I'm a widow

[MissGotRocks]

I am sorry too PB. I am very glad however that no one else was injured as that could have involved lawsuits against the estate which would have gone on and on. The accident sounds like a perfect storm between the weather and the bac. At least you are OK financially for the time being.

So this final chapter has been written so there are no more surprises. I hope that now even through your grief you can look toward a future for yourself. It has been quite the journey for you but you're still making it and we are collectively proud of you. I hope the sting of this final straw subsides for you some a little every day; many hugs and good wishes for you!!

 

[december-fire]

Pinto, Sweetheart, you've been going through so much for so long. Stuff that wasn't caused by you.
No matter how much we love a person, we don't control their decisions. We do, unfortunately, often suffer the fallout.

I have no doubt that you have the inner strength, intelligence, determination, compassion and humour to move forward and have a wonderful life. You've got such a kind heart and will have a positive impact on so many people; many of whom have yet to come into your life.

I hope you can try to focus on caring for yourself; continue with therapy, try to eat healthy and try to go out for a walk around the block.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and comforting thoughts.

 

[Karl_K]

Checking in.
thoughts and prayers continue
I am so sorry that this has been so hard for you.

 

[elle_71125]

Thanks @MollyMalone ! I wasn't remembering it correctly, so I appreciate the clarification.

+1 from me too. I forgot that there was a payout originally. Thank you for explaining in depth.

 

[arkieb1]

I spent a lot of time and $$$$s in therapy to learn to accept that I could not control the actions of other people in my life. I was one of those people that thought I was strong enough that I could somehow change the behaviour of a narcissist/alcoholic/pathological liar that loving that person more would somehow magically make them change their behaviour.

We can't make sick people, mentally unwell people, narcissists, and addicts change - they have to want to change for themselves. I hope your therapist works through with you that you are not responsible in any way for what happened, you have every right to be upset and angry at him but don't feel any guilt. We are ultimately not responsible for the bad behaviour and poor decisions people in our lives make. Sadly all too often those people cannot see the chaos and hurt their poor choices cause us.

 

[Vera W]

@PintoBean You are most welcome on the basket of flowers, Becca, @Texas Leaguer , and our entire team here at Whiteflash just wanted to brighten your day. We are delighted to see that your kittens can enjoy it too. What makes you happy makes them happy too.

Know that we all send you sweetest regards and well wishes as you journey on.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Hugs PB, when I can eat properly (at all) again we'll have to have another outing, even if bingo is part of it

 

[AGBF]

I don't know if it would help you, PB, but maybe Al-anon would be good for you. I go to AA and have gone to Al-anon. In those rooms you hear people say honest things. I have heard recovering alcoholics say that of course they drove drunk with their children in the car and then heard heard a chorus of other voices speak up confessing to the same thing. People who live with this disease look at things differently from those who do not.

Hugs,
(((PB)))
Deb

 

[luv2sparkle]

PB, I am so sorry that everything you have gone through is so hard. The flowers from Whiteflash was so thoughtful. I am praying that the days to come will get easier and happier for you.

 

[PintoBean]

Hmmm this was supposed to post yesterday but PS has been glitchy...

Now that the excitement has died down I'm exhausted and drained. I slept almost 11 hours and feel like I could sleep more. I'm trying not to beat myself up for the stress induced fatigue, although I still hate that emotions can take such a toll on the body.

I finally got an update from Costco on the refund for my trip. I had received $1400 of the $2400 spent on the trip. That includes a full refund on the flight. The resort is only willing to give me a $1,000 credit that expires June 2018. Now why on earth would I want to go to the resort that my husband and I were supposed to go to but for him dying the Monday before? Costco is sending me a $200 inconvenience GC since this is ongoing since end of May.

I heard from the attorney's office this AM - I have my certificate from the surrogates court. They will be mailing it to me! About time!

 

[marcy]

PB, I am glad to hear you had a nice, long sleep. I am sure your body needed that. Sorry you only got credit from the resort; is it transferable? If so, maybe you could sell it. I know you don't need anything else to add to your list of things to do but that would be a way to maybe get back some of the money.

I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Marcy

 

[mochiko42]

@PintoBean You are most welcome on the basket of flowers, Becca, @Texas Leaguer , and our entire team here at Whiteflash just wanted to brighten your day. We are delighted to see that your kittens can enjoy it too. What makes you happy makes them happy too.

Know that we all send you sweetest regards and well wishes as you journey on.

Vera, you guys are awesome! That is so thoughtful and just plain NICE. Big hugs to PB

 

[valeria101]

Now why on earth would I want to go to the resort that my husband and I were supposed to go to but for him dying the Monday before?

INDEED !

You tell them that. The point of Etiquette ought to be worth at least 1K to the PR dpt. , IHMO.

 

[PintoBean]

Sooo frustrated. Someone started pooping to the right of the litter robot so I put a big bag of litter there. Now they're pooping in front of the litter robot. No one ever had an accident until Mike died.

