, even if they decide to conractually partner for life with one individual (marriage). I also do think that marriage is valuable to society, and that''s why the marriage vows should be honored, even if they contradict human nature.

Because really, if people were meant to ''mate for life,'' then infidelity wouldn''t be an issue in every culture in the world. Monogamy is simply not part of human biology, like it is for some other animals. However, humans can achieve monogamy through choice and will, and they decide to do so.
Intersting thoughts, Vespergirl.

Thanks for your input.

I also feel that it''s not necessarily natural for 2 people to commit to one another sexually for life. I feel that finding a partner who meets every one of your needs for everything your entire life is really hard and a lot of pressure. I feel the partnership and emotional intimacy are what make a marriage, and the sexual aspect is something that is "up for negotiation" if you will.

We aren''t animals, and like you said, we CAN control our sexual urges. Absolutely agree. But as a couple, we can decide to what degree we control them.
 

vespergirl

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Date: 4/10/2009 10:44:05 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 4/10/2009 10:39:34 AM
Author: vespergirl
This is a very interesting thread to me. Even though I am in a monogamous marriage, and plan to stay that way, I find the idea of an open marriage intriguing. However, my husband is very traditional, and I know that it would not be right for him, so I would never bring it up. I guess that I believe that human nature makes people more of ''serial monogamists'' than lifetime exclusive partners. I do think that lifetime exclusivity can exist, but I think that it does at the expense of sexual fulfillment. I have read about the science behind this - it''s really only chemically possible to remain sexually enthralled with a single partner for about 7 years. After that, the thrill wears off. People remain faithful because of societal pressure, but not because it''s chemically natural for us to do so.

If I were married to a more sexually adventurous man, I would be open to having sexual encounters outside of the marriage, but since I made the commitment to be monogamous, I will keep that vow. I honestly think that it''s more instinctively natural for people to have sex with multiple partners, even if they decide to conractually partner for life with one individual (marriage). I also do think that marriage is valuable to society, and that''s why the marriage vows should be honored, even if they contradict human nature.

Because really, if people were meant to ''mate for life,'' then infidelity wouldn''t be an issue in every culture in the world. Monogamy is simply not part of human biology, like it is for some other animals. However, humans can achieve monogamy through choice and will, and they decide to do so.
Intersting thoughts, Vespergirl.

Thanks for your input.

I also feel that it''s not necessarily natural for 2 people to commit to one another sexually for life. I feel that finding a partner who meets every one of your needs for everything your entire life is really hard and a lot of pressure. I feel the partnership and emotional intimacy are what make a marriage, and the sexual aspect is something that is ''up for negotiation'' if you will.

We aren''t animals, and like you said, we CAN control our sexual urges. Absolutely agree. But as a couple, we can decide to what degree we control them.
I think that we think alike on this. I also wanted to agree with something that you said several pages ago regarding not necessarily experiencing an emotional bond with every sexual experience. When I met DH, I was so surprised that he hadn''t had sex for almost 2 years before we met - not since his last serious, long term relationship. And trust me, it wasn''t for lack of offers - he is an extremely attractive man, but he always had to have an emotional connection before he would have sex.

Myself, on the other hand, I was always more of a "serial monogamist," but never went long between relationships. And if a few months went by without me finding someone that I wanted a relationship with, then I had to problem with unemotional "flings," just to satisfy the physical urge.

It''s funny, because we''re very much an "opposites attract" couple, but we are each more like the "traditional" roles for the opposite sex. It workds for us though, because I had my share of fun before I met him, and I am still so incredibly physically attracted to him that no one else is even appealing to me, 5 years into our relationship. And since I know that monogamy is very important to him, and I love him, I was OK with committing to that type of relationship with him. But I think that the type of the relationship that you & your husband have is great - it sounds very open and healthy to me. I think that as long as everybody is one board with an arrangement, that''s the most important ingredient to maintaining a happy marriage.
 

