Mark Morrell. 3 years. I never gave her the ring!!

[mtrb]

Nice,

Pears would probably look a little more aesthetically pleasing and you could trade the others..or make them into earrings...and it would be a different ring. If you really want to change it, then do the setting too which shouldn’t cost much, but KEEP THAT CENTER!!! There is no reason to get rid of it. I would not even address it with my significant other. Just take what you have and make something she would really like with it.

 

[rislim]

Hi Candide!

Have you considered asking her how she would feel about it? I mean, if the proposal is going to be a surprise, I don''t think you should ''ruin it'' by any means, but if she knows that you are planning to ask, then it might not hurt to ask her how she would feel about the ring.
Technical stuff - I think the ring is pretty as-is, but the redesign that you were describing sounds even better!

<3

 

[candide]

First - I want to thank everyone for their input. It is great to see so many familiar names chiming in - some of the very same people who helped me out so much the first time around three years ago.

I can not blame everyone who commented on the clear relationship/ moral issues inherent in my post. I am sure I would not have been able to resist either had the tables been turned.

With respect to those who directly addressed my questions specifically about the ring..... I thank everyone for their views, and for reasurring me. I can say I (and Mark of course) put A LOT of work in to this ring. I got the stones for a pretty nice price I feel, and the work in to the setting was all me and Mark. The only thing the ex said we she liked trilliants. The lucida-inspired MM masterpiece was all me and him (and by me and him I me me day dreaming and him being the actual genius).

I guess I only gave you all 90% of the story before. I did in fact talk to Mark about 6 months ago with these exact issues. Once again it was a testament to his earnest, honest nature. While certainly many unscrupulous people who have said, "of course we need to remake it," Mark actually felt otherwise. We did not talk about the moral/relationship issues I must say. But with respect to the ring, he alleviated my fears about the round/trilliant mismatch, he alleviated my fears about it being set too low. He did say that of course we COULD remake it/ retool it in another direction, but in the end of the day after a lot of soul searching we decided the ring is great as is.

On the other hand, I guess by virtue of the fact I am still wondering these questions, it is an indicator that I some level I am feelign guilt. That may very well be. That may very well be the reason why I specifically requested we not talk about the moral issues

.

Well, thank you all for your thoughts. I will cogitate more on the issues. I would appreciate even more input.

Thanks
candide

 

[upgrading mama]

Date: 12/13/2006 8:44:51 PM
Author: candide
Thank you.

My two major concerns were:

1) the triangular bias of trielles contrasted too sharply with the center round brilliant
2) the fact that I asked Mark to set the center stone low so as to not have her bump things and not be to flashy has taken away from the true look of my $$$$$$ 2.86 AGS0 HCA0.6 center and made it look like a HUBCAP!! Am I being paranoid?

I think it would look fabulous with side pears. I personally like it best when the center of a 3-stone really stands out,so that it doesn''t look like one smoosh of diamonds. I suppose it is all a personal decision, since the first woman wanted larger side stones...

Email Mark Morell and see if he can work with the original setting or if he will make a new one....Oh, and I would set the center higher, too.

 

[dtnyc]

Candide- I didn''t address the whole "moral" side of using a ring that was designed w/ another woman in mind in my first reply and while it''s lovely that a lot of work and thought went into this ring, that was all for someone else, several years ago.
You said that the wrong woman really wanted and loved the trielles, which to me aren''t the most traditional or classic side stones. To me they would always be a reminder of the "wrong" woman''s taste.

I think it''s only fair that the "right" woman has a chance to give some input, you should ask her what type of side stones she would like.
I wouldn''t say "would you like a ring w/ trielles?" Let her tell you what her preference is and then make the ring RIGHT for the RIGHT woman.

Yes, the ring is lovely now as it is, but I don''t think it''s fair that the right woman should have to live with the wrong woman''s preferences.

 

[havernell]

This is what I would do:

1. take the current center stone and put it into an inexpensive, plain solitaire setting. Propose to her with this and then afterwards the two of you go together and pick out a nicer setting that she likes. Maybe she''ll want pears or maybe she''ll want to keep it as a simple solitaire. Let her pick.