The next accident was when I went away in July. Then when I went away in September there was an accident in front of the litterbox the night I came home. No accidents until my dad came by last week and entered my house without my permission with the dog Bean. Now poop has been happening every couple of days outside the litterbox. Now this 3AM poop which was kinda warm happened within 24 hours. I feel so bad bc I know that my anxiety and depression isn't helping matters. Nor is my erratic schedule of waking and sleeping.

Tomorrow a new cleaning lady comes and I hope this doesn't stress everyone out more.

 

[arkieb1]

The dog didn't pee on the front of or to the sides of the space age litter box did it? Because it could also be the cats trying to mark over that.

 

[PintoBean]

The dog didn't pee on the front of or to the sides of the space age litter box did it? Because it could also be the cats trying to mark over that.

No dog just stood in the foyer wagging her tail, but the 3 cats in the foyer freaked out. One pulled the Halloween cat arch with tail puffed, screamed and jumped backwards 20 feet. I've never seen her do that before. Another cat puffed her tail and growled. That I've seen this one do. The third cat puffed her tail but stayed put laying on the bench in the foyer, this was the first time she ever puffed her tail.

 

[Puppmom]

Pinto, sorry your kitties are giving you trouble. Hopefully it’s temporary! Just keeping you on your toes!

 

[Matata]

PB, buy some unscented Anti Icky Poo (available only on-line) and clean the area where they're pooping. Enzyme cleaners in stores are insufficient in getting rid of odors that you can't smell but the animal can. And buy some Dr. Elsey's Cat Attract Litter and mix 1/2 with 1/2 your regular litter.

You're correct that all the changes (cats hate change) are likely responsible for this new behavior which will, I hope, pass as things normalize again.

PSA for all pet owners reading this: Having Anti-Icky Poo or Unique Distributors Pet Odor Eliminator on hand will improve your life. I haven't used Unique Distributors but can vouch for Anti-Icky Poo.

 

[minousbijoux]

So isn't it an instinctive thing for cats to want to bury their um, work, to avoid predators? Could the cat be doing it because they are sick or too weak to climb into the space ship? Or has someone else become territorial about the spaceship and is not letting others use it?

Oh, and I'm sorry PB, that sucks. I guess it could also be their way of saying "me too, Mama, pay attention to me!"

 

[cmd2014]

My cat used to protest poop outside of the litter any time he felt that the litter wasn't clean enough - even when it was scooped regularly, he'd do it when the litter itself picked up off odors (which was well before all of the litter would be used up). It might help to clean out the robot and put in completely fresh litter, wash around the litter area and see. If not, maybe try to figure out who is doing it and that might give you a clue as to the why. Cats sometimes leave poop out uncovered if they are asserting dominance or expressing stress, or it might be discomfort about going into the robot if they are unwell, or it smells, or if someone is beating them up when they try to go in.

 

[mochiko42]

Try Feliway diffusers, they're supposed to help calm cats down and reduce undesirable behavior.

 

[PintoBean]

One thing i stopped doing was making them do tricks for their food. I'm going to resume that because it gives each one individual attention and they always purr when they perform lol.

Another thing could be the carbon filter of the litter robot needing to be changed. Instead of buying the litter robot version I'm going to get some carbon filter sheets from Home Depot or Amazon and cut to size.

I suspect though that it's protest poop. Two times there were protest poops when I fed breakfast late.

Tin tin digs as instinct but having head congestion as a kitten from viruses seemed to affect her burying. I think it's her or Honda. Or both. Is it coincidence that I used eyewash on tin tin 3x yesterday and there were two incidences of poop within 24 hours?

I did always say to my husband, when the two of us are traveling by car, you can't drive. If something happened to both of us the cats would be out two parents. Why was I a stickler for always driving when I was with Mike? I couldn't trust him not to lie about drinking. I can't imagine what t would be like for these cats to lose both parents... these girls are so sweet and sensitive, albeit shitty lololol

 

[Arcadian]

@PintoBean I'm catching up to your thread and I'm just sorry you had to handle that. My dad is an alcoholic. I wish I could say recovering but after the 3rd DUI... Thankfully he is restricted from driving though he has an electric bike that goes 30MPH. My mother only says lets hope he dosen't hurt anyone but himself. Love him I do, he's my daddy, but I have to agree.

This is really unfortunate. Whatever his reasons for drinkinging, he thankfully hurt no one else. Even though it had nothing to do with you, you're the type of person who would take that very personally if he did. I'm grateful you don't have that on your head on top of everything else.

I'm heartbroken that you're going through these things.

 

[Gussie]

Hi PB. I have been following this thread and wanted to say I too am so sorry for all this crap you have gone through. I agree with @AGBF about AlAnon. It is a great program. You have suffered tremendously and it could help you a lot. Hugs to you, girl.

 

[ringo865]

+3 re Al Anon. Go (to a different town) and listen. Don't talk. Just listen. You are not alone. Alcohol affects more people than just the drinker. It affects everyone around the drinker, the closer one is to the drinker, the greater the effect. I found going really helped with my anxiety and hyper-reaction to stuff. Just sayin.

Sorry that things are so rough, and that some mystery cat is a pooper. Until last month, I, too, had three cats and there were occasionally incidents of mystery gifts. Since the middle one (very unexpectedly) has gone, we're having some more of that and also, now the youngest is super skittish and gets all worked up and yacks. Every. Day.

 

[PintoBean]

I was originally hesitant to go to Al-anon when I wasn't sure if I'd take any legal action. Now that I've decided not to, I can be open to going again. Actually, the local one by me has people from other towns lolol. I've only recognized one woman from spin class 12 years ago lol. She actually lives in the same HOA as my parents but I'm seemingly unmemorable to locals lololol.

Got some stuff done today. My handymen came and we got a clapboard primed and painted before using it to replace a cracked clapboard, both bathtubs and one kitchen counter caulked, the patches on my bathroom wall (patched for over a year by my neighbor's handyman over a year ago lolol) sanded and painted, and some grout patted into a couple hairline grout cracks that were missed from the repair last time. Good work for 2 hours lolol.

Omg - how that grout cracked is hysterical. During renovations, the painter was helping me put back an exhaust fan cover on the guest bathroom ceiling. He stood on the toilet and we proceeded to hear "clink clink clink clink clink" as the grout cracked around the tiles to the side of the toilet bowl. He jumped down so fast and we just started .

 

[lovedogs]

awww I'm sorry about your kitties and protest pooping--that definitely happens when sudden change happens and animals are upset. But also I agree w. others that using some kind of poop smell remover is CRITICAL! When our dogs were puppies we started using it on accidents, and it helped a ton as they learned where they could vs. couldnt "go". And trying to change the filter thingy on the robot is smart, because cats might notice something about litter that you wouldn't because they are so sensitive to smell.

 

[PintoBean]

I think Bellerina is the one that's pooping outside the litter now. I heard her smacking the litter robot and went downstairs and noticed that the light was still blue - not used. I picked her up and placed her in the box and said "pee for mama". (She can pee on command bc she was lifted into the litterbox when she was a kitten and couldn't walk pre ear surgery and had vertigo). She immediately squatted and pooped and the color, smell, and shape - more curly squiggle and smaller logs and soft like what's been outside the litter robot lately... versus Honda's firmer, fatter but shorter logs left on the dining room chair when I went away.

When Bellie got out of the litter robot she basically kinda flung herself out of it. Two minutes later she went in to pee lololol. I'm going to purchase a ramp.

She has a tendency still to do splits (one of her kitten nicknames was splitty kitty) and in any litter box she does a very wide squat lol.

And to make Honda feel more secure I've been praising, kissing and petting her like crazy lololol.

Seriously, I don't want to know cat poop this well.

Speaking of poop... yesterday, I was sitting on the toilet, going "empty" when I felt something warm and furry behind me pressing against my behind. I turned around to look and Tin-Tin was looking in the toilet behind me. We only have artificial flowers in my house so this was her first time smelling roses.

 

[elle_71125]

I think Bellerina is the one that's pooping outside the litter now. I heard her smacking the litter robot and went downstairs and noticed that the light was still blue - not used. I picked her up and placed her in the box and said "pee for mama". (She can pee on command bc she was lifted into the litterbox when she was a kitten and couldn't walk pre ear surgery and had vertigo). She immediately squatted and pooped and the color, smell, and shape - more curly squiggle and smaller logs and soft like what's been outside the litter robot lately... versus Honda's firmer, fatter but shorter logs left on the dining room chair when I went away.

When Bellie got out of the litter robot she basically kinda flung herself out of it. Two minutes later she went in to pee lololol. I'm going to purchase a ramp.

She has a tendency still to do splits (one of her kitten nicknames was splitty kitty) and in any litter box she does a very wide squat lol.

And to make Honda feel more secure I've been praising, kissing and petting her like crazy lololol.

Seriously, I don't want to know cat poop this well.

Speaking of poop... yesterday, I was sitting on the toilet, going "empty" when I felt something warm and furry behind me pressing against my behind. I turned around to look and Tin-Tin was looking in the toilet behind me. We only have artificial flowers in my house so this was her first time smelling roses.

I'm dying right now. My cat tries to jump in my lap every time I use the toilet. She can't seem to understand why I wouldn't want her there.

 

[lovedogs]

When our dogs were puppies they were obsessed with following DH into the bathroom and curling up in his pants/boxers when they were around his ankles for "#2". It was both adorable and weird.

 

[Matata]

I turned around to look and Tin-Tin was looking in the toilet behind me.

One of mine insists on sitting on the back of the toilet and supervising while I use the human litterbox. I figured he should make himself useful and taught him to flush for me. When I'm done and close the lid I say "flush" and he does it.

You might think about getting another Litter Robot. Even with a self-cleaning space ship, it's better to have more than 1 box for 3 cats. Of my 4, Juba refuses to pee and poop in the same box regardless of whether it's gone through the cleaning cycle. The other 3 all try to jump in at once -- they have lower standards lol.

 

[PintoBean]

I ordered the ramp today after verification that the surface is textured. I notice that Bellerina can't step down on the step in/out of the litter robot Bc it's too short. She's definitely flinging herself out of the litter robot! I'm so relieved it's physiological for her not psychological.

My letters of administration came in the mail. I didn't know they would be addressed to each institution. I thought it would be a general one size fits all lol. Yay!