AdiS

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Date: 4/10/2009 10:39:34 AM
Author: vespergirl
This is a very interesting thread to me. Even though I am in a monogamous marriage, and plan to stay that way, I find the idea of an open marriage intriguing. However, my husband is very traditional, and I know that it would not be right for him, so I would never bring it up. I guess that I believe that human nature makes people more of ''serial monogamists'' than lifetime exclusive partners. I do think that lifetime exclusivity can exist, but I think that it does at the expense of sexual fulfillment. I have read about the science behind this - it''s really only chemically possible to remain sexually enthralled with a single partner for about 7 years. After that, the thrill wears off. People remain faithful because of societal pressure, but not because it''s chemically natural for us to do so.

If I were married to a more sexually adventurous man, I would be open to having sexual encounters outside of the marriage, but since I made the commitment to be monogamous, I will keep that vow. I honestly think that it''s more instinctively natural for people to have sex with multiple partners, even if they decide to conractually partner for life with one individual (marriage). I also do think that marriage is valuable to society, and that''s why the marriage vows should be honored, even if they contradict human nature.
I want to apologize in advance if I sound rude as this is not my intent but I have to completely disagree. I don''t think such generalizations are possible where human nature is concerned.That just sounds wrong. People remain faithful because they love their partner, because they respect him/her and because they''re happy together IMO. And I really don''t think science can tell me for how long it is possible to be attracted to my husband. FWIW I don''t think honouring my wedding vows contradicts my nature either. I still think my husband is the sexiest man alive and wanting him and only him seems pretty natural actually. But we''ve only been together for 6 years

Marriage IMO is not about society, laws, neighbours, relatives, etc. Marriage is between my husband an me. And I choose to remain his and only his because he''s all I ever wanted. That''s pretty much it.
 

Diamond*Dana

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7,160
Though I don''t think that DH and I would ever be open to this, I am certainly not going to judge you MP. If it works for you, then great! Different strokes for different folks, right?!

I give you a lot of credit for sharing this and being so open about it here, I admire that!
 

vespergirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2007
Messages
5,497
Date: 4/10/2009 11:31:57 AM
Author: AdiS

Date: 4/10/2009 10:39:34 AM
Author: vespergirl
This is a very interesting thread to me. Even though I am in a monogamous marriage, and plan to stay that way, I find the idea of an open marriage intriguing. However, my husband is very traditional, and I know that it would not be right for him, so I would never bring it up. I guess that I believe that human nature makes people more of ''serial monogamists'' than lifetime exclusive partners. I do think that lifetime exclusivity can exist, but I think that it does at the expense of sexual fulfillment. I have read about the science behind this - it''s really only chemically possible to remain sexually enthralled with a single partner for about 7 years. After that, the thrill wears off. People remain faithful because of societal pressure, but not because it''s chemically natural for us to do so.

If I were married to a more sexually adventurous man, I would be open to having sexual encounters outside of the marriage, but since I made the commitment to be monogamous, I will keep that vow. I honestly think that it''s more instinctively natural for people to have sex with multiple partners, even if they decide to conractually partner for life with one individual (marriage). I also do think that marriage is valuable to society, and that''s why the marriage vows should be honored, even if they contradict human nature.
I want to apologize in advance if I sound rude as this is not my intent but I have to completely disagree. I don''t think such generalizations are possible where human nature is concerned.That just sounds wrong. People remain faithful because they love their partner, because they respect him/her and because they''re happy together IMO. And I really don''t think science can tell me for how long it is possible to be attracted to my husband. FWIW I don''t think honouring my wedding vows contradicts my nature either. I still think my husband is the sexiest man alive and wanting him and only him seems pretty natural actually. But we''ve only been together for 6 years

Marriage IMO is not about society, laws, neighbours, relatives, etc. Marriage is between my husband an me. And I choose to remain his and only his because he''s all I ever wanted. That''s pretty much it.
I actually also agree with you, AdiS - even though people are only biologically programmed to stay sexually monogamous for the amount to time it takes to procreate and raise a child to an age of basic independence, we, as the most evolved of the animals, also have developed emotions, ethics, and social mores. We are also capable of love on an emotional level that most animals can''t experience. My point was not that we can''t or shouldn''t stay together after several years, and I think that it''s great that people do that (I plan to with my own husband!) It''s just that I also feel that it''s natural for people who want to move on after a few years. I don''t think that there''s anything wrong with either life choice - so I''m just posting to echo that I agree with you as well, and kudos on your marriage!