2. turn the trilliant (sp?) side stones into earrings and give them to her for her next birthday

3. Keep the MM setting and for your 10th (or 5th or 1st... whatever you want) wedding anniversary make it into a right-hand ring with emralds or rubies or something.


In this way, you keep all of the pieces of the original ring but just use them for different things (plus get three pieces of jewelry out of one!)

Best of luck with everything!

 

[diamondpug]

Even if it turns out she says she doesn''t care about the "moral" issue, she''ll probably solicit the opinion of her friends and family. Her opinion could change down the line. You''re doing the same thing -- soliciting opinions to form your own.

It seems crazy that anyone would have psychological issues about such an outstanding ring, but love isn''t logical.

Save yourself from the headaches, knawing feelings and another reason for lonely nights on the sofa during marriage. Change the setting!

Pugsy

 

[Mokey]

If I were to add to the moral issue, which I tried to stay away from the first time, I would simply say that I don''t think the new love would have the problem with the ring, I think that YOU would have problems looking at it on the new girls finger since it was with so much effort made for the other girl. There is no moral issue here because neither girl saw the ring, but I think in your heart you are the one that would have the problem with it or you wouldn''t be asking, just my 2 cents, but that is what I read between the lines. I think that the trills represent the old girl, and something new is in order for the new girl.

 

[simplysplendid]

Hi,

I agree with Denverappraisal, give her this diamond set into something else (pendant, RHR) for another occasion. Find her a diamond that she wants -- she may not even be a round brilliant girl. I will be upset to receive a diamond meant for another lady, and receiving a ring totally designed with another lady in mind is, IMO, absolutely unacceptable.

If you would like to give her this same ring without any changes made, then make sure the two ladies will never ever meet (since the ex will see the ring and will see HER ideas in it)!

 

[simplysplendid]

I forgot to add that I think finding out whether she likes the ring or not first will mean no surprise proposals for her..

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 12/14/2006 2:47:09 PM
Author: simplysplendid
I forgot to add that I think finding out whether she likes the ring or not first will mean no surprise proposals for her..

I think the ring is beautiful as it is, but it all depends on her tastes. If she''s more of a simple, casual woman, she may prefer that diamond in a gorgeous solitaire setting - which leaves you with a simply amazing setting for a pink or blue sapphire, or her birthstone, for later on down the road.

In an effort to keep the existence of this ring a secret for the time being, he could always take her to a jewelry store to browse rings, and look for a similarly designed ring to fawn over. If she responds positively to it, he will then have an idea of what she likes without having to ask her directly for her opinion on the style of the ring itself.

Morally, this is a tough one, and really does completely depend on the woman in question.

 

[lehcarm]

Date: 12/14/2006 11:31:32 AM
Author: havernell
This is what I would do:


1. take the current center stone and put it into an inexpensive, plain solitaire setting. Propose to her with this and then afterwards the two of you go together and pick out a nicer setting that she likes. Maybe she''ll want pears or maybe she''ll want to keep it as a simple solitaire. Let her pick.


2. turn the trilliant (sp?) side stones into earrings and give them to her for her next birthday


3. Keep the MM setting and for your 10th (or 5th or 1st... whatever you want) wedding anniversary make it into a right-hand ring with emralds or rubies or something.



In this way, you keep all of the pieces of the original ring but just use them for different things (plus get three pieces of jewelry out of one!)


Best of luck with everything!

I love the idea! I personally wouldn''t mind getting a center stone that was purchased for someone else. And by reusing the setting for an anniversary present, in my eyes it would be made for me, so I''m OK with it. Plus, who wouldn''t love a nice set of stud earrings!

 

[:)]

The ring is certainly not ugly, but my *personal* taste is that it seems too chunky - the side stones look to me like they are overpowering (or at least competing with) the center stone. It sorta looks like one enormous stone instead of the gorgeous center with little accents. Some people prefer the one stone look, though. I do admit I love the beauty of pear side stones (smaller) with the round. That Leon Mege ring (r011) makes me melt! The current ring might not seem too big to me if the side stones weren''t so large. It seems they like are trying to compete with your beautiful AGS0 Center stone, instead of complimenting it.

To conjecture a bit - perhaps what is bothering you, is that the ex designed this ring to her tastes, not to yours (as I noted that you specifically pointed out in the OP that she was the one that wanted that and that you ''always wondered'') - perhaps you know that your lucky lady has tastes more similar to yours/different from the ex and this is what is bugging you?

 

[partgypsy]

Because you haven''t gotten enough opinons yet...

while I am not a big stone person, I think the design of the ring is excellent, and was custom designed with those particular stones. I would not touch the ring. I would present the ring to her, and most likely she is blown away. I would only change the ring if the intended had objections to it, whether it is esthetic (has trilliantphobia) or for emotional reasons. If she wanted extensive changes to the ring it may be preferable to have her set the center stone in a new ring to make it her own, or even to sell the ring as is and start completely over (but that may not be practical).

 

[colorkitty]

I love the ring. I prefer low settings, and I don''t think yours is low at all, and I think the side stones match very well. Pears would have been lovely too. But it just would have been different, no better or worse.

I''m going to comment on the emotional side of this. I''m assuming that Candide didn''t plan for his former relationship to go south. Otherwise he wouldn''t have bought an almost 3 carat ring. It''s a little too much to then ask him to design an entirely different ring, at a cost of thousands, even if he keeps the center stone, for something he couldn''t control. No one deserves an engagement ring. And no man is less loving or more cheap for not presenting one. This is not about what she is "worth" to him. It is a little entitlement minded to not only expect a ring but have some hang up that it was meant for another girl when it''s a gorgeous ring! Unless he knows for a fact that she really hates diamonds, big diamonds, side stones, platinum, ect. it''s not inappropriate to give it to her. Surely she knows about the previous relationship. She might even know he intended to propose or that it was headed for marriage. Can he not propose to her because that proposal was intended for someone else? Or get married because he originally planned on marrying someone else? I know love isn''t always rational. But when we''re talking about something that costs thousands of dollars and is totally unnecessary to show love, commitment, or anything else, was brought into our households through a marketing campaign, and has no reflection on the strength of a marriage-- there needs to be some perspective. If a woman said to me, you''ll get me my own ring, or you''ll be my ex-fiance, then I''d chose ex-fiance.

If you WANT to get her an entirely different ring, that''s fine. But don''t feel as if you have to.

 

[LuvThatBling]

First off, let me say that I love the ring. Of course, I would...I have an oval sapphire with two trillions in a low setting lol.

Onto the next issue, really, the truth is it doesn''t matter what any of us think about the moral issues of your ring. What ultimately matters is what your fiancee will think about it. I am one of the most practical women there are...my sapphire ring is an estate piece and some of our family balked at it (it''s from someone else''s marriage/failed marriage, etc.), but I don''t care. Similiarly, if my fiance wanted to present me with a beautiful ring that his ex had never worn, I wouldn''t have a problem with it.

But I''m not your fiancee and all women are different. What I *would* have a problem with is if I found out later it had been an ex''s and that fact had been concealed from me. And anytime you keep something like that from someone, it *always* comes back to bite you in the tush. And when I did find out, the fireworks on the 4th of July wouldn''t even compare to what would be hitting the fan at my house. So, please, do tell her. I understand with wanting to surprise her and all, but at some point in the evening, I think you should tell her.

I don''t think a woman has a right to demand a custom ring or anything like that, but a woman does have a right to wear a ring she likes *and* to know an important detail like where it came from. Just my $.02.

 

[CaptAubrey]

I''d leave it alone, but then I''ve always been partial to trilliant sides.

 

[justjulia]

I vote leave it as is. It is like a beautiful painting. An original that can be admired by many, but owned by only one lucky person at a time.

 

[jayreneepea]

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the ring!!!

If I were your fiance, I would want the ring because it''s my style and just big enough for my liking!!

However, I would want to know up front and I would want it to be my decision to wear a ring intended for someone else. Whether or not you (and Mark) put all the time and effort into the design, it was someone else you imagined giving the ring to. It would be hard for me to swallow that information after the fact. I just think a relationship is much healthier without secrets!

 

[flopkins]

ok honestly I would prefer pears. but that is me, and MY ering is a RB center w/pear sides. so.... ya know.

BUT... (giving my 2 cents) does the gal know you are thinking of proposing? I would consider proposing w/o a ring, and then discussing the situation w/her afterwards, if you want to surprise her... or bring it all upfront beforehand and see what she wants before you do anything w/it. I would bet most gals would not be happy w/a ring intended for someone else, regardless of whether they think it''s pretty or not!!

It really sounds like you have some ''issues'' w/the ring anyway, but feel attached to it also because of all the time spent on it... like some of the others, I would really think about how you''d feel seeing that ring on your FI/wife that might remind you of a past relationship!!!!

 

[WTNLVR]

I totally agree with the above. Propose without the ring, then tell her about the ring and let her decide. You could spend a small fortune remaking the ring just like you want only to have her hate it. There are countless threads on the danger of picking out a ring without any input. Personnally, I wouldn''t have a problem wearing the ring, but I would make a pact that noone else ever knew where it originated from. That would be humiliating IMO.

 

[kenny]

You could buy a ring for $5 and propose with that telling her you will talk about the real ring tomorrow.

That way the evening is special and not clouded with this issue, you didn''t conceal anything and you can tell her all about the ring in the morning.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, this is a combination of opinions already posted. I''d remove the center diamond and have it set in a solitaire for the proposal and tell her if she wishes, she can choose another setting design. Save the MM setting and set a beautiful sapphire in it and give it to her for your fifth anniversary or something. But I do not think it is wise to give her the current ring as is. I''d prefer pear sides over trillions with a round center, but with a stone that large, I really don''t think you need side stones at all.

 

[aljdewey]

....nevermind - should have read more carefully first.

 

[aljdewey]

If I were removing the emotional issues from the equation, I'd leave it as is.

If I were considering the emotional issues, I'd likely try to save it for another occasion and pick something else for an e-ring for your fiance now.

I'd only dismantle it if no other option existed. I'd prefer to sell it on consignment (if I could get a reasonble price) than break it up.

 

[Cheekyprincess]

This is going to sound strange, silly weird or whatever, but hey I don''t care. I think the ring is beautiful, I think certain things can possibly hold negative energy (maybe). Could you take it to a feng shui practicer or new age store or something and have it ''cleansed'' Just an idea.

 

[dani13]

This is jmho- if my fi were to propose to me with a ring that was made for someone else, I would be very upset...even if the other fi didnt even see/wear the ring. Its just a "karma" thing for me- I wouldnt want to be wearing it, and it would upset me b/c I would feel like he didnt take the time to design something to my liking. That''s first off....

Now, I would find out what your gf likes in terms of her ideal e-ring design...if she prefers round, I would definitely keep that center stone (GORGEOUS!) and put it into the setting of her choice....If she does not prefer a round, than I would see if the vendor I purchased the stone from would take it in and trade it up (either the whole ring or just the stone). If they would only trade up the stone, I would hold onto the setting with the side trillions, and later on down the road set another stone into it and make it into a rhr...that setting is beautiful- it is a classic MM design- I wouldnt see a problem selling it on consignment at all...someone would definitely want it.

So, I guess it just all depends on what your gf wants. But, I would not just give that ring to her as is....

Good luck!!!

 

[winternight]

Why not just take out the center stone and let the new girl design her own dream ring? Honestly I don''t like the contrast between those two styles of cutting - it looks sort of clunky to me, but people vary. Its a huge, beautiful center stone but if its not her dream setting - well then sometimes size doesn''t really matter IMO.

Btw. if my fiance had given me a ring under those conditions and I ever found out I would be furious! I''d either exchange the man or the ring - for a bigger one.

 

[winternight]

Just to clarify I don''t like 3 stones at all - with two pears I still wouldn''t like it - its just not a classic/traditional look IMO. I thought you should have some other opinions because the new girl might have some strong opinions about her dream ring. Why not reset the center stone in a cheap setting and let her decide?

Again I think you should strongly consider the advice you''ve been given.

 

[kkal474]

IMHO if I got a ring that was designed for someone else I would be horrified. I realize that this project took a lot of time and effort but that is even more the reason I wouldn''t want the ring. The time and effort and style of the ring was done with someone else''s love and tastes in mind. While the ring is beautiful I would feel somewhat betrayed that the time and effort of creating a ring for someone else was more important than creating something designed just for me. E-ings are a very sentimental thing and it''s playing with fire. She will eventually find out that the ring was designed for someone else it just doesn''t stay a secret forever.