Here''s a link to the theory of "serial monogamy" I was talking about for anyone who''s interested:
http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/story.asp?storyCode=154487&sectioncode=26
 

purrfectpear

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
4,079
Only on PS can you get "credit" and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
11,534
Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Only on PS can you get 'credit' and kudos for something you aren't even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that's our "arrangement". Nobody judge!!


I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I'm *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
11,073
Date: 4/10/2009 2:09:36 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that''s our ''arrangement''. Nobody judge!!


I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I''m *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
Deco... I''m not afraid to fight you for him...
 

vespergirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2007
Messages
5,497
Date: 4/10/2009 2:15:27 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 4/10/2009 2:09:36 PM
Author: decodelighted


Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that''s our ''arrangement''. Nobody judge!!


I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I''m *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
Deco... I''m not afraid to fight you for him...
I don''t have to fight you guys for John Krasinski, because my DH actually looks just like him
Just with shorter hair ... I feel lucky!
 

princesss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
8,035
Date: 4/10/2009 2:32:34 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 4/10/2009 2:15:27 PM
Author: elledizzy5


Date: 4/10/2009 2:09:36 PM
Author: decodelighted



Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that''s our ''arrangement''. Nobody judge!!


I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I''m *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
Deco... I''m not afraid to fight you for him...
I don''t have to fight you guys for John Krasinski, because my DH actually looks just like him
Just with shorter hair ... I feel lucky!
--------->
 

fleur-de-lis

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
1,343
Date: 4/10/2009 2:32:34 PM
Author: vespergirl
Date: 4/10/2009 2:15:27 PM

Author: elledizzy5


Date: 4/10/2009 2:09:36 PM

Author: decodelighted



Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM

Author: purrfectpear

Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that''s our ''arrangement''. Nobody judge!!



I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I''m *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
Deco... I''m not afraid to fight you for him...
I don''t have to fight you guys for John Krasinski, because my DH actually looks just like him
Just with shorter hair ... I feel lucky!
So, Vespergirl, what you''re saying is that if you met the real John Krasinski, you''d be able to actually have the "John Krasinski Identical Twins Threesome" fantasy?

You''d REALLY be able to walk away from that???

Wow. No words.
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
11,073
Date: 4/10/2009 2:48:28 PM
Author: fleur-de-lis

Date: 4/10/2009 2:32:34 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 4/10/2009 2:15:27 PM

Author: elledizzy5



Date: 4/10/2009 2:09:36 PM

Author: decodelighted




Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM

Author: purrfectpear

Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
Heh. I was sort of thinking the same thing. I guess *I* have an open marriage too. (Sure, it would only actually happen if DH met & somehow charmed Jessica Alba into the sack ... or if John Krasinski & I ran into each other in an airplane bathroom or something ... but that''s our ''arrangement''. Nobody judge!!



I also am a Big Game Hunter (untested) and an Competitive Ballroom Dancer (untested). Oh, and I''m *currently* a Vegan (but not now *chomp chomp*).
Deco... I''m not afraid to fight you for him...
I don''t have to fight you guys for John Krasinski, because my DH actually looks just like him
Just with shorter hair ... I feel lucky!
So, Vespergirl, what you''re saying is that if you met the real John Krasinski, you''d be able to actually have the ''John Krasinski Identical Twins Threesome'' fantasy?

You''d REALLY be able to walk away from that???

Wow. No words.
LMAO!!
 

MonkeyPie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 23, 2008
Messages
6,059
Date: 4/10/2009 1:40:16 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Only on PS can you get ''credit'' and kudos for something you aren''t even doing
I kind of wish people would stop focusing on that - the point is not that I haven''t done it, but that it''s ok if I WANTED TO. The majority would not be ok with that, which is what makes our relationship open.

FWIW, nobody is sexier than my husband in my mind.
 